Chapter 18: The Truth
Author's Note: The Waves are a fictitious team but if I was to put them in a league, the ECHL would make the most sense. Even though it would negate the comment 'going up against kids half my age' because technically, Bombay wouldn't be able to play against a bunch of 15-year-olds.
"Why do I have your last name?" Charlie asked his mother.
Charlie Conway was struggling with his homework. He was a good student and normally got straight As. Or at least a B plus. But with the state pee-wee hockey finals the following day, Charlie was struggling to sit still.
Casey looked up from the dishes. It was an odd question for Charlie to ask. "Because you are my son. Why? Don't you like your last name?"
"It's fine," Charlie said. "I was just wondering why I don't have my Dad's name. Connie was saying in class that her mom was changing her name back to Stevens now that she's divorced and was wondering if she'd have to change her name back too. "
"I don't think so," Casey said. "But I'm not sure. I'm not a divorce lawyer. "
"Connie asked me about it. I told her I think it's because you and Dad never got married. But then she pointed out that Peter has his Dad's last name and his parents are not married so I don't know," Charlie said putting his pencil down. "Why does geometry have to be so confusing?"
Casey put down the dishcloth and looked at Charlie's homework. "It would be a lot less confusing if you spaced out your work rather than squishing it all together like that."
Charlie pulled out another piece of paper from his binder. "It still doesn't make sense to me," Charlie admitted.
"Which problem?" Casey asked. Casey took a look at his homework. "The last one you did looks correct to me."
"Not that. Why I don't have my Dad's name," Charlie explained.
"Oh." Casey thought for a moment. "We weren't married so you took mine."
"Yeah, but Peter has his Dad's name and his parents still aren't married," Charlie pointed out.
Casey chewed on her lower lip when she didn't have an answer and Charlie knew this.
"Mom, what aren't you telling me?" Charlie pressed.
"Finish your homework," Casey said. "You know the rules."
"No hockey if homework isn't done," Charlie grumbled.
"That's the rule," Casey said. "You'll thank me when your older."
"I wish I was as good at hockey as Coach. Or Adam. Then I could play hockey when I'm older," Charlie grumbled. "I still can't believe Coach is going to try out with the Waves."
Casey smiled inwardly. She remembered the last time Gordon was over and Charlie walked in on their conversation asking what they needed to figure out. Luckily Bombay was able to think quickly and told Charlie that he needed to figure out what he needed to do to join the Waves. Charlie hung on his every word and didn't question it.
"Gordon was a lawyer," Casey reminded him. "He would have gone to college for years to become one."
Charlie's eyes lit up. "I know!" He exclaimed. "I'll have Connie ask Coach. He'll know for sure if she'll have to change her last name or not."
Casey shook her head. She didn't want to have this conversation with Charlie. But she felt she had to before Charlie got too attached to Bombay. She hated seeing her boy hurt.
"Charlie, listen, honey," Casey said soothingly. "Gordon won't always be around."
"I know that." Charlie wrinkled his nose. " Most of the teams are out east but he'll have home games too. We'll have to go to his first home game. Please, Mom. I'll get a part-time job somewhere. I know Hans is looking for someone to help with the shop."
"I don't know about that," Casey said. She had met Hans at one of the games. He seemed like a nice old man. He introduced himself as an old friend of Gordon's father. "You're only ten."
"I'm almost eleven," Charlie insisted. "I'll keep up with school work. I promise."
It wasn't that. Casey sighed. "I mean, Bombay won't always be in your life Charlie," Casey explained. "Gordon is a nice man but.."
"Grammy seemed to think so too," Charlie smirked.
"Stop it, Charlie. Nothing is going on between me and Gordon," Casey insisted.
Despite their date that wasn't really a first date, she had not spoken to Bombay in the past three weeks. She had seen Bombay at the games of course and when she picked up Charlie from practice but no words were exchanged between the two of them.
Instead, every once in a while their eyes would meet and she could feel the tension between them. Not like the tension between them when they first met. This was different. It would last a few seconds until one of the kids would come up to him and he would then turn his attention to them.
"Why not?" Charlie asked. "I know he likes you."
Casey rolled her eyes. "And how exactly do you know that?" she asked.
"He told me himself," Charlie proclaimed.
Casey raised an eyebrow. Her son wasn't a liar but he did on occasion let his imagination run away sometimes. "Oh did he? What did he tell you?"
"That he finds you attractive," Charlie said. "And stuff."
Casey shook her head. She wasn't sure what to believe. She doubted that Gordon, a grown man, would tell a ten-year-old Charlie how he felt about his own mother . "And stuff?" Casey asked.
"I pointed out that a lot of guys find you attractive and he said that he's noticed that too. Then he asked me what kind of guys you date," Charlie smiled. "I'm serious. He likes you."
Casey closed her eyes and exhaled. This wasn't going to be easy but her son was getting way too close to Bombay. "Just try to remember that he won't be around forever," Casey said. "Remember Mr. Kroplin?"
Mr. Kroplin was a teacher at Charlie's school when he was in the first grade. Mr. Kroplin's brother once coached hockey for Eden Hall Academy. He was convinced that losing that job is what killed his brother in the end. He loved hockey more than anything but the board cared more about winning so he was replaced by the up-and-coming Coach Wilson whose only concern was winning at any cost. Every time he would see the hockey equipment in his garage, it would only serve as a reminder of how horribly the board treated his brother after all the years he coached there so he gave it all away to his students.
To him, it was a painful reminder of a lost family member but to the students of district five, it was like someone gave them the moon. Even though the equipment was old, too big, and often in taters, it was something. Something when they had absolutely nothing.
