Jeez. My uploads have been more inconsistent than Jesus's comings. Motivation can be a bitch sometimes, huh.
In all seriousness, just to throw this out there, this series is not dying unless I am.
I will finish it, even if I completely lose motivation. Tho, the quality might go down in that case.
That's all. Good luck living long enough to see this story's end!
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I woke up with a refreshed mind.
But I didn't get out of bed. I didn't want to.
I started thinking over my future actions.
...
"I give up."
That's right.
I give up.
I couldn't do this shit anymore.
I just wanted to have a normal life.
I didn't want a life where I was constantly afraid of the future.
I didn't want a life where I could do nothing, but think of all the deaths that are going to happen.
I'll just leave everything to the more capable people around me.
It's not like I did nothing either. I told everyone the future so that they will be more prepared for it. That's not nothing, so I won't feel guilty for not doing enough... right?
And after I say everything... Maybe I'll visit Obuch again.
That'll probably make me feel better.
...No, it won't.
I still can't forget the deaths I caused there. It will make me feel worse.
...
But isn't coming to terms good? If I get closure... will I feel better?
...
Why are emotions so hard?! I don't know anything at this point!
...
Whatever. I'll think about this later.
I still have everyone to talk to.
I cover myself in my blanket and do nothing...
...
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After a while, Crusch called me into her office.
When I enter it, I see that Felix and Wilhelm are also there.
Good. That'll save some time.
Wilhelm: "I do not like that look in your eyes, Cylob."
Cylob: "I predicted that... But that's not what's important right now."
I stand in the middle of the room, with the three's eyes on me.
I take a deep breath.
I've already made up my mind on telling them, but I'm still afraid that something will go wrong.
My anxiety is still there after all.
What if they don't believe me? What if some foreign entity will kill them because I told them the future? Will everything really be fine?
But I ignored those thoughts.
I wanted a break from everything stressful, and this was my path towards that goal. I wouldn't let a couple of thoughts stop me.
...right?
I shake my head and slap myself to get my feelings straight.
Cylob: "The best way to explain my situation is probably with a book."
Crusch: "A book?"
Cylob: "Yes. Say for example, someone wrote a book. With a completely made up world, made up characters. A completely fictional story. A person read that story, and really liked it. He searched for topics about this story and ended up learning a lot because of it."
Felix: "What does this have to do with you?"
I take a final deep breath.
Cylob: "What would you do if you got transported to that book?"
Everyone had different reactions to what I said, but all of them froze in shock.
Wilhelm closed his eyes in contemplation, but I couldn't read his expression.
Felix eyes became wide and started to dart around the room, but I could clearly see him slowly starting to shake from anger.
Crusch didn't change at all. She just kept sitting in the same position, with the same expression.
A heavy silence followed...
...
Wilhelm: "Could you please explain in more detail?"
Cylob: "I don't feel like there's much detail to add. I got transported to a fictional world that I read about in a book."
The already heavy atmosphere became even heavier at my confirmation.
They were probably hoping that they were just understanding it wrong, but with my confirmation, it was impossible to deny it.
Now... let's see how they'll deal with being a "character".
They are people who are technically not real people, just figments of someone's imagination - is bullshit. They are real.
But that doesn't mean it's easy to take in. And it doesn't mean that they were real.
The fact that you are who you are just because a person wrote that you should be like they invisioned... that's heavy.
Before I arrived here, everything was prewritten. And no matter how much they try to deny it, they used to be just characters.
All their history was just someone's imagination, and they didn't trully have any freedom.
I would probably go crazy from this revelation, but these are strong people. They should be able to properly digest this information.
I looked at all three of them.
Surprisingly, Felix seemed to be the least one affected. His fists were clenched in anger, but that was for another reason.
Wilhelm looked calm and composed, but it was very clear that he was shaken. From my knowledge of him, he should be the one most affected by these news, mostly because he was old. While for Crusch and Felix they were characters for only about 20 years, Wilhelm was for 60. This was a 3x difference. I felt pity for him.
Crusch on the other hand... I couldn't tell. She just had her eyes opened and was staring into space.
...
After another long silence, Crusch closed her eyes and opened them with a renewed look.
Crusch: "From which perspective was the book?"
Cylob: "That's a good question. From Natsuki Subaru's."
I was pretty surprised at her demeanor. Her eyes held nothing in them a couple of seconds ago, but in a single moment, she once again started asking questions with no hesitation.
She stared at me for while. Seemingly connecting loose dots in her head.
Crusch: "...Do you have knowledge of future events?"
Cylob: "Yes. It was the main reason I wanted to talk with you."
I was once again surprised at how easily she asked that question. I thought she would spend a little bit more time contemplating her existence...
Oh, well. It's nothing bad.
Now to move to the problematic part...
I looked in the direction of Felix. He was angry. REALLY angry.
Felix: "You knew the future... You... Hk. Why...?" He began mumbling some sentences that I couldn't quite understand. Then, he took a couple of steps towards me "Then why...!" He looked at me with hateful and tearful eyes. "Why didn't you tell us anything?!" He grabbed me by the collar and lifted me off the ground. "We... we could have saved so many people! We could have prevented so many deaths!"
It was the first time I had seen him so angry. He was so angry that his cat-like accent had completely ceased to exist.
...
But I predicted this.
Felix hates death. This was his outburst for all the deaths that happened. It made sense.
Crusch: "Ferris, calm down."
Felix: "How can I calm down?! So many deaths... And all because of what?! Why didn't you tell us sooner?! Answer me!"
The hatred he had in his eyes was intense. Even though I predicted his outburst, knowing about it and experiencing it were two different things.
Cylob: "I was afraid." I looked away from his face.
