Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Detentionaire.
A/N: REMEMBER TO VOTE IF YOU HAVEN'T!
Contributor: KuronoDono12.
Chapter XIII: The Hair Incident.
Lee's House 7:00 AM
Lee sat at his desk looking over the clues he had.
Ever been accused of doing something you didn't do? Yeah, welcome to my world. My friend Naruto and I got a year of detention for pulling off the biggest prank in high school history when all the evidence pointed to us. Like our knapsack that Principal Barrage found filled with stuff that made us look guilty.
But it wasn't our real bags. Right before the prank, someone switched them. Someone I call Radcircles, the mastermind behind this whole crazy thing. Of course, it's not all bad. Some people think we're actually pretty cool. And some...
Pictures of the Down With Lee Club, the 15th graders, and Barrage come up on his computer screen as he leans in to have his reflection come up. "Not so much."
Mall 4:06 PM
At 4:15, detention gets out. Trouble is, I'm here
Naruto ran down the parking lot of the mall towards a bus.
So unless I find a spare jetpack floating around, I'm dead!
However, the bus pulls off just before he gets there, leaving him choking on its exhaust. "Yep. I'm a dead man." Naruto sighs as he stops by the bus stop
"Where do you think you're going?"
Naruto turns to see Stinky pull up on his motor scooter. He approaches Naruto with a scowl on his face. "Fifteenth grader… Shit."
Earlier that day… 8:15 AM
Biffy is running as fast as he can to try and make it to school on time. "Oof!" Unfortunately, he trips on a rock in the walkway and ends up slamming into a nerd at full speed, causing the nerd to drop his books and land in the bushes. Biffy looks down at the casualty. "Sorry."
"I'm OK."
"Biffy T. Goldstein."
Biffy groans at that. "Morning, Vice Principal Victoria." He looks at the nerd he bumped into. "I know, I know. Detention." He sighs as Victoria saunters over.
Inside, Chaz and Tina are doing the school news.
"Good morning, A. Nigma-"
Chaz moves to block her. "A. Nigma High! I'm Chaz Monerainian, and I am still awesome. This is your morning news."
While Tina tries to regain control, Holger plays with his new pen, which has a fake fishbowl on the end. "Holger, could you find a bigger pen?" Lee asks in an amused voice.
Holger nods at that. "Ya." He holds up a pen with a snow globe featuring two skaters on the end. "Always!"
"Dude, I was kidding." Lee sighs as he looks up at the news.
"Today's top story–"
Chaz interrupts her once again. "Is that my big special report, that you won't wanna miss, is only two days away! That's Friday! Live! On-Chaz's Corner! Don't miss it." He finishes as Tina pulls out a ceremonial knife. "AAAH!"
"Are hair extensions harmless accessories for your head?" She asks as Chaz taps at the knife, revealing that it's just a blonde hair extension. "This fake hair nearly drowned star swimmer Brad Von Chillstein!"
A picture of Brad swimming near a drain clogged with hair extensions is shown. He is then shown with his foot caught in the hair, unable to reach the surface before Chaz speaks. "Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug I'm drowning." Then a picture of Tina is shown rescuing Brad. "Gee, nice photo op, Tina. Yawn. So how do we stop this tidal wave of wig weaponry?"
"Mandatory bathing caps. And exposing the students who use wig weapons." She says as pictures of the Glamazons without their hair extensions appear onscreen. "I mean, hair extensions."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
The pitch of the Glamazons' screams causes Holger's pen ends to shatter.
"Who knows tiny doll CPR?" Holger asks before he pulls out a tiny lifeguard doll. "I do! Stand aside, chums. Lifeguard Sven will save ze day." He has the lifeguard kiss the female figure skater and then pick them both up before speaking in a high voice. "Ooh-hoo-hoo! My hero-hogen! Ooh! You're so strong and Svenny! Hee hee hee-hee hee-hee!"
RRRRriiinnnggg!
The bell rings as the students walk out, Naruto and Lee walk through the halls and spot Brad walking away after having talked with the Glamazons as Tina speaks on the intercom.
"Would the following students report to Room 113b: McKenzie Phillips and Druscilla Duke."
"Leaping! Did you see that news report?" Brandy asks Lee who blinks.
