A/N: Hello, beautiful people. Got back from the SPN convention last night and IT. WAS. AMAZING! Being able to go back and forth with Matt and Jensen and not just the regular, "Hello, how you doin'?" I loved every minute of it!
Anyway, Chapter 14 is written differently. It's written in DEAN'S POV. Very different so hopefully, I captured DW's essence (maybe?) Let me know what you think (good, bad, ugly). As always, ENJOY!
Dean Winchester's POV
As Rae's eyes opened, I felt like I could finally breathe again. That tight coil of worry in my gut started to ease up, even if it didn't exactly let go completely. I kept my eyes on her, that knot of fear loosening just a bit, but it hung around, stubborn as ever. I leaned in close, making sure my voice was gentle, but couldn't hide the edge of concern that's been riding shotgun with me since she conked out.
"Hey, take it slow… How you holdin' up? How's the baby?" I kept my voice low, trying to play it cool while my mind raced about what could be off.
The moment her eyes locked with mine, I felt a quick hit of relief, but it vanished just as fast, buried under all the crap we still had to deal with. She placed her hand on her belly, worry flickering across her face before it quickly disappeared. As she started to sit up, my instincts kicked in. I reached out, steadying her gently, making sure she didn't push herself too hard, my hand resting on her ginormous belly. Everything else was uncertain, but I was damn sure gonna keep her safe.
"Easy does it, alright? No rush," I said softly, my hands ready to catch her.
The room was dead quiet, just us and this heavy, silence filling the space. Watching her trying to get her bearings, I was caught up in this mess of feelings—relief that she was alright tangled up with this constant nag of worry about when the other shoe was gonna drop.
Rae's eyes were flicking all over the room, confusion showing deep into her furrowed brow as she tried to make sense of where she was. She swung around to face me, her voice shaky, unsure. "What happened? How did we get here?" she asked, looking around what used to be just my room but had started to feel a lot more like ours these days. I felt that old, familiar twist in my gut, knowing I had to fill in the blanks and calm the storm of questions brewing in her eyes.
I paused for a second, relief washing over me along with a spike of anger—classic cocktail. But I kept my face steady, no cracks in the facade. "Heidi," I said, keeping it straight and simple. Inside, it wasn't that simple, but right then, the details had to wait.
Her confusion only got thicker. "What? How-She wasn't with us. It was just you, me, and Garth."
Hearing that, it felt like I was staring down a giant knot the size of Texas, each piece more tangled than the last. I wanted to scream, 'You seriously don't remember going completely nuts in the van, screaming your head off and nearly bailing out while we were moving? I was there, trying to drive and hold you back with one freaking hand. Don't you remember any of that?!' But I had to keep it cool for both our sakes.
I slid off the chair and perched on the edge of the bed, facing her. She looked so damn beautiful it hurt, knowing deep down she might never love me the way I needed, the way I wanted. Her hand reached up, cupping my cheek and holding it there, steady and warm. Without even thinking, I found myself leaning into her soft palm, soaking in that small bit of comfort. I could see the sympathy and concern swimming in her eyes as she looked at me. Her gaze lingered, her eyes softening, even as she struggled to find the right words. But she didn't need any. She stayed quiet, just giving me the space I needed. In that silence, in her touch, I found a safe harbor, just for a moment. I felt more exposed.
Without meaning to, thoughts of my dad crept in. He had thrown in the towel on chasing Azazel, settling into some cozy new life with his new family, looking like he didn't have a single care left in the world. That tore at me—enough that I made Gabriel wipe his memory clean: us, mom, Garth, everything that tied him to a hunters' life. After that, things changed. I just couldn't look at him the same way anymore, couldn't shake the feeling of what I'd lost and what I'd had to do.
To me, John Winchester might as well be dead. Part of me wanted to just tell Rae to forget all the crap that went down, to erase the pain and confusion I saw clouding her eyes, but I held back. Instead, I found myself asking, "Do you love him?" My eyes stayed locked on hers, searching, desperate to read any real sign of her feelings. It was a shot in the dark, but I needed to know, needed to hear it from her.
She tilted her head, looking like a deer caught in headlights, "Who are—"
"Rae…" I cut in, unable to stop myself as I reached out and gently took her hand. I needed that touch, that connection—even if it scared the hell out of me, what she might say next.
At first, I thought she was dodging the question, staying quiet and slipping her hand away from mine. She took a deep breath, her eyes drifting off somewhere distant. She knew who I was asking. "So it wasn't a dream," she started, tears beginning to fall. Man, I wanted to tell her everything was alright, but that'd be a lie—they aren't alright. I want her for myself, tired of always fighting the memory of him, his ghost. And you know what, actually fighting a real ghost is easier. A little rock salt, iron, maybe a lock of its hair—burn whatever ties them to this earth and boom, it's gone. But him… he's not so simple to erase.
