It was a quiet evening on the courtyard of Kami's Lookout; Dende, his little green eyes shut as he sat, took another whiff of the smoke before him."mm, Mr. Popo, I have to tell you, this incense is among the finest I've tried on Earth so far," he said."What do you call it?"
"Pot," Mr. Popo replied casually.
"No, I know where you grew it in; I wish to know the name of the plant," Dende misunderstood.
"Dende!" the voice of Gohan called.
Dende looked up as the Z Warriors cleared the horizon of the Lookout, landing before the newly crowned deity. The young Namekian happily rose to shake Gohan's hand."Hi, Gohan! What brings all of you up to the Lookout?"
"We'll tell you on the condition that you and Mr. Popo don't shriek your hearts out," replied an annoyed Piccolo.
At this, Dende chuckled."Come on now, Piccolo, I've seen my own family brutally murdered before my eyes and my homeworld consumed in a hellish inferno; you should know my heart welcomes grief my now." beamed Dende.
"That's...good news?" Krillin questioned with concern."Anyway, Perfect Cell's come back to life, and it wasn't the Dragon Balls; so we figured the only way to find out how is for you to take us to Otherworld."
"Why didn't you ask Baba?" Dende wondered.
"You got ten mil on you, Kami?" deadpanned Krillin, pulling his empty pockets inside out.
"You'd think a god of all people would," remarked Mr. Popo."Perhaps we should start our own religion so that people will pay tribute to us..." he stroked his offensively dark chin.
"Back to the subject," Piccolo said,"The part of me that was once Kami could go back and forth between here and Heaven, so you must be able to as well."
Dende scratched his head."No, don't get me wrong, I know I can take you guys to Heaven; but I don't think...well..." he paused, looking at Gohan.
"What's wrong, Dende?" Gohan asked.
"You see, Piccolo, Krillin, Yamcha, and Tien have all died at some point - it's simple to cross them back and forth between the realms; but you on the the other hand, Gohan, have never died, so in other words..." he began sadly.
"...in otherwords..." Gohan looked down,"I can't come with you..." he finished.
"I'm truly sorry, Gohan, I'm sure you were looking forward to meeting your father again..." Dende vocalized.
Regardless, Gohan smiled through his disappointment."It's alright, Dende. Dad thought it was better if he stayed gone anyway..."
"Tell that to friggin Bojack!" Krillin complained.
"Let's just hurry this up," Piccolo hastened," Cell's gotta be rampaging god-knows-where..."
"I dunno where he is..." interrupted Dende in confusion.
"...and we need to know how!" the larger Namekien grunted."Let's hold hands already!"
Gohan and Mr. Popo watched as the others gathered in a circle, clasping eachother's arms. The small Guardian closed his eyes, his mind homing in on the other side.
Krillin turned to Gohan with a reassuring smile."Don't worry, Gohan, we'll bring back something neat from Otherworld for you."
"You can't bring anything back..." corrected Dende
"...and you wonder why people use you name in vain..." cursed the bald fighter.
In the next instant, the five vanished, leaving only a small dust cloud in their place.
Gohan and Mr. Popo stared at the empty space in silence...
Popo turned to the child"...Would you like some pot?"
A long line of wealthy citizens had gathered in front of the entrance to the Earth King's palace; each group presented their own mailed invitation to the party to the guards. the night went on like clockwork, until a particular group of five stopped before the guards. Three of them were young girls dressed in traditional Earth Kingdom garments; the male in the middle was dressed up what appeared to be a heavily decorated Kyoshi Warrior kimono, complete with the makeup and a (fake) curly mustache thrown into the mix.
"Can we help you?" asked the guard mechanically.
"I think a-maybe if you can," began Tarble as he inched forward, dress up like a feudal Japanese vassal and speaking with a thick, unidentified European accent. "Dis is-a Count rrrRoderick von Brokenzipper! Formerly Count Velcro." he gestured to Sokka, whom remained silent as he stoically blew his face with a fan.
"Uh, duh..." the guard muttered as he shared a glance with his peer.
"Where are dee trumpets!?" Tarble suddenly asked.
"beh, uh..." the confused guard raised an eyebrow.
"We were promised trumpets to announce dee Count's arrival!" Tarble claimed, "Sorry, Jour Grace. Beat me until jou're happy," he quickly bowed before Sokka, who silently smacked Tarble across his cheek ,"He'z happy. And I'm not feeling too bad myself..." he affirmed.
The guard cleared his throat "Let me, uh..." he tries as he reads his chart over. "You're not on the list."
"We're WHAT?!" Tarble trumpeted," Once again..." he bowed before Sokka, who smacked him. "Ow! Tank' you. Fine! We will go! Jou will explain to jour superiors why we were not able to attend jour little luau, jour barn dance, whatever it is!" Tarble complained as he prodded the guard's chest, making a scene ."But we're leaving, in a huff!" he said as dramatically turned around.
"No, no! No, no! No, no!" The anxious guard stopped him." Please! Go right in. In fact, would the Count like to hit me?" the guard offered.
"De Count hit jou?" Tarble scoffed," Dee arrogance of some peepole. I will hit jou on he' behalf..." Tarble said, before slapping the piss out of the guard, the man's helmet flying off as his whole body slammed to the pavement.
"Ow!" the downed guard grunted. "Thank you, Your Grace!" he waved as the "count" walked by.
The group entered the massive dining hall of the Earth King's palace, walking past countless aristocrats.
"Well, that plan worked like a charm, I must say," Tarble patted himself on the back, this having been his plan.
"Did I have to dress up as a girl?" the lipstick wearing and wig donning Aang inquired."...again...?"
"It was either that, or a bus boy..." Toph reminded.
"Let's just keep a look out for the Earth King," reminded Sokka, plucking off the fake mustache.
"I don't know what he looks like," reminded Aang.
"You know, 'royal', flowing robe, fancy jewelry..." Sokka described, as they passed countless people fitting that description.
"That could be anyone!" the airbender complained.
"What are you doing here!?" suddenly called Joo Dee, appearing out of nowhere.
"Kai on a cracker, she's back!" Tarble exclaimed, hiding behind Sokka.
"You have to leave immediately!" Joo Dee demanded, her usual demon grin strangely absent,"Or we'll all be in terrible trouble!" she begged, gripping on Sokka.
"Not until we see the king!" Sokka objected, refusing to budge.
