As usual, House was late for work, leaving the Ducklings waiting for him whenever he decided to show up. It was Monday, which meant he would be up to an hour late, and, of course, somehow, he was awarded tenure. That, mixed with Cuddy constantly babying him, there wouldn't be any consequence for any of his actions. While the Ducklings did have a soft spot for House because he was younger than the three of them, along with his obvious autism, maybe they babied him much more than they thought they did. The scale went back and forth with their opinion on their boss, and they were on the fence about their employment.
Chase was leaning back in his typical chair while scrolling through his phone. Did he really care about what he was seeing on his social media feed? Of course not. Social media was nothing more than a doom scroll while bored. Nothing is ever processed, and nothing there will be retained. While Chase's thoughts were wandering, he stopped, staring at the screen as he lowered his chair to the floor.
"Do you think House has any social media?" Chase questioned out loud, which startled the others from the silence breaking.
"House? I… hmm…." Foreman trailed off, trying to picture their boss on social media. "Probably not. The kid only plays video games and not much else."
"Unless there's a social media for gamers," Cameron added with a small laugh. "I could see him bullying children if there was."
Foreman and Chase chuckled as they could perfectly see that.
"Hang on…." Chase said, typing House's name into the app's search bar. "I got nothin'," he said with zero results appeared.
"Maybe he blocked us?" Cameron stated. "A lot of jobs make higher-ups block their employees."
"Yeah, maybe," Foreman said, getting the same zero search result. Just for fun, he tried searching for another name. "Well, I dunno. I found Cuddy's page."
"Yeah, and I found Wilson's," Chase added.
They both scrolled through their friend lists to see if House was a mutual friend or something.
No luck.
Cameron was typing quite a lot, which caught their attention.
"What're you doing?"
"Nothing…." Cameron mumbled to Chase, not looking up from her phone.
Foreman couldn't help but snort a laugh.
"Making a new account to snoop around?" He questioned with a grin.
Cameron shrugged as she looked at the brand-new empty news feed.
"Maybe…." Her enthusiasm only lasted for a minute before she frowned. "Zero results," she announced.
"Well… House's generation thinks this app is for boomers and old people anyway," Foreman pointed out, remembering their brief conversation about the app. "It'd make sense if he didn't have it."
"Make sense of who didn't have what?" House questioned as he entered the conference room while finishing a Poptart. He looked at the whiteboard to see that it was blank. "Are we gossiping?"
The Ducklings looked at each other briefly, which caused House to frown.
"Oh, I see. You're talking about me."
"No! I mean…." Chase trailed off before looking at Cameron.
House favoured Cameron, and everybody knew it, even if he never said it out loud.
"We were seeing if you had any social media," Cameron admitted as if they were children being caught doing something wrong.
House was silent, processing what they said, which caused the team to have a bout of anxiety. Was he mad? Upset? Was he going to explode? The team flinched when he snickered, sitting at his typical spot at the head of the conference table.
"Is that what I pay you to do?" House joked with a smirk. "Well, good luck with that. I scrubbed myself clean off the internet."
"Why?"
"Think about how a college kid posts online during their first year. Do you think any place would hire me if they saw that?"
"Surprised anyone hired you at all…." Foreman muttered.
"Hey! No!" House scolded before standing up, putting a red tally mark on the whiteboard under Foreman's name. "Bad," he told him playfully. "Two more points, and I'll send you to the clinic for the day."
Foreman rolled his eyes as he sat back in his seat. He, more than anybody, hated these childish games he had laid out for them. The point system was rigged; if anybody questioned House, he'd give them a point. Three points meant that they had to do House's clinic hours. It was morbid, and none of the team could figure out why he started it anyway.
House stood silently as he rolled the dry-erase marker in the centre of his palm. He thinks a little too much, which always leads to something unpleasant being cooked up for the team. If the silence didn't tell them something was up, the sudden smirk certainly did. There weren't any cases yet today, so why not have a bit of fun?
"I have one social media account," he stated, leaning his palms on the conference table, the smirk never leaving his face. "Two hundred bucks and safe from points for a week if you can find it."
Chase almost spat out his water at the wager. That had to mean it would be incredibly difficult to find, if not impossible. There was no way House would make such a wager if it was a quick internet search away. Though the winnings were worth it, the question would be the stakes if they lost….
"And if we can't find it?" Foreman asked, raising a brow.
A huge smile spread across House's face, telling the team everything that they needed to know.
"You three do my clinic hours for a month."
That was it? That's all House wanted in return? That seemed so petty compared to what the team would get if they won.
"I bet it doesn't even exist," Chase stated.
"It most certainly does. I haven't used it since my first year of med school, though." House pulled his phone from his pocket and opened Piksagram. Yeah, it's still there. What'dya say?"
The Ducklings looked between each other, silently debating among themselves. Was it worth it? Or was this a quick way for House to get out of clinic duty?
"Fine," Foreman said, "but if we can't find it, you have to show it to us to prove it's real, or else we still win."
"Deal. Now act like you're doing something productive while Cuddy's doing her rounds."
"Wait, you're not even going to tell us which app it's on?" Chase asked as House was about to leave.
"Yeah, what if it's on some obscure app nobody has ever heard of?" Cameron added, folding her arms over her chest.
House rolled his eyes. He certainly had a distrusting team. To be fair, he was the one who probably made them that way.
"Fine. Piksagram."
"And that's the truth?" Cameron pushed.
"Yes! God, you guys are so paranoid."
"We have to be paranoid," Foreman pointed out.
"Womp womp…." House mimicked as his pager began to go off.
Ugh. His performance review with Cuddy. He had completely forgotten about that but did remember he was doing his utmost to avoid it. No patient assigned meant that he couldn't hide anywhere or lie about being busy.