Felix: "What could you be afraid of?! If you know everything, then fix it!"
That comment made me angry, but I didn't let it show. Instead, I went on the offensive. I turned my face to face his.
Cylob: "Say you travelled back to the time when you were imprisoned. What would you do?"
Felix: "Don't try to change the topi-!
"Answer me."
Felix: "Hk!"
His voice got caught in his throat due to the sudden pressure my voice exuded.
But he still kept glaring me in the eyes trying to make me show any kind of emotion. But my completely emotionless face didn't change.
Felix: "I-I would escape! What's the point of going through that pain again?!"
He started stuttering, it was clear that he was losing momentum.
Cylob: "What about Crusch?"
Felix: "What about her?!"
Cylob: "If you did that, you wouldn't have met Crusch. And even if you did, she wouldn't care about you as much. In the end... would it really be worth it?"
Felix: "It!-... I!-..."
His eyes started wandering around the room, almost as if trying to find something to say.
Felix: "Crusch-sama would!-..."
He looked down, hoping to find the necessary words.
His arms became weak and my feet finally touched the ground.
...
He raised his head with renewed vigor.
Felix: "S-so what if she didn't care about me?! Crusch is my everything no matter what! Serving her is what I am!"
He was getting desperate, I could see it.
Cylob: "But what if she died because of that?"
Felix: "What do you mean?! There's no way Crusch would die! I wouldn't let her!"
"BUT I CAN'T DO THAT!"
He reeled back at my shout.
Cylob: "I don't have OP healing abilities like you have! I can't, just, fix a broken arm whenever I want to! I don't have a person to devote myself to either! I want to save everyone! EVERYONE! I can't save a life at the expense of another! I can't do that!"
The anger that was slowly building up during this entire exchange, had erupted in my small but powerful statement.
He was clearly taken aback by my outburst. Wilhelm also looked at me with his eyes wide open.
Felix: "B-but... so many people... Hk."
He clearly wanted to retort, but he didn't have the words to make a solid point.
Crusch: "Ferris, you've said enough. Don't make a further fool of yourself."
He begrudgingly walked to his spot behind Crusch, but his eyes couldn't leave the floor.
I didn't feel much better when I realized how much I shouted at someone innocent.
Cylob: "I'm, um, sorry for my outburst. My emotions got the better of me. Do you... want me to tell you the whole story, or just the future?"
Wilhelm and Felix didn't say anything, leaving the decision to Crusch, who after a small amount of thinking, chose:
Crusch: "The future."
Cylob: "Alright."
I get my thoughts together to make sure I don't mess up in my speech. They've never been my strong suit to be honest.
Cylob: "I just want to preface the fact that some things might have changed due to my involvement, so don't expect this to be 100% accurate."
Crusch: "We already expected that."
Cylob: "Yeah, I know. I'm just nervous. Okay *clap, let's get down to business:
In a couple of months from now on Anastasia is going to invite everybody to Priestella, to commemorate the one year anniversary of the Royal Selection...
...
...
...
But, it turns out that Priscilla had to give up her life in order to escape Sphinx's dimension. This, ultimately, resulted in her death.
The perfect woman - Priscilla Barielle, had used her last moments to compliment Natsuki Subaru and Al."
I had finally finished my explanation.
Of course, I had to skip over all the Return By Death stuff, but I gave a pretty comprehensive and short guide on what happened.
I had also explained the Archbishops' abilities. And that included Pandora.
I could see the serious and grave expressions on their faces when they heard what she could do.
Though, their reaction to Regulus was pretty much the same.
And it made sense. Both of them were literal monsters.
Wilhelm: "Thank you for telling us all of this. It's very useful information."
Cylob: "I just did what I had to do." I say with a melancholic expression.
Wilhelm: "But I still have one question."
Cylob: "Sure, go for it." I said, not expecting much.
"Are you going to act upon that guilt in your eyes?"
...
I try to say a response, but my breath gets caught in my throat.
Cylob: "I- Hk."
I knew what he was saying, but I was desperately trying to deny it.
It was curse. A curse within myself.
It was a curse that didn't allow me to love myself.
It was a curse that would never allow me to rest.
It was a curse that would never allow me to truly give up no matter how much I wanted to.
It was...
KINDNESS
I was always overly kind. I knew that.
I was a pushover.
I might act like a jerk, but that's all it would be. An act.
I could never truly hate someone.
It was true.
Even now... I can't hate Pandora.
I was a true pushover.
I wasn't trusting, hell far from it. But I always felt like giving people a second chance.
Sure, if I had the choice, I would kill Pandora rather than give her a second chance. I had common sense.
But within me, there's always a part that can't truly hate a person.
I might kill someone. I might hurt someone. I might get angry at someone.
But it would never be hate,I would always hope that they would come around.
But that wasn't where my kindness stopped.
My kindness went further.
I didn't want good or innocent people to get hurt.
It was that exact part that didn't allow me to rest and love myself.
How can I rest when there are people who are suffering way more than me? How can I love myself when there are people who do much more to change the world for the better than me?
...
It was crushing.
It hurt.
I knew that I couldn't do any better. I knew that I was doing all I could.
I KNEW it.
...
And yet I couldn't get rid of that ping in my chest.
It constantly irritated me.
"Work harder!" it said.
"Don't you dare give up!" it said.
"You can't rest yet! People are still suffering!" it said.
...
I wanted a break.
I truly did.
All I ever wanted was some downtime from that voice.
But it never went away.
No matter whatever, whenever, wherever, however I did. I couldn't get rid of it.
...
At first, I thought of it as a good thing.
Never giving up? That's a good thing!
Working harder? That's a good thing!
Wanting to make the world a better place? That's a good thing!
