19- New Beginnings… chapter nineteen

Friday, Walter was slowly going stir crazy. Have not seen nor heard from anyone since Lynn left Wednesday evening. The laptop was completed, he was taking it easy as the next check-up was next week and he wanted all to go well. He felt pretty good- back a bit sore, but to be expected, ribs doing much better, hair growing out so not so scruffy looking. Leaving the loft he got the coffee started in the downstairs kitchen. Staying in the garage he was slumming around in sweats and t-shirt. Walking around the place until the coffee was ready, he looked at the flat screen on the common area coffee table. The coffee maker quit gurgling so he poured himself a cup and went to sit at his desk powering up the desktop, he searched for old movies.

He sent Lynn a message-

Lynn- Were you aware there are countless ancient black and white movies for free to view on the net? Found the Ghost and Mrs. Muir…. up for a movie night? Will order a yummy pizza- without anchovies. Walter

Within minutes he got a reply.

Walter- Thought you forgot me. Sounds like a plan- see you after work. Lynn

Walter sat back with a frown after reading that- thought I forgot her? Damn, O'Brien, better rethink this whole issue…. some communication is in order he thought. He got up from the desk and once again laid flat on half the sofa with legs hanging over the arm. Lack of communication can cause a lot of problems, so best get things on an even keel at the start. Laying there thinking he ended up dozing off to again awaken to Lynn rustling around in the kitchen.

"I'm calling in a pizza delivery and pulling funds out of the kitchen tea canister 'cause you said you were springing for dinner," Lynn said. "You have an old movie for me to watch?"

"What made you think I forgot you?" Walter asked getting up. "I know you work, keeping you late may interfere with your sleep pattern. While I would like you here all the time, I understand what I want is unreasonable. So TELL me what I should do so you know I have not forgotten you."

"You would like me here all the time? Really?"

"I thought that was obvious," Walter said leaning against the kitchen entry. "Guess I was wrong. I told you I am not adept at this personal interaction, don't pick up the nuances of behavior so I will just lay it out and you can go from there. I like being with you, I like your being here, I want you here. I liked you running your fingers through my hair and sitting with me. I look forward to my getting back to 100% healthy so we can take walks on the beach, and do things you suggest that I have not done before. I would like to get involved in things you like to do that I am unfamiliar with- like these movies. You may have to explain a few things about them to me, but I am willing to listen because you like it, and I like listening to you. You are expanding my horizons, and that is always a good thing. Like I said, I am not good at this- one of the issues of my being 'damaged', I think, so one of the things I need to change about myself in order to fix myself….. that make any sense?"

Lynn laughed, "does Walter O'Brien ever NOT make sense?"

"Depending on the subject matter- there are many facets of human behavior I am totally in the dark about. Illogical behavior for example. Why does someone do something they know is bad for their better health and welfare? Even I have done illogical things with people that did not seem illogical at the time but proved to be completely wrong and harmful…. mostly to myself."

"It is the nature of people, I think. Trying to protect ourselves we harm ourselves. Does not make sense logically, but perspective is everything," Lynn said. "Think a lot of our interaction with others depends a lot on whether we actually like ourselves."

"What do you mean? I am not following that at all."

"How can we expect another person we think so highly of, that the world revolves around them, if we do not like ourselves how can we think we are worthy of their thinking the same of us? I have you on an incredibly high pedestal- you are Walter O'Brien, after all- how could such an august person possibly be interested in a scarred up, emotional mess like me?"

"How could you… "

Bang, BANG- PIZZA- BANG, bang.

Walter turned and, fishing bills out of his jeans, went to the door to open and take the pizza box, handed the bills over, "keep the change," and head back to the common area to put the pizza on the coffee table where Lynn had plates and napkins.

"You forgot I got the pizza money out of the tea canister. So you found the Ghost and Mrs. Muir to watch? Come sit and crank it up," Lynn said sitting on the sofa. "I like this movie- lots of ways to see the passage of time you may notice, from the carving on the wood to the ladies fashions."

"Wait," Walter said sitting on the sofa to turn to Lynn. "You can't say things like that then talk of an old movie. Why would you have ME on a pedestal? And so you have scars- so do I, probably will have many more before I expire, I can match you on being an 'emotional mess'. A genius Harvard trained shrink behaviorist tagged me as an 'emotional dumpster fire' and a normal person intimated I will never improve. You may be right about the not liking yourself- I do not like me- I wish I were normal, I want all the calculations that go on and on in my head to just stop and let me breathe for just a minute, I wish my eidetic memory would let me forget my being an emotional dumpster fire, on and on because all that is what makes me alone and I do not want to be alone, and something in me is toxic and keeps driving away people I want to stay with. You saw my behavior yourself, I want you here with me but I did everything to drive you away, and it is because I don't like myself?" Walter smirked, "If having you stay is dependent on my liking myself, you may as well leave now and never return."