House let out a dramatic groan before sloping out of the conference room, leaving his team confused about what his problem was. Thankfully, their concern lasted for as long as a goldfish's memory, and now they could brainstorm in peace about his stupid Piksagram account. Trying to figure this out was almost like they were working to piece together a diagnosis. The bases were certainly all there:
-Was House lying?
-Were there underlying reasons for House to lie?
-What information could they gather just by a simple conversation?
Breaking it down:
-House was known to tell white lies but never direct lies.
-House was extremely antisocial, so it'd be too hard to get information from him.
All they had was the information that he had given to him about this account: it was on Piksagram.
Knowing that the job review would be terrible, House had to go to the one person who knew how to get out of trouble with any woman.
"Wilson!" House shouted with a smirk as he slammed the door open as he typically did. "What're you up to?" He spun the globe on the end table next to the door.
Wilson let out a startled sigh before rubbing his forehead. He knew the headache was coming but didn't realize it was a person instead.
"Working," Wilson said, sounding a bit annoyed.
Wilson was an outgoing, social, friendly person that anybody wanted to be friends with. He had the charm and charisma that would never dare to look House's way. It was fair to say that Wilson was close to many people, had plenty of friends, and had a couple of wives, but he never thought he'd have a best friend like House. At first, it was because Wilson felt bad for him, the newest and youngest doctor at a new job, and wasn't able to connect with anybody else. Then Wilson started to see why; quick to anger, had some deep insecurities, a big ego, and way too much pride. Even though Wilson never saw the friendship as long-term, it became exactly that. Real friendship. Underneath the mask House wore was somebody who was scared, vulnerable, smart, funny…. Then Wilson realized that maybe he liked House more than a friend. Unlike House, who openly expressed his feelings for him, Wilson was still hiding in the closet. Wilson was just thankful that House didn't understand social cues; otherwise, he'd see that the way Wilson acted around him was more than what best friends did.
"Well, stop working for a minute!" House whined, wanting nothing more than Wilson's complete attention.
Wilson was silent as he continued to type on his keyboard. This was a test to see if the patience lessons sunk in or if House would throw a fit if he had to wait another second for his attention. From the corner of his eye, Wilson could see how House was becoming fidgety and unable to stay still. Definitely symptoms of his purposely unmediated ADHD. Finally, House sat in one of the chairs in front of Wilson's desk, bouncing his leg impatiently as he slumped down. He couldn't take it anymore, but he wanted that prize. Yeah. A prize. The only way to teach House anything social was through incentives; in this case, Wilson made up a little prize bin with stuff he knew House would like. Anytime House did well, he could pick out a prize. At first, this made him feel like a dog… until he started earning the prizes and the serotonin kicked in.
House puffed out his cheeks as a warning sign that he was about to lose it. Wilson took great note of that but did nothing to speed up the way he was typing.
"Almost done," Wilson reassured as he held up a hand to him briefly before he started typing again.
House closed his eyes, slowly letting out the breath he had been holding before sitting up in the chair.
"Alright," Wilson said, turning to him. "What?"
"Finally…." House mumbled as he stood back up. "Prize box."
Wilson chuckled as he pulled out the plastic bin filled with snacks, drinks, and new fidget toys.
"Pick one-one!" He said sternly as House attempted to take two.
Being content with the snack he chose, he didn't waste any time opening it.
"I need help," he stated between chips. "I was paged for my review a while ago."
Wilson stared at him blankly. Had House been paged for his review, and he didn't immediately go? Surely he had to have known that the review was important, as it was to tell if he'd get a raise, but knowing it could be if he'd be dropped from his tenure, especially since he was so young. The Board was the one who decided that, and they were already on the fence with him.
"So you're an idiot?" Wilson questioned, which caused House to tilt his head to the side in confusion, not offended by his comment. "House… when someone pages you for anything administrative related, you drop everything and go."
"She would've said if it was important."
Wilson let out a sigh, but he had to remember that this was House's black-and-white thinking, and it wasn't his fault. He needed to be gentle with him, was all.
"So, stuff like reviews or anything department-related that needs to be discussed needs to be a priority unless somebody in front of you is dying."
"Even if she doesn't say it's important?"
"Right."
House huffed in frustration as he plopped back down on the chair, folding his arms over his chest like an upset toddler. He was trying, he really was, but he felt like the rules of social cues and social situations changed without telling him, and it wasn't fair. His brain felt like it was constantly against what he was being taught, and it was infuriating.
"Okay, okay," Wilson said gently, giving House another snack from the prize bin to try to cheer him up. "What do you need help with? Maybe we can salvage what's left of your review."
"That."
Wilson scoffed, lightly shaking his head at his answer.
"First, I'd wear this to your review." Wilson offered House his worn lab coat. Its worn texture made it a lot softer. "Vogler was sitting in on mine, so I'm sure he'll be in on yours."
"Great."
"What else?"
"What do I say?"
"Whatever comes to your mind?"
"Yeah?"
"Don't say it, and you'll be fine."
"Have you guys actually searched for House online?" Chase asked the team.
House's team had been sent to help out with lab work since they had nothing going on yet today.
"Uh… yeah?" Cameron said matter of factly. "You didn't search for your boss online when getting hired?"
"No…." They continued to scroll for a while, reading all the headlines and links. "He published a lot of papers."
"Let me see," Foreman said, looking over Chase's shoulder at the small computer monitor. "Click that one."
"You guys didn't know-"
"He's a nationally recognized diagnostician?!"
Cameron sighed as she tried to focus back on the labs they were supposed to run. She was cursed with the knowledge of whatever had been posted about House online, both good and bad. At first, it was research from when she had originally been hired, but then she went down a rabbit hole of reading his published papers. Would she ever admit that to anybody? Absolutely not. House would never let that go.
