The idea had been to go to Wiz's shop to browse for magical items that would be useful against the Demon King's general if he attacked the city. We had earned a hefty reward for defeating the Tranquility Girl, and I intended to fulfill my promise: as thanks for all the help Wiz gave me, now that I had a bit of cash, I wanted to buy something from this shop.

But as soon as we stepped through the door―

"Welcome, boy who stayed up all night pondering whether he should risk it all and go visit the Red Lights District without telling his companions!"

Vanir, the part-timer who assisted at Wiz's shop, said the worst possible things with the worst possible timing.

Aqua, Alice, and Komekko all stared down their noses at me during the exchange that ensued.

"―Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! Having your true nature displayed before your comrades must be your greatest fear to produce such shameful emotions!"

How did Vanir know so much? Damn him! He always seems harmless enough, so long as he isn't fighting with Aqua, so I never really took his boasting seriously. Is this what he means by claiming to be all-seeing?

I wasn't really going to visit the capital, but how am I going to convince my party members of that?

"Hachibei! It's wonderful to see you again!"

Hachibei?

Before I could find a way to explain myself, Alice burst into a wide grin while addressing the masked assistant by a curious moniker I did not expect to hear in this world.

"Welcome to our magical shop, thou granddaughter of a faraway chirimen shop owner. Thy Hachibei Moi is one again at thy service."

"Ooh! That mask! It's―it's so cool! It's the epitome of coolness!"

Without missing a beat, Komekko said thus with her crimson eyes shining.

"Hoh?! Thou art referring to this fashionable mask of Moi's? If thou would like to purchase one, thou will need to wait until Moi is ready to produce another line of masks. Thou can add thy name to Moi's list to reserve one."

"I do not have much money, but I will sell you one of my parents as a down payment for a cool mask like that one!"

"I refuse! Moi has no need for useless trash like them. Moi is only interested in cold, hard cash!"

"Komekko! Don't say scary things like that! Shouldn't you be more grateful for your parents' sacrifice in bringing you into this world?"

Komekko said something truly terrifying, which Vanir immediately shot down, and Alice then lectured her for.

"Wait a minute! Who gave you all permission to be getting along with a devil? Luckily the beautiful me is here to correct such a vile existence! Sacred High Exorcism!"

"Dodge!"

"Peeeeen!"

As Aqua suddenly barged in to unleash some of her holy magic, Vanir creepily bent his body completely backwards to dodge the attack, which flew past and landed a hit on a certain walking penguin suit.

Yes, Zereschrute had been trying to quietly hide himself and was unlucky enough to be in the way of the blast. The penguin suit he wore deflated like a popped soccer ball, and I could even see smoke emitting from his body.

"Lord Zereschrute! Are you okay?"

If I weren't so depressed right now, I would have been curious about why Alice was calling Zereschrute by a title like that before concernedly dashing over to administer to his formless suit.

"Gah! You blue-haired barbarian, what are you still visiting this shop for? Go find that brat who formerly served as your guardian and play with him instead of coming around here for a change!"

"Huh? For someone who claims to be all-seeing, did you fail to notice the reason why Kazuma isn't around anymore? Why would I go play with the Demon King? Do you think I'm stupid?"

"Moi thinks that is very much the case!"

Vanir shouted at Aqua before pulling down the zipper on the empty penguin costume and breathing a puff of air into the suit. Immediately, the costume filled back up like a balloon being reinflated.

"My apologies, Sir Vanir, for making you spend another one of your lives on me…"

The resuscitated Zereschrute came back to life before my eyes.

"Lord Zereschrute! Thank goodness you are okay!" Alice bent over and hugged the strange, mascot-like creature.

"L-Lady Alice, please, you needn't concern yourself with my safety so much..."

"Hachibei, thank you for helping him!"

While that was happening, I heard footsteps coming from the staircase that led to the basement―

"Did I hear customers come in? Oh, Lady Aqua and Mr. Satou! I'll go put on some tea!"

Wiz saw us and turned back the way she came.

"I shall go assist the clumsy shop owner," said Zereschrute in an unnaturally high pitch, eager as he―it?―was to get away from Aqua. Aqua threateningly shadowboxed after "it," making "it" scuttle away at top speed.

"And bring out some snacks!" ordered Komekko with a shout.

"Right away, young miss who looks like a Crimson Demon. Wait, why did I answer so quickly?"

Zereschrute said as "it" disappeared down the staircase.

Komekko grinned triumphantly, like her birthday had come early. "Hehe, who knew such a high-ranking devil lived in this town? Although I think I will keep this a secret from big sis Cecily for now. Hmm." She turned around and inspected Vanir more closely. "Alice, how do you know this strangely fashionable person?"

"Huh? Well, Hachibei is Hachibei," Alice simply answered with a shrug.

