Monday morning came quickly and the sense of inevitable dread crept into Addison's body. On top of having no one to sit with at lunch, auditions were Wednesday and she wasn't sure she wanted to put herself in the position to be laughed at, when she didn't meet anyone's expectations. She was standing at her locker, changing out her books between classes when Joss approached her. They only had two classes together, and it was a relief. Joss was bold and always in the limelight and it took a lot of energy to deal with her. Joss was drama, and she knew it drove Joss crazy that she tried not to engage.

"So, are you dating Cam?" Joss asked, walking up to Addison's locker.

"What?" She responded, completely shocked. It was out of nowhere.

"That picture you posted. Are you and Cam a thing now?"

"I don't owe you any explanations."

"So that's a yes."

"No, Cam and I have been friends our entire lives. What's the big deal? It's a picture. You're being ridiculous."

"The big deal is you knew I liked him."

"Seriously, Joss? How would I know that?"

"We've only grown up together. Our parents are friends."

"That doesn't mean we are."

"True, you are a friendless freak and–"

"Everything ok here, girls?" Mrs. Miller, the freshman guidance counselor asked as she rounded the corner.

"Yeah, everything's fine." Addison said as she closed her locker and walked down the hall. Why would she think she's dating Cam? They were friends. That was all and besides there was no way Cam liked her like that. No way.

Tuesday night, Addison tried to sleep, but the thoughts running through her head, every worst case scenario about tomorrow kept playing on a loop. She liked to sing, it was an escape, just like when she got lost in a good novel. But she didn't want it to become one more thing she was expected to do, and do well. She didn't want to lose her love for music in the endless amount of expectations from everyone around her. She was afraid singing for other people, came with more than she could handle. She saw what it did to her oldest sister, and although their circumstances were different, she didn't want the pressure that came with this choice. On the other hand, it was high school, not some high profile music career, and she didn't want to let her father down. She didn't want him to worry about her. She got up and went downstairs for a glass of water. She didn't expect to see her mother still up, working in the living room.

Alexis looked up from her notes, the third version of her argument almost complete and saw her daughter at the bottom of the stairs. "Addison? What are you doing up? It's pretty late."

"I couldn't sleep."

"Come sit with me." Alexis said, setting down the legal pad and pen on the coffee table as Addison went and sat next to her mother on the sofa. "Let's talk it through."

Addison sat and played with the fringe on the nearby blanket, not sure she actually wanted to voice what had been going through her head all night, but deep down she missed talking to her mother. She just hesitated now because she didn't want to be seen as a failure. She wasn't her sister, and the bar for success at Madison was set pretty high.

"What's worrying you, Addie?" She asked as she tucked her daughter's hair behind her ear.

"I don't know, everything I guess." She was deliberately vague.

"Everything is pretty big, think you can narrow it down for me?"

She nodded, caving in, finally making eye contact with her mother. "I had this dream…I panicked and froze during my audition in front of the other kids at school and it freaked me out. Everyone wants me to do it, and expects me to do well, and I even think I want to audition, but I don't know if I really want to. I know I'm not making any sense."

"No, it makes perfect sense."

"It's like I want to want to audition."

"That's your brain's way of trying to protect you from taking a risk with something you care about."

"How do you know?"

"I just do. I've learned that your head can convince you something is true, that isn't. It's just the angst about whatever it is taking hold."

"How? Have you ever felt this way about anything, Mom?"

She closed her eyes, her question bringing up all sorts of conflicting emotions. "Once."

"Will you tell me about it?"

"It was complicated, baby. And a long time ago. But, it taught me that sometimes you need to find a way to silence those thoughts and just listen to your heart."

"Please? I'm not a little kid anymore."

She sighed, "I know…but some things are best unrevisited. They're best kept in the past."

"Mom, please, your stories always help."

She looked into her daughter's big brown eyes pleading with her and couldn't say no. She was finally talking to her again. She wanted her daughter to come to her again and she had. She needed to keep the line of communication open. "Ok…but before I tell you about this you need to know that it doesn't change anything about how much I love my family. You kids and your father, you're my world and my heart."

"I know you love us. So will you tell me about it?"

Alexis nodded as she ran her hand through her daughter's hair. "Before your dad and I got married...I made the mistake of not talking to him about how I was feeling….And I hurt your dad in a way I never thought I could because I panicked. I was frozen to my own anxiety."

"About what mom? You're always so sure about everything. I wish I could be as fearless as you."

"I'm glad you think that, but it's not true. I've just learned how to channel that anxiety and fear into other things. But that's how I hurt daddy; I tried to hide…" She paused second guessing if reliving this with her 14 year old was the right thing to do. "I hoped I'd never need to tell you about this. I've only ever truly talked about this with your father."

"Not even with Krissy?"

"No, not even your sister."

"You can trust me, Mom. I won't tell anyone. What were you afraid of?" She liked the idea of having a secret with her mom. One she didn't share with her older sister.

"I know, peanut." She said, pausing, trying to formulate her thoughts in a way that would help her daughter make sense of this part of her past, while easing some of her daughter's anxiety. "I was afraid of getting married, even though deep down, in my heart, I knew I wanted to marry your father…that he was my person…But because I was worried I'd hurt your dad by talking about my fear; I was powerless when it took control on the day of our wedding and… " She paused, it was a painful memory and the look on Ned's face that day broke her heart to think about. "I literally ran away from him, in a state of sheer panic. I thought I wanted to want to marry him, when that was the farthest thing from the truth."

"You left daddy at the altar?" Alexis nodded, trying to gauge her daughter's reaction. "Why? You love each other so much."

"Until I met your dad, I had never had anyone in my life that loved me unconditionally. That no matter what I did or said, they'd be there and I was afraid that I'd lose him. But it's because he loved me unconditionally, that we worked past what happened. And, ultimately, your dad showed me risks were worth taking and we were able to build our life together. Now we have you and Krissy and Owen and I wouldn't trade a single second of it. Marrying your dad was the best decision I ever made. It just took me realizing that I needed to trust the people who love me … to talk to them about how I was feeling and then anything was possible. You'll never have to know what that's like because your dad and I love you that way, you know. You can tell us anything. We aren't going to judge you for how you feel. So, if you want to take a risk, put yourself out there and audition, you should. But if you don't, that's ok, too. We love you, Addison Grace, and we are here to listen and support you no matter what. Trust that, ok?"

She nodded. "I'm really glad you're my mom."

"I'm really glad I'm your mom, too." She pulled her daughter into a hug, "What do you say we both go try and get some sleep."

"I love you, Mom." Addison said as she stood.

"I love you more." She stood, wrapped her arm around Addison and kissed the top of her head before they both went upstairs. Alexis watched her daughter head back into her room and then walked into the bedroom she shared with her husband and slid into bed next to Ned. She leaned into him and kissed him softly on the lips, waking him out of the light sleep he had fallen into as he waited for her to finally stop working. "Did you finish your opening argument?" He asked sleepily.

She leaned in and kissed him again and he responded this time. "Thank you for loving me," she whispered, running her hand through his hair.

"Always." He said pulling her closer and she rested her head on his chest.