A/N: This a continuation of The Longest Night of Rain, which aired on 1-30-20 and it contains spoilers. I don't own any of the characters.

Aftermath of The Longest Night of Rain

Olivia regretted the way she had treated Ed when they had broken up 3 years ago but if they hadn't broken up, she wouldn't have been with Hank. She and Hank had gotten married 6 months ago. He had retired and moved to New York to be with her and Noah.

Olivia felt numb. She stared out the window and looked at the picture of her and Ed from Paris that she kept in her desk. They really hadn't kept in touch but he still had thought to invite her to his retirement party. Now he was gone. She never would have expected Ed Tucker of all people to take his own life. Was it because he was feeling guilty because of the case or was it because of his illness? 6 months to a year wasn't enough time and he was newly married as well. Olivia couldn't even imagine what Patty was going though right now. Hank had gone to Chicago to help out with an old case and all she needed and wanted right now was her husband. She heard a knock at her office door.

"Come on in."

Fin and Amanda both walked in.

"How you doin'?"

"I don't even know. It's hard to even comprehend what happened. All I want right now is Hank but he didn't know when he was coming home."

"You gotta tell Noah."

"I know I do. I'm just trying to figure all this out. I don't know if it had anything to do with the guilt he was feeling over the case or because of his illness. I'm guessing it was more his illness than anything else."

"Illness?"

"He had brain cancer. Just before we started seeing each other, they found it in his lungs and of course he never told me. It's in his brain now. They gave him 6 months to a year."

"Oh, man!"

"Damn! How'd that happen?"

"He said he was detailed to the Fresh Kills Landfill trying to recover anything he could after 9/11. He didn't want his wife to know."

"I know you cared for the guy, Liv but let me ask you this. Are you having second thoughts about you and Voight?"

"Not at all. I was confused about my feelings for both of them for a while. Hank and I at first had a friends with benefits, no strings attached relationship. The first time we slept together was during the stuff with Yates. Somewhere in there too, I started seeing Ed as more of a human being. When we started getting along better, around the time of Noah's adoption, I told him about Hank being in my life but neither of us wanted anything serious at that point. When we were in Chicago after Yates escaped, Hank wanted me to stay with him and I told him I couldn't because I had just started seeing someone. He was fine with that. When I was heading to Chicago for Justin's funeral, Ed wanted to come with me. I felt that I needed to be there for Hank and Erin but I had actually talked to Justin a few times. Ed went to Chicago with me because he wanted to meet Hank and surprisingly, it went well. Hank basically told him that I was a special lady but he hoped Ed and I would be happy together. He shook Ed's hand and he told me we would always be friends. Erin was right there when he said it and when I talked to her about it later, she said he seemed like he meant it. We came back here and then we went to Paris. We had a great time and things were going great. Since Justin's funeral, I hadn't heard from Hank at all. It hurt because he told me we would always be friends. Erin and I talked and she told me that he killed the guy that killed Justin, which I really wasn't too surprised about."

"You got upset that you never heard from Voight after that?"

"Yeah. I'd call him and leave messages but he never returned my phone calls. I'd text him and he'd never text me back. I would also send him emails, which he never responded to. I finally called him again and basically said that he told me we would always be friends but he wasn't acting like a friend. If he didn't want to be my friend, fine. He called me back and told me he was giving me the space he thought I needed to give my relationship with Ed a chance. He also said that he had fallen in love with me, which he had planned to tell me that night when he invited me to stay with him. I was kind of shocked about that. I was trying to be more open with Ed, so after I had talked to Hank, I called Ed to have him come over. Noah was already in bed. I told him that I had finally talked to Hank and I said that he told me that he was giving the space he thought I needed to give our relationship a chance. I told him that Hank also told me he had fallen in love with me and had planned to tell me that night but I told him about us instead."

"What did Tucker say?"

"He wasn't surprised."

"He wasn't?"

"Nope. He said he could tell that Hank was in love with me when he met him."

"Was he pissed?"

