15- New beginnings… chapter fifteen

Lynn sat at Walter's desk. A thick cloud of question marks swirling around her head. Such an innocent remark about old sci-fi movies generated such a storm of rage…. no, now that she reflected on it, not rage, more despair fueled anger. He had actually been showing a more pleasant, companionable side the past couple days- if a little stilted and certainly esoteric, but that is sure gone now. Gods, talk about going from one extreme to another- from sunny mountain top to deepest, darkest pit at the speed of light. Well, Richard said Walter was a difficult man, he sure wasn't joking.

Lynn got up and walked to the back bay to see Walter stretched out flat on the bed. Maybe the best thing to do is just carry on as usual, give him a chance to calm down. She was about to say something when there was a knocking at the door. "I'll get it Walter."

"Don't bother," Walter said getting up. He walked to his desk and brought up the security feed to see the delivery person so went to the door to receive his laptop delivery. He took the package to his desk sitting down for a moment before opening.

Lynn went to his desk. "How about I nuke your breakfast to warm it up, you can eat while inspecting it to be sure it is as you ordered."

"Sure, sounds good," he said quietly while pulling the device from the box and putting it on the desk.

She took the plate back to the kitchen, nuked it for a minute and returned to his desk with it along with a cup of coffee. "There you are, dig in. Walter, I will be taking off for work. Will call through the day. Don't get too involved working with this- answer the phone when I call, OK?" She watched him but he never looked up at her. Thinking of lightening things up a bit she suggested, "Think of another way to answer this time." She continued to stand a moment then went to open the roll up door and pull the car out, then close it up again walking through to see him continuing to unwrap the laptop from its packaging.

"Walter… Walter….." She said. When he looked up to her there was nothing in that dark eyed gaze- totally shut down and closed up. "Don't forget to take your drugs, nuke a chicken pie for lunch. Don't get so focused you forget. Are you OK or should I take the day off?"

He looked up at her. "I'm fine, go on to work."

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Lynn went to work. Pulling into a parking space she ended up walking in with Joe.

"What's the matter, Lynn?" Joe asked. "You Looked bummed. Something wrong?"

"No, just have things on my mind. Hey, it's Saturday, what you doing here? Sucking up the OT for Ann's birthday present?" Lynn said. "Want to hear a funny one- Walter thought all your comments about your wife swinging her rolling pin at you were real threats. He wondered why you remained if your wife beat on you."

"You must be joking," Joe said laughing. "I've heard about people taking jokes literally, but that is a good one."

"Nope, he actually asked me about it. He is a funny man." She said. "So why you in on Saturday? Something important going on?"

"Yeah, design needs input- needing to reduce weight. That O'Brien component and the test runs we did shows the system may need redesign. The fuel ratios- remember the higher oxygen content and greater flow rate to get the efficiency the test showed? That means fuel load needs to be altered. One of those examples of change this affects that and on down the line- the whole system needs to be looked at." Joe explained. "To be honest, I wish Richard could get O'Brien in here to do a look-see and make some suggestions….. but that would mean he would be butting heads directly with the egghead bunch."

Lynn snorted, "I'd put my money on O'Brien. I dare say Richard will do his best to get O'Brien involved- be good all round if he did, but O'Brien is still in recovery, remember, still the worse for wear." Entering the building they split, Lynn to her office, Joe to the design offices. "See you later, Joe. Let me know how it goes."

Getting to her office, Lynn brought up the numerous test runs of the APU (auxiliary power unit) the crew ran over the week to compile all the data for the final report. While typing away, her laptop sitting on the desk dinged- time to call Walter to remind him to take his medicine. The phone rang a couple times, "O'Brien"

"Hey, you are back to just "O'Brien", huh? Think I like the 'good afternoon, Walter O'Brien speaking, how can I help you' better….. nicer toned voice. How is your laptop coming along? Time to take your medicine. Have you rested at all?"

"Laptop is in process, will take medicine, no need to rest."

"Guess you aren't bored so not interested in what I am doing anymore?"

"I have data up-loading will go take medicine now."

"OK, don't forget to nuke a chicken pie for lunch. See you this evening."