"You misunderstand, you must go!" she tried again, trying to shove the crossdressing Avatar out like her life depended on it. This in turn shoved Aang into a random rich woman, spilling her drink over her dress, which in turn caused her to shout, which in turn prompted Aang to apologize and airbend the stain away, which in turn blasted his wig off, revealing his arrow tattoo and by extension himself as the Avatar, which in turn gained the immediate attention of everyone in the room, to the point where the musicians stopped playing, blanketing the dining hall under a veil of awkward silence.
"shhhhhhhhhhhit..." thought Joo Dee.
Sokka leaned into ear."You keep them distracted while we look for the Earth King..."
With that, Aang couldn't happier to leap out of his dress, revealing his Air Nomad clothing as he landed on the table, entertaining the guests with a colorful display of waterbending. The king's pure-bred bear, Bosco, clapped at this.
"Why the hell do we have to wait to see King Yemma!?" Piccolo demanded, slamming his fist into the desk.
The Z Warriors currently stood within what appeared to be a lobby in the Check-In Station, not unlike the lobby of a Wells Fargo; there were lines of mortals from across the multiverse waiting at either side of The Z Warriors; at the other side of the glass barrier was a light blue oni with glasses, who was was nervously adjusting them in the presence of the irate Namekian.
"I apologize, Mr. Daimao," the worker tried."But Mr. Yemma's schedule is very backed-up for an indefinite amount of time; if you wish, you may take a seat and wait till your name is called, though I estimate the waiting process at this time would be at least an apocalypse or two..."
"Yeah, we don't have that time..." Piccolo glared."You are aware that Earth's Kami is standing right next to me aren't you?"
The clerk sighed."Really? You're going to play that card? King Yemma is the closest thing to a god in this facility..."
"Yeah!? Well I don't see you sitting behind a 2,000 year old mahogany desk, asshole!" the Namek growled as he punched the glass, again frightening the clerk.
"Piccolo, you are aware you can't kill him right?" Krillin reminded as he leaned from behind.
"Kinda' makes you wonder why there even needs to be glass protecting this guy..." Yamcha wondered.
"Probably works for a union..." noted Tien.
"Listen to me," tried Piccolo,"I'm fully aware you're people aren't exactly concerned with matters of life or death, but we 'mortals' are. A monster named 'Perfect Cell' has been resurrected, and we need to know how."
At this, the clerk spat his coffee. He leaned closer to the glass."How do you know about that!?" he hissed.
Piccolo raised his non-existed brow."Oh? So you know already?"
"Yes I do..." he whispered between his teeth,"It's precisely the reason King Yemma is so busy right now, which is supposed to be top secret information, so I would appreciate it if you'd keep your voice down before I lose my job talking about it to mortals..."
"Reeeaaaaallly now?" Leered Krillin."You mean you don't want us to mention the MORTAL BEING that RESURRECTED HIMSELF BACK TO THE REALM OF THE LIVING!? Man that would really suck if ALL THESE MORTALS knew how to CHEAT DEATH, WITHOUT DRAGON BALLS no less!"
"What the hell did you say?" a certain short blonde teen with a red jacket and metallic limbs asked."Someone came back from the dead by himself? Did you here that, Al?
"No way!" the sentient suit of armor echoed."He didn't have to rely on any kind of 'law of equivalent exchange' or anything?"
"Nope!" assured Yamcha."The dude just randomly came back to life."
"Surely he was summoned by the living temporarily through some secret technique?" a snake-like human with long black hair dressed like a ninja speculated, standing behind the two alchemists.
"Oh no!" said Tien."We're talking about someone that came back to life by himself - no summoning, no outside assistance..."
"Did this mortal use magic?" asked a man with long gray hair with one wing and a huge kanata in his hand, standing behind the ninja.
"Did he use a special kind of jewel?" asked a white haired demon dog boy in a red kimono, standing behind the one winged angel.
"Surely it was his superpower...?" asked a man in a black suit with no face or hair, and a strange metal harness surrounding his neck, standing behind the half demon.
"Hey, as far as we know, it was none of those things!" Dende said,"seriously, on my world, I'm God, and I don't even know how he did it!"
The mortals waiting at the lobby suddenly erupted with a barrage of voices and demands at the desk for information.
"How'd he do it!? I wanna bring my mother back!"
"What jutsu did he use!?"
"Tell me how to cast this spell!"
"Hand over that jewel already!"
"I must have this Quirk for myself!"
The clerk panicked like never before."Nonononono, what have you done!? Now it's going to leak to other universes!"
"Well, it sounds like you need someone to find this guy and put his soul back where it belongs..." Piccolo noted, resting against the desk on his elbow,"Lucky for you, that's exactly why we're here. So I'd just suggest you ring up Yemma before you're the soul he judges next..."
"Alright, fine! Here, take this!" the clerk said, handing Piccolo a card through the slot.
"What is this? A 'Get Out of Hell Free' card?" The Namek said, reading the card's contents.
"Use it to get clearance into Heaven," the oni explained,"If anyone knows what's going on, it'd be the Kais. But I should tell you something first..."
"Go on..." Piccolo urged.
The oni gained shifty eyes."Cell wasn't the only one who escaped Hell: it was also Freiza, his father, and some key figures of the Freiza Force."
"You're shitting us...!" Yamcha's pupil shrunk.
"I don't get paid to shit," the clerk said,"So if you people can offer any assistance in this matter, hurry up and help the Kais!"
The warriors nodded, running off in a different hallway.
The oni sighed, falling back into his chair. Just then, his landline rang, and so he picked up the phone."Hello? This the Check-In Station, you're call is being monitored for training purposes..." he paused. After a sec, he rolled his eyes and inhaled."I've already told you, Mr. Ikari, we cannot resurrect the entirety of your world's population at this time...No, not even the Lillin...I don't care if their AT fields have been restored, corpses are corpses...Well, Mr. 2nd Children, you should have thought about being one of the last two people on your planet before sacrificing your people to some giant black moon goddess...what do you mean 'Do you at least have room for one more?'...hello...?" the oni blinked in confusion; just then, he was stunned to hear the sound of a teenage girl being strangled."...oh my..."
As the aristocrats were going crazy over the Avatar's performance, a few guards carried a palanquin into the hall. Sokka was the first to spot it; he realized who was sitting in it.
"Aang! It's the Earth King!" Sokka called to Aang, pointing over to the curtained seat placed at the end of the table.
