Disclaimer: Anything that rings a bell belongs to J.K Rowling
Chapter 10: Distraction
Suddenly and all together the roughness of the brick wall at his back descended on him and Sirius slid down until his bare skin rested against the cool floor of the Western Tower room.
His breathing hadn't caught up with him, yet the blonde at his side was already on her feet, bra and skirt in place, her nimble fingers making quick work with her silk blouse.
He propped his head up on his hand as he languidly stared up at the slim girl, her petite waist disappearing beneath the white material. Moments ago, his whole hand just about traversed the width of her bare back, she had always been slight, but the firmness of her rosy skin deterred the sickly connotation that usually accompanied girls who were waif thin.
He remembered the feeling of his fingertips enclosing a waist so tiny it seemed like porcelain to his touch, of deathly white skin, of scruffy, short brown strands that stood sharp against a feverish forehead, a girl full of sharp edges that cut him from within.
Sirius quickly sought distraction and focused on the blonde, "Your basking in the afterglow of our passion truly shows just how deeply you feel about our little rendezvous."
The girl sighed, her deep blue eyes sharp behind her square frames as she flipped her golden strands out of her collar, "Don't be needy Sirius. I thought I more than showed you how I felt about ourlittle rendezvous. You do re-call having to recast that silencing charm halfway through." She tilted her chin to the side in thought, "I wonder whether the charm's durability is dependent on the weakness of the caster or the strength of the sound."
He smirked, "Definitely the strength of the sound, who knew you had such a mouth on you?"
"Why? Because I'm a pureblood? Because I'm a prefect?" She leaned against the table behind her, the action hiking her navy-blue skirt up and Sirius' eyes roamed up her unnaturally bronze legs, it was a fad that was circling through the school and he didn't know how he felt about it yet. He liked a good pair of pins as much as the next bloke, but he felt oddly cheated if the result was achieved through magic. Some things shouldn't be tampered with.
"No, because it was of the calibre that could make a sailor blush." Sirius flexed his neck and leaned back against the floor and closed his eyes, his interlinked palms cushioning his dark hair. They were in an unused classroom in Ravenclaw Tower which he had discovered in his third year.
"Lucky you're no sailor." He heard the distinctive clack of heels as Selina Selwyn slipped on her black shoes that Sirius found he quite liked, the girl never wore anything so impractical during the day and he could only assume the towering pumps were for his benefit, "Can you see my other earring?"
He lazily opened an eye, more than content in just relaxing for a few moments rather than rushing off like she was known to do. Sirius wasn't complaining, majority of the reason that their arrangement worked so well was that she never hovered or wanted to cuddle or anything along the lines of emotional intimacy.
His hands slipped to the source of the discomfort on his thigh and unhooked the earring from his trousers. He offered her the hanging pearl with a cocked brow which she snatched up with amused eyes, they both knew exactly how it got there.
"I heard Evans little pyjama party was a success. I overheard Professor Flitwick telling Professor Trimble that the Gryffindor First years are as close as ever and are more settled in and grounded than any of their peers from the other houses."
Sirius frowned slightly, Selina and he never made small talk. For the past nine months ever since their first physical encounter at the annual Yuletide Ball at Malfoy Manor, he would receive instructions to meet her at random hours and places and they'd shag and go their separate ways.
It may have happened only a handful of times, but Sirius had formed an unlikely attachment to the girl. It probably had a lot to do with the fact that he had lost his virginity to her, or the fact that the girl was truly an active participant in bed, either way Sirius was unlikely to pass up these carnal opportunities.
Yet she was treading dangerous waters, he wasn't looking for a serious relationship, and he thought he had found a kindred spirit in the studious Claw. Pillow talk was not what he signed up for.
He frowned, he didn't mind being used as a warm body, but he did mind being used for intel, even against the likes of Evans, and he chose not to respond. The women in this castle were mad, or perhaps it was just the girls in his year, to pursue the position of something as rudimentary as being Head Girl with such zest, it was pathetic really.
