Happy Monday :)

We have a bit of a darker chapter, starting with the betrayal of Blackwall.
TW (Trigger Warning): Death and mention of suicide. Mental health comes first so if you need to skip a few parts, feel free x

We do have some darker chapters approaching and this is the start of them. Don't worry, Lara and Cullen will still be together. I could never separate them.

Thank you for all the love so far and hope you enjoy xx

—-

Chapter 37:

Exhaustion seeped into her bones in the best way possible. Lara spent the morning at the College as per Solas's request. Today's lesson was focused on teaching the mages how to harness their emotions and utilize it in their magic. Solas had been working with her privately ever since her outburst at the Temple. She didn't protest knowing how dangerous her magic could become if her emotions overtook her and she didn't want to give Vivienne any fuel. She was always on the lookout to prove why magic was dangerous and that mages needed to be put back in the Circles.

The mages were only too excited to have the Inquisitor by their side learning with them. One of their own. Guilt filled her as she realized she spent little time here and needed to visit more, but her duties always pulled her elsewhere. Her mana was nearly depleted by the end of the lesson but she oddly felt energized despite it. It also laid rest to the tension forming in her body as her future loomed overhead, like a dark cloud that followed her too closely for her liking. After class, she indulged in some gossip with the female mages including her relationship with the Commander. She made sure not to reveal anything that was meant to be secret. Only enough to make them swoon.

Lara gathered her remaining items and made her way towards Solas. She could sense that he knew she was affected by something. It had been a while since she spoke with him properly. Perhaps a visit to the Fade would be needed. Hopefully, with no odd happenings.

"I believe nightmares still plague your sleep," Solas spoke as she drew near.

"You can see them?" She asked, confused.

"Not quite. I can sense you in the Fade but I cannot make out what the nightmares are precisely," Solas answered.

"My future. Well, your future I suppose…if I don't make it," Lara looked away.

"Is this why you're avoiding the Commander again?"

"Damnit Solas," Lara whispered angrily. "Get out of my head."

Solas smiled. "There's no need to be in your head when you already make it so obvious."

"Dorian always says he has the blessed patience of Andraste herself," Lara rolled her eyes.

Solas let out a sigh. "Please don't make me agree with him. I've done that more than I care to admit."

"He's not that bad, you know," Lara smirked.

"I'm not responding to that," Solas deadpanned.

Lara let out a laugh, shaking her head.

"You should speak with him, lethallan," Solas pressed on.

"He has nightmares of his own," Lara shook her head.

It wasn't a lie. He had often woken up in a panic, covered in sweat, not realizing where he was until he settled down. He had never silenced her, but she worried he might if he was disoriented enough and believed he was back in the Circle. She never asked what his nightmares were about and he hadn't asked about hers. It was an unspoken silence between them.

"So? It doesn't mean you aren't able to work on them together. You may even find your nightmares are similar," Solas confided.

"The more I keep distance, the less attached I am to what happens to him if I fail," Lara swallowed hard, trying to push the unwanted images away.

"You seem bent on believing you're going to die. True, I do not know your outcome but that does not mean you will fail," Solas reminded her.

Lara swallowed hard, examining her hand. She had done well in keeping it out of sight recently. This Anchor that could save the world, but was costing her her life as the days passed by. The fear of not knowing what would happen to her if she were to defeat Corypheus plagued her.

"Was he really there in the dungeon? When I was a prisoner?" Lara asked.

"The Commander? Yes. Day and night he kept watch over you even though the task could have easily been given to one of his men. I wasn't certain at the time what his reasoning was but it became clear to me as time passed. It did, however, make my job of studying your anchor a bit difficult," Solas explained.

"In case he silenced you?" Lara looked at him.

"I'm not sure he still possesses the ability, but yes, it was a risk," Solas nodded.

Suddenly, words escaped her. He had been there, watching her. Day and night Solas said. How long was she unconscious for that he had been keeping watch on her? Even then, there had been a connection between them. One Lara had exhaustingly fought only to lose so dreadfully. As much as she yearned to confide in him, she couldn't bear him carrying her weight, her burdens, her fears. He had far too many demons of his own.

"Do you still have time to visit the Fade?" Lara asked.

"Of course," Solas placed a hand on her shoulder.

