A/N: Well here we go, Chapter 9. So an announcement for those of you that read The Burning Nightmare. Recently Ace of Spies got me motivated to write again. I think I know what I want to do and it is going to be epic. This chapter is a little shorter than normal. I normally throw on an episode of Battler's Review to extend the chapter and show what May and Barry are up to. This chapter though is just Ash and Dawn. I know some of you were hoping to see a battle royale between Misty and May, which is going to be next chapter.
Chapter 9: These old feelings
"And there it is folks! Ash Ketchum made it through this elimination match but it was an uphill battle for him the entire time. The fighting spirit we saw in the battle with Blaine just seems to be completely gone." The announcer commented as he looked out upon the crowd.
"It was like an entirely different person was battling out here today. This makes the third match that we seem to be watching an entirely different Ash out on the battle field. I don't know what happened in between the match with Blaine and match after but he better get his act together. The tournament reaches its half-way point next week and with it the finals. If his head isn't in the game he will definitely be eliminated." The announcer went on.
Ash glanced up at the announcer with some measure of spite in his eyes. As if the announcer had any idea what was happening to him. Every day was a struggle just to get out of bed. It took all of his energy to pay attention to the battle on hand. Even he knew he had made mistakes this entire match, it hadn't helped that the announcer felt the need to point out every screw up.
"Thanks Torterra, return and rest up." Ash held out his pokeball and let the red beam recall the giant turtle pokemon. The only reason he had made it through was Torterra. Due to his inaction or just plain miscalculations he had almost been swept right out of the match. Gible and Oshawott were taken down with little trouble from the other trainer. Honestly he didn't even remember the other trainer's name. Hell he couldn't even remember the one from last week either it was all just a blur.
Pikachu glanced up at his trainer with a hint of worry in his eyes. The small electric type hesitated a moment before bounding up to his spot on Ash's shoulder.
In a breach of etiquette, Ash walked off the field without even shaking hands with the other trainer. He heard the announcer as he walked down the service tunnel towards his ready room. A slight cringe made it to his body he knew that Gary would give him hell later, Dawn too.
Ash walked right by his locker, he hadn't brought anything anyway. In fact he hadn't even prepared for the match. He had just grabbed the pokeballs that had been the first in the storage system he could find. Luckily the reporters were still on the field and probably had expected him to wind down in the trainer's ready room before coming out.
He absently scratched Pikachu's head with his right hand as he passed through the small groups of people that were hanging out watching the match on the TV since they didn't get in early enough to grab seats.
"Have a nice rest of your day Mr. Ketchum!" Nurse Joy called out as Ash passed her by.
"You too." Ash gave a halfhearted reply along with a weak wave as he made his way out of the stadium and into the Indigo Plateau complex. His hand reflexively moved to his jacket and pulled it a little closer to him. Fall came early to the Plateau being so high up in the mountains. For good measure he pulled his cap down a little in an attempt to keep incognito. Not that it would really help, how many people had a Pikachu that rode around on their shoulder.
He didn't really know where he was going. In fact he didn't even both changing direction. He just started walking. It took him a while to get out of the complex but once he was out he found himself heading out of Indigo again and down the road. This time he wasn't leaving…not for long. The thought of taking a mini vacation though was appealing. It wasn't like he had any matches until the remainder of the elimination matches were over anyway.
"Pika…" Pikachu questioned with a slight twitch of his one ear as the pair made it further and further away from Indigo's main complex.
"Just gotta go somewhere to think for a while buddy, Gary has been constantly following me around like a demented nurse maid." Ash chuckled as he just continued walking down the trainer's path towards the end of Victory Road. He had no intentions of entering that demented cavern of terror so soon after his trip through with Gary only a few weeks ago. A slight shudder ran down his spine, so many Zubats...
"You got that right, I haven't been able to spend any time with him." A voice interrupted his internal musings.
