"Hey Satou, Satou! There's this new quest that we ab-so-lute-ly need to take! Hurry up, come over and look at it with me!"
"Aqua, it's first thing in the morning, you are being too loud."
"Who cares about that, just hurry up! We must take this quest before someone else does!"
"Yeah yeah, I'm coming, hold your horses."
It was the next day.
Having just spent the last of my savings buying Komekko a cheap breakfast from the tavern, I had delegated picking a quest for today to Aqua. As such, I left Komekko alone to eat while Aqua led me to the adventurer's guild's quest board.
Aqua happily skipped over ahead of me. She snatched a leaf of paper from the board and held it close to her chest. "We are taking this quest, Satou! No ifs, ands, or buts about it!"
"Here, let me see it―"
"No!" She turned away to shield it using her body when I reached out for the paper. "If you read it, you'll probably say, 'Like hell are we going on a quest like that!' and make me cry! Please, just take my word for it that we must accept this quest no matter what!"
Alright, now I am starting to worry. "If it's something really dangerous like 'Go pick a fight with one of the Demon King's generals,' then you are correct. I won't accept a request that hard. I'm still only level four."
"It's not anything dangerous like that! Obviously!"
"Well if it isn't dangerous, then what's the problem?" I held out my hand for the leaf again.
Aqua loosened her shoulders just a little. "Promise me you will accept the quest, and I will let you see it."
"I promise I will consider it, so long as it isn't something ridiculously outrageous."
Aqua seemed to accept that, and she handed over the leaf.
'A Tranquility Girl has appeared at a major crossroad in the forest. The road has been closed off, disrupting travel and trade with the nearby villages. Please exterminate the monster quickly so that the road can be opened back up for travelers as soon as possible.' A hefty bonus was to be granted if the monster was killed and the road reopened by today.
"A Tranquility Girl, huh?" My eyes slid out of focus as I scanned my memory for that description. If I could recall, it was a plant-based monster that lured people in by its weak and helpless appearance. Good-natured people were especially vulnerable. Once it draws out its prey's sympathy and kindness, they choose to never leave, and the victim slowly withers away until they die. That's when the plant sinks its roots in and uses them as fertilizer. It is hard for me to believe that anyone would actually stay with a monster long enough to starve to death, though.
"I think I remember hearing that there has been an outbreak of them in the forest recently," I said at last.
"Huh? You aren't immediately rejecting the quest, Satou?" Aqua had braced herself like she thought I was going to attack her the moment I read the description, and when I didn't, she tilted her head.
"I mean, it sounds pretty reasonable to me. Tranquility Girls are supposed to be passive monsters, right? So the quest shouldn't be too―difficult?" I glanced back down at the leaf only to realize too late that the difficulty rating was set very high.
…There's no way Tranquility Girls are dangerous, right?
By all accounts I've read, they're said to be physically harmless. Something doesn't add up here…
"I was sure that you were going to reject this quest if you knew what it was, but I guess you're a more reasonable person than you look, Satou," Aqua said with a shrug. "My goddess' intuition that you weren't just another sloppy, foul-mouthed, unmotivated NEET who planned to use their cheat to become a playboy instead of challenge the Demon King must have been right on the money."
Were NEET's with awful personalities and questionable moral compasses the only people who ever died young in Japan, or something?
"Why do you want this one so bad?" I asked, but the moment I said it aloud, I thought I knew the answer. "Oh, the bonus money for killing it by today. Right." 400,000 eris was nothing to sneeze at, and that was on top of the regular reward money for the quest itself. "As expected of Aqua. Always thinking of the reward money."
Aqua suddenly grabbed me by the shirt. "That's not it at all! Poor little Leaf Green Martha is just trying to live her best life out there in the dangerous forest, and if we don't replant her somewhere away from the road, another party will surely come along, accept this quest, and murder that innocent child! Satou, we have to save her!"
