16- New Beginnings… chapter sixteen

Twice a day Lynn called Walter's phone sitting on his desk in the garage figuring had he returned he would answer. Twice while out on drives she found herself driving by the garage to see if any lights were shining through the window, but there never was. She cussed at herself for being a 'dumb blonde' being anxious about some stupid man who does not think of how their behavior affects others. Two minutes later she cussed at herself for being a 'dumb blonde' to think he even thinks of how his behavior affected HER. Who is she? Some 'dumb blonde' that injected herself into his life unasked, unwanted. 'Dumb blonde', that is all she is- a stupid, dumb blonde.

Gods, she thought. Do ALL women go through this kind of mental gymnastics? She sat up at her desk and called Sue.

"Hey, Sue, wanna' go have dinner with me after work- you pick the place, my treat."

"Free dinner after work, don't have to ask me twice. What is on your mind, girl? You can't fool me, you got a man problem, huh?"

"Ah, you know me too damned well. I am doing the dumb blonde mental rollercoaster crap and giving myself a headache. Some talk would be great, especially with another female that isn't a dumb blonde. Talking to the cars just isn't cutting it. Have changed their oil, washed and waxed, topped off the brake fluid, even went so far as to change spark plugs in the vert and the points and condenser on the coupe that was TOTALLY unnecessary."

"OH MY! You got it really bad. I will come by your office at quitting time and head out to the parking lot with you. I'll drive before you figure out something else to do to the poor vert. Hold on just another twenty minutes and off to the Indian Tandoori place- that will give you something to look forward to."

"Thanks Sue, you are a life saver, see you in a bit."

"Nothing like a big plate of chicken masala on a fluffy bed of basmati rice after a hard day of work, huh, Lynn?" Sue asked. "I haven't even been aware you had some man giving you problems. So what have I been missing?"

"You know I have been staying with Walter while he was recovering from the assault then his damned near bleeding to death?"

"The Walter O'Brien I did the searches on? The brainiac that busted the nuts on the eggheads last conference? THAT Walter? How the devil you get roped in on that? You do the 'help the helpless' routine in the extreme, girl, why you do that- thought with the 'possum you learned your lesson."

"Yeah, you know me, but he doesn't have anyone- no family, you researched his team and they all split on him- for crying out loud, it was one of them put him in the hospital." Lynn explained. "Would you leave someone that buggered up alone and NOT help?"

"Does it tell you something that the guy is alone at this age? Worked with people for years and they all walked on him?" Sue asked? "Don't you wonder WHY and that maybe it is for a reason?"

"Come on, Sue. You know crap happens, you know what that team did, and he is the one that gathered them together, he is the one who came up with solutions and gave directions. He was the one that went into the tar pit."

"Listen to yourself, Lynn," Sue said. "In all the years I have known you I have never heard you talk of ANY guy at all much less to be so defensive of one. You hooked, girl. Didn't think I would see it."

"Hooked?"

"Yes, Lynn, you are actually getting EMOTIONALLY involved with a male. Hallelujah, I never thought it would happen."

"Sue, you are so full of it." Lynn said.

"Lynn, what has been running through your mind? What is that 'dumb blonde rollercoaster crap' that is giving you a headache?" Sue asked pointing at Lynn with her fork. "He has not called? He has not come around? Or some other thoughts of obviously HE isn't thinking of ME like I am thinking of HIM. See how that goes? Not a 'dumb blonde' thing it is a female thing that men will never go through…. nature of the beasts, I'm afraid," Sue said continuing to eat. "Why do we think like that, Sue?" Lynn asked with a frown. "We are smart women, rational, sane, gods, we are intelligent- look at our degrees, the jobs we do, we hold our own alongside intelligent men gaining their respect and considered equals, partners, friends. So why do I sink into the dumb blonde routine?"

Sue looked at Lynn with a look of sadness, "come on, Lynn. The reason is right there in front of your mind giving you that headache- emotions. We have them on our sleeves, front and center, drop of a hat, there they are. Men? They need a baseball bat upside the head to bring their emotions out of the deep, dark recesses of whatever has their attention at the time be it fishing, engine rebuild, or galactic mathematical equations."

"How can I get so wrapped up in someone so quickly like this? Makes no sense, and you know I just can't get into a, a, you know me, ain't never going to happen- can't happen," Lynn said.

"Sooner or later, Lynn, you WILL have to confront things. Sooner or later you WILL have to make that very difficult decision that only YOU can make for yourself- spend your life alone, or open yourself, difficult as it will be, to some person that will help you actually live life like it is supposed to be lived. I hope you take the chance, sounds like he is similar to you to be honest," Sue said. "Damaged people are never easy."

"Just the other morning he asked me to tape up his incisions so he could take a shower, took off his shirt and I just froze up."

"Like I said, Lynn. Damaged people are not easy. YOU know the trauma, you survived it. As the saying goes, knowledge of the problem is half the way to solution. You know your problem, you know what you want. You may deny wanting a, I can say it even if you can't, -relationship-, you have to make the move or it will never happen, and I can tell you, the cars, the job, the whatever will never take the place of a loving man. I know that from experience, Joe's wife knows that, one of these hot dates of Tim's will discover that, Ben's wife knows that as do millions and millions of others- damaged or not."

"He really is a fascinating person, Sue. Incredible thought processes. How can I deal with this, I'm scared either way. Scared of being alone, scared of nothing but pity, scared of rejection, scared of it happening again, scared of everything. Gods, what a mess, and I don't know what to do."

"Lynn, one step at a time. TALK to him, you will find out right there. That is the best advice I can give you. Talk, let him know what is going on in your mind, how he acts, what he says will give you the signals to continue or run like hell. But everyone in life, damaged or not, has to take that first step when dealing with others. It is as simple and as hard as that."

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Walter came to the conclusion that six days of being holed up in a hotel room led to calm contemplation and helped the healing process. He felt great, was getting up, laying down, moving around the room easily- even went to the hotel pool and sauna, and the restaurant had some excellent seafood dishes. To completely get some distance from the turmoil and get equilibrium again was like being given a fresh start. Another start from 'square one' where previously that remark was a look backward at the failure, where now it was a new beginning. The past was exactly that- past, over, done, learning experiences to be built on or discarded. There was a lot in his past that needed to be discarded- so much of the past that caused problems in his present and could impact his future- no more. Square one. New beginning. Tomorrow is the last day here, he will go to see Dr. Wilson and nurse sergeant-major Rachael, get a clean bill of health, talk to Richard on what he needs done to further the space program, get back to the garage and call Lynn for the first of many dinner dates he owes her for saving his life, her help when he so needed it, and her ability of making him think in ways not contemplated before.

He opened the cheesy little laptop and sent a message to Lynn:

Lynn- Would very much like to ride in a Corvair convertible with a lovely blonde driving to the restaurant of her choice to begin the conversation needed to clear the air and make a new beginning in our friendship. Will be at the garage tomorrow afternoon. Walter

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