But... eventually I realized. I realized that it was a curse.
My self-doubt came from it.Countless other people make this world a better place, and much better than I do. I'm nothing special. Hell, I'm useless compared to some of them.
My laziness came from wanting a break from it.I'm constantly doing something. I just want some kind of break. *sigh* I guess the easiest way to decrease my workload is to put in less effort.
My outbursts came from constantly being on edge because of it.I should rest to get my mental health back to normal. But I can't do that! I must keep working! If I don't, then how will I be useful?!
My anxiety came from not wanting to worsen the lives of the people around me. I hope I'm not making anyone uncomfortable. I hope I'm not an eyesore for anyone. I donn't want anyone around me to feel bad because of me.
My anxiety came from not wanting to worsen the lives of the people around me. I hope I'm not making anyone uncomfortable. I hope I'm not an eyesore for anyone. I don't want anyone around me to feel bad because of me, so I must act in a way as to not impede on anyone.
Everything came from it.
From my kindness.
...
What should I do?
That question was constantly on my mind.
I wanted to get rid of my kindness, but I couldn't.
I constantly thought on how to get rid of it, but nothing came up.
I constantly tried to get rid of it, but nothing worked.
I was just too believing.
Acting as a homeless little girl to see the harsh realities of this world?
I'm sure that everyone has a reason for not liking homeless people. I am pretty dirty, so it's no surprise, right? Besides, a few people gave me some food, so not everyone is bad.
Going to nobility to see how little they care about people with lower status?
I can't really blame them. They have a lot of important work to do, and they have to waste their time on me. No wonder they don't like me.
No matter what I did. I never managed to hate someone.
Sure, I got angry at them, but it wasn't hate.
I tried everything I could. Everything.
And nothing managed to make me even a little bit less kind.
It was yet another infinite cycle that I couldn't escape.
...
...
...
Alright that's enough thinking. Let's go back to the real world now.
Cylob: "Unfortunately... I will act upon it. I might take a few more breaks than normal, but... I don't think I'll allow myself to...*sob* give up."
Before I knew it, my tears had started to hit the floor.
I was surprised. I didn't expect to cry from something like this.
I wiped away my tears and started heading to the door.
Cylob: "Well, I said everything I wanted to. I'll be going now."
I started turning the handle when Crusch interrupted me with her voice.
Crusch: "Are there some things that youcan'ttell us?"
Cylob: "That's an awesome question. Of course there are. If I do, you will most likely die."
I walked out of the room.
I bet their faces are shocked right now, but I can't be bothered to check.
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...
...
...
What should I do?
I just sat on the ground thinking about... nothing.
It's not like I had much to think about.
I could think about how useless I was, and how I could've done better in different points in my life, but I was tired of constantly thinking about that bullshit.
I wasn't sure whether that was a good or a bad thing.
Was thinking about nothing better than thinking about how useless I was? I couldn't tell.
It certainly felt better, but feelings aren't all there is to life.
?: "There you are!"
I turned to the source of the voice and saw Caroline.
Cylob: "Caroline? Were you searching for me?"
Caroline: "Of course I was! I haven't seen you since yesterday and I've been worried sick! Can you please explain what happened now?!"
Cylob: "I can, but I'm not sure whether you'll believe me." I scratched my head while giving a weak smile.
Caroline: "Please tell me! I want to know what happened for you to almost slice my neck and..." I could see a small blush appearing on her cheeks.
Yikes!
That was something I completely forgot about, but from her perspective it must've looked very scary, right? I wouldn't be surprised if she felt very afraid of me because of that.
I patted the ground next to me, gesturing for her to sit down.
Cylob: "Alright, but don't say I didn't warn you. You see...
...
...
...
And that's why what happened, happened."
Caroline: "I see. So that's why you said something about someone manipulating your senses. And also why..." Her cheeks became red again.
Alright, I ignored it the first time around, but what's making her blush?
Cylob: " 'And also why' what?"
Caroline: "Nothing!" She smiled.
Cylob: "*sigh* Alright. Keep your secrets."
An awkward silence fell upon us.
In this silence, I had time to think.
Of course, just like always, my thoughts were negative.
And they forced me to break the silence.
Cylob: "Caroline, why... do you love me?"
I couldn't think of a reason for anyone to love me.
Maybe I deserved the love of my mom and dad, but even that was debatable.
I didn't feel like I did anything to deserve this love. It felt unearned.
Caroline: "I'm not sure why myself." She said, casually.
"...Eh?"
I look at her with the most 'are you kidding?' face ever.
Caroline: "What? Don't look at me like that." She furrowed her brows.
Cylob: "No like, I mean, you don't have anything? Not even a single clue?"
Caroline: "Not really..." She looked at the sky in thought.
You're not making this any easier for me, Caroline! How am I supposed to make excuses to myself, when even you say that the love was unearned?!
Caroline: "I guess it all started when you started talking with the workers here."
Oh? She does have something?
Caroline: "You took your work very seriously and made sure that you made no mistakes, and yet you still had the capacity to talk to them."
Cylob: "Isn't that normal? While I do prefer to work in silence, if someone has a problem, isn't it normal to talk with them about it?"
Caroline: "Not for me it wasn't. I took my work very seriously at the time. Maybe too seriously. When I was at work, all my thoughts were work, all my words were work and all my actions were work."
Cylob: "Well, can't blame you for that. When your mother's life is on the line, everybody would act like that."
I think back to our date, specifically on how her mother looked. While on the outside she didn't really look sick, only a little pale, on the inside...
Just thinking about it is making me sick.
Caroline: "Yes, that was normal behavior. But when I saw you, the one who worked as scrutinizingly as I did, was the same age as meandmanaged to talk to others, I couldn't be satisfied with how I worked."