"Of course he is. Why do you think he has a waiting list?" Cameron added.
"He has a waiting list?"
"Technically, usually patients get bounced to another diagnostician."
"So… he could've gotten a job anywhere he wanted?" Chased wondered aloud.
"Yeah, the kid's a genius," Foreman hated it, but he had to admit that.
"Will you quit calling him that?" Cameron almost scolded. "He's twenty-six."
"Yeah, but he still acts like a child."
"I mean…." Chase started with a shrug. "Think about it. He's never been through high school. Probably never had a childhood if all he did was school stuff."
"Don't make me feel bad for him," Foreman joked as Chase scoffed.
"What's your problem with him?"
"I don't have a problem with him. It's just…." He trailed off, not knowing how he wanted to go about this since Chase and Cameron seemed to idolize House. "You'd think someone in his position would take it more seriously, that's all."
"So you think he's too immature?"
"I guess. I would at least dress properly, especially if I had Vogler on my back."
"I like his shirts."
"So do I," Cameron added quietly.
"Of course you do. You like anything he does," Foreman called Cameron out.
"Yeah, what's going on between you too?" Chase jumped in, now sounding serious.
"Nothing," she said, her face turning red.
"Right. You're in his office almost every night before leaving."
"God forbid I talk with our boss during work hours.?"
"Right…."
"Careful, you almost sound jealous, Chase," Foreman joked.
"I am not jealous!" It was Chase's turn for his face to turn red.
"You guys are unbearable."
As Wilson suggested, instead of throwing the door open as House typically did, he knocked on Cuddy's door before slowly opening it. The atmosphere felt heavy when he entered her office; Cuddy and Vogler looked at him as he closed the door. He wasn't sure what expressions were on their faces, but whatever they made him uncomfortable, especially since they appeared to be different from each other.
"Took you a while to get here," Cuddy said softly as she shuffled through some papers in front of her.
"Sorry," House said, trying to sound authentic, but clearly, it didn't come out that way, and he flinched at his own tone. "I-I'm sorry…." He tried again as he quickly glanced at Vogler in the corner of his eye. "I got caught up in something."
"Actually…." Vogler started as he suddenly stood up from his seat. "We'll have to do this later, House."
"What?" Both Cuddy and House said simultaneously as Vogler checked his watch.
"Pulled the Board together," he told Cuddy before looking at House as if he wasn't supposed to still be in the office, so he decided to speak slower. "We'll have to do this later, House," he repeated.
Cuddy gave House an apologetic look. Obviously, she had no clue what he was up to.
"Okay…." House mumbled as he silently backed out of her office.
There was a specific feeling in the centre of House's chest, almost like a burning ball that kept expanding the more House kept thinking about why Vogler wanted to have a Board meeting so suddenly. Surely, he purposely waited for House to show up for his review, only to kick him out.
Anger. That was one emotion that House was able to pinpoint. Anything related to Vogler made him angry. He knew that Vogler had it out for him; something about being bad for business; the fact that he saw a hospital as nothing more than that rubbed everyone, even House, the wrong way. House had that disconnect between the illnesses they treated and the patients, but he knew that lives hung in the air, not profits. It was gross.
It had been about an hour since Wilson had heard anything from House, which was extremely out of character. If it went well, the entire hospital would listen to him brag about it, but if it went poorly, he'd throw a fit in Wilson's office about it. Not only did Wilson not hear a peep from House, but he wasn't in any of his typical hiding spots. Not in any unused exam rooms, not his office, not the stairwell, not even on the roof where he went to smoke in peace. This obviously concerned Wilson, as he didn't get a response from any texts either. As much as Wilson wanted to keep searching, he had been pulled away from his scavenger hunt when Cuddy paged him for a Board meeting.
What did House do now?
"God," Foreman groaned, lightly tossing his phone on the desk in the laboratory. "I don't know how else to search."
"I found his mom on Piksagram," Chase stated, scrolling through her profile.
"You're going all out," Foreman chuckled.
"Yeah, well. I'm determined." Chase had been scrolling for a bit before he stopped. House's mom did post a lot, and Chase started to believe that he wouldn't find anything remotely related until he managed to scroll down far enough. "Look at this picture of House," he said out loud, showing Cameron and Foreman his phone.
They dropped everything they were doing to look at the graduation picture that House's mother posted of them from only a few years ago. Somehow, this House looked a lot younger with a lot more piercings as he stood next to his mom with a diploma. Of course, in typical House fashion, he wasn't wearing a graduation gown, looking like a teenager had sneaked into a higher education graduation ceremony and snagged a diploma.
Seemed about right.
"That was posted only three years ago?"
"What was?" House questioned.
They jumped when they saw him standing in the doorway. He certainly didn't look happy.
"You should be worrying more about the labs you've been given instead of your phones." It was rare for House to use such a stern tone, but it was always enough to instill fear into them as they dropped what they were doing and went back to lab work. He rolled his eyes as he left the lab.
There were times when House took his anger or frustrations out on his team. It wasn't often, but when he did, it freaked them out with how stern he could sound when his switch flipped on them. He could go from his hyper, egotistical self to one who had a sharp tongue and wouldn't be afraid to hurt anyone's feelings. He rarely did this, but when he did, it was like he turned into a completely different person.
House was sick of looking at his team, and he was sick of Wilson and Cuddy. His team only because they were a quick scapegoat to take his frustrations out on, and Wilson and Cuddy because they were a part of the stupid Board that Vogler was the Chairman of. He didn't want to talk to any of them, and he didn't know why he was full of anger against anybody except for Vogler, but he couldn't help himself. He needed to vent his frustrations to somebody who would listen, but he didn't know who he cared enough to be able to listen to him.