"Dawn? What are you doing all the way out here?" Ash asked in a hint of confusion. He strained his eyes in the dying day light to see the blunette coming up the path from Victory Road. It was a bit of a surprise to see anyone out this way with all the matches going on back at Indigo.
"I was hoping to find a new pokemon or two out this way that I could use as a surprise for my upcoming match." Dawn responded with a slight smirk. "Not all of us can be a zombie through our matches and make it through elimination matches on pure luck."
"I haven't exactly been in the mood to battle as of late." Ash responded dryly, at the look of pity that crossed Dawn's face, Ash started to internally curse at Gary. Misty probably hadn't said a word but Gary probably sang like a canary.
"Look…I just…" Dawn started in an attempt to somehow soothe Ash's temper away.
"It's fine…look I just don't feel like dealing with it right now." Ash responded with a shrug that was too casual. "So find anything good?"
Dawn gave Ash a look that suggested she didn't believe one word he said but she was willing to change the subject for the moment. It was weird seeing Ash in a funk like this. Normally he had two settings eternally and possibly unrealistically optimistic or irrationally angry.
"Just some Zubats and a few Onyx…nothing worthy of my time." Dawn sniffed in a faux haughty disdain over her findings.
"I could have told you that, what'd you think you were going to find, some kind of legendary creature lurking in the cave?" Ash responded with a slight roll of his eyes. "I'm fairly certain I told you all about my travels through Kanto while we traveled together."
"You weren't the most observant person back then." Dawn pointed out with a roll of her eyes. "I had hoped you had just missed something truly awesome."
"Right…" Ash responded with a scratch of his head. Seriously how would he have missed a pokemon? At that age his life pretty much consisted of pokemon, eating, and when he had enough time sleeping. Rinse and repeat.
The two fell into a comfortable silence as they just stood there on the path. Dawn continued to stare intently at Ash trying to figure out a way to bring up her concerns while Ash was content to just stare up at the stars that were coming to life above them as the fading sunlight slowly gave way to the moon.
"So what brings you out this way? Didn't you have a match earlier?" Dawn's eyes widened as she took in his completely dejected posture. Shit had he lost his latest match? Gary had informed her that Ash hadn't been doing that great in the last two battles.
"You didn't lose did you?" Dawn ventured in a slightly nervous tone. She wasn't sure if she could stop him if he was just going to walk off and disappear on them. It wasn't like her fears weren't unfounded. Only this time he wouldn't run back to Pallet Town. He'd just disappear like the wind. If there was one thing he was good at, it was hiding when he wanted to be alone.
Ash almost chuckled at the panicked look that Dawn was currently wearing. "I won, ye of little faith. Of course you'd have known that if you'd have been there."
"I can't be bothered with such minor things as an elimination match." Dawn waved him off his a faux haughty tone. Internally she was really relieved. It was something that Gary said could happen the way things were going lately. "No worries, I'll be there for the big ones."
"Any chances you'll show up in your cheer leading uniform?" Ash queried with a smirk.
Dawn's face went beet red for a moment before she ended up huffing in annoyance. "You've been hanging around with Brock way too much. Way to turn an innocent way for a friend to cheer on another friend into a perverted fantasy."
"Heh..heh…sorry." Ash grinned as he scratched the back of his head. With a wave of his hand he gestured to her body as he continued with his thought process. "I guess it has been way longer than I thought…besides you probably wouldn't fit into it anyway."
"Pervert!" Dawn responded with a scandalized look. Really it was something she expected from Brock but Ash?
"What? I just mean you've gotten a lot taller. I mean that was what like six years ago or something?" Ash responded with a confused look on his face much to Pikachu's annoyance. The small electric mouse just shook his head in disbelief.
"I take it back…you're as clueless as ever." Dawn responded with a laugh. "Remind me how you became a CEO of a major restaurant chain?"
"Har, Har, Har." Ash groaned. He grinned a little. It had been too long. This was nice talking to Dawn again. "So…you and Gary…how'd that start?"