When I thought about it, it made sense, but there was still one piece of information that I couldn't quite understand.
Cylob: "But isn't that just reverence? How did that turn into love?"
Caroline: "I'm not sure, but the more I saw you, the more I felt a special feeling rising in my chest. And as it built up over time, it turned into love."
That's... a very small amount of information and reason. But I don't really have anything else to work with.
Caroline: "The fact that you don't bleed helped as well."
Cylob: "Hm? What do you mean by that?"
Caroline: "Well, I have an aversion to blood, and I found out that you don't have any." She gave me a small smile.
An aversion to blood?
Cylob: "So... hemophobia?"
Caroline: "Hm? What's that?"
Cylob: "A word people from my homeland used to describe people who felt sick at the sight of blood."
Caroline: "That's a... very specific word."
Cylob: "It is, but it's useful in very specific circumstances. Like yours, for example."
Caroline: "I see..."
...Now that I think about it, did I ever tell her?
Cylob: "I have something else to say that might shock you."
Caroline: "What is it?"
Cylob: "I'm from beyond the Great Waterfall."
She froze in shock.
Heh. I expected some kind of reaction, but not to this degree.
Caroline: "You're not... lying, are you?" She narrowed her eyes at me.
Cylob: "What's the point of lying about something like this?" I raise an eyebrow at her.
She looked down in contemplation.
Is this really that big of a deal? I was kinda surprised at how easily Crusch took it, but I didn't expect for a normal person to react like this.
Caroline: "Do you have a different language over there?" She spoke up out of nowhere.
Cylob: "That's a weird question. And to answer it: we speak the same, but the way it's written down is different. So I can speak to you normally, but if I write something down, you won't be able to understand it."
Caroline: "Is that what the squiggles were?"
Cylob: "What squiggles?"
Caroline: "The ones on your papers."
My papers?-oh.
Cylob: "Yeah, that's right... Wait... How do you even know about them?"
Caroline: "I cleaned your room once, so I stumbled upon them."
Cylob: "I see."It must've been at the time when I wasn't at the residence.
Caroline: "I also showed them to Crusch."
She did?! They weren't even ready! And it's not like anybody can understand what's written on them! What was the point?!
Cylob: "I guess that means that I should translate them. They're practicaly useless if you don't know what's written on them." I hold my head.
Caroline: "Well, she already managed to make the peeler."
Cylob: "She did?"
Caroline: "Yes. I've even used it. It's much safer than using a knife, but it seems to be a little bit slower."
Cylob: "Of course it'd be slower. It's either safety or speed. That's how it is with everything. If you want it done safely and carefully, then doing it fast won't work."
Caroline: "Maria would beg to differ. She's fast and careful." She smirked.
Cylob: "Not really. If she goes too fast, even she will make mistakes. Speed is relative after all." I shrug.
...I just said something pretty smart, didn't I? I kinda feel proud about that.
Caroline: "I guess you're right, hehe!" She grinned.
She's pretty cute when she smiles like that.
...Must protect.
As I was lost in my thoughts, I didn't even notice the sides of my mouth rising.
But I did notice Caroline's eyes sparkle.
Like, they were literally sparkling. I wasn't sure if that was healthy.
Cylob: "Um... You okay?"
Caroline: "I'm better than okay!" She smiled from ear to ear. Literally.
...Just how flexible is her face?
Then I heard something interesting from far away.
Cylob: "Well, I guess it's time to work." I start standing up.
Caroline: "? What do you mean?"
I point in a certain direction.
The moment Caroline looked there, a person entered our view.
Maria: "There you are, Caroline. It's time to go back to work, the break is over."
Caroline: "I'm sorry, I must have lost track of time." She quickly stood up and brushed her maid uniform.
I also start preparing to do my usual sword 'training'.
Now that I think about it, why did I just sit doing nothing before Caroline came? I should've been practicing. I don't have time to waste.
Caroline: "Bye, Cylob!" She said as she walked away.
Cylob: "Bye, Carol." I said as I swung my sword.
She stopped in tracks for a little bit, but then continued walking.
And so I started swinging my sword just like always.
...
...
...
I don't deserve this.
"...I don't care."
I should've told everyone about the future earlier. And I didn't because I was ~scared~. How pathetic.
"...It isn't pathetic. It's normal behavior, I'm a child."
Even Petra would've done better, and she's much younger than me. I'm so useless...
"I'm not."
I just keep making things worse. I haven't done anything helpful. I should just disappear.
"I... saved Crusch and Rem."
The one time I did something 'helpful', I couldn't even save the knights. Telling everyone about the attack beforehand would've been the better solution. And the reason I didn't, was because I was ~scared~ once again. I should stop making up excuses, those deaths were totally on my hands.
"I..."
I don't deserve Caroline's love.
"...I..."
I lower my sword.
...
I clench my teeth in anger.
"JUST SHUT UP ALREADYYY! WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO BE SO NEGATIVE?! WHY WAS I MADE THIS WAY?! WHY CAN'T I JUST ACCEPT THE FACT THAT I DID ALL I COULD?!
Constantly going on and on and on and on, it's so annoying! What do I want myself to do?! To go back in time?! I can't time travel, dumbass! And even if I use Subaru, he can't go back so far!
Why do I always have to be so hung up on the past?! Why can't I focus on the future or present?! If I don't deserve it, I should just become better, until I am! Why am I constantly holding myself back by having all these negative thoughts?! WHY CAN'T I JUST CONTROL MYSELF?!"
pant* *pant* *pant* *pant*
...Heh. Old habits die hard. I don't need to breathe, and yet I'm panting.