The Fade was no escape for her. It was a one way ticket to the chaos inside her head. The chaos and fear of the world being swallowed whole if she failed and what that meant to everyone she held dear to her.

—-

"Surprised you didn't ask me to have one of those death drinks with you," Lara teased as she met Bull on the battlements.

"There will be time for that later," Bull answered.

Lara arched an eyebrow, noticing how tense Bull seemed. As if he were expecting something or someone. It was also odd he wanted to meet on the battlements and requested her to have her staff ready. She trusted Bull though. A sudden clean swish of a blade rang in her ears and the two scouts that appeared behind Bull weren't scouts at all. Quickly, she grabbed her staff but Bull was already on the two men, his fists flying towards one of their faces. The other managed to get some distance and before Lara could attack, Bull grunted as he staggered back, a knife penetrating his skin.

"Bull!" Lara shouted in panic.

Frost flew from her staff towards the man who had stabbed Bull. The other yelled something but she caught the words Tal-Vashoth, which caused her heart to wring itself out. This was about Bull's betrayal to the Qun.

"I got it!" Bull gritted out as he threw his weapon straight at his attacker.

Before Lara realized, Bull had grabbed the two men, throwing them off the battlements and into the depths below Skyhold. There was no way their bodies would have withstood that drop and the impact.

"Yeah, yeah, my soul's dust. Yours is scattered all over the ground, though, so…" Bull spoke aloud.

He stopped himself with a loud grunt as he gripped his arm.

"Sorry Boss. I thought I needed back-up. Seems like I managed though," Bull finished.

"You knew they were coming?" Lara asked.

"A little change in the guard rotation tipped me off. Cullen's strict on who keeps guard. He has it running like clockwork. Since I know the schedule, any sudden change immediately gave it away," Bull had the audacity to wink at her.

"And you didn't think to tell me?!" Lara crossed her arms.

Bull chuckled. "You're cute when you're mad. If I had warned you, you most likely would have told Cullen. Either way, the assassins would've been tipped off."

Lara sighed, annoyed. "How's your arm?"

"Fine. Hurt myself worse than this fooling around in bed," Bull said casually.

Lara flushed at his words, not expecting his answer. Another insight to Dorian's sex life that she absolutely did not ask for. Or maybe he wasn't talking about Dorian. She knew Bull had quite the sexual experience so he could have been talking about anyone.

"Nice to know," Lara shook her head. "What if it's poisonous? Or laced with something?"

"Oh, they definitely used poison. Saar-qamek. Liquid form," Bull confirmed.

"Bull! What the fuck! Go get that looked at! Last thing I need is Dorian after me because I let his lover die," Lara panicked at the thought.

"Don't worry Boss," Bull laughed. "I've been dosing myself up with an antidote. If I hadn't, I'd be going crazy and puking my guts up right now."

"That is absolutely not helping me right now!"

"If it makes you feel better, I'll go and see the healers. First, let me clean this shit up and let Red know what happened," Bull nodded to her.

Lara turned to leave to go find Dorian and fill him in on what happened. He'd absolutely want to know that the Qun was targeting his lover for a decision that she made. Even if Bull and Dorian were happy with her decision, that didn't mean it came without consequences.

"Boss. Whatever I miss, whatever I regret…this is where I want to be. Whenever you need an ass kicked, the Iron Bull is with you," Bull called after her.

"And there's no one else I'd rather have by my side. You still owe me a drink though," Lara glared at him.

"You know where to find me," Bull laughed.

—-

Josephine appeared anxious during their meeting as they went over details regarding her journey to the Deep Roads. It was the next big mission that awaited Lara and it was weighing heavy on her. Being underground for Maker knows how long with no sunlight, no night and day. She wasn't sure how she was going to cope but she didn't have the luxury of opting out of her responsibilities. The whole world depended on her. Josephine's nerves though were something else entirely.

"I take it your worries aren't about the Deep Roads?" Lara arched an eyebrow.

"Worries? Whoever said I was worried?" Josephine asked, not making eye contact.

"No one needed to say it," Lara answered.

Josephine sighed, glancing again at the flowers in her vase that weren't replaced. Suddenly it clicked.

"He hasn't replaced your flowers?" She asked.

