February 20th, 2025

''It really means a lot that all of you could be here,'' Santana said as she stood side by side with Brittany in their New York apartment.

They were surrounded by some of their oldest friends on what was to be a very special occasion. It was after all her and Brittany's ten year wedding anniversary bash and the two of them had decided to spare no expense on the celebration.

They had hired catering and servers and even decided to splurge on a bartender for the evening, although they had to both promise not to drink too much. Historically Santana tended to be a weepy drunk prone to tears while Brittany was a classic stripper drunk who always managed to lose her clothes after a few. Neither of them minded this on occasion because Brittany thought weepy Santana was adorable and Santana really loved doing body shots off of stripper drunk Brittany, but the point was they wanted their ten year anniversary bash to be a classy affair.

They couldn't get too messy, they wanted to have their wits about them because they had some pretty big news to share with everyone. She and Brittany were beyond excited. The two of them had spent months thinking long and hard about what they wanted and what they were ready for as a couple and when they finally made the decision they immediately started planning on how and when to share their news. Their anniversary bash just seemed like the most obvious and logical time to make the announcement.

They wanted it to be perfect and it was. It was a beautiful, perfectly relaxed evening filled with old stories and laughter as everyone sat for dinner and caught up with one another. Everyone had their favorite Brittany and Santana story as they went around the table taking turns sharing their favorite memories. Like the time they were all just starting out and went on that mini tour with Mercedes who had a gig at a state fair that happened to be hosting some prestigious stock show and Brittany and Santana almost-almost snuck a teacup pig onto the tour bus. Or the time Santana and Brittany thought they'd be funny and moon Rachel as she walked across the stage at her NYADA graduation but instead caught the attention of Carmen Tibideux who sicced the campus security on them and they had to run for their lives with their asses half hanging out. They were still trespassed to that very day.

Eventually the chatter began to petter down though as Santana and Brittany took to the center of their living room to command attention.

Brittany wrapped an arm around Santana's waist. ''We're so grateful all of you could drop whatever was happening in your super boring lives to come celebrate our totally awesome lives.''

Santana ignored everyone's eye roll at Brittany's backhanded compliment and continued on. ''Especially because Brittany and I have big news that we want to share.''

''Oh my god, are you guys gonna have a baby?'' Sugar clapped her hands under her chin.

''What? No,'' Brittany said with a scrunch of her face as if repulsed by the mere idea of parenthood. ''That'd be like babies having babies or something.''

''You're thirty,'' Tina reminded her.

''Whatever,'' Santana shushed their friends and then went to grab Brittany's hand as they both beamed with utter delight. ''We brought you all here today to celebrate the last ten years together but we also brought you guys in to inform you that Brittany and I…are getting a divorce!''

X

Three Months Earlier…

''Have you ever heard of lesbian bed death?'' Brittany randomly asked out of nowhere on a Friday night.

They were in bed relaxing after a late night out. Santana was sitting up and lotioning her skin while Brittany flipped through a magazine at her side and occasionally read headlines out loud to her.

''Lesbian bed death? Yeah. I'm pretty sure that's what Rachel and Quinn suffer from,'' Santana answered on autopilot and couldn't help but laugh at her own joke.

''Wait, for real?'' Brittany asked, her eyes going wide.

Santana shrugged. Rachel and Quinn acted even gayer than she and Brittany most of the time, except the other pair didn't even sleep together, they mostly just looked at each other really intensely from across the room. It was such lesbian behavior, Santana thought, but not like hot lesbian behavior, not like she and Brittany. More like boring repressed Victorian age lesbos who wrote each other long flowery letters about their 'friendship' and crocheted each other things that always vaguely resembled vaginas. Wait, why was she thinking about Rachel and Quinn's non-existent sex life? Ah, yes…

''No,'' Santana amended her answer to her wife. ''I mean yes I've heard of lesbian bed death. It's when two women are together for so long that they get bored and start to see each other as sexless roommates. But I don't think that's a real thing, Britt.''

Brittany held up her magazine and pushed it close to Santana's face. ''Are you sure? This article says it is.''

Santana gently pushed the magazine down and pulled it from Brittany's hands only to toss it off the bed. ''Yeah well, even if it does exist I don't think that's something you and I ever have to worry about. At least, not judging from tonight's activities. My shoulder still hurts.''

Brittany smiled with sympathy. ''Sorry I accidentally pushed you off the bed in that last round tonight.''

Santana waved it off, too prideful to admit her injury still bothered her. Although she did love to be babied by Brittany when she was sick or hurt so she made the mental note to possibly use this later on to score her a bit of pampering or maybe some kind of naked massage. ''Anyway, lesbian bed death may be a real thing for other people, but not us. Do you remember what I put in my marriage vows?''

''To love, honor and respect me. And also three orgasms every time.''

''Three orgasms every time,'' Santana repeated solemnly, hand to heart. ''I take that shit seriously, babe.''