"Yeah, I, um–"
Brandy covers her face at that. "You can't even look at me. You think I'm a monster. Oh your friend, Tina, is so getting it… That's not how I normally look! I dyed my hair myself this summer, and, it all fell out! Okay, obviously the only way to get over this mucho mega trauma, is with a shopping spree!" Brandy sings the last part as Druscilla and McKenzie join in her joy. "We're going to the mall after school, and you have to come."
"Oh, that would be special, but, y'know, detention?"
Brandy scoffs at Lee. "Uch. Sometimes, I feel like you're cheating on me, with detention. Oh well. I guess you'll also have to miss the revenge spree!" Once again, Druscilla and McKenzie join in her joy. "Oh look." She says looking as Tina walks into a classroom. "The moving target herself."
"That's my class too. Gotta go." Lee heads to class.
"(Arf-Arf!)"
As soon as he leaves, Kimmie's purse barks. A dog sticks its nose out, and Kimmie covers it as the vice principal approaches. "Miss Kimmie. Is that an itty-bitty adorable-but-very-much-against-the-school-rules doggie snout?" Victoria asks her with an amused smile as Naruto walks away as well.
"That? Pft." Kimmie waved her off as she pulled out her phone. "It's my new dog-barking app?" She lies as a chihuahua sticks its head out of her purse and barks.
"(Arf-Arf!)"
"Well, if that's not the most realistic doggie application I've ever seen." Victoria pets the dog getting it to bark happily. "Rules are rules. No dogs in school. You young lady have a date with detention."
Later, Naruto, Lee, and Cam are in chemistry class. "Man, if you keep staring at Tina, she's gonna get a restraining order dude," Cam said to Naruto who glances over to him.
"I gotta warn her about Brandy's maybe, probably evil revenge plan."
Naruto leaves the table to do so while Cam mixes various chemicals. Before he can reach her, Brad cuts in front of him. "Tina Kwee, thanks again for yesterday. Trying to breathe underwater sucks. I'd love to make it up to you. How about a little trip to the mall aprés school avec moi? (After school with me?)"
RRRRIIIiinnnnggg!
The bell rings as Tina takes Brad's proffered hand. "Mais oui. (Yes indeed.)"
Students file out of the room towards their next class. Lee is one of the last to leave, behind Tina and Brad and ahead of Cam, whose experiment causes an explosion that splatters glop onto his coat and Lee before Cam gives him a towel. "Thanks."
"No problemo," Cam says as Lee throws the towel back to him.
Naruto walks through the halls of the school with a frown on his face. Holger runs up and hugs him. "Naruto! Naruto. Why your face long like pony?"
Camillio walks up at that. "Brad Von Chillstein asked Naruto's dream girl out on a date, man!"
"Brad Ze Chill Von Chillstein?" Holger asks in surprise
Camillio nodded at that. "I know! He's so cool, his mom's a fridge!"
Holger holds out a DVD showing a man with blonde hair and a 5 o'clock shadow on it. "And his dad is Ace Von Chillstein action hero movie star. "Pa-pow pa-pow! Kkkkhh! Kkkkhh!" Holger asks out an action scene before looking at Naruto. "Awesome to the woo-hoo, ja?"
"Oh yeah, he's pretty much way cooler than me in every aspect." Naruto deadpans as Cam looks over.
"Bro, puh-lease, this is high school. Brads don't date Tinas, Brads date college girls, supermodels, and Glamazons."
"Unless the Tina saved his life so he becomes infatuated with her?" Naruto asks before he spots Brandy and Brad talking. "And if I didn't know better I'd say she has Brad in on it."
"Then what're they talking about?" Cam asks as Naruto shrugs.
"Probably along the lines of what you just said about Brad's date life. Can you guys go to tell her to be on the lookout?"
Camillio shakes his head. "No can, homeslice. I got devil-sitting duty. My evil sister..."
"Holger has ze water-boy practice. Did you know if you freeze water, it be making zhe ice?"
Camillio smiles at the blonde before speaking. "You sure you wanna protect Tina, bro? Or you just jealous of Brad?"
"I don't care, I should just let her know," Naruto replies as he sees Tina. "Hey Tina, wait up!" Tina stops and turns to Naruto. "Brandy's pretty ticked about your hair exposed. I heard her planning something as revenge."
"So? I'm not scared of Brandy."
Naruto shrugs at that. "I'd just be suspicious of unusual things, I also saw her getting in Brad's head."
"What?" She blinks as Naruto continues.
"Yeah, she has the whole school hierarchy thing so prob trying to get him to call it off or something… Ask Brad if she said anything to him."