He stopped when he considered it. There was one person he thought he could turn to, but he didn't know them as well as Cuddy and Wilson, so it made him a little hesitant. What choice did he have? House would rather vent to someone rather than blow up and take it out on himself.
Stacy sighed as she looked down at the pile of folders she was working on. She was still catching up on all the malpractice suits that the previous lawyers hadn't managed to finish before quitting. While going through these, she could see a pattern between House and his team causing the majority of these lawsuits; yeah, they were a bit harsh with the patient, and their methods were a bit unconventional. Still, they got the job done and saved them. The other malpractice lawsuits were those who were clearly looking for a quick cash grab. It was no wonder why these other lawyers decided to quit; the work was overwhelming, and there were times when Stacy wanted to take her stuff and leave, but she was determined to get it done.
The door to her office opened without anyone knocking, and it startled her; when she looked up, she was surprised to see House enter, closing the door behind him.
"Hey, House," Stacy said with a small smile. She could sense that something was wrong with him; it was the way he was carrying himself. "Get another lawsuit letter?" She joked, trying to lighten the mood.
"Nah," he said simply.
This wasn't at all like him, and it caused Stacy to frown.
"Sorry," he said quickly before finding a spot on her office floor to sit with his back against the wall. Before she was able to ask what was wrong, he buried his face in his hands.
Stacy was taken aback by how House was acting. Granted, she didn't have too many interactions besides the first time they met and then the interactions they had at Vogler's dinner party. Even if she didn't know him well, she could tell he had been acting off since then. She couldn't help but feel bad for him as she stood up from her chair, moving over towards him cautiously so as not to startle him. Stacy sat down next to him on the floor, not minding too much about being on the floor if that meant she would be able to comfort him.
"What's the matter?" Stacy asked, looking at him and waiting for an answer.
House only shook his head as he brought his knees to his chest. He typically was too proud to show his emotions to anyone, even his own team, but for some reason, he felt comfortable with her, even though he didn't know her too well.
Stacy watched him for a moment with a sad smile; she could tell that he needed somebody to talk to, even if he was so closed off and felt like he didn't need anybody. She heard all kinds of stories about House, all of which came from people other than himself or his team, but she could believe it. He was obviously high-strung and overly confident, so seeing him like this was worrying, to say the least. She couldn't help herself when she laid her hand on his back, gently rubbing back and forth lightly to gauge how he was going to react. When he didn't say anything, she continued to talk.
"I'm here…" she said softly, knowing that he just needed somebody to talk to. "Talk to me. What's bothering you?"
"A lot," House mumbled from behind his hands.
"Well… start with the biggest thing."
House didn't say anything, even when he felt Stacy lightly grab his wrists, gently pulling his hands from his face so they could talk without any barriers. Typically, in the middle of a meltdown, House hated being touched, but she was different. She was gentle, soft, and actually cared about whatever it was he was going through at that moment.
Stacy hesitated a moment before taking his hands carefully into her own, squeezing them gently as if she could sense that he was uncomfortable. She also sensed that he was in emotional pain; something was clearly bothering him. She wanted him to be able to feel comfortable enough to tell her what he was going through, but at the same time, she didn't want to push him away. This was the first time House came to Stacy for… well, anything. She didn't want to scare him away, nor did he want to scare her away.
House looked down at their hands, tensing up slightly. This was the first time he truly held hands with anybody. It was honestly nice; he figured he would hate it. Of course, it helped that her hands were soft and warm, allowing him to ground himself. It was clear to Stacy how tense he had gotten over the touch of their hands, so she squeezed his hands a bit harder, trying to help him calm down.
"Relax," she said softly, trying to catch his gaze, but he would refuse eye contact. "We're alone."
House let out a sigh. He nodded as he tried to prevent a tantrum or a meltdown from happening. He refused to have one in front of her; maybe they were friends, even though they interacted closely only once at Vogler's dinner party. Even then, he felt comfortable around Stacy, which was odd because it took months for him to open up and even tell Wilson his name.
Stacy sighed as she noticed how House was trying to keep all his emotions and feelings contained from whatever was bothering him. Even though he was a loudmouth and everyone always held their breath when they saw him, not knowing what he would blurt out next, he was still extremely reserved with his feelings. Yet, she could tell that there was a storm in his mind. She continued holding onto his hands, gently tracing her thumbs across his palms in hopes of releasing some of the tension he had locked away in his muscles.
"I…" he huffed in frustration as, just for once, he wanted to be able to talk without having some sort of tantrum. There was a lot he wanted to say, but being that he didn't know what words he wanted to use, the lights were too loud, and he now had hair hanging in his face; needless to say, he was beginning to feel overstimulated.
"It's okay," she reassured quietly, squeezing his hands again before letting go. House wanted to protest as he immediately missed the warmth of her hands, only to flinch when Stacy gently brushed the hair out of his face, giving him instant goosebumps. "You can talk to me," she said calmly with a smile, her fingertips brushing against his cheek.
House couldn't help but close his eyes; a small shiver ran down his spine. Whatever was between them was oddly nice, though he'd never admit it out loud. Stacy's presence even felt nice, which was a foreign feeling to him. Affection was something that didn't come naturally to him; the only time he had any physical contact was when he hooked up with one of the nurses, but Stacy being so soft towards him was almost calming him into talking. It wasn't hard for Stacy to see how starved for attention House was; even though she didn't know him well at all, she could see cracks in the wall he always kept up around himself.
Suddenly, House jerked back, almost banging his head against the wall. This startled Stacy, who thought that maybe she had done something wrong. She did her best to keep herself from looking hurt as she moved her hand away.
"Why are you being so nice to me?" He blurted out, snapping his eyes open.