"Honestly…it was kind of funny. We met up again while I was competing in a regional tournament. He happened to be a judge. I guess someone recognized him as Professor Oak's grandson and roped him into it. I won and he recognized me from when you and I met him in Sinnoh. He started to follow me around like a little lost puppy." Dawn laughed.
"Huh…now that is something I'd pay to see." The thought of Gary chasing after a girl was a new concept to him.
"I actually enjoyed it. After Paul it was nice that someone was showing some genuine interest in me." Dawn commented as she glanced up at the sky. The stars were finally starting to blink into existence. The last vestiges of daylight had finally retreated over the horizon. Sometimes she couldn't believe how things had changed in just the past few years.
"So where have you been hiding yourself the past couple of weeks. You never really seem to be at your room and the only time you ever show up is for your matches. I was kinda getting worried you had left again." Dawn wondered aloud as she continued to stare up at the stars. Something told her it'd be best not to pry too much but she was interested in what had happened to her friend further than Gary's summarizations.
"Mostly been camping out on the outskirts of Indigo, I just…well after what May said…I just wasn't in the mood to deal with any of the fall out." Ash shrugged helplessly. Honestly he couldn't really explain why he ran away from his problems again. The entire point of Gary dragging him back was to make him interact with his friends again and get back into pokemon battling. Once again he just found himself pulling away from it all. Maybe he really wasn't cut out for it like he thought he was.
"I'm just thinking about…I don't know…"
"Don't tell me you're going to leave us again." Dawn cut in with a stern tone. She understood where he was going with his thought process. This entire situation sucked. Here he was coming back and finally starting to be himself again and May just broadsides him. First she surprised everyone with the child thing and then she goes mental on him at a restaurant.
"Well…" Ash chuckled nervously as he scratched the back of his head.
"You're unbelievable." Dawn threw her hands into the air before she turned on Ash with a glare. "Do you even know what you've put us all through? I mean I get it…hell after you left I didn't know what to do at first. I was wandering around aimlessly. Then I realized something…you were always the groups heart. When the rest of us wanted to stop, it was you that pushed us on. Every time you failed you just dusted off your jacket with a smile and tried again. That insufferable optimism was contagious."
"I kept on going after you left because I knew it is what you'd do. You were the fearless one. You chased your dream far from home and never looked back. You always looked to the future and you never hesitated. If not for you, well I'm not sure I would have made it past my front door." Dawn chuckled a touch of a smile ghosting across her lips. "Those really were the best days of my life."
"So I see I still rate higher than Gary." Ash cut in with a small smirk at Dawn's words.
"Jerk!" Dawn swatted at him with a smile on her face. "You know what I mean."
"I guess we just never thought you'd get tired of it. I guess once you left I kept going knowing it was what you'd want. I knew if you ever came back to Sinnoh you'd have been disappointed to hear that I had stopped working on becoming the Queen of Sinnoh." Dawn continued as she glanced at Ash to make sure he was still paying attention. The boy still had the attention of a goldfish sometimes.
"When I heard you'd given it all up…well I almost gave up as well. Then when I tried to talk to you well it was like talking to a brick wall. I just couldn't wrap my mind around it. You were my mentor and you had given up. If you couldn't achieve your dream, if you didn't think it was worth it and found your time better spent running a corporation. Well, what hope did I have?" Dawn looked at Ash with askance.
"Dawn…I didn't really think you thought of me that way. I mean I really enjoyed our time traveling together but when we left you were happy…I guess I was foolish to think it'd last." Ash scratched the back of his head absently. It had never really occurred to him that people looked up to him. It was an odd feeling to actually hear someone tell him that. Sure, Gary always went on about it but that was Gary.
"Of course I was happy idiot, I was happy for you. At that moment I saw my mentor living his dream. You were always your happiest when you found out about a new challenge." With a light smack to Ash's arm, Dawn let out a laugh. "You really are an idiot you know."
"Hey!" Ash yelled in response.
