1

Zero's Familiar

"Excuse me, who are you?"

Shaking his head back and forth, clutching it and gasping for breath through the dust that hung around him, Naruto grunted.

A wave of searing pain shot through his body from where Sakura's kunai had accidentally grazed him as Sasuke wielded it to attempt to slit through Sakura's throat. He had managed to save her by the skin of his teeth, carrying her in his arms out of harm's way, but ended up with a cut on his cheek that would have otherwise been fatal to his teammate. He stood there, dazed and confused, clueless as to what was even happening.

"Aww my head…" Naruto mumbled to himself. Pain came in short, sharp bursts. He felt as if his head was going to split right in half.

"Hey! I'm talking to you!"

As Naruto looked up, he was greeted by a beautiful, doll-like girl of short stature, her face scrunched up in annoyance. Her extremely long, wavy pink hair swayed idly in the breeze, blocking the sun's rays from reaching him.

"Who are you?" The girl didn't so much asked as demanded, looking at his face as if it were some kind of zoo exhibit.

Naruto raised his eyebrows.

Who the hell was this girl, anyway?

The pinkish hue of her hair—turning a tad blonde under the pale sunlight of the courtyard—was somewhat familiar, but he was pretty damn sure that Sakura had chopped it short years ago. Moreover, she wasn't that short.

And her eyes weren't hazel, for that matter.

And her voice definitely wasn't as squeaky as that of the midget in front of him.

"Uzumaki Naruto, you know," Naruto introduced himself in his usual fashion.

"I don't care what your name is, peasant! You shouldn't be here!" she barked.

Amidst the confusion, a flash of anger welled up in Naruto's stomach.

"Hey! Don't talk to me like that, ya brat!" Naruto complained, pointing a critical finger at her from the ground, "You're who asked me who I was and I told you! Who you think you are anyway? And why did you bring me here?!"

"Hmph! I'm the one who should be asking you that, you peasant; I'm the one who summoned you here to be my familiar!" the girl fired back with a snort.

"Haaaah?" Naruto uttered. "The hell are you talking about?"

"Unbelievable!" a voice guffawed. "How in the world did she managed that!"

Laughter broke out across the entire courtyard.

"It's a peasant!"

"She summoned a peasant as her familiar!"

"Louise the Zero does it again!"

She turned to face her classmates, her finger pointing at the blonde-haired peasant like he was nothing more than a random animal.

"This…" she looked at Naruto for a moment, furrowing her brow as if trying to find a word to describe him, "This thing… can't possibly be my familiar!" The pink-haired brat insisted aloud. "Just a little mistake! I messed up the incantation spell, that's all!"

"Who you callin' thing?!" Naruto shouted angrily to himself, falling on deaf ears.

He took a quick look around his surroundings. He seemed to be in a spacious, grassy field, full of well-kept trees and bushes. In the distance, he could see rolling green hills stretching out against a cloudless, sunny sky.

There were no signs of civilization, as far as he could tell, outside the fields in which he was lying now. Just vast forests.

Carved rock walls enclosed the courtyard. Turning his head, Naruto was taken aback by the sight of a building that boasted a romantic architecture, as though it had come from another time.

The infrastructure it displayed was nothing like any village he had been to before.

It was completely different from what he was used to in Konoha. There were no temples or dojos anywhere in sight. Unlike the jumble of wires and pipes one could find in every district of Konoha, everything there was so neat and organized.

Not shinobi, definitely civilians…

The crowd of young civilians—they weren't wearing any headbands that marked them as ninja—surrounding the girl sneered at her, while she just scowled there.

Those are some weird clothes they're wearing, never seen anything like that…

They all wore identical clothing, much like the Chûnin and Jônin would sport their standard flat jackets, though it was all actually casual clothing: white shirts, dark blue cloaks and gold brooches around their necks. The men wore dress pants with shoes. The women wore pleated skirts, the latter complemented by various types of stockings and shoes, but they mostly wore Mary Jane shoes.

Naruto had never heard of a shinobi academy having a dress code before. Nor something as outlandish as those.

It sure as hell wasn't like that back at Konoha: the only rules were to show up at all, not to sleep during lectures and don't piss off the senseis—rules that Naruto would gladly break whenever he could.

Where the hell am I?

Granted, the shinobi world was not limited to the Five Great Shinobi Nations, but this place was so far removed from ninja culture that he couldn't help but feel like a fish out of water.

"A little mistake?" a taller girl, with flaming red hair and tanned skin chimed in. "I don't think so! You always screw up, big time!"