Out of anything that Stacy expected House to say, that certainly wasn't it. Being nice to him? Granted, she was maybe… being more touchy than she would be with others who would've come to her to vent, but it was something different. What she was doing was a little more than being kind, most likely stepping over a line by holding his hands and brushing his hair from his face, but still. She couldn't help but wonder… had nobody been nice to him before? Stacy's seen how House carried himself around the hospital and heard how other people talked about him; her impression was that he was like a child that never got enough attention, so he did whatever he could to be the centre of attention, whether it was good or bad. House was a loudmouth, saying whatever he could, no matter how offensive it could be, as long as he got some sort of reaction, so it was no wonder nobody was particularly nice to him. Thinking about how Cuddy and Vogler were treating him at the dinner party, she felt like they were treating him like a child (though he wasn't acting mature in the first place), but she thought like they were treating him like glass. They were straining him in hopes that he'd break. While on the other hand, Wilson was practically tiptoeing around House, ignoring most of his antics but seeming to draw him back in harshly. Almost like he was walking on eggshells around House, but that wasn't what Stacy was doing at all; the only thing she was doing was being herself. Not once did she think twice; with their few interactions, she always treated him like he was… normal.
House let out a huff, rubbing the back of his head where he accidentally bumped it into the wall.
"Never mind," he mumbled, feeling like Stacy was taking too long to say anything and felt too vulnerable.
Stacy tilted her head to the side slightly as she was trying to get a read on him. She couldn't understand why he was so quick to dismiss this; it was still unusual, even if what he asked could be seen as a valid question. In her eyes, she wasn't only being nice but treating him fairly.
"Why would you ask me that?" Stacy asked quietly, only for House to shake his head as he huffed again, looking away from her until she lightly touched his arm to get his attention. "No, seriously. Why would you think I'm just being nice to you?"
"You want something from me?" He answered without hesitation, which made Stacy believe that was the only reason people would be nice to him when they weren't otherwise.
Stacy couldn't help herself when she sighed, shaking her head sadly. How many times had this happened to him where he now had this real fear that anyone treating him decently only wanted something from him? She understood that he was younger than other doctors, so surely that didn't help with him trying to connect with those of his equal status since there was a noticeable age gap. They couldn't live as carefree a life as House could since they had family and kids at home. There were times when Stacy overheard other doctors asking House what his plans were for the weekend, and he'd only joke that he'd be doing nothing except playing video games. She always assumed that he was joking, but after getting to know him a bit, she was starting to wonder how true that was and how lonely he was underneath it all.
"I don't need or want anything from you," Stacy reassured him. She could only guess whether he would believe her, but it was the truth. "I genuinely like you. I like being around you."
As soon as she said this, she then realized how she was starting to feel around him. It almost felt natural how they interacted with how she felt. House was certainly one of a kind, and Stacy loved that about him. She actually liked him, and she wasn't just being nice when considering if she had some sort of subconscious reason for 'being nice' to him. This was just her being genuine. House didn't want to look at her as he began to feel vulnerable, which caused him to start fidgeting. Seeing him fidget with his hands always caught Stacy's attention, not seeing somebody fidget as much as he has. He was certainly a sort of mystery; even though he was a loudmouth, there was so much he wasn't saying about himself and more so just wanting attention on him.
Stacy wasn't sure if doing this would be triggering in any way, but she carefully reached out to take House's hands into her own to stop him from fidgeting. It was clear that House's breath had gotten caught in his throat. People had never stopped him from fidgeting before, only if they were annoyed by it or if he had begun to hurt himself while doing it. Cuddy and Wilson were the most understanding people in House's life in terms of his autism and ADHD, being able to get him out of his meltdowns and tantrums, but there was a lot they didn't understand.
"I've noticed you fidget a lot," Stacy said gently, hoping that House wouldn't take her words in a negative way, as that was not at all her intention. She heard the way his breath had hitched as she held his hands still. In House's own way, he was shy.
"It's…" House trailed off, trying to think of something quickly, "it's just the ADHD. That's all." The way she squeezed his hands again told him she didn't believe him.
"Does it… bother you? The fidgeting?"
"No," he said honestly, looking down at their hands, swallowing hard. "I don't even notice it anymore."
There was something incredibly innocent about how House said this, almost like he was nervous about saying it out loud or was scared that he would get judged over this. Stacy squeezed his hands once more, holding them a bit tighter. More and more into this conversation, Stacy was becoming curious about House; what made him so nervous, but was willing to be patient about discovering what it could be. In an instant, Stacy felt House tense up but was quickly able to relax, which was highly unusual for him since, while he didn't know her too well, he could still feel comfortable.
"You always seem so tense," Stacy started again, seeing that House wasn't going to continue the conversation on his own, which was fine. "Always on edge…. You're always watching for some kind of attack." Feeling this could be the start of a sensitive topic for him, she didn't say anything else, wanting him to say something about it first.
"What? No… I just…." House huffed. Stacy's words were true, that was something he did. He was loud, and everyone was aware of how egotistical he was, but deep down, he was almost waiting for someone to mock him or make fun of him, even though he practically painted a target on his back. "I'm just… I have a lot on my mind."
"And that's why you're so on edge all the time?"
House couldn't help but chuckle dryly.
"I'm usually not."
"Bullshit." Stacy didn't believe that for a second, but her words caused House to snort out a laugh as he leaned back into the wall.
"We've talked a couple of times, and it's like you know me."
"I just like knowing people, so I try to figure everyone out," she said with a smile, feeling almost proud that she was able to catch onto his white lie. "So… everybody lies, that includes you, huh?" She teased.
"You should've been a therapist instead of a lawyer," he teased.
"Absolutely not," she said with a smile, shaking her head slightly, "I think I would've been too honest."
"That's my problem." House couldn't help but snort a laugh. "That's why you have so many malpractice cases to go through."
