A/N: One day I'll get back to a normal updating schedule.

Also, this week in crazy crackships! I mispronounced Dabi's name as Dobby once, and my brain was immediately like: SHIP IT. So, obviously I had to commit suicide because that sort of mental image was COMPLETELY UNWARRANTED.

Also if I have to suffer YOU DO TOO!

So you're welcome.

Also it's so hot lately all I want to do is die. Seriously. Summer is my worst season, I can handle the sneezing of spring and autumn I can handle the snow of winter but the GODDAMN HEAT OF SUMMER UGH NO.

I've also been replaying FF5 recently (completely unrelated to the rumors of a possible remake I didn't even hear about that until I looked up something and it showed in the search results but I SERIOUSLY HOPE THEY DO THAT IOS PORT WAS SHIT I NEED TO SEE FARIS IN GLORIOUS HD I DON'T EVEN NEED VOICE ACTING JUST GIVE ME BEAUTIFUL MODEL RENDERS (and the job system. 5's job system is my favorite out of every FF, and I've always been sad that they never brought it back like that again))

Final-final also! Irony of ironies, Kankuro was first introduced in manga chapter 34. And it just so happened that I ended last chapter (chapter 34 on most sites, since I don't count interludes in the chapter count on them), with his introduction. I had to reference his canon intro for this chapter, and I thought that was a fun thing to mention~

ANYWAY!

Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoy!

There's a few seconds, when the foreign shinobi picks Konohamaru up, where Natsu could decide how to react. Naruto skids to a stop and Natsu's not sure why - to talk to the other person? To keep him from hurting Konohamaru?

But Natsu's seen that smirk on the foreigner's face before, seen the kind of trouble it spells, and it's not the kind that cares for diplomacy.

He ducks low, slamming into the hourglass-nin's legs, and feels Konohamaru's weight land on his back and roll off as the foreigner drops the kid to immediately- pull at his hair?

Natsu snarls, rolling sharply away but the other person doesn't let go, and his head burns from the sudden tight grip. He shoves himself to his feet, tries to stand on the man's arm to make him let go, but the foreign shinobi just yanks his hair, dragging him forward.

Natsu's knee hits the ground, rocks scraping his leg, and Natsu has had it. He grabs the man's wrist, drags Sakura-chan's chakra up to his fingers, he can't call a fire the way he wants but he focuses on the chakra, focuses on making it hot, he knows what fire feels like inside his body, knows how to shape the energy even if her chakra won't cooperate, and so he does.

The foreigner quirks an eyebrow, or whatever passes for one under all the makeup. "Cute trick, rookie. But you'll have to get a lot hotter than that to bother a Suna-nin."

Oh yeah? Natsu grins savagely, fully prepared to ignore the burning in his own hand just to see how much it takes to make the man let go, when a rock slams into the joint of the foreigner's elbow.

His hand spasms, releasing Natsu even as he curses and rolls to his feet. Natsu steps back, glancing towards Naruto who's standing protectively in front of the three kids, two clones leaping back from the blond lady as Natsu turns his gaze up.

Sasuke tosses a couple extra rocks up and down, practically posing on the tree branch, and Natsu's torn between laughing at how blatantly he's mocking the foreign shinobi or calling him out for it.

"Oh?" the foreigner's voice cuts in before Natsu can do either. "Too scared to come fight on the ground like a real shinobi, little squirrel? You Konoha-nin, always hiding behind your trees."

"We are the Village Hidden in the Leaves," Sasuke responds, staring down at them with Kakashi's own I-mock-you-with-my-amusement smile.

It looks so unnatural on Sasuke's face that Natsu twitches and turns away, unable to look at it anymore if he doesn't want to burst out laughing.

"Are you mocking me?!" the foreign shinobi shouts back, yanking the wrapped bundle off his back and getting into a clearly combative stance, and that's when Natsu realizes that Sasuke's deliberately goading the shinobi into a fight.

No wonder he tried that stupid smirk…

"Kankuro! You're not seriously going to use Crow!" The blond girl cuts in, stepping next to her teammate, but Kankuro completely ignores her, and Natsu shifts position as Naruto steps up next to him.

"Kankuro."

A voice cuts through the building tension and everyone snaps their gaze to the newcomer. A red-headed teenager stands upside down on a branch behind Sasuke, staring dispassionately down at them.

"G-Gaara…" Kankuro stutters, sweating.

"Picking fights with children is pathetic." the red-head states coldly, and Natsu scoffs.

"Losing one, maybe! And you're the same age as us anyway!"

