...
...
...
Shinyu: "You fine?"
Shinyu was on duty, so I was with him as usual. We just finished killing the last wave, so we had some free time before the next one.
Cylob: "Not really. How did you notice?"
Shinyu: "Your eyebrows were furrowed."
Cylob: "I see..."
Shinyu: "...If something is bothering you, you can tell me, I'll listen."
...
Cylob: "...Yesterday was a demoralizing day for me."
Shinyu: "What happened?"
Cylob: "...I saw a young demi-human boy steal something from a shop. I followed him, and when I got close to him I could hear that he was talking about how much he hated humans. At first I wasn't sure what made him hate them so much, so I decided to talk to him. Turns out... he was just a broken boy. I'm not sure how exactly it happened, but he was left at a door step as a baby, where his adoptive human parents picked him up. But after growing up with them, one day they just... left him. At a random street no less. They said: "Here's some money. You can run around as much as you want and buy whatever you want. And don't worry, we'll find you no matter how far you run away". But they never found him. He was left all alone at the young age of 5. All he had was a small amount of money. After that, he had to learn how to survive by himself. He learned to steal food, pickpocket and various other skills to help him survive. Since humans are naturally richer, he had to deal with them more, which made him hate them. Other people's attitude towards human children with no home didn't help that either. His story, and my realization on how bad the demi-human prejudice is, made my heart sink to the bottom..."
I clutch my chest where my heart is supposed to be...
Heh, I don't even have a heart.
...
Shinyu: "Don't you think that you're worrying too much?"
Cylob: "I don't know..."
Shinyu: "Either way, you should first strive what you wanted to do first. You said that there was something specific that you're training for, right?"
Cylob: "Yes."
Shinyu: "Then you should first do that, and then - if you still want to - deal with this prejudice. You shouldn't worry about so many things at the same time."
I'm not worrying too much, I'm worrying about too many things, huh. That's one way to look at it.
Cylob: "This is this and that is that, huh."
Shinyu: "That's a weird way of saying it, but yeah! You should deal with problems one by one."
Cylob: "Thanks a lot dude. That really cleared up my mind."
I'll first deal with the main story and then try to see what I can do to get rid of the prejudice.
If it weren't for Shin-kun I would probably be overwhelmed by my worry...
"Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve you."
Shinyu: "What the hell are you saying?!"
Oops. I said that aloud.
Cylob: "But it's true. I haven't really done anything for you, and here you are easing my worries."
Shinyu: "You-?! *sigh* You have no idea how much you eased my worries either. So let's call it even."
Cylob: "But-
Shinyu: "We. Are. Even."
...
Cylob: "...Heh. Alright then. Even it is." I smile a bit.
He's so kind...
Shinyu: "You're extremely kind."
Cylob: "Huh?"
Shinyu: "You had that self-deprecating look again. I just had to make it go away." He gave me a reassuring smile.
Cylob: "You even noticed that?"
Shinyu: "I can just tell. I've always been good at reading people."
Cylob: "That's new."
Shinyu: "That's true. But the only reason I didn't tell you before, was because I couldn't read you at the time. It's embarassing to understand other people, but not my friend, you know?"
Cylob: "That is embarassing... So don't be surprised if I use that information against you in the future, alright?"
He smirked.
Shinyu: "Of course I won't!" A shit eating grin on his face.
My teasing didn't work? That didn't happen before.
...
It's cool to see new sides of him tho.
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*sigh*
Cylob: "What's up?"
Shinyu: "The sky."
We were just sitting on a random bench. In a couple of minutes it was going to be time for Shinyu to go to sleep.
Cylob: "That's funny, but you know that I'm not joking, right?"
Shinyu: "Yeah, I know. It's... it's nothing. Don't worry about it..." He grabs his arm.
...
Shinyu: "...I'm lying to myself, aren't I? It's definitely not nothing. I guess I'm... anxious."
Cylob: "What are you anxious about?"
Shinyu: "The main wave. I was excited for it, but now that I actually think about it, I'm anxious. There are a lot of people better than me here and I'm worried that I'll mess something up. I don't want to mess up on my first mission."
Cylob: "So your excitement about this being your first mission turned into anxiety?"
He looks at me with a stupified expression, before it turns into a slightly melancholic and happy one.
Shinyu: "...That's exactly what happened, huh. It's amazing how you can make such complex things seem so simple."
