Sladin or Bust – Explicit One Shots from the Vault of Sladin –
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A parody on Slade Wilson and Wade Wilson – Deadpool and Deathstroke, at it again …. but in a parallel universe that looks like Mario Bros?? A bit late, but still a timeless classic. Had the jingle theme in my head so…. good enough? Shall see!
Noted, Slade and Wade play a Mario and Luigi role. Guess who is the screw up?
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IT'S AH - ME! DEATH – A - STROKE! -
And – a Wade Wilson!!
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Slade rarely rode the local city bus outside of Star, Metropolis, even Gotham he avoided blending in too much fir close comfort.
He never expected to be the day he got to ride ON TOP on it while avoiding a bazooka wielding psychopath from an alternative universe.
"DEATH!! I WANNA HANG OUT! YOU KEEP RUNNING AWAY, YA BIG PALOOKA!"
"Stop following me…. figure it out!" Slade hopped to a semi as the whining Wade Wilson hopped up to a freight truck to plan his next move.
"Peek – a – boo!"
Slade fkung himself from the shot, blocking one with a single katana as he hopped to safety.
"This reminds me of a game I played as a kid. Some dope frog had to not get flattened. You kind of play the part too well? Should I be the one who break it to ya, but I'm not going away this time!" He pointed, his sword being the one thing as the bridge came into view. "You didn't leave in the first place, Wade. I'm sick of these charades. Go. Home." Slade snorted and hopped to a new suv. The family inside would mind a dent – their insurance should cover the cost of repairs. "You are sooo boring! I wanted to hang out and swing in. Cause my buddy Spidey said " why don't you have anyone else to hang out with besides me?" "And you know what I told him –
"He obviously tried to leave YOU hanging then." Slade smirked below the mask, imagining the man getting upset over a little rejection. Deadpool was his counterpart in a way from another universe. Slade hated the Schrödinger effect that brought to mind, yet he hated gossip from a loon even less than he had when having his coffee to the start if a bright new day. Couldn't a cold-blooded killer be satisfied with being average once in a while?
"I'm staying, either way. Can't go back until the sky makes another "boom boom" appear."
A vortex, great. Slade sighed tired lying as he hopped again when Wade had thrown him off by talking alone. His weapon in battle was obnoxiously well – timed.
"Well, how can we speed up the portal back, Wade?" Slade felt like he was talking to a person with lower capacity (on the spectrum myself so please take it mildly since well, Wade is basically nuts,) and that made him grip on as the turn came – the bridge in full swing.
"Boom boom time!! Y-ahoo!!" Wade grinned underneath the mask and leaped in after Slade grabbing him as they two did something too well rehearsed for two people that loathed one another.
Slade was shot off at a speed not deemed human while Wade clung onto him, using the merc as his own personal slingshot into the false vortex. The sky forced its way back in their world, as the duo was hurled into an endless loop of colors, lights and sounds.
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When Slade had cracked open his eyes, he saw Wade dazed and with…. cartoon birds over his head?
As Slade sat up first due to his sanity, not his healing, he was ashamed to call his counterpart anything close to his loony equal. "What. The hell us this…"
Wade groaned and sat up, the birds scattered off and one even bonked the male on the head with its beak. " Oww!! That fucking hurt, little birdie – birds??"
The mens' masked eyes looked on at the shrooms that had legs and arms. Or the giant castle on a hill. Or the neon in their faces! So much…
"What's that sound –
"HEY!" Slade dragged Wade up onto his toes as he held him face to face to see Slade's rage. "WHERE did you send us??"
"I…I didn't do this, ya goof! I'm innocent, I tells ya!"
The gabby crybaby had it coming as Slade dropped him to survey their pastel-colored prison. Flying clouds. An echoing jingle that made you want to vomit. Weird golden blocks that had question marks engraved into them. Even…
"AAAH!! YOU'RE HERE!!"
"Am I hallucinating?? Did you see a walking talking mushroom, or is it only me?" Wade gawked and pointed at a stout mushroom the shrimp being a hat and its body wearing something akin to a character from a sheikh's palace. His purple vest and shocked beady eyes had Slade try not to stare…. Slade gruffly had no choice but to wait on their new, guide for the answers that Wade desperately needed to hear.
"Travelers! Void spat you out here, right?? Funny, most of us go through the green pipes that send us to other dimensions. When in Rome- ah! So, I'm sure you have a lot of questions –
"I effing do!" Wade blabbering on anxiously. "How the heck is this for reals?? We were just casually, fighting on a bridge, and then the sky opened up…and sucked us in! -.
"You threw us in –
"Whatever, are you a toxic species by the way?"
"What…is wrong with your friend, Mr…."
"He's not together. And neither are we." Slade got himself up and started walking, just before the mushroom child – thing started to squawk more nonsense into his ear. "You're not going the right direction! In order to get back to your world, you have to meet with the ruler of our land!"
