"Oh my friends, my friends, forgive me

That I live and you are gone

There's a grief that can't be spoken

There's a pain goes on and on."

⠠hi friends! A quick TW before we get into Blade's POV—it does contain some negative and depressive thoughts which could potentially be upsetting. Please reach out to me if you'd like a summary—your mental health is top priority.

Blade Cassidy, 19, District Six Mentor

The nightmares are common. They plague him night after night, so vivid and distressing that sleep becomes a distant prospect. He's almost become used to them by now, just as he's adjusted to everything in his life. They've become... bearable, at least.

But it's the happy dreams, the impossible loveliness of them, that truly hurt him and keeps him up through the night. They haunt him until morning.

It shouldn't affect him as much as it does. Blade has never slept much, not when his nights were once occupied with training for the Games and targeting criminals throughout Six. There were no hours more optimal, more precious, than those when the sun couldn't burn away the darkness.

He shouldn't be wishing for sleep. It shouldn't feel like his body is weighed down by a thousand sandbags, like his head is heavy and light at the same time. He shouldn't be restless right now, staring at the ceiling beams, pressing a hand to his face.

And even when he's dreaming, there's a part of him that knows it's not real. That he'll wake up and it will all be a fantasy, to puff away like mist until he's here again, in the dreary Capitol building and his unfamiliar bed.

He'd dreamed of his parents. Of Alessio and Naya and Marquis and even Tremor. All of them brimming with untapped potential that can never be fully realized. Not now that he's left them behind. Not now that he's here in the Capitol.

His parents had been smiling, his mother reciting poetry to Blade and tucking him beneath the covers, his father calling him Ben and telling him he was so proud. That there were big things in his future.

He's not Benvolio anymore. Not since the crime lords demolished their home, not since his parents' lives were snuffed out instantly.

The Capitol had never done anything about it, all but leaving the little boy who had once been Benvolio to fend for himself. But Blade rose up, and he changed his name and he put on a mask, and he stalked the night, because there was no other choice.

But he's not quite alone right now. There's Mirabelle and Melinda and Linnet and even Signet, to some extent. Still, he can't banish the images. His parents taking him in their arms. Alessio offering him his trust. Marquis beaming for the cameras. Naya speaking passionately about the things she believed in. Tremor—

There are no peaceful memories in his head of Tremor. He only lingers like a ghost at the edges of Blade's mind. And Blade can only imagine that once, Tremor had a family, too. He must have had joy—or some possibility of future solace—before Blade took that away.

(No, the image of Tremor that he can't let go of is his tear-streaked face, his shaky nod, as Blade looms over him with a knife. He'd accepted death, in those last moments. Even Tremor had a seed of humanity, deep inside. And that feels both beautiful and gut-wrenching to Blade, even when Tremor is long gone.)

And, of course, he can't forget the girl from Three—Cady, he now knows. She'd had friends, people who cared for her.

And who cared for Blade?

Does he really know anyone at all? Has he ever?

He tries to shake those thoughts away, to tell himself they aren't true. But it's almost as if they've stuck to his mind, sinking their claws into the blossoming reserve of hope he's so painstakingly built up over the past year.

Usually, Blade would stay in bed and try to pretend that nothing was wrong. Duck his head so no one would see the dark circles. Try to believe that nobody cared whether he slept or not. It's not productive to wander the halls.

(And a part of him still believes that he doesn't deserve to feel better. Not after what he's done.)

But, well, the night has always been Blade's territory. Wandering and drifting is simply too difficult to resist in this moment.

He climbs out of bed and walks on silent feet through the door and into the hallway. Even though he's away from his bedroom and the familiar shadows, the dreams and the exhaustion still cling to him like cobwebs.

The corridor is empty. He walks around the corner, hands clenched into fists by his side. It's as if his body still hasn't realized that he's safe. He's coiled, tense, ready to fight invisible foes.

That joy that he feels in his dreams sometimes... it's so real, in those moments. He simultaneously wants to cling to it and pull away. Because sometimes he wonders if that temporary, dreamy happiness will be all he ever has. He worries that he wouldn't recognize, or be able to accept, real joy, if he did see it.

