Life seemed to settle, aside from the constant fighting, which was starting to drive everyone into their separate corners. Ned and Alexis tried not to fight in front of their children, but it was getting harder to avoid and in response both Addison and Owen tried to find ways to cope. Addison sat downstairs curled up with a blanket and a book when Owen came down, presumably to play his stupid game, Addison thought to herself. She thought she had finally found a room that would be quiet and she couldn't hear her parents arguing, but now she'd have to tolerate Owen talking to his friends playing out fictional soccer tournaments in a video game she swore never changed despite the fact he insisted it did when a new one was released each year. "They still fighting?" She asked as her brother entered the room.
"Yeah, I came down here to escape." Owen said plainly.
"Me too." She agreed as she went back to her book and Owen went to turn on his game console, but before he could get completely entrenched she asked, "do you think they'll figure this out? It's never been like this before."
"I don't know. I was texting Kristen the other day. She said it was bad once before when she was little, and she remembers them fighting a lot when you were just a baby and I was too young to remember, but she wouldn't tell me anything else. I think she knows something, but doesn't want to freak us out." Owen sat on the opposite end of the sofa and reached for his game controller.
"When's she back? I'm still pissed at her, but we kind of need her here. Maybe she can get Dad to listen to reason. There's no way Mom is going to budge."
"I agree."
"You don't think they'll get divorced, do you?"
"I don't know. Are you worried about that? We can't control it."
"Owen, if I tell you something, will you swear on your life you won't tell a soul? Because Mom told me something and knowing this combined with how much they are fighting. It is freaking me out. A lot."
"I swear. What?" He asked putting down his game and fully turning his attention to his sister.
"Like legit, you can't tell anyone. I promised Mom I wouldn't say anything. She really didn't want us to know and it's kinda a big deal considering how they're acting."
"I promise you I won't tell anyone. What did Mom say?"
"It's more like something she did to Dad, before they had us."
"Shit, Adds you're freaking me out now."
"Mom left Dad at the altar, like ran away because she was so panicked about getting married." She felt terrible betraying her mom's trust like this, but it felt good to actually talk about why she was so worried about the potential for divorce.
"What?" He was shocked. His parents always seemed like they just fit, it didn't make sense.
"I know, right. It's hard to imagine. But it's true. I even asked Dad about it. He said he had to forgive her because he loved her so much and she said that it was the worst mistake of her life. But like if there was this other universe where this happened, where they may not have gotten married and we wouldn't exist, maybe it means they might get divorced. That it's possible."
"I mean, yeah, I guess knowing this changes what I think, too. Thanks for telling me. Sometimes I feel like I'm left in the dark. Kristen is so obsessed with ELQ, she has that with Dad and you and Mom, you just get each other. I kind of just exist in the middle. I mean I'm good with both Mom and Dad, I don't know what I'm trying to say. I know you're good with Dad, too, you have music."
"Owen, you're their favorite. Don't you know that?"
"What? No, you're the favorite. You're the baby."
"Owen, you never get in trouble…for anything. Not with Dad, not with Mom. Never. Look at what happened with myFace. I got busted and lost my phone for a week for calling Joss a bitch. You joined a private group that is so disgusting I don't even want to think about it and they are proud of you for trying to do the right thing and saying something weeks later. They don't even bother you about school. They just trust you'll figure it out."
"I guess you have a point."
"You're the favorite, Owen. You're their only boy." She couldn't believe he didn't realize it, but she also couldn't believe that he also thought she was the favorite when in her mind she so clearly wasn't.
"Hey, can I actually ask you about school for a minute?" It was rare they spent time together and he was curious about what he'd seen.
"Yeah, what's up?"
"Why are you sometimes sitting at that table with Hope and her friends? Sometimes I've even seen Morgan sit there. "
"They asked me to sit with them. It's better than sitting alone or being called out for going to the library."
"I wouldn't trust them, Addie. And Morgan, I heard he just got busted down on the docks for doing something for one of his dad's enemies."
