Harvey's first Christmas had been an exciting affair for the Jacobs-Howard clan.

They were certainly an unusual representation of family, far from picture perfect, and dysfunctional at the very best of times. But it was their family, whether they liked it or not.

Marsha had gone all out in preparing her home for the big day, her tree was monumental and decorated to perfection, her ornaments a perfect mix of homeware chic and sentimental heirlooms, her perfectly wrapped gifts colour coordinated to match her decorations. The Jacobs home had been transformed into a Hallmark movie perfect family home.

It didn't matter to any of them that the youngest Jacobs would not remember any details of his first holiday. Despite the drama that surrounded his arrival, Harvey's existence had added a little more kindness and patience in all of their lives as they now all had one common interest.

Cassie loved witnessing the relationship her son had with their extended family.

Harvey was loved by all of them, and that was all she could ever hope for him. That he would be able to feel the enormous amount of love they all had for him. That despite their differences and imperfections and the unconventional way his existence had come about, Harvey was treasured by them all.

She listened as Marsha chatted happily to him on Christmas day, while he sat peacefully in his car seat atop the kitchen bench. She would read out recipes to him or describe her every step as his eyes curiously followed her movements around the room. Despite her close relationship with Marsha, Cassie had found herself unexpectedly gravitating more towards her own mother in those first few months of Harvey's life. Perhaps this was because where Marsha was always so composed and well-presented, Suze was such a chaotic mess that Cassie felt less judgement in showing her cards. Perhaps this was because as much as she often rejected the relationship with her mother, she was still her Mom and Cassie still needed her.

Marsha had still found a way to cut out a little space for herself in their dysfunctional family life. She was Cassie's grocery store and shopping buddy, knowing where to buy all the best meats and fresh vegetables and how to make the best family meals.

"What do we think, H-man? Does Mimi's roast smell delicious? I think it does, I think it does." She would say excitedly while catching his moving feet for a quick kiss. "You're too little now to eat all this yummy food, but I bet you'll be fighting your Daddy for the last piece of pie next year!"

Marsha had settled on the nickname Mimi for herself, having called her own grandmother that back in the day. That had left Suze with the classic Nana, which she claimed made her feel too old and was still trialling different variations of the appellative. But regardless of nicknames, both Moms had the most wonderful bond with her son. As did his great-grandmother Bev, who had hogged the tiny tot for the entire day's celebration, barely even giving Cassie a few moments alone to feed him. Despite her overbearing nature though, Bev was a fountain of wisdom and knowledge and love and attention. And Cassie hoped that all the love and care her son was receiving from the women in his life would help grow into a man that could give that love and respect back to womankind.

You are so loved, she would think to herself as she watched Harvey being passed around the room from uncles to aunties to grandparents, as conversation flowed naturally like in other normal family on Christmas day.

There was some expected anxiousness going into the day's celebrations for Cassie, with her mom and sister joining them, as well as Nate's grandparents. She found herself split between the excitement of giving Harvey all of the traditional, family bonding moments she had longed for during her childhood, and the fear of another blowout between both families.

But other than an eye roll from Lexi, in response to Nate (jokingly) referring to Cassie as Harvey's lunchbox when handing her their crying son, and some passive aggressiveness over salad dressing between the more mature guests, the day had gone by without any major hiccups.

Suze and Lexi had not stayed for long after lunch was over, because despite the lack of any major showdown between them and the Jacobs, the day had been sufficiently straining on her opinionated sister. She knew how difficult it must have been for Lexi to sit down for a meal with a group of people she despised and, although she would never say it out loud, she was grateful her sister had put her grievances aside.

So Cassie found herself resting her painfully full stomach on Marsha's couch at the end of the day, Home Alone playing faintly in the background, and her head comfortably leaning on Nate's arm. Harvey was sleeping peacefully sprawled across Nate's chest, his favourite place to sleep, exhausted from a busy day of stimulating sounds and visuals and being around more people than he was used to seeing.

Aaron and Gemma had fallen asleep on the other couch, with Aaron's snoring drowning out the sound coming from the TV.

"Did you have a good day?" She had softly asked Nate, trying not to rouse any of their sleeping companions.

"Yeah, best Christmas in a long time." He had told her, first looking down at their son, and then kissing her head.

And Cassie wished this soft, loving, calm kind of Nate could be more obvious to their friends and family.

That they could see this side of him: Cassie's husband, Harvey's daddy.

A huge contributor to his mellow mood was Cal's absence from the day's celebrations.

Cassie's relationship with her father-in-law had hardly been conventional. While she had bonded with Marsha from the very start, Cal had taken much longer to warm up to Cassie and approve of her relationship with Nate. It wasn't really until his grandson was born that he had shown any active interest or fondness towards Cassie. Even during those months they had almost lived under the same roof, Cal had seemed to ignore her existence. She was just some girl her son would have over for a sleepover. A fleeting fling.