"No way, are you also devil? ―No, an arch devil? Hey, Aqua, Alice, Satou! There's a duke of hell right here in Axel! Who could have guessed?" ("Duh," Aqua rolled her eyes in the background, sitting at the table awaiting to be served.) "Big sis Cecily said she thought there were some devils living in this town and couldn't prove it, but I was convinced she imagined seeing a succubus disappear down a dark alley that day."

Komekko, who was tilting her head while appraising Vanir, proclaimed her observations. To me, he just looks like a weirdo in a mask. To be able to discern Vanir's true identity with just a look, her intelligence really is a danger in and of itself.

"Hachibei is...?" Alice tilted her head while she processed that information.

"Hoh?" Vanir assumed a more serious face as he brought his hand to his chin. "And what do we have here? Thou must be that mischievous brat from the Crimson Demon village who has caused such a stir among the hosts of hell. Moi art Vanir, a duke of hell, as you have said! Some time ago, one of my colleagues consulted with Moi about thee at length."

Huh? Has Komekko been causing trouble for even devils with her shenanigans? Just when I thought this girl was enough of a handful.

Komekko froze and briefly glanced our way. "Ah, is that so? Ahem! To think that my fame has spread to even the devils of the dark netherworld! Indeed, I am Komekko, the foremost devilish little sister of the Crimson Demons, and she who will one day surpass both the Explosion Master and the Chieftain as the most powerful Crimson Demon of all time!" I thought she looked a little perturbed at first, but she postured in her typical fashion once she introduced herself.

Looks like my guess that she has somehow been bothering the denizens of hell was right on the mark, judging by her nervous glances our way. Why do I have to chaperone this problem child again?

Vanir made an irked face. "It isn't really Moi's business, but for my colleague's sake, Moi feels it is necessary to remind thee that summoning upper ranked devils ought not be done on a whim. Such as for summoning a servant merely to prepare thee meals."

"I―I'm aware of that! I'm still growing! So bringing me sustenance is actually of dire importance!" Komekko made a face and squirmed in a way that properly befitted her age, which was a stark contrast from the usual tough act she put on. "Fine then! You bring me snacks if you are so concerned about my nutritional state!" It was rare to see Komekko ruffled by anyone.

"Moi art not like the rabble of low level devils, runt! Do not attempt commanding Moi without making a proper offering! Oi, ditzy shopkeep, give this nuisance some snacks to keep her mouth busy before she says something truly incredible!" Vanir's voice almost cracked.

Actually, Vanir looks pretty ruffled by Komekko himself.

But if she's doing things like summoning devils―

"Coming! Ah!" There was a crashing noise from downstairs that sounded suspiciously like a teapot breaking. My condolences, Wiz.

It was then that Alice turned around to glance at me. "Aren't you coming in, Satou?"

Everyone else had already been making themselves comfortable or wandering around looking at the merchandise. As for me, I had stayed rooted to the spot at the doorway. Vanir's words had landed critical damage, and I didn't think I could recover.

"Satou?" Alice prompted again.

"I… yeah, right…"

I let the door shut behind me, so you could at least say I had entered the store completely.

Hey.

"Right, here you go, munchkin!" Wiz came trotting into the room with a plate holding a teapot and some cookies. "Please eat up!"

Komekko didn't need to be told twice. She happily nommed away and forgot all her cares.

Hey!

Aqua lifted a teacup to her lips and slurped. "This tea is cold. I thought liches lived long lives? And yet you still haven't learned how to properly brew a pot of tea?"

"I'm sorry! I'll go make a fresh batch right away!" Wiz bowed deeply and was about to scramble off again.

"It's fine. I'll just drink this as is." Aqua took another slurp.

―Haven't I seen this play out before?

"A lich?" Komekko perked her ears. "Big sis once mentioned a lich in her letters. She said that a powerful, large-breasted mage who had given up her humanity was hiding out in this town as a good lich who protected the local cemetery."

Wiz put on a gentle smile and clasped her hands close to her chest. "Your sister is very kind. I won't deny that I am a lich, but I assure you that my heart is still very human."

"Big sis also said that you both competed to see who could cast the more powerful Explosion when facing the Mobile Fortress Destroyer. She said that she won, easily."

"Huh? Did it actually go that way, I wonder?" Wiz touched a finger to her dimple, trying to remember.

Unbelievable!

"I remember now!" Alice declared as she wandered around the store, browsing the shelves. "Elder Brother told me about this store! He mentioned a store that sold wares which always came with a bigger downside than their intended effects were worth!"

Hold on, he mentioned what now?

"The man of which you speak was formerly our most valuable customer," Vanir nodded. "Frankly, Moi is astounded that this shop has not been closed down since that brat last visited, thanks to the useless items the ditzy shopkeep always buys."