Ever since that night at the bar, she'd been coming out of her shell slowly. Whatever tension between us, mellowed into something softer. We shared kisses here and there, ended up sleeping in the same bed—no sex, though. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to, but I wasn't about to push her. That's not my style. I wanted her alright, but only if she was all in, too.
I watched her, fiddling with the hem of our blanket, biting down on her lower lip like she was lost in some deep, heavy thoughts. Usually, that look would be enticing, but right now? Not so much. I can't take this anymore. I've held back so damn much, always pulling punches to avoid driving her away. But hell, I want her—all of her. I love her. Dammit! Why can't she see how much? And now, we're about to bring a kid into this crazy world. I want this family, more than I've ever wanted anything. It's us, it's gotta be us—against the world, together. Why's that so hard to see?!
"...I know we're supposed to be a team. It's supposed to be me and you against the world, right?!" The words echoed in my head, like something I'd said to some rando in the past, someone tall I don't even remember. But I pushed it aside. This isn't the time for that.
Before I knew what was happening, my hands were on her shoulders, pushing her against the bed. Her face was streaked with tears, confusion and fear mixing, but I couldn't let go, not now. "Reima, look at me! I'm right here, flesh and blood, lying next to you every night. I've always been there when you needed me. I love you! I've always loved you! How can you not see that?!" I blurted out, my voice rough with emotion.
"I've been head over heels for you since that night at that stupid college bar! What else do you need from me?! How do I get you to love me back?!" Everything I felt was pouring out, unchecked, unfiltered. "I can't even look at another woman without you messing with my head!" At that moment, I didn't give a damn about holding anything back anymore.
"If you don't love me, then just say it, damn it, so we can both move on!" The last part tore at me, but it had to be said.
"…you..." was all I caught from her. What the hell? My brows knitted together, eyes narrowing as I tried to piece together what she was getting at. I could feel my jaw clenching up tight. I think I caught what she said, but I needed to be sure.
"You what?" I asked, my voice sharper than I intended, eyes locked on hers without a blink. There was a tightness in my chest, a rare nerve I couldn't quite shake as I waited for Rae to answer, my heart pounding louder than I cared to admit.
She looked away from me, and damn, that really stung. But before I could even process what felt like a rejection—wham! Something whacked me on the head. "What the fuck?!" I shouted, my hand flying to my forehead. Next thing I knew, I was sprawled back on the bed, Rae somehow ending up awkwardly on top of me, her pregnant belly pressing down.
"I love you, you idiot!" she yelled, her long, black hair tickling my face as she totally blindsided me. Her slender arms shoved me back against the bed, her legs pinning me down. What the hell just happened?!
With her belly pressed against mine, I felt the baby's kicks, almost like he or she was saying, "screw you, dad!" Couldn't help but smile a bit. Little one got my spunk.
"God, that hurts!" she screamed, clutching her forehead. She sat up straight, legs still sprawled on either side of me. Does she not realize what she's putting me through?! I kept my mouth shut. Not much action happening, but I couldn't help enjoying the sight of her.
"I love you, okay?" she repeated as if staring into my soul. In an instant, I sat up, startling her. What I thought was going to be a romantic moment turned into a comedy show. Who knew kissing her with that pregnant belly would be so awkward?
At first, I went for it and then stopped. The next attempt, I went one way, she went the other. We locked eyes and just burst out laughing. Hell, I laughed even harder when she snorted. We probably looked like two idiots cracking up at nothing, but it was the release we both needed.
Then, out of nowhere, she stopped laughing and got off the bed. She stood at the end and signaled me to scoot over with her finger.
I gave her a suspicious look but went along with it. "Place your head right here," she mouthed, tapping the bed.
I tilted my head, confused. But, as usual, I did what she wanted. My head was hanging slightly off the edge of the bed. What happened next felt like something out of a movie. Can't remember the name, but it made me hot and bothered. She positioned herself above my head and brought her soft, sweet lips to mine.
A moan escaped my lips as we kissed. She bit my lip and slipped her tongue into my mouth. God, she knows how to push my buttons. She pulled back a bit, teasing me, which was definitely not nice. It's been almost a year, the longest I've ever gone without sex. Can pregnant women even have sex? She came at me hungrily, positioning herself on the side of the bed and turning my head sideways.
My brain was definitely heading south at this point. "Are you sure?" I asked, breathless, my hands cupping her face. Her libido was kicking into overdrive, ragged breaths escaping her, her hair blowing off her face. "Are you sure?" I repeated, louder this time, giving her head a slight shake.
"Yes!" she screamed, kissing me harder. Just as I was about to let my hands roam all over her, I heard loud, rapid footsteps and Garth yelling.
"Dean! Dean! Dean! The snake's awake!"