Sakura did not need to hide in a hole - though perhaps, holing up in a cave would have been preferable to the new stage of her life that left her with no time to think about anything except how to get through the day without having a nervous breakdown.
Tsunade, her suitcases packed and ready by the front door, departed Konoha two days after Sakura's return, leaving her in charge of everything, pointedly ignoring Sakura's panicked protestations.
"You're as ready as you'll ever be!" Tsunade waved away her concern, "so long and goodbye, my precious student, I will spend all my money on booze, men, and gambling in the most decadent town I can find and nobody can stop me!"
After battling tears of frustration for about half an hour after the door had closed after her Shishou, Sakura put on a white coat her size, pulled up her hair into a ponytail and called for a full staff meeting. That, she was promptly informed, was impossible because of the many part-time time employees, interns, and outpatient staff who weren't present, but the doctors not currently operating, the nurses, the administrators, the cooks and their kitchen staff, the janitors, cleaners, and technicians who were here gathered in the courtyard, seeming expectant and curious to meet their new boss.
Their very young, totally inexperienced new boss.
Sweating buckets and barely able to control her limbs from shaking, Sakura held an impromptu speech along the lines of "We will work well together because we all want the same thing" with hardly any blunders, which seemed to make sufficient sense to the assembled staff - and that was that, everybody returned to their positions after clapping politely. Like they did not care at all who ran the hospital.
They would soon. After she messed things up, Konoha's good name would be irretrievably damaged.
"Please bring me the operating schedules for the next few weeks," Sakura asked her assistant. She might as well get a sense of how busy they were. Besides, there was no better way to learn the names of all the doctors and nurses - more than half of them were foreigners - than by seeing them in action and understanding their special skills.
"Ah. There are no such schedules," the young man pressed out after an awkward moment of silence during which he blinked his impossibly long lashes at her. "I'm so very sorry."
Since Shizune insisted on staying with the new Hokage after Tsunade had stepped down, Tsunade was forced to search for another aide. She had found what she was looking for in her close vicinity: Hiroki initially came to the hospital to train as a doctor, but had realized that his severe hemophobia was an obstacle he could not be overcome. Sakura couldn't quite help the feeling that Tsunade might have chosen him as her assistant either out of sympathy for a condition she could relate to well or because of his strikingly good looks, rather than his proven aptitude for the role.
"Huh?" Sakura frowned at him, sure she must have misunderstood. "What do you mean?"
It turned out that Tsunade had kept all the important details in her head, which meant that there were no records to study. Nothing.
Sakura walked out of her new office, fled to the rooftop and screamed up at the sky. It made her feel marginally better. She also wrote a scathing letter to Tsunade, calling her all kinds of ugly names, promptly ripping the letter into tiny snippets once it was finished. The rest of the day she spent making lists of things she needed to know and interviewing people who could help her understand how Konoha's hospital worked.
In the days that followed, Sakura got so busy she had no time to hold a grudge nor did she have leisure to curse her elders as extensively as she wanted to. Once she had a better grasp of things, she got so busy optimizing and organizing that she barely had time to go home to get fresh underwear. She brought a suitcase full of clothes and slept in the on-call room. It was fine, the situation absolved her from having to find herself an apartment, which, she had realized, wasn't that easy anymore in Konoha. There was a housing shortage and unless you were ready to move to the very outskirts of the town, being on waiting lists for months was the norm.
The first of her old friends who came by to say hello was Ino. They had occasionally exchanged letters during Sakura's absence, but Ino wasn't the type to spend time putting anything beyond 'how are you? I'm fine. The flowers are blooming nicely' on paper. It wasn't what Sakura had hoped for - severe homesickness had left her craving for someone whom she could share her woes with, someone to look forward to once she got to return.
But how could Sakura begrudge Ino anything? Looking as pretty and delicate as a rare pale orchid, her one-time-rival-now-friend sat on one of the plastic chairs in the hospital cafeteria and flooded Sakura with all the stories and anecdotes she would have needed for comfort months ago.
"Tell me everything!" Ino demanded after running out of gossip and pushed the piece of chocolate cake with whipped cream on top she had selected in the cafeteria in Sakura's direction. "What are the men like over there?"