"Huh?"
"And take it slow, he may still be on a high after you saved him."
She blushed at that. "What?"
"Yeah like in that one movie, a guy saved a girl and she became very infatuated with him."
Detention 03:02 PM
Naruto, Lee, and Biffy playing a video game are in the detention room before the door opens. "You maggots got lady company."
Kimmie walks in blowing a bubble with her gum. "Sup, losers." She pops her bubblegum to continue. "Oh and, don't answer that, 'cause I don't care."
"Wow I was gonna say how hot you are but that ship just sailed." Naruto deadpanned as Barrage spoke up.
"I'll be back at sixteen-fifteen. I have an off-campus business to attend to. In case of any funny business, there are two hazmats posted right outside your door!" The principal leaves as Kimmie casts a glance around the room.
"So, who decorated this place? A colorblind monkey?"
"I'm nice so I won't make a quippy comeback." Naruto narrowed his eyes at her before standing to talk with the others at the front of the room. "I'm gonna go check on Tina, see if you can distract her from seeing me leave."
"We can do that," Lee says before he and Biffy block her view as Naruto quietly goes through the vent.
"So, how'd you score detention? Your shoes not match your bag?" Biffy taunted the Glamazon.
Kimmie faking a laugh at that. "Uh-huh-huh! So funny I forgot to laugh. In case you must know?" She holds up her dog as Biffy smiles.
"H-hey! Mister Margolious! I remember him!" He sticks a finger out but pulls it back when the dog attempts to bite it.
"And he remembers you."
Mall 03:19 PM
At the mall, Tina and Brad get free sodas from a Green Apple Splat mascot. "So, what's it like having Ace Von Chillstein, action star, and earth activist as a dad?"
"Are you asking as a friend, or as a reporter?"
Tina giggles at that. "Sometimes it's hard to turn off."
Brad smiles before speaking. "We're nothing alike. He's into saving cute, cuddly animals, like whales and pandas."
Tina blinks as she frowns. "And you're against that?"
"I'm into saving endangered animals no one cares about, like the Saint Helena dirt wig." He brings up a picture of said bug
"WUUK!" Tina then composes herself, laughing nervously. "I mean, awww."
"I know! I have a website dedicated to all the unloved animals near extinction. Donations welcome." Tina hands him a five-dollar bill. "Thanks." He and Tina clink cans, drink, and look ill. "Gross. But rather splatty."
Detention 03:22 PM
Lee, Biffy, and Kimmie are still in detention as Kimmie stares straight ahead, bored, while Biffy plays on his phone. "Oh what's that, Mr. Margolious? Biffy's a little too into his phone? I agree."
Biffy not looking up sighs. "You're just jealous that I'm awesome at this game!"
"Whatevs. You probably cheat." She scoffs as he chuckles.
"Yeah, I cheat."
"That's what I thought."
Biffy blinks at that. "Wh-no, no I was being sarcastic!"
Kimmie smiles as Lee looks back while she speaks. "I know."
"Oh, would you–you're just–RRRR!" annoyed "Lemme play my game."
Biffy returns to his game. Kimmie turns away from him, and Biffy sneaks a glance at her. "Do you like her?" Lee asks in a whisper.
"No."
Mall 03:28 PM
Naruto is spying on the Glamazons before hearing Brandy. "This'll teach her a lesson." She pulls out a bottle labeled with a skull.
"Poison?" Naruto asks as Brandy's head snaps towards the sound of his voice as Naruto ducks out of sight.
Naruto then moves into a store before hearing Giuseppe. "Oh, Naruto Uzumaki's in my store, it is a good day."
"Oh hey, Joe, day alright?"
"It's Giuseppe. And good."
Naruto then notices a backpack that looks like Lee's. "Whoa! This looks just like Lee's bag!"
"These are the limited edition Carl Von Wurst bags. The only place in the city that has them." Giuseppe explains as Naruto looks at him.
"Who bought the other ones?"
"People's faces are interchangeable. That's a line from a poem I'm writing."
"Okay, what about… Security videos?" Naruto asks before being shooed out as Brad and Tina pass by the store.
Naruto hides from them and then follows them as soon as they pass the store. He calls Holger as a shadowy figure peeks out at him from a corridor.
"Holg! I need you to come to the bag store in the mall, and get the security tapes to find out who else bought Lee's knapsack. Giuseppe won't give 'em to me."