The Avatar literally dropped what he was doing and hurriedly dashed down the table in his air scooter. But just when Aang made it at the end, the guards quickly picked the seat back up and carried the Earth King away from the table. Sokka tries to go for the king, but is grabbed by two Dai Li agents. Katara and Toph are ambushed by agents and detained before could properly react.
Instead of the Earth King, Aang ended up stopping just before some other Earth Kingdom official."Avatar, it is a great honor to meet you. I am Long Feng, Grand Secretary of Ba Sing Se and head of the Dai Li. I'd like to talk to you. Your friends will be waiting for us in the library." Long Feng greeted, and ordered in the same breath.
A sudden noise caught Aang attention. he turned to his left."Um, I think you missed a friend..."
"Excuse me?" Long Feng questioned, turning to the same direction as Aang, and regretting it.
Tarble gripped the wrist of the agent that dared to assault him."Get off of me!" he shouted before punching him in the gut, sending him flying to the end of the large room. He elbowed the other agent in the kidney and threw him away, over Long Feng's head.
"Arrest the Saiyan!" Long Feng commanded his agents, flinging his fingers at the target.
Aang was shocked."Wait, did you just call him...?"
The Dai Li agents swarmed the Saiyan, volleying stone fists, which Tarble barely managed to guard against.
"Are they shooting their fists at him?" Katara questioned."That is so dumb!"
"That is so awesome!" Sokka praised.
The fed up Tarble shot into the air."Just so we're clear: I'm doing this out of self-defense!" he announced before unleashing an energy volley from his hands, buffeting the floor, walls, and pillars of the hall with explosions. the guests ran away screaming, fleeing the alien attacking them. The Gaang had to run and duck under the dinner table, next to the terrified bear.
"That is one kick-ass interpretation of 'self-defense'..." Toph noted.
Five agents raised their hands and clutched their fingers. Above Tarble, a crack in the ceiling formed a large circle. A huge chunk of stone detached from the ceiling, and fell right on Tarble's cranium, taking him down to the floor with an earth rattling thud, following by a cloud of dust.
"The Saiyan has been neutralized!" announced one agent.
"GUESS AGAAAAAAIIIIIIN!" the dust cloud was instantly dispersed by an explosion of energy. Tarble screamed as his raw ki blew the agents away.
"The Saiyan has not been neutraliiiiiii...!" screamed the agent as he flew passed the shocked Long Feng.
The force blasted the curtain off of the Earth King's platform, revealing the king himself, who beheld the being shrouded in a blue aura.
Tarble kept up the current of power; when suddenly, he stopped screaming, and his whole body cringed in pain. Tarble mentally cursed as he realized his growing powerlevel just hit the same mysterious wall as before, causing it to drop back down, the aura going with it. Tarble dropped to his knees, panting heavily. The agents seized this opportunity, and covered his body up to his neck in a mound of stone.
"O-Okay! The Saiyan is definitely neutralized this time!" the agent from before tried again."...Hopefully!"
"Sokka, do something!" Katara cried.
"No way! I can't use this power until I find out where the hell it came from!" Sokka refused.
Long Feng cleared his throat loudly."Now then, Avatar, now that I have all of your friends dealt with, I suggest we take this conversation elsewhere..."
"HOLD EVERYTHING!"
All the agents in the room froze at the sound of the Earth King's voice. The surprisingly young monarch rose from his seat, and quickly made his way towards Tarble, every earthbender he passed bowing to him.
"Oh no..." Aang dreaded.
"What?" Sokka asked.
"They know he's a Saiyan!"
"You're kidding!" Katara gasped.
"Well if the king knows what we know," Toph reasoned," this ain't gon' end well..."
The Gaang watched as he stopped before the immobilized Saiyan, who lazily raised his eyes up to meet the king's. The Earth King said nothing...until...well...he said something:"Are you...truly a Saiyan?"
Tarble weakly nodded his head.
The king blinked...then smiled."BLESSED BE THE EARTH KINGDOM!"
"Nani?" Aang paused.
"Dai Li! Release this emissary of Vetega immediately!"demanded the king.
The agents halfheartedly glanced at Long Feng, who smacked his forehead."Dammit, we're too late..."
The stone around Tarble crumbled to dust, allowing the Saiyan to jolt to his feet. After doing so, he noticed all the remaining Earth Kingdom guests come out from hiding, muttering in awe amongst eachother. They gathered around Tarble in a circle, simultaneously bowing down to their knees, the Earth King included, before the Saiyan, chanting some ancient prayer in Mandarin. Obviously, none of this helped to ease Tarble's confusion. His head whipped around, glaring in bewilderment at his new worshippers.
"...Guys!," Toph said,"Context!?"
The Z Warriors soared over the golden clouds of Heaven, breezing passed various heavenly residents, some of which had angel wings, whom then felt dumb for having them.
"I honestly can't believe we're back here!" Yamcha exclaimed.
"Well, at least we can leave anytime we want this time," remarked Tien.
"Yeah, but when ya think about, why would anyone want to leave this place?" Krillin asked.
"Everyone look out for the Grand Kai's mansion; it's where all the Kais come to meet eachother," Piccolo ordered.
"Anyone still a little surprised their are four King Kai's?" Yamcha reminded."I wonder how much the King Kai we know measures up with other three?"
"With our luck, we probably ended up with the weakest Kai of the four..." speculated Tien.
"So, if our King Kai will only take in students that can make him laugh...and we saw how easy that was..." Krillin glared northward,"I wonder how hard it is to make the others laugh...?"
"Hey, Tien. Maybe you and I could come up with some kinda' Abbot and Costello routine; ya' know, like that 'Who's on 1st?' gag?"
The three eyed man was only just then paying attention."I'm sorry, who's on first?" he legitimately asked.
"Yeah, you know, the the baseball players with the funny names?"
Tien blinked."Baseball players, okay, but who's on 1st?"
Yamcha shrugged."I know, it's kind of an old gag, but I figure these Kai dudes are classy guys and might like the old fashioned kinda' stuff, ya' know?"
"I don't understand. Yamcha, I'm asking you, who's on 1st?"
"If you don't understand the joke, then why would you want be the one that asks it? Lemme explain, there're these three baseball players with funny names, right? Who's on 1st base, What's on 2nd base, and Idunno's on 3rd."
"That's I what I want to know," Tien reminded.
"Oh, so you do get it!" Yamcha beamed."Okay, good, now let's rehearse it!"
"Rehearse what?" Tien asked.