Slade stopped and let his boots scuffle the grass below him. Damn. So close. Wade…was impossible to leave with them. Might end up destroying all of space - time as they knew it. "Fine. Where, is the ruler of your country located." He dryly asked, barely in question at all. Too tired to ask for what they could do to recover their strength after running like big kids atop the golden gate like Wade had forced the man to do.
"Um, like, we are a team and I think I should just say –
"We'll go. To this place you want, but if you end up lying for your own sake." Slade's eye shot at the shoot boy as he looked to meek to do any real harm. Besides getting high or rolling down a hill on his side.
"You can join us for our next hot pot. Right as the main ingredient to my broth base?"
Wade. You sonnova bitch.
"OH…. shitake would be out of this world!" Wade drooled over the kid as he told off the assassin in a squeaky voice.
"I'm Toad ! YOU LOONY GOOMBA! GOSH…Is he a real person, or am I hallucinating too??"
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The world looked like it belonged in the toy box. Rose would play such a game if it had a prize at the end. Joey would rejoice at the bright colors. Grant? He'd just throw the ting up and demand a recount.
What would Grayson do, you wonder?
He would turn into a full-blown monkey and show off. Shameless acrobat – brat. Slade snorted, wondering if their platonic sense was not as promising as Slade saying he "needed a break." Well, taking in this wacky mini vacation, his next lot in life was to put his claim on Nightwing. Grab the rung, one knee...just to avoid…
He seethed behind the mask.
Him.
"I wanna try that ride, and…that one! Ohh, can we?? Pretty-
"No." Slade snapped. "I'm not your sitter and we're going to make a mess if we TOUCH anything. Shut up, and follow my orders if you want to not be a complete …."
Slade saw the whimpering simp go onto his knees as he began to throw a damned tantrum.
"BUT DAADDY!! I WANNA RIDE THE BIG ELEVATOR NOW !! NO NO NO !! YOU NEVER LET ME HAVE ANY FUN!! Wa!!"
"HOLY TOADSTOOLS. Just, let him go on one…. please !" Toad had small ears but a large enough noggin to get brain damage as he yelled at Slade to comply. And so, Wade learned a valuable lesson in dying twice that day.
Death by falling blocks.
The joke was on them, as Wade wheeled his way to the stone steps of the castle…
"You…. ass…not…fun… fuck you all…"
"I told him to not jump too early." Toad shook his head as the two saw guards while waiting no further, Toad pulled out a fiddle and began to play.
"Campton ladies sing this song !!"
Slade dragged Wade in by the scruff as the guards were also toadstools like the shroom. Their armor looked so three dimensional though…dancing and clapping, they did kind of look a little hopped up on themselves.
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The two were quiet, minus the panting idiot off of Slade's arm. " Gah…there!" Whispered Wade as Slade dragged them down another passage. Feet marched out of one room with a procession of toads surrounding a very, pink individual and one other.
"Daisy…we have no one else! The brothers are not around like the prophecy spoke of and Bowser is likely to overtake the village without someone to lead the troops to do battle with his Koopa forces. I had no choice but to speak to the council today…or else all could be lost!"
"Princess Peach, we cannot give up hope." The brunette in bright yellow with oversized eyes batted her lids warmly at a blonde teen with a pink dress and blue, equally oversized cartoon eyes.
Slade blinked. A war was going on? First time he thought such a nice place with cotton candy mountains could even KNOW what war was…
"PRINCESS!!"
Toad ran in with the guards only just willing to capture him. The other toadstools all fell into line as Peach, the ruler Slade guessed, was too happy to see to the toadstool and his actions against her other citizens. "This toad is guilty of allowing strangers into the royal halls. We caught him, yet he is now –
"I CAN EXPLAIN!" Wade popped out, revealing their location. "No, no wait. We are…actually trying to get back home. A big old stinky vortex sent us to…here, and my street fighter pal and I have been clean for years. Ain't that right, Deathie?"
"Death??" Daisy gasped. "Is he a messenger from the other side, princess?"
"No." The sweet girl shook her head before remaining diplomatic. "Who in fact are you, traveller? Where do you hail from?"
"Earth, in another universe that is not familiar with, this one."
"I kinda know actually."
Everyone looked at Wade as he scratched his cheek. "Um, a game in our world, that involves Godzilla- turtle kings, magical fire flowers and running very nauseating fast. That about sum up my suspicions, Princess?"
Slade thought back to Grant when he was a teen, he played some stupid console meant to rot his brain. " I have to save the princess…"
Slade threw a hand to his face. "He's right. Your universe, is a video game franchise in our own….!"
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Recall, this is a place where death isn't real to kids, but three lives? What comes next? New or old! You tell me!