Even though Stacy wanted to rip her hair out most days as she was trying to catch up on all these lawsuits that had been piling up since House had started working here, she couldn't help but smile at his words. In his own way, House was apologizing for all the paperwork she had to deal with. Stacy looked at him, squeezing his hands again; at this point, she was able to see that, in a way, he was a lot like her, except, well… meaner, but she was able to empathize with him. They were getting off track as to why House had come to her in the first place; Stacy was able to make him comfortable enough to where he was able to almost forget what was bothering him and prevent him from having a meltdown.
"Y'know…." Stacy started softly, scootching closer to him. "I don't think we're that much different."
House flinched at that; he prayed that they weren't anything alike. Clearly, she could see through him; someone who saw himself as so imperfect that he needed to turn the notch up on his confidence, and every time he did his job right, getting any sort of praise, his ego would grow, but it was never enough to have true self-confidence. If they were really anything alike, that would mean that's how she would see herself, and Stacy was…. Stacy was different. He liked Stacy.
"God, I hope we are," House joked dryly to play off how he was feeling.
Stacy saw right through him. He always tried playing things off as a joke, but it wasn't working this time, or at least, she wasn't going to let him get away with it this time. Right now, she had a rare glimpse into a softer, more vulnerable side of House—the side that he hid from everybody else, even Cuddy and Wilson.
"What was on your mind, anyway?" She pushed. He had said that he had a lot on his mind, and she wanted to poke around in there. Stacy jumped slightly in surprise when she felt House squeeze her hands, something that she didn't think would ever happen at that moment.
"Nothing… nothing, it's dumb."
Stacy had to suppress the urge to roll her eyes at that response, yet the way he said it was almost cute and innocent. She felt the tension building in his muscles again. They had gotten so far in this conversation that there was no way that she was going to allow him to shut himself down unless he really had to.
"No, c'mon. It's not dumb," she attempted to reassure him the best she could.
House was silent for a moment, not knowing how or what he really wanted to say. He was so used to Cuddy and Wilson, who could understand what he was trying to say, no matter how simplified he said it. He didn't want Stacy to think he was stupid or wasn't smart enough to regulate his emotions enough to where he couldn't speak… even though that was an issue he had, but that didn't mean he was stupid.
"Vogler's an ass," was all House was able to say, looking down at the floor as he accidentally squeezed her hands a bit too tightly before releasing the tension. Stacy knew it was an accident, so she didn't say anything about it.
"Vogler's always been an ass…." Stacy agreed with a small laugh, trying to reassure him that it was okay to keep talking.
When interacting with Stacy, Vogler's always been 'nice' to her; it was an unbelievably fake niceness, but he was smart enough to know that picking a fight with her would only lead to a bad path. It was clear how Vogler treated everyone like they were beneath him, even though he didn't technically work at the hospital. However, the donation he provided and being Chairman of the Board gave him an ego that clashed with House's. Being unable to accept the fact that there was someone who was 'more important' than he was, Vogler treated House like trash, having unrealistic expectations of him and needing to control him. If Cuddy couldn't reign him in, why did Vogler think he could? There was no way that Cuddy would fire House; he was too important; he put their hospital on the map and gave her funding; they'd be stupid to do that.
House let out a sigh, still lost in thought, as he began to bounce his leg the more he dug into his own brain. He hated this. He hated feeling as though he couldn't turn to Wilson or Cuddy because they were part of the Board. The only reason House felt like he couldn't trust Cuddy was because she was always around Vogler; now, he didn't trust Wilson because of whatever sudden Board meeting that Vogler called. He couldn't help but assume it was about him, it had to have been. Why else would the meeting be called when he was supposed to have his performance review? House breathed heavily as if he had forgotten that he needed to breathe when Stacy squeezed his hands again like she knew he needed help being grounded. She assumed that the leg bouncing was due to whatever anxiety he was silently battling with, and she wanted to remind him that she was there to help him.
"It's… what he said to me at the dinner party…." House finally mumbled.
At least she was getting something out of him again, but Stacy knew what he was talking about. Remembering that they were outside on the back deck while House was taking a smoke break to get away from the socialization for awhile when Vogler interrupted. The confusion on House's face when Vogler dismissed her, telling her that he needed to talk to House alone, and as much as she didn't want to leave him there by himself, she had complied. The moment afterwards, when House blew up, partly due from him sneaking a flask throughout the night, she could only assume that it was caused by whatever Vogler needed to talk to him about, only furthering her guilt that she didn't stick around for him.
"What did he say?" Stacy asked quietly as if someone would hear them. She couldn't believe that somebody had upset House this much when he seemed to brush everything off without a scratch.
House was silent again, still bouncing his leg. That's where the trust stopped, and Stacy could see that but wasn't at all offended. House didn't know her as much as he did Wilson or Cuddy, and this was something that'd be only discuss with them. Not being able to trust them right now, and it being a subject he couldn't talk to his team about, House had two options: let it boil in his mind, or spill his guts to Stacy, who was someone who was actively listening to him.
"You don't have to tell me… but if it's bothering you this much, it's not dumb."
After she said the words, House looked up at her, looking like a kicked puppy dog. Something about her presence and how she spoke to him really interested him and made him feel safe. His breathing was slowing down as he was beginning to relax, squeezing her hands in return whenever she did. There was something about that simple squeeze that comforted her. She liked the grip of his hands. She liked feeling his skin against her own, and she didn't want to let go; there was something about your presence that she liked. Stacy looked away for a moment, a small realization hit….
While House's fidget had stopped for a moment, he began rubbing his feet together as he was trying to keep his frustration tucked in but was failing.
"He just…." House bit his bottom lip as he began rocking slightly back and forth, trying to calm himself down. "He told me… I had to pick someone from my team… and… I have to fire them."