"What's the one on 2nd base." Yamcha answered.
"I'dunno," Tien replied.
"That's 3rd base," Yamcha said.
"What?" Tien asked.
"No, Tien, 3rd base; What's on 2nd base." Yamcha reminded.
"Why're you asking me?" Tien wondered.
"Because you said you didn't understand; that's why I'm the one who's gonna ask." Yamcha said.
"You're already asking," Tien told him.
"That's cause we're rehearsing!" Yamcha reminded.
"Rehearsing what?" Tien asked.
"Again, 2nd base," Yamcha replied.
"Who's on 2nd base?" Tien asked.
"No, Tien, Who's on 1st base, What's on 2nd base," corrected Yamcha.
"I dunno!" Tien answered.
"That's 3rd, Tien, stay focused!" Yamcha responded.
"Focused on what!?" Tien demanded.
"Dude, not just What! Who's on 1st, What's on 2nd, Idunno's on 3rd! Let try this again..." Yamcha attempted.
"TRY WHAT AGAIN!?" Tien cried, staring at Yamcha as though he'd lost his mind.
"WHAT'S ON 2ND!" Yamcha said.
"SAY 'WHAT' ONE MORE GODDAMN TIME!" Tien threatened.
"THAT'S NOT EVEN THE RIGHT MOVIE, YOU DUMBASS!" Yamcha yelled.
"GUYS, LOOK WHO IT IS!" exclaimed Krillin as he grinned from ear to ear.
"THAT'S 1ST BASE!" shouted Yamcha and Tien at Krillin, but their anger dissipated upon seeing what Krillin saw.
The five looked down at what was apparently Grand Kai's mansion; but what caught their immediate interest, and delight, was what was occurring in the front yard. Two fighters darted across the floating island, trading hundreds of blows per second; a green fist clothed in a blue sleeve collided with a human-like fist with a blue wrist strap, rocking the whole mansion with a shockwave, but neither the fist of the unkown fighter, nor that the old friend, backed down from eachother.
After a long time; a genuine smile stretched across Piccolo's face."Nice to know you haven't skipped a day of training, Son..."
Goku and Pikkon pressed eachother's knuckles together, the gold aura clashing with the white aura.
"Come on, Pikkon!" Son Goku, his Super Saiyan form blazing, smirked through gritted teeth."Can we just call it day? I already beat you once, y'know!"
"No way, Saiyan! We both went out of bounds, remember!? You never beat me!" Pikkon maintained the pressure, before launching left free fist at Goku.
Goku caught that fist with his right free hand."If you're gonna use that kind of logic, than some warrior you are!" Goku pulled Pikkon in, and vaulted his own forehead into Pikkon's face.
Pikkon responded by driving both boots into Goku's abs, knocking him far away."I'LL SHOW YOU WHO THE REAL WARRIOR IS!" Pikkon waved his fists around in circles, and swung them together."THUNDER FLASH!" an enormous burst of fire erupted from those fist, consuming the ground in its way to Goku, or at least it would be, if Goku were still in the path of the blast.
"Huh!?" Pikkon sputtered, before Goku popped to his right, already charging his own signature move. Pikkon could only curse himself for falling for the same trick...
"Ka-Me-Ha-Me-HAAAAAAAAAA!" Goku shoved his cupped hands into Pikkon's face, the blue light blasting him away, past the reclining Kais, and straight into the mansion, shaking the whole island.
Fazed less by the blast and more by his own student's consistent incompetence, the West Kai sunk deeper into his seat."...Is he ever not going to fall for that?"
"I'm gonna make a prediction and say..." the South Kai took a sip of his iced drink "...no, no he will not..."
The East Kai turned to the South Kai in confusion."Wait, you mean he will not fall for it or...?"
"NEVER NOT FALL FOR THAT!" the North Kai, known to the Z Warriors as King Kai, leapt out of his his chair in pure joy."ATA BOY, GOKU! That's a winning ratio of 2 to nothing!"
"But Pikkon never actually lost the first time, remember!?" reminded the West Kai.
"Not a real warrior! Not a real warrior!" sang the East and South Kais, causing the West Kai to sink back down into his seat.
Goku just powered down to his base form, clasping his hands around the back of his head and laughing like his goofball self.
"GOOOOOOOOOOOKUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"
Everyone not Kamehameha'd into a house nearly jumped out of their shoes at the sound of Krillin's cry; the short bald human's feet slammed onto the ground."Guess who, buddy!?" he exclaimed with his arms spread wide.
"Krillin!?" Goku gasped."And Yamcha!? And Tien!? And Piccolo!? And Dende!? And ECSPESIALLY YAMCHA!?"
Krillin tackled Goku to the ground with the ultimate bro hug."Goku! You're as awesome as ever, man!"
"Daaawww, thanks, best buddy!" the blushing Saiyan scratched his hair. But then his frown vanish."er-Wait, you guys aren't dead, are you?"
"Can't you tell for yourself, Goku?" Piccolo asked, pointing up to the clear lack of a halo above his head.
"uuuuuuuuuuuuuhhh..." Goku gazed at his friends, trying his best to answer the question.
Krillin sighed content-fully."Classic Goku..."
"Welp', considering the crazy connections you guys have, I won't even bother asking how you got here without dying," King Kai noted,"So, why did you come here?"
"Someone told me you already know, King Kai," Piccolo folded his arms.
The North Kai perked up in brief confusion, but then slumped in realization."It's about Cell, isn't it?"
"Huh?" Goku questioned, looking between the Kais and his friends."What about Cell?"
"Eh, nothin', it's just that Cell somehow brought himself back to life..." explained Krillin.
Goku gasped.
"Do not run around screaming! You KNOW better!" Piccolo commanded.
"Cell's still alive!?" Goku just screamed.
"Nope, not 'still' alive, Goku..." King Kai shook his head, pacing toward his student,"He was definitely dead, died a year ago; but then recently...well, he wasn't."
"But who wished him back!?" Goku asked.
"That's the thing, Goku," Piccolo said,"The Dragon Balls have nothing to with this. Somehow, Cell brought himself back to life; and apparently, he took Frieza with him..."
"WwwwwwwwWHAT!?" Goku's jaw hung, and his upperbody dangled."King Kai! Why didn't you tell me!?"