"What sort of fools do they breed here? I wasn't losing anything, I was humoring your pathetic struggles!" Kankuro turns slightly to look at Natsu, but doesn't turn his back to Gaara entirely.

"Please! The only thing Sasuke saved was your ass from getting fried!" Natsu tosses his hands behind his head as he grins, tightening his ponytail before lacing his fingers together.

"Why you-!"

"Enough." Gaara interrupts, voice frigid. "Or I'll kill you."

Kankuro flinches, and Naruto groans quietly. "That guy's definitely the leader, huh, 'ttebayo?" he mutters quietly, and Natsu sighs. And then, before he can respond, Gaara disappears in a whirl of sand, reappearing in front of Kankuro and the girl, facing Natsu and Naruto.

"If you want to fight us that badly," he says with slow precision, "wait for the exams. Let's go!"

"We won't be participating." Natsu says as Sasuke joins them on the ground. The red-head turns back to look at them.

"Ehehe," Naruto chuckles, "there were some reasons, but Jiji didn't want us to participate so our sensei couldn't nominate us! We were just having fun!"

"He calls Hokage-sama Jiji." Sasuke puts in, and the blond girl's mouth clicks shut. The foreign team exchange glances, and Kankuro scoffs.

"So bad even your own Kage has no faith in you?"

"Good enough that you're still favoring your arm." Sasuke returns, and Kankuro scowls. An aura of faint killing intent leaks out from Gaara, seemingly swirling around him in impatience, making Kankuro look away sharply.

"A lucky hit. And if your Kage believed in you at all I'd have the chance to prove it. I can't believe I was wasting my time with losers."

"I don't think any Kage would ban a team for a reason like that… even Konoha's." The female of the team puts in, but Kankuro just shrugs in response, beginning to walk faster with a new sense of urgency.

"Who cares? Let's hurry up and go already."

"Orochimaru-sama isn't going to be pleased…" Kin murmurs quietly.

Dosu scowls. "Our entire part in this plan hinged on the Uchiha being in the Exams! We can't kill him if he's not participating! There won't be any time that's safe!"

"We'll just have to report it to Orochimaru-sama and let him decide from there. I am certain he will still have use for us in the exams, even if it is only to give Sound a continued feeling of legitimacy."

"I suppose you're right, Zaku…" Kin agrees, pushing herself off the trunk. "We should make our report now then, before someone else beats us to it."

"Heh." Dosu grins and hops off the branch. "Girl's right. Let's be the first to report this!"

"Well that didn't work." Naruto grumbles once they separate from Konohamaru and make it to Sasuke's compound.

The Uchiha in question offers an annoyed 'hn', dropping to sit on the porch steps and props his elbows on his knees, fingers laced together, lowering his head behind them.

Natsu sprawls himself in the dirt, scowling. "Even though it wasn't on purpose, it was working fine until that red-head showed up! He killed the whole mood!"

"It shouldn't be surprising. We'd have better luck after the first phase, once they've got a feel for the difficulty. Right now they're probably saving everything for the test…"

"I guess… man that's so stupid! Those guys were such jerks too!" Naruto leaps to his feet, shaking a fist, and Natsu laughs.

"We can always try again. Even with how he acted at the end, that Kankuro guy was too easy to rile up. We could totally manage it, but…"

"Hn." Sasuke grunts. "They were scared of the youngest one."

"Yeah!" Naruto grins. "It wouldn't be fun at all if we couldn't at least get him into it too! He's probably the strongest!"

"So how would we do that?" Natsu asks, turning his head to look at Sasuke.

The compound descends into silence, Sasuke staring at the ground as Naruto rubs his chin.

Natsu grimaces.

He's pretty sure straight-up punching the guy would work, but then Team 7 would take the blame.

We need to get them to start it. But how…?

He can practically hear the cicadas chirping as everyone thinks, until Naruto breaks the silence.

"I GOT IT!" He jumps in the air, fist raised, and Natsu props himself up on his elbows.

"Oh?"

"Do I even want to know, dobe?"

"Ah, shuddup teme! It's brilliant! All we gotta do is know everything!"

"Huh?" Natsu squints, wondering if Naruto got hit in the head in their quick scuffle.

"Whaddaya mean, 'huh'? That Gaara guy totally wasn't interested in a fight! So, if we like, studied 'em, we could find out what pisses him off and then he'd definitely fight us!"

Sasuke groans. "You could have just said we spy on them, dobe."

"That's what I said!"

