34- New Beginnings… chapter thirty-four
Walter was sitting at his desk in the garage having recently been dropped off by Dave after installing the latest data centers security programming. It was three weeks since the Richard catered remodel party, so three more data centers were up-graded. He smiled- was still surprising to see the difference between Gene at work and Gene the motorcycle riding paramour of Happy. Will be interesting to see if there is another 'thank you, LA goofball.' Message the end of the month. He also wondered how the doctor appointment went and if Happy really was pregnant. Being a man, he was puzzled by the drive both Happy and Lynn had for getting pregnant. Yes, he would like to father children- if it were possible, but he was stable enough to understand he may never have children and that life would go on. Must be a female thing he will never comprehend.
Walter was worried about Lynn- she seemed more and more despondent, the pregnancy issue being the problem, and he was at a loss on how to handle it. He studied her to the minutest detail, her behaviors, her mood changes, eating habits and changes, humor, cycle, everything that was a data point he studied and did research on human reproduction and cycles. He suggested her next check-up she discuss with her doctor any tests, monitoring, changes in diet, behaviors that may be beneficial. He decided to await the results of her doctor's suggestions so that, for the time being anyway, he could fall back on the possibility of him being the problem to assuage her fears that there was something wrong with her. She was afraid the physical and sexual abuse she endured years ago may have damaged her internally preventing her from getting pregnant, much less carrying a child full term but refused to discuss her fears. So many years passed to have the experience back to the fore in her thoughts did not bode well for her physical not to mention her mental well-being. What made the issue particularly difficult for Walter was the lack of a source of information for gaining advice. He was not at liberty to discuss Lynn's experience, to his knowledge Richard was the only other to know of it and Walter doubted Richard could advise on how to proceed.
Tina had suicided within a year of their ordeal, Anna found faith and made a family in Tennessee. Walter wondered how long between Anna finding her husband and their having a child- wondered if that was a long ordeal for Anna as well. He hesitated to suggest Lynn contact Anna and inquire as it may have been a short time so impact Lynn adversely, then, maybe she already has messaged Anna.
Walter wondered if maybe he was the problem in truth. Remembering the medical facility where Happy and Toby were checked to discover Toby was the impediment he researched the facility and made an appointment to have himself checked…. not going to be fun, but best to know one way or the other.
Hearing the Corvair pull in by the front door, Walter shut down the desktop unit and pulled his laptop closer to open a search on Zeigfield Follies movies where the dancers made patterns with their bodies. Lynn seemed to get a kick out of those old 1920's movies so might be the thing to lighten her mood after work.
When Lynn walked through the door, Walter looked up and smiled at her, "And how was your day in the test lab?"
"Just another day like any other day. They are all running together. You are going to have to design something to make things interesting," Lynn said leaning on his desk by his chair to lean over and give him a kiss with her rings dangling from her neck.
"Love the look, Lynn," Walter murmured with the kiss. "I put the sea bass in the oven so should be all buttery and lemony done by now. The broccoli, carrots and cauliflower is steaming and should be done. I know you must be hungry after a hard day in the test lab, and I thought one of the old 20's dancing movies would be just perfect for the evening. Bring the car in, close up while I fix the plates. Want to eat on the roof, then shower and watch the movie on the bedroom flat screen?"
"Sounds good, I'll bring the car in."
Walter fixed the two plates, poured coffee for himself and iced tea for Lynn, handing hers when she came through after closing up and setting security. They hiked the steps to the roof to eat while the sun set. Walter had strung solar powered lights, some steady and some blinking inside the wall to make the roof more festive.
"We will have to bring a smoker or grill up here for summer cookouts," Lynn said. "We could invite Sue and Steve and Joe and Ann, even Richard and Zoe. It is nice up here. We will have to get some better patio furniture than this rickety picnic table. You did fall asleep on it, though. That night kinda' got us started."
"One of the most important nights of my life," Walter said looking at Lynn. "You seem pensive, what is troubling you?"
"Nothing, Walter. This fish is perfect this time."
Walter put his plate on the table, took Lynn's to put on the table and then took her hands in his. "Lynn, it does not feel good when you close up and shut me out. Talk to me."