Stacy couldn't help but look at him with a surprised look; out of anything that Vogler could have chosen to upset him, she wasn't expecting it to be that. She knew what Vogler was like, and making unreasonable demands from House and Cuddy was something that was becoming the norm, but never thought he'd go that far. She didn't know his team at all, but seeing the way that they all interacted with each other was almost like watching a small family, a small, dysfunctional family.
"He's making you fire someone?" She repeated, making sure that she heard him right.
"He said it was Cuddy's idea, but…" he huffed, not truly believing his words, everybody lies after all.
"So… who're you going to fire?"
"I don't…." He groaned.
Unexpectedly, House yanked his hands away from Stacy's and began to roughly rub at his face, the way he did whenever he could feel himself about to have a meltdown. No, no, no. He couldn't have one. Not in front of her, especially since she wouldn't understand why he would be acting that way. That didn't stop Stacy from feeling his stress and anxiety, watching sadly as he continued to rub his eyes and face until they were beginning to turn red.
"Sorry, I'm…." House let out a dry laugh as he kept rubbing and lightly scratching his face. "I get these…." He tried explaining, but how would he be able to explain what a meltdown was while he was currently about to have one? "Uh… I get…."
"You get overwhelmed? Is that a better way to describe it?"
"Kinda… but it gets… real bad."
Suddenly, he stood up, having trouble with his vision as he did, but that didn't stop him from trying to leave. Stacy quickly grabbed his hands, silently telling him not to leave, not while he was like this. She squeezed them, feeling as though this was the only thing keeping him from breaking down completely as she swore he was about to start crying. When looking back at her, House could tell that she was just as stubborn as he was and wasn't going to let him go until he sat back down, and she didn't even have to say a word. Letting out a shaky sigh, he sat back down next to her, which caused her to let out a sigh of her own. It was a horrible time to have this thought, but when she looked down at their hands again, she couldn't help but notice how small her hands were in his and she was thankful that he didn't let go.
"It's…." He wanted to explain, but he was terrified that she'd think he was a freak who couldn't control his emotions just as everyone else thought of him. "It's like that outburst I had to Vogler's party."
Stacy nodded as she looked back at him, remembering that night clearly; him storming out of Vogler's dinner party, clearly intoxicated from the booze he sneaked in. She had thought his outburst was due to being more wasted than she had originally thought, but sounds like it must have been him being overwhelmed. It makes more sense, since, even though she didn't know him too well outside of work so she couldn't say this for sure, but she hasn't ever seen him break down like that before. From what she could tell, House was always so guarded, almost on edge even, but this was the first time that Stacy has ever seen him not have his emotions fully under control, which, to her, was unusual. In this moment, Stacy felt like she was seeing the real House crumbling in front of her.
"It's… I'm…." House mumbled, and she could begin to feel him trembling.
Stacy squeezed his hands, seeing that he was starting to fidget more than he originally was before their conversation started. It broke her heart seeing him like this; almost like she was both protective and responsible over the real him.
"It's okay to let your emotions out, y'know?" Stacy said softly, looking him in the eye, trying to be as comforting as possible. "I mean it," she continued when House didn't say anything, "it's okay to be vulnerable and show your emotions. I won't judge you."
"I'm trying to… tell you something…." He was trembling again as he looked away, still struggling to speak.
It was clear that he wanted to tell her something that was on the tip of his tongue that he wasn't able to spill. House wanted to trust Stacy. He wanted to try to build more of a connection with her since she was someone who rarely went out of their way to try to understand him. Stacy didn't want to push or pry, but she couldn't help but be interested in whatever it was that House needed to tell her. What she didn't realize was that House, more than anything, was afraid of how she would react when she heard what he had to say. He shouldn't be nervous or afraid, but he couldn't help but be scared that if he told her than she would see him differently just like everybody else did. The way Stacy was looking at him with a sympathetic look in her eyes made him feel both comfortable yet just as nervous, vulnerable even, just as Stacy said.
"You can tell me anything," Stacy said again, squeezing his hands tighter once again. "I promise to listen to you…."
As soon as she said that, it was as though a floodgate opened, and House was able to speak more freely, getting closer to what he truly wanted to say.
"I have these… meltdowns when I'm… overwhelmed."
Stacy nodded, remembering how intense his outburst was at Vogler's party, like he was a completely different person in the moment. How emotional…. She could tell how afraid House was, fearing that she would find his meltdowns repulsive or scary, but that never once crossed Stacy's mind. There was nothing he could tell her in this moment that would make her hate him, so she wasn't sure why he was still hesitant to tell her what was so heavy on his mind.
"I get them because…." He hesitated again, debating on whether or not he should leave Stacy's office and avoid her for the rest of their lives. Maybe it would be easier than to keep pulling teeth like this. At this point, he would rather pull out his own teeth than to keep on having this conversation, but they were so close to a breakthrough now. "Because, I'm…." House trailed off once again, scratching the back of his neck a little too hard.
Letting out a huff, he leaned his head back, accidentally bumping it hard against the wall, causing him to yelp. Stacy winced, hearing his skull thumped against the hard wall. She couldn't help but feel worried for him, how he was acting was completely out of character, or at least, the facade had faded and she was seeing his true, open self. The tension that she could feel in his hands made her wonder if this was only about the meltdowns, or if there was something else he was hiding from her. Even if Stacy wasn't sure what it could be, she knew that she wanted to help him through it all.
House rubbed the back of his head, letting out a small grumble, ready to just rip off the bandaid. He liked Stacy, it was rare that he felt like he liked somebody enough to where he wanted to be vulnerable and warn them upfront the reason he was 'different.' He jumped a bit once Stacy squeezed his hands once again, somehow forgetting that she was in the room with him; being so lost in thought of weighing between giving that small push that was left before he just…
"I'm autistic, is what I'm trying to say," he blurted out.