"Leaf Green Martha?" She already named the monster? At what point did she begin thinking of the object of a kill quest as a pet? I actually had no qualms about accepting this quest at first, but that alone was making me second guess going along with all this. "We're talking about a monster here, right?"
Aqua released her grip on my shirt to answer.
"Technically, yes, but even so, Tranquility Girls are rarely evil! They often help old adventurers suffering from PTSD or people with terminal illness to enjoy the final moments of their lives in the peaceful, caring arms of a beautiful girl, instead of afraid and alone. Please, Satou! I promise I'll be good and I won't ever ask for anything else ever again!"
Aqua was giving me a desperate, pleading look I hadn't seen her wear before. It was times like this that reminded me that whenever she kept her mouth shut, she could actually be quite the looker.
But on the other hand, the difficulty rating printed on the request didn't match with the description that Tranquility Girls were monsters that couldn't inflict any physical damage.
It does say their fruits could disrupt a person's nervous system, nullifying their sensitivity to hunger, pain, or fatigue. To the point that their victims even fall into a dreamlike state just before death. But the solution was so simple―
Meaning a monster like this probably wasn't a good matchup for Komekko. I'd have to make sure not to let her eat any of the fruit if we did encounter one.
…Yeah, that sounded even more difficult than battling the Demon King one-on-one. The more I thought about it, the more worrisome this whole thing started to sound.
"Oi, Aqua." There was one final thing I needed to make sure of. "This is a kill quest. If we only transplant it like you are asking, we would be forfeiting the quest, and the guild would fine us. Isn't that correct?"
"E-even I knew that! But… but―"
"Denied!" I slammed the leaf back against the posterboard.
"Wah! You're so mean, Satou! Waaaahhh!"
In public view of everyone at the guild, Aqua collapsed on the ground and wrapped her arms around my boot, like a toddler throwing a tantrum. "You promised! You promised!"
"Let go! You're making a scene! Great, now everyone's looking at us!"
"You even got my hopes up that you wouldn't reject me, Satou! How can you leave at this point without taking responsibility? Are you trying to make me raise this child all alone?"
"Aqua, shut up! You're going to make everyone here misinterpret things when you state it like that!" What the hell was she even talking about with that nonsense about raising a child? I thought she just wanted to transplant it? Was she phrasing things so weirdly on purpose?
Sure enough, when I glanced up, many of the female adventurers in the room were looking at me like I was scum. I could already see the whispers and rumors begin to fly. "All right, fine! You win! You win, okay? We'll take this quest! Now let go of me and stop crying, for god's sake!"
"So that's the gist of it. Today's quest will be getting rid of a Tranquility Girl," I wearily said to Alice and Komekko as they sat at our usual spot in the guild.
"A Tranquility Girl?" repeated Alice.
"That's right."
At my affirmation, Komekko began to drool even though she had already licked her plate clean. Yep, I'm going to have to keep her on a tight leash this time.
"Leaf Green Martha is a good monster who does not deserve to die," Aqua added to my explanation. "If possible, I would like to take her elsewhere in the forest to replant her. Preferably somewhere that people won't find easily. Oh, but maybe occasionally someone will come along who she can be friends with. I don't want her to get too lonely."
I decided there was no point arguing that her two outlined objectives were fundamentally in opposition to one another. Not to mention, if a Tranquility Girl who needs humans as its basic source of nutrients were to never encounter any, wouldn't that basically be a death sentence in and of itself?
I sighed. If this Tranquility Girl showed even the slightest sign of being dangerous, we would be obligated as adventurers to kill it, no matter how much Aqua defended it. I was not looking forward to that.
Alice was looking rather pensive. "I don't know. As adventurers, our duty is to eliminate monsters as we are requested by the guild. But, if we did find a place where it won't hurt anyone, I suppose that is all right, though…" She seemed conflicted about the matter, too.
On the other hand, Komekko gave Aqua an eager look. "I may know of a couple places in that forest where people don't often go. I bet we could find one that would work for your plan, Aqua."
