And there's an emptiness in the soul...

And only a muffled heartbeat.

And all around is darkness

A foretaste of unknown punishment

I looked for you

But I've run into a blank wall

There's no escape from the rain

And there's no hope of change

People are wrong again

The days go by without a trace

There's a voice in the darkness

Playing hide-and-seek With my dreams again

I'm living without Faith

I have lost hope somewhere.

I don't call for you

I know you will not come, just as you did before.

It is a Burden to live thus:

In total Darkness without a ray of happiness.

It is a burden to love

Without answer, without power, without authority...

The ancient castle, having seen in its lifetime more than one story of Hatred and Love, silently laughed at the insignificance of her experiences.

Narcissa Black, absentmindedly fingering the edge of a silver-green scarf, looked out the window at the snowy expanses of Hogwarts grounds. Just a little bit left before Christmas ... How quickly time flies.

Almost two months have passed since the memorable "conversation" with Sirius. Two endless and fleeting months. It was already December outside the window, and Narcissa, no matter how hard she tried, could not remember a single remarkable moment in all two months. Although no, perhaps there was one after all.

Sirius was still a faceless student in the rival faculty. He did not speak to Narcissa, obviously did not think about her. After all, if he was thinking about her, he would not be so distant. True? All these weeks she was never alone with him. At the end of November, they earned a potions collection together. He - for having thrown some muck into Snape's potion, from which his cauldron exploded. Fortunately, Snape was not hurt, moreover, he managed to knock down and cover Narcissa, which caused a flurry of ridicule from the Gryffindors. She - because she could not stand it, because all patience comes to an end, and for the first time in her life she did this in a childish way: she grabbed a frog liver and with all her might launched it towards Black and Potter. The result was a double penalty that they had to work off Friday night. Black became strangely quiet upon learning of this, while Narcissa was delighted in her soul. Finally, she will be able to express to this narcissistic turkey everything she thinks about his manners. And everything, of course, would have been as she decided, if Black had not volunteered to accompany Potter and Evans for collection.

Judging by the look on Potter's face, he didn't quite understand why he had dragged himself into the hated office. Lily, on the other hand, was seething with enthusiasm and for a good couple of hours gave good advice on how best to clean test tubes and cauldrons. Narcissa said nothing, save for a monosyllabic response to Potter's "hello." Neither Lily nor Sirius said hello. As soon as the cleaning of the room came to an end, Narcissa flew out of the office like a bullet. Once again, the girl realized that she was behaving like a round idiot, and vowed to throw this damn Sirius Black out of her head, and at the same time, if possible, arrange a cheerful life for Lily.

And now, looking out the window at the plain stretching in front of the castle, Narcissa whispered softly:

"Damn you, Lily Evans."

No one would accuse her of any malicious intent. It's just that centuries pass and very important things are forgotten. Sometimes a few short words uttered by the Veela in a fit of anger are picked up by the north wind and carried away to the ends of the Earth. But several years pass, the wind returns, and then a terrible destiny comes true. Who can blame a sixteen-year-old girl with a broken heart for the fact that a few years later, Lily Evans tragically died defending her one-year-old son? Perhaps it really could have been avoided if Lily had behaved differently. But it often happens: one girl imagines herself to be a judge and arbiter of the court, knowing - for whom and how it will be better; the other, feeling that she was losing something very important, could not contain her evil words. Only what has been done cannot be returned, and the words spoken cannot be deleted from the Book of Life.

Narcissa raised her head, sighed, and, putting a happy smile on her face, went to the infirmary. It was there that her "precious" betrothed, who fell off his broomstick during today's match, was located. And now she, without even changing her clothes, right in the uniform of a cheerleader, goes to visit him with a smile, and there is a stack of sandwiches in her backpack. She will make the perfect wife. It will be better for everyone.

A few hours earlier, Lucius had been experiencing a strange sensation while playing this game. Time has not yet healed the wounds left by the shame in the last game, although almost two months have passed. Two months of Black's triumph. Lucius hoped that Gryffindor would fail in the next game. After all, two key players were injured. Aha, I was dreaming!

The Gryffindor-Hufflepuff match took place two weeks after that devastating game. Matthew Dillan had not yet removed the restraints from his hands and, naturally, could not enter the field - Madam Pomfrey always insisted on precautions when using healing potions. Due to the fast pace, the bones could not heal correctly. Therefore, most of the students still sported bandages and plaster casts for some time after serious injuries. Black's wrist was also fixed. Sitting on the podium that day, Lucius wondered what the vaunted Potter would do - they had a problem with the spare. Everything turned out to be simple: a spare hunter came out of the locker room. Lucius remembered him from last year - a smart kid ... he would have liked to have played in the last game. Black was the last to come out. After the whistle, he took a position on the rings. Lucius saw that the injury hindered him: he worked more with his right hand, and if he had to take the ball with both hands, for a while then he shook his left hand and corrected something there. But ... he played. And he took almost no balls. Lucius watched the game with irritation and could not wait for the end of the match. He was angry at Gryffindor's victory.