Cylob: "Yep, that's good. I should just keep making jokes like that. I don't want to go back to my sour mood."
I get back into my stance.
And I immediately facepalm.
Cylob: "I'm such a dumbaaaass. I must've made a huge disturbance by shouting so suddenly. Now I'm going to have to apologize to eveyone about that, but I'm too lazy to do thaaaat. Damn my lazy seeeelf." I drag my hand down my face.
...I smile.
Cylob: "Yea... this feels good. Overdramatizing everything just like I used to with my friends."
...
I miss them.
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...
...
...
"Crusch-sama?"
!
I awoke from my stupor at Felix's call.
Crusch: "What is it Ferris?"
Ferris: "You should take a break, nya~!"
Crusch: "No matter how many times you tell me that, it won't change the amount of work I have to do." I said, hiding my exasperation.
Ferris: "You haven't been sleeping well for over a week now, Crusch-sama. As your attendant and healer, it is my obligation to make sure you are healthy, nya~!"
Crusch: "I understand, but..." I look at the request that has been giving me trouble over the past week. "This is from the Council Of Elders, I cannot ignore it."
Ferris: "Them again?" He said, his mood clearly souring. "What do they wyant this time?"
Crusch: "Wilhelm..."
Ferris: "Old Man Wil?!" His already bad mood became even worse.
Crusch: "Yes. And they still haven't told me what it's for." I said, trying to hide my appearing headache.
Ferris: "They have already asked for a lot of myanpower. Now, they are asking for Old Man WIl. And they still haven't told you what they nyeed them for?! There should be limit for these things, Crusch-sama!" His bad mood transformed into full on wrath.
Crusch: "Trust me Ferris, I'm just as exasperated as you, but I don't have much choice. Not only does this seem important for the kingdom, I can't risk sullying the waters between me and the council even further. They already don't like me too much due to my hatred of the dragon, who they basically worship, so getting their good will is important."
Ferris: "But they've hit the limit! Asking for Old Man Wil, your personal butler, is too myuch!"
Crusch: "Did you already forget his title of 'The Sword Demon'? He's someone who's respected and looked up to. There's a reason why there's a ballad about him. Asking for someone of his stature is nothing to be surprised about."
Ferris: "That doesn't chyange the fact that he's your personal butler, Crusch-sama! I say, if they wyant him, they better tell you what all of this is about!"
Trust me Ferris, I'd do that if I could...
While I didn't get information on what all this manpower is for, it is apparently something that could "Ruin the Kingdom!" if not taken care of.
I can't let this kingdom fall before I become King.
Crusch: "Like I said, I don't have a choice."
Ferris: "Bu-
"This discussion is over."
He frowned and stopped troubling me... is what I thought.
Ferris: "...Should I ask Cylo-kyun about this?"
I froze at the name he threw out.
Crusch: "Cylob...?"
I asked him, but he kept silent.
Crusch: "Answer me. What are you planning to do?"
Ferris: "I just wanted to know whether Cylo-kyun knew anything about this. He knows the future, so maybe he could give us a clue."
That's... true. I hadn't thought about that.
...No, I have. I just didn't want to think about Cylob.
The amount of information Cylob told all of us, was crushing to be honest.
Of course, the fact that he knew about the future was reassuring, it was something that could minimize the damage done to the Kingdom, but it could also be something that could cause great harm. And it was all because of one thing-
The Gospel.
He told us about these as well.
They were books that every Witch Cult member had, and they were things that could predict the future.
If us knowing about the future would change the Gospel's instructions... that would be very problematic.
But still, asking Cylob, huh...
Crusch: "I'm surprised you're willing to talk with him."
The anger he showed towards Cylob earlier today was not made up. And as someone who knows how much Ferris hates death, it was surprising that he would even think about talking to him.
Ferris: "If it's for your sake, I don't myind anything, nya~!" He said this with surprising cheerfulness.
Asking Cylob could be the perfect solution. And even if he doesn't know anything, we don't lose much.
Crusch: "Sure. Why don-
"just shut up alreadyyyy!"
Both of us froze while looking at each other.
That was... definitely Cylob.
The voice came from far away, and this room was properly sealed, so little sound could get out and from it. And yet, we still heard it.
Crusch: "Are you sure he's in the proper mental state to talk right now?"
We kept hearing his shouts, but these ones were quieter. Still, they were pretty loud if we could hear them.
Ferris: "Umm... Trying won't hurt!" He tried to hide the uncertainty in his voice, but failed pretty miserably.
I think about it again.
The last time we saw him, he was pretty mentally unstable.
The smallest of sparks caused his anger to boil over, and the smallest of drops made his eyes full of tears.
Is it really alright to talk with him right now?
Crusch: "I think we should hold off on asking him."
Ferris looked at me, puzzled.
Ferris: "If you're worried about his mental state, then you should understand that nothing will get better with time, it'll get better with action. And if we don't ask him, you'll just let them take away Wilhelm for nothing."
His last sentence was more of a complaint than a solid point, but I decided to trust his judgement.
Crusch: "Alright, then let's ask him. Could you bring him here then?"
Ferris: "Roger that, Crusch-sama!"
As Ferris left the room, I put aside the Council Of Elders' request and started working on other documents.
...Or at least tried to.
Both Cylob, and the Council Of Elders have been acting more and more weirdly as time goes on, and they constantly interrupted my thoughts.
While for Cylob, who is a growing child, acting weirdly is normal, it's not like that for the Council Of Elders.
They have been acting way too secretly, and it also looks like they are getting desperate.
Well, I should save that for after I ask Cylob about them. It'll clear things up a bit.
And that left me thinking solely of Cylob.
He's... new.
That was the only word that could properly describe what I thought of him.