Cylob: "Everything is complex if you try hard enough and the reverse is true as well. But I'm getting off-topic." I look at the starry night sky as I slowly and melodicly talk. "To be completely honest, I can't really help you here. I haven't been able to beat that kind of anxiety either, so I can't tell you good advice or... any advice for that matter. But what I can tell you, is that you're very cool."
Shinyu: "Heh. Where did that come from?"
Cylob: "But it's true, isn't it? Think for yourself." I look him in the eyes. "How many people are as worried as you are? How many people care about this as much as you? How many people are taking and thinking about this as seriously as you are? How many people can match you in these aspects? I would bet that not many. While this may sound narcissistic coming from me, but you're thinking too negatively. You're saying to yourself that you're thinking realisticly, but in actuality many of those scenarios have not even the slightest chances of happening." I look at a small puddle, more accurately, at my reflection in it. "I have this problem as well, but I can't do anything about it. But you," I look back at him with an expectationful expression, "you can. Even if you can't do it immeditately, I'm sure you'll be able to have full confidence in yourself in due time. But for now... just think about what you're doing this for. Have the image of what you want to protect in your head, and act accordingly. That'll stop you from brooding."
He stares at me with gratitude, understanding and... sadness.
Shinyu: "You're definitely too kind for your own good." He says, melancholy and gratitude evident in his voice.
Cylob: "Maybe." I shrug. "But you're thankful for it, right?" I give him a reassuring smile.
Shinyu: "Yes. Yes I am." He says as his smile gets biggers.
After some time of silence, he looks down at his hands and clenches them as his eyes start filling with unmatched determination.
...
Cylob: "I'm pretty sure it's time for you to go to sleep, dude."
Shinyu: "Huh?! Oh shit! You're right! Well, thank you once again! I'll be sure to remember your advice!"
He runs off with a smile on his face.
...
Was that actually good advice?
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?: "The main wave is coming!"
In the middle of the day, huh. How convinient.
I quickly get ready and run to the outside of the wall.
I see the Kyopugs running in the forest.
Good thing I don't care about how dark the inside of the forest is.
There was one thing different today tho. I could see a huge dog. LIke, actually huge.
It was about 12 meters.
That's the leader, huh. It's bigger than I thought it would be. Like... way bigger.
The whole pack stopped in the forest. Like... outa nowhere. For no reason.
?: "This is unfortunate."
I look at the veteran that talked.
Cylob: "What is?"
veteran: "That big guy. Normally he only shows up every three years, but it seems like the cycle broke."
Cylob: "? Isn't the leader appearing normal?"
veteran: "Yes it is, but there are different leaders. This one is the second worst one. This one normally appears every three years, but he appeared two years ago, so this wasn't supposed to happen..."
Did I fuck something up again? Is Gluttony going after me again? Please don't tell me that something like that is going to happen again. I don't think I can handle even more...
...
veteran: "Well, it's going to be fine either way."
Cylob: "Really?!" I exclaimed, my voice filled with hope.
He was surprised by my reaction.
veteran: "Yeah... We have a promising bunch this year, so this shouldn't be too bad."
Thank god.
veteran: "I wouldn't get too comfortable though."
Cylob: "Why?"
veteran: "The royal guard with us is Strazh. He's pretty notorious for his questionable training."
Cylob: "Questionable...?"
veteran: "He'll... gladly accept the death of some if it means progress for many."
My mind goes blank as I take a couple of seconds to progress the information I was given.
Cylob: "...I can't accept that kind of thinking." I frown on the inside.
veteran: "That's normal. He's controversial because of this, but he gets results, so it makes sense to keep him in."
It makes sense... but I just can't think like that. Is this how Rimuru felt against Rudra? I guess it is, huh. The only difference is... I can't do shit to stop what he's doing. I'm still too useless, I'm not strong enough.
All I have to do is become stronger.
I focus on the mabeasts again. As if on cue, the leader roars so loud that it reaches even beyond the wall.
"RAAAAURGH!"
We were briefed on this of course. The leader can use wind magic, which can also amplify your voice.
Time to do the stupid thing!
The Kyopugs started running straight at the wall and I... ran straight at them!
Yes! That's right! I was about to be completely surrounded by all the Kyopugs!
Was it stupid? Yes! Did it make sense? No! But I still wanted to do it!
The worst part is... the Kyopug's hair is full of mana and it constantly falls off of them! Which means that my Mana Sense is going to be completely useless!
So all I could rely on was my instincts (Thank you Ashna) and my eyes! Everything else was going to be pretty useless here.
Come on! Give me a challenge!
.▓▒▓▒▓▒▓▒▓▒▓▒▓▒▓▒▓▒▓▒▓.