Selina ceased waiting for a response she must have figured would not come, "Speaking of the activities of that night, I saw Daisy Hookum at Lucky's birthday party, she was looking decidedly put out by your absence. Don't tell me you skipped one of the better bashes of the year to play babysitter for Evans."
Sirius didn't react, his eyes remained restfully closed, Selina probably didn't even know how accurate her terminology was. He knew if she had an inkling that the night had gone so awry she would take the information straight to Dumbledore, pretending to be a concerned student rather than a ruthless go-getter seeking to ruin Evans good name. "I don't know whether you're expressing jealousy towards Daisy or Evans now Selina, please be more specific."
She snorted, "Neither, thank you very much." The silence beat on for a few moments and Sirius propped an eye open, hoping that she decided to leave. He was disappointed to find her looking down at him in thought. "I know that you ran away from home."
"You and the whole school." He drawled.
"On the contrary Black, you must know that it isn't common knowledge. Nobody except your family knows that you've left home."
He sighed, keeping his eyes shut, "I suppose my mother told your mother?"
"No, my mother hasn't the foggiest, and thank Merlin for it, she was quite banking that I'd shag you into submission and you'd one day choose me as a wife." She laughed. "Granted, I haven't completely given up on the idea, you haven't really run away from home, have you?"
"Unfortunately, darling, your intel is quite correct, so if you plan on sleeping your way into the Black name, you're barking up the wrong tree."
"I thought perhaps you might have changed your mind, come to your senses and returned home. And I had no doubts about the authenticity of my intel, siblings know these sorts of things."
Sirius opened his left eye, "Regulus told you that I ran away?"
"No need for such surprise Black, it's the duty of boyfriends to inform their better halves on such matters."
Sirius stilled, and slowly opened both his eyes, working very hard to keep the shock out of his tone, "What?"
Selina smirked, "Oh Black, you know me better than to have just one plan, and you know me better than to bark up the wrong tree, as you so eloquently put it." Her blue eyes roamed over his bare torso, "Even when the wrong tree is so deliciously put together."
Sirius' chest burned, he never recalled Reg even speaking to Selina let alone speaking of her. Then again Reg had stayed clear of his path these past two months at school… did he really just shag his brother's girlfriend… no…
"Oh, don't be sad. This little arrangement of ours need never stop. Reg is just a precautionary measure just in case you do end up being struck off the family tree."
Sirius straightened to his feet, clicking his belt closed and keeping the bile of disgust down, he couldn't let her see how much this news affected him, "How very Slytherin of you."
Her deep blue eyes brimmed with mischief and Sirius remembered just why he had snuck off with her at that party all those months ago, "You sound surprised. You know the saying, a true Slytherin never wears the green."
Sirius slipped on his shirt, suddenly eager to leave the girl, "You won't tell him." He muttered, hating himself for the way his voice quivered over the words. This was a line; a line he didn't even know he had crossed… surely Regulus didn't love her?
"Who?" She applied her lipstick in the dusty window behind them and Sirius bit back a growl.
"Regulus."
"Tell him about what?" She frowned momentarily and then her red lips gasped as she gestured to the spot on the floor that they had been writhing upon a few moments ago, "This? I'm the smartest girl in the year. Do you really think I'm going to tell a boy that I've been shagging his brother in the quiet? A boy I hope to one day be my husband. Plus, that's not exactly first date conversation is it, did I forget to mention we're not officially dating just yet, he asked me out to Hogsmeade tomorrow."
So, they weren't officially together, that minor technicality made him feel loads lighter, "Second."
"What?" She turned; her brows furrowed at Sirius as he walked to the door.
"Second smartest girl in the year. That honour still belongs to Evans."
Sheclackedher way towards him, her eyes mad with ambition. Sirius knew that many purebloods were indeed not happy with the fact that a girl of muggle heritage excelled in what they claimed as their world, the Selwyn's were no different, "For now."
And with a twist of her hip, she was flouncing down the corridor to her common room, her blonde hair bouncing amid the torches, leaving Sirius pondering just what his brother saw in the jarring girl and hoping that whatever it was would be quickly forgotten.