"It… really isn't." Natsu responds, pushing himself to sit upright. "But it might work? As long as we could do it without getting caught…"

"That leaves you two out." Sasuke smirks, leaning back to rest his weight on his hands.

"What?! Don't be ridiculous I can totally spy on people!" Naruto shouts again, pointing his finger in Sasuke's face.

The Uchiha quirks an eyebrow, dismissively dragging his gaze over Naruto's body. Then he looks away, scoffing. Naruto scowls and turns around.

"You know I could do it! Right, Natsu?"

"Uh." Natsu smiles, scratching the back of his head. "I mean, if Naruto does a lot of pranking, he's probably really good at sneaking around, yeah… but if you spy on people, don't you have to sit still and just watch?"

"Hn." Sasuke smirks as Naruto wilts like a dying flower.

"I've gotten better…"

"Those guys aren't weak." Sasuke shrugs as he speaks. "If Natsu didn't have the same problems you did, his enhanced hearing would probably make him more suited for this… I'm getting better at reading lips though. As long as I'm careful, it shouldn't be a problem."

Natsu nods. "We could totally scope out the other teams too. If we get caught we just move to the next ones, that way no one really suspects anything?"

"Sounds good." Sasuke agrees, standing up. "We can see how many fail the first test too, they probably won't be worth bothering with."

"Right!" Naruto cheers, leaping forward to drag Natsu to his feet. "Let's go then! Teme, you'd better not get caught!"

"You're the one we have to worry about, dobe." Sasuke scoffs, turning to go inside. He stops with his foot on the engawa. "Change into something that isn't orange!"

"Oi! Don't diss the orange!" Naruto shouts back, as Sasuke closes the door on him. "Tch! He never wears anything other than blue so what gives him the right!"

Natsu shrugs. "I mean, if you're trying not to be seen, the orange does stand out a bit… his clothes do too though. He probably went inside to change."

"O-oh…" Naruto shrugs a bit awkwardly as they head out the compound. "I don't really have any other colors though…"

Natsu stops and glances over at Naruto. "Do you… think Sakura-chan's clothes would fit you?"

"Wha-?! But those are gir-!" Naruto cuts himself off, glancing at Natsu nervously. "Ahaha, I mean, uh, I don't think it'd look very good…"

Natsu grins. "It's not about looking good! It's about not getting caught! We can totally find something to cover your hair too! Let's go!" He grabs Naruto's arm and starts running, dragging the blond behind him.

"Tadaima!" It slips out nearly on instinct, Natsu's good mood and a friend by his side encouraging him, as he slips off his sandals.

The voice that responds stabs sharp as a blade. "Okaeri, Natsu." Kizashi steps into the hall, smiling, and Natsu fights to keep the grin on his face.

For a moment, he foolishly expected Mira.

"You brought a friend?" Kizashi says then, glancing at Naruto, and the blond flinches.

"I-I'm sorry, I said he didn't have to…"

Natsu stands awkwardly between his teammate and Sakura-chan's father and realizes that he doesn't even know how her parents felt about Naruto. And there is something, on Kizashi's face, a look that's part concern, part something else, but it disappears quickly too quickly to read as the man relaxes.

"It's alright, Naruto-kun. I'll speak to Mebu-chan when she gets home, but there's no problem. I'll bring some tea up shortly, ne?"

Natsu relaxes in turn, shifting to kick Naruto with his bare foot. "Hurry up and take off your shoes, c'mon!"

"B-but-"

"No buts! Stop delaying!"

Naruto slips his sandals off nervously, setting them on the shoe rack as though he's afraid to touch anything.

"Some packages came in for you," Kizashi starts, as he turns towards the kitchen. "I believe Mebuki-chan thought to spare you a second shopping trip and just had Mikki-san deliver them. They should be on your dresser."

Natsu sighs in loud relief. "She's the absolute best. I swear, if I had to go there again…" Natsu shudders, edging sideways. Kizashi laughs, his voice trailing them up the stairs and into Sakura's room.

"He… seems nice," Naruto says a bit awkwardly as Natsu beelines for the dresser, eagerly digging into the package.

"He is," Natsu says somewhat distractedly, examining the qipao. The white designs are a different shape from the sets he got the first time, but the crazy shopkeeper kept everything else the same, and Natsu won't deny the breath of relief that escapes him.

That shop is full of nightmares…

"You got new clothes?" Naruto leans over Natsu, examining the qipao.

"Yeah. Since my last ones got all torn up during the Wave mission, and I didn't really want to wear Sakura-chan's clothes… Mebuki-san finds it easier if I'm wearing different stuff from Sakura-chan and I'm not much for red anyway, that's more Erza-san's color…" Natsu shudders a bit, and sticks all but one of the qipao back in the package.