It was Brittany's turn to laugh. ''And you've kept that vow every day since but…''

Brittany bit the inside of her lip as she trailed off, looking all apprehensive and almost meek about it, which in turn made Santana curious. This was not usually a subject Brittany was shy about.

They had kind of done it all in one way or another. It was one of the blessings of having been together for so long. If there was a spot or a position or an act or what have you, they had probably tried it. Hell, they probably tried it and then for kicks and giggles, tried it again upside down, backwards and then in water.

From the very first time they saw each other it was just this thing they couldn't turn off or put away. It was a physical pull that neither of them could resist. At cheer camp. The old glee club choir room. Once they'd even managed to covertly do it while sitting in on one of Quinn's abstinence club meetings. Physical touch had always been their preferred form of communication. In the beginning it sort of had to be.

Once upon a time Santana had barbed wire wrapped around her heart. It was a means of protection, sure, but even then she knew it was also the best way to keep everyone from seeing how freaking fragile she truly was. She was a sensitive little bitch and she knew that, but she also knew that fact could be used against her in her quest for popularity, power and total domination within high school hierarchy.

But Brittany? She saw through all of that from day one. She might have let Santana think she was playing by Santana's ''no feelings, no eye contact'' rules for a while, but that's because Brittany was playing the long game. Brittany found that the best way to sneak beyond the barbed wire Santana had so carefully placed was to use touch as a means of communication. It didn't matter how many times Santana would say ''this means nothing'' or "it's just sex" because every time and without fail Brittany would push Santana's dismissive words away with a kiss or a touch and then Santana would be too weak to protest.

Brittany figured out how to use her body to speak to Santana and it was through that kind of intimacy that she taught Santana how to relax, laugh and access a part of herself she had never known. Brittany knew where all of Santana's rules came from, that scared place, that insecure place. That place where she refused to be vulnerable, to anyone for anything. Unlike everyone else Brittany, however, refused to be pushed away.

It didn't happen overnight, in fact it was a slow process that took years of Brittany sneaking past the wire for her to eventually build a home inside Santana's cold frosty heart. And then once she was in, it was like Brittany immediately decorated said home with Lisa Frank stickers of kittens and dolphins.

Santana broke all of her rules for Brittany and she wouldn't have had it any other way.

With age and time they had slowed down a little bit but even their idea of slowed down could cause dehydration with a more conventional couple. But she and Brittany? Santana liked to think they still had it. That physical pull to each other, and because it had been their main means of communication for so long they just naturally became pretty damn fluent in it.

This of course made Brittany's sudden interest in 'lesbian bed death' a little concerning.

''I just don't want us to get into a rut where things stop being exciting or we start taking each other for granted,'' Brittany eventually admitted after a moment. "I don't want either of us to ever get, ya know, bored."

"Are you? Bored I mean."

"Of course not." Brittany pushed Santana back against the headboard and crawled into her lap to take her face into her hands. "From where I'm sitting it's like literally impossible for me to ever get bored. Even after all these years you're still so hot. I ended up with Santana Lopez, I pretty much win at life. I'm just bringing it up to make sure you're not getting bored."

"For my 30th birthday you got a stripper pole professionally installed in our home."

Brittany began peppering kisses all over Santana's jawline. "Pole dancing is a great cardio workout and you love it when I do upside down splits on it.''

"Exactly," Santana said with a grin as she relished the attention. "I'm the furthest thing from bored. What brought all of this on?"

"Well. February is coming up in a few months," Brittany said. "And it's just got me thinking, that's all."

Santana pulled her face away slightly, halting Brittany's kisses to look her in the eyes. "About our ten year anniversary," she said, finally putting all of the pieces together.

''Sort of. I know we're in a really good place but this article said a bunch of stuff about long term couples letting things get stale and not making with the sexy times and when that breaks down then communication breaks down and blamo - divorce.''

''I would never divorce you.''

"I'm sure Rachel and Jesse never thought they would either. Or I mean look what happened between Kurt and Blaine last year.''

''Okay, first of all, what happened with those two doilies was about way more than their boring sex life. Their problems were way bigger than that.''

It was true several of their friends hadn't quite made it through the long haul. Quinn and Puck had never actually made it to an altar of any kind. They had gotten back together for a split second years ago when Mr. Schue had asked all of the OG glee club kids to come back for his last lesson but that had lasted for about a month before they realized there was a difference between chemistry and compatibility and called it quits. Jesse and Rachel on the other hand ended up having a great run as a couple, for a while anyhow, before they both realized that their greatest loves would always be their own careers. They had begun to grow in different directions and realized they had lost their connection along the way. It was amicable and fair and at the end it was clear they still saw each other as dear friends.

The worst of the bunch had to be Kurt's separation from Blaine. It wasn't out and out bitter but it was definitely messy. The one thing both she and Brittany realized from watching all of that go down was that loving someone sometimes meant you had to let them go. That was something that Kurt and Blaine refused to do for years even after it was clear things weren't working. They held on for so long in the hopes of fixing things but in the end it just led to more and more resentment and heartache for the both of them. If they had come to terms with it earlier there would have probably been a way to salvage a friendship out of it but they had let it drag to the point where they could never go back. There was too much sadness.