And today he has a chance to prove that he is the best, and all these triumphs of Black are an accident.

Taking a position at the rings, Lucius began to watch closely the Seeker of his team. He was not the captain, did not have some kind of decisive vote in the team and, to be honest, did not worry too much about how the reserve catcher would prove himself. Due to an injury sustained in training, Flint was unable to play, and Severus Snape was full of mysteries and could well both fail the match and pull him out. This has happened before. What, what, and the stability of the result, he did not differ.

But Lucius was not looking at him at all in order to predict the outcome of the game. I just really didn't want to look at the blue dots hovering over the field. But he had to: a kwofle flew in his direction. Lucius intercepted him and sent him to Fred Zabini, who was immediately shot through by blue lightning. The hunters clashed and scattered with smiles. Fred managed to throw the ball to Davis and once again smiled at the Ravenclaw hunter. Previously, Lucius, like others, was amused when two "fourth" numbers of both teams with the same names on their backs collided on the field. It was, perhaps, the most correct fight involving a Slytherin player. Frida smiled back at her brother and darted in the direction of the transmission directed to her. She went one on one with the goalkeeper and shot hard. Strongly, but past, and without looking at Lucius, flew to the center. In truth, he was not sure if he could take this ball if it flew into the ring. All his thoughts were directed in one direction. For what? The question, as always, flew into space and remained unanswered.

Longingly, Lucius gazed at the name on the robes of this strange girl with impossibly green eyes. At that moment, he saw only her and too late noticed another player flying towards his rings. An attempt to rush across the flying ball was resolutely stopped by the opponent's bludger. I think Lucius was talking about the humanity of the other beaters and the immunity of the Slytherin goalkeeper last time? Well, everything flows, everything changes. He did not have time to finish the thought: the world swayed and knocked the fair-haired young man into cold blackness.

Opening his eyes, Lucius didn't immediately know where he was. He lay in the snow and saw a bright blue sky. Strange ... for some reason it used to be gray. It took five seconds to recognize in the "bright blue sky" the mantle of the Ravenclaw national team player. Lucius tried to turn, and a sharp pain shot through his head; he groaned involuntarily.

"Quiet, don't move," came a familiar and soothing voice.

Lucius opened his eyes and drowned in two green lakes.

"Hello," he croaked.

At that moment, he noticed a violent activity around. Madame Pomfrey appeared, Frida was pushed aside, and Lucius was again covered with blackness.

"It's because she left. It's always dark without her, "he managed to think and fell into oblivion.

Lucius woke up in the infirmary. It was empty and cool. He pulled the covers up higher. My head ached desperately, but the room gradually stopped rotating. A couple of minutes later, the noise of the screen being pulled back was heard and ...

How beautiful she was. For this moment, he would have readily jumped off the broomstick himself.

"Are you awake yet?" the girl asked with a smile.

"Yes!"

"How are you feeling? Madam Pomfrey said it would be okay, but I sneaked in here."

"You could have been seen. You shouldn't have."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"Never!"

There was an awkward pause. Frida was sitting on the chair in front of the bed, fiddling with the sleeves of her blue and white sweater.

"You look great, as always ..." said the young man.

"Thank you. How is Narcissa?"

Lucius turned away despite the sharp pain.

"I ask because you are dear to me."

"Then ask how I am?" he said, turning. "I feel bad without you. I ..."

"Lucius. The last time I said something stupid. You are right. You are doing your father's will. This is as it should be."

"What if I don't want to?"

"Sorry, I have to go. Get well."

With these words, the girl stood up abruptly and moved towards the exit.

"Frida ... Frida!"

Lucius twitched after her, but then, as if cut off, fell onto the pillows. My eyes stung strangely. He blinked furiously. For some reason, the thought did not leave him that Frida wanted to answer something completely different.

Lucius stared up at the indifferent ceiling of the infirmary.

"If I ever have a son, I would never do that. I will ask about his feelings, about his desires. I will never break my son's life. "

So thought seventeen-year-old Lucius Malfoy, not yet knowing that two years would pass and he would indeed have a son. And it will be just right to remember this oath, made to himself in the Hogwarts infirmary. But he will not remember ... and will deprive his son of his childhood, because his son will suddenly be able to resist his father, which Lucius himself did not manage to do. Lucius learned from his father that the rebellious must be broken. His son will have another motto - he will be sure that the cells need to be broken. This will be the difference between father and son, and this will be their tragedy.

However, now Lucius firmly believed that he would fulfill this promise and make his son happy. Because he felt bad, because this faceless screen had just hidden the dearest person from him. She left and it was scary. She loved, but still left, and it was wrong.