He stops in front of glass doors. Outlined by the moonlight is a balcony. It's summer again, and the air is mild out here. No wind to stir his hair, no rain to patter over the railings. In the Arena, he'd never thought about the weather. It had been neutral for the most part, save for the occasional drizzle.

He's so caught up in memories that he startles when he steps outside and sees figures. Without thinking, he's searching for a weapon, some way to defend himself...

But then his vision adjusts and he sees them clearly. Linnet Llamora, Rima Raevsky, and Melinda Spades. Some of the few people he can almost feel safe around. They're leaning against the railing, side by side, not talking or signing. Just standing and taking in the night air.

Blade can't remember a time when he was ever idle. He's never really had the chance to simply watch the world go by. To exist without the crushing burden of revenge draped over his shoulders.

He takes a hesitant step forward. "Am I interrupting something? I didn't realize this was a popular spot."

"It's the Lonely Victors at Midnight Club." There's a faint smile playing over Linnet's face. "Come join us."

Over the year, they've all figured out a way to communicate. Blade has been teaching the Avoxes sign language, finally giving them an escape from the bonds the Capitol has tried to cage them with. Following Mirabelle's example, the other Victors have watched him and slowly begun to pick up on the sign language. They're not perfect, by any means, but they manage. Rima does his best to translate for Linnet, since she's blind, and they've finally fallen into a sort of rhythm.

He comes to stand beside them. "I'm assuming this wasn't planned?"

"Nightmares never are," Rima signs.

Against all of Blade's efforts, it seems that nothing in his life goes exactly to plan. Perhaps things turn out the way he'd once wanted—but by the time he's finally reached his goal, a part of him has changed and it doesn't fit him correctly anymore.

He'd certainly never thought he'd live to see this day. He'd never imagined he would have a whole collection of regrets and ghosts, either.

He stares up at the sky. "The only thing guaranteed in life is loss." The words are out into the world before he can think about them much. He glances at the people around him, afraid that he might've said something wrong.

But they all just nod.

"Are you missing someone?" Linnet says.

Blade shrugs. "Multiple people, really. And it's not so much missing as... regretting."

"Those can be the same thing, sometimes." He turns his gaze to Melinda, who's watching him steadily. "I miss Alessio every day. And I regret that... that the Capitol took me away from him."

Blade nods, his throat feeling suddenly tight.

"What was he like? When you knew him?" Melinda's fingers are hesitant, as if afraid of the answer. Or maybe that she'll upset him.

But he's been upset for a long time. There's not much anyone can say to him that would make that worse.

"He didn't smile much. He was hard to befriend. But so was I. And he was brave," he continues quickly, not wanting to give the wrong impression. "And so strong. I think he was a little bit happier, in the days before he died. I hope he knew to trust me, and that I'd fulfil his goal and find you."

He could tell her so many things about the boy her brother grew up to be. But at the same time, he feels like he doesn't have the right. Like he never knew him enough to truly understand.

Melinda smiles sadly. But she doesn't sign anything. There aren't any words for the things they're all carrying.

"I feel like I never knew anyone," Blade signs. Then he stares at the ground. He's unaccustomed to sharing these truths. "Like I hardly understood the half of it when I was in the Games."

Linnet leans forward, her eyes misting. "Mine were... they were close and they knew each other so well that it always felt like I was intruding on something intimate when I was with them. They had the kind of connection that you only saw a few times in your life. They would have done anything—" She cuts herself off. "But that's how it is for lots of kids. They want so badly to win. Or to help someone close to them win. They become desperate and foolish and so brave."

It suddenly feels as if all of the attention is on Blade. He lets out a shuddering breath.

"I didn't know the twins at all," signs Rima. "They were so... so wrapped up in the Capitol and the things they felt they had to do. And now the only way to know them is from the Games, and that feels like only glimpses."

Blade has watched the Games multiple times now, unable to take his eyes away. He's picked apart every scene, obsessing over what was going on in their heads and why he'd been the one to make it out.

After he escaped, and realized that he now had a life ahead of him, he resolved to make sure he lived for those that never truly had the chance. But what if he doesn't know how? What if he's not worthy of such a heavy legacy?

"What do we do without them?" Melinda's hands are trembling.