"No but he did ask me how I felt about Hank. I said I cared for Hank but I really didn't know how I felt about him at that point. He then asked me how I felt about him and I gave him the same answer I gave him about Hank. That was not too long before Christmas. After the first of the year, he told that he was thinking about retiring and wanted me to think about it too. When I told him that I needed to focus on Noah, we split and I hadn't heard from him until recently. 6 months after we split, I went to Chicago and told Hank I loved him too. He's the one that kept me sane when Sheila came into the picture and then kidnapped Noah."

"And you're the one that kept him sane after all the crap with that Woods guy and with what happened to Olinsky."

"Exactly. I knew what was going through Hank's head that night after Al died. He had gotten so drunk and I hated seeing him like that. I was also afraid of what he was going to do, which is why I didn't want him to be alone. When he was more with it, I asked him if he had ever thought about taking his own life and he said no. He hadn't when Camille died or when Justin died and he hadn't when Al died either."

"What about you?"

"No but don't forget, that's almost what happened that last time with Lewis. I have that little boy at home that I would love to see grow up and now I have an amazing husband. Are you two ok?"

"I'm havin' a hard time with this. I just never would have expected Tucker of all people to take his own life. I didn't even like the guy."

"The last thing he said to me was 'we'll always have Paris', which is true. That trip was so special to me. How about you, Amanda?"

"I'm kind of havin' a hard time with this one too. As much as I didn't like him either, he didn't deserve that. No one does. You feelin' any better?"

"A little. I'd be a lot better if Hank was here. I haven't seen him in almost a week and I just need to feel his arms around me."

"Does he know you were goin' to the retirement party?"

"Oh yeah. He knows everything except for this latest thing."

Then Hank was standing in the doorway.

"Lucy said you were still here. Are you planning to come home?"

Olivia had tears running down her cheeks as she got up and ran straight to Hank. She threw her arms around him and he wrapped his arms around her as she started sobbing again. He kissed her forehead. Then she and Hank sat down on the sofa.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"Ed killed himself."

"He did what?"

"He used his .38 and ended his life. He left his wife a letter, his benefits and his pension. I'm not dealing with this very well."

"That's understandable. He was a part of your life for a while and you loved him. I get. If anyone understands what it's like to lose someone from that awful disease, I do. I got a text message that kind of scared the shit out of me."

"What?"

"I didn't recognize the number but all it said was 'take care of Liv and Noah'."

"Can I see it?"

"Sure."

Hank got out his phone and went into his messages before giving it to Olivia.

"Oh my God!"

"What?"

"This is from Ed."

"He knew about us then?"

"Yes. We were talking at his party and I was holding my wine glass in my left hand. I took a drink and he noticed my wedding ring. He asked if it was you and I said it was. He asked how long and I told him 6 months. He figured it would have been a lot sooner. I said I waited 6 months after we had broken up before you and I had gotten together for good. I said we had a lot we needed to deal with before we got married, like who was relocating and when you finally decided it was going to be you, you wanted to give CPD plenty of notice before you retired."

"How much have you told Noah?"

"He knows Ed was sick. I told him that and explained to him what cancer is again, since we explained it to him when he asked how Camille died. He then asked me if he could talk to Ed, so I called him and asked him if he was up to talking to Noah. He said he was, so I put my phone on speaker and they talked for a little bit. Ed told him that they would have dinner soon."

"That was good. Are you going to be ok?"

"It may take a while."

"I get it. I just don't want to have to worry about you because I am not prepared to lose you."

"As long as I have you, Noah, Olive, Daniel, Erin and my squad to help me get through this, I think I'll be ok."

"You got us, Liv."

"You'll always have me."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"Now I get to explain suicide to him."

"We'll do it together. He was still up when I stopped at home."

"Fin, can you handle things?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Thanks."

"Sure."

Olivia kissed Hank, hugged Fin and Amanda, got her stuff and then she and Hank left hand in hand. Amanda and Fin left as well. When Hank and Olivia arrived at home, they went in.

"Hey, Lucy."

"Hey. You ok?"

"Actually, no, I'm not. I found out today that Ed took his own life."

"Oh my gosh! Liv, I am so sorry to hear that."