The screen drew back again, Lucius snapping out of his daze. He stared with mad hope at the girl who entered and realized that it was foolish to hope for a repeat of the miracle.

"Hi," Narcissa said with a smile, "how are you?"

"Fine…"

"I brought you sandwiches."

"Thanks, I'm not hungry," he chuckled. "Entering the role of a diligent wife?"

If he wanted to hurt her, he failed. The girl just smiled calmly.

"I'm trying."

How could he know that this is exactly what she decided to do from today. Because there's nothing left.

"Frida Zabini came to see me," Lucius said for some reason. I just really wanted to hurt this cold-blooded and calm beauty.

"I know. We met in the hallway."

It didn't work out again.

"I'm tired," Lucius growled.

"Okay. If you need anything, pass the note. Get well."

She got up from her chair and, adjusting his pillow, hurried out.

Lucius's anger cleared up. It's strange. Didn't he dream of a beautiful and submissive wife? Everything is decent and predictable, to the envy of all purebred families. Not! He was ready to live with an unpredictable nightmare, if only this phenomenon of family life was named Frida Zabini.

Narcissa walked silently through the empty corridors of Hogwarts and saw nothing around. She made up her mind. She will forget him and become a good wife. Decision is made. It just doesn't get any easier. The legs themselves led the girl into the musical living room. This room was used when the soul wanted something bright. Sunlight of a clear frosty day poured through the huge, all-wall window. Seats for spectators were located along the left wall in several tiers. Sometimes small home concerts were held here. All the necessary tools were brought here, except for one. In the center of the large room there was always an ancient enchanted grand piano. He never fell silent. It was said that for more than a thousand years the sounds of his amazing melodies were reflected from the walls of this room, forcing many generations of students to listen to them and recognize the sound of their hearts. It was created by Candida Ravenclaw. She believed that music can melt anger and envy in young hearts. Who knows, maybe visiting this room prevented more than one tragedy over the long ten centuries.

Narcissa went to the carved grand piano. She knew that it was worth touching the keys, and the melody would cease, waiting for the continuation from the hands of the musician, who risked arguing with the sounds of Eternity. The girl sat down on a soft ottoman with curved legs and touched the keys with cold fingers. I thought for a second, and then began to play.

From childhood she was taught music and vied with each other: the girl has a rare gift to convey unimaginable emotions. Narcissa paid little heed to the praise. She was talented and, as is often the case with talented people, talented in everything: from horse riding to cross-stitching, from growing roses to painting. Everything was given to Narcissa with ease, so her heart was not attached for a long time to any of the childhood hobbies. Except him. And now, thinking about this childish whim, sunny joy and thunderous nightmare of her whole life, she played in a way that she probably never played either before or after that day. It's just that now she understood what she was playing about and what she was transmitting to the world at that moment with the help of an old piano. The sounds poured in an incessant stream: they collided somewhere near the ceiling, reflected from the old faceless walls, flew off the window glass with a slight clink, filling this room with the life and longing of a young heart. When everything that had accumulated in her soul splashed out, Narcissa looked at her hands, as if not believing that it was her music, the melody of her life. In the ensuing silence, low applause sounded sharply. The girl turned around. Remus Lupine stood in the doorway with his back against the jamb.

"I've never heard anything like it," he said quietly, entering the room.

Narcissa smiled and stood up from the piano. A sad melody immediately filled the room. As if an ancient instrument was crying about parting with a girl, or maybe he just felt sorry for the wounded young heart.

The girl went to the bottom row for the audience and sat down on a soft ottoman. Remus took this as an invitation and walked over to sit on the next one. Narcissa stared at the floor and was silent, so Lupine risked breaking the silence first.

"How are you?"

The girl shrugged her shoulders vaguely and, instead of answering, asked:

"How is he?"

No one said the name, but Lupine understood who the melody was about and who Narcissus might be asking about.

"Fine. Pretends to have fun."

"Why is he pretending?" Narcissa looked up at Lupine. "Did something happen to him?"

Lupine shivered under the gaze of clear gray eyes. Young girls don't look like that. The look was the wisdom of the ages or the severity of the decision. Or maybe both.

"He left home," Lupine managed with difficulty.

"I knew it would be this way. Don't leave him alone, please. He is a collective being," Narcissa chuckled. "Without you, he will be lost."

"Narcissa," Lupine began, but the girl suddenly interrupted him.

"Why does Evans hate me so much?"

"Where did you get that?" the guy said.

"She did her best to prevent me from talking to Sirius."

"You see," the young man began carefully choosing his words, "Lily is actually very kind, and didn't want to offend anyone, just ... She doesn't want to hurt Sirius."

"Who is she to decide what's best for Sirius! Only I know that," Narcissa blurted out. "You wouldn't upset our meeting, would you?"