King Kai sighed."Look, Goku, I'm not sure you're aware of this yet, but you are, in fact, dead - you're not supposed to care about what goes on in the living world anymore. I knew that if had told you, you would have freaked out and tried to get yourself wished back to life, instead of calming down and letting us gods sort this stuff out. You don't recall me calling you up all those times Towa and Mira tried to ruin the spacetime continuum, do you?"
"Who's Towa and Mira?" Goku raised a brow.
"Exactly!" King Kai flung his palms out."That's because there's a god for that; and she deals with that stuff in her own way." he flicked his fingers outward dismissively."It's not your responsibility, anymore, Goku: you're dead, freed from the mortal coil of life. All your earthly affairs have been settled. Everything that goes on in the living is the living's problem, not yours!"
"Well that's kinda' harsh..." Yamcha remarked.
"You know what else is harsh, Dickface!?" spat the North Kai."Death is harsh! And it's time you guys realized that, instead of just collecting a bunch of magical testicles and wishing all your loved ones back to life and never learning anything!"
"Ah settle down, North Kai," the South Kai walked in,"After all, in the grand scheme of eternity, certain mortals learning lessons that no one else will is just pointless as war or money or all that other mortal shit."
King Kai huffed."I guess you're right..." he admitted, but then he swung he finger at Goku,"But I'm still not letting you wish yourself back to life for at least a few more years, are we clear!?"
"Yes, King Kai..." Goku muttered like a scolded child.
"But what about Cell!?" Krillin reminded.
"Last time I checked, you got a guy for that - Gohan" King Kai said."A guy and a half if you count Vegeta."
"Yeah, then we're back down to just a guy," Yamcha said."Because Vegeta's long gone, and we can't even begin to to figure out where in the universe he is..."
At this, East Kai chuckled to herself.
"And even then, Gohan just barely managed to defeat Cell on his own, and Vegeta technically helped!" Krillin added.
"The least you could do is help us find Cell, King Kai..." Tien asked.
"You don't think I tried to find him!?" King Kai complained."I've searching for him this entire time, but no luck! He's somehow beyond my scope of vision!"
"You're joking...!" Yamcha gaped.
"I've even tried to find Vegeta as well just to keep tabs, but he's vanished to! Do you have any idea how frustrating it is not to be able to sense the ki of people that are residents of my own cardinal direction of the universe!?"
"Oooooooooohohohohohohoho!" East Kai suddenly burst out laughing.
"What!?" North Kai spun around to her."You think it's funny too!?"
"Nooooooo..." leered East Kai,"It's just that I believe that I have solved both your problems just now - your welcome, mortals!"
"W-Wait, what do you mean?" Piccolo questioned.
"What I mean is..." she began, hopping out her seat,"The reason why North Kai can't find either of these people you've mentioned is because neither of them are in the North Galaxy! I just did a quick sweep, and it turns out, They are both in the East Galaxy!"
The protagonist performed there usual 90's poorly English dubbed "HAAAAAAAAAAAH!?"
"And wouldn't you know it? There even both stranded on the same planet!"
"Well, that just figures..." the stunned Krillin manage to cope,"So, what planet are they on?"
"Ah, yes, that..." she noted, adjusting her sunglasses."I will tell you; but before I do, you should know what you're getting into..."
"Just hit us; we're up for it," Yamcha said, gearing himself up for another girly scream.
"This planet lies at the center of a mysterious void in space that appeared over a thousand years ago," East Kai said,"This void has the ability to sap away the energy of powerful beings such as yourself, and eventually reduce them to that of your common earthlings..."
"No way..." Yamcha marveled, managing not to scream."And you're saying that Vegeta and Cell are trapped somewhere in there? They must be going mad!"
"Probably," speculated East Kai,"But here's the part that might interest you: it is called 'The Void of Vegeta'."
" 'The Void of Vegeta'!?" Goku repeated.
"How the hell did he end up having a planet and a whole void name after him!?" Yamcha demanded.
"Oh, it's not named after the Vegeta you know; you see, the last person to arrive on that planet I mentioned just before the void came into existence was a Saiyan named 'Vegeta'."
"Wasn't Vegeta's father also named 'Vegeta'?" Yamcha recalled.
"He is the very same Vegeta!" East Kai replied.
"Vegeta's father was over a millenium old?" Tien questioned.
"Saiyans don't age, remember?" Piccolo said."Where did the void come from?"
East Kai shrugged."That's the weirdest part for me - I don't know."
"Okay then," Krillin took all this in."So, if was she's saying's true, then I think we might wanna reconsider going to whatever planet Cell is on right now..."
"Guess King Kai was right; this problem just solved itself," Tien noted.
"A-thank you!" King Kai nodded.
"B-But what about Vegeta!?" Yamcha realized."He's trapped in there too! With no power! For, like, ever!"
Piccolo stroked his chin."I suppose we could just wish Vegeta out of that place..."
"ME ALMIGHTY! You people just never learn!" King Kai smacked his forehead.
"Well, thanks for the heads up, East Kai," Tien bowed,"So then, what is the name of the planet they're stranded on?"
East Kai folded her arms behind her back and smiled."It is called...Planet Avatar." she announced dramatically.
The Z Warriors paused...but only out of the awkward silence the East Kai created...
"...huh..." Krillin muttered."That's...information..."
Piccolo looked at the grass."That still leaves us with another problem: how did Cell bring himself back from the dead? How'd he end up on that planet? And what about-"
"FREEEEIIIIIZAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Everyone's attention was caught by a commotion in the sky. A swarm of oni were trying to detain some random person; they seemed to be stopping him from approaching the Kais. They were blown away by his ki explosion; the person then blasted down to the floating island, landing knee and fist-first on the ground, right next to Goku. The man panted, rising to his feet."heh...heh...You...Kais...you have to bring me back to life!"
King Kai would have moaned again about someone wanting to cheat death; but this particular someone caught his interest, as well as effectively silencing the Z Warriors, simply with his appearance.
Yamcha's bugged out eyes swerved back and forth between the newcomer and his old friend."Guys? Is it just me, or does this guy look exactly like..."
"My name is Bardock. I'm a Saiyan that lived on Planet Vegeta right before Freiza destroyed it."
Pikkon finally stumbled his way out of the hole in the wall he was knocked through; he shook his eyes back into focus, though he wasn't entirely sure they were fully focused."Great...now I'm seeing two Goku's..." he grumbled."Doesn't matter! I'm ready for round three, you carrot-headed motherf(*&er!" he cried as he rocketed straight for the Saiyan named Bardock, who simply slid to the side and stuck his leg out, causing Pikkon to trip, his own momentum sending him flying and screaming over the edge of the island.
