Notes : This chapter starts off fairly happy I think but does turn a little hurt and comfort.

Warning:There is slight mention of an Eating disorder but it's more Merlin working himself too hard he's not purposely trying to avoid eating.

Warning: There's also a little bit of self-harm which is through lip biting, however the intention is not to hurt himself but just to hold back his tears

Warning: hurt Merlin, worried Gaius, concerned /caring Arthur, mild arguing. (Everyone loves and cares about Merlin but Arthur's deaths still a tough subject for him)

if you think this will be triggering for you please skip to the end notes where I'll put a quick overview of the important parts of his chapter.

Otherwise I hope you enjoy:

Chapter 10: Preparation

Perspective Arthur:

Arthur's beginning to wonder if Merlin was even capable of putting himself first. It had been over an hour since he had set off to the kitchen, only to be on his fourth side quest: currently trying to help a frantic servant who's struggling with setting up the tournament arena.

"Merlin, i know helping people is within your nature, but you've got to make time to take care of yourself too, the Nobles will be arriving in 20 minutes and you've still eaten nothing today and hardly anything yesterday."

As far as Arthur's aware Merlin doesn't really get given any specific jobs anymore he just helps a little with everything- even non servant things - but that should mean he has more time to be taking care of himself not somehow less.

"Arthur relax, this is just how things get whenever there's a big event like this, I won't be the only servant who hasn't had a chance to eat yet today. Besides, I'm used to it by now." Merlin's voice was gentle and reassuring, yet his words only caused Arthur to worry more.

Taking a moment to process this information, Arthur just watched closely as Merlin and the other servant (who he's pretty sure Merlin referred to as 'Roger'), put up one of the tournament tents. Sure Arthur knew Merlin worked harder than he gave him credit for, but how had he not realised just how little he took care of himself? Or just how much he was doing for everyone else...Arthur should have given him more chances to rest at least following big events like this -maybe even a day off every now and then- Merlin surely needed it. Although now that raises another question, if Arthur had given him more chances to rest would Merlin have even taken them ? Or would he have just found more tasks to do and people to help... urg, that idiot was going to get himself killed one day.

When 'Roger' set off to the other side of the arena Arthur spoke up again "Merl..."only to be cut off by Merlin. "Hang on, how do you know how much I did or didn't eat yesterday Arthur, you wasn't there until that night." His tone wasn't accusatory, more smug with a little bit of curiosity as if he believed he just caught Arthur out, probably assuming that Arthur had just guessed he hadn't eaten yesterday but didn't actually know for certain.

Although Arthur had no intention of this being a secret( he and Merlin have had far too many of those) he doesn't know how Merlin would respond to knowing he's been watching over him this whole time, so instead he opps for a vague truth with some banter and hopes Merlin doesn't press further right now. "Who says that's the first time I got back ? after-all you can be rather oblivious Merlin"

Merlin opens his mouth to respond but cuts himself off instantly when he notices Roger return with some equipment to go inside the tent. After they finished setting up the last tent, Roger thanked Merlin for his help referring to him as "a life saver" then rushed off to finish his last tasks.

"perfect! now if you hurry you can grab a bite to eat just before the tournament starts." He knew by this point it was probably wishful thinking, but it's worth a try.

The look Merlin gave him was extremely fond considering all Arthur's been doing for almost the last 2 hours is pestering him about eating. Honestly Arthur had expected him to be annoyed about it by now and snap at him for it - but he hasn't.

"you know, I take back what I said last night, turns out your not as much of a 'prat' in the afterlife as I had thought." The mischievous look in Merlin's eyes didn't go unnoticed by Arthur, but he decided to bite anyway.

"no?"

"no... apparently you've turned into a mother hen instead - a very caring and overprotective mother hen" Merlin was very clearly holding back a laugh while saying this, however at watching Arthurs over dramatic responses Merlin couldn't keep it in any longer.

"I, Merlin, am the king of Camelot and the best fighter in this land, I am certainlyNot a 'mother hen'" at realising his response was what was making Merlin laugh Arthur decided to add a bit of extra exaggeration to it with his hands.

Once Merlin calmed his laughter he responded with a quieter, yet still teasing "could have fooled me" before opening the door to his and Gaius's chambers. This was the first time Arthur even realised they had been walking to here while they'd been talking.

Perspective: Gaius

"There you are, I was starting to get worried about you", this was a slight lie, Gaius had been worried sick about Merlin, but luckily Gwaine had stopped by last night to explain where Merlin was and what had happened. He was still so worried but grateful to know he was at least safe. However he knew how tough all of this had been on Merlin so didn't want to make him feel too guilty for Gaius's worrying.

As Merlin stepped further into the room Gaius pulled him into a tight hug whispering "I'm always here if you need to talk" softly into his ear.

"Thanks Gaius, and I'm so sorry for worrying you" after pulling away both men got to work sorting through all the medical supplies, setting up the room ready for multiple patients as well as some emergency supplies into a travel medical bag. They continued to talk while they worked. "I'm sorry I didn't get here to help sooner, I was hoping too but a lot of people were struggling with all the preparations for the tournament".

Gaius knew better than anyone just what Merlin does for this castle and this kingdom, even without Arthur here Merlin's somehow put even more pressure on himself to help everyone else and give no time for him to take care of himself. "My boy, when you are here I am your guardian, I know you are always busy taking care of everyone else, but as much as I appreciate your help please understand that it's my responsibility to look after you, not the other way around... besides I may be old but I'm certainly far more capable than people give me credit for" After speaking Gaius glanced a look towards Merlin and noticed the unshed tears in his eyes, ones Merlin was very clearly trying to push away.