Dawn waved him off with a smile. "You just never seem to realize how much people look up to you. I mean only you could gain the respect of a Legendary pokemon and shrug it off like it was no big deal."
"Well ya know…they came to me." Ash shrugged helplessly.
"You know who probably looks up to you the most." Dawn dropped her voice to a stage whisper as she let the suspense build. Of course she realized that with Ash it was probably lost but she could dream couldn't she?
"No…who?" Ash queried with a confused look on his face.
"Gary." Dawn revealed with a smirk at the look of surprise on Ash's face.
"Really? I mean I know he said that he was disappointed in me and wanted me to live for my dreams but I didn't think he'd really ever look up to me. Besides he's almost ready to take over for Professor Oak. Why would he look up to me?" Ash shook his head in confusion.
"Because in some twisted way he sees you as a way to fulfill his childhood dream." Dawn shook her head with a smile. "He wanted to become a pokemon master. It didn't happen all at once but he slowly realized he'd never have the skill you have…although getting it out of him is like pulling teeth. He's still under the delusion that he is letting you have this one since he is such a great researcher and it'd be unfair to be both a great researcher and a pokemon master."
"Typical Gary." Ash chuckled. Despite how much they had grown up, their childhood rivalry was still there.
"I guess it's always been unfair in a way to put all this pressure on you but you've always kept us all going. It is time for us to do the same for you. I just want to be there for you like you were there for me! Think of me as your friendly neighborhood therapist." Dawn grinned as she shot Ash a victory sign with her left hand.
"So glad that participating in contests has finally yielded you a degree in therapy. We could talk about how coordinating attacks with my pokemon can really dampen those emotional scars from childhood." Ash deadpanned.
"You have definitely been around Gary way too long. You're starting to sound like him." Dawn teased back with a slight smirk resting across her lips. With an exaggerated flounce she dropped to the ground and laid on her back looking up at the stars. They were far enough away from the lights of Indigo that it really felt a little like the old days. The only thing missing was Brock.
"I do not." Ash responded in a petulant tone. He glanced down at Dawn but didn't make a move to join her. If he laid down he had a feeling he'd fall asleep. The past few weeks hadn't been too kind to him and his ability to sleep was shot. Recently he averaged two to three hours if he was lucky.
"Umm hmmm." Dawn hummed in agreement to humor Ash. The light prickle of the dying fall grass felt nice against her skin. Winter would be here soon and she'd have to start dressing in something a little more practical than a running skirt and a sleeveless vest. For now the autumn breeze felt nice. While most people in the Kanto region were bundled up and wearing heavy coats, Dawn was perfectly content being from Sinnoh which tended to be colder.
"Well the offer still stands." Dawn prodded verbally.
Ash let out a defeated sigh as he shifted his weight. Absently he scratched the top of Pikachu's head as he contemplated his options. "You're really not going to let this go are you?"
"I'm here to help unless you want me to send Gary out here and tell him you were really mean to me." Dawn offered with a laugh. "I could even throw in a few tears and tell him you made me cry."
"Last time I checked emotional extortion wasn't the solution most therapists used to get their clients to talk." Ash responded dryly.
"Well good thing I'm not a real therapist then!" Dawn responded cheekily.
"You just got done telling me you'd…you know what never mind it really isn't worth fighting you on this." Ash shook his head with a slight smirk resting across his lips.
"You can be taught!" Dawn uttered a fake gasp as she clutched her heart and wilted further into the ground. "Gary always says you're the slow learner yet it took him a good six months to learn that it is easier to give into my will."
"Stubborn as ever." Ash muttered, a touch of amusement in his tone.
"Learned from the best." Dawn responded cheekily.
"Are you sure Gary isn't just with you because he secretly wants to be with me but settled for my protégé." Ash prodded with a slight smirk.
"Please, Gary loves me way too much." Dawn laughed a loud at Ash's train of thought.
"Too much information." Ash responded with a small cough.