The shorter, blue-haired girl nodded in agreement.

"I do not! I just have to try again!" the pink-haired girl yelled at her.

"Hey!" Naruto yelled. "Over here! I'm talking to you!"

"Silence, everyone!" yelled the older man in the group. It was remarkable how his voice—so blunt and effective—managed to stop an entire group of rowdy teenagers in their tracks. It almost felt as though he was reliving Iruka-sensei's lectures, "Miss Vallière," he said to the pink haired girl. He pointed at her with his big staff. "The summoning ritual is sacred, and it can only be performed once! You have no choice, he is your familiar now."

"What?!" the girl whined. "You can't be serious!"

The man nodded, solemnly. "I'm afraid so, you have to finish the contract."

The girl looked at Naruto again, disgust written all across her face. Then she looked back at the teacher. "With him?!"

The man's features hardened. "Unless you want to be expelled, those are the rules of the ceremony. Now, do it quickly."

"Y-Yes, sir…" As she nodded, the girl looked like she was going to cry from embarrassment. Naruto could've sworn that all her blood was running to her cheeks, because of how flushed they were.

The group of students began to laugh.

"Go for it, Louise!"

Her thin eyebrows twitched slightly, as she walked toward him, snapping a troubled glare at him.

As the students' teasing increased, now starting to irritate Naruto as well, he met the girl's eyes with a small frown of his own.

"What you want now?" he asked.

Louise pursed her lips, holding up a thin stick of wood in front of her face.

"Be grateful for this," she declared. "Normally a noble would never do this to a peasant boy like you!"

A vein throbbed in his forehead. "Hey, who you callin' peasant?!"

The girl ignored him. She poked him in the forehead with her stick. The tip glowed brightly for unknown reasons.

"My name is Louise Francoise Le Blanc de La Vallière," she intoned.

Naruto blinked at a loss, "Err… nice to meet you too?"

"Grant your blessings upon this creature and bind him as my familiar."

Then, Naruto realized that the girl was leaning forward, resting her weight on her knees against his waist.

"Hey… hey!" He felt a rush of embarrassment rushing to his cheeks, noticing that she was so close to him. "Wait a second!"

Gently, Louise drew her hands across his head, her rosebud lips puckering out. Oh, God, she was going to kiss him!

Naruto wriggled a little, and Louise gave a cute little frown.

"Stay still, I don't like this either, so let's just get this over with!"

Her lovely features softened, her delicate rosebud lips forming a sweet kiss as she leaned in closer to him.

"Hey!" Naruto protested, but couldn't move for some reason. "Hey! Wait a second we just met and—"

Her warm, tender lips pressed gently against his, silencing the sound of his voice and sending a rush of warmth through him. Naruto couldn't help feeling his cheeks burning, as he became lost in the lovely fragrance of her silky hair—a blend of strawberries on a spring's day.

Even though they'd just met, after such a stressful day, it helped him loosen up a little.

The kiss lasted just a few seconds, but for poor Louise and Naruto, it might as well have been an eternity.

She gave him a shy glance while he blushed; meanwhile, Naruto simply leaned back in the grass, his eyes opening wide and his mouth dropping open like a fish out of water.

Their embarrassed gazes locked for a few moments. The laughter of the other students fell quiet, until Louise regained her composure.

"I-It's done…" Louise stuttered.

The older bespectacled man walked up and stood next to her. "Indeed," he said nodding. "Looks like the Contract Servant ritual is finished peacefully at least."

"That's just because he's a peasant!" someone yelled out.

Louise scowled again.

"Mind your own business! I don't always fail!" she shrieked, turning to face the crowd.

"Most of the time you do though, Louise the Zero!" A blonde girl, her incredibly long hair styled in ringlets with a few freckles on her face, suddenly chimed in with a scathing remark.

"Mr. Colbert! Montmorency The Flood is mocking me!"

"It's The Fragrance, Zero!"

Louise snorted, bringing her hands to her waist, "I think 'The Flood' suits nicely to someone like you who kept wetting the bed like a flood right up until the age of ten!"

The blonde girl's face twitched, "Well, aren't those some nice manners you got there, Zero?!"

The older man slammed his staff on the ground, prompting both girls to cover their mouths and say, "Silence you two!", he barked. "Nobles ought to act with respect and maturity!"

Finally, Naruto snapped out of his daze and remembered that there were other things that demanded his attention—things far more important than this back-and-forth about familiars and contracts that had been going on, and he honestly couldn't care less about.