Lynn looked down at their joined hands, "Walter, will you want to divorce me if I can't get pregnant…. give you kids?"
"Lynn, Lynn, you dwell too much on this. Whether we have a flock of kids or none, YOU are the center of my world. As I have said, I love you more than life itself. It has been months since you got off birth control after YEARS being on it. TIME, whether the Arcturus time construct or Earth's- give it time. See the doctor, get completely checked out and I will do the same. When Happy and Toby were so wanting a child, Happy was positive there was something wrong with HER when it turned out to be Toby."
"Yes," Lynn said quietly still looking at their hands. "And she moved on to find a man that could get her pregnant….. maybe you need to find someone who isn't damaged."
"Lynn. Should the problem be with ME, will YOU look for another man? Would you leave me, divorce me to lie with another man that CAN get you pregnant?" Walter put his hand to the side of her face to lean in and kiss her cheek. "You leave me, I truly will be a garage dwelling hermit in the middle of LA as I do not want another woman."
Lynn gave Walter a wane smile. "Yeah, let's finish eating and go watch a movie." They finished eating and took their empty plates to the loft kitchen. Walter rinsed everything then put it in the dishwasher. When he turned the water off he heard water still running indicating Lynn is in the shower without him…. as is happening more often lately. He leaned against the kitchen counter thinking. When she came out of the bathroom, hair already combed out and long nightshirt on, he went into the bedroom.
"Go ahead and pick a movie while I shower," Walter said opening a drawer to get clean boxers and a t-shirt and heading into the bathroom. Emerging from the bathroom he saw Lynn was kicking back on the bed. Walter rubbed his wet hair with a towel then went back in the bathroom to hang the towel to dry and comb his hair then went back to the bedroom to join Lynn on the bed. Lynn had the remote to start the movie and Walter put his arm out for her to lay her head on, but she did not put her arm across his chest to snuggle against him as usual. When she used the remote to start the movie, Walter relaxed but paid more attention to Lynn than the movie. Again unusual, she did not tell him of things to watch for in the film- humorous spots or ancient behaviors compared to today… he also noted when she fell asleep, long before the movie ended for the first time of their sharing her old films. He laid there thinking….. he was losing her bit by bit before his eyes Without waking her he removed his arm and got up and went to the kitchen and started the coffee. While the coffee maker gurgled he went back to stand at the bedroom door watching her regular breaths in sleep. The movie over, flat screen off, but the dim, small table lamp on Walter's side of the bed still on as always at night- just in case. The coffee maker quit gurgling so Walter returned to the kitchen to pour himself a cup, went to the stairs to the roof where jackets were hung on pegs, put one on and got a second and, with his coffee went to sit on the roof. Sitting on the picnic table, feet on the bench, he put the second jacket over his legs and sat to drink his coffee, listen to the sounds of the city and think. Walter half-way wished Toby was available….. may have led Walter astray, but he DID help others…. maybe he could help Lynn. But that is pointless thinking. Toby is in Vegas ruining his life….. a genius, Harvard trained behaviorist shrink incapable of helping himself. Coffee finished, he laid back on the table to look at what stars could be seen with the LA light pollution. Pollution, toxicity….. Lynn had a decent life before meeting Walter- as she said right here on the roof that night she came back to put a blanket over him as he laid on the picnic table- she thought she had a good life, a great job, can count a billionaire as a friend who keeps her confidences, fun times with co-workers, the cars, racing….. until Walter came along to rock her world. A good life- until Walter came along. He managed to give her a few months of a happy life then the O'Brien toxicity returned because he was incapable of helping her- his lack of emotional knowledge, of what to give an emotionally troubled person.
Walter sat up again, putting feet on the bench, elbows on knees and face in his hands. "Gods, gods, gods, I don't know what to do," he quietly intoned to himself, "she's adrift and distancing from me and I can't stop it."
