Well, one day, Sonic was watching TV, when there was a breaking news flash. There, on the 5 o'clock news, they showed images of a humanoid hedgehog, like himself, floating in a giant vertical tube with his eyes shut. Except this humanoid hedgehog was black with red highlights. Sonic was immediately reminded of the Pokémon movie, where scientists tastelessly take the Pokémon Mew as a prototype and fabricate a "new and improved" Mewtwo.

"IS THIS THE WORLD'S ULTIMATE LIFEFORM?" read the headline at the bottom of the screen as a female anchor gave the following narrative:

"We've received reports that scientists are trying to genetically engineer a hedgehog that will be faster even than Sonic. He will basically be a better version of Sonic."

"What the…" Sonic said out loud. He was outraged. The world's ultimate lifeform? Up until now, that title had gone to him. He had already saved the world more than once. Most recently from this giant blue Godzilla goo monster.

He had to reunite the Chaos Emeralds to pull that shit off. The Chaos Emeralds are kind of like the Dragon Balls, if you're familiar with that franchise. Basically, you have to unite all the Chaos Emeralds, which are of various different colors, and then, as opposed to getting a wish, you basically go super saiyan.

But, not only were the Chaos Emeralds like the Dragon Balls, they were also kind of like the Infinity Stones from the Marvel Cinematic Universe. But those movies were kind of lame, so we're going to stick with the Dragon Balls comparison. At least for now, okay?

He was also pissed that this new hedgehog was cooler looking than he was.

So Sonic turned off the TV and gave his buddy Tails a call.

Tails picked up: "Hello?"

Sonic responded, "Hey, Tails! It's your boy Sonic."

Then Tails said, "What, you think I don't have caller ID?"

Sonic: "…"

Tails: "What do you want?"

Sonic: "Well, I just saw on the TV that they're making a new and improved version of me. I've had enough of this genetic engineering bullshit. I don't think it's right for people to be playing God. You know, Tails?"

Tails: "Well, the people need someone to save them from global warming, Sonic. I think that's what this is all about."

Sonic: "What the hell are you talking about, Tails?"

Tails: "Look, it's a long story. But I'd give mankind maybe another hundred years before the doomsday clock strikes midnight. If they're lucky. They just produce too many carbon emissions, Sonic."

Sonic: "Well, look who's talking, Tails!"

Tails: "Well, I do my best to offset my carbon footprint, but…"

Sonic: "Bullshit! Well, anyways, how did we end up talking about global warming again?"

Tails: "You said they're trying to make a better version of you."

Sonic: "Ah, that's right! Well, I say we ruin their plans and try to kill him. Are you down?"

Tails: "…"

Sonic: "C'mon, man! Can't you, like, use technology to locate this laboratory?"

Tails: "Uh… that's a slippery slope, Sonic. Besides, I wouldn't know where to start looking for it."

Sonic: "C'mon!"

Tails: "I'll look into it for you… I got to get working on this propellor. I'll give you a call tomorrow and let you know what I find out. Take care, now, Sonic."

Sonic: "Bye, Tails!"