Akatsuki was still a serious threat roaming around and looking for him due to the Nine-Tailed Fox inside him, and now that he was in the backwoods in who knows what land, he hadn't an inkling of Sasuke whereabouts.

He wasn't likely to make it to the Samurai Bridge in time any sooner, especially since he was exhausted from using Sage Mode earlier. Still, he had to try.

It was only natural to assume that these civilians—at least, that's what they looked like to him—would wind up in the crossfire if he didn't act fast and got on the move. Only he could handle that kind of burden. That was the role of the Child of Prophecy.

He had to find a way out of there. He had to see Sasuke one more time and give him his answer. But he had no idea where to even begin.

So, Naruto quickly jumped up and made his way to the only adult present, not paying attention to the tiny girl's orders to stop and listen to her.

"Hey, old man," Naruto called out as he approached. "I need to ask you something. I got sidetracked on something important, and I was wondering if you knew how I could get back to the Samurai Bridge in the Land of Iron."

Several of the teenagers, among them Louise, were clearly confused by what he was saying.

"Is he delusional?" someone whispered.

"Well, it is Louise's familiar."

"Tch!" Naruto scowled at the teenagers' laughter before shrugging it off with a snort and turning back to the man.

Then he grimaced despite himself.

He let out a yelp as a sharp, white-hot pain suddenly flared up against the back of his hand.

As he held up his hand to examine it more closely, he was suddenly perplexed to see that the strangest symbols began to imprint themselves upon the skin, while the intense pain reached a point where it was becoming difficult to even keep his eyes open.

A soft white glow illuminated the symbols, accompanied by a thin haze of smoke twirling in the air.

It ended just as mysteriously as it began.

"What the hell was all that about?" Naruto wondered out loud, closing his eyes in a thin line as he tilted his head.

"Well," Louise approached, her hands on her hips. "You just were branded with the runes that mark you as my familiar."

"Runes?" Naruto pumped up a fist in the air. "You mean this seal?"

"May I see it?" The older man approached to him.

"Ow, ow, ow! It's burning, dammit!"

"Oh, stop whining, it's already done!" Louise barked at him.

Naruto was silent for a moment, looking at the girl with a steady gaze, before turning to address the man.

"Seriously, who's the lost brat?" he asked, pointing at her with a single thumb.

The girl hissed angrily at him, her gorgeous hair sticking up like an adorable, pink kitten.

"She's Louise de la Vallière. Since she summoned you, you're her familiar now," the man explained.

"Huh?!" Naruto blurted out. "Familiar?! What the hell are you talking about, old man?!"

"That's right!" she said firmly, nodding and holding up a finger in his direction. "I'm your mistress now, so watch your mouth when you talk to me! Don't forget it!"

"She has a temper," the blonde haired girl with curls said.

"You don't say," Naruto said flatly.

The man Louise referred to as Colbert delicately adjusted his glasses. He took a moment to carefully study the unusual markings now recorded on Naruto's hands, his keen interest piqued.

"Interesting," The man gave a slow, thoughtful nod, running his fingers across his chin slightly as he did so. "Quite the peculiar rune we have here."

Nevertheless, he looked somewhat perplexed by them. He then turned his attention to the rest of the teenagers.

"The ceremony is all complete," Colbert said. "Everyone, go back to your rooms, you're dismissed."

"Hey!" Wait up!" Naruto shouted. "You haven't answered my questions, old man!"

"I'll talk with you two later!" Colbert replied. "There's something I need to check!" He gave a somewhat apologetic goodbye gesture on his way out.

Naruto blinked momentarily, having no inkling as to what had just happened and more than frustrated at the lack of answers concerning his current whereabouts.

"Awww, this day reeks…"

He quickly turned to face Louise, his so-called mistress or whatever, planting his hands firmly in his pockets. Meanwhile, she stood before him, her anger evident in her stance. Only now did he take notice of how short she actually was.

If they had met three years ago, she would have been around his height, but now she stood barely a few inches above his chest.

"What you lookin' at?" Naruto grumbled.

The pair stood facing each other for a moment, almost as if challenging one another, though still obviously embarrassed about the kiss from before; then a female voice broke in.

"Hello~" Louise's reaction made it clear that she was not happy seeing the person who took the initiative to speak.

A gorgeous girl with luscious, long red hair that cascaded over her right eye and sun-kissed skin stood before the pair.

She crossed her arms playfully under her generous bosom, highlighted by the daring cleavage window from her dress shirt that set her apart from the other students' more conservative clothes. Her fiery eyes met Naruto's blue ones, and he couldn't help but blush at her alluring figure.