Lynn rolled over searching for the warmth of Walter but he was gone. She sat up and smelled the coffee so got up to see what Walter was doing, but the kitchen was empty. She looked but saw no movement downstairs so went to the stairs to the roof to see two jackets gone from the pegs. She took another down and put it on and went up the stairs to the roof, quietly opening the door she saw him stretched out on the picnic table. She stood there a few moments watching, to see him sit up, putting feet on the bench, elbows on knees and face in his hands. "Gods, gods, gods, I don't know what to do," she heard him quietly say to himself, "she's adrift and distancing from me and I can't stop it."
Lynn stood there watching as Walter rose to walk to the wall and lean on it looking over the side as a car cruised the alley. Hearing what he said, she thought how she was causing more damage to his already troubled mind. He had given her so much- a real chance at a full and loving life while she was hurting him being so focused on herself on an issue she does not really know is a problem.
"Walter," Lynn softly called his name.
Walter turned with surprise, "You startled me, I….I just needed some air."
"I'm sorry, Walter. I have been so very selfish, and my selfishness is affecting both of us, not to mention our relationship and I do not want to jeopardize our happiness for something that we, or should I say, I do not know is a problem." Lynn walked to Walter to put her arms around him and laid her head over his heart. "You are right, I will see the doctor and run any tests they suggest, and see my doctor who helped me with the nightmares. I love you, visitor from Arcturus."
Walter clasped her to him, "more than life itself, Lynn."
Over the following two months both Lynn and Walter made doctor appointments to ensure both were capable of reproduction to find there were no physical impediments with either of them. Re-establishing sessions with her former psychiatrist were of value to Lynn's peace of mind. With her doctor's help she was able to analyze her fears, understand her disappointments, come to grips with the concept that everything won't happen with instant gratification as she wants. That she should enjoy her life having come so far from such psyche destroying experiences to a mutually loving relationship and make the best of every day together.
The last day of each of those months Walter received a message from Gene in Arizona, 'Thanks, LA goofball.' To which Walter replied 'You are very welcome, slow reading Gene."
During those two months Walter and Lynn transported her mound of boxes of gathered space orbiter information- science and science fiction, gleaned from articles, magazines, science journals to the garage and between security coding jobs while Lynn was at work, Walter scanned through the reams of information and set each into the 'claptrap' pile, 'possible' pile, or 'science' pile. File cabinets were put against the back wall of the back-bay to hold the assorted papers for possible future re-assessment.
Coming home from work Sunday evening Lynn walked into the garage to see Walter at his desk, feet up, empty boxes around the desk, three piles of papers on his desk- one large pile, one very small pile, one of a couple pages.
"I see the 'claptrap' pile is getting to Mt Shasta proportions and the 'science' pile to medium mole hill," Lynn laughed as she leaned against his desk by his chair to lean over and give him a kiss, rings swinging on their chain enticingly. Walter rose and wrapped his arms around Lynn, "do so love that look," he murmured in her ear. "I would love even more seeing you with just the rings gracing you. The bay is open, bring the car in, set security I will await you upstairs," Walter whispered unbuttoning his shirt then, ignoring the surprised look on Lynn's face, he went up the stairs to the loft, taking his shirt off as he went.
Lynn watched him go up the stairs, removing his shirt, to turn at the top and open his belt and slip off his jeans and turn to enter the loft….. "Wow," Lynn mumbled. "That sure is some enticement." Thinking of Walter awaiting her presence, she pulled the car in, closed up, set security, and, standing at the bottom of the stairs, wondered if she should hurry or make him wait a bit longer in anticipation. With a smile she slowly went up the stairs. "Walllllllterrrrrr, you waiting for me?" She walked into the bedroom to see the small bedside lamp on and him sitting on the bed to watch her enter the room. She stopped in the doorway, "you said men are visual- what do you want to see?"
Walter rose from the bed, standing some distance from Lynn he looked in her eyes, then scanned down her body to return to stare in her eyes knowing she could see his physical reaction to just looking at her. He walked to her and leaned in to kiss her while running his hands up her back. He stepped back and went down on a knee to remove her shoes, then slip off her jeans to kiss her stomach, wrapping his arms around her hips. He stood up to remove her shirt, then bra so only her rings were hanging between her breasts. He slipped his hands along her ribs to push down her panties so she at last was graced by her rings only, her lips parted and breathing quickened, her eyes wide. He kissed her deeply to explore her mouth with his tongue while gently grasping her hips to pull her against him. He picked her up bridal fashion to lay her on the bed, the dark blue sheets matching her eyes then stood watching her, her chest heaving, sexually aroused.