("Vanir! That's mean!" pouted Wiz.)

"Really?" Alice's excitement shone through her face. "I was always curious what sorts of products this store sold! What does this magical item do, Hachibei?"

"That is an enchanted fan that has been imbued with wind magic. With just one wave, it will instantly whip up a tornado so strong, maps of cities across the entire country need to be remade. Oh, and the user will most likely perish if they do not teleport away immediately after activating it."

"Amazing! And what about this?"

"That is an exploding potion. If it is not handled with the utmost care, it will explode with enough force to level this entire shop."

"Impressive!"

What's with leaving such dangerous sounding items around so carelessly? Actually, why did we come here again? If this shop only sells useless junk…

Also, how long are these ladies planning on ignoring the elephant in the room?

"By the way, Wiz, how did those cool looking rocks I brought over sell?"

"Oh, actually, Lady Aqua, some of the children came by and looked at them. But they said they could find rocks that were more to their liking by a cave where many neroids live, so I am afraid they did not sell."

…

…

…

"I see."

"But I really appreciate the gesture! I know you mean well, and were trying your best to repay the shop for those potions you accidentally purified! It's the thought that counts!"

Wiz waved her arms to try to console the disappointed-looking Aqua.

Also, what's a neroid?

But more importantly, what the hell is with these people?

"Hey, Alice, aren't those the rocks I found by the river over there in that corner? They're pretty cool looking, right? You should buy them!"

"Um…"

"What about you, Komekko? That one's black, see? Doesn't it fit right into your culture as a Crimson Demon, or something?"

"Who would buy a plain old rock? You can't even eat it."

"―"

Aqua sank down onto all fours, dejected.

"There, there, Lady Aqua. I think your rocks are cool."

"Wah! Wiz, will you buy my rocks?"

"But if I bought them, then what would be the point of earning back the money for the potions? Owowow―Lady Aqua, please let go! Your tears are starting to burn…"

Oh, I get it now.

They're all ignoring me. It's the―what was it called?

The silent treatment.

If that's what this is, I guess I can't blame them―

"Satou! Satou, you're my last hope! Buy my rocks! Please! You think they're cool, right?"

Huh? They're not ignoring me?

Now I'm really confused.

Aqua held up her rocks and looked at me, sniffling. "See, this one's got pretty white swirls on it, and this one is shaped like a snow sprite―Satou? Are you alright? You don't look well; do you need to use the bathroom?"

"No! That's not―!"

Aqua seemed to finally notice my mental state. Now everyone was looking at me.

But their looks were not looks of disgust, like I was expecting. They were looks of concern.

"Is something bothering you, Satou?"

"Are you hungry? I'm hungry, by the way."

"Go on, Satou, spit it out."

How can the three of them make faces like that after they just glimpsed the real me?

Yet even though Vanir revealed my dark secret, nobody has mentioned a thing.

Yeah, so I wanted to go to the Red Lights District! But if anything, it isn't my fault! It's been days since I've been able to release my pent up energy! At least back home, I always had easy access to material at my fingertips alongside a tissue box at my bedside. But there are no cell phones in this world! Every night, I have to sleep in the disgusting stables that reek of horseshit, without any of the modern comforts I used to have back home! I can't get in the mood in a place like that! And to make things worse, I'm constantly surrounded by three girls all day who are certifiable eye candy on the outside, and nonstop headaches on the inside!

So, yeah, living it up a little in the capital doesn't sound that bad.

…I really am human scum, aren't I?

That's what they're all thinking, right? I was certain my social life would be over.

So why are they still letting me hang around? It's like they already forgot about it.

I almost jumped when I felt the soft touch of someone placing their hand on my shoulder.

"Satou, when you feel lost and need to make a choice, no matter which path you decide to take, you will definitely regret it later. Therefore, just choose something that makes you the happiest in the moment."

…Huh?

What sort of weird, illogical advice is that?

Aqua, who for the briefest moment, shone with a sort of radiance about her person, told me such, and almost looked like a real goddess while doing it.

…

…

…

No matter how you look at it, that advice is horrible.

If these girls knew what I was actually thinking, there is no way they wouldn't kick me out of this party.

But if they are going to act like nothing happened, wouldn't it be best to go with the flow? Yeah…

I had better keep these feelings bottled up. If Vanir says something unnecessary again, I'll just deny it. Although, suppose I did get thrown out of the party. Would that really be so bad? Assuming he wasn't lying, the general made it sound like the capital was a pretty nice place to live. It's not like I have a real chance with any of these girls, anyway. Still, disappointing them isn't appealing, either. I don't want them to hate me if I can avoid it.

Ah, what do I do?

"Satou, what's the matter? Is there something I can do to help?"

"Alice?"

Alice, like the sweet angel she was, sidled up to me with a tender look.

She was so close! Too close, in fact!