Touched by how this small gesture meant so much to these kids, he arranged to have the basketball court flooded in the winter so they could practise skating during recess. For some of the kids, this was the first time that someone who wasn't a family member showed them any kindness.
Charlie was one of those kids. Casey saw how sad Charlie was when Mr. Kroplin retired the following year. He wouldn't leave his room for a week. Casey cringed at the thought of Bombay leaving. Although Charlie was older now, he was even closer to Bombay then he ever was to Mr. Kroplin.
"This is different," Charlie insisted."It's Coach."
"I wouldn't be so sure," Casey said.
"Besides," Charlie said deflecting. "You still never answered my question."
"Which is?" Casey asked forgetting the original question.
"Why I don't have Dad's last name? It doesn't make sense. I don't remember him but why didn't he want me to have his last name?" Charlie asked.
Casey exhaled. She had hoped to avoid this conversation until Charlie was older but once Charlie got something in his head, he was often very stubborn. Casey knew Charlie wouldn't let this go until she told him the truth. When he was younger, she told Charlie that she left him and that he wouldn't remember and left it at that. She had finished drying the dishes and sat down on the couch.
"Come here," Casey said patting the seat beside her.
Charlie closed his textbook and sat down beside her. Casey touched his face gently and smiled wistfully. "You look more like him every day," Casey told him. "Except that nose. That nose is one hundred percent Conway."
"You're scaring me, Mom," Charlie said.
Casey took her son's hand. Try as she might, the words were not coming. Casey had played this conversation with Charlie in her head a hundred times and words still did not come. Finally, she was able to utter the words " I'm sorry."
Charlie was confused. "For what?" He could not remember anything his mother did wrong.
"For lying to you," Casey confessed. "I didn't want to but it felt like the right thing at the time."
Charlie was speechless. His mother never lied. Ever. He didn't know what to say.
Casey squeezed Charlie's hand. "We never left your father."
"What?" Charlie was astounded. "What do you mean? We never left him. Where is he?"
"I don't know," Casey admitted. "Omaha maybe?"
"Omaha!" Charlie exclaimed. He didn't know what to think. His Dad lived in Omaha!
"Maybe," Casey said. "I haven't seen him in over a decade but I know his parents lived there."
"What do you mean haven't seen him in over a decade? I'm ten. I'll be eleven in July."
Casey grimaced as Charlie put all the pieces together in his head. "When did you leave him?" Charlie asked.
"I think it was right before Christmas in my senior year," Casey said uneasily.
"Christmas of your senior year," Charlie muttered to himself as if was trying to figure something out. "If you're…and my birthday is….Would that be like 1981?"
"Sounds about right," Casey said.
"Are you saying I never met my father?" Charlie asked.
Casey nodded.
"Is that the big lie you were talking about? I always thought we left him after I was born. Not before," Charlie said. He rubbed his chin. "You never told me that I never met him. You just said I wouldn't remember."
"A lie of omission is still a lie, " Casey reminded him.
"There's more isn't there?" Charlie asked.
Casey bit her lip again. Charlie had become good at reading her. He was like Bombay in that way.
During their time at the winter festival, she had told Bombay about her worries about how their relationship would affect Charlie and how she was concerned about Charlie becoming too attached to Bombay. While her concerns about Charlie were understandable, Bombay was able to decipher the meaning behind her words. Although unspoken, Casey too had been hurt before. So much so that she was hesitant to befriend him never mind starting a relationship with him.
Casey hesitated in answering Charlie right away."I love you, Charlie. More than life itself.," Casey started.
"Mom, You can tell me," Charlie said.
Casey looked at her son. He had grown so much in the past year. Not just physically either. Could he handle the truth?
"We didn't leave you father. He left us," Casey said bluntly, ripping the bandage off.
Charlie blinked in disbelief. "I thought you said that we, I mean, you left him."
"I'm sorry for lying to you," Casey said sincerely. "I really thought it was for the best at the time."
The two of them just sat there without saying a word. It was a lot to digest. Charlie stared at the ceiling trying to process what his mother just told him.
"Why?" Charlie asked still staring at the ceiling.
"He wasn't ready to be a father," Casey explained. "He didn't want the responsibility that came with having a baby. "
"He didn't want me?" Charlie asked looking away. Casey could hear the hurt in his voice.
"That's his loss," Casey said.
"Is it?" Charlie asked. "Is that what he told you?"
"Not exactly."
"Mom…" Charlie said fighting off tears. "You've gone this far, you may as well tell me everything."
Perhaps against better judgement, Casey pressed on. "He said he didn't want a baby and that if I was going to keep you that it would be my problem and that I'd be on my own."
"I'm sorry," Charlie said sounding dejected. The tears began to fall down his cheek.
"Whatever for," Casey soothed.
Tears started to flow. "For everything," Charlie sobbed. "I cost you everything. You could have gone to college. Got a good job. You'd probably be married by now."
"Oh Charlie." Casey pulled her into her arms and held him. "You're not a problem. Don't ever say that . I'd do it all again if it meant having you here with me."
Charlie pulled away from her embrace. "You really mean that?" Charlie asked.
"Of course sweetheart," Casey smiled through her own tears. "I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life the marry someone who didn't want you."
Charlie brightened as he wiped away his tears. "Do you think you'll ever find someone?"
"I don't know Charlie," Casey admitted as she once again thought of Bombay. Bombay was good for Charlie. That was unmistakable. But was Gordon ready for commitment? Was she?
"Maybe one day."