February 18th 2024

Chapter 49
The Trouble With Loss

A week had gone by since they'd had the funeral for Patty, and now that they had moved passed the immediacy of her passing, it got to the point where they had to figure out what this would all mean for the future. She was in their hearts, and there she would remain for all their lives, but she would be forever stationed in the time when they had lost her while they continued to draw further and further ahead of her. They had made it to a point where so much of their life felt as though it had moved on, back in the day to day, because it made sense, but at the same time they would realize this and immediately feel like it was wrong… maybe… She had just been lost to them. Shouldn't they still be grieving? They were still grieving, even if it might not look like it to some, they knew. But Patty had meant so much to all of them, for so many years, and it didn't seem like enough. They had moved into this new phase, this in-between, and they knew that it would never feel right to them.

The kids continued to do their thing, greeting the picture every morning and every night. It wasn't as though they saw her every day when she'd been alive, so there would be times where they would be just fine, going about their days… and then they would think about her. They would think about how they wanted to see her, and they would be reminded that this was impossible, and it would leave them in an upset mood for the day. The little sisters were especially prone to crying fits, while the older ones would either isolate or go seeking the nearest parent to hug. The part that might have been the hardest on Maya or Lucas to watch was Ezra.

He was still too little to really know what was going on, and there was nothing they could do about that. But in the meantime it was all happening around him, and he didn't understand. He was living his best little life, and he might not even realize that his great grandmother was gone. It had taken until this day for him to stop and ask why they weren't seeing her anymore. It was so innocently asked, and even though they could piece together some story for him, all it made them think about was how he would very likely forget her in time.

This had led Lucas to start and seek out what records they had of her. Photos existed in multitudes, and they had loads of videos, too. After they'd spoken to Ezra, after the kids had gone off to bed and it was just them, with Maya going through another batch of diaries, Lucas settled in next to his wife with his laptop, going through the many video files to copy over those that he needed. They were diligent in naming each video so they would know what it was, but it didn't stop him from opening many of those videos to watch through parts of them. Maya would be focused on her work, but he knew that she was at least listening in. He would see her react, smiling here, nodding there… Eventually, she had done what she'd needed to do and she set her head against his shoulder, where she was happily received.

"She really was so pretty, wasn't she?" Maya hummed, hand moving absently along the curve of her belly. "The way she smiled, it was everything. You knew she was just so kind, and she would listen to you… and you would want to listen to her." They sat there in silence, the only sound coming in from the computer, not so high as to risk bringing the kids along to see what they were doing. In that silence, they could simply acknowledge with one another how much they both missed her so much. She may have started out as one thing to one of them, but she'd become so much more, to both of them. It didn't feel possible that she should be gone.

They thought about the two men who had lived with her in these last years of her life. They thought about Thomas, and how grateful he had been made for having her in his life. It had been years since his mother had passed away by the time his father met Patty Robinson, and the idea of his ever finding someone new, of his getting married again, had felt impossible. This was nothing to do with him and his belief that no one could go and replace his mother. It wasn't about replacing Susannah, it was about seeing Joseph find someone that could make him feel some of the things he'd stopped feeling when she'd been gone. He just didn't think his father would ever allow himself to go there. Back when he'd still lived in the house that had become Lucas and Maya's home, he hadn't even slept in the room he'd once shared with her after she'd passed, not so long as he'd lived there without her.

But then Patty had happened, and it had changed everything. She and his father had gotten married, and Thomas had spent the next few years trying to figure out how she fit in his life besides being his father's second wife. In truth, it wasn't until he'd lost Melinda that she ever got to feel like a mother to him. He didn't know that he could have made it to where he'd gotten to be after his loss if not for Patty. And now she was gone… He had lost a mother for the second time, and it was a different kind of blow from the one he'd suffered the first time, but it didn't change the fact that she had been elevated to this title, and Thomas had been so proud to be her son.

Everyone was concerned for Pappy Joe, and as the days had accumulated, he had done nothing to lessen any of those concerns. His son had seen him like this three times before, twice for his grandson, both of them having been very young for one of those but still remembering enough. There had been the loss of his little Annabeth, and then that of his Susannah… There had been the great fall down the stairs and the long recovery that followed… And now there was Patty, and there was no ignoring how much energy it had taken out of him, until he looked far beyond his years. They had worried for him before, but it didn't seem nearly so bad as it did now. Now, there was suddenly a very real fear that he might waste away, that he would let himself go without finding a single thing to hold on to and keep him here, even though he had them.

Lucas had been going out to visit him, even if just for a few minutes if that was all he had, every single day. He'd gone alone at first, unsure of just what he'd be finding. Then he'd started to bring Ezra, to see how his grandfather would respond to the two-year-old's presence. He loved his great grandchildren, and they worshiped the ground he walked on. They didn't see the parts of him that were getting older, weaker. They just saw their Great Pappy Joe. It was who Ezra saw, and he would try and climb to sit by him as soon as he saw him. Lucas would help him, and there he'd sit, happy and in no way aware that anything might be wrong with the man. All that mattered was that, in time, he would reach over and pull him to sit on his lap, and they would watch the television together.