His entire being was something that I have never experienced before.
Not only is he a growing teenager, which is an archetype I don't have much familiarity with, he's also the person who was the first to make me doubt myself.
When he first came, I doubted my divine protection for the first time.
When I confronted him for his connection with the bowel hunter and I saw his distraught face, I doubted my methods for the first time.
He was the first person to make me doubt my combat capability when I cut off his arms, and I was glad he was. If it was anyone else, they wouldn't have gotten so easily off.
And since he made me doubt myself so much, I even felt frustrated at myself sometimes.
But I didn't let that frustration show, nor did I take it out on him. I instead used it as fuel to work even harder.
This lead to Ferris worrying about me.
He has asked me to rest countless times, but I denied him every time. If I didn't, my frustration would go nowhere.
Still, I feel bad for Ferris. He cares for me, but I always have to refuse him.
Ferris: "I brought, Cylo-kyun!"
Ferris shout made me awake from my stupor.
Cylob: "What did you need me for, Crusch-sama?"
He looked very calm and composed, the complete opposite from when I last saw him.
Crusch: "I'll get straight to the point. The Council Of Elders has been asking for more and more manpower for some kind of goal. They had not told me what it is for, and now they are asking for Wilhelm. Do you know anything about this?"
Cylob: "The Council Of Elders..."
He scratches his chin while looking at the ceiling.
Cylob: "To be honest, the year after the defeat of the White Whale wasn't in the main story. There were some side stories, but I doubt any of them had anything to do with the Council Of Elders."
Ferris: "What do those bastards want then?" He grumbled.
Cylob: "I don't know. But since it's not in the main story, it's probably nothing major, so you shoudn't worry too much."
I looked down in contemplation as Ferris did too.
Cylob's gaze wondered back and forth between the two of us.
Cylob: "They're surprisingly worried."
Cylob: "If you're so hung up about it, I believe I have a way of finding out, but there's two conditions that must be met."
Ferris looked up at him with happiness, and I did with intrigue.
Crusch: "What are they?"
Cylob: "The first, is the fact that Julius is involved in this." He looks at me for confirmation.
Crusch: "Considering the fact that he's in the Royal Guard, he most likely is." I nod.
Cylob: "Great." He nods. "And the second one is..."
We both look at him with anticipation.
Cylob: "You being fine with blackmail."
.▓▒░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░▒▓.
We walk together, in silence.
I felt kind of guilty for what I was about to do, but also a bit relieved.
This was something I had almost forgotten about, but since all my failures are perfectly recorded in my brain, it resurfaced when I saw how bothered Crusch and Felix were about the matter with the Council Of Elders.
Good thing I forgot to mention that part when I told them the main story.
It was a fact that I could use right now.
Anastasia's broken body and Echidna!
I was going to blackmail Anastasia, and use that against Julius!
I've been waiting to nip this in the bud for so long! I messed up a really long time ago, and now I can use that mess up for something good!
Felix: "To be honest, I was pretty surprised that you of all people would use blackmail, Cylo-kyun."
Felix was the person I was walking with.
We were both walking to a meeting with Anastasia together. (I didn't have the balls to go alone.)
Since I had dirt on Anastasia, we were be able to prepare a meeting in just one day. It stupidly fast considering how busy she was.
Cylob: "I'm not above using anything. I'm so low, that any method will suffice. And to be honest, I feel like this will give Anastasia some peace of mind."
Felix: "I've never heard of blackmail giving peace of myind." He looked at me with doubt written all over his face. "And you shouldn't say her nyame so casually. You should be myore respectful."
Cylob: "Hai, Professor Blue." I say this in an even more monotone voice than I normally speak in.
Felix: " 'Professor Blue'? That's something I've never heard before."
Cylob: "Of course you haven't. There's no way you could be a teacher, let alone a professor."
He narrowed his eyes at me.
Felix: "Was that supposed to be a joke?"
Cylob: "All jokes have some truth in them."
Felix: "Hm~? Trying to act smyart, are you, nya~? Well, that's fine."
And that's how our short converstation ended.
...And how my negative thoughts started attacking me again.
I need to keep the conversation going!
Cylob: "I'm really surprised you're willing to talk to me. I was 100% sure you would still hate me."
Felix: "I'm glad you think of my opinion so highly, Cylo-kyun!"
Cylob: "I didn't say that. Don't put words in my mouth." I furrow my brows.
Felix: "Hm... While I'm nyot sure what you meant by that, even if you didn't say it, you feel like it, don't you?"
...Correct.
I had no idea Felix could read me so easily.
Cylob: "Kinda. Everyone's opinions are important to me, not just yours."
Felix: "Aw. You're myaking me sad. We spent so much time together." He put on a sad face.
Cylob: "Don't try to dodge the question." I said, the annoyance clear in my face and voice.
Felix: "Hm... Well, if you want it that much, I'll tell you."
He looked me straight in the eyes.
Felix: "What's the point?"
...Huh?
Cylob: "What do you mean, 'what's the point'? You hate death, and if I told all of you sooner, they wouldn't have had to die. Everything went bad because I was being a little piss baby."
He laughed a little bit at my comment.
Felix: "Well, first of all, that already happened. The past can't be changed."
Cylob: "True." I nod. "But that's no reason to hide your anger."
Felix: "I'm nyot hiding it, I don't have it." He corrected me with his finger pointing up.
Cylob: "...How?"
How could somebody get rid of all that hate in such a short amount of time?
Felix: "Because you hate death myore than me, nya~!"
My feet stop in their tracks.
Cylob: "W-what do you mean? You're a healer, there's no way I'd hate death more than you."
Felix: "Then why did you give that speech about saving everyone?" He cocked his head at me.