Linnet's shoulders fell with her heavy exhalation, and she slumped back against the railing. "We keep going. And we try our best to remember them. We mourn for them, but we also celebrate. And we hope to herald in the future they might've wanted." Tears are sliding down Linnet's cheeks, and she turns her face away. "If only it were that easy."

Blade looks up at the sky. The stars are out in earnest. For a moment, he can almost imagine that they're lighting his way.

He's done something, at least. Beside him are the survivors. For the most part, they're safe and sound now. Free to do with their lives what they wish.

He's just not sure what his purpose is, now that he's kept his promise and satisfied his revenge—if not by performing the act of killing the President, then by joining a revolution.

Linnet moves from the railing, a kind of restless energy radiating from her. "The Games are coming again. We all have to be ready to Mentor again—except for you, Melinda, thank Panem. And Blade, this will be your first time."

Blade shakes his head. "Don't remind me."

"I'm sorry." Linnet is nothing if not sincere.

"No, it's just... it doesn't seem fair. After watching so many people die, we have to keep being involved in the Games, even though we'll probably just lose someone else."

"I know," Linnet says, Rima interpreting. "But we have to try. Every year, we keep getting attached and we keep hoping even when it seems impossible. And it hurts so much."

They stand in silence. All of them are probably teary-eyed, but they don't show it. Instead they keep staring at the sky full of stars.

Blade wants so desperately for it all to turn out. For the Games to end, once and for all.

He won the Games. He made it to the end of his journey and he reached his goal—even if he feels half-hollow now. But still, that has to count for something.

Maybe happiness will never be within reach for him. But he can't keep living in a self-destructive haze. He has to do something.

If not for him, than for somebody else.

He takes one last look at the balcony and the others, a group that he'd never expected to find. There are some things to hold on to, after all. He just has to reconcile the memories and the possibilities with the person he is now.

It shouldn't be too difficult. Blade has done so many hard things before.

And yet, overcoming the nightmares and the wishes is one of the most impossible things he's been faced with.

At least there are others who feel something akin to the same thing. That's new. He's never really had anyone else before, not until Alessio.

But now the boy from Twelve is gone, along with everyone else. So he just has to settle, and be thankful, for what he has left. But at the same time... to not forget those he's lost. He can't let their memories go unheard.

He'll find some way to balance it all. As strange as it feels, he's not afraid.

He has a feeling he'll figure it all out eventually. He just has to become accustomed to feeling his pain—along with everyone else's—and finding a way to heal.

...

Empty Chairs at Empty Tables- Les Miserables

Helloooo! Welcome to Miriverse Monday! Or uh... Misery Monday, if you prefer! I hope your day is full of joy, nonetheless. And I'm sorry for the unexpected sadness that was in this POV. I actually didn't plan on featuring Blade's POV until a bit later in the story, but by popular demand, and because I missed him so much, we've gotten to see him again! I know this POV is mostly just about past characters from IIDY, but I also hope that it gave new readers of what Blade, one of my favorite humans, is like! This chapter was also supposed to be a bit happier but who am I kidding? I could never write something entirely HAPPY and LIGHT in this verse of mine, lol! Anyhoo, I do hope you enjoyed! And for you lovely new readers, the next two prologues should be more future-focused as we dive into the events of the 17th Games. I just knew that I couldn't go through the prologues without introducing my Victor! All that to say, if you ever have questions, or if I haven't made something clear enough, please don't hesitate to ask! I want to make sure everyone can enjoy!

Also, I wanted to thank you all so so much for the support and hype and INTEREST that you've all given! I'm seriously blown away. I never expected so much interest but I'm so happy to have you all along and I can't wait to see all of your evil plans, lol! But seriously, you have all been so sweet, so thanks for that! I can't wait to get to know you all better! Speaking of which, if you'd like to get additional updates or just be a part of some extra chaos, you could join the Discord server! We'd love to have you there! I have a channel where shenanigans ensue lol, but it'd be so fun to have everyone there! PM me for a link!

With that, I think that is... all I have to say? I'm sure I'll remember something later. But I hope you are all having a great week and that you keep taking care of yourselves! See you all soon for Prologue Three!

Miri