"Thank you Gaius, and that you certainly are." They both worked quietly for a little bit before Merlin spoke up again. "Hey...uh Gaius?" Merlin's voice sounded unusually tentative, causing alarm bells in the older man's mind, despite this he kept his voice calm and open. "Yes Merlin?" There was another long pause before Merlin spoke again, Gaius noticed how Merlin kept looking towards the door during there interaction. "I was wondering, when Uther came back ... a_as a ghost he was able to interact with the world around him which he used to hurt people... is_ is that something all ghost can do ?"

Gaius was completely lost for words. That question had certainly come from no where. Unless...

"...yes Merlin, all ghosts can interact with things in their surroundings -once they figure out how to connect themselves to this world- often through a specific feeling or memory that bonds them to who they were. For example Uther could only interact with things when he felt anger..." Gaius paused for a moment realising he was giving way too much information to an idea he needs to shutdown.

"Merlin" he was careful to keep his voice safe and comforting, but needed the younger boy to look at him for this part, he needed his full attention. Only when Merlin's eyes met his did he speak again. "Merlin, you can't use your magic to bring Arthur back... I'm sorry. To do so would be incredibly dangerous not only for the kingdom but also for you and him... if something goes wrong it would be like Uther again, or worse..." looking at the pain and anger rising in Merlin's face makes Gaius realise that maybe he said the wrong thing, he knows this will be hard for Merlin to hear or understand, but he has to find a way to.

perspective Merlin :

Before Gaius could speak again Merlin stepped in, his voice cold and accusing "Arthur is Nothing like Uther Gaius! He would NEVER do ANYTHING to hurt his kingdom." Merlin knew he shouldn't be as angry as he was, but the thought that Arthur shouldn't be back, the thought that Gaius would compare him to Uther when he's done soo much to prove he's not... it made his blood boil. Although he knew that wasn't the only reason... the other reason he can't stand what Gaius is saying is because if in someway or another he's right about any of this, that Arthur being back as a ghost is unsafe for Arthur or the kingdom... then Arthur will have to go again, and Merlin cannot do that, he can't lose him again... he couldn't survive that. As these thoughts burned into his mind he felt the familiar sting of tears trying to fight there way out, he bit down on his lip, hard , just trying to force them down but no matter how hard he bit the tears wouldn't back down. He couldn't lose him again.

Arthur, as if hearing his thoughts stood next to Merlin now, whispering softly into his ear "it's okay Merlin, I'm here"

Somehow despite the words being so reassuring and kind it only made Merlin feel like crying more, because this is exactly what he's terrified to lose.

Gaius's voice came again, this time even gentler than before. "I know Merlin, I'm sorry to have suggested that" he paused clearly thinking through his next words carefully. "But this is dark magic we're talking about, when it comes to those kind of spells they often come with a price or consequence; one that's not always as simple as 'a life for a life' with this type of magic, you may find you bring back his body but not his soul... or risk loosing his spirt entirely... or even trading his soul for yours. There's soo many dangers that come with things like this, especially when you're emotionally distraught and grieving." Gaius slowly approached careful not to startle Merlin further, he can tell the boys closed in on himself now. "But Merlin... you will see Arthur again, remember... the prophecy states that Arthur will rise again, but you have to wait until the time is right."

The more Gaius spoke about the risks of bringing Arthur back the harder Merlin bit down. He was no longer angry at his father figure, for he knew that what he was saying was reasonable if Merlin was genuinely considering bringing Arthur back from the dead. However the thought of everything that could have happened to Arthur and the fact he didn't even know how Arthur was brought back, scared him ... if Arthur has gone through pain or trauma in coming back and Merlin hasn't been able to help or even asked...then Merlin hated himself. And yet that thought in the back of his mind still wouldn't budge the selfish thought of loosing him, it scared him more than anything.

Suddenly Merlin became aware of the strong metallic taste that filled his mouth, notifying him that his lip had now split from the biting. Seconds later there was a gentle tingling sensation in his hand. The sensation was one he had never felt before, he looked down to find the cause of the unusual feeling only to have all his previous thoughts and feelings melt away at the realisation of what it was. Arthur had held his hand.

Before he had the chance to process this new achievement of Arthur's, he was pulled into a tight hug from his mentor, causing Arthur's hand to slip out of his.

It took him a moment to register everything that's just happened, but once he did he wrapped his arms around his mentor, appreciating the hug and feeling guilty for his previous outburst. "I'm sorry Gaius", in response his father figure just hugged him tighter.

Before either of them could say anything further there was a knock from the chamber door.

Notes:

Thank you soo much for reading, I hope you've enjoyed the chapter.

sorry there's been a big gap; I went on holiday and things have been busy since getting back then I needed to get back into the story and find where I was going with it:)

if you think there's any trigger warnings I missed for this chapter please let me know and I'll add them to the top notes.

Overview =

Hi, if you needed to skip this chapter that's no problem at all. The only key things to know is Arthur's very overprotective and caring of Merlin; or is being a "Mother Hen" as Merlin calls it.

Gaius doesn't know about Arthur still but did tell Merlin how a ghost can interact with the human world, (which is through memory's and emotions ) so now Arthur can do that, which leads to him holding Merlin's hand.

Chapter ends in Gaius's chambers, Merlin helped him turn the room into a mini "hospital" incase people got hurt during the tournament, and then there was a knock at the door ... who ? That's what we'll find out in the next chapter

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