Cylob: "That's..."
I clench my hands into fists.
...
sigh*
Cylob: "Yeah. You're probably right." I start walking again.
Felix: "I'm surprised you were so set on denying it, Cylo-kyun." He looked at me with curiousity.
Cylob: "I just didn't want to admit that weakness of mine."
Felix: "Weakness...?" His eyes widen a bit.
Cylob: "Hating death so much, that you lose reason when you see it, is a weakness."
Felix: "Ah, so that's what you meant. I guess it is." He nodded, cheerfully.
Our conversation ended. Again.
...I still don't believe it.
Cylob: "Can you please tell the real reason why you don't have any anger towards me?"
Felix: "Hm?" He cocked his head. "But I just said it. Or did you nyot believe me, Cylo-kyun?"
Cylob: "Me hating death more than you doesn't justify you not having any anger."
He looks at me with a blank expression.
Felix: "Why are you talking like you're the only one who blames himself for other people's deaths?"
My eyes open wide.
Felix: "I knyow that feeling quite well, and considering how much you hate death, I can't even imagine what kinds of nyegative thoughts you have."
He... fully read me.
Cylob: "Huh. I guess I completely forgot about that..."
I've been so focused on my mental state, that I forgot how everyone else feels. That's kinda patheti-
I pinch myself.
Bad Cylob. No negative thoughts.
Felix: "And that's why I realized that you'll beat yourself up over it so much, that I don't really need to intervene. You knyow exactly how I feel towards you, nyo matter what I do, nya~!"
I was surprised at the sudden intellect Felix was showing.
I knew that he was smart, but not to this extent.
Cylob: "That's really smart. No wonder you're Crusch's closest aid."
Felix: "Of course! That's actually the reason why I couldn't myeet your face during out last myeeting."
Cylob: "Was that when you were looking at the floor?"
Felix: "Yep! After your outburst, I realized how much pressure I was putting on you, so I couldn't myeet your face because I felt guilty." He repeatedly nodded.
Cylob: "You sure got over feeling guilty fast." I said, a little annoyed.
Felix: "Well, if you feel guilty, you should just myake up for what you did, not brood over it."
Cylob: "Is that why you got so friendly with me out of nowhere?"
Since the start of this conversation, hell since the moment he called for me to come to Crusch, he's been much more friendly with me than normal.
I wasn't complaining, no, far from it. I just couldn't help but notice his sudden change in attitude.
Felix: "Yep!" He said this with his usual cheerful attitude.
Our converstation ended once again, but this time around, my negative thoughts didn't attack me.
.▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒.
Anastasia: "So, ya wanted to talk with me, Julius and Ricardo?"
I was in front of Anastasia with Felix beside me, while Julius and Ricardo were both behind Anastasia.
Cylob: "Yes, Anastasia Hoshin." I nod.
Even though I didn't let it show in my voice, I was pretty nervous right now.
Anastasia was one of the most cunning people out there.
If I wasn't careful, something terrible might happen.
Anastasia narrowed her eyes at me with her usual smile.
Anastasia: "Are ya going to blackmail me?"
Cylob: "Yes." I nodded with no hesitation.
Ricardo: "You're quite bold, kid. It's not often that someone can say something like that in front of us." He smiled at me, but I could see that he was a little bit angry.
Julius was also looking at me with a disappointed look.
Cylob: "..." I couldn't say anything to them, so I looked back at Anastasia. "Since I can't negotiate, I'll say what I want. I want Julius to say what the Council Of Elders is doing. In exchange, I won't tell anyone about your weakness."
Anastasia: "So it ain't even me that ya want something from, it's Julius?" Her expression didn't change one bit.
Cylob: "Correct."
I looked at Julius, and he was shocked.
He was frozen in place and was staring at air with a grim look.
Anastasia: "If it's Julius ya'll are after, then I'm not gonna be of much help. He won't even tell me what's goin' on."
Cylob: "I beg to differ. It's a decision I'm offering Julius. Either he keeps his knightly honour, in which case you'll have a massive disadvantage in the election, or he doesn't keep it and tells us everything, in which case nothing bad will happen."
I look at Julius again.
He was probably already contemplating this even before I said it out loud, but this confirmed what my intentions were.
Anastasia: "Can ya answer one question of mine, tho'?"
Cylob: "What is it?"
Anastasia: "Why do you think you're the only one capable of blackmailin'?" Her smile seemed much more sinister now.
This was something that would've affected a normal person greatly, but I was not a normal person.
Cylob: "I don't. It just stands that you have much more to lose." I shrug.
Anastasia: "You're not the only one I have dirt on. I also have some on Crusch and other members of the Crusch camp."
I looked at Felix, but he seemed unaffected by what Anastasia said.
When he noticed my gaze, he nodded, almost as if saying he trusted me.
Thank god he took this so calmly.
I look back at Anastasia with an unchanging neutral expression.
Cylob: "Then use it."
She starts scrutunizing me. I match her gaze.
A couple of seconds pass as we stare at each other.
Anastasia: "Ya seem to have me figured out. I ain't ever seen somebody like ya." She turns to Julius. "Sorry, but I can't do anything more. It's all up to you, Juli."
Julius's look was now grave.
It was a hard choice to make for him, it seemed.
Wow, this must be something ultra important if he's thinking this much.
Even I was getting interested at this point.
Julius: "It's something that greatly concerns Lugunica. If this is not done, then the whole Kingdom will be massively affected."
Cylob: "I already know that."
I could see him clenching his teeth.
Julius: "We are..." It was clear that he was forcing himself to say it. "searching for a person."
...That's it? What a massive let down. I guess I should try to get more information.
Cylob: "Why?"