"I am uncertain as to where he is. If I seek him out, it would be too obvious. Have I done something? Said something? Perhaps he's given up on chasing after something that cannot be," Josephine hung her head.

Lara stood up from her seat. Her heart ached for Josephine. She couldn't imagine being tied to her family and never being able to have Cullen. To endure the possibility that he would be with someone else and she would have to live that kind of hell.

"Just wait till I find him," Lara answered.

"I'm not sure I want to know the answer," Josephine scribbled away.

"Better I find him instead of Leliana," Lara smiled.

A faint smile played on Josephine's lips. Lara gave her hand a reassuring squeeze as she turned to leave and have it in with Blackwall for leaving Josephine like this. She truly hoped Blackwall did not suddenly lose interest in her after all this time. All the secret meetings, the flowers, the glances and smiles they exchanged together. She sincerely hoped he was just busy and wasn't giving up on her.

—-

Abandonment. Dread and panic filled her body as her mind unleashed moments she fought so hard to keep at bay. Her worst nightmare was everyone leaving her. Abandoning her. In black and white, that's exactly what Blackwall had done. He had also abandoned Josephine in the process, the decaying flowers in her office proof of that. That lump sat heavy in her throat, taking her breath and voice away. It was time to get Leliana involved.

Inquisitor,

You have been a true friend and an inspiration. You've given me the wisdom to know right from wrong and, more importantly, the courage to uphold the former.

It's been an honor to serve you, my lady.

Blackwall.

Keeping the letter close to her, she made her way to Leliana but entered from the top of the library. If she had passed by Dorian, he'd ask too many questions. He knew her too well when something was wrong. For Josephine's sake, she wished to keep this as quiet as she could. She replayed the letter over in her head. She had been a true friend and had given him wisdom to know right from wrong.

Still not enough for him to want to stay.

Lara shook her head as if to shoo the thoughts away. Abandonment seemed to chase her at every corner, she couldn't escape it. It was why she stayed alone for so long. Everyone left in the end. Leliana was thankfully where she normally was in her corner of the library. Leliana gave her a small smile but it immediately faded upon seeing her expression. Without greeting her, she handed her the letter for her to read. Her expression turned from curious to sour in seconds.

"I knew I should have killed him the second he took interest in Josephine. He's no good for her," Leliana spat.

"The answer isn't always killing, you know," Lara replied, exhausted.

"For Josephine, I'd make an exception. Leave him to me. He can't have gone far," Leliana answered, folding up the letter.

"I'd like him alive when I talk to him," Lara urged.

"Fine," Was Leliana's answer.

Lara didn't have the energy to even console her. Retreating, she spent the rest of the day in her quarters going through the many reports that awaited her and made any decisions she needed to make before passing them on to Josephine. She requested food in her room which the elf happily obeyed. She offered for them to eat together but the elf refused. Despite it being the elf's job to serve, it still left a horrible taste in her mouth. Her balcony was her comfort for the day with mountains and a view that easily calmed her nerves and her unwanted thoughts.

—-

She wandered the battlements on her own, still maintaining distance from everyone. Dorian knew not to seek her out when she was like this. He knew she would come to him when she was ready. Cullen, on the other hand, was on edge with her avoiding him. Dorian still scolded her about that. She couldn't face anyone without telling them what was really going on and she didn't have all the answers just yet.

"Inquisitor," A scout greeted her.

"Morning," Lara nodded.

"The spymaster has confirmed it. Blackwall is gone," The scout continued.

"I know she knows everything. So, where is he?" Lara asked.

"She has a hunch. We searched the Warden's quarters and found this. He managed to steal it from last week's reports," The scout handed her the report.

"What would this have to do with him?" Lara studied the report, confused.

"That is precisely what she is trying to find out. The connection between Blackwall and this man. Leliana has already given orders for you to go to Val Royeaux at once," The scout answered.

Before Lara could respond, the scout disappeared. Thom Rainier was still at large, the report said. This was Orlesian politics which still didn't make sense why Blackwall cared about this. Was this man, Mornay, someone he knew personally? Did he know Mornay was innocent? That still didn't explain Blackwall's connection in all of this and why he fled. Either way, it looked like Lara was going to be attending an execution. And she knew just the people to bring.