"Do you love me, Lynn?" Walter quietly asked her as he lay down next to her, placing a hand on her stomach to slowly raise it to her breast as he leaned over to kiss her neck, then cheek, then her parted lips, again exploring her with his tongue.
"Gods, yes," Lynn gasped reaching for him.
"Do you want me, Lynn?" Walter quietly asked. "Do you really want me?"
"Gods, yes, Walter, I love you, I want you."
Walter leaned over and passionately captured her mouth and pulled her on top of him. Lynn grasped him in position to take him in with a gasp, "gods, Walter, I love you." He reached down to pleasure her to ensure her satisfaction and quickly he felt her pulsing as she sighed, "I love you, I love you…" She collapsed onto his chest and he rolled over to rise above her. "Lynn, do you love me?" he asked as he slowed the pace giving her time to recover.
Lynn looked up into his eyes, "I love only you. I've never loved anyone but you."
Walter quickened his pace, "Do you want only me?"
"I've never wanted anyone but you… only you…..oooooonly you…. GODS!" she cried as she climaxed around him again clutching his hips and he slowed to give her time to recover.
"I love you, Lynn, I love you," Walter whispered as he thrust as deep as he could as fast as he could, he reached down to open her to each thrust to feel her meet every move with her own to again climax as did he with a gasping groan, staying still with his eyes closed just relishing the exquisite feeling of her surrounding him. He finally laid next to her and wrapped her up in his arms. He reached over and pulled a blanket over them and she curled against him. "I do love you Walter," Lynn murmured, "and only you."
"As I love you. Sleep, love. It has been an exhausting evening."
It was midmorning when they awoke, both wrapped up in a tangle of arms and legs, Lynn's hair a wild tangle of blonde tresses all over his chest as Walter's wild mane of black curls lay on her shoulder and the pillow. Lynn opened her eyes, to slowly blink then focus on him as his dark, deep gaze focused on her with a slight smile.
"Good morning, Lynn. Sleep well?"
Lynn smiled, "what you do to me, Walter." She started to untangle but he put a hand on her side, "Just lay still, Lynn. It is your weekend, we have nothing we HAVE to do, nowhere we HAVE to be, no one we HAVE to contact, just kick back, relax in my arms and stay warm against me…. think I could doze off a bit longer. I sleep better with you here with me." He kissed her forehead and squeezed her gently. "I do so love feeling you against me, smooth and warm…. I even detect a faint strawberry scent from your hair."
"What is with you?" Lynn asked with a big grin. "You trying to starve me? No dinner last night, no breakfast this morning and I REALLY must use the facilities."
"OK," Walter said with a smile. "Then come back to bed to relax and enjoy each other's company? What a lovely way to spend the morning…. might even get a bit playful."
"Is this some kind of Arcturus celebration, anniversary….. interplanetary holiday or maybe your time constructs birthday?" Lynn said with a big grin jogging into the bathroom to return, "ahhh, the pause that refreshes."
"An old soda commercial, right?" Walter said smiling and holding his arms open for her to join him.
Lynn sat on the side of the bed, "Seriously, Walter. What has you so amorous? Last night I lost count due to brain frazzle from you and here you are talking about getting a bit playful?"
Walter looked at Lynn with a smile, "here you are, sitting on the side of the bed within my reach with nothing on but your rings, KNOWING I am extremely fixated on the visual of you and you ask me why I am so amorous? Look what you have done to me already, just sitting there, that diamond sparkling little rainbows onto your skin…. your smooth, warm skin….." he said as he leaned over to kiss her putting an arm around her to wrap her up against his chest. "I gave you brain frazzle last night?" he asked nuzzling her neck, "how about some morning brain frazzle…." He reached down to bring her leg to straddle his hips then captured her mouth to start the morning brain frazzle where she lost count again.