-x-x-x-
"What's wrong?" Sirius glanced up at the source of the question and stared into the greenish-brown hue of his best friend.
"Nothing at all." He sprawled across his bed, his muscles relaxed from the hot shower he had treated them to; it wasn't that his session with Selina was particularly strenuous, it was that he and James had done a pre-training run about the grounds before he went off to meet with the Claw, accumulating quite some stress on his body.
"Well, it's eight 'o clock on a Friday evening and you're in your pyjamas?" Even though Sirius couldn't see Remus, he knew he was frowning. "I assumed from the hour-long shower you just had, you were heading out?"
"You assumed wrong." Sirius glanced up at the scarlet four poster that was his roof, "Is my staying in ruining your sulking?"
"I am not sulking." He heard the snap of a large textbook and the rustle of sheets, "What is the matter?"
"Shutting yourself away for the past two weeks isn't sulking? Leaving the dorm just for lessons isn't sulking? You've become almost as reclusive as Devon these days."
Remus remained silent and Sirius straightened up to a seated position, his feet planted on the floor and his forehead leaning against his bedpost. He watched as his friend stared down at their carpeted floors, Remus' usually rigid posture slack as he leaned his elbows upon his knees.
"Moony, what happened to Devon was not your fault."
"Wasn't it?" He glanced up, his light brown strands framing his eyes, "I was so caught up trying to rile up Aiza, to get her off her guard with that stupid prank, that I brewed an illegal potion Sirius."
"That prank was our idea Moony."
"Does it matter?" He ran a hand through his hair, "I brewed the potion, that's how I thank Dumbledore for all that he's done for me? For giving me this opportunity… I convince his students become illegal anima-"
"No." Sirius stood to his feet quickly, "Don't do that! You always do that; you always bring it back to that. You always act as if James, Peter, and I have no say in the matter. That we didn't choose this! Moony if anybody is the one to blame for all this it's the sadistic bastard that attacked Devon. It's not your fault, it was a harmless prank-"
"A harmless prank that prevented Devon from getting the help that she needed Sirius!"
"But she's completely fine now. I waited and saw to it that she was back to working condition with my very own eyes!"
"It still doesn't change the fact that I did that! Sirius, the whole House knows what we did to the first years!" His voice was strangled with disappointment as he rose to his feet as well.
"Moony, you don't have to worry about anyone telling, nobody will tell." His voice was steely with confidence, "We've done hundreds of things and not a single soul in scarlet and gold has ever told on us!"
"Does that justify our behaviour, my behaviour!" He ran quivering fingers through his light brown strands, tossing it into uncharacteristic disarray, "Godric Sirius, I'm supposed to be the sensible one."
"Mate, you are!" He crossed the room to Remus, hoping that he could convince him that this wasn't his fault, that he could snap him out of the self-loathing state he had been in for the past fortnight, "If you left us to our own devices we would have fucked up that potion, who knows what would have happened to the lot of them, and the only person to blame for any of this is whoever attacked Devon."
"Something we've yet to find out… maybe we should tell McGonagall-"
"No, ifwecan't find out who did it, there's no way that McGonagall would be able to." They had been asking around, conducting their own investigation into the attack on Devon. "Plus, you heard… well saw the girl. She said she didn't want McGonagall to know. Everything worked out fine Moony!"
"Did it? Lily hasn't spoken a word to any of us in two weeks, Devon is still shut in her dorm all the time, Marlene keeps tossing me disappointed looks and Mary, poor Mary, looks like she's frightened sick that someone attacked her friend. And Aiza…" He scratched his neck, "She's avoiding me completely."
Sirius cocked a brow at his friend, "Are you sure? Because from the outside it kind of looks like you're avoiding her?"
The shorter boy wandered to the window, his back to the dorm, "I don't know… I suppose I forgot…"
"Forgot what?"
"That I can't. I can't be with her-"
"Moony-"
"No Sirius. You don't understand, apart from being completely out of my reach, and hypothetically speaking if she even did return any of my feelings… what can I do about it?" He turned, his face crestfallen, and Sirius walked towards him, "I can never lie to her,andI can never tell her what I am."
