Sometimes fate plays hard to get:

Gives you everything you've ever dreamed of,

but in return, it suddenly takes away

What you thought was yours

That which you've been fond of all these years,

What has always seemed unchangeable...

You get imaginary freedom,

You're giving up something you've never had before.

After the decision was made, it became calm. And fate played a cruel joke.

Narcissa Black stood for a long time in the music room, looking out the window. During this time, the weather has changed dramatically. Instead of the bright and welcoming sun outside the window, it had been snowing for half an hour. There was a feeling that suddenly night had come: everything around was so dark. Huge white flakes beat against the glass, so that they could immediately flow down into tears onto the frozen cornice. Narcissa, as if spellbound, looked and looked at the raging elements.

Lupine was right. Right from the first to the last word. Sirius really made a very difficult choice, and now he doesn't need additional experiences at all. Not! Narcissa will no longer seek meetings with him, try to be alone. Not! Let him live as he lives. With his departure from home, the last thread to him will surely be lost. In six months, when he graduates from school, she will no longer be able to learn anything about him, see him, be around.

Well. Apparently, this is fate.

Narcissa made up her mind. Only the snow outside the window beckoned: "Free yourself! Free yourself! One step - and eternal Freedom "!

But what difference does that make? Will Sirius be happier for this? Hardly. And she? It won't be there at all. Not! The girl could not do this with her family.

She sighed and left the music parlor. The corridor seemed deserted, inhospitable. Probably because of the suddenly darkened sky. Narcissa hasn't decided where to go yet. Belinda? Not! The last thing I wanted to listen to her stories about another gentleman was ... Ridiculous! And there is no one else. She desperately did not want to be alone, and the girl slowly walked towards the hospital wing. Not that she wanted to visit Lucius again. There was simply nowhere to go, and she hoped that she would come up with something along the way.

Once in the corridor in which the Transfiguration room was located, the girl saw Lupine turning a corner. The impression was that he had left McGonagall's office. Strange ... Saturday. Why can't he sit in the living room? The girl stopped in the middle of the corridor.

"To go out into the street or what?" With these thoughts, she went to the wide window sill and sat down on its edge. After sitting like this for a minute and deciding that the position was not very comfortable, Narcissa climbed onto the windowsill and leaned her back against the wall, stretching her legs. The girl opened her backpack and saw a stack of sandwiches in it.

"Entering the role of the ideal wife?"

"I'm trying ..."

She threw back her head and looked out the window. Snow. Eternal snow and cold.

She was distracted by the sound of the door opening. Narcissa whirled around and prepared to jump off the windowsill if it was McGonagall. Not. A navy blue sweater appeared from behind the door. For all her rich imagination, Narcissa could not imagine such an outfit on the strict dean of Gryffindor. She threw back her head and turned to the window.

Snow ... Eternal snow and cold ... For some reason, it was thrown into a fever, and the girl turned back to the man who had left the office, and involuntarily straightened herself up.

Yes! Here is the right decision for you. It may not be easy, but somehow it is still possible to decide not to think about him, not to see him, not to approach him. It is doable, it can be dealt with when ... you don't see it. Narcissa dangled her legs off the windowsill and grinned. The grin was evil. There was no more question "for what?" She understood. The wise life towards young Narcissa was too tolerant and welcoming, and the girl carelessly used it. Now life was taking revenge. Narcissa grinned again and met dark blue eyes.

"Get up! Go away and don't try to look back! " an inner voice persisted. And she, of course, would have done so if she had not looked into those eyes, which, thanks to the dark blue sweater, acquired a fantastic shade. It's so easy to leave when you can't see those eyes. But as soon as she looked, Narcissa realized that she was in a strong trap, from which she would never get out of it. Now she will not leave until this look allows her. For the first time in three long months, Narcissa saw with bated breath that there was no longer this usual coldness, indifference. There was some new feeling, still unknown to her.