"Well…," Sakura took a forkful of the cake and put it into her mouth. Too sweet and too dry. What an unfortunate combination. "They didn't compare to our men."
"Ohhhhhhh," Ino exclaimed and winked, "don't tell me you did not stray? You weren't tempted? Not even once?"
That wasn't exactly how she would describe the situation, but Sakura didn't have the energy to explain herself to Ino, so she just shrugged.
"I don't know how you do it, Sasuke is even worse than Sai," Ino sighed dramatically, "he is never here. How does he think this works? He shouldn't wonder if someone snatches you up. Maybe a doctor who is into this kind of look?" Ino gestured at Sakura's hair and face and fake-shuddered. "You need to treat yourself to a beauty session, my friend. You look like you haven't showered in days."
She hadn't showered in days.
"To think that you've got such an important job now!" Ino clapped her hands. "I'm so proud of you!"
"Thanks," Sakura felt pride blossom in her chest. She had worked so damn hard these last few weeks, but now it felt like she finally felt some ground under her feet again.
"Before you ask me what great things I plan to do with my life… We are getting married, Sakura! Sai proposed to me!"
"Oh! Congratulations!"
It was what one said, right? Sakura halfheartedly listened to Ino gush about finding an auspicious date, about the dress she wanted, what she hoped the ceremony would be like and whom she definitely did not want to be there, etc. etc. etc.
"You know who's also getting married?" Ino continued, pushing the cake into Sakura's direction again. "Naruto and Hinata! Very soon, actually! But I'm sure he told you all about it."
Oh! No, nobody had told her. Naruto didn't write letters, she had not expected one, but it still stung a little. Shouldn't she feel overwhelmed with joy for both happy couples? Why didn't she? Maybe because the world had moved on without her, Sakura thought wistfully. Not too long ago, she would have pictured herself happily married before everyone else. But now…
"I have to go back to work, Ino!" Sakura put on a brave face and tried not to open the door to melancholy.
###
She only got busier in the days that followed, maybe deliberately so: The purpose the work gave her was gratifying. People were actually beginning to like her! So far, so good… maybe she wouldn't damage Konoha's good name by bankrupting their first class hospital after all!
"Lord Hokage is here," a nurse whispered into her ear the next morning when Sakura was looking at patient files at a nurses station.
"W… why?" Sakura gulped, instantly remembering her abysmal behavior the last time she had seen him. It was hilarious how present the Hokage was in her daily life without ever being present in person, but not a day went by without someone saying this or that about Kakashi before they stopped short, laughed, and said: "But you surely know this already!"
Why, just because he once was my teacher? She wanted to challenge them, it's not like we're joined through a telepathic link!
But yeah, she had put off a necessary meeting with him for much too long at this point. It was custom that the head of the Konoha medical facilities reported regularly to the Hokage, not least because the village leader signed off on the supplies the hospital needed. Her excuse was that she had just been much too busy. The truth though? It was maskless Kakashi. She still felt flustered about seeing his naked face and had no clue how to deal with that.
"Why is he here?" She queried the nurse who had whispered. Why? Did she have a cold that affected her throat? The policies were clear! If you feel sick, stay away!
"Medical reasons," the nurse whispered, more urgently.
Oh. Now she got it! He was here to see a doctor?! That was why the nurse had whispered! The Hokage seeking medical advice wasn't something the whole village should know about.
"Oh," Sakura gasped a moment later when she really got it. He was here to see her, who happened to be the head of the hospital, which by default was the Hokage's personal physician.
Oh shit!
It's probably best if I clear the air before we start, she decided as she hurried towards her office, I should tell him that I didn't mean anything by it when I told him that he's extremely good-looking, it was just a professional judgment from someone who has done quite a few reconstructive surgeries on people's faces. And the new uniform actually suits everyone, I haven't seen a single person who doesn't look good in it! Sure, not everybody's butt looks as tight as…
She pushed the door open with as much vigor as she pushed away the last thought.
He sat on the examination couch fully clothed, dangling his legs. The mask… in place. All was going to be well.
"Hello!" She made sure to sound extra professional. "Good morning, Kakashi Sensei!"
"Hello, Sakura," he smiled. "How have you been?"
