When Sonic and Tails woke up on the beach the next day, for a brief moment, they were unable to recognize where they were. But then they called the strange circumstances that had led up to the present. They never thought they would find themselves in the Dominican Republic.
Anyway, they were not having a particularly great morning. They were both starving. They hadn't eaten since before they were captured by Captain Vasquez. So food become their number one priority.
"I don't think I've ever gone this long… without food," complained Sonic.
"Stop being a bitch," said Tails.
"Easy for you to say," said Sonic, "You don't have a mega-fast metabolism like I do! I'm running on fumes over here!"
"Just try not to think about it," said Tails.
"Huh," said Sonic, "Easier said than done. We gotta find something."
"Can't you just like, run and steal something?" said Tails.
"Uh…" said Sonic, "I mean, normally I would. But in this state of starvation, my super speed powers are greatly reduced. At this state, I'm like only about as fast as Usain Bolt."
"Only as fast as Usain Bolt?" said Tails.
"Yeah," said Sonic, "You remember him?"
"I sure do," said Tails, "Didn't he win like six gold medals?"
"He can take his gold medals and shove them up his…" said Sonic.
"Oh, shut up," said Tails, "You're just jealous because they won't let you participate in the Olympics. It'd be unfair."
"Yeah," said Sonic, "Imagine the day they invite me to participate at the Olympics." He let out a chuckle.
"I guess anything is possible," said Tails.
Sonic let out a sigh and shook his head.
"You don't get it, do you, Tails?" said Sonic.
"What?" said Tails.
"We will never be accepted by the humans," said Sonic, "Let alone allowed to participate in their sporting events. Ha! Imagine that."
"Well," said Tails, "I mean, it doesn't hurt to hope. Maybe one day we will be accepted by them."
"Giving me a fucking break!" said Sonic.
Now, I don't want this to play out like every other cliché pop culture franchise out there that serves as a social commentary about racism or discrimination or whatever. You know, like the X-Men or some shit. As much as I like X-Men as a franchise. But no, that is not the story I wish to tell.
So, just then, Sonic had an idea.
"What if we ate a seagull?" exclaimed Sonic.
"Just got to make sure it's not an albatross," said Tails.
"What's the difference?" said Sonic, "And besides, what's it matter? Food is food!"
"Nevermind. Forget about it," said Tails, "But don't you feel, like, weird eating animals, Sonic? We're animals!"
"I mean, not really," said Sonic, "What, are you going to get all self-righteous on me again, Tails? Besides, doesn't it say in that Bible of yours that we animals are supposedly meant to be food for humans?"
Tails was left stumped.
"Well, uh…" he said stuttering.
"That's what I thought," said Sonic, "Now let's go catch a motherfucking seagull!"
"Fine…" said Tails, "I just hope you know what you're doing."
"Don't worry," said Sonic, "I do."
But he really didn't. He attempted to make a spear out of a stick by sharpening it with a rock, but it didn't turn out nearly pointy enough. But even if it had been, it wouldn't have mattered because his coordination was horrible. His hunger basically had rendered him useless. I mean, maybe I'm being a little harsh, but he basically went from being the world's fastest hedgehog who could coincidentally talk to being just a normal hedgehog who could coincidentally talk. Kind of like Meowth.
"Man," said Tails, "You've really lost your juju."
Sonic, panting, looked exhausted. His stomach was wailing like a banshee. He took a long look at Tails and licked his lips. His animal instincts were beginning to take over. It would be only so long until he would have to turn to his last resort.
But it looked like that wouldn't be necessary. At that moment, a man with a coconut cart appeared.
"¡Coco! ¡Coco, coco, coco!" said the man.
"Coco!" responded Sonic as he rush toward the cart.
"¿Coco?" said the man as he stopped, pointing to his cart.
"Sí." said Sonic, taking a coconut from the man's cart.
"Doscientos," said the man as Sonic threw the coconut against a stone, breaking it wide open.
"No hablo Spanish," said Sonic as he bent down to shove the coconut into his face, tearing into its meat with his teeth.
The man responded by putting two fingers up.
Sonic threw his own two fingers up in response.
"Peace, brother," said Sonic.
The Dominican man let out a long sigh and continued on his merry way.
"I think he wanted you to pay him," said Tails.
"Oh!" said Sonic, "Right!"
And with that, he pulled out a golden ring from nowhere and gave it to the man. The man's eyes widened as beheld the shiny, gold object. He flashed a wide grin as he put it in his pocket and abandoned his coconut cart, skipping with joy away from the coast.
"Well that was easy," said Sonic.
"Almost too easy," said Tails.
"I hope you like coconuts!" said Sonic, "Say… with enough rings, the population here would treat us like royalty! Maybe we could stay here a little while. What do you say, Tails?"
"You're losing focus again!" said Tails, "Besides, where do you keep those things anyway?"
"You don't want to know," said Sonic.