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Walter was still sitting at the desk, new laptop hooked up to the desktop, servers humming along. He sat back after the call from Lynn, then pushed himself up to go take his medicine. Going back to sit down with the bottle of water he took another sip thinking. Been a long time since he thought of that first win after one hundred four games. He got up and pulled the carved chess set and its inlaid board out of the cabinet and set it up on the desk. Staring at the set up board he recalled the entire game, move by move. Walter was twenty-two at the time, the master seventy-one, that game played in the evening as the sun set. The master had said "ah Walter, at last, young man, and so it goes," as he tipped over his black king. Walter continued to stare at the set up board recalling other games played after that win where the atmosphere between he and the master was less adversarial so the games were as between equals, friends, even. Chess, a game of warfare, representative of death and destruction without the actual blood, gore and screaming….. gods, I gotta' get out of here.

With that thought, Walter got up, slowly climbed the stairs to the loft, pulled his duffle bag out, packed up a few days worth of clothes, dressed decently, carefully went back downstairs, got his cane, packed his medicine in the duffle, and returned to his desk. Using the small laptop, he looked through the listing of good, full service hotels across town from the garage, picked one, called and booked a room, then called an Uber to pick him up at an address a block from the garage so not visible on the security feed. While waiting he wrote a note to leave on the desk. He then walked out of the garage, duffle strap over shoulder, laptop case in one hand, cane in the other. He set security turned to walk around the corner and down the street to await the Uber.

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Lynn called but it went to voice mail. Guess he is really focused on that new laptop. She called a second time but again, it went to voice mail. Oh well, she thought. So he takes a dose a couple hours late- he is chugging around pretty good these days so should be OK until I get there after work. By quitting time she had finished her report and sent it off. She had not heard from Joe since walking in together. He may not have even stayed the whole day being as it was his weekend. So, she tried calling Walter again but nothing so she left for the parking lot. Driving to the garage she pulled in front and coded the security and walked in. "Walter, how ya doin'?" She went to the back bay but he was not laying on the bed. "WALTER!" She went into the common area and looked at his desk to see the new laptop, the desktop powered up, the carved chess set, his phone, the plate of uneaten breakfast, still full cup of now cold coffee, and a piece of paper. She picked up the paper to read:

Lynn, Had to get out of here for a while. Have cane, have drugs. Walter

She sat down at his desk. He never ate, left the new laptop, left his phone, man-o-man, his head is really messed up… and completely by accident. Wonder what the government did with his program….. obviously nothing good. He said- 'as if the nightmares aren't enough, all I have done to atone- for nothing' with such anguish. Gods what a mess, and wonder where he will go. Richard says he has no one now that the Scorpion bunch have drifted off. Would he go back to Ireland? By what he said, they would not know what to do if contacted so doubt he would run home. Gods, even I have friends to go to if my world falls apart, he has absolutely nobody… and his world has blown up, hell, more than once. His team has left, beat to crap, and now this. The gods are really piling on big time.

She looked around again. Wonder why the chess set is out. Why he took the time to set it up, all the figures perfectly in line, each facing forward to its opponent. I do not see the significance, but it must have meant something to him to be so precisely set up.

Well, this is pointless. Could practically see the light bulb pop on, she sat up and pulled the desktop's keyboard closer to use and went to its main screen and hit the security icon to review and saw him with cane and duffle walk out the door and around the corner- so much for seeing a cab number or an Uber to trace. Wonder how far he would walk- he has been moving better, not holding his side so often. She called the clinic to inquire when his two week check-up was scheduled. Well, he can disappear for a few days but with some luck he will show up for his appointment.

While sitting there Walter's phone rang and flashed Richard as caller so she picked it up.

"Richard, it's Lynn, what can I do for you?"

"This is Walter's phone, right? He asleep? Good if he is, more sleep the better."

"No, not asleep- he's gone."

"Good grief, gone where?"

"When I got here after work just found a note- 'have to get out of here, have cane, have drugs- Walter'. You have any idea where he would take off to? I checked the security feed but he just walked out, around the corner and =poof= gone. As you can see he left his phone and even his new laptop still hooked up to the desktop unit. What is a real puzzler- he set up a chess board on the desk- that make any sense to you?"