"Holger do, for help of friendship."
In the mall, Naruto gets another call. "That is a pretty swell knapsack." A disguised voice speaks
"Who the hell is this?!"
"You mean you can't tell the voice of your new best friend? Maybe I should have started with a knock-knock."
"Knock, knock? Radcircles?"
"Bingo. At the mall when you should be in detention? Tsk tsk. I hope someone doesn't tell Barrage."
"I don't give a shit, I'm alone at home so I can afford extra detention… Hello? Hello?"
Detention 03:30 PM
"This app is awesome! You can put anyone's head on anyone's body! Not that you'd care."
Kimmie scoffs at Biffy. "Uch. Okay, fine, I'm bored. Do one of Mr. M."
Biffy takes a picture of Kimmie's dog and fiddles with it. Soon, Wendell Barrage has a giant chihuahua head having Biffy and Kimmie laugh. "Wanna try another one?"
"Obv. I'm a snob, not dead." She says as Biffy does another one, putting Mr. Margolious's head on his body. "Hilarious! I forgot how funny you were!" They smile at each other. "It's kinda not totally horrible hanging out with you again."
"Uh, if you bring up us playing together as babies, I'll freak."
Kimmie moved away from him "Ew! As if! I'd rather vomit."
Biffy nods assent and returns to his game. "You like her." Lee smiles as Biffy glares.
"No, I don't!"
Mall 03:32 PM
Tina tosses a coin into a wishing well before Brad looks at her. "Did you wish for the multiplication of the purple burrowing frog?" He shows her a picture and Tina initially looks disgusted but soon recovers her composure.
"If I tell you it won't come true."
Brad shrugs and tosses a coin over his shoulder having it fly to hit Naruto in the forehead.
"Ow, shit!" Tina and Brad walk over to him.
"What are you doing here?"
"Brad! Tina! What a coincidence!"
"It's not a coincidence if you knew we'd be here." She says as she crosses her arms.
"Do you mind if I steal Tina for a second? I have an urgent, uh, bathing, cap, question." Naruto asks taking Tina away.
"Aw, sure man. If you need to talk water safety, she's your gal."
Tina giggles and goes off with Naruto. "You're ruining my date! No way... I have a date! Tina Kwee you go, girl!"
"Yeah, about that. I saw Brandy with a huge bottle with a skull on it."
"I can take care of myself Naruto."
"Just tryin' to help out a friend…" Tina walks away from him as Naruto walks in the other direction and spots his principal. "Barrage!" He ducks behind a plant and watches. "What's he up to?"
Barrage was to a hidden person behind a pillar "Sure, it's Ping and Uzumaki."
Meanwhile, Tina returns to Brad "Huh?" Tina sees him hi-five Brandy and then sees the Glamazons minus Kimmie walk away.
Naruto, meanwhile, watches as Barrage hands over a suitcase that was handcuffed to his wrist. "All taken care of. Don't ah–"
Naruto pushes himself up to try and get a better view and ends up knocking over the plant he's hidden behind. This attracts the principal's attention, and he spots a tuft of Naruto's hair peeking out from behind the overturned plant before walking over.
"Uzumaki! Outta detention?" The principal grabs at the tuft and pulls out a flower only for Naruto to slip away.
Down the walkway, Holger enters Giuseppe's workplace in a heavy and completely unconvincing disguise with a hat and mustache. "Ja. Hello. My name is...uh...Sven Svendleson! I'm with the...uh...videotape camera company! I here for tapes!"
"Riiight. I know who you are, Holger. I'm in the Down With Lee Club, and by the way, we don't like you either."
Holger blinks at that. "'Holger?' Who is this 'Holger' you speak of? From what you are saying this 'Holger' fellow would seem to be the most greatest of people, no?"
Giuseppe shook his head. "No. Now buy something or get out."
Holger pauses for a second and then puts a piggy bank on the counter. "I'd like to buy all your videotapes."
"Get outta here."
Holger leaves the store sadly and calls Naruto. "Holg."
"Naruto, it's Holger, from school."
"Yeah yeah, how's it going in the bag store?"
"Not so goody," Holger replies as Naruto is hiding.
"You just need Emo Joe out of there for a second. Hold on."
Shortly thereafter, the skaters roll through the mall and toss rolls of toilet paper at the bag store.
"Hey!" Giuseppe yells then starts chasing the skaters. "You can't do that!"