"I don't talk to Hope outside of school. She's pretty fake. And I know to stay away from Morgan. He's unstable on a good day. I can't control where he sits."
"He's one of the people who made the list, Adds, just be careful is all I'm saying."
"I'm aware and I will. Thanks for trying to look out for me, though. I'm pretty hungry, think it's safe to surface?"
"Maybe?"
"Want anything?"
"No, I'm ok. Good luck." He said as his sister went upstairs and he picked the controller back up and turned on his soccer game.
Addison climbed the stairs and sighed when she heard her parents still fighting. This was a huge one and there seemed to be no end in sight. She walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge, grabbed a yogurt and she sat at the counter and ate it, trying to block out her parents' argument in the living room, but the more she heard, the more anxious she became that she was right. The only way this was ending was in divorce.
"Why can't you let this go? I don't understand." Alexis asked.
"I need you there. After what happened last time I was preparing to be CEO, I need someone I can trust."
"I love you, but I told you. I'm not interested and I appreciate that you think so highly of me that you think only I will do. But there are plenty of capable corporate attorneys out there you can hire."
"Just temporarily. Just until everything is settled and the company is on solid ground. Honey, just compromise."
"I won't compromise with my career, Ned." She said as she crossed to the other side of the room.
"I'm not asking you to throw yourself into a volcano, Alexis." He replied completely exasperated and she turned to face him again.
"Maybe we need some time apart. Maybe distance will help put this in perspective for you. We can't keep doing this. I can't keep doing this."
"We survived a mad woman. We survived Helena staging our son's death. We got through everything that transpired with your postpartum anxiety after Addison."
She looked at him surprised he'd even bring that up. It was hard on all of them, but it sounded like blame and he had never indicated he felt that way before. He could tell he was getting to her, and maybe took her off guard bringing up what happened after Addison's birth, maybe it was too far, but he was on a roll and he continued full steam ahead. "Hell we survived you leaving me at the altar, but now, now you want to separate? Over ELQ?"
"I can't believe you just threw that in my face–again." He did it. He crossed a line she feared there was no coming back from.
"It's the truth." He was adamant.
"Well, it's not ELQ. It's the fact that you can't or won't hear what I've been telling you. And I get that you're still grieving and I'm trying. I really am, but this has got to stop. I haven't changed my position and I don't intend to."
"No, you haven't changed at all."
"Stop! Just stop fighting!" Addison yelled as she entered the living room, taking them both off guard. Hearing she could have been a reason they had fought in the past and then they brought up their non-wedding. It sent her into a spiral. She couldn't take it.
"Addison…" Ned said, empathetically.
"I can't listen to you anymore. I can't." She said as she started to feel the room close around her and her mouth went dry as she backed against the wall. "I can't–I can't breathe."
"Addie, sit down, right there where you are. Try and take a deep breath." Addison breathed in and slid to the floor as Alexis immediately went to sit next to her and started rubbing her back. "Tell me three things you see right now."
Addison looked around; trying to breathe. Trying to focus. "The navy blue chair, and daddy's shoes, and, uh, the table by the door."
"That's good, baby, keep taking deep breaths, what are some things you can feel?"
"The floor is cool, and you're rubbing my back, and, umm, my sweatshirt is soft." She said, calming down as her mother continued to comfort her.
"Do you think you can stand up?" Addison nodded as Alexis helped her stand and walked her over to the sofa and Ned sat on the table in front of them both, concerned for his little girl.
"What, what was that?" Addison asked, in total disbelief that anything like that could happen to her.
"That was a panic attack, sweetheart." Alexis answered, having recognized it immediately.
"How did you…? How did you know what to do?"
"I've had them. Can you tell us what you're worried about?"
"You. That you're getting divorced." She started to ramble. "And then where will Owen and I go? Who will we live with? But most kids live with their mom and I don't want to only see Daddy on the weekend, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't want to live with you Mom and you said that I didn't need to worry about this Daddy. And now I do." She took a breath as tears fell from her eyes.
