A/N: This continues after the ending of the last episode of SVU that aired on 2-7-19. There will be a second part to this. I don't own any of the characters.

Mixed Emotions

Olivia was glad that Noah was sleeping over at a friend's. She had had the day from hell after what had happened before and during court. Her memories of what had happened with William Lewis were resurfacing and she really didn't want to go talk to Dr. Lindstrom but she had been able to get in to see him after work. She knew she'd never be able to get Lewis out of her head. After she had left Dr. Lindstrom's office, she called Hank and talked his ear off. She hated that they were in different cities but he was always there when she needed him and he already knew about her ordeal. Even before they got into a romantic relationship, she confided in him a lot. She had just sat down with a glass of wine and was about to find a movie when there was a knock at the door. She got up and went to see who it was.

"Hank."

"Hey."

"It hasn't been that long since I talked to you."

"I know. I was already at the airport when you called. I wanted to surprise you."

"Thank you for being here. It's been a hell of a day."

"I believe it."

"Come on in."

"Thanks."

Hank walked in, kissed Olivia, put his suitcase down, took his jacket and boots off and then he went to sit on the sofa, while Olivia got him a beer.

"Here, Honey."

"Thanks, Babe."

Olivia sat down next to Hank and he put his arm around her.

"I was thinking on the flight out here that maybe you need to tell Peter what happened with you, so maybe he'll have a better understanding of your feelings in all this."

"I was kind of thinking that too."

There was another knock at the door, so Olivia got up and went to answer it.

"Hey, Peter."

"Hey. Can I come in?"

"Sure."

Peter came in.

"Hey, Hank."

"Hey, Peter."

Peter sat down in the chair and Olivia sat down next to Hank once again. He put his arm back around her.

"I wanted to apologize for what I said to you in court today. It was uncalled for."

"It's ok. I think you need to hear something and maybe this will help you to understand my feelings about a lot."

"Ok."

Olivia ended up telling Peter everything about what happened with William Lewis.

"Oh, wow! I am really sorry to hear that. That does explain a lot."

"The thing is, when I beat the crap out of him, I thought I killed him and I didn't feel any remorse when I did it. I could have lost everything that I had worked for. When I was being investigated for abusing Noah, no thanks to Brian Cassidy, the person I spoke with during the evaluation brought Lewis up but said maybe I fought so hard to survive because of Noah even though he wasn't in my life yet. I think maybe it was because of Hank too. When Hank and I first met in 2014, we didn't start out on the right foot after I was a witness to his interrogation methods, so I threatened to arrest him. By the time the case got to Chicago, I'm not sure how it happened but we respected each other a lot more. He and I went to Molly's after the case and we became friends. We worked together again on the Yates' case and then when he and Rudnick escaped from prison."

"When did you actually start seeing each other?"

"A couple years ago. Right around the time Yates and Rudnick escaped from prison, I had started seeing Ed Tucker. How that happened, I have no idea. Hank was still in my life and we had gotten close a few times after Yates' trial. Hank knew I had doubts about my relationship with Ed. I was afraid to admit to Hank that he was the one I was in love with. Ed knew I had feelings for Hank and they have actually become friends. I went to Chicago for Justin's funeral and Ed wanted to come with me. Ed knew Hank and I talked all the time. I honestly never expected them to get along as well as they did."

"It really surprised me that he came out with you for Al's funeral."

"It did me too."

"How are things going since Olinsky died?"

"Some days are better than others. Did Olivia tell you that Jay and Will Halstead lost their dad?"

"Yes. I talked to Antonio recently. He's had some issues he's had to deal with."

"He's handling things pretty well considering."

"That's good. I completely get the some days are better than others thing. Losing my dad and sister so close to each other really didn't help matters for me."

"That's how Meredith feels. She lost Al not too long after losing Lexi. She still blames me for what happened and that's her choice. Trudy got her to reconsider allowing me to come to the funeral but she hasn't spoken to me."

"Erin blames herself for what happened to Al."

"Yeah, I know she does."

"Do you think that happened to Al is your fault?"

"I know it's my fault."

"All this is because of what happened with Kevin Bingham?"

"Yep because I reopened that case that Denny had messed up the investigation. This was his revenge on me. He even tried to bring Olivia into it as well but I told him to keep her out of it. She's known all along though."

"You talked to Ed about it too, right?"

"Yeah, I did. I just don't want something to happen to you or Noah because of Woods."

"He's in prison though, right?"

"Yeah but he could still be having someone follow me. He won't give up until I go down for Bingham's murder. Assistant State's Attorney Osha assured me that Denny would be in prison for a long time and they are closely monitoring his visitors and phone calls."

"Does Osha know everything?"

"Yeah. He said if we could get Denny, they'd make me a deal. I should have listened to Erin in the first place."

"Honey, it's all over now."

"A part of me keeps thinking it's not. I'd never be able to forgive myself if something happened to either of you."

"I've been extra cautious with Noah after what happened with Sheila. Not too long ago he asked about his father. He said he knows he's in heaven. How am I supposed to explain to him that his father was not a good person? Sheila told him about Ellie. I really wanted to be the one to tell him about her but things don't always work out the way we want them to."

"That's for sure. Would it be ok for me to take Noah to the indoor batting cages sometime?"

"Of course it's ok. He really has a great time when you teach him about baseball."

"I think Justin would have liked him. Justin loved baseball too."

"I should go. Thank you for telling me about what you have been through. Now I understand where you were coming from with this case."

"That whole case opened old wounds for me though."

"I understand. Prosecuting someone for killing or trying to kill someone is a lot easier for me than some of these rape cases are. I'm so used to Intelligence cases and how they deal with things. How have you dealt with it for all these years?"

"Intelligence definitely handles things differently. Whenever we have worked with them in the past, I usually have to tell a certain Sergeant to play it by the book."

"I've been better."

"Have you?"

"Now you're being a smart ass."

"Thanks. I love you too. To answer your question, by being patient with the victim or victims, understanding what they have gone through, believing them whether we think they're telling the truth or not, letting them know that they matter and them deserving to get justice for what happened to them. It's never easy. Maybe we didn't start out on the right foot but you are still learning this job."

"It's been a year. I should be starting to get used to this by now."

"In time, you'll be ok. You're a great ADA."

"Thanks. You're not so bad yourself, Lieutenant."

"Thank you."

"Have a good night, you two."

"You too, Peter."

Peter got up, got his coat and left. Olivia started kissing Hank. They got up, Olivia made sure the door was locked and then they headed toward the bedroom. They undressed each other, got on the bed and made love. Afterwards Hank had his arms wrapped around her and she had her head on his chest.

"I really needed this."

"I did too."

"I love you."

"I love you too. Can you come to Chicago for Valentine's Day?"

"I think something can be arranged. I'll see if I can get Lucy or Ed to stay with Noah."

"Good."

They kissed each other and then they fell asleep in each other's arms. The next morning after breakfast, they picked up Noah together and spent time together as a family. When Hank had had a few minutes alone with Noah, he told him that he wanted to ask Olivia to marry him and had planned to ask her for Valentine's Day. Noah told him he was so excited. Olivia had gotten called into work, so Hank had called Ed and told him his plan. He said he'd help out in any way he could. Hank told him that she was going to check with either him or Lucy to stay with Noah. Ed told him he'd be fine with staying with him. Noah said he was fine with either one. By the time Hank, went back to Chicago, he told Olivia that he would see her in a few days and to bring a nice dress. Hank and Noah shared a look before he left for the airport.

To be continued…

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