"Thank you and he appreciated all the prayers. I just need to explain it to Noah."

"That won't be easy."

"No, it won't. Is he still up?"

"He is. I think he missed his daddy too."

"So did Mommy."

"I missed you both too."

"I told Fin I was taking the rest of the week off."

"Ok. Call if you need me for any reason."

"We will. Thanks."

Lucy hugged Olivia and then she headed home. Hank and Olivia went upstairs, so she could lock up her gun and then they went to Noah's room. Olivia had never had to have a conversation like this with Noah. His door was half open and half closed but his light was still on.

"Can we come in?"

"Sure."

Olivia opened the door and then she and Hank came in.

"Hi Dad."

"Hey, Bud."

"Are you back?"

"I am."

"I'm glad. I missed you."

"I missed you too."

"We need to talk to you about something serious."

"Uh oh! One of those talks. Are you and Dad getting a divorce?"

"No, Sweetie, of course not. Daddy and I love each other very much. Have you heard of the word suicide before?"

"Not exactly. It's not good though, is it?"

"No, it's not. Suicide is when someone decides to end their life."

"Who would do that?"

"Sweetie, Ed did?"

"Why?"

"Because he didn't want his family and friends see him suffer from his disease any longer."

"I just talked to him and he told me we would go for dinner soon."

"I know he did. Let me tell you the last thing he said to me. He said 'we'll always have Paris'. Just remember that, ok?"

"Ok."

"It's ok to be sad and it's ok to be mad at him."

Noah moved into Olivia's arms and then he broke down, which got her started again. Hank wrapped his arms around both of them.

"Mom."

"Yeah."

"Can I sleep with you and Dad tonight?"

"I think that would be ok. What do you think, Daddy?

"That's fine."

Noah grabbed Eddie and then they all went into Hank and Olivia's bedroom. Both Hank and Olivia got ready for bed, while Noah got in the middle of the bed. Hank was ready before Olivia, so he got into bed with Noah after he plugged his phone in. Olivia came out of the bathroom, plugged her phone in and joined her boys. Olivia stretched over Noah to kiss Hank and then Noah curled up in Olivia's arms.

Olivia had had a hard time falling asleep. She kept playing the last conversation she had with Ed and the call she had gotten about his suicide in her mind and then she'd get upset again. The last several days had been difficult to say the least but she knew the worst was yet to come. She ended up crying herself to sleep.

The next morning, they had gotten up and Noah wasn't sure he wanted to go to school. Olivia convinced him that he should try to go and if he couldn't get through the day, one of them would come get him. He agreed and once he was ready to go, she took him. She spoke with his teacher and the Principal and told them what had happened. They were very supportive of the situation. She told them if he wanted to come home, to call her or her husband and one of them would come get him. She went back home and Hank was doing the laundry. She went up to the bedroom and got on her stomach on the bed. Hank had come in and saw her on the bed. He rubbed her back.

"You ok?"

"I didn't sleep that well last night. I kept playing the last conversation I had had with Ed and the one I had gotten about his suicide in my mind. I think I'm going to reach out to Patty and see if there's anything I can do."

"If that's what you want."

Olivia called Patty and asked if she had a few minutes to meet for coffee or something. She agreed and they decided to meet at the same place she had met Ed when he first told her about his illness. Hank decided to go with her for support, which she was grateful for. They left home and headed to Queens to the Coffee Shop. They found a place to park and walked over hand in hand. Patty was already there.

"Patty."

"Hi Olivia. Thank you for calling and for meeting me."

"You're welcome. I am so sorry about Ed."

"Thanks. You knew, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did. This is my husband, Hank Voight. Hank, this is Patty Tucker."

"Nice to meet you and I'm sorry for your loss."

"Thank you and it's nice to meet you too. You have a little boy, right?"

"Yes. His name is Noah and he's 7. He's not dealing with the news very well. I got him to go to school and told him if he wanted to come home, one of us would come pick him up. He had just talked to Ed the other night and Ed told him they would have dinner soon."

"He really loved you both, you know."