"Who you are Remus. Who." Sirius shook his head at his friend, "You're not a monster."
Remus just stared in response, stared at a spot above Sirius for a while before turning towards the star strewn night. Sirius knew Remus' doubts as clear as he knew his own. He knew that his friend looked in the mirror and saw a distortion of his true self, a beast where a boy stood.
He didn't know what they had to do to convince him that he wasn't some slight on nature. That he deserved to be happy. The moments ticked by in silence until his friend's voice, dripping with fake jauntiness, broke it.
"I thought your meetings with Selwyn brought you enjoyment."
Sirius allowed the change of subject. He didn't ask how Remus knew that he had been to see Selina, it was not a common enough occurrence that he could hazard a guess but somehow, he always knew. Sirius assumed it was due to the fact that Remus' senses always heightened as the full moon approached and perhaps he recognized her scent on him.
He sighed, knowing it was his turn to try a hand at honesty, "Regulus and her… are dating."
Remus turned around, his eyes looking a deep brown in the dimly lit room, "What…"
"He apparently asked her out to Hogsmeade tomorrow." He couldn't help the defensive tone in his voice as he leaned against the wall next to the window.
"Then they aren't officially… together."
"How does that make any difference?" He shrugged, "If Selina gets what she wants, and she almost always does, I would have slept with my brother's wife… what does that even make me?"
"I think you're getting a little ahead of the situation… marriage Sirius?"
He scoffed, "You don't know my family. Regulus is my mother's everything, the future of the Noble and most Ancient House of Black, their sole heir. Selwyn will be the first of many who throw themselves at him and Godric she's probably the one that ticks all mother's boxes and he'll just do what they say like he always does… fuck."
Sirius' hand found his eyes and he pressed his palm into them as if forcing the image out of his head, deep down inside he always had the hope that one day Reg would come around. That he would see the error of his ways, but he doubted that would be a possibility now if he realized that Sirius had been, albeit unknowingly, cavorting with his girlfriend.
"Sirius, you didn't know. Regulus wouldn't hold you to your past, to her past."
"Wouldn't he? Remus, he hasn't spoken a word to me in two months… eight weeks, not a word… and is it even his fault? What kind of brother have I been to him? I don't even know who he fancies? That he and Selina even were on those kinds of terms? And then I expect him to defend me. To follow me? I've completely failed him Moony, all he is, is because of me. He knows no better because I taught him no better."
Remus straightened up, his back rigid and his shoulders broadened as he took on Sirius' worries, "Padfoot, you speak as if Regulus is a child. He is mature enough to make his own decisions, you can't blame yourself for the choices that he makes."
Sirius took a deep breath and turned around, staring at the inky black sky. He didn't speak about Regulus often, if at all, because he wasn't entirely comfortable with the fact that his brother's abandonment affected him to this extent, and in all honesty his guilt ran deeper than unknowingly sleeping with his brother's soon to be girlfriend.
Sirius always felt guilty that he had left Regulus to be moulded by the likes of his parents, his aunts, and uncles… Bellatrix. He was so caught up, running off to James' house, making plans with Remus and Peter that first holiday after Hogwarts, he never stopped to think that he was leaving anybody behind. And before he knew it, the boy that had mirrored him physically all his life, who tagged along behind him, who mimicked his every action… was a complete stranger to him.
He felt a hand on his shoulder, and he didn't shrug it off, concentrating only on his friend's steady palm at his back as the night breeze attacked his hair.
He cleared his throat, turning about with a smirk on his lips, "This is ridiculous. What does it even matter? Regulus isn't going to find out, she won't tell him."
"I won't tell him."Sirius left the thought unspoken as he tried to chase away the damnable dark atmosphere that seemed to be crippling them both.
Remus nodded in contemplation, almost as if he could read Sirius' thoughts, "And they might not even last, it's just a date Padfoot."