"Besides if he was into men he could get someone way better looking than you." Dawn responded. "Despite his flaws he is a really great guy."
"Debatable but I guess as long as you're happy." Ash let out a long suffering sigh.
"That's right!" Dawn grinned up at Ash from her place on the ground. For good measure she flashed a victory sign again. "Now when are you going to hurry up and tell me what's been bugging you. I'd really like to start seeing both you and Gary again."
"Fine, fine, you win." Ash put his hands up in surrender which caused Pikachu to have to shuffle a little on Ash's shoulder just to stay on. The small electric mouse gave a slight glare at his trainer for daring to move him.
"May just hit a sore spot. In a way I can't blame her, not like anyone really knows other than Misty and Gary." Ash left off the fact that Gary had probably informed Dawn of at least the basics. The Blunette had a thing for gossip and she loved knowing everything about everyone.
"True…even after traveling with you for almost a year in Sinnoh, the only real information you ever shared was about your pokemon adventures. If not for Brock I'd no nothing more of you than the fact you were from Kanto and you'd placed in Kanto and Hoenn." Dawn responded thoughtfully. Despite how Ash was open regarding his hopes and dreams, he never really spoke often about anything before he left for his travels.
Ash chuckled a little at Dawn's assessment. It was fairly accurate and to the point unfortunately.
"I was an accident. My mother of course was elated but my father left shortly after I was born. He couldn't stand me and what I did for the plans he had for his life. I was never part of the equation in his life. Back then though, back then she didn't want to tell me the truth. So she told a little white lie. She said he was out on his own adventure far far away." Ash chuckled darkly.
"Little did I know he was right here in Kanto the entire time. In fact the only reason I ran into him in the first place was due to the fact he had settled down as a gym leader. When we met and he realized who he was and I realized who he was…well I guess I was just a naïve kid thinking it'd be a tearful reunion." Ash shook his head in annoyance at the small pinpoint tears coming to the corner of his eyes.
"Things didn't go as planned, at least not for me. Damien looked at me like I was an interesting science project. He tore me down so fast." Ash blinked his eyes a little faster, just thinking about that day brought a tiny tremor to his entire frame. "I don't know if he was more disappointed in what I had become or the fact I existed. I think in a way he resented me for achieving what he couldn't. I made it further than he ever had and I was still young."
Ash released a pent up breathe that came out as more of a shudder. "All I know is that I vowed to never be like him. I would never put my dream above my family."
"I guess maybe I'm more like him than I thought." Ash laughed mirthlessly. "I put something that I didn't even truly love above everyone. I abandoned Sam just like Damien abandoned me. Even worse I abandoned my family. I let you all down. While I continued working towards my goal of expanding Pallet Town, I left a little girl without a father." He tilted his head back to stare up at the sky. At this point he wasn't even paying attention to Pikachu's mournful noises.
"Just stop it." Dawn cut in before Ash could go on any further with his little pity party. "Do you really think that about yourself? Do you really think that one man's opinion should shape the rest of your life? Sounds pretty god damn stupid to me."
Ash blinked in surprise as he settled down a little and took the time to look Dawn in the eyes. The girl had pulled herself up from the ground and was glaring at him.
Without waiting for a response Dawn continued on as she drew herself closer to Ash. "So who's opinion is more important Ash? Some asshole you met once that is jealous of what he could never become or your friends? Tell me Ash, who's opinion matters more…his or mine?"
"Dawn…" Ash complained as he attempted to back pedal.
"Who's more important?" Dawn all but screamed as she advanced on Ash, her finger finding Ash's chest and she made sure to prod him painfully. "You want to know my answer? If that'd help you figure it out and get your head out of your ass finally you stubborn jack ass!"
"My friends are the most important thing in the world to me!" Dawn felt tears start to form at the corners of her eyes as she continued to prod Ash and push the young man back. "They matter the most because they supported me no matter what! My father died Ash! He died when I was young. He had a medical condition. It was always a matter of time. My mother knew it was coming but she couldn't prepare for it. He always told me No need to worry. That he'd always be there in my heart."
