"It's not here."
Sakura's heart was beating a frantic staccato rhythm in her chest. Floor, swallow me up, please. She was going to die, wasn't she. From embarrassment.
Both of Kakashi's eyebrows moved up in a blatant expression of disbelief but it wasn't technically a lie, the book really wasn't here: She had taken it to the on-call room last night, realizing how unsafe it was to keep something that called to her in such scandalizing ways in her office drawer. Knowing her luck, she'd be caught by her snoopy assistant with a hand down her panties.
"It's not here? Then you will have to tell me exactly what got you this bothered."
"I won't," she squealed, once again blushing furiously, because she knew exactly what it was that got her bothered every single time: The "'Ride me,' he said hoarsely". Her eyes read the text, but what she heard in her head was Kakashi's voice. A little needy. A little bossy. A little shaky...
"Should we go fetch it together from wherever it is?"
"No!" Her denial was instantaneous.
They stared at each other. He looked grim and determined - was this the face his enemies saw? Sakura balled her fists. Banking her hopes on the surprise factor, she could perhaps knock him out and run far away. To never return. Her parents would be sad, but otherwise? Nobody would miss her. She could seek refuge with the Sand; they had always had a keen interest in Konoha's medical knowledge. Gaara would probably be delighted to have her work as a doctor and...
His glare intensifying, Kakashi shifted his feet into a defensive stance as if he knew exactly what she was plotting.
Sakura took a shaking breath. What was she even thinking... the Sand? It wasn't far enough. Shikamaru and Naruto traveled there regularly. The Kages visited each other at least once a year. There was no escape!
"You know," Kakashi regarded her steadily, not a trace of amusement showing in his features, "I can just walk into any bookstore and buy the book myself."
"It's completely sold out everywhere," she lied quickly. If she got up early enough and went around town as fast as she could, would it be possible to buy all the copies before he could get his hands on one?
Kakashi folded his arms. "Then I'll find someone who will lend the book to me."
"You could just leave," she pleaded angrily. "Forget about the whole thing."
"Oh, could I?" He put a finger against his covered up lips. "After you made me come all this way, frankly worried, to check whether you had a good reason to stand me up?"
It was a good reason! Self-preservation, why was he so stubborn?!
"I do not understand why it is so difficult to report to me," Kakashi frowned unhappily. "And it's not like it's just two friends visiting for a leisurely chat. I need your reports, Sakura. The hospital is a big part of Konoha's economy and I'm going blind at the moment. It makes me look stupid."
True. She had failed him and Konoha by not doing her duty. She should just apologize and get her act together but... goddammit, there he stood, just doing his job, and here she was, full of unspent lust, unable to behave professionally because she couldn't see him and not think of those scenes in the book.
"Tell me what to do," he added with a sigh. "So that this...," he wiggled his index finger back and forth between them, "...works like it used to."
"It's not your fault," Sakura admitted. "I'm just..."
A bitch in heat.
"That volume 6 must be quite the rage," Kakashi chuckled suddenly. "Come on, Sakura. Let's be adults about it. Someone writes about a masked sensei with silver hair. Whatever you read, it's a fantasy, nothing more."
"Who wrote it?" Sakura might as well try a diversion. "You must know!"
Kakashi shook his head. "Not a clue."
"It's someone who knows both you and me," Sakura added. Someone who knows you intimately well. "Who...?" A suspicion hit her like a shower of ice-cold water. Her breath caught in her throat as an unsettling thought took hold of her mind. Sakura clasped a hand before her mouth in shock. No!
Mizuki had blond hair. The behavior... it fit, It fit!
"Did you have an affair with Tsunade?" Sakura cried.
"Affair?" Kakashi echoed. "That's not what it's called when two consulting adults have a relationship."
"Relationship?" Sakura squealed. No denial?! Kakashi and Tsunade...? When? What? For how long?! Was this well known to everyone?!
"Tsunade can't write a straight sentence, I know for a fact because I had to deal with her written reports," Kakashi shrugged. "Can't be her. Besides, it doesn't matter who wrote those books."
"It doesn't matter?!" Sakura hyperventilated. "How can you say that? It matters a lot! Don't you care about your privacy?"
"My privacy?" Kakashi snorted. "Yes, I care about my privacy. Quite a lot, in fact. That's why I don't give a shit what somebody writes about a silver hair sensei in some gaudy books, because it has nothing to do with me!"
"You are sleeping with your student in those books," Sakura blurted out. "And she's married!"
"Huh," Kakashi deadpanned. "I see. Quite the fantasy."
Sakura pressed her lips together so hard her face began to hurt.