If the girl were able to think, she would certainly compare today's conversation with Lupine and the recent exit of this very Lupine from McGonagall's office. After all, he spoke to Sirius. But the usually shrewd Narcissa didn't think of anything like that. She just looked with all her eyes at her dream, trying to absorb every line of his unique image: disheveled hair, as if in a fit of emotion he ran his fingers into them, pulled up, as always, to the elbow of the sweater sleeve. Previously, Narcissa more than once or twice had to use spells to return the stretched cuffs to their normal state. But the most familiar and familiar in his position were his hands, which he thrust deep into the pockets of black jeans. He always did that when he was embarrassed. And now, standing in such a touching pose, he seemed to exert all his strength not to lower his head and not turn away. As if something invisible tore him apart, forcing him to run away, and at the same time riveted his eyes to the girl's face.

Several minutes, years, or an eternity passed in this way. None of them could say with certainty. Finally Sirius took a step forward and froze. But this action brought Narcissa out of her stupor. The girl jumped off the windowsill and, without taking her eyes off the young man standing in the middle of the corridor, began to fumble behind her hand in search of her backpack. And he still did not want to be. Several more seconds passed in this ridiculous blindfold. Finally, the girl's icy fingers bumped into one of the straps. And Sirius suddenly realized that she was about to leave. Where? No matter. The main thing is that it leaves here. How much time had he lost with his stupid pride and boyish pride! Something needs to be done. But what?

"Hello," he managed to say.

So-so start, but he praised himself for that too. It was just that before the loss of her pulse it was scary to stand and understand that she would leave now, and the inspiration did not come and did not come.

Hearing his suddenly shrunken voice, Narcissa shuddered and replied:

"Hello."

Again this stupid silence ...

Even a few days ago, Narcissa could not have been stopped by any force, had she been able to be alone with him. But life has played a cruel joke. Just today, when she no longer needed it, he was here.

"How are you?" asked the youth.

The girl shrugged her shoulders vaguely, but, deciding that this was not enough for an answer, she confirmed her gesture with an incomprehensible wave of her hand.

"An impressive response," Sirius chuckled nervously.

He had never noticed such hesitant gestures in Narcissa Black's arsenal before. Before these sudden changes in their lives, every look and gesture of this young creature conveyed to the world exactly what his mistress wanted to say.

"And how are you?" the girl broke the silence.

Sirius, surprisingly similar, repeated her shrug and incomprehensible wave of his arms, making Narcissa grin.

"Yes! So we talked," the girl smiled.

"You dont mind?" Sirius waved his hand towards the windowsill.

"Of course."

Narcissa moved a little, although there was already enough room.

He came closer and stood in front of the girl. For some reason, both did not look at each other and, turning their heads, studied the blizzard outside the window.

Sirius thought about how stupid and ridiculous everything had turned out. Has he really missed something important in these three months? The conversation with Lupine did not clarify anything. On the contrary, he confused it even more. And in general, it could be called a conversation with a big stretch. It began with the fact that Sirius, as always in recent days, was in a bad mood. Even the fall of Lucius Malfoy from his broomstick today did not brighten the Sabbath. And then Snape appeared at the end of the corridor. Sirius was seized with gloomy joy, but it was at that moment that Lupine emerged from somewhere and simply dragged his friend into the transfiguration room by the collar. If it were someone else, he would be able to contemplate the white ceiling of the infirmary for the next few hours. Sirius could not give Lupine in his ear and therefore decided to find out what was the matter.

If he expected coherent and detailed claims against him, he was bitterly disappointed. The inspirational speech sounded like this literally:

"You are a narcissistic cretin if you still don't notice anything around. I talked to Narcissa. And you shouldn't bother. Just don't poison her soul. Just tell her that you care about her. The girl is all alone."

"Where did you see her?"

"No matter!"

"Where?"

"In the music room. She was playing something amazing ..."

"Have you spoken to her?"

"Let's say."

"Remus!"

"I shouldn't have told you that. She just needs help. Friendly!" emphasized the last word of Lupine. "If she is dear to you, just support her."

"I…"

"For once in your life, act like a grown man, not a depressed teenager."

"I…"

But Lupine didn't listen anymore. He just flew out of the office like a bullet. Sirius had nothing to say. Apart from Narcissa, Lily and Remus have been his consciences lately. But in this matter, Lily stubbornly insisted on male pride and self-esteem. Lupine was simply silent. Up to this day. And this short, incomprehensible conversation cut my heart more than Lily's three-month instructions. Maybe because it coincided with the secret thoughts of Sirius himself. He did not believe that Narcissa could betray. Then why didn't you come up? After all, I saw that she was looking for meetings, tried to explain ... But he did not come up. Because he was only sixteen. And at this age it seems that the whole life is still ahead, and everything in the world can be corrected. And the words "impossible", "never" ... they are simply not in the lexicon yet. In any case, in their true meaning.