"You're completely right. As per always, Moony!" Sirius leaned against the opened window, the cool air biting at his back, "You know what, screw them! Screw them all. Selina and Shafiq, the whole bunch of them! I say we go to Hogsmeade together, just the mates, just like old times! No dates, no having to deal with Madam Puddifoots shitty tea and having to visit Gladrags! Just you, me, James and Wormy!"
Remus grinned as if Sirius' faux bravado was contagious, "You speak as if we don't sneak off to Hogsmeade at least once a week."
Sirius laughed, "This isn't sneaking, this is a statement to the female population of this blasted castle that if they don't get their panties out their deliciously pert rumps, they are not going to undergo the once in a lifetime experience that is dating yours truly!"
"And what a humbling experience it is," Remus chuckled sarcastically, his eyes dancing in thought, "I suppose, it would be nice. I was planning on staying in… but yeah… I think I like it."
"Like what?" The pair of boys turned to the entrance as James and Peter walked in, James already pulling off his sweat drenched shirt whilst Peter hurried to the bespectacled boy's bed and lay James' broom down in its holder.
"Sirius and I were just discussing the Hogsmeade trip tomorrow."
"Brilliant." James pulled off his track pants and grabbed his towel, the red quaffles on his black underpants magically chasing each other about, "I was just about to talk to you about that. How about a double date?"
Remus' brows rose as Sirius walked forward with a grin as his best friend stared him down in determination, "A double date?"
"Well Moony said that he isn't going tomorrow." James nodded at Remus, "And I know you always have a date lined up."
"Yeah but-"
Sirius raised his hand in front of Moony and hastened to James, "She actually said yes. Evans?"
"Evans? No." James shrugged, slapping the towel over his shoulder as he busied himself with removing his glasses, "Whose talking about Evans, I asked Cassie. I contemplated us going alone but I figured it might help defeat the awkward first date jitters you lot talk about if… well… there's another couple."
"Well Brilliant!" Sirius gasped, grabbing his friend by the shoulders, "Absolutely bloody fantastic. And you know what defeats the awkwardness that much more! Two more couples, we'll make it a group date!"
"Sirius-"
"Moony did you not hear that our best friend just asked one of the hottest, fittest, nicest girls in the whole Seventh year out on a date scheduled for tomorrow?"
"You'll come too?" James grinned at Remus expectantly, "Not that I want to make a big deal of it or anything… but you know…" He trailed off, running a hand through his unruly hair.
"Of course I'll be there." Remus chimed in, "It sounds like fun."
"It will be. Cassie's… really good. She's the best seeker in the whole school! She's on brilliant form. Remember, she caught the snitch in like five minutes last week, Regulus barely had his broom in the air by the time she nabbed it, who could ask for a better kick off match."
"And she's hot, like the best derriere in the whole school!" Sirius added enthusiastically.
James laughed heading towards the bathroom, "That definitely doesn't hurt."
As he shut the door behind him, Remus turned to Sirius, "What happened to making a statement!"
"What bigger statement can you possibly make! Prongs is going on his first date Moony, his FIRST date. He's finally over that ridiculous fascination he has on Evans, and I for one plan on doing everything humanly and inhumanly possible to show Prongs just what he has been missing all these years."
Remus sighed, and glanced at the door and whispered, "You do know that he isn't over her… he's just trying to… distract himself."
Sirius shrugged as the sounds of the shower filled the room, "A little distraction never hurt anybody, I find that it quite does the opposite. Now if you're done worrying, Moony, I'm off to find one for myself, and I suggest you do the same."
"I suppose I should go too… find a date for tomorrow." Peter sounded as if he was announcing his journey to the gallows and Sirius turned to the boy with a smirk.
"It's okay Wormy, I'll take care of that."
And with a wink at the short boy, he sauntered out of the room in pursuit of distraction.
A/N: So, I know people won't be happy with this chapter, especially those who ship James and Lily, it's just that these are the steps that need to be taken for the happy ending, and I hope that you don't mind too much how windy the path may be.
Feedback as always is greatly appreciated.
Thanks for reading,
Kalina