What the hell is that kid doing?!
I rub my temples.
?: "Something wrong, Strazh?"
I look at the stupid kid, as I'm answering veteran Prois's question.
Strazh: "The kid that Crusch sent is hopeless. Sure, he's fast, he has good understanding of the battlefield and he's adaptive, but he doesn't even try to work with others. That's going to be his downfall someday."
Prois: "Can you blame the kid though? He's only 15 after all."
Strazh: "Age doesn't matter on the battlefield. All that matters is winning. If he cannot understand that, then he's just a liability."
Prois looked uncomfortable, but I didn't care. I've gotten used to those kinds of looks, and they have never bothered me too much in the first place.
It's good that he's solely responsible for his life. I wouldn't want to protect an idiot like him.
I look at the battlefield as a whole. The view from the wall is quite good, so I can make out even small details.
The new knights are good, they carefully keep their formation and efficiently deal with the Kyopugs. There are also some new knights on the wall, they cast magic to whittle down the horde, so that the number of Kyopugs isn't too great when they get to the knights down below.
Meanwhile, the idiot is struggling in the middle of the whole pack. His actions are slowing down the advance of the pack, so he's not completely useless, but he's just unnecessarily wasting energy.
Sometimes Prois has to give commands to the new recruits, but most of the time they can deal with things just fine on their own.
Since the bastard is in the middle of the horde, it's completely useless to give him commands. All we can do is see how he struggles to keep himself alive.
I must say though... he is surpassing my expectations. He's quite good at staying alive, isn't he?
His movements aren't the most efficient or effective, but they are the ones that give him the safest position. He makes sure that no matter what situation he's in, he has atleast two ways out of it.
It's a kind of fighting that I've never seen before.
I couldn't properly describe it either.
Some might say that he's a wild animal that is trying its best to survive, but he has certain elegance and proper form. Some might say that he's calculating and choosing the best path, but he often goes for the safer one instead.
It's almost like... his fighting style is made for protecting.
That was the best description I could come up with.
It doesn't mean that's a good style though.
Since its main purpose was protecting, it had no real chance of winning.
It would be fine if he worked in a group and protected his companions, but since he works alone, it just becomes a very inefficient and cumbersome way of fighting.
He's not perfect at the style in question either. He makes mistakes, which completely destroyes the core idea of the style in the first place.
A normal human wouldn't survive in that kind of situation after all.
Overall, he was a complete mess. I couldn't see why the Sword Demon and Crusch would hold him in such high regard.
He's not bad for a 15 year old, I guess. But that's only an excuse.
Of course it was an excuse. It definitely was. And excuses don't matter in a battle.
In battle it's either win or lose. There's no inbetween.
And since he's trying to save, he doesn't even try to win. Which means that he's definitely going to lose.
It was a stupid fighting style that had no chance of working.
...
I get that stupid kid out of my head and start looking at the new knights again.
Still going strong.
They were keeping their formation and properly dealing with the Kyopugs.
Some of them were getting slightly tired, but their overall efficiency wasn't deminishing.
If they kept going at the same rate, then they would be able to easily deal with all of the Kyopugs.
Some veterans will need to help them deal with the leader, but they won't need help for anything else.
Everything is going good...
...
Hm?
WAIT NO!
"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! YOU'RE BREAKING THE WHOLE FORMATION!"
.▓▒▓▒▓▒▓▒▓▒▓▒▓▒▓▒▓▒▓▒▓.
This is harder than I thought it would be. I guess this just shows how much I've been relying on Mana Sense.
I was constantly being attacked from every single angle and it was pretty hard to dodge everything.
Every time I turned around, I had to remember the exact position of every Kyopug that was in my previous field of vision and calculate how, when and where they would attack.
My brain was going overdrive, but I was surprisingly not that mentally drained.
Maybe some kind of adrenaline started working, but I was feeling more openminded than ever.
That didn't mean that I was completely fine tho. I was making more and more mistakes as time went on.
I could feel my mana reserves slowly draining as well. They weren't anywhere near close to null, but they were getting there.
But I finally got it! A challenge! Something that will make me stronger!
So I didn't really care for all the problems that I was having.
The harder the problems I overcome the bigger I grow.
And what I was currently trying to do is grow for the future.
If I wasn't strong enough, then what good would I be in Arc 5 after all?
So all of this suffering wasn't bad. It was actually good.
I'm getting stronger.
Even though I was getting more and more mentally tired, I could feel that my overall performance was getting better.