"And you find that ... what? Repulsive?" He continued, frowning. "And you are so repulsed by me, who, for the record, would neither sleep with my student nor with a married woman, that you cannot act normally around me anymore?"
Repulsed? No, definitely not, sir. Her silence combined with her flaming cheeks told him loud and clear what she had sought so desperately to keep to herself.
"Oh," he stammered when things clicked in his head. "I see. Well, er... it's late and I guess... maybe... you just come see me when you're... er... ready?"
He retreated through the window, fast.
"Shit," Sakura groaned. "Shit."
###
After there was no cringe left in her, and some lengthy soul searching, Sakura decided that she was ready to try a meeting again on the evening of the next day. After a good night's sleep and a successful day of hard work she felt on top of the situation. Kakashi was right: Kenji was just a character in a shitty book, who arguably reminded her of Kakashi (a lot) - but it wasn't him, he was just someone's fantasy. Why not just pretend it was normal to be turned on by one's Sensei's look-alike having raunchy sex in a novel.
Maybe it was, actually.
While Kakashi had promptly dismissed the idea of Tsunade being the author, Sakura was convinced she had found the culprit. Everything fit! The writer had to be a woman, she seemed to know both of them (him particularly well) and she had no scruples whatsoever. Yup, that's Tsunade for you. What to do about it though? She had considered writing her Shishou a letter, but what should she write? "I have reason to believe that you have written about me - or someone looking like me - and Kakashi - or someone looking like him - and I do not approve?"
Like Tsunade would give a shit. If it was true that the books sold as much as the shortage of some volumes suggested, the author had made a shitload of money. And if Tsunade had made a shitload of money... she'd be away spending it on booze and gambling.
Yup. Exactly.
Never mind the discovery that Kakashi and Tsunade were - or perhaps had been? - a couple, that was something else entirely to wrap her head around. In the meantime, Sakura had come to the conclusion that this "relationship" wasn't common knowledge, people would have told her about it! The age gap was a bit scandalous but she had to admit that they would certainly look good together, a real power couple. Konoha loved that kind of thing.
She didn't, because the "'Ride me,' he said hoarsely" had lost its dynamite now that she suspected it had been said by one of her teachers to another. All of this begged the question of how much that book was based on real experience and how much was made up. Did she want to know though? She did and she definitely didn't. Awkward. Yikes.
For years, Naruto and her had tried to find out whether Kakashi had ever had a girlfriend - even Sasuke had been very curious though he would never have admitted it. Naruto had always been of the opinion that Kakashi had no clue about women, while she had believed in a tragic, forbidden love with a fiery woman from another village.
Oh well. Had she written her own fantasies down, maybe she'd be a book millionaire too now.
The stairs and corridors of the Hokage tower had been freshly scrubbed not too long ago, everything smelled like that jasmin-detergent her mother used as well. A good omen. Sakura pressed the two reports in their colorful transparent file folders against her belly, trying to feel less self-conscious about them. The first was about her mission abroad, ten pages long, a description of things she had observed and learned in the foreign lands, with some recommendations at the end. It wasn't a bad report, but it felt insincere for what it didn't contain: her simmering fears that their world was going to change too, slowly perhaps, but inevitably - that their way of life was a thing that would not survive. That those foreigners would come to their continent with their loud machines and egotistical ways of life and that greedy politicians would only see the profit to be made, not the damage it would do.
Peace was such a brittle thing.
But that wasn't news to Kakashi, was it. He didn't need her and her fears to further burden him. And there was nothing they could do to stop the inevitable.
The second report was based on her work as Head of the hospital. Though she felt proud of the ways she had reorganized things and had tried hard to feel good about this report, she had run out of time at the end and had not managed to write a conclusion, nor had she been able to formulate recommendations. Well, asking for more money felt weird anyway. They'd do just fine without it.
Sakura knocked at the Hokage's office door, trying to calm her nerves by breathing deeply. Please, don't let him look too sexy and mysterious and hot. She had already made enough of a fool of herself for a lifetime. Just deliver the reports as is expected of you. Smile mysteriously. Answer questions. Leave.
No answer.
Nervously, she looked around. Where was everyone? It was late in the afternoon, but not that late. Had he not said he'd have time for her anytime? Had she missed something?! She knocked again, then entered cautiously.
The later afternoon sunlight hit the stacks of paper, neatly arranged, on the desk. Dust motes were dancing merrily. The Hokage's chair was empty.
"Hello?" Sakura called out with a sinking feeling. "Is anybody here?"