For someone who was overly open and didn't seem to be ashamed or self-conscious about anything about himself, this sure was a trigger for him to talk about. It was the one thing he wasn't loud about, but it was a silence that everyone could hear, or at least suspect. It wasn't difficult for anyone to put two and two together, but it seemed like people were more comfortable with thinking that House was more of an awkward genius than somebody with autism. Which, honestly, House would take that over being looked down on and needed to be pitied. After he blurted it out, he felt small, not wanting to look at her and unable to see the small, reassuring smile she offered. It was obvious from the way House didn't want to say something as small as one word proved that it held so much power yet so much shame to him. How long did House have to hide this from others in the past? How did others react where he had this terrified reaction of telling those he must have trusted just for them to turn around and judge him for something that he had no control over? Though, Stacy couldn't say that she was surprised in this confession, honestly.
"I had a feeling," Stacy said quietly, not sure if that was the right thing to say, but she also didn't want to lie to him either.
"You- what do you mean?" House questioned, tilting his head as he looked up at her with a puzzled expression.
"I could tell by the way you handle yourself," she explained gently, hopefully that her words weren't going to come off the wrong way, especially since she didn't mean any of this in a bad light. In fact, she didn't see him any differently now than how she did before. "It's the way you move and the way you always have to hold onto some objects. I just kinda connected the dots."
House wasn't sure what she had meant by that, until he looked back at all the times Stacy had came to visit him in his office and always caught him at a time where he was thinking and holding onto the tennis ball he kept on his desk. His team dubbed it the 'crystal ball' since he always had to fidget with it whenever he was backed into a corner and needed some sort of insight on something that he could have possibly missed. Joke as much as they wanted, they had to admit that the stupid tennis ball has solved their cases more than they care to admit.
This certainly wasn't the reaction that House had expected. He can't think back to a time where someone he opened up to about this admitted that they had a feeling that he had autism. Most times they would ask a million and one questions in hopes to 'understand him better,' sometimes they wouldn't recognize what he said and act like they didn't hear it, and a small percentage of people would outright treat him differently over it. Stacy was different, if House didn't believe that before, it was clear now. Meeting her eyes, he couldn't see any change in how she looked at him; it was a small thing, but House could always detect a small shift in the way people's eyes looked after learning of his autism. House even blocked out the memory of how Cuddy and Wilson changed how they looked at him; though he couldn't be mad at that, honestly, at least now he was able to use it to his advantage with Cuddy in order to get away with more things than he'd be allowed to.
House cleared his throat, trying to gain back control of the situation.
"Well…" he chuckled dryly in an attempt to lighten the mood as a coping mechanism of the uncomfortable feeling in his chest, "thank god I appear autistic," he joked.
Stacy let out a small chuckle at his joke, even though she felt like she shouldn't have; she could understand that he certainly had his own coping skills for situations where he felt too open, at least he seemed to have ounce of trust within her.
"That's not what I said," she said gently as she playfully bumped into him. She rested her chin on his shoulder, feeling him slightly tense up but quickly relaxed. "So… you've had meltdowns your entire life?" She questioned, hoping that she wouldn't make him feel uncomfortable.
"Unfortunately," he continued in his joking tone, but Stacy could see past that. "It… helps when someone is with me."
House flinched slightly when Stacy carefully moved one of her hands as she reached up and touched his face, her fingertips gently brushing against his cheek. She couldn't help but notice how tense he had gotten, she didn't understand why he was so tense, but could only assume it was subconscious. Stacy hesitated before continuing as to give him a chance to move away if he didn't want his face to be touched, when he didn't protest, she allowed her fingers to run slowly around his face. Honestly, she was surprised to be able to do this without him freaking out since she seen how he acted when someone touched him without asking and how he outright refused to shake hands with anyone. She squeezed his hand with her other as he traced every feature of his fingertips with the other, not wanting to let go of him. His face was smooth to the touch, yet the expression he was holding made him appear to be self-conscious about this. Stacy couldn't help but feel sorry for House for being someone who was so confident be so self-conscious.
It was obvious that Stacy was trying to distract him and help take his mind off this stressful 'confession' he had just made. Though, she didn't see it as that, she only saw it as someone opening up to her about themselves. She could only imagine who else he had opened up to the past that caused such a reaction where he had to keep it to himself and felt so much shame when he had to expose it. Stacy didn't see him any differently now than she did before he had confirmed what everyone had already told her.
"You act like you're telling me you murdered someone," Stacy joked softly, still carefully tracing her fingertips around his face. House only shrugged. "But… I appreciate you opening up to me and letting me know."
"Yeah…." House mumbled, looking away from Stacy, feeling his face burning.
"Hey…" Stacy cupped the back of House's neck, looking him in the eye.
Before House could say anything, Stacy leaned up, gently pressing her lips against his, giving him plenty of space to pull away if he wasn't into it. He froze, his body tensing up again as she kissed him, his breath was caught in his throat as he honestly wasn't sure how to react. Cuddy had told him not to go after and make any moves on the new lawyer, but here Stacy was making the first moves on him. With his thoughts and mind buzzing, House forced himself to turn his brain off. Closing his eyes, House began to return the kiss, but knowing what sort of power Stacy did have, he was reluctant to put his hands on her to pull her in closer to deepen the kiss. Any and all anxiety that House had in this moment; this wasn't the reaction that he had been expecting, he had assumed that Stacy would feel awkward or uncomfortable around him. Stacy let out a small groan against his lips, the hand from the back of his neck moved up, tangling her fingers through his hair as she brought him closer. This was something that House only fantasized about doing with Wilson, yet, kissing Stacy felt amazing, like she was accepting him and this was her way to prove it.
It was all going perfectly.
Until House's pager went off.