"Yeah, I know. I also think I loved him more than I was willing to admit. He had thought about retiring 3 years ago and wanted me to consider it too. I told him I needed to focus on Noah and a part of it was because I was also fighting my real feelings for Hank. A part of me wants to blame myself for what happened."

"Please don't. He wouldn't want you to blame yourself. I just wish he had told me about his cancer."

"How are the boys handling it?"

"They are trying to be as supportive as they can but they're teenagers."

"I told Ed at the party that I wasn't looking forward to that with Noah. Thankfully Hank has dealt with teenage boys before."

"How many children do you have?"

"I had one but he died. It'll be 4 years. Justin was a pain in the ass when he was a teenager."

"My boys can be too. They seemed to tolerate Ed but they weren't as close as I was hoping they would be."

"Is their father still in the picture?"

"No. He was never really interested in being a father to them. He left when they were pretty young, so for the longest time, it was just us. I met Ed not even a year ago. It was a spur of the moment decision to get married and now I'm back to square one again. I just don't understand why he never told me."

"I think he was wrong for not telling you."

"Babe, I'm going to go get us some coffee."

"Ok. Thanks, Honey."

"Patty, do you want anything?"

"I'm fine. Thank you."

Hank went to get coffee for himself and Olivia.

"How long have the two of you been married?"

"6 months. We officially got together 6 months after Ed and I broke up and it was long distance up until we got married."

"Did you have a big wedding?"

"Yes and no. We got married in Chicago on a lake cruise with both squads and our family and friends. I thought about sending Ed an invitation but I wasn't sure I should."

"When was it?"

"July 6th."

"We were actually gone that weekend. We went to Ireland."

"Ok. Is there anything you need help with?"

"I have to set stuff up with the funeral home this afternoon but I will definitely let you know when I know. This is all so overwhelming."

"I'm sure it is. Like I said, if you need anything, please don't hesitate to call me."

"Thank you. I appreciate that."

Then Hank came back.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

"You and Ed knew each other a long time?"

"Over 15 years but we never saw eye to eye on anything. I think it was more or less after I took over SVU that we started getting along a lot better. He charged me with a murder I didn't commit and after I had been held and tortured by one of our perps for 4 days and then forced to play Russian roulette with him in an abandoned granary, I was investigated for killing him. We started getting along a lot better around the time I adopted my son."

"That was William Lewis, right?"

"Yes."

"I remember hearing about that."

"That still goes through my head sometimes but that is what he wanted."

"I'm the one that found Ed, so that will be in my head for a while. They boys were home but they said they didn't hear anything. I had just gotten home from my shift and Ed was in his den when I got there. I thought he had just fallen asleep in the chair but then I saw blood and his gun in his hand."

Both Patty and Olivia had tears running down their cheeks. Olivia's phone rang, so she calmed herself down before she answered it. It was the school. After she was done talking, she hung up.

"Noah is having a bad day. We need to go get him."

"Ok. If you want to stay here, I can go get him and come back to get you in a little while."

"Are you sure?"

"She probably doesn't need to be alone right now."

"Thank you."

Hank got up, put his coat on and kissed Olivia before he left to pick up Noah at school. Olivia stayed and talked with Patty until Hank and Noah came back. Noah met Patty and then they headed home, while Patty headed to the funeral home. Once she had made the arrangements, she texted Olivia to let her know and Olivia told her that she would let the NYPD know. She also contacted her squad herself. The next several days were doing to be difficult but Hank was by Olivia's side the entire time they stayed and they both watched to see how Noah was handling himself. Noah wanted to be able to say goodbye to Ed but they didn't know how long he'd want to stay there. Lucy came by and offered to take him home but he said he was ok. Surprisingly, he stayed as long as Hank and Olivia did. On the day of the funeral, Olivia had to wear her uniform and stand with the rest of her brothers and sisters in blue. This wasn't just another cop to her. This was someone that had been a big part of her life romantically, even if it was for only a year. Even though she was now happily married to and completely in love with Hank, a part of Olivia would always love Ed Tucker. She was glad Hank understood that.

Reviews and suggestions are appreciated.