''...And two? Since when do we let what others do dictate how we live our life? Huh?'' Santana reached forward and ran a hand through blond hair. Soothed by it Brittany naturally leaned into her touch. "Do you remember when I snuck into your bridal suite before we got married?"

Brittany dipped her head, yes.

"I'll say to you now what I said to you then, Britt. The rules don't apply to us, they never have, we make our own. That's still true all these years later. Our relationship has never looked like anyone else's and not because we're two women but because of who we are.''

''And that is?''

Santana bit her bottom lip for a moment as she tried to find the words. ''Untraditional. If you think about it, we've always done everything backwards. Back and forth and out of normal sequence. We slept together on and off for two whole years before we even went out on a real date."

Brittany raised her eyebrows. ''And then after a year together you sang a song to me about how we'd be together forever and then immediately broke up with me right after."

Santana winced at that memory. Perhaps not her finest moment but it did further prove the point. They for whatever reason always took the route off the beaten path. It didn't mean they hadn't loved each other, it just meant their kind of love wasn't like everyone else's. ''My point is we've never conformed…''

Brittany seemed to relax with this statement especially when Santana let the hand in Brittany's hair fall to land on her hip and gently squeezed it.

"Even when we got engaged,'' Santana continued, ''we didn't do it because it's what was expected of us or because we felt some obligation. We said 'I do' because we wanted to experience marriage together."

With a laugh Brittany had a wild thought. "What if I said I wanted us to, I don't know, get a divorce because I wanted us to experience that together too.''

''Then…then I'd say let's find a divorce lawyer. Because I know you'd still love me without a piece of paper or a ring, and I'd still love you. Being married isn't what makes us us and being divorced wouldn't either.''

''You really mean that?'' Brittany blinked at her with something that looked like wonder.

''I've never meant anything more.''

Of this Santana was certain and Brittany rewarded her with a kiss on the lips.

''You know that would be kind of funny and epic at the same time,'' Brittany pulled away with a smack.

''What?''

''Us, getting for realsies divorced. Think about it. What if we invited all of our friends to our ten year wedding anniversary party and announced we were getting divorced.''

''Sugar would totally cry," Santana laughed. That girl was still to this day way too invested in her and Brittany's relationship. "Quinn however would definitely try to beat my ass because she'd be convinced I did something wrong."

''I'd stop her of course, but not before you got one good slap in because watching you hit her is a total turn on.''

''Naturally,'' Santana agreed.

''Rachel would probably sing at us for some reason."

"Kurt would be a judgmental little weasel about it.''

''Puck would probably offer to drag one of us to the nearest strip club to show his condolences.''

Santana was almost delighted at the idea of confusing their friends. ''Their heads would totally explode!''

Brittany lit up at all of the possibilities. ''It'd almost be worth doing just to mess with everyone. Ooo! Another bonus, if we got divorced you and I would no longer be wed in holy matrimony so just imagine all the super hot, super unwed, unholy sex we could have.''

Santana hummed at the idea. ''Yeah?''

''We'd have so much dirty divorced sex, babe. You could totally do me in a way that would make it hard for you to look my mother in the eyes again.''

That did sound like a plus. Not that she and Brittany didn't enjoy themselves but ever since Santana made an honest woman out of Brittany it was entirely too easy to look at Mrs. Pierce without a sense of shame or feeling of tawdriness. She used to look at Whitney Pierce and feel delightfully sheepish at the fact that a few hours earlier she'd had her daughter doing the naked pretzel.

''And then," Brittany said, "once the novelty has faded I'd pop the big question to you and wife you up all over again.''

''You would?''

Brittany snaked her arms around Santana's neck. ''Well it's only fair. You asked me to marry you the first time around, I should be the one to ask you the second time. Oh my gosh, wait, it just hit me! We could even do a second honeymoon!''

Santana laughed. ''Are we…are we really talking about doing this?''

''Well, why not? Like you said, the rules don't apply to us, we make our own. What do you say?''

Santana could only smile. Brittany had her there. She'd always had her there. With a single nod of her head she said yes to this ridiculous, whimsically absurd concept that could only come from Brittany's strange and wonderful brain. Then she went to work, tipping Brittany off of her lap, plopping her down on the other side of the bed and crawling up on top of her to hover her face mere inches above Brittany's self satisfied little smirk.

"I say, all this talk of divorce is turning me on,'' Santana answered with a kiss.

X

It's been 10 years since our favorite couple said 'I Do' on our TV screens. To celebrate I had to write something for them, but with my trademark ridiculous slant. They're so wonderfully weird and non-traditional that I truly believe canon Brittana would do something like this just for kicks and giggles. Come back February 20th, the day their wedding aired, for the conclusion of the story. Don't worry, it's already written so I won't leave you hanging. In the meantime drop me your thoughts and tell me what you remember about watching their wedding. See ya next week!