The door to the aide's office was opened brusquely. "Is that you, Sakura?" Shizune poked her head out, a broad grin appearing on her tired face. "I didn't know you had an appointment. It's so nice to see you!"
"It's been ages," Sakura grinned back, "new haircut?"
"Yes," Shizune touched her shorter hair a bit self-consciously. "Kind of needed a change."
"Is the Rokudaime not here?" Sakura pointed her chin at the empty chair.
"No," Shizune's facial expression darkened.
"Is he going to be back soon?"
"I don't know," she said angrily.
Sakura lifted her eyebrows in surprise. "Did... something happen?"
"I'm not talking to him," Shizune huffed. "He fired Yamato!"
"What?!"
"And promoted Sai to Anbu Commander!"
"No!"
Kakashi was due an earful, Sai was practically married! Wasn't there a rule that only unmarried people stayed in the Black Ops?
"Yamato was the only one who dared speak his mind," Shinzune said bitterly. "And now that he's gone..."
"He fired him for speaking his mind?"
Sakura was taken aback, that was not like Kakashi at all. Yamato was one of his best and oldest friends. Besides, he had never minded a bit of constructive criticism. What was going on?
"We were just worried about him!" Shizune exclaimed. "He became more and more forgetful and reckless on top."
"Maybe because he was poisoned," Sakura suggested. "It's possible that it affected his memory."
"Poisoned?!" Shizune clasped her hands before her mouth. "What are you saying?!"
Kakashi hadn't told his staff? Ah, probably because he didn't want them to make a fuss. He had always hated too much attention on himself. Well, tough luck: The Hokage's staff needed to be informed about something as extraordinary as this.
"I neutralized it all," Sakura nodded. "I should have extracted some for testing, but alas..."
"Who dares to poison the Hokage?" Shizune balled her fists angrily. "I wish Yamato were here! He'd know what to do! We cannot just go on as if nothing had happened! We need to find the culprits!"
"I'd expect Kakashi to be on this. But where is Yamato?" Sakura asked. "I'm sure he wouldn't just sit still after being fired."
"That's true," Shizune gnawed her bottom lip. "I haven't seen him since he ran after Kakashi yesterday, but assumed he went to the Anbu headquarters. It's where he goes when he's depressed."
"Say hi when you see him," Sakura looked at the empty chair once more. "And you're sure you don't know where Kakashi went?"
"No!" Shizune narrowed her eyes in anger. "He didn't tell me!"
"It looks like there's a lot of work left," Sakura observed, eyeing the documents with apprehension.
"Yes," Shizune agreed, "it's like that every day. He stays late to finish everything."
"So he will be back soon."
"Most likely, yes," Shizune sighed. "I hope he eats something proper. He forgets that too."
"I'll wait, then," Sakura said quickly before she could change her mind. If she went back to the hospital, she might very well lose the courage to return some other time.
"Do you want to wait upstairs? In the Hokage's apartment," Shizune added after she saw Sakura's astonished face.
"Are you sure that's appropriate?"
"Yes, he has people wait for him there all the time, because it's much more comfortable," Shizune nodded. "There's even a little fridge just for guests. I stack it regularly with water and honeyed tea."
Shizune led the way up the stairs. Funny, even when training under Tsunade, Sakura had never been in the Hokage's penthouse. And Kakashi let people wait there frequently? So much for liking his privacy...
"So," back to the important topics, "Kakashi and Tsunade, hm?"
"Hm?" Shizune looked back over her shoulder at her briefly. "What about them?"
"Oh, I mean...," did Shizune really know nothing or just pretended to be ignorant? "The two of them... are they...?"
"... both equally difficult," Shizune sighed, "I don't even know why I decided to stay with the Rokudaime. Misplaced patriotism, perhaps? I would much rather have traveled the world like you, I am so jealous!"
"It's not that great," Sakura mumbled, deciding to let the subject rest. For now. A secret relationship? That was intriguing.
She had expected a traditional style apartment, but the Hokage's residence was a modern, upscale, impersonal space. It even smelled new. Shizune showed her the couch, the fridge, the magazines and books that were there for guests and told her to feel at home, but had to excuse herself because she had an appointment in town.
"I'll put a note on his desk that you're up here," she said, waving her goodbyes.
Soon alone, Sakura opened the fridge to study its contents. Mochi, beer, cold tea, water. She wasn't thirsty, but took a bottle of tea because Shizune had been particularly proud of it. Then, she had a look at the books on display. Pfft. Nothing fun, just history books, also "The Art of Jutsu" by Tobirama Senju, the "Shōninki" by Fujibayashi Yasutake, and "Shinobi Hiden" by Anonymous, among other ninja classics and texts about war and strategy. Where were Kakashi's fun books? Storage, he had said.