"Busy," she gathered up her stethoscope and groped around for a notepad and something to write. He looked unharmed. Good. No emergency. Just routine. Yes, routine.
"Yes, I'm sorry this was thrust upon you so quickly after your return. But I hear you're doing exceptionally well. As expected of someone as capable as you."
She turned towards him, her lips a thin line. Should she lap up the cheap flattery or tell him exactly how she had felt at being thrown into the cold water to swim?
"The white coat suits you," he remarked, his eyes gliding over her body.
Sakura blushed to the root of her hair. Promptly, his ears flamed up too.
"Uhm," he stuttered. "Because you're a doctor?"
I should have cleared the air, Sakura groaned inwardly. I'm going to die when he undresses.
"How can I help you, Rokudaime Hokage? What ails you?" Professional, be professional, he's just a man, like all the other men.
"Nothing ails me," Kakashi crossed his arms in front of his chest. It looked like he might be pouting underneath that mask.
"Ah, so you just wanted to see me?" She smiled sweetly. No flirting, be professional, the white coat suits you because you're a doctor!
"No," his expression darkened. "Yamato insisted I go to the hospital. Like… kind of threatened me if I didn't."
"Yamato?" She lifted her eyebrows questioningly. "Why?"
Ah, but how could she forget that Kakashi Sensei was the worst patient in the world? He was someone the hospital needed to chain to the bed or he'd be gone in a heartbeat even while bleeding all over the floor.
"He thinks I don't sleep enough."
"And by that he means…"
He shrugged.
"I need a bit more than that, Hokage-sama," Sakura demanded. "How many hours? On average?"
"Uhm," Kakashi cleared his throat. "Three?" On seeing her shocked expression, he quickly added, "or four. Maybe five hours."
She let out a breath she had held. Three hours. That was very little.
"Over what period of time?"
He shrugged again.
"I can also go and ask Yamato and base my prognosis on his opinion."
"Months," Kakashi volunteered quickly. "Several. Many."
"May I ask what the reason for so little sleep is?"
"I'm busy. And when I'm not, it's hard to fall asleep. And when I fall asleep, it's hard to stay asleep…" his voice tapered off.
"Nightmares?" Sakura asked with empathy and he made an affirmative sound. Every war veteran had nightmares and a multi-war veteran such as Kakashi had to have them in an even higher quantity.
"You must be very tired," she guessed. "Let me check your vitals."
"You want me to undress?" He asked with a frown.
"Just the shirt," she stammered, "that's all it takes!"
I will not blush, she told herself, I will not blush! as he took off the flak jacket and began to unbutton his shirt. Do. Not. Blush! And she didn't - because what he revealed when he shed the shirt made her feel ashamed of her silly thoughts and reminded her forcefully of what sacrifices he had made for the village.
The large x-shaped scar on his torso looked angry and red, like it had never been treated correctly. Then she noticed the little red flame tattoo on his biceps, the sign of his past as a member of the black ops. She could only imagine how tough it had been for an orphaned boy to join an assassin squad at that age. Yes, she had asked people about details of his past after the war, only to realize how little was publicly known. Her eyes glided over the many other scars that crisscrossed his torso, each telling a story she didn't know.
"Any problems? Apart from the lack of sleep," she asked, readying the stethoscope.
"Nope," he replied. "I'm never ill."
A pretty strong discharge of electricity shot up her fingers when she accidentally brushed the skin at his back, leaving a trace of ozone in the air. He didn't seem to notice, but she shook her hand with a grimace until the tingling subsided. Was there a problem with his chakra control? It was a one time thing though and she did not give it any more thought afterwards. She listened to his - strong and regular - heartbeat. His - perfectly functioning - lung. She took his pulse and blood pressure. His temperature. Everything was as it should be.
"Do you smoke?"
"About three times a year."
"Drink?"
"Hardly ever."
"What about eating?"
"Of course I eat."
"A healthy diet? Or just military rations."
"Sometimes I eat rations when I work late."
"How many times a week do you work late?"
"Pretty often."
"So you are neglecting your own health on a regular basis," she stated. "Please lie back."
She placed one hand over his abdomen and tapped it with the other, using the percussion to check the organ location and possible blockages. His abs were rock-hard. What she could see of his body was in great shape, there was not an ounce of fat and it was quite obvious that he worked out regularly.