Ah, my virgin heart wasn't prepared for this!

Chomp.

"Ow! What the hell, Komekko!?" I vigorously rubbed the spot on my arm where Komekko had bitten me. "Wiz just gave you some cookies, shouldn't you be satisfied for at least a couple minutes?"

"That got him to say something!" Komekko jumped out of arm's reach as if she expected me to retaliate. "That wasn't the payback for making Alice distract me with food while you and Aqua took on Leaf Green Martha, by the way. I am still planning my revenge for that, so beware."

Komekko stomped her feet and faced her back to me, sticking her nose up.

This girl! I would say she's being all tsun right now, but I am well aware she only shows her dere side for food.

"Jeez, Satou, what's with you? You've been acting so weird since that shitty devil mentioned you wanting to ditch us for the Demon King's general's offer." Aqua brought her face in close to scrutinize me. "Is it bothering you that much that you're still a virgin? If you want a girlfriend that badly, just join the Axis Cult and pray to me three times a day and pamper me with a luxurious mansion stocked with a full wine cellar and let me eat at the restaurant of my choice every meal, and I'll give you a goddess' guarantee you'll get a girlfriend in no time!"

Huh? Even I wouldn't go that far just to have a girlfriend… And come to think of it, I already pay for her meals alongside Komekko's!

"Ah, is that what this is about? Satou, if you want to meet girls, I could introduce you―wait, most of the young single ladies I know are nobles, so it would be difficult to pair you with someone that way…"

Alice picked up Aqua's loose thread and began pulling, although she didn't get very far.

"That won't be necessary, Alice," Komekko said, pounding a fist. "I just had an idea! I'll be Satou's girlfriend! And once he starts falling for me even more than he already has, I'll dump him and utterly break his heart! Yes, that will be the perfect revenge for tricking me on that quest! Here, Satou! Come and be comforted in the arms of your new girlfriend!" She opened her arms wide as if to embrace me.

"Like hell you are! I'm not a lolicon!"

Komekko gave a most Vanir-like cackle. "Fwa ha ha! Dodonko and Funifura are going to be furious when they hear that I beat them to getting a boyfriend!"

"Keep this up and you can go have dinner at the soup kitchen tonight."

"I'm sorry! I was just teasing!"

Komekko immediately apologized at my threat.

Just then, Vanir, who had been patiently sweeping away dust in the corner of the shop, yelled at us in agitation. "How long do you obnoxious pests plan to loiter here? This is a fine establishment with a good reputation! If you aren't going to buy something, then leave already!"

"Sorry! We'll buy something!" I quickly responded. "Is there anything you would recommend that would help us in case the Demon King's general decides to attack the town when he arrives?"

"Finally! Moi was beginning to think that thou would never ask, boy who was afraid of being kicked out of his own party!"

"I never―stop reading my mind!"

"Fwa-ha-ha-ha!" Vanir guffawed as he went to the back of the store to fetch the wares we needed.

"Is that what you were worrying about, Satou?" Alice gave me a shy look.

"Us kick you out of the party? Ridiculous! Satou may be useless on quests, but I will admit he is at least willing to let me order all the food I like. That makes you a valued... and treasured member of our party," said Komekko softly.

"Honestly, Satou. I already saw your true nature the moment I laid eyes on you in the afterlife. Yet I still mercifully chose to come down and help you take out the Devil King despite your shortcomings. So long as you don't act on your perverted thoughts, I don't mind. I guess as far as guys go, you're―pretty, what's the word? Alright. Yeah!"

I couldn't tell if Aqua was praising me or not.

Well, I guess I do feel a little happy to know they trust me. I guess I was jumping to conclusions. This isn't like a contrived manga plotline where the protagonist gets falsely accused of wrongdoing and all the female characters immediately start abusing him unfairly for it. Real people are much more understanding.

"Now then, this item is just the thing thou art looking for!"

Vanir strolled back into the room carrying a glass bottle.

"This bottle Moi holds is a rare potion with the power to revert whoever drinks it back into their form as a child! It seems this item is especially popular among certain middle-aged noble women who despise their husbands and are searching out the taste of unripened fruit! The only downside is that the change is permanent, as the inventor of this potion never sought out a cure. The user will not return to normal until they age back up naturally. Oh, but their lifespans are not extended either, they just die younger. Now, dear customer who is known to be partial to older women, how would you like to buy this potion for only 500,000 eris?"

Once again, I found myself being stared down the nose at by my three party members who had just moments ago informed me that they trusted and valued me.

"Why would I want that garbage? And it sounds to me like these shota-con nobles need to be reported to the police!"

"Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! I, Vanir, the All-Seeing Devil, do declare that thou will have an easy time defeating the Demon King's general with this item!"

I took the potion from Vanir's hand and smashed it on the ground.