If I was in my best shape right now then I would be better than when before I started, of that I was sure.
I'm getting stro-
I see the leader's huge paw coming from my right.
When did it get here?!
I barely manage to dodge out of the way, but because I broke my concentration, I get clawed in my back.
Come on! Get it back together!
I do a quick 360 turn to re-remember all of the Kyopugs' positions.
But then I immediately notice that a big shadow is descending onto me, so I dash to my left. Just after I got out of that spot, a huge paw descends there.
The leader is way faster and stronger than every other one so I have to pay more attention to it, but if I pay too much attention to it then I will get hit by the normal ones. Am I... screwed?
I carefully maneuver around all the other Kyopugs while killing some of them in my way, but then I get a bad feeling in my gut, so I duck, and just as I do so, a wave of sharp wind passes right above me.
I quickly jump to dodge the gigantic paw that swept right below me.
Dodging just physical attacks was fine, but combining them with magical ones makes the leader significantly harder to dodge. And since I can't see them, all I can do is rely on Ashna. Please help me as much as you can, Ashna!
As I descend onto a lot of Kyopugs, I Enyan a boulder beneath me to crush all of them.
As I land, I immediately dash to the right as a huge paw comes from straight above. Midair I turn around to face the leader as I cover my entire front side with Predator. Just as I predicted, a blade of air hits me.
I focus and put all my attention on his eyes. I Enyan some stone-bullets into them.
But before they can hit, the leader summons wind right in front of his face to stop them.
Almost got him!
I turn around once again to deal with the normal Kyopugs, but I notice that there are a lot more of them than I thought there would be.
Shit! I neglected them! I focused too much on the leader!
I start clearing them up. I could really feel the mental toll on me now. Even though they were just normal ones, I was getting a lot of scratches. Small ones, but still srcatches.
I was starting to contemplate retrea-
Oh. I can't dodge that.
I could see a huge paw not far from my left. In not even one-fourth of a second I would get severely hurt.
I wouldn't die, but I would 100% not be able to continue fighting.
Well, I feel like I did enough alrea-
Then I felt like I got pushed, this push also made me turn around.
And what I saw was: Shinyu.
Standing right in the path of the huge paw.
I wasn't sure whether it was my Thought Acceleration or my mind itself going overdrive, but the whole world seemed to stop.
At the worst possible moment...
No.
NO!
NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
I can't let him die! I won't let somebody die because of me again!
I start searching for all possible solutions, but I can't come up with anything.
I only have 4 stone-bullets left, 3 boulders, some dirt and some wood splinters. Everything else was basically useless.
Nothing out of any of this can properly protect him.
I try to Beelzebub Shinyu, but he hasn't given up on his life yet, so I don't have enough mana for that.
I... failed.
Again...
...
No! I refuse to accept this!
I start thinking about everything I have at my disposal.
It was then that my attention was brought to my sword.
...This is the only thing I can do.
I put a lot of mana into my arm and I swing the sword as fast as I can. I then immediately eat it while preserving its momentum.
I then Enyan it at such an angle, so that it was going to slice at the leg of the leader.
But I know that the sword is nowhere near strong enough to cut through the leg, so I Enyan some stone-bullets that were going to hit it and make it go even faster.
Still not enough... but I can't do anything else...
I truly have failed, huh.
I was drowning. Drowning in guilt. And as all drowning people do:
I started grasping at straws.
Maybe... maybe I can somehow improve the stone-bullets and my sword by infusing them with Yang mana?
Even though the world stood still, I could control mana like normal.
That doesn't mean that it was going to be easy though.
My bad body-enhancing, came from my inability to properly control mana.
While I could at least somewhat control mana while it was inside my body, controlling it while it was outside was impossible from me. As such, I couldn't cast any spells.
And right now, I was planning on making my mana go though the air for the first time ever.
So I started trying.
And I failed and failed and failed and failed and failed and failed and failed and failed and failed and failed and failed.
If I make it go too fast, I lose control of it. If I go too slow, it disperses.
I had to find the perfect balance, but I couldn't, and as such I kept failing.
I failed and failed and failed and failed and failed and failed and failed and failed and failed and failed and failed.
I was truly grasping at straws.
After an innumerable amount of attempts, I finally made it. I found the perfect balance.
But just as I had feared, infusing the sword and the stone-bullets with Yang mana did nothing.
I failed... or did I?
Did I really fail? I mean, this scenario makes no sense. Why would Shin-kun sacrifice himself for me?
There's no reason for him to go out of his way to save me.