Sakura eyed the closed door at the far end. That had to go to the rest of the apartment. Hmm... She had always been nosy.
Stop. Privacy. He said he valued it.
With a sigh, Sakura sat down on the impersonal couch that could as well have stood in a doctor's waiting room and grabbed one of the magazines. It turned out to be one about home gardening, lots of pretty pictures of flowers and plants. It would do. Anything to take her mind off him.
Sakura was just reading an article about how to best grow Shishitou peppers on the balcony - not that she ever would have the time, gardening sounded demanding! - when she heard a scratching sound from the door that led to the rest of the apartment.
And a whimper?!
She jumped to her feet and rushed over, planting her ear on the door. "Is someone there? Do you need help?" She called out.
More scratching and whimpering.
"Hello?" She pushed down the handle, half expecting it to be locked, but the door swung inward and out shot... a tiny, black something that immediately attacked one of the pillows on the couch with sharp little teeth and a wannabe ferocious growl.
"No, stop that!" Sakura shouted. "You cannot eat this!"
The puppy, delighted to have found an equally enthusiastic playmate, pounced on the next pillow, its tiny teeth tugging at the fabric viciously. Excited barks filled the room when she attempted to rescue the pillow but the puppy managed to drag it to the floor.
"Are you a new ninken? Does Kakashi not have enough?" She managed to grab both pillows and put them out of reach, mindful of the sharp little teeth that were flashed in her direction playfully. "Gods, the energy you have."
If it was a ninken - and what else could it be if it was in Kakashi's apartment? - it wasn't of the speaking kind, because it just started zooming around in the living room, sniffing every corner and investigating every object in its path. Then it lifted its leg against a potted plant.
"No! You cannot...!"
Too late. A stream of urine was released, forming a puddle on the floor. The puppy sniffed it happily and looked at her, probably expecting praise.
"Oh boy," Sakura sighed. What a mess. Had Shizune left already? "I'm a cat-person," she told the puppy who was wagging its tail enthusiastically, "they're dignified and clean and no work at all."
"Woof woof!"
The puppy zoomed past her to disappear behind the other door. Something shattered. A few yelps and howls followed. Then silence.
"Oh no," Sakura groaned. Had the stupid animal hurt itself?
Cautiously, she poked her head through the door. The apartment behind lay in darkness. But there could be no doubt who lived here: Kakashi's scent was strong. Her stomach fluttered. Be strong, Sakura. He isn't here.
There was more whimpering, somewhere to the right. Sakura took a deep breath. Privacy be damned: That little doggo needed her help.
###
Kakashi's mind was clearer than it had been in ages. For too long, he'd been trapped in a relentless cycle of duty, suffocated by responsibility. But now, surrounded by his pack of ninja dogs, he felt liberated. Here, amidst the forest, he could abandon his worries, letting his instincts guide him as he moved through the trees at breakneck speed.
If he hadn't been born human, he would've gladly been a dog. The companionship these creatures had offered him since his orphaned youth was immeasurable—stronger, even, than most human bonds.
But reality, as always, had a way of creeping back in. As the exertion of the hunt began to settle into his muscles, his breath coming slightly shorter, his mind wandered back to the thoughts he'd been avoiding and the one big concern that loomed larger than the rest: Sakura.
Surely he had misunderstood her and she had not implied she wasn't entirely repulsed by the idea of him sleeping with one of his students. Which, considering his other two students were men and he felt no particular inclination toward his own sex, left her. That potential willingness, though surely a misunderstanding, was both arousing and deeply unsettling. It wasn't something that was ever going to happen, of course, but… No. No buts. No. Buts.
He'd let his curiosity get the better of him. That morning, he'd sent a young Anbu guard into town to fetch the very book Sakura had practically pleaded with him not to read. The guard had returned within fifteen minutes with the volume and Kakashi, a quick reader, had found the passages she had referred to almost instantly.
Well. Steamy.
Self-preservation dictated that he not dwell on the thought of Sakura poring over those explicit lines, wondering what might have crossed her mind as she read them. It took all his discipline to remind himself that she was not only his former student but also his comrade—someone he was bound to protect. His position demanded restraint, and the trust they had cultivated over the years was fragile. He couldn't afford to jeopardize it by viewing her through a lens clouded by personal desires.
Kakashi clenched his jaw, pushing the intrusive thoughts away. Sakura was no longer the young girl who had once looked up to him. She was the head of Konoha's hospital, a formidable kunoichi, and a respected colleague. As Hokage, his duty was clear: to safeguard the village, its people, and the delicate balance of power. Their relationship—rooted in trust, professionalism, and shared history—couldn't be compromised.