Even now, looking at the crazy blizzard outside the window and feeling the presence of Narcissa, he was not sure what he was trying to say. Lupine demanded friendly sympathy from him. But he wanted something completely different. What this silent girl on the contrary wants now, he did not know.

And Narcissa looked at the riot of the elements and thought that there are things that she did not have time to do. Sirius was there all her life. The first joy, the first offense, the first tears - everything was connected with him. It seemed that it will always be like this ... It seemed ... Perhaps that is why, contrary to speculation and gossip, and contrary to common sense, for all sixteen years Narcissa never once felt the taste of his lips on her lips. Is it strange? There were hugs, seemingly friendly, but since the age of fourteen, Narcissa had everything squeezed inside from the feeling of his warm hands on her shoulder or waist. He often carried her in his arms. Usually, helping to get over some obstacle or in moments of strong joy, he would pick it up and circle with laughter. He kissed her chastely on the cheek or forehead. Although sometimes Narcissa saw that he was strangely nervous in her presence. Sometimes, seeing this, she tried to make his situation even worse: she sat down closer, hugged him, or started a playful brawl. Such games often ended up irritating the whole world and himself in the first place; for her - an insane joy from the consciousness of her power over him. He wanted intimacy with her, she saw. But something always held him back. He dated other girls, she dizzy other guys. It so happened that the first kiss was not associated with him. But then it didn't upset her. After all, the whole life is ahead. After all, he will become the first in something most important, she always believed in this. Sirius, on the other hand, took care of her as a precious curiosity. Maybe he also believed that his whole life was ahead. I waited until she was ready, until she decided what she really wanted from their strange relationship. He will not rush. He will wait. But it turned out ...

It's so scary for a stupid youth not to have time for something important ...

"Lupine said he met you in the music parlor," Sirius's voice pulled her from her thoughts.

"Yes!"

"He said you were playing something amazing ... I thought you quit playing three years ago."

"I thought too. But lately everything has changed ..." She paused and asked: "Have you left home?"

He nodded sharply. Narcissa looked closely into his face.

"Are you sure this is the right decision?"

He nodded vigorously. Narcissa sighed. A confident person does not nod so inspiredly, as if believing that if he convinces others, he will become more confident himself.

"Where are you now?"

"Holidays - at Hogwarts or at James's. And in the summer ... I don't know. When I turn seventeen I can buy myself a house on my own. I have a small inheritance."

Narcissa smiled.

"It's great to have a place of your choice."

"I will invite you to a housewarming ..."

"Not true. You will not invite. Even if you invite, I will not be able to come."

Pain flashed in Sirius's eyes.

"Why? Why Lucius Malfoy? After all, his family is like my parents. Even worse ..."

Narcissa laughed mirthlessly.

"And you decided to find out only now?"

Sirius said nothing.

"This is not my choice. You know very well that I was prepared for marriage with the man chosen by my father from childhood."

"I know, only I thought that… it would not be this year," the young man finished in a strange voice.

Narcissa understood what he was trying to say. Sirius thought that it would be in a year, and that he would become the chosen one. It seemed so natural. And Narcissa never thought about it. She just lived and bathed in everyone's attention and care. It had never occurred to her that Sirius would disappear from her life. He will always be there. If marriage ... Probably only with him. Narcissa didn't think that far. I just thought that he would always be there. But lately, the parents did not approve of their meetings. Sirius did not grow up the way they wanted to see him. The result - the choice fell not on him. Narcissa only now understood the full background of the situation. It's funny!

Sirius suddenly turned to the window. Then, with a heavy sigh, he bent down and folded his hands on the windowsill, resting his head on them. Narcissa looked at the top of his head. She had always liked his hair: blue black and surprisingly soft. Unable to resist, the girl stepped forward and ran her hand over his head. Sirius shuddered and wanted to straighten up, but Narcissa did not allow, gently pushing him in the back of the head. He obediently froze. And she looked with tenderness at his long bangs, which fell on his hands, at the tips of his ears, reddened by her unexpected caress. Narcissa ran her fingers over his right ear. It turned out to be very hot. The girl smiled. Such a gentle and touching boy ...