"That sounds wonderful! Thank you, Komekko!"
"Then once she grows up to be big and fat, we will make a tasty dinner out of her!" Komekko's eyes glowed red as she declared such.
"What? No, we can't eat her! Wait, this conversation is bringing up an unpleasant memory within me! Komekko, what happened to Deadscream Bloody Mary? I just remembered how I planted her at your home in the Crimson Demon village back when you were younger. She's still alive and growing up strong, right? Right, Komekko? Hey, Komekko, why are you keeping silent? Why won't you meet my eyes?!"
"Oh, well, Aqua―you see, it's like this… A passing demon happened to be flying over the village when it saw my emergency ratio―I mean, Deadscream Bloody Mary growing in our backyard one day. It swept down and gobbled up the plant in one bite! Oh, but there was nothing I could do about it, because, um―because I hadn't learned any magic yet, so I couldn't defend the house from a creature that strong! Yes! That's definitely how it happened!"
"Did it really happen like that? Komekko, let's go find one of those lie-detecting magical items and have you tell me that story one more time!"
"Ah! No, please don't do that, Aqua! I'm telling you, it's true! I wouldn't lie to my precious companions, would I? Here, I'll give you some coupons I have so you can buy some bubbly later, so why don't we just drop it with that?"
Komekko is getting surprisingly good at handling Aqua. Is this what they mean when they say Crimson Demons have exceptionally high intelligence?
And so, after Aqua eventually stopped shaking Komekko by the shoulders, we gathered our equipment and set out for the forest located west of Axel. Incidentally, this was the same part of the forest we had just recently visited for that goblin hunting quest. Only this time we would be going deeper into the forest.
We found the designated road before long, which had a posted sign reading 'Road closed due to monster ahead,' just as the quest sheet claimed.
Alice took the vanguard spot, with the rest of us following not far behind. The road was wide enough for oncoming carriages to pass by each other, so we made easy progress deeper into the forest.
"Alice, have you seen her yet?" Aqua asked after only walking for a few minutes.
"No, not yet, Aqua."
And then a few minutes later:
"Alice, have you seen her yet?"
"I will let you know the second I spot anything, Aqua."
Aqua was acting like a child constantly asking its parents 'are we there yet?' on a long drive.
I decided to strike up a conversation to pass the time. "Say, Aqua, you said you planted a Tranquility Girl at Komekko's home when she was younger, right? What were you doing with a monster, anyways?"
"Deadscream Bloody Mary was a good girl who never ate any humans. Why? Because I watered her everyday with my Holy Water, so I am positively certain she grew up into a pure and virtuous flower. Don't lump her in with the rest of this world's monsters so quickly."
"Uh-huh." I assumed this all happened back when she was partied up with the other Kazuma Satou.
Leave it to the man on the path to becoming the Demon King to let his party members raise monsters so irresponsibly like that.
"Everyone," Alice abruptly said, stiffening. "I think I sense something up ahead. It could be a monster." She noiselessly drew her sword and took a defensive stance.
The rest of us held still and scanned the forest ahead. I couldn't see any movement, but Alice wasn't slackening her guard, so neither did I.
Then, in the distance down the road, I discovered a cloud of dust.
I excitedly activated my Farsight skill, eager to be of use to my party.
"I think I see something…" I said, zooming in on the movement.
Then it came into view.
A herd of small, white bunny rabbits with long horns on their heads were dashing madly this way. They looked small and fluffy, but those horns looked dangerous.
"They're a bunch of little white rabbits with horns shaped like a drill," I said.
"One-strike rabbits." Komekko gave their official name.
"They look like they're headed straight for us." I pulled my bow from my shoulder and took out an arrow.
"Everyone, leave this to me!" Alice shouted, and I glanced at her.
