A/N: This is more of a Rollisi chapter. This has to do with the stuff with Rollins in the last episode, which aired on 2-13-20. I don't own any of the characters except my own.

Tell Her How You Really Feel

It had been a long day for Olivia and her team and she was ready to call it a day and head home to her boys. Amanda had already gone home to the girls and Fin and Kat had already gone as well. Olivia packed up her stuff, texted Hank and told him she was on her way and was heading out. On the way out, Carisi was heading in.

"Counsellor."

"Hey. You got a minute?"

"Is this about the case?"

"No. This is kind of personal."

"Have you eaten?"

"No."

"Come on over. Hank has dinner waiting for me."

"Ok. Thanks."

Olivia got in her SUV and Carisi got into his car and they headed to Olivia and Hank's townhouse. When they arrived, they parked and went in.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"I brought Carisi with me."

"No problem."

Hank kissed Olivia and then he went to get another place setting out. Olivia and Carisi took their coats off. Olivia then went upstairs to remove her gun and lock it up, while Carisi sat in the living room. Olivia checked on Noah, came back downstairs and joined Carisi in the living room.

"What's going on?"

"Rollins is making me crazy."

"Now why?"

"Liv, I have had feelings for her for a while now and seeing her with Sergeant Khaldun made me jealous. She's been sending me mixed signals. She wanted me there when Billie was born and didn't want me to leave when Al got there. She asked me to be her godfather but she got all upset when I left SVU and went to the DA's office because I'm not by her side all the time anymore, yet after everything that happened with Bucci, she broke down in my arms in the elevator."

"Does she have any idea how you feel about her?"

"No. I mean, my feelings for her go back at least to when she and I went to West Virginia when we almost kissed. I don't want her to start dating Sergeant Khaldun and then I'm left wondering what could have been."

"You need to tell her how you really feel about her. If anyone understands what you're going through, I do. I did the same thing with Hank. I dated Tucker but always wondered what could have been with Hank. My feelings for Hank started back to the first time we had worked together but I wasn't sure because of the distance. We got close a few times but then I started seeing Ed. Hank seemed fine with it but I know he was hurt by it. After Ed and I ended things and I got with Hank for good, the two of them had become friends and he was there to celebrate with us when we got married, so Ed's death had an impact on Hank too. Hank understood what he was going through because Camille, his first wife, died from cancer."

Hank joined them and sat next to Olivia. Then he kissed her.

"Dinner ready?"

"No. I put it in the oven. It shouldn't be that much longer."

"Ok."

"The thing I'm afraid of is her basically laughing it off and saying she only wants to be friends, which I have a feeling she will."

"You still need to put your feelings out there. It's better that she knows than have her not know at all. I've seen the way you look at her, so I've kind of suspected that you may feel something more than friends and co-workers for her for a while. There were actually a lot of people that assumed I was more than friends and co-workers with Elliot, my first partner in SVU. He was married and had a family. I respected that and I never would have crossed the line with him. My biggest problem is that I have a habit of not disclosing my relationships. I didn't with David Haden, I didn't with Brian Cassidy and as you know, I didn't with Ed. The only relationship that didn't cause a problem for my job was Hank. I'm ok with it if something were to happen between you and Rollins but Chief Garland may not be and Ms. Hadid may not be either. Sergeant Khaldun is extremely charming but I think she can do better."

"She made the comment recently that she never dates good guys, so then me telling her how I really feel will basically fall on deaf ears."

"You don't know that. Maybe she's waiting for you to make the first move. Honestly, I can see you being more of a father figure to the girls and Jesse already loves you."

"I really love the girls like they were my own."

Hank went to check on dinner and then he went to tell Olivia and Carisi that it was ready. They talked as they ate. After dinner, Carisi had decided that he wanted to go talk to Amanda.

"Thanks for the talk, Liv."

"No problem. Good luck."

"Yeah, thanks. Thanks for dinner."

"You're welcome."

Carisi put his coat on and headed over to Amanda's while Hank and Olivia cleaned up and went up to bed to watch TV for a while. When Carisi arrived at Amanda's he parked his car and went up. He knocked on the door and Amanda opened it.

"Hey."

"Hey. Can we talk?"

"Yeah, sure. Come on in."

Carisi came in and took his coat off.

"Can I get you anything?"

"No thanks. I'm sorry I'm comin' by so late."

"Don't worry about it. What's goin' on?"

"This is going to be harder than I thought."

"What is?"

"I have feelings for you, Amanda and have for a while now. I'm not talkin' between friends/co-workers either. When I saw you workin' so closely with Sergeant Khaldun, I got jealous. I want you to look at me like that. I was jealous and hurt when I saw you with that bartender in West Virginia, even after we almost kissed. I know you said you don't date good guys."

"I tend to date jerks, yes."

"Are you datin' Khaldun now?"

"What? No. Why would I do that?"

"I don't know."

"The thing is, I've been confused about my feelings for you for a while now. I told Hasim and he said I needed to make you jealous. I guess I got a little pissed when you left SVU and went to the DA's office because I loved having you there all the time and lookin' out for me but I'm glad you were the one there for me after what happened with Bucci."

"You don't know how scared I was when you were missing. I was going crazy."

"So, where do we go from here?"

"I don't know."

"If we try to be in a relationship, are we goin' to disclose?"

"Liv already knows. I talked to her already. She's ok with it if we get involved but Chief Garland may not be and Ms. Hadid may not be either."

"Why does Liv know?"

"Because I wanted to get advice from her. I respect her as a superior and as a friend. She invited me over for dinner."

"That was nice. Maybe we could try to take things slowly. Being with a good guy is new to me and I don't want to mess this up. Having you as a friend means more to me than anything else. I don't want this relationship to fail and then have it mess up our friendship."

"We can take things slowly. Can I come over and cook for you and the girls?"

"You don't even have to ask. You can do that anytime."

"Good. Can I kiss you?"

"I think that would be ok."

They leaned toward each other and kissed. Carisi then got up, put his coat on and headed home to go to bed. Amanda checked on the girls and Frannie, who was sleeping at the foot of Jesse's bed and then went to bed herself. Neither one of them could stop thinking about the conversation they had and the kiss. They both hoped this would eventually work out.

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