"Walter- I like you, so I will remain as long as you put up with me. To be honest, I don't think you could drive me away. Like Sue said- maybe two damaged people can repair each other. You don't like you; I don't like me…. but we DO like each other so can work out the minor problems together. I will have to watch it again, but the end of Casablanca the French guy and the American guy walk off to war together and say something about it being the start of a good friendship…. or something like that."

"Do you have an old movie that answers everything in life?" Walter asked. Handing Lynn a plate with a slice of pizza and a napkin, he sat back with his and started the movie, put his feet up on the coffee table and settled in to watch.

"Well, what did you think?"

"Rather depressing, don't you think?"

"Walter… why do you say depressing?"

"Her life was totally buggered. Her marriage sounded less than optimum, didn't last long, anyway. Obnoxious in-laws interfering in her life, got interested in a jerk of a married man and ended up spending her life alone and died alone. Depressing."

"Well, yes, I can see you would think that, but she and the captain had a love that will last eternal. Isn't that worth it?" Lynn asked. "Back together, forever."

"I also did not like he changed her name. Her name was Lucy, he should have taken her as she is, not make her something she isn't. To be honest, she was much too pliable a person. She did show a bit of backbone standing up to her mother-in-law, but as the mother-in-law was so obnoxious anyone would stay away from her."

"Wow, you are certainly a man of today, Walter."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You expect women to be strong, you are unaware of the forces against women- many are not expected to be in the sciences, are considered less capable, not as strong, on and on. Do you think you would be where you are today were you female?"

"Yes, I do. When it comes to the sciences, makes no difference who comes up with the solution as long as a solution is found. And it isn't just females. A male doctor came up with the solution to scurvy for British sailors, and he was right- citrus alleviated the condition but the 'conventional' wisdom of the time discounted it for decades and sailors continued to suffer. He was proven right in time but a lot of people suffered in the interim," Walter said. "And when it comes to mathematics- a right answer is a right answer no matter who comes up with it. Look at you and your friend Sue- Richard appreciates your abilities. Think it has more to do with whether women WANT to get into the hard sciences or not, plus, like it or not the biological drive to have children so women curtail their education or employment wants for the greater good of having and nurturing off-spring."

"There are many men who are doing the stay-at-home dad so the wife can return to work. Would you stay home to raise a child?"

Walter laughed at that. "I do not belittle men who take on the role of stay at home parent, but ME? I can just imagine how messed up a child would be should I raise it. I am the younger of a small family, never been around a baby- closest I came to a child the boy was nine years old and a genius so I could relate to his mental isolation and mentored him for years- but in the sciences and mathematics to give him direction for his mental ability so he could attain his full potential. But, he had to go elsewhere for learning social skills, an outlet I lacked as a child, hence the abysmal social interaction I endured over the years and my resultant hibernation in this garage with my computers… as Richard calls me, a garage dwelling hermit in the middle of LA. I have to straighten out, my back aches." So he put his legs over the arm of the sofa and laid flat on half the sofa. Lynn scooted over to put his head on her lap. Putting one hand on his chest and ran her fingers through his dark curly hair with the other.

"Really have to look to see the scars on your scalp. Dr. Peters does some beautiful work, but your hair is growing out nicely. You going to let it continue to grow?"

"As long as you do this, I can let it grow if you like, this feels good. Relaxing." He closed his eyes, raised one hand to put over hers on his chest. "Can actually feel the difference- heart rate lowered, breathing slower."

"Why is this relaxing to you, but not to me?" Lynn asked.

"Because you want more, but are hesitant, maybe? I'm not a Harvard trained behaviorist so have no clue, but I am relaxed because I am content and will await you catching up. As I said on the roof, total agreement, we have all the time in the world for you to come to me."

"What if I can't make that move?"

"So be it, this is nice, relaxing. Being together is enough as long as you want." Walter brought her hand on his chest up to kiss her palm then returned it to his chest. "As long as you want."

Walter actually dozed off.

"Walter, time to hike upstairs to stretch out," Lynn said. "Come on, sleepyhead- the more you sleep the faster you heal."

"Wow, actually fell asleep. Yes, hand me the cane and up we go." Walter rose and straightened up. "Let's put stuff away first. Pizza box in the fridge, dishes and stuff in the dishwasher, set up the coffee, then head on up."

Hiking their way to the loft, at the top Walter turned to Lynn, "you know I now have all the movies here you could possibly want to watch. I give you a blanket invitation to come whenever you want- you know the security code, and I always look forward to seeing you. Thank you for the help, you be careful driving home. Good night, Lynn."