"Huh? Alice, you're―"
"Huff! Huff! This is what I've been waiting for! Finally, monsters who are running toward me! Huff, huff! Watch me, Satou! I'll take them all on by myself! Hiyaa!"
Her face flushed red with excitement and her breathing heavy, Alice charged forward in the direction of the one-strike rabbits.
"There she goes," Komekko said, shielding her eyes against the sun's rays to watch.
As soon as the rabbits got close enough to see clearly without the need for Farsight, they seemed to notice Alice bum-rushing them like a one-woman army.
"And there they go…" Komekko added, providing commentary as the horde of rabbits scrambled in a mad dash to turn around and scatter in every direction, fleeing from Alice as if their lives depended on it.
"No, come back!" Alice shouted, brandishing her sword at them. "Exterion! Exterion!" Her slashes reached and killed a few of the rabbits, but most of them escaped and fled in the dense overgrowth creeping up against the sides of the road.
"Darn… I thought I had them this time…"
Realizing her chance was gone, Alice lowered her sword and gave up the chase. Her posture eroded as she gazed at the ground, dejected.
I ran and caught up to her. "Are you okay, Alice?"
"Sorry, Satou. I tried, but I only got a couple of them."
"It's fine. We weren't specifically hunting for those rabbits or anything, so just chasing them off is no big deal, right?"
"I guess you are right," agreed Alice, putting on a slight smile. "Next time, I'll defeat more of them."
I nodded as she clenched her fist determinedly. "Oi, Aqua, how about you guys? Are you doing―"
As soon as I turned around and looked, what should I find but Komekko stooping down on the ground, happily munching on the remains of one of the rabbits.
The monster's blood was smeared all over her face, and I couldn't stomach the sight.
"Bleargh!"
Disgusting! I leaned over and vomited on the side of the road.
"I pity the man who becomes your future husband…" I muttered, rubbing my stomach while still feeling a little queasy as we continued down the road. "I hope he knows what he'll be getting himself into whenever the two of you kiss."
Aqua had used some support magic on me that allowed one to resist the nausea induced by scenes of gore and other frightening sights, like the aura of boss monsters. I was feeling better, but the taste of bile did not sit well in my mouth, or do much to make the memory fade any quicker.
"I should be the one saying that to you, Satou of the weak constitution," responded Komekko. "No girl is going to want to kiss a boy that tastes like puke."
"Better than someone who eats whatever garbage or road kill she finds on the ground," I returned fire.
"Now now, let's find something more pleasant to talk about, shall we?" Aqua interrupted. "A goddess like me doesn't need to listen to such indecent language."
"Um, for future reference," Alice hesitantly brought up, "while we are on the topic of kissing, um, there is something I have always wondered. Um―how do you know which direction to lean your head so that your noses don't get in the way?" She got all flustered as she said her lines.
So cute and pure!
"Alice, you're so cute and pure!" Aqua said aloud what I was thinking and leaned over to commence rubbing her cheek against Alice's side. Curse the freedom of girls to get all close like that with each other for no reason! "I'll tell you a secret, you don't need to worry about those kinds of things! A lady will know the answer to that question when the time is right."
"Is that so? ―I see." Alice scratched her chin and grinned sheepishly.
Ah, well. I'm pretty sure I know of which person Alice was thinking that prompted her to ask such a thing, and that depresses me even more.
"Does that mean big sis Aqua has experience with things like romance?" Komekko asked.
"I am a goddess, after all!" exclaimed Aqua. "Not only that, but I have read practically every shojou manga in existence, which makes me an expert without peer!"
"Ooh!" oohed Komekko. "Impressive! But isn't that basically the same as saying big sis Aqua has never actually had a boyfriend of her own?"
"Ha! Ksu ksu ksu!" Aqua immediately broke into laughter. "Considering the lack of decent men around here, is that really a surprise? I doubt any human could make the heart of a goddess like me flutter! And there is absolutely no way a shut-in NEET, or lolicon, or undead-lover are ever going to capture my feelings!"