But everything had changed in ways they could not have imagined a year ago.

Since Harvey's birth, Cal had slowly become a frequent visitor to their home.

Whether it was the excuse of a wobbly brick he noticed on his last visit or a friendly visit with a tray of donuts, Cal Jacobs had suddenly become a regular in Cassie's sparse roster of social visits. At first it was a little odd, awkward even, but with time they had come a long way from Mr Jacobs sitting across from her in her dining room, interrogating her on who had assaulted Nate on NYE.

Now he was just Cal- Nate's dad or, even more, Harvey's pop. Cassie was grateful both for the adult interaction and the time he spent entertaining her gurgly son. He was helpful and hands-on, he changed nappies and got excited over Harvey's tummy time progress. He picked up on every little change, from his appearance to his motor skills.

The relationship between Cal and Nate was still a very, very long way from being mended. If anything, becoming a father had Nate feeling even more resentful towards his own father. In Nate's heart he knew he would do anything to protect his son from the horrors of the world and, in Nate's eyes, his father had failed to do so on numerous occasions.

While Nate had been witness to a couple of interactions between Cal and his first grandson, the extent of his presence in their lives was not something her husband was fully aware of. There was this unspoken understanding between Cassie and Cal that the majority of his visits would occur during times Nate was out of the house and not all of them would be fully disclosed.

Kind of like a secret. It wasn't a lie but she wasn't being forthcoming with information on Cal's visits. If Nate didn't ask, Cassie didn't tell. She wasn't sure if this was more due to fear of Nate's reaction or a fear he would ask her to stop Cal from visiting.

Truthfully, it was hard for Cassie to witness Nate push his father away time and time again. Sure, Cal Jacobs was not perfect. He had hurt his family, his wife, his kids. He had made mistakes.

So had Cassie's dad, time and time again.

Gus had abandoned them, he had stolen from them, he had put their lives in danger, he had chosen drugs over his family every time. Yet, Cassie would be lying if she said she would not welcome him back with open arms the moment he knocked on her door, no questions asked.

That she would give anything to see her father put in the same effort Cal Jacobs had in trying to be forgiven by his children.

Cal may not have been the best dad or husband, but so far he was proving to be a pretty decent grandfather. At least he was there, he was present in their lives, whether he was welcomed or not.

Luckily for Cal, Cassie's dad had set the bar pretty low for comparison.

Although she had not shared this with her family, Cassie had tried reaching out to her dad a few times since becoming a Mom. She imagined her father to have sold his phone at some point to pay for his score, still she tried to call and text his number every now and then. She had even sent a message to his abandoned Facebook profile, in hopes he may at some point connect to the internet and see a photo of his first grandchild.

She hoped that Harvey's chubby thighs and pouted lips would be enough for her father to pick up the phone and call her. She hoped that the news of becoming a grandfather would spark in him the same innate affection the other adults in their life had demonstrated.

She hoped that the desire to witness his firstborn daughter become a mother would be enough to make him seek out his family.

She hoped she was enough for him to come back.

But Cassie's heart continued to pump with an aching hole left by her father's abandonment. Like a cavity in a tooth catching a cold gust of air, his permanent absence felt like a sharp annoying pain which would disappear and reappear, day in and day out.

It had been a hard truth for her to accept that her father's love for heroin prevailed on the love he felt for his daughters, that her unconditional love for him was not enough for him not to want to shoot up, that he would rather live on the streets and slowly kill himself than be a father and a grandfather.

"It's a disease"- people would reassure her when questioning her self worth in relation to his abandonment- "he can't help it".

Cassie failed to fully accept this reasoning.

Her mother had also battled her own vices, her own addiction, her own predisposition to gravitate towards a bottle of chilled wine to help her face the day and forget her hurt. It was something that she still struggled with, never quite being able to stay sober for more than a few days at a time, with most mornings starting with her daughters finding her passed out on her bedroom floor.

But despite this she had never jumped ship.

She was always there, no matter how hard it was to be present and supportive. She was there to drive them at the last minute to the mall for an outfit, to help fix a button on a cute cardigan, to dry boy-induced tears, to chase off a handsy boyfriend with a baseball bat, to hold her hand while she had an abortion, to soothe her crying baby while she got some much needed rest.

Suze was there for them no matter what.

Cal was still there too, with some mistakes along the way.

And when Cassie watched Cal hold Harvey, she couldn't help but long for the opportunity to see her own father holding her son for the first time.

While it seemed Nate could live happily without his dad present in his life- for Cassie, Cal's presence in their lives had provided some form of fatherly reassurance. He cared, he checked in on her, he helped her carry heavy loads of groceries inside the house.

He was the first male figure in her life, in a long time, whose interest in her was not dependent on a physical attraction.

And the feeling it gave her was something she had longed for a very long time.

And while you're out there getting where you're getting to

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too