"You know how much that helped me after he passed?" Dawn nearly shrieked as she slowly began to lose it. "It didn't Ash! It didn't help at all. Not at first. My friends though…they helped and while I met you a long time after he passed, you helped me the most by being my mentor. In a way you've always been my father figure. Now answer me Ash, whos opinion is more important?"
Ash's eyes widened at the information dump that Dawn had just gone through. Had he really made that much of a difference to the girl? For him it had always been fun and games. Sure there were a few times that he had to pick her back up off her feet with the help of Brock but she had always been so cock sure.
"Your opinion matters the most Dawn, you and everyone else that has always supported me all of these years even when I was a massive idiot." Ash finally relented with a small smile as he drew his friend into a hug. It was an odd feeling. To know that he had such a large impact on Dawn's life, to him it had been a year traveling with a promising coordinator to fulfill his dreams. To Dawn it was forging a relationship with someone she saw both as a role model and father figure. It was an odd feeling really but when he thought of it, she did seem to share a good deal of his quirks.
"Of course you're an idiot, the only bigger one is Gary." Dawn managed a watery laugh as she finally pulled away from her friend a teary smile on her face. Maybe the real Ash she knew back in Sinnoh was finally coming back. She had half a mind to go find May herself and berate the woman but from what Misty had informed her, well it had been taken care of and then some.
"What'd Gary do now?" Ash asked in confusion as he took a moment to study his former protégé.
"Ignored me to go chasing after a taken man." Dawn replied with a smile.
"In his defense, I am pretty unresistible." Ash was starting to feel better. In fact this was the best he had felt in a long time. Just spending time with Dawn like the good ol' days. The only thing that was missing was Brock but maybe it was time to get the group back together. He still had to talk to Max, Cilan, and Iris.
"You keep telling yourself that and maybe one day it'll come true. Honestly, your daughter is lucky that she took after May." Dawn shook her head in sympathy. The mere thought of a girl with Ash's face sent shivers down her spine.
"Where did all that emotional support disappear to." Ash responded dryly.
"Disappeared about the time you started grasping at straws." Dawn commented with a hum as she started to walk back towards Indigo. After a brief moment she paused before looking back over her shoulder. "You coming?"
Ash shook his head a little. "Nah, I'm gonna stay out here a little longer. I got some strategizing to do."
"For the next match?" Dawn asked with a tilted head.
"No, I need to figure out how to apologize to Iris before she attacks me."
"Good luck with that. Well if you need to get bandaged up I hear May had a pretty cute nurse's outfit." Dawn responded with a wryly smile.
"Not helping Dawn." Ash responded with a wave of his hand. He watched as the younger girl disappeared across the ridge before turn turned his attention back to the stars. Maybe it was time to stop living in the past once and for all. There was a lot of work to do and if he didn't stop wallowing in should haves and possibilities his future was certain. He'd end up like his father. That was not something that he wanted to be.
A/N: Well hope everyone liked the chapter. Next chapter will cover more of what happened immediately after last chapter. Let me know what you think. Reviews are greatly appreciated!
Ace of Spies: Thanks again for the reviews and I hope you continue to enjoy where the story goes. Thanks for the motivation as well.
Das Machmobil: Glad you're enjoying the story, hope I can make this a good basis for other anti-betrayal stories in the future!
Supermoe11: If you'd like to subsidize my writing I'll give you the address for the checks =P
AdvancedLover: Yeah I agree I may have gone too far with May's reaction but hopefully I'll reel it back in next chapter when you see May's perspective and also Misty's correction. Hopefully you catch it and hey look almost an exact month since my last post…almost.
Tighe Sofly: I am going to try to do better at rotating my stories coming up. I will probably be rotating between three if not four if I get motivation for my fourth story so it may still end up being once every few months.