Yeah! That's right! All of this is just a bad dream! All I gotta do is wake up from it!
...
Who am I kidding. Of course this isn't a nightmare. This is just the result of my stupid actions. I never told him just how durable I am, so he thought that this attack would kill me. As such he pushed me out of the way.
Someone was going to die because of me.
Once again.
It's always been like this. I bring nothing but bad things.
Back when I saved Crusch and Rem, I didn't even think about saving the other knights and because I didn't, all of them are dead.
I was the reason Obuch got attacked in the first place, so all of those deaths are also my fault.
And now... Shinyu as well.
All of it is my fault.
All because I'm not strong enough.
Even though the world seemed to stand still, I knew that wasn't the case.
My attempts at mana control wasted a lot of time, so the paw was now only a couple of inches away from Shinyu's face.
I didn't want to see him get reduced to nothing, so I closed my eyes and made the world go at normal speed again.
...
Not even a crunching sound followed. The leader was so strong and fast, that Shinyu wasn't even worthy of a sound.
I didn't know why, but that realizition made me go blank.
Maybe I finally broke, maybe seeing my friend die made me go ham.
I didn't really care what made me so angry.
All I cared for: was seeing all the Kyopugs here
DIE.
I opened my eyes and stared right into the leader with an expressionless face.
He was already descending his huge paw on me, but I wasn't about to run like I did before. How could I kill him if I constantly ran away after all?
I readied my sword, but that wasn't enough for me.
My sword was too small. Too weak. It wouldn't be powerful enough to deal any significant damage.
So I applied Predator to it, but that wasn't all. I extended it. I extended my Predator. I extended it until I was satisfied.
And then I moved my sword up.
No sound followed that movement.
Only after a second passed, did the sound of blood pouring from the leg hitting the floor started filling up our ears.
The leg was split into two, perfectly cut down the middle.
I could see the leader's eyes slowly filling up with terror.
In response to his fear, he started backing away as all of the normal Kyopugs started attacking me.
But just before they came close enough, my cool facade broke.
I was so full of rage that my face distorted into the most hateful expression possible.
I breathed in as much air as I could. Enhanced my throat, without worrying for the damages this move would cause, and:
"DIEEEEEEE!"
My throat got completely destroyed. I wouldn't be able to use it for a good while, but I didn't care. That also let me get some steam out of my system, so my emotionless face came back.
All the Kyopugs around me backed up as their ears started bleeding, leader included.
I jumped right at the leader and prepared my sword right away.
A huge windstorm enveloped me, but I wouldn't let that stop me.
I applied Predator on my entire body, so the wind couldn't affect me.
I could see the surprise in the leader's face.
As I got closer to him, he started throwing wind blades at me, but they did nothing as well.
As I finally got close enough, I could finally see the instinctual fear in the leader's eyes in its full glory.
I simply moved my sword across its neck.
The head came off, with the only sound accompanying it being the blood fountain raising from the neck.
I land on the ground and stop using almost everything. I spent a lot of mana on killing the leader, so I couldn't waste it on unnecessary things.
I could still kill all of the Kyopugs here tho.
They were weak.
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Is this... what you saw, Crusch?
I look at the kid that became stronger out of nowhere.
At first I was worried. A young knight ran away and broke the formation, which made everyone struggle. He didn't even do much, he just died for basically no reason.
But then, Cylob was his name I believe, started killing everything.
He managed to kill the leader all by himself, and he's still going strong.
At the pace that he's going at, he's going to kill all the Kyopugs in 15 minutes, maybe even faster.
I was truly impressed. The kid that was so careful and weak, suddenly became much stronger and more daring.
He's also... glowing...?
I shake my head.
No. No way. That's just my imagination.
He was also going crazy.
At first I thought that he just stopped holding back, but after that shout I'm sure that he went crazy.
Surprisngly, the shout didn't seem to be that loud. It was about the same level as the leader's roar, but the effect on the mabeasts was much more potent than on all of us.
He also didn't seem to take any damage from the leader's attacks, he just went through them as if they were nothing.
No matter how much I thought about it, it made no sense.
That seems to be the theme with this kid, huh. He doesn't make sense.
Considering he went crazy after that newbie died, that means he has an aversion to death, and yet he's on the battlefield.
What kind of thinking do you have to have to make that kind of decision?
...
The previous me's, huh.
He's still too innocent. He thinks that he can escape death or prevent it.
Too young. Way too young.
He won't survive in this world if he keeps thinking like this.
I hate how much he reminds me of myself. That stupid naive thinking...
...
It makes me sick.