Sirius suddenly lifted his head and caught her hand in his. His hot palm covered her icy fingers and pressed them to her burning cheek. He began to slowly straighten, bringing her palm closer to his lips. Narcissa could not see his face: everything was hidden by stubborn bangs. Only a hot hand and the delicate skin under her fingers. My heart was pounding desperately in my chest. She understood that she needed to break free and run before it was too late, because there was still a moment of delay, and he would be able to do whatever he wanted with her. Run ... But my feet were rooted to the floor. And I only wanted to run into his arms. Common sense fell asleep completely. And Narcissa was already desperately waiting for his touch. His lips gently brushed her fingers. The girl closed her eyes. And suddenly:

"Black ?!"

Narcissa winced and tried to pull her hand away, but Sirius wouldn't let her. He only took her fingers from his face, dropped their clasped hands down and calmly met a look full of horror ... Lily Evans.

"Of course, who else could it be!" Narcissa thought evilly. Because fate had its say in the voice of a red-haired Gryffindor. The moment of madness passed, and Narcissa realized how hopeless everything was.

"Who have you called out to now?" Sirius asked in a slightly hoarse voice, tightening his grip on Narcissa's fingers.

Lily was taken aback. She very rarely called Sirius by his last name, only when she was very angry. They both knew it. And Sirius's rhetorical question made it clear to the girl on whose side he would be in this dispute.

"Sirius," Lily began quietly, looking into his eyes, "do you understand what could have been, who else wandered in here? Do you understand what they will do to you? Your happiness that I ..."

"Are you finished?" Sirius interrupted her.

"No, I'm just getting started."

"Well, I get the general idea, so you don't have to go on."

"Sirius!"

"Lily ..." there was a warning note in his voice.

Lily turned in anger to Narcissa.

"What if Lucius caught you here, huh?"

"He's in the infirmary," Narcissa said automatically.

"Huh? Here's the thing. That is, while the groom is in the infirmary, you decided to have some fun at the expense of Sirius."

Narcissa tried again to pull her hand away, again without success.

What could she say? Lily is right. This is exactly what it looked like.

"Lily, you were going somewhere," Sirius reminded quietly.

"I was looking for you. Everyone is waiting in the living room."

"Found it. Tell me I'll be there."

"Sirius!"

"Lily…"

"She will be the official fiancée of Lucius Malfoy at Christmas!"

Lily's voice echoed down the hallway. Like a terrible prophecy. Narcissa closed her eyes, listening to the fading echo of those words. And when she opened them, the Gryffindor was gone.

Narcissa pulled her fingers out of Sirius's hand without looking up.

"Hey?" he called.

"She's right," Narcissa said in a dead voice, staring at the floor.

"But there's still something to be done," there was a fierce hope in Sirius's voice.

The girl shook her head in silence.

"Why you do not want?"

Narcissa thought about her father's letter ...

"Honey, everything is ready, even the mountains of gifts. We are only waiting for you and Lucius. "

If he had decided to take this step earlier ... before the official announcement of the engagement, and even at the beginning of September, it was still fresh and uncertain. And now…

"Yes! I don't want to."

Sirius took a step back, as she had then on the train, and Narcissa looked into his face.

"I have to go," he said, looking away.

Narcissa nodded and turned to the window. She was silent, watching him leave with a peripheral vision, and suddenly she said quietly:

"Christmas is coming soon."

She said softly, but Sirius heard and rushed to her, grabbed her by the shoulders and turned her to him, like Lupine had two hours earlier.

She looked up and met his gaze. Sirius pulled her to him sharply and hugged her tightly, almost hurting her. Narcissa grabbed him around the waist and froze.

"My little one, my dear girl," he whispered into her hair.

He held her tightly to him with one hand, while the other stroked the silver pigtails. And Narcissa stood with her eyes closed and felt his tension and despair. His shoulders were shaking slightly, and his heart was pounding like crazy. It is not known how all this would have ended if the falling armor had not thundered around the corner.

They recoiled from each other, and it became clear to both that the choice had been made.

"You have to go," Narcissa said quietly.

He silently turned around and walked away. Narcissa turned to the window. He was leaving her life anyway, so looking into his retreating back was beyond her strength.

She did not have time for something most important.