After a short silence, Lupine raised his head and, looking her straight in the eye, said:

"I wouldn't."

For some reason, relief appeared on Narcissa's face. Maybe from the consciousness that at least someone understands her, but ...

"I wouldn't, but that would probably be my fault."

"Mistake?" Narcissa was taken aback. "What are you talking about?"

"Narcissa, I am not asking why you are marrying Malfoy. I have no right to judge or advise. But Sirius made a choice. He left home so as not to follow his parents' path, not to support their crazy ideas about blood purity and other nonsense. You see, if you yourself told him that you want to marry someone, he would understand. It would hurt him, but he could understand and accept it. That's just ... You see, Lucius Malfoy embodies everything something that Sirius is so eager to get away from. If you deliberately wanted to destroy him, you could not think of a better way than betrothal to Malfoy. "

Narcissa sat stunned. Her ears were ringing unbearably, and if not for natural endurance, she would probably already be in a deep swoon. So this is what her actions looked like in the eyes of Sirius and his friends!

"Not!" the girl cried out in despair. "I didn't want this damn marriage. I wasn't going to betray Sirius!"

"But you didn't tell him," Lupine said softly.

"I was scared! Or do you not allow such a thought? I didn't mean to hurt him. Yes, it was stupid. Well, then execute me for stupidity, not for betrayal. You fucking Gryffindor snobs, you can't see anything beyond your nose. , "the girl had long ago jumped to her feet in a rage, her eyes threw lightning at the numb Lupine, and her hands were clenched into fists. "You have invented idiotic laws of loyalty and honor for yourself. And you simply forgot about the fact that there is an ordinary life that does not go according to your stupid rules. And Sirius does not think that everything could be changed if only for a moment made it clear that I was needed, that he was ready to help, save? No! He just struck me out as inconsistent with his ideas of decency. "

Suddenly silent, Narcissa turned away from the dumbfounded Lupine and went to the window. The young man looked at her fragile figure. Lily has always claimed that guys fall for Narcissa because she has Veela blood in her. Not! This was not the case. These things don't work on werewolves, and yet Lupine had a soft spot for this strange girl. Now her light silhouette against the background of a huge window made his heart clench with pity. I wanted to protect and protect her from the whole world, spitting on common sense, which said that so much strength and perseverance as this seemingly fragile creature can be found not in every adult man. But today common sense was silent, and the young man saw in front of him an easily injured young girl. Perhaps it was because her hair was in two pigtails, and the green-gray sweater of the Slytherin cheerleader was slightly oversized. All this gave her a very touching look.

"Narcissa," he said quietly, "everything will be fine. It's not too late to change everything."

"No," the girl responded just as quietly, "not now. My father said today that everything is ready for the engagement. They are only waiting for us. I cannot do this with my family. Breaking locks and cages should have been earlier."

"Then live by the choice you made."

Narcissa turned and stared at him. Sunlight pouring from the window adorned her amazing hair with a golden crown.

"What do you mean?" the girl asked calmly.

"Leave Sirius alone. Do not torment him. Do not look for meetings with him. Under the circumstances, he will be better off without you. He made a difficult decision, breaking everything in his life. Help him, do not call for him. Because of you, he is capable do something stupid. Only because of you. "

Narcissa looked into Lupine's eyes for a while, and then turned back to the window, without answering anything and making it clear that the conversation was over. With a heavy heart, Lupine turned to leave when suddenly he heard a quiet voice. Narcissa wasn't talking to him. With emptiness.

"If I open this window now and step down, will Sirius remember me?"

This calm question of nowhere made Lupine chill. He immediately rushed to the girl and, grabbing her by the shoulders, turned her to him. And again, as then on the train, he oh, how he did not like something hidden in her eyes. She looked through him. Lupine shook her hard by the shoulders.

"Narcissa, listen to me carefully. All this will pass. Now it is bad and scary, but it will pass. Do you hear? You have no right to do stupid things! "

"Why?" the girl asked indifferently, still looking nowhere.

"Narcissa, a year or two will pass, and you will have a wonderful son or daughter. It doesn't matter. Your child will be an amazing creature. You will understand this when you first see his smile, you will smell his smell. You will feel needed and irreplaceable. It does not matter, on whom he will look like. It is important that there will be a spark in him, and he will turn this stupid world upside down. Your child can do it, I know. You will be proud of your son or daughter. And on the day of his triumph, you will be the first, with whom he will share. He needs you, and you need him. Why do you want to kill him now? For what? Without you he will not be. Think."

With these words, he lightly kissed the girl on the top of the head and quickly left the room. He had nothing more to say. He felt deadly tired and desperately hoped that his words would reach the girl's clouded mind. Now the choice is hers. He did everything he could. Why is everything so stupid?

The young man kicked the stone wall with force.