"Now!" He pushes Naruto back a bit as he stands up, holding out the qipao. "Take your clothes off, we gotta see if it fits!"

"Do we have t-"

"I can do it for you if you want." Natsu offers with a wide grin, and Naruto squawks, hastily waving his hands.

"N-no that's fine, I'll do it!" Naruto hastily pulls off his jacket, revealing a black t-shirt underneath which he starts to pull off. He freezes half-way through, looking down at Natsu. "It's weird if you're just gonna stare like that!"

Kizashi chooses that moment to open the door, a tray in his left hand. He freezes, staring between Naruto and Natsu for a moment.

"Natsu-kun, could you… please tell me that whatever's happening here is not what it sounds like?"

"Huh?" Natsu tilts his head back, looking upside-down at Kizashi. "It's exactly what it sounds like! I'm gonna make Naruto wear my clothes!"

Natsu's pretty sure he's never seen someone's face go from absolute horror to sheer relief so quickly. The tray of tea rattles slightly in Kizashi's hand, until he brings the plate forward to hold it with both while he steps into the room.

He kneels on the floor, setting the tray between them, and offers a reassuring smile to Naruto. "Dare I ask why you want Naruto to wear your clothes?"

Natsu grins, reaching over for a cup. "We're gonna go spy on the foreign teams coming for the exams, and his are too orange but he doesn't have anything else."

"I see." Kizashi grabs his own cup. "He's right though, staring does make it a bit weird, Natsu."

Natsu gives the older man a confused look, because he's pretty sure that rule only applies to girls, but maybe it's different in Konoha?

"I'm surprised Mikki...san… didn't put anything weird in with the clothes." Natsu offers after a moment, because sitting still and drinking tea is weird.

Kizashi laughs. "He did, actually. Mebu-chan said he put it in a second package, but she didn't think you'd wear it. I think she might have hung it up in the back of the closet, though perhaps it's still sitting around somewhere…"

Natsu makes a disgusted face. "I don't even wanna see it do I?"

"Probably not, though I haven't had a chance to look at it myself," Kizashi grins as he sets down his tea and stands up. Natsu yelps, hastily putting his own down as he leaps up to try and tackle the man.

"What, no, you don't gotta look, it's probably just awful I don't want to see it-!"

Kizashi walks forward, completely uncaring of Natsu's weight on him, and starts digging around the closet.

"Aha! Oh, Mebuki was right, it is adorable-"

"Absolutely not! I-is that rainbow? Who makes rainbow qipao?!"

Kizashi steps out of the closet, spinning to face Naruto. "Don't you think it would look so nice on Natsu, Naruto-kun?"

Natsu's stuck behind the man, pressed against the closet's doorframe, but he can still picture Kizashi's smirking face.

Naruto blushes. "Uh- I mean. I, uh, gotta try this one on…" Naruto bends down, scooping Natsu's clothes off the floor. "How do I put it on?"

Natsu slips out from behind Kizashi, giving the man a suspicious glare as he gently tucks the rainbow monstrosity back into the closet. "It's pretty easy, just undo the shoulder here cause otherwise it'll get stuck, then you can just pull it over your head and fasten it back up!"

Naruto twists around a bit. "It's a little tight…"

"Naruto-kun is a bit broader in his shoulders, but if you think it's too hard to move, there are a couple things we can do to fix that." Kizashi offers, stepping forward to get a closer look. Naruto shuffles a bit awkwardly.

"I think it's okay… I mean, it doesn't feel like it's about to rip, it's just a little tighter than my normal clothes…"

Kizashi nods. "Alright then. Would you like some tea?" he sits back down, nudging forward the untouched cup. Naruto glances nervously between the cup and Kizashi for a moment, but when Natsu plops down and starts drinking his own again, the blond gingerly lowers himself and reaches for the cup.

Sitting down and drinking tea isn't really Natsu's favorite sort of activity, but as Naruto relaxes more and more and starts talking pranks with Kizashi, eagerly bouncing up and down as he grabs any knick-knack he can to demonstrate, he thinks maybe it can be a good thing sometimes.

Especially when it gives him time to think out how to best burn that eyesore disguised as a dress without making Mebuki-san sad.

Maybe a house fire…?

Sasuke: *puts team 7's plan into action*
the rest of team 7: what's the jerk doing acting like a poser?
Sasuke: ...
Sasuke: why am i on a team with these morons