Following her came another pretty girl, wearing red glasses and a somewhat indifferent expression befitting her short, icy blue hair. She stood a little shorter than Louise.

Lost in a book, she didn't seem to be paying much attention to the conversation between the redhead girl and Naruto.

"Congratulations, Vallière, you summoned a wonderful little familiar," the redhead said in a saccharine voice, giggling cheekily.

Naruto chuckled sheepishly, his cheeks slightly flushed at the compliment. "Hehe, t-thanks."

However, Louise quickly crossed her arms and shot back a scoff directed at the taller girl.

"Back off my familiar, Zerbst!"

Naruto glared at the diminutive girl, while grumbling in a low voice, "I have a name, ya know?"

The girl gave a quick little shrug with her shoulders. "Oh, I'm not going to do anything," she gave him a little wink and a playful grin, "Not yet at least~"

"I will introduce myself to him later."

The redhead graciously turned around, waving a cheerful goodbye in his direction as she and the other students lifted off into the air casually like it was something they did all the time. Naruto jumped back a bit, in disbelief, as he watched them go.

"See you later, Peasant Familiar," she chirped.

"Woah! Look, they're all flying!" Naruto pointed his finger at them, his eyes opening as wide as an owl's. "Am I just seeing things?!"

"Louise! You better walk!" one of them shouted.

"She can't manage levitation, anyway!"

"That peasant suits you perfectly as your familiar, Zero!"

Naruto stood tall and shook a fist angrily at them. "Hey! Who you callin' peasant?!"

After a short pause, Naruto resumed his hands in his pockets, a slight snort escaping his lips as the students made their way back into the castle.

The only ones left in the courtyard besides him was Louise. As they stood there, an uncomfortable silence fell like a blanket over them.

After some time, Louise finally spoke up sharply with a question that came across more as a demand than anything, "So, who are you?"

Naruto wrinkled his brow.

"Who am I?" he exclaimed in outrage. "Who are you?! What did you do to me?!" He pointed at the strange seal in his hand again, in outrage. "How come those guys were flying around like nothing?"

The girl exasperated, placed both hands firmly against her waist and sighed.

"What backwoods did you come from, anyway? Haven't they taught you that yelling so loud is rude?" she inquired.

"Backwoods?!" Naruto was indignant, "I come from the Hidden Leaf Village, Konohagakure, girl! And I'm gonna be the next Hokage, so you better watch who you're talking to!"

"I don't know what that place is," the girl answered bluntly.

Now it was Naruto's turn to look at her as though he was off her rocker.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I have never heard of a place called 'Hidden Leaf Village'," the girl stated tersely.

Several seconds passed in stunned silence. Naruto looked at the girl, his eyes widening in bewilderment. He had a hard time trying to assimilate what she had just told him.

"The Land of Fire?" he said, but the girl still looked just as lost. "The Land of Waves, The Land of Wind—"

"I don't know any of those places," Louise shook her head.

Naruto pointed at the castle, "Those guys were flying…"

Louise simply nodded her head, as if it should be as normal as performing a plain Substitution Jutsu.

"They were flying, you saw them with your own eyes, didn't you?"

"What about it?" she shrugged her shoulders.

"That…" Naruto said. "That's not normal…"

Louise raised an eyebrow. "What would mages do if they can't fly, you dunce?"

It couldn't be more any more ridiculous.

Naruto was becoming increasingly certain that he was about to lose his mind. What insane thing had he gotten tangled up in now?

"Well, where the hell am I?!" he exclaimed.

"You're in Tristain's Magic Academy, of course!" she nodded.

"Magic Academy?!" Naruto just stared at her. His eyes were wide as saucers, and he blinked in utter disbelief. "So…" Without taking his eyes off Louise, he pointed to the castle with a trembling finger. "They were actually flying?"

"Are you slow?" she asked, while Naruto tried his best to push the spike of anger that came over him. "Yes, they were flying! It's levitation magic! We've been over this already!"

"Are you saying you guys are actually mages?"

"Jeez, how many times do I have to tell you this?!" she grumbled, then she pointed a finger at him. "And don't call me 'brat' anymore! I'm Louise Francoise de La Vallière, and I'm a second year student, so I'm sixteen years old! From this day on, I'm your mistress, you better remember that, peasant!"

One of Naruto's eyes twitched as she quickly studied her height.

She looked about as tall as Konohamaru was currently.

You're still a shorty… he thought, bitterly.

His anger had begun to subside. It was now turning into a bad omen that ran down his back.