He reminded himself to compartmentalize, as he always had. Emotions, personal yearnings, distractions—those were things he had long since mastered. It was second nature to him, and it would be now. It had to be.
"Are we a little out of form?" Pakkun grumbled, always quick to hone in on any weakness he spotted in Kakashi.
The pack had slowed their pace, tongues lolling, drooling happily, tails wagging in contentment.
"I'm getting old, that's what it is, Pakkun," Kakashi sighed, rolling his shoulders with a wince.
"Excuses," Pakkun shot back without missing a beat. "You're distracted again. Why didn't you bring her along?"
Kakashi shot him a sharp look. "I think we've gone over this before." The idea of asking Sakura to join him on a run with his pack—his dogs—was absurd. She'd be scandalized.
"You're the most annoying when you stand in your own way," Pakkun retorted. "Nothing good comes from denying yourself what you truly need."
Kakashi's eye twitched. Why was he even arguing with a dog? "All I truly need right now is a shower," he replied flatly. "I've told you countless times, Sakura is like family to me. Like... a little sister. I have a duty to guide and protect her, that's all there is to it. Now shut up."
Pakkun scoffed loudly. "Little sister, huh? That's an interesting way to put it, you pervert."
With a growl, Kakashi lunged, hands outstretched to grab Pakkun by the ears, but the dog nimbly dodged.
"You're so predictable, Kakashi!" Pakkun barked, amused. "Denying the truth won't make it go away."
Kakashi's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Oh, you'll be sorry, Pakkun. Just you wait."
"Uhhh, I'm quivering in my non-existent boots," Pakkun quipped, shaking himself so vigorously that his ears flopped in every direction.
They parted at the village gates, the dogs happily pounding into the night.
"Before I forget!" Pakkun called out over his shoulder. "We left you a little present; we thought you could use the distraction!"
Kakashi stopped dead in his tracks. "What do you mean, 'a little present'?"
As night enveloped the surroundings in a blanket of silence, Kakashi stood alone, the weight of apprehension settling heavily upon his shoulders. The combination of 'little present' and 'distraction' sounded like big, big trouble. Could it be a collection of torn-up books or important papers? Perhaps it was a mess of scattered garbage or upturned furniture. Chewed-up shoes? Shredded pillows? Old bones?!
With a resigned sigh, Kakashi turned back toward the tower, his instincts tingling with foreboding. The Anbu guards at the gates stood at attention as he approached, stifling yawns as they saluted dutifully. Yes, it had gotten rather late. He exchanged a few polite words with them—everything was quiet in the village, which was good news—and then made his way straight up to his apartment, taking three steps at a time. Not only did he need to see "the present" immediately, but he also needed a shower and a strong cup of black coffee before tackling the mountains of documents still waiting for him.
Why was he reminded of Sakura's scent as he ascended the stairs? And it only got worse. His whole apartment smelled like Sakura deluxe intermingled with a faint whiff of dog scent. Fucking great. Was this a new detergent?
He closed the door behind himself, checking the anteroom for the disaster he was expecting.
Nothing.
So they had entered his sanctuary to do their worst? With a resigned sigh, Kakashi took off his shoes, his jacket and his shirt, throwing the garments on the couch. The messy couch, he noticed. Someone had been here in his absence! Stilling for a moment, he racked his brain wondering whether he might have forgotten an appointment? But no, he had made sure he had a free spot for his dog-outing. Kakashi took off his mask and his headband, depositing them on the couch too.
Frowning, he sniffed the air. There was the Sakura smell but also something else. Something he knew very well too. Dog pee.
"Pakkun," he growled. Had the dogs peed into his apartment? What kind of sick joke was that?
Slipping out of his trousers too, he padded across the room in his underpants, searching and quickly finding the tell-tale signs of a dog's mishap against the potted plant. He was probably too tired, but he didn't recognize this particular scent as one of his pack. He sniffed the air again. It was increasingly weird. Had they brought in a strange dog? Why?!
Feeling his apprehension growing again, he went through the door that led to the rest of his apartment. Something was definitely off, he surmised after switching on the lights, but what was it? There was no visible chaos, only little signs of someone's presence. And why was his bedroom door open?
Bracing himself, he tiptoed towards the room and put his head in. What he saw in the soft light from the corridor made him rub his eyes in disbelief. Was he dreaming?
"Sakura?" He croaked.
A pink head shot up from his pillows and with it a black little something that went straight for his throat.