The South and East Kai could only look down at the West in disappointment...
"Oh come on! That wasn't even Goku!" West Kai barked.
"Nice move there!" Goku complemented.
"Thanks," Bardock replied; but then he paused, looking the younger man over."Wait a minute...I think I've seen you before somewhere...like, in a vision..."
Goku thought the same of the older man, but he couldn't put his finger on it. But after a moment, a startling revelation hit him...
Goku blinked."Well of course you think that, I look like you."
"Yeah, that's probly' it," Bardock nodded.
"Why are you here?" King Kai questioned."I get the feeling you don't belong up here."
"I don't," Bardock said,"So trust me when I say that I know why Freiza and that Cell person went to Planet Avatar."
"Duuuuuuuuude, we were just talking about Planet Avatar!" remarked Yamcha,"AND you're a Saiyan that looks like Goku! Small friggin universe!"
"He's exploiting the Void of Vegeta," Bardock explained,"He went in there on purpose to conceal his energy from everyone."
"On purpose?" Tien asked."But he's trapped there now. Did he not know that would happen?"
"Idiots! That's what he wants you to think! But I'm from Planet Vegeta, I know about the Void, and how to escape it at will!"
"Say what now?" East Kai questioned.
"So he did it just for us to let our guard down, even if we knew he was there," Piccolo realized,"Dammit, I should've known it was too good to be true..."
"It gets worse," Bardock said."Listen, it's true that the Void of Vegeta weakens everyone who enters it, and that no one knows where the void came from, but all Saiyans were taught this: every one hundred years or so, the void dissipates, and everyone on that planet gains all of their power back."
"Don't friggin tell me..." Yamcha dreaded.
"That's right, Dickface," Bardock confirmed,"The centennial of Planet Avatar is comin' up; that's all Freiza'll need to truly come back from the dead." Bardock clenched his fist.
"So, in other words," Piccolo realized,"We actually do need to go there...this sucks..."
A light bulb went off over the bulb that was Krillin's head."Hang on a minute...this doesn't suck!"
"No, Krillin, it does," Yamcha agreed with Piccolo."Like, black hole-tier sucking; let's just go home, tell Gohan, and collect the Dragon Balls."
"Oh sure, it definitely sucks..." leered Krillin,"...for them! Remember what the void does? It takes all strong beings, and brings their powerlevels down to earthling level - earthling level, as in our level!" he said, patting his chest,"We're earthlings! Me, you, Tien, Piccolo, Gohan, even Goku in a way! We may not all be humans, but we all know what it's like not to be strong enough to blow up planets, but they don't!
"He's right," realized Tien,"We've all lived most of our lives as normal people, relatively weak in comparison to someone like Freiza, but we've always been the greatest human fighters of our time; but Freiza lived his whole life with all that power, never knowing how to live without it - and without that power, he couldn't fight to save his life."
"Even me and Goku grew up having a sense of weakness," Piccolo added,"We've never solely relied on pure power to win a fight. If we go and face them now, at their weakest, we'll have the home-field advantage," he smirked.
"Alright! That sounds like a plan!" Goku shouted, punching his palm,"Let's go back to Earth, and take a spaceship to Planet Avatar! This is gonna be fun!" Goku said before taking off...
...only for his hair to be snagged by King Kai's fingers."ahem, Son Goku, are we forgetting something?" he inquired, pointing to the Saiyan's halo.
That Saiyan stared up at his halo for a good while before the obvious clicked."But King Kaaaaaaiiiii...!" he whined.
"NO BUTS!" thundered the non-thunder god."You are D-E-A-D! No mortal plain for you! Or this other suspiciously familiar looking Saiyan!"
"What the hell!?" Bardock echoed Goku's complaint.
"Come on, now, North Kai," reasoned South Kai,"Just let the mortals go."
"Really, you're being awfully petty about this whole thing," rebuked the East Kai.
"No shit I'm petty!" King Kai growled."Someone from my quarter of the universe just resurrected himself along with the souls of the Freiza Force on my watch, and I don't even know how! What kind of deity am I if I can't even keep track of a handful of mortals!? I refuse to allow anyone else to set foot outside of Otherworld until I get this crap sorted out!"
At this, Krillin shrugged."Oh well, that's a shame, I guess me and my living friends will just go ahead and gather the Dragon Balls..." he snidely turned around and started walking away from the livid Kai.
The North Kai's jaw dropped; he clawed his fingers as his short robust body rattled with pent up frustration, babbling incoherently."FINE! Just go! Don't bother with the damn balls! Hell, you can even take this new guy with you!"
"Yay!" Goku cheered."Let's go, Burdock!"
"s'Bardock..." the older Saiyan corrected.
King Kai quickly zipped into Goku's mug."But keep this in your head: you're going to Planet Avatar for two reasons, first to find out how Cell resurrected himself, and second, to make sure he can't ever do it again! Once those objectives are accomplished, it's straight back to Otherworld - are we clear?" he asked, pressing his noseless face into Goku's nose.
"Aye aye, King Kai!" Goku beamed regardless, saluting the blue lord accordingly."Okay, NOW we can go home!" he said as he hopped over to Bardock."Just wait 'till you see Earth, Bardock! It's a beautiful planet with a blue sky and green trees, and it's ruled by a talking dog!"
Bardock stared back at the unusually giddy Saiyan placidly."m'kay...Well, if I got the green light to come, I might as well bring my son along..."
"You have a son?" Goku repeated.
Bardock crossed his arms and turned his head toward the edge of the island."Hey! Saibaman-Kid! That's your cue!"
"I'd rather not..." answered an anxious voice from below.
"Quit being a baby and get up here, squirt!" Bardock ordered.
"Fine..." the voice said, as the person flew up and landed."But I must warn you; I've been to Earth before, and it didn't end well..." Raditz lamented.
The Z Warrior's gasped.
"You again!?" Piccolo's eye widened.
"Holy crap!" Yamcha gaped,"Isn't that the first Saiyan to invade Earth? Besides, y'know, Goku..."
"Very observant, whoever you are," Raditz replied bitterly, but not as bitter as when he turned toward Goku,"So, after all these years we meet again, little brother..."
At this, Bardock paused."What did you just call him?"
A sudden silence swept across the island, instilling in inhabitants with the climax of this expositional onslaught.