"So…" Naruto pointed at her, "You're saying you summoned me, right?"

"That's what I've been telling you over and over again!" she yelled as she stomped her foot on the grass, giving Naruto a small start. Louise paused for a moment, gritting her teeth, before calming down again, "Why can't I get a much cooler familiar instead of this stubborn peasant? And here I wanted a dragon, or a griffin, or a manticore!" She squealed like a little girl kicking a tantrum.

"Griffin? Manticore?" Naruto repeated, baffled out of his wits.

Louise turned to glare him, "Yeah! Those familiars would've been much better than you!"

"Those things actually exist?" Naruto repeated.

"Yeah, they do, why you ask" she asked, folding her arms across her chest.

"Yeah, right," Naruto chuckled. "That's a nice one."

She didn't look like she was joking in the slightest.

"Good one what?" she replied, raising an eyebrow.

"You…" Naruto stopped for a second, "You're saying they're real?"

"Well, I guess it's normal you haven't seen any since you're a peasant," she shrugged.

All the things that Louise had told him and the strange nature of the whole scenario clicked together.

Naruto didn't like it one bit.

"Hey!" The girl called out to him, snapping her fingers right into his face. "Stop loafing about! Carry me on your shoulders now like a familiar should! I shouldn't even be having to explain all this to you!"

"Louise…" Naruto said flatly.

"Don't say my name so casually—"

"Hit me."

The girl fell silent for a moment, looking at him confused. "What was that?"

"This is a dream," Naruto concluded, it was the most logical answer. "Yeah, of course, it has to a crazy fever dream or something. I was poisoned just a few minutes ago, so I'm clearly just hallucinating. So, if you hit me hard enough, I should wake up and be back at where Sasuke and I were fighting, then I can finally end this whole mess."

"Sasuke?" she uttered the name a little slurred. "Poison? What are you yapping about?"

Naruto frowned, "Don't worry about it" he waved his hand, in an off-handed gesture, "just smack me in the face as hard as you can, I can take it. There are important stuff I have to take care of in the real world, anyway."

Louise's hands went down to her sides. The shadow of her hair concealed her eyes.

"So, you're saying you want me to hit you, right?" her tiny hands balled into fists. "With everything I got, right?"

"Do I have to spell it out for you or something?" Naruto retorted irritably, winking one of his eyes. "Just hurry up already, brat!"

Louise's fists twitched involuntarily. "Aren't you concerned by the fact you were summoned or something?"

"Tsk! No idea!"

I'll try to lower my strength all I can so she doesn't end up hurting herself, she can't hit any harder than Konohamaru, can she?

"H-How could I-I… the third child of the House of Vallière, a noblewoman so proud of her pedigree and ancient lineage, be forced to settle for an unruly peasant brat like you as my familiar?"

"Again, no idea," Naruto repeated, getting more and more exasperated.

"A-And j-just w-w-why in the world did the contract have to be decided by such a salacious thing as a… as a… as a… k-k-k-kiss o-on t-the lips of all things?"

"I don't know!" Naruto snapped at her. "Get this over with already, shorty, I don't have time to waste in a nightmare as nasty as this!"

Something in Louise broke at that.

"Nasty nightmare…" she uttered, her face twitching. "You call that a nasty nightmare?" her voice was low and snarly like a rabid animal.

Naruto just snorted. There was a moment of silence. Finally, the girl erupted in anger.

"I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO'S LIVING A NASTY NIGHTMARE HERE! MY SACRED FIRST KISS WAS JUST STOLEN BY A FILTHY, CONCEITED PEASANT!"

Louise didn't hesitate for a second. With a burst of deep-seated anger, fueled by years of mockery and failures, she smashed her fist down on her familiar's cheek with every last bit of strength her short body could muster.

"YOU IDIOT!"

Only at the last second did Naruto realize that Louise's punch was going to hurt a lot more than he'd anticipated. Before he could even change his mind or put more strength to mitigate the force, a massive blast of pain rocketed into his cheek.

Knocked to the ground by the pink haired shorty, the Hero of the Leaf, son of the renowned Fourth Hokage and disciple of the Sage Toad, the Child of Prophecy, slumped unceremoniously to the ground. The world was slowing down before it went dark.

What a weird dream, man, he mused to himself before losing consciousness.

Little did Naruto know, that was not a dream.

That's how Uzumaki Naruto and Louise de la Vallière met. A massive misunderstanding and a quarrel that would soon become an everyday occurrence at the academy.

And so, the wheels of fate began to spin.