For some reason, even though Aqua isn't even close to being in my sights as a potential love interest, hearing her say that kind of pisses me off.
"What about you, Komekko?" Alice asked. "I recall you saying the other day that your heart is reserved for only food and Boss, but for the sake of discussion, don't you have an ideal type of man?"
Komekko put her hand to her chin. "Hmm, not really. So long as he keeps me well fed, I think I wouldn't mind much what type of man I end up snaring." Her eyes glanced in my direction. "Which means, I guess you could say that currently, Satou is the man of my life. He is the one paying for most of my food these days, after all."
She gave me this playful look, but I knew she wasn't being serious. "You should stick with the chuuni routine. Your jokes are not very good, Komekko."
"Who said I was joking?" She continued to stare at me.
…
"Stop it! You're starting to freak me out." I had no choice but to look another direction.
"Tee-hee!" Komekko softly giggled to herself.
She was joking, right? I'm pretty sure, no―I'm really, really sure that she doesn't care about anything except food.
Besides, she's almost as outside my strike zone as Aqua. The only thing either of them have going for them is their looks.
"As for me," Alice spoke wistfully, "Elder Brother has always been my ideal type. He is the only person who doesn't walk on eggshells around me or constantly try to praise me. He is self-centered, crass, and will take advantage of your moment of weakness without hesitation. Even though I am royal―I mean, even though our stations were different, when we would play board games together, he would give it his all with no holds barred, and use every dirty trick or snide remark at his disposal to attain victory."
Even though all the things she was describing sounded like negative traits to me, Alice had a gentle smile the entire time she listed off the Demon King's traits. I was thinking about saying something about how that didn't sound like a healthy relationship to me, but she did look truly happy when she reminisced about him.
Just as I was thinking that, Aqua dismissed Alice's comments with a wave of her hand. "Alice, I really do not understand what you see in Kazuma at all! He's a trashy NEET and lolicon! Have you forgotten that after defeating the Demon King, he went out of his way to be taught advanced magic despite not having enough mana to use any of its offensive spells, for the sole purpose of gaining the Invisibility spell and being able to sneak into the women's bath?"
Yes, Aqua! Tell her!
You know, Aqua and I being on the same brainwave is a rare occurrence. I wonder if I should be concerned about that? But no, we're definitely not wrong here!
"Thank you for your concern, Aqua. However, I don't intend to change my mind about this that quickly."
Alice's feelings for the Demon King are frighteningly strong! This girl is hopeless!
But if she is hopeless, then what does that make me?
"You're at least a match for Kazuma in how stubborn you can be, I'll give you that!" complained Aqua. "Honestly! You, Megumin, Darkness, Eris, even Chris―do all of your brains go blank whenever he's involved? I don't get how you all can so easily overlook the fact that he's a NEET who, despite being the Demon King, shuts himself up in his castle and spends his days lazing around!"
I tilted my head at that. It sounds like my alter ego was doing pretty well for himself as an isekai harem protagonist. At this point, nothing could make me hate him more. But more importantly, "Wait, Aqua, I'm confused. If the Demon King is a shut-in who never leaves his castle like you say, then how is he a threat to humanity?"
Aqua's face went blank. "Eh?" Did she not know, either!?
It only lasted a second, before she chided me with a finger. "W-well, that's obviously because he sends his generals out to do all the dirty work!"
"I dunno. This world seems pretty peaceful to me…"
"Satou," Alice took over, looking me squarely in the eye, "Elder Brother may be the Demon King now, but I know he still has good in him."
"So you keep saying," I sighed with a shrug. "And all I'm saying is, every time I hear about him, it's only ever how he stole some girl's underwear or committed some other outrageously perverted crime."
"Well, that's…" Even Alice couldn't come up with any defense for him for that.
Komekko, who had not spoken up in a while, suddenly pointed. "Hey, I think I see a small girl or something up ahead!"