I stared at the woman in horror. "What...did you do?"

"Tried to save a bunch of humans, that's what. Your Safe Driver beacon was very helpful. Unfortunately your car didn't make it. I'm assuming you have insurance?"

I clenched my fists, getting so red in the face that I could see it in my cheeks. "You demolished my car? Who gave you the right?"

"To be fair, you handed me the keys. Besides, we're saving lives. You don't want the Autons destroying your town, do you?"

I could only sputter in response. Couldn't think of a single nice thing to say. Can you blame me?...And before you say it, no, didn't quite believe the bunnies/Autons were gone, so, not exactly grateful.

"...Nice job with the vacuuming, by the way. I prefer to have the shower curtain hooks all facing the same side, but you're definitely making good progress on my list. Did you make the enchiladas yet?"

I silently fumed for a moment, just glared at her.

Doc got the message. "Maybe this will cheer you up: FedEx left it outside your building. Wasn't one hundred percent certain it was yours, but it has the symbol from your cat suit on it."

She brought me a charred cardboard shipping container. Actually had my name on it.

More annoyed than cheered, I tore through the tape with my car keys.

Kimfoods mouse pads, desk toys, water bottles, a girly backpack with ears and cartoon characters on it, a pile of Korean snack foods, another Kimicat costume, this one in black, and a girl's tennis outfit, also with the company logo.

"Eric Fiver. That's your real name?"

I shrugged. "Excuse me if I'm not in a good mood right now. You just destroyed my car."

"About that...there's a wheelbarrow of things from your vehicle in the console room."

I don't know about you, but whenever I come down with COVID, I can sense it. It's like...a vague feeling of doom settles upon me, followed by a headache, sore throat and congestion...And all of a sudden I felt it.

Not your everyday average case, however. It...felt like my incisors were growing through my skull...My nails...extending somehow. Also, very itchy for some reason.

My vision blurred, and I seemed to lose control of my body. Only dimly did I hear Doc shouting at me.

Something got injected into my neck, and I passed out.

The last thing I heard: "I was afraid this would happen."

When I awoke, I found myself floating.

A room I'd never seen before. Big empty space, walls decorated with glowing Frisbee things (roundels - I'd seen the picture in the glossary of my chore list). Deafening humming noises, coming from gray machines at the corners of the room. Kinda resembled industrial dehumidifiers...I guess they suspended me in the air.

During my period of unconsciousness, Doc had stepped out again. I tried to reach the floor, but only flipped over in the air.

A piece of paper had been tucked into my apron. I nearly lost it in midair, but I snatched it up at the last second.

I unfolded it, staring at the flowing script:

You attacked me. Had to tranquilize you with a Janus thorn.

"Sounds like the name of the news lady from channel 5," I mused.

After finding the package, I opened your mailbox (only to bring your things to you, of course). Recognized the name of the clinical research company. Not good. Will explain later, as you are stressed as it is.

Oh, and to escape the antigravity field, say `Diver Dan dodo sewing machine basket.'

Feeling foolish, I said the words on the paper simply because I had no way of getting down, and a great deal of things these days are voice activated.

I hit the floor at once. No padding. Kinda hurt. Also, never had buckteeth before, but presently they projected enough to cut my lip when I fell.

I groaned and picked myself up off the floor, staggering to the nearest bathroom. Sore throat, head pounding.

Don't ask me how I found the bathroom without getting lost. I just wandered in a direction that `felt right.' Not a room I'd ever cleaned or encountered while doing chores.

It had a tuxedo hanging on the door, bow tie slung around the hanger. To the sides of the mirror hung a framed letter from Winston Churchill, a picture of some British military guy with a mustache, a fob watch, and a van Gogh. A rag doll of a man with a tie slumped next to the soap dispenser.

I stared at my face. Never before had I had incisors this long. Also, the pupil on my left eye appeared to have turned solid pink. Weird tufts of hair had sprouted here and there.