"h-Hang on..." Krillin raised a shaky finger to the oldest Saiyan."Didn't you just call Raditz your son?"
"And..." Piccolo continued "...he's Goku's brother...so doesn't that make you...?"
Goku's heart stopped beating for an instant as he beheld the older Saiyan that looked just like him."You..you're my..." he breathed.
The stunned Bardock's folded arms fell limp to his sides. It was no wonder this weirdly dressed Saiyan looked so familiar; this was the one he saw before he died, the one that defeated Freiza "...Kakarot...?"
Raditz whipped his head toward his father."You mean you're only just now putting it together!? For the love of Freiza, now I know I got my brains from Mother!"
"DAAAAAAAADDDDYYYYYYYY!"
Everyone's ear drums were shocked to near deafness as an orange blur slammed into Bardock, tackling him to the grass and pinning him there with its hug."I'd never thought I'd ever meet you! Grandpa always told me you were killed by the giant monkey that only came out during the full moon but then I found out I was the monkey the whole time, so then I was like 'oh my god, did I kill my father!?' but then I realized I was a Saiyan which meant you were Saiyan so that never happened THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE!" Goku shrieked with tears streaming from his eyes.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU BABBLING ABOUT!?" Bardock whaled."GET THE HELL OFF ME, YOU DAMN MAN-CHILD!" he roared in confused terror as he tried his best to break free from the younger Saiyan's loving embrace.
Raditz just watched, his arms crossed."Alright, I admit it: this is actually kind of getting to me, in a good way..."
"Speak for yourself," Piccolo looked away."When the hell do I get to meet my dad?"
"Aren't you and King Piccolo the same person?" Yamcha reminded.
"Shut up, Dickface!" the Namek barked.
What was originally meant to be a glorified birthday party for the Earth King's bear had quickly transformed into a celebratory banquet commemorating the sudden arrival of whom the ruler of the entire continent was now lavishing as a heavenly being. Tarble happily sat at Bosco's seat of the dinner table, fanned and pampered by beautiful women as he consumed world-class cuisine, and in the process gaining a more accurate sense of what is was like to be Beerus.
"Would you like another slab of char-broiled hippo-cow, Great One?" the Earth King asked while bowing.
"I could spare some room for a few more," replied Tarble with an heir of vanity,"and fetch some more 2,000 year aged wine while you're at it..."
"At once, my lord!" the king beamed, gleefully dashing away.
The Gaang sat lined up at Tarble's right hand, still trying to get over the complete 360 degree turn of events.
"Can I just take a moment to say, once again, I have no idea what's happening right now...?" Toph repeated.
"What I'm gathering from this situation," Katara gathered,"Is that Ba Sing Se views Saiyans a lot more different than Chin Village..."
"Are you referring to the fact that Tarble is being outright worshipped by the most powerful man on earth?" Sokka queried."I hadn't noticed..."
"Well, at least we've gotten into good graces with the Earth King," Aang noted,"We'll just talk to him later..."
"Yes, about that..."
Aang yelped, spinning his head back to see Long Feng standing behind him.
"Avatar Aang, in light of this development, I'd like to propose a deal," Long Feng began."If you wish to discuss your plans about the war, I would be more than happy to go over them with you myself, and supply everything you need to invade the Fire Nation."
"Why you?" Sokka asked."The Earth King's right over there," he said, pointing to the king, who was giving Tarble a foot rub.
Long Feng clicked his tongue at this."I'm sure that by now, you've noticed that my agents have been hindering your attempts to see the king up until this point. Well, let's just say that it was all in the best interest for the people of the city," he lied."The Earth King has bestowed oversight over the city's military solely on myself," he also lied,"Meaning that your interaction with him is unnecessary, and I will be happy to assist you in any way I can," he lied still.
"Literally everything you just said aside from you having control over the military is a lie," Toph stated."But whatever; the sooner we get out of this weird city, the better," she shrugged.
"I couldn't agree more," said Long Feng."And that is no lie."
"Right," Katara said."So, while your at it, could you tell us why the Earth King thinks Tarble is a god?"
"Oh, not your Saiyan friend in particular," Long Feng explained."It just so happens that your friend is of the same race as the one whom he actually worships - and that would be Vetega."
"Oh yeah!" Toph snapped her fingers."That's the goddess that my dad worships...wait, Vetega was a Saiyan!? I knew Vegeta's name sounded familiar!"
"I remember that too," Katara said,"But, why would anyone be worshipping a Saiyan? What about all that stuff about them invading the Earth Kingdom?"
"The Temple of Vegetarian tells a much different story," Long Feng elaborated,"according to their interpretation, Vegeta was a god, a god that descended from the heavens to enact his wrath upon Chin the Conqueror; afterwards, he fell in love with Avatar Kyoshi..."
"Yeah, that part I know, unfortunately," the current Avatar grimaced.
Long Feng eyed Aang intensely."Did you know about Avatar Kyoshi's daughter?"
If Aang had a drink, he would have spat it out."Waiter, can I have a drink?" after he was given a drink, he drank some, and spat it out.
"That's right," Long Feng nodded."Vetega was the name of Avatar Kyoshi's and King Vegeta's daughter."
Back on Kami's Lookout, the five that was then eight appeared exactly where they the five one stood hours before.
"How in Vegeta's name did you do that!?" Raditz demanded Goku.
The younger brother simply giggled and folded his hands behind his head."You've been gone a long time, Radtiz. You should go to Yadrat some time."
"Hey, Gohan!" Krillin called,"We're back! And you're not gonna believe who we brought with us! Say hello to your...!...Gohan...?" Krillin paused.
The half-Saiyan lied on the grass next to Mr. Popo, smoking white joints fixed into their lips.
"Y'ever wonder why there're Dragon Balls?" Gohan asked hazily, staring at the night sky."But not, like...Dragon Ovaries?"
"MR. POPO!" Krillin cried.
"What?" Mr. Popo said."When you're an offensive stereotype, you might as well go all the way..."
"Oh, hey, Dad," Gohan greeted lethargically, but then gasped "Oh no! Look out, Dad! It's Raditz!" he exclaimed. But then he paused."DAD!" he shouted excitedly, jumping into the arms of who he thought was his father.
"Uhhh..." Bardock stood there, as the baked child nuzzled his face into the man's chest.
"You shut up and hug your damn grandson," Krillin chided.
"Okay, the team's assembled, so what now?" Yamcha asked.