Holger sneaks into the store, stuffs all of the security tapes into his pants, and strides out whistling.
Up ahead, Naruto went back to Tina and Brad, hiding as they shared a milkshake. "Hey, could I get a picture of you? Y'know, so I can remember this… date?" He asks as she smiles.
"Sure, I'd love to remember our first… date too."
Brad raises the camera and waves Tina into a better position underneath the second-floor railing. Naruto spots Brandy and the Glamazons arriving at the railing. Brandy has the bottle of poison at the ready Naruto sees the general walk by Brad and Tina. "Aw, man."
Naruto got behind him and pulled the other two back as bleach dropped down. "Saw Brandy dropping that." He says before running off.
He gets outside and sees the bus. "Don't leave! Don't leave! Yep. I'm a dead man."
"Where do you think you're going?"
Naruto turns and sees Stinky pull up on a motor scooter. He dismounts and approaches Naruto and puts his hand on his shoulder. "In such a hurry?"
"Gotta get back to school."
Later, Naruto is soon perched behind Stinky on the scooter, wearing his backup helmet. They meet Barrage at a stoplight, Naruto turns his face away to escape detection.
Detention 03:50 PM
"You stopped being friends with me on the first day of grade seven!"
Kimmie scoffs as she taps her foot. "It was also the first day you wore that dumb hat. And you stopped being friends with me first."
Biffy blinks and takes a picture of himself before looking at it. "Wha?! It's not a dumb hat! And besides, the summer before grade seven, you got all girly."
Kimmie sighs and looks over. "So? Should we be enemies forever?"
"I dunno." Biffy shrugs. "There's a Friends Again app I've been wanting to try."
Kimmie smiles at that. "Let's try it!" They smile at each other.
Outside, Stinky skids to a halt in the parking lot as Naruto dismounts and runs for the school.
Barrage arrives in the parking lot and he parks his car and heads for the school. Inside the building, Naruto has run into a problem a cleaner has replaced the vent cover he used to exit the vents. Lee takes out his cell phone and calls Biffy. "Yello."
"I'm in major need of a Barrage distraction. Got anything?"
"Gotcha covered. Head to detention and wait for my cue."
Naruto sighs before getting to the door and hides behind a vending machine. The principal arrives from the other direction and pushes the door open. Kimmie's chihuahua runs through the initial small opening, distracting the principal. "What in Sam Hubbard's sweet little cupboard? After him!" The cleaners join in the pursuit. "Canine vermin!"
After they pass, Naruto slips into detention and slides behind his desk. Soon he realizes that Kimmie is staring at him. "Sup the hottest girl in school?" She smiles as the principal then throws open the door, and Kimmie stands up.
"I wanna say something on record." The principal looks at her questioningly while Lee and Biffy both look scared. "I will never, ever, do anything again that'll make me spend another second with these losers!"
The principal scratches his chin before deciding to take her words at face value. "Lesson learned. De-smissed!"
Kimmie walks towards the door. When she reaches it and is out of the principal's sight, she turns back to Biffy and mouths the words "call me" to him as Biffy blushes slightly. "C'mon, Mr. Margolious." She says as the dog leaps into her arms.
"Something going on or can I ask her out?" Naruto smiles as Biffy looks over.
"No!"
"No to something goin' on or no to asking her out?" Naruto continues to smile as he stands to leave.
Lee's House 10:31 PM
That night, Lee talks to his friends through video chat after Naruto tells him what he saw at the mall. "So Holg. Have you figured out who's got the same knapsack as me? Whoever it is could be Radcircles."
"Still watchy. So many tapes! They make my eyes go ooh-ooh-ooh." A tired Holger replies.
"Thanks, buddy. Just let me know as soon as you find anything." Lee says as Holger nods
"OK. Nighty night."
Holger's House 10:31 PM.
Holger turns off the computer and goes back to watching security tapes."No thing, no thing. (Yawns-Gasp!)" Suddenly, his yawn turns into a gasp. "Nickelschniffel!"
Holger pauses the tape as a tired-looking Cam is buying a copy of Lee's bag.
Whoever it is could be Radcircles.
Lee's words echo in Holger's mind. "No-ho-ho! Not Cam!"
Holger falls over backward from shock at the idea that Cam may have betrayed his best friend.
To Be Continued.
A/N: Thanks for reading and let me know of any mistakes.
Contributor: KuronoDono12.
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Next to be updated will be Maelstrom Jedi.
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