"Well," she cleared her throat. "Let me draw some blood for a hemogram."
"Mhm," he hummed and closed his eyes.
"I'll be right back," Sakura got up after drawing blood from the vein and putting a sticking plaster over the small puncture wound.
"Alright," he said. "I won't go anywhere."
"You've got to be fucking kidding me!" she exclaimed as soon as she had closed the office door behind herself. She felt flushed, her heart rate was up, and the feeling of touching his warm skin lingered on her fingertips. She was in deep, deep, deep trouble.
"Is something the matter?" a concerned male nurse asked her.
"No, thank you!" She smiled stiffly, "could you make sure to do a full blood test on this sample as fast as possible?"
She fled to the toilet to wash her face with cold water, refusing to look at her image in the mirror. What was wrong with her?! I have to suggest another personal physician for him. He won't mind. Why would it have to be the chief of the hospital? Anyone can do it.
"Hey," she said, pushing open the door to her office shortly after, "I wanted to…"
She stopped abruptly. Kakashi was curled up in a fetal position, head on his hands, fast asleep on her treatment couch. As quietly as possible, she closed the door behind herself and tiptoed closer.
"Kakashi," she whispered.
He didn't budge. The sight of him so defenseless was strangely touching. And wasn't he going to be cold? Careful not to touch him, she spread his shirt over his naked skin and went to sit at her desk. The best was to let him sleep a little. But what if he had appointments? A Hokage probably had a full schedule.
"Miss Haruno, I was…"
"Pssst, be quiet!" Sakura snapped at Hiroki who had the slightly annoying habit of forgetting to knock sometimes.
"Oh!" Hiroki squealed with a wild side eye, "I'm so sorry!"
"Shhhhhh," Sakura put a finger to her lips for emphasis as she whispered. "Can you go and look for Yamato? I need him here."
"No I can't. He's in Anbu."
"Huh?"
Hiroki dropped his voice to dramatic lows. "I'm afraid of the Anbu. I start shaking all over when I see one of them."
"Then try and find Shikamaru or Shizune!"
"But… they're at the Hokage tower. To get access, I need to go past Anbu guards. Frankly, Miss Haruno, I do not only start shaking. I get other problems too, having to do with my bowels. Some of them are very…"
"Spare me the details," she interrupted him hastily. "Just clear my schedule for the next hour or so and make sure nobody disturbs me here."
She had enough paperwork to last through the night if necessary. Ever so often while working her way through the pile, she threw her VIP patient a look. His breathing remained deep and regular. He looked peaceful. And that made her strangely happy.
About an hour passed. Sakura, who had just checked her watch for the umpteenth time, squealed when Pakkun appeared before her in a puff of smoke.
"What have you done to him?" The dog exclaimed in outrage after taking in the situation.
"Nothing!" Sakura protested. "He just fell asleep!"
"I can't believe this!" The dog hopped over to the treatment couch. "Oi, Kakashi. Kakashi, wake up! Kakashi!"
Without much further ado, Pakkun bit Kakashi into the arm. Hard.
"Ouch!" The Hokage screamed, shooting upright and shaking the animal off him. "Why, you little… Do you want to end up as pig fodder, you flea infested fur bag?"
"You heartless, ungrateful man!" Pakkun lamented. "Do you know how long I was looking for you? You have a meeting with a delegation from the Land of Lightning! They are waiting for you, you dolt!"
"Oh, shit," the Hokage swore, then froze when his eyes fell on Sakura. "I'm still at the hospital."
"You fell asleep," Sakura grinned, feeling a great urge to walk over and tussle his hair that was even messier than usual.
"Hm," he shrugged into his shirt and began to button it up swiftly. "That's interesting. Never felt so refreshed. So, what do you recommend, Doc?"
"Come see me again," the grin just wouldn't leave her face, especially now that he was grinning back. "My couch is yours whenever you need a quick nap."
"Right," he laughed. "I will take you up on that."
"Hey!" She called after him as he walked swiftly to the window to swing himself outside (shinobi wisdom: rooftops are faster than streets). "Before I forget, what is Sakura's Adventures in the Cherry Blossom Lands?"
"You really have to ask your friends," Kakashi winked and was gone.