"Good night, Walter." Lynn said going back downstairs to head home. Hearing the Corvair start up and depart, Walter headed to the bathroom to shower. Drying off, rubbing his hair with a towel, he put on clean boxers and t-shirt over the chest wrap to keep ribs supported, then went to the kitchen to set up the coffee maker and on into the bedroom to sleep through the night.
*

Walter awoke Saturday late morning. Been sleeping longer and more restfully the past couple weeks than he has in a long, long time he thought while getting the coffee started- feels good. Maybe his making the decision about Lynn has put his mind at ease. Wonder why she has put me on a pedestal- strange attitude to have, but may be a good thing if it keeps her interested in me. The coffee quit gurgling so he poured a cup and went into the bedroom to get dressed. In jeans and button front shirt he shut off the coffee maker after refilling his cup and went downstairs.

Sitting at his desk, he opened the new laptop to check mail and got to thinking. Lynn's weekend is Monday and Tuesday, with luck she may invite me to stay at her place again so he messaged Richard-

Richard- Rather than Monday, have the driver come Wednesday to go to data center. Will scan Wednesday, probably have software to load Thursday or Friday latest. That can be the schedule until all data centers are up-graded. Walter

Within a few minutes the e-mail alert sounded and Richard's reply came in-

Walter- Wednesday driver will be at the garage at ten. One data center a week until you are fully recovered- per the doctor's check-up. Richard

Walter sat back thinking then hit reply-

Richard- Check-up is Monday. Have discovered the meaning of 'take it easy' and want to continue doing so until 100% which may be more weeks to achieve. Will keep you apprised of condition and when ready to get back to spending time at the space complex. Walter

Walter got up from his desk to go lay on the sofa with legs over the arm. Much more comfortable and easier on the back and ribs- sure will be happy when back to 100% he thought. He got up to get the laptop, then laid back on the sofa again with pillow under his head and the other on his lap to prop up the laptop and wrote to Richard again-

Richard- While 'taking it easy' per doctor's order is good for recovery, am incredibly bored and can only sleep so much. Have a component, system, program, formula that needs study? Send specs, info, plans, and schematics and will work on it. Walter

Nothing came back for some time so he checked a couple science sites but nothing piqued his interest so he set the laptop on the coffee table within reach and dozed off… to awaken to noises in the kitchen. Sitting up he saw the door open so got up to see Lynn bringing in a second box of papers and binders to put on the kitchen table with the first box.

"What is all this? And I have a dolly in the back so quit hauling heavy loads before you damage yourself," Walter said.

"Richard said you need something to do so I was tasked to dump all this crap off so you can make heads or tails of how to make an orbiter over Mars to live in," Lynn said putting the box on the table with the other one. "Not a cheesy, cobbled together orbiter like the space station, but a REAL, well designed, last for a long, long time environment for people to be safe in for extended periods of time- self-contained, self-sufficient, the whole nine yards."

"Why were YOU tasked with hauling so much stuff like this?"

"Because this is a pet project of mine- been collecting ideas, plans, looking at science fiction for possibilities. Richard knew this and thought you might be able to come up with actual real science to get it done, not me and my fantasy," Lynn said with a smile. "I have loads more but just one more box in the car for this trip."

Walter followed her out the door, "here, let me get that."

Lynn slapped his hand from the box in the back seat of the convertible. "Who is buggered up and in recovery and who is healthy, young and spry?" she asked grabbing the box.

"I am hardly ready to be dropped off at Sunny Acres Rest Home, you know. I was beat to crap, not hobbling in old age," Walter said following her back into the garage. "I am a healthy male in my prime."

Lynn put the box on the kitchen table, "HEALTHY?" Lynn asked with a smirk. "Open your shirt."

"Excuse me?"

"Open your shirt," Lynn said standing by the table.

Frowning, Walter unbuttoned his shirt slowly watching Lynn.

"HA!" Lynn pointed and laughed, "See that? You forgot, didn't you? You're still needing the ribs supported, so not so healthy, after all, huh? And where is your CANE, old man?"

"Gods, I never would have thought you would be so nasty. Old man? And yes, HEALTHY, just kinda' busted up," Walter muttered buttoning his shirt.

"How about dinner somewhere then come back and start diving into this stuff?" Lynn asked.

"Open up the back-bay, pull the car in and let's walk the couple blocks to Kovelski's…. I'll get my cane….. that is if you don't mind being seen in public with a decrepit old fart."

"Seriously, old man, sure you are up to a walk that far?"

"The past couple weeks I have walked farther just within the confines of the garage when bored. Put the car in and let's go- see if you can keep up, young whipper-snapper. And show some respect for your elder else I'll thump you with my cane."