"That is a strange one. Whenever Walter is experiencing a problem, he cocoons IN the garage, not leave it. Have no idea where he would take off to, wouldn't have any idea where to even start looking. Like I said, a difficult man no one has been able to figure out."

"Can I ask you a question, Richard that you will not discuss with anyone?"

"Sure Lynn, you know you can. What is it?"

"Do you know anything about the government misusing a program Walter made?"

"Richard, you still there?"

"How did that subject come up, Lynn?"

"We were having a long conversation while I was fixing breakfast. You know me, he is talking one thing, I was interjecting some old sci-fi movies…. familiar with Colossus of the Forbin Project and Joshua of War games? I said something about computer programs causing death and destruction and he went off like a rocket. He knew Sue had done a couple searches on him and thought she had found something. It was a completely innocent comment about a movie."

"Amazing how innocent things can trigger bad things. Don't worry, Walter's home base is that damned garage, he will return to it….. when he is ready."

"What is it, Richard, what set him off like that? He won't do anything rash, will he?"

"No, he knows his worth even if not the worth of anything he does. He will return to the garage, so don't worry. May just take some time. Too bad, he could get lost in designing as that, probably more than anything else right now, is what he needs. He told me a long time ago a focused Walter with a problem to solve is a happy Walter, here is hoping he will be looking for something to focus on pretty quick."

"You won't tell me what this is all about, will you?"

"I know how to keep a confidence, Lynn, you of all people know that. Walter wants you to know, he will be the one to discuss it with you. Let me know first thing if he shows up. Have a good evening."

Lynn put the phone on the desk where she found it, sat a moment looking at the exquisite chess set. Put the note in her purse, looked around then got up to go up to the loft.

She pulled her phone out and called Joe.

"Hello?"

"Hey Joe, it's Lynn. That adjustable bed you dropped off at Walter's garage? Think you guys could pick it up tonight or tomorrow? Know it is short order, but not needed anymore."

"Not doing anything now, I can call Tim before he is out on his usual Saturday night hot date. Walter is up and running around OK already?"

"Kinda' sorta' give me a call when or if you guys can come pick it up."

"Will do, give me a few minutes to call Tim."

She gathered her clothes, shampoo, make-up, brushes and comb in a bag to put in the convertible's trunk. She gathered towels she used in the bathroom, pulled the sheets and pillow cases from the bed and took them down to the washer in the back bay. She got clean towels, sheets and pillow cases from the cabinet under the stairs, hiked up to the loft, made the bed nice and neat then hung the towels in the bathroom.

Her phone rang. "Hey, Joe."

"Tim said he can pick me up and be over there in an hour. That work out OK?"

"Fine, I will have the roll-up open ready for you. Thanks, both of you- I will bring in donuts Wednesday- yummy, yummy jelly filled ones."

"Ugh, I don't need that….. but I will have one anyway. See you in a bit."

She cleaned the kitchen counters, put new plastic bags in the trashcan. Looking around she inspected the loft that everything was nice, neat, and clean, could not tell she had stayed there. She went down the stairs with the trash bags to put in the dumpster in the alley.

Opening the roll-up door, she then put the towels, sheets from the loft and the adjustable bed in the washer and got it started. She looked in the fridge for the last leftovers, nuked what was there and had dinner; when finished washed the dishes and put everything away.

She was sitting at Walter's desk when Joe and Tim arrived and tooted the horn so she went to the back bay to give them a hand.

"So how is Walter doing?" Joe asked.

"Well enough he walked on out to parts unknown," Lynn replied.

"Come on Lynn, you jumped him and scared him off, huh?" Tim laughed. "I know you like the tall, dark, quiet types….. especially the ones with brains."

"Yeah, right, Tim. You know me, jumping guys every chance I get," Lynn joked.

"Seriously, Lynn, where did he go, is he OK?" Joe asked. "While the cuts may have closed up by now, those ribs gotta' still be aching."

"Yeah, he has to be OK so he can attend the next egghead conference," Tim said, "really can go for the entertainment- he sure is one smart cookie to shut Videk up like that. That was soooo cool."

"I don't know where he went, I do not know if he will attend another conference, I have no idea what is going on except it is time to ease on down the road," Lynn said. "I do appreciate your getting on this so quick- especially knowing you have a hot date on a Saturday night, Tim, so let's get this loaded."