Julius: "It's... the order of the Dragon Tablet."
This revelation sent everyone in the room in shock.
But the most affected... was me.
How could this happen? Did I do something wrong? There's no way something as important as this wouldn't be in the main means that I fucked up. I made a butterfly effect.
I'm so stupid. Did this happen because I told Crusch about the future? Why did I decide to do that? I'm so stupid.
Now, something major that I don't know about will happen. The only thing I have: knowledge, will be useless here. I will be totally useless in this situation.
I made everything worse aga-
"Calm down!"
Felix's call stopped my negative train of thought.
He was shaking me by the shoulders, but I didn't notice until he shouted at me.
How was I so absorbed in my thoughts? It's not usually this extreme.
Cylob: "S-sorry, I was just so shocked."
Felix: "Are you sure you're okay?" He looked at me with worry.
Cylob: "Y-yeah."
Normally, when I was brought out of my negative thoughts, my emotions would slowly start dissipating, but I could feel that my fear was going nowhere. Something clearly unnatural was happening. Still, I didn't want to let that weakness show, especially in front of Anastasia.
Cylob: "So, the dragon tablet you say?"
Julius: "Yes. We've been tasked with finding this person. His name is Mihail."
At the mention of that name, an invisible chill ran on my back.
Please...Don't...
He pulls out a portrait out of his uniform.
No...
No, no, no, no, no, no.
NonononononononononononoNO!
I shake with fear as I look at the face in front of me.
It was a face I hadn't seen in months, but one that was extremely familiar to me.
I blinked and rubbed my eyes, hoping that I was just seeing things, but I wasn't.
The face in front of me, belonged tome.
It wasn't Cylob's face, it was mine. The me before I got transported here.
Mine
...
I felt fear.
Just fear. Only fear. Solely fear. Exclusively fear.
Fear. Fear. Fear. Fear. Fear. Fear. Fear. Fear. Fear. Fear. Fear. Fear.
I'm gonna die. They're searching for me. There's nothing I can do. I massively fucked up. I shouldn't have told anyone anything. I shouldn't have changed the main story in the first place. I should have just done nothing. That would've been better.
FEAR. FEAR. FEAR. FEAR. FEAR. FEAR. FEAR. FEAR. FEAR. FEAR. FEAR. FEAR. FEAR. FEAR. FEAR. FEAR. FEAR. FEAR. FEAR. FEAR. FEAR.
Why did I get sent here? Why couldn't I just enjoy my life at home? I wasn't a NEET, I wasn't a shut in, hell, I was actually kinda smart. Why did this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this? There's no reason for me to be here. I can't do anything here. I just make things worse. I'm worse than usele-
"CALM DOWN! *SLAP*"
That snapped me back to reality.
But it didn't help.
I could feel that my fear was growing by the second.
I tried to breathe slowly, but it didn't help.
Anything I tried to calm myself down, it didn't help.
The fear just kept growing.
I started to hyperventilate.
Why am I hyperventilating? I don't need to breathe!
But my question weren't answered, instead the fear just kept increasing.
And as soon as it reached a certain point, I started to feel another sensation.
This one was... soothing.
It felt very comfortable.
It was something I could fully immerse myself in.
It felt... just like home.
This is unnatural.
It was clear that something wrong was happening to me, but I didn't know what.
This is... dangerous!
I could feel that something was wrong with this soothing sensation.
Suddenly, I felt someone touch my back.
"Get away from me!"
I couldn't risk someone getting hurt because of what was happening to me.
I could feel this soothing sensation taking over my mind and body.
"Everyone, don't come close!"
It was getting worse and worse.
I'm so pathetic. I need his help again.
With the last bit of my consciousness, I had no choice but to go for the most low risk option.
"cAlL fOR SUbaRu!!!"
My mind wend dark.
.▓▒▓▒▓▒▓▒▓▒▓▒▓▒▓▒▓▒▓▒▓.
A woman was walking with a boy side by side.
Both of them looked weird.
They had such clothes, that they were covering their whole body, including their faces.
It was then that the building near them started to suddenly collapse.
Both of them stopped.
The boy didn't react to the collapsing building.
The woman meanwhile, took a book out of her clothes.
woman: "Is that really all?"
The contents of the book made her mood sour a bit.
She thought that she would be able to tell Lugunica about the wonders of love, but it looked like her job here was done.
She turned to the boy.
woman: "Don't you think it's sad that everyone here won't know about love?"
The boy didn't react, except for a single tear that the woman saw.
woman: "Yes! I knew you would get me! Love is the most pure emotion, and yet I can't tell eveyone here about it! I just wish I could teach them all about love." She said, a little dejected.
The boy didn't react.
woman: "And you could've been a great help! After all, you already know all about love, as you've already experienced it! It's truly sad that we can't share this feeling we both feel!"
The boy didn't react.
woman: "...Why aren't you saying anything?"
She crouched down to his level and removed his hood.
What she saw in front of her, was a boy so full of fear, that he was completely immobilized.
woman: "Ah, that's right. I'm sorry. I should've known how you felt. I'm sorry. Thank you, for listening to what I had to say. Thank you. I'm sorry. I'll do something to apoligize. I'm sorry."
With so many 'thank you's and 'sorry's said that they had lost meaning, she removed her hood.
woman: "I hope seeing my face is enough of an apology. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for trivializing your feelings towards Ashley, Calob. I should've known you wanted to keep silent about your love. I'm sorry."
With a face with naught but a single emotion, the boy named Calob looked at the almost fully bandaged face of the woman in front of him.
If he wasn't under her authority, he would get angry, try to punch her, try to hurt her, but he couldn't do any of that.
All he could do, was shake in fear and cry with nonexistent tears.