With the rest of the kids, they had done what they could to explain to them what was happening with Pappy Joe, so they would know what to expect and what not to expect. This would go one way or another, they suspected, depending on each of their daughters. Some of them would barely have needed to be told anything. They would understand right away that he needed time, and peace… The others would see him as he was now and be so unsettled by it, by how it was just so not the way he was meant to be, that they would struggle to even approach him. No one would force them to do anything. They would all rally around him, those who could, and whatever there was to be done would be done.

They didn't doubt that he was aware of what was going on around him, that they were talking about him, about trying to figure out how they might help him and what might happen if they weren't able to do that. He would know, but he just wouldn't have it in him to say something. Part of them wanted him to say something, wanted him to rage and tell them to stop fussing over him. That might have been better than the alternative. So long as he just sat there and let it all happen… he would only end up sinking deeper and deeper until all the love and care in the world would not allow them to get a hold of him again and pull him out. The Friars were all over this, the Hillards, and the Cassidys…

The Hunters and the Hart-Lanes were in it, too. How could they not be? Maya may have been the one to marry into the Friar family and all the branches of its family tree, but she hadn't come alone, and in the many years since she had been in that family in any way, bonds had been formed all around her. Parents, grandparents, siblings, everyone… They knew the Friars, they cared for the Friars, and when they went through something like this loss, they would be there for the Friars.

Patty Robinson had once been the subject of so many energized tales out of Maya when she'd been in college, so her parents especially had known about her. Then she'd become someone who was occasionally in their presence, as she met and become closer to Joseph Friar, until she finally became his wife and was welcomed into the family for all its years to come. It had been so easy for this to extend to Maya's family. She had already known so much about them, from all the time that her student and assistant had said about them, and really that was just the way that Patty was with people. She was eternally welcoming, always happy to share the knowledge that she had gained… They had some idea of what it would be like to lose someone like her, so to be told about Joseph's fast decline, it was no wonder to them. Of course, he would be broken down to pieces. They would do what they could to put him back together, even if they knew there would only be so much for them to do. The cracks were too deep, they couldn't disappear completely. Maybe there'd be no binding them back together ever again. But for his sake, for Patty's sake, they had to try.

An opportunity presented itself, not even entirely on purpose, to try and get him out of the house for a while. Before she'd passed, one of the things Patty had been doing was to help two of Maya's sisters with their business plans. Eliza and Emma had long dreamed of opening a store together, since way back in high school, and then through college in Austin… It would all be in service of their lifelong love of fashion, and they'd had a thought - a correct one at that, suggesting that Patty Robinson would have a lot to say on the subject of fashion history, the artistry involved… She had helped them track down several things that would get them started in the right direction, and they were finally ready to be picked up and sorted through… When Maya mentioned to Thomas that her sisters were going to be bringing all of these out to the work space that Lucas had set aside for their use until they actually had a more permanent location, there had been an instant change in Pappy Joe's posture. He was listening, and he knew what they were talking about. When he moved to stand, it was as good as telling them he would be coming along. So, they went.

They made their way to the ranch upon hearing that the pick-up had already been done and they were now on their way with their packages. As surprised as Eliza and Emma were to find Pappy Joe there, they didn't take long to understand what had brought him here. They saw the way he looked at the packages stacked across their work table and they thought of their late benefactor. They could not have gotten any of these things without Patty, they knew it, and while they continued to mourn her, they knew he did, too, more than any of them could, so he wanted to be there, because she couldn't be. They swept in and brought him over to see what they had, and he sat there, listening, observing, touching the fabric… When they started to sort out everything to store it away, he got up again and started to help them. And without any of them having planned it or said it out loud, Pappy Joe would return here, in following days and weeks, and he would help the sisters, in whatever task they needed him for.

Lucas would get to tell Maya some of what he'd seen the three of them do over the next several days, and it would make her smile so much each time. It almost made Lucas want to cry, in the best way possible. It was only a start, and they didn't know where it would lead yet, but they would focus on the part where they finally had a bit of hope on their side. The one thing that would either make or break it in the next little while would be the holidays. Patty had loved Christmas, and she had been the Mrs. Claus to Pappy Joe's Santa… What would it be like for him now, to have all these reminders without her next to him? They wanted to think that the good memories would outweigh the sad new reality, but there was really no way of knowing, not until they got there.

Marianne had wanted to play the Christmas elf this year, but she had the same concerns as her parents. She went to them, asked if she should do it still or not, because of Pappy Joe. They told her the only thing they could tell her. They would leave it up to her to decide, and whatever she decided, they would back her up.

TO BE CONTINUED

See you tomorrow! - mooners