The adjustable bed was loaded and tied down in Tim's truck quickly, "Joe told me you will be bringing jelly donuts Wednesday, so I will be expecting some," Tim said. "Strawberry for me," he called as he got into his truck and he and Joe took off.

Lynn closed the roll-up door, the washer finished so she put everything in the dryer and went to sit at Walter's desk again and stared at the chess set. One hundred four games before a win, chaos theory over a chessboard, and he says I am profound….. gods, what a mind… and so troubled.

The dryer buzzer sounded so she went to the back bay and pulled everything out, folded the sheets and towels to put away in the under stairs cabinet. She went up to the loft to make one last check that she left nothing behind, turned all the lights off and descended the stairs looking over everything in the common area. She left the desktop computer on, left everything on his desk as she found it, made a last circuit to the back bay, checked the door, then went out the front door, set security, got in her car, stuffed her hair under the fedora, started the car and left for home.

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Walter walked into the hotel room and put his duffle bag on the chair to open and put his medicine in the bathroom and clothes in the closet. He closed the curtain, stretched out on the bed and lay staring at the ceiling. He booked the room for seven days the end of which was the day of his two week check-up. He smiled thinking of nurse sergeant-major Rachael; his smile faded when he thought of Lynn… in time he dozed off.

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Twice a day Lynn called Walter's phone sitting on his desk in the garage figuring had he returned he would answer. Twice while out on drives she found herself driving by the garage to see if any lights were shining through the window, but there never was. She cussed at herself for being a 'dumb blonde' being anxious about some stupid man who does not think of how their behavior affects others. Two minutes later she cussed at herself for being a 'dumb blonde' to think he even thinks of how his behavior affected HER. Who is she? Some 'dumb blonde' that injected herself into his life unasked, unwanted. 'Dumb blonde', that is all she is- a stupid, dumb blonde.

Gods, she thought. Do ALL women go through these kinds of mental gymnastics? She sat up at her desk and called Sue.

"Hey, Sue, wanna' go have dinner with me after work- you pick the place, my treat."

"Free dinner after work, don't have to ask me twice. What's on your mind, girl? You can't fool me, you got a man problem, huh?"

"Ah, I am doing the dumb blonde mental rollercoaster crap and giving myself a headache. Some talk would be great, especially with another female that isn't a dumb blonde. Talking to the cars just isn't cutting it. Have changed their oil, washed and waxed, topped off the brake fluid, even went so far as to change spark plugs in the vert and the points and condenser on the coupe that was TOTALLY unnecessary."

"OH MY! You got it really bad. I will come by your office at quitting time and head out to the parking lot with you. I'll drive before you figure out something else to do to the poor vert. Hold on just another twenty minutes and off to the Indian Tandoori place- that will give you something to look forward to."

"Thanks Sue, you are a life saver, see you in a bit."

"Nothing like a big plate of chicken masala on a fluffy bed of basmati rice after a hard day of work, huh, Lynn?" Sue asked. "I haven't even been aware you had some man giving you problems. So what have I been missing?"

"You know I have been staying with Walter while he was recovering from the assault then his damned near bleeding to death?"

"The Walter O'Brien I did the searches on? The brainiac that busted the nuts on the eggheads last conference? THAT Walter? How the devil you get roped in on that? You do the 'help the helpless' routine in the extreme, girl, why you do that- thought with that 'possum you learned your lesson."

"Yeah, you know me, but he doesn't have anyone- no family, you researched his team and they all split on him- for crying out loud, it was one of them that put him in the hospital." Lynn explained. "Would you leave someone that buggered up alone and NOT help?"

"Does it tell you something that the guy is alone at this age? Worked with people for years and they all walked on him?" Sue asked? "Don't you wonder WHY and that maybe it is for a reason?"

"Come on, Sue. You know crap happens, you know what that team did, and he is the one that gathered them together, he is the one who came up with solutions and gave directions. He was the one that went into the tar pit."

"Listen to yourself, Lynn," Sue said. "In all the years I have known you I have never heard you talk of ANY guy at all much less to be so defensive of one. You hooked, girl. Didn't think I would see it."