"I'd say it would be a bad move to use Instant Transmission to get to Planet Avatar," Piccolo stated,"If the void weakens us, then there'll be no coming back until the centennial, and we don't even know when that is."
"And it only lasts a day at that," Bardock reminded, reluctantly patting Gohan on the head."We're gonna need to go by spaceship."
"Keh, good luck with that," Raditz spat."This primitive world hasn't even gone past its own moon. You want a ship? We're gonna have to build one ourselves."
"Hey, don't underestimate us humans," Yamcha touted,"We know a guy who took Goku's spacepod and turned that into a ship the size of a house!"
"So where is that ship now?" asked Raditz.
Yamcha happily raised his finger..but then frowned."Vegeta took it..."
Radtiz scoffed loudly."Typical Prince Vegeta! Either abandoning or outright killing those deemed his closest allies whenever it convenient! Just like when he left me to die!" he grumbled as he stared at the clouds. He then gained a thoughtful expression."Speaking of which, whatever happened to my corpse?"
"Funny story," Krillin chuckled,"I went back to that place where you died the other day, and met this farmer who told me he threw your body into a wood chipper and used it for fertilizer for his carrot patch-"
A white aura enveloped the Saiyan...
"...I'll stop talking now..." Krillin resolved.
Piccolo exhaled."I think I've had enough for today; why don't we rest for tonight and meet up at Capsule Corp. tomorrow?"
"Great idea!" cheered Goku."Come on, Daddy! You and Raditz can stay at my place and meet Chi Chi and Ox King!"
"That's fair enough," Bardock crossed his arms."I could go for some ox milk right now..." he misinterpreted.
"I'm sure Chaotzu's worried; I should go." Tien decided.
"Back to Kame House for me..." said Krillin "...or what's left of it..." he lamented, recalling who's company his cyborg girlfriend was left in.
"Lead the way, brother..." Raditz sighed.
The group flew apart in their respective ways; Goku had to hold Gohan's hand to prevent him from flying under the influence. The only ones that remained were Dende, Mr. Popo, and Yamcha.
"...What, nobody cares where I'm gonna spend the night?" Yamcha threw his hands up."Screw it. Mr. Popo, toss me some weed!"
As Goku and his family soared along the way to Mt. Paozu, he his bright expression endured "I can't wait for you guys to meet my wife! She's scary, but she can cook like a mofo! We're gonna be one big happy family!"
Raditz's eyelids drooped."Do you ever...unsmile?"
"Only when my friends are murdered one by one beside me!" the younger brother beamed.
Though Bardock's gaze remained focused ahead, he couldn't help but smile as well. Here he was, flying next to his two sons and one grandson - four members of a race thought lost to time. Freiza thought he could wipe their race off the map, but he failed; the fact that Prince Vegeta was still alive and out their proved it. To add to his content were these "Dragon Balls"; perhaps he could persuade the Earthlings to wish Raditz and himself back to live permanently - he doubted they'd be willing to bring back the Saiyan race, but his family would be a wish thoroughly granted. But it was just a wish, thought Bardock; how different was he from his own savage people? Even he had to admit, he didn't deserve a second chance at life; and honestly, the underworld wasn't mush worse than his home world.
But his kid was still alive - Kakarot, the lower-class nothing with a power level of 2, that defeated Freiza, became a legend. Bardock was gonna protect that, protect his new family as long as he could, even if he had to walk right into the most forbidden place in the history of the Saiyans to do it. Speaking of which...
"Hey Kakarot," Bardock began.
"Yes, Daddy?"
The older Saiyan cringed - he was not going to get used to that."About the Void of Vegeta; you should know that I'm breaking a lot of sacred boundaries wanting to go there..."
"How come?" Gohan asked.
"Because Planet Avatar is the sight of our people's greatest defeat," Barock answered."Every Saiyan knows the story: a thousand years ago, long before we Saiyans had a homeworld, King Vegeta led our people to invade the planet and claim it has his own. But he and all the Saiyans were unceremoniously defeated by a being known as the Avatar."
"Avatar?" Goku repeated."Like 'Planet Avatar'?"
Raditz turn to his father."Excuse me? I'm a Saiyan, and I never knew this story. Did Nappa know?" he wondered."And all this time I thought he hated the East Galaxy because he was racist..."
"Guess our world's history was blown up with it," Bardock confirmed," they lost, and Planet Plant was conquered instead; and I doubt the void had nothing to do with it. Maybe we can finally find out where the hell that thing came from..."
"That was original the name of your homeworld?" Gohan asked, noting that, between Planet Vegeta, Planet Avatar, and Planet Plant, it must be very hard to come up with a creative name for a planet.
"There's this other tidbit I wanted you to know," Bardock continued,"five years before Planet Vegeta was destroyed, just after the Cold Force became the Freiza Force, my team caught wind of a rumor that a certain someone was also stranded on Planet Avatar; none of us dared to mention it with our scouters on, or else Freiza himself over heard it and had us executed..."
"Seriously?" Goku asked."This guy must have been important to Freiza. Who was he?"
In an isolated alleyway of Ba Sing Se, Jet was sent flying into a wall, and falling face first to the ground, his hand still clutching one hook sword. His trembling body pushed itself off the pavement, his hazy eyes baring blunted daggers at the offender.
"You stupid, stupid boy..." Cooler hissed, holding the other hooksword, and snapping the blade in half."All you had to do was walk away and mind your own business, instead of drawing attention to me like that."
Jet roared, and charged Zuko's body with a killing thrust of his sword, which shattered against Zuko's purple aura, after which he was seized by the neck, his legs kicking and dangling in futility.
"But you just had to be brave, you just had to stick your nose where it didn't belong; you just had to throw your life away for honor's sake!" Cooler fumed. But he hung his head and sighed."But honestly, I'm not angry with you in particular" he said, staring placidly "You just reminded me of a mistake I made in the past is all. But as with life, I grew stronger with that mistake, and it enabled me to redeem myself. And now, I have been given the opportunity to redeem myself all over again..." he sneered.
"Y-y...You..." Jet sputtered "...y-You're not Fire Nation...What are you!?" he managed to scream, before his face went blank, a purple glow lighting the alley. He was shot through the heart by a Death Beam.
Cooler dropped the body, staring down at the lifeless eyes with satisfaction."I am the rightful ruler of Planet Avatar."
P.S, that bit with Tarble and the guard was a reference to Robots.
R.I.P. Robin Williams