"Shh, it's ok, you're ok." Alexis said, pulling her into a hug.
"We aren't getting divorced." Ned said calmly and moved to sit next to his daughter, while making eye contact with Alexis.
"But you haven't stopped fighting."
"Addison, you've seen us fight before. Sometimes couples fight," Alexis said.
"But not like this, you're being so awful to each other. This isn't you. It's like you're different people."
"You're not wrong about that and I'm sure that's scary for you," Ned said.
"So you're not getting divorced? Why did you say you wanted to be apart?" She directed her questions to her mother.
"No decisions have been made." Alexis said plainly. She wasn't going to lie to her daughter. Things were deteriorating at a rate that surprised her and she couldn't deny it was possible. At the very least separation seemed likely at this point unless something drastic changed.
"That's not, no." She started to get upset again and Alexis tried to wipe her daughter's tears.
"Hey, hey, listen to us ok, we love you and we do love each other." Ned jumped in and put his arm around his daughter.
"We do." Alexis said, certain, making eye contact with her husband, before turning her attention back to their daughter. "And if anything changes that you need to know about, we'll talk it through as a family like we've done everything else. I promise you that. But that's all I can promise you right now. It's going to have to be good enough, peanut, ok?
"I guess." She sighed.
"Can I ask you a question now?" Alexis inquired.
"Sure." She said, calming down.
"Have you ever felt that way before? So overwhelmed with thoughts you can't think clearly?"
"Almost everyday. But never so bad that I couldn't breathe, that was the first time that happened. I can usually distract myself and it goes away."
"How long has this been going on, princess?" Ned worried.
"I don't know. As long as I can remember. I worry about things all the time, doesn't everyone?"
"Yes, we all worry sometimes. But this seems like maybe there's more." Ned explained what he was thinking.
"You think there's something wrong with me?" She asked, trying not to get upset again.
"No, no, you're perfect. We just want to understand, so we can help. So this doesn't happen again." Ned said, trying to calm her fear.
"Are there times when you feel that way more than others?" Alexis asked.
"I'm ok, you guys are overreacting." She wasn't going to let them know it happened a lot at school. That between feeling pressured in math, everything with Joss and now being targeted on that list she could barely concentrate. Everytime a boy at that school looked at her she felt uneasy now. It took everything in her to make it through the day. And now with her parents fighting, it was constant.
Ned sighed, and Alexis kissed her daughter's forehead and then said, "Addison, if something feels too big for you to handle you'd come to us, right?"
"Right. I guess I'll let you keep talking." Addison said.
"Thanks, sweetheart." Ned said as they both waited until she was out of earshot to finish the conversation that had turned into a full blown fight.
"And what just happened is exactly why you need to drop this campaign to get me to work at ELQ, because it's affecting our kids, Ned. We can't keep fighting like this. Addison has enough to deal with. She doesn't need to be worried about us, too. And I'm certain it's impacting Owen. Just because he would never initiate a conversation about how he feels with us doesn't mean it's not."
"I'm sure Owen is handling everything, ok. Do you think we should follow up with Addison's pediatrician about this panic attack? I know she insisted she's fine, but…" He ignored her comment about ELQ, she was right; making sure their kids were ok was more important at that moment.
"But, she has a habit of masking what's truly going on. I truly hoped none of our kids would inherit that part of me."
"She's ok," he said, and she let him take her hand. "So should we call?"
"It can't hurt. She shouldn't have to deal with panic attacks like that and if she had one, there will likely be more. If we can prevent that, we should. I'll make an appointment in the morning."
Meanwhile, Addison had gone back downstairs to tell Owen what she heard. Both of them were now certain that their parents were on the road to divorce and they didn't want to think about it, so they agreed to watch a movie. They'd try and distract themselves and hope they were wrong.