"Hooked?"

"Yes, Lynn, you are actually getting EMOTIONALLY involved with a male. Hallelujah, I never thought it would happen."

"Sue, you are so full of it." Lynn said.

"Lynn, what has been running through your mind? What is that 'dumb blonde rollercoaster crap' that is giving you a headache?" Sue asked pointing at Lynn with her fork. "He has not called? He has not come around? Or some other thoughts of obviously HE isn't thinking of ME like I am thinking of HIM. See how that goes? Not a 'dumb blonde' thing it is a female thing that men will never go through…. nature of the beasts, I'm afraid," Sue said continuing to eat. "Why do we think like that, Sue?" Lynn asked with a frown. "We are smart women, rational, sane, gods, we are intelligent- look at our degrees, the jobs we do, we hold our own alongside intelligent men gaining their respect and considered equals, partners, friends. So why do I sink into the dumb blonde routine?"

Sue looked at Lynn with a look of sadness, "come on, Lynn. The reason is right there in front of your mind giving you that headache- emotions. Women, we have them on our sleeves, front and center, drop of a hat, there they are. Men? They need a baseball bat upside the head to bring their emotions out of the deep, dark recesses of whatever has their attention at the time be it fishing, engine rebuild, or galactic mathematical equations."

"How can I get so wrapped up in someone so quickly like this? Makes no sense, and you know I just can't get into a, a, you know me, ain't never going to happen- can't happen," Lynn said.

"Sooner or later, Lynn, you WILL have to confront things. Sooner or later you WILL have to make that very difficult decision that only YOU can make for yourself- spend your life alone, or open yourself, difficult as it will be, to some person that will help you actually live life like it is supposed to be lived. I hope you take the chance, sounds like he is similar to you to be honest," Sue said. "Damaged people are never easy."

"Just the other morning he asked me to tape up his incisions so he could take a shower, took off his shirt and I just froze up."

"Like I said, Lynn. Damaged people are not easy. YOU know the trauma, you survived it. As the saying goes, knowledge of the problem is half the way to solution. You know your problem, you know what you want. You may deny wanting a, I can say it even if you can't, -relationship-, you have to make the move or it will never happen, and I can tell you, the cars, the job, the whatever will never take the place of a loving man. I know that from experience, Joe's wife knows that, one of these hot dates of Tim's will discover that, Ben's wife knows that as do millions and millions of others- damaged or not."

"He really is a fascinating person, Sue. Incredible thought processes. How can I deal with this, I'm scared either way. Scared of being alone, scared of nothing but pity, scared of rejection, scared of it happening again, scared of everything. Gods, what a mess, and I don't know what to do."

"Lynn, one step at a time. TALK to him, you will find out right there. That is the best advice I can give you. Talk, let him know what is going on in your mind, how he acts, what he says will give you the signals to continue or run like hell. But everyone in life, damaged or not, has to take that first step when dealing with others. It is as simple and as hard as that."

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Walter came to the conclusion that six days of being holed up in a hotel room led to calm contemplation and helped the healing process. He felt great, was getting up, laying down, moving around the room easily- even went to the hotel pool and sauna, and the restaurant had some excellent seafood dishes. To completely get some distance from the turmoil and get equilibrium again was like being given a fresh start. Another start from 'square one' where previously that remark was a look backward at the failure, where now it was a new beginning. The past was exactly that- past, over, done, learning experiences to be built on or discarded. There was a lot in his past that needed to be discarded- so much of the past that caused problems in his present and could impact his future- no more. Square one. New beginning. Tomorrow is the last day here, he will go to see Dr. Wilson and nurse sergeant-major Rachael, get a clean bill of health, talk to Richard on what he needs done to further the space program, get back to the garage and call Lynn for the first of many dinner dates he owes her for saving his life, her help when he so needed it, and her ability of making him think in ways not contemplated before….. why wait to call. He opened the cheesy little laptop and sent a message to Lynn:

Lynn- Would very much like to ride in a Corvair convertible with a lovely blonde driving to the restaurant of her choice to begin the conversation needed to clear the air and make a new beginning in our friendship. Will be at the garage tomorrow afternoon. Walter

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