I searched for a switch to activate the bulbs above the mirror, but found none... only a 'universal' power symbol on the corner of the glass.

"As if anything in this place could be normal." I pushed the button.

The lights came on, but apparently someone thought you should include a computer in everything, so it gave me a musical chime and a robotic voice. "Hello, gorgeous! Looking fabulous!"

"No, I really, really have to disagree with you on that."

The mirror made that annoying drum sound Google maps makes whenever you veer off course. "How about a pair of earrings to accentuate the look? I think that would be really cute."

I shook my head. "No way."

"Have you thought about shaving?"

"No, I'd actually prefer to look like a man, thank you."

Another annoying drum sound. "I detect a suit and tie behind you. perhaps that will improve your image."

I glanced back for a moment, seriously considering the idea. "I suppose it would, but I'm more concerned about this weird pink coloration in my eye, and my overgrown teeth."

The series of sounds I got in response reminded me of a time when I told Google to give me the directions to my apartment, but ignored them halfway through the trip, in order to stop by the license bureau on the other side of town (you lose Safe Driving points for touching the screen while the car is in motion).

"Medical scan results...unstable Coronavirus based genetic modification. Seek assistance of qualified medical personnel."

"Masterson and Associates clinical research," I grumbled under my breath. "No wonder I got such a good paycheck on that one!"

It had been such a great research study! I've had some lousy ones before — bed stuck beneath the open window in the middle of winter, wet bathroom floors where you run the risk of getting athlete's foot every time you take a shower...

Masterson's, though...quality Italian food, barbecue...video arcade...TV's with all the premium apps installed, comfortable, private rooms and beds...The guy in charge...a little creepy with his scary eyes and goatee, didn't like him following me into the bathroom, but people always do that kind of thing during a study.

I guess I should have paid more attention to the fine print about the possible side effects. "How the hell is this a cure to Covid?"

The mirror didn't have an answer to that one.

This TARDIS thing had been built like a labyrinth. It should have taken me hours to locate the entrance, but the moment I spotted a chamber that looked (or maybe smelled) vaguely familiar, I knew by instinct where to go. Difficult to explain...the verbal part of my brain just...shut off, and my body...took me where I needed to go.

At the main entrance, I did locate my suitcase and a storage tote filled with things from my car (well, with the exception of heavy stuff like the spare tire and tire jack).

The moment I'd taken stock of my possessions, I heard `Doc' say "Eric...help."

I turned my head and nearly jumped out of my skin.

A ghostly version of the woman. At first, I thought it to be a ghost, but then it flickered and I noticed a beam coming from a device attached to the console thing in the center of the room. A hologram.

I stared. "Can you hear me? Where are you?"

The woman shook her head. "Plaza...quick."

"That's kind of a long distance to travel in ballet flats, without a car."

Instead of replying, the woman's hologram vanished.

"But I don't know how to open the door!"

The entrance to the TARDIS swung open on its own, almost like the Doctor haunted me.

"Okay...then..."

I had spotted a bicycle during my wandering explorations. Not a cool guy's bike, of course: Pink, Spyder style, with a flower print basket and rainbow tassels on the sissy bars. I supposed it would have to do.

Not a lot of time to prepare (for a battle I doubted I could even win), but while doing maid duty, I'd discovered several interesting artifacts. A few of them I believed to be useful for rescuing the doctor: A mirror shield that seemed to belong to The Clash of the Titans, a space gun that reminded me of something from Men in Black, and a wrist guard with a built-in computer device (I'd briefly considered using a crossbow, and a Batman style grappling hook gun).

I jumped out the door with the bicycle, clumsily getting my dress caught in the gears and spokes (Hey, it's a short bike, and I've never tried it in a dress before).

The moment I had myself untangled, I had company: A pair of white fiberglass bunnies in floral print, bearing baskets of eggs, a pantless Peter Cottontail type in a waistcoat bringing up the rear.

Their glowing pink doll eyes flared.