—-

"You know me, Lucky. I'm always up for an adventure so long as Bianca comes with us," Varric smiled at her.

"Great, because we're saving Blackwall and returning him to Skyhold. At least that's the plan," Lara explained, leaving out details.

"Plans always go to shit. You should know that by now," Varric chuckled.

"Don't remind me. Can you go get Cole? I'll need him along," Lara turned to leave.

"Where are you going?" Varric asked.

"Visiting Tevinter. Meet by the gates?" Lara replied.

Varric laughed. "We'll be there."

—-

Lara found Dorian…by Solas. She stood there planted watching the two men actually converse without sparring. She blinked a few times just in case she was imagining things.

"Has the world been swallowed whole already? I must've missed it," Lara interrupted.

Dorian laughed. "I'm not sure why you're so surprised. He's always liked me, just can't admit it."

Solas sighed. "Must you ruin it? We were having a decent conversation."

"Yes. And?"

"Now you're being smug," Solas deadpanned.

"Just admit it. The world won't end you know," Dorian winked at Solas.

"Please tell me you came to remove him," Solas now looked at Lara.

"I did, actually," Lara smirked.

"Oh, where are we going?" Dorian asked, intrigued.

"Val Royeaux."

"How disappointing," Dorian sighed.

"We need to save Blackwall," Lara explained.

"By the Maker…what is he doing there?" Dorian raised an eyebrow.

"That's what we're going to find out," Lara continued.

"Coming along?" Dorian turned to Solas.

"No. I'd rather enjoy a rare moment's peace while you're gone," Solas answered.

"Throw something down from the Fade if you need us. Preferably not at me," Dorian called as he walked past Lara.

"Most definitely at you," Solas muttered under his breath.

Lara laughed which earned her a small smile from Solas. With a nod, she turned to leave after Dorian to make their way to the gates of whatever mess lay ahead of them.

—-

Commotion was rampant in the streets of Val Royeaux. Nothing would settle the chaos until justice was served. Served by the hanging of a man responsible for their sorrow. Lara and her party weaved their way through the crowds and the shouts surrounding them. Urgency pushed her through as they needed to find where the man was being executed and find Blackwall himself. Wherever he was. A heavy Orlesian accent caught her attention.

"Cyril Mornay. For your crimes against the Empire of Orlais…" The voice started, echoing over the chatter.

Lara grabbed onto Dorian who got hold of Cole. Varric kept Bianca at the ready in case anyone attacked. She pushed through as fast as she could to catch sight of the man who was meeting his fate. No sign of Blackwall. Just a man on his knees, years of exhaustion apparent on his face. The weight of an imprisonment that wasn't his to bears evident in his appearance.

"Who's this man to Blackwall? A brother? A friend?" Dorian asked.

"That's what I'm trying to find out," Lara answered, not taking her eyes off Mornay.

"...You are sentenced to be hanged from the neck until dead. Do you have anything to say in your defense?" The Orlesian guard now faced the prisoner.

Silence. The preparation of the noose was the only answer.

"Well, this is grim," Varric commented.

Lara looked around for any sign of Blackwall. None. Suddenly she felt like she was intruding on this man's fate. She had no business being here. Once justice was served, people would know of her attendance and she would have no real reason as to why she watched a man be hanged for a crime that wasn't his. Her nerves were shooting off inside her and panic rose in her body. The urge to flee was overwhelming her.

"They're going to kill him!" Cole exclaimed.

"Good grasp of the obvious, this one," Dorian scoffed.

"Not now, kid," Varric patted his back.

A familiar sight caught Lara's eyes and none other than Blackwall himself was walking up the steps. Her heart pounded heavily in her ears, drowning out the chaos around them.

"Stop!" Blackwall called out.

"A Grey Warden?" The Orlesian guard nearly spat.

"This man is innocent of the crimes laid before him. Orders were given, and he followed them like a true soldier. He should not die for that mistake!" Blackwall continued.

"Then find me the man who gave the orders!" The guard yelled.

Blackwall paused, only staring at the man before him awaiting his outcome.

"Oh, shit," Varric exclaimed.

"No…" Lara whispered, the pieces finally clicking. A shiver went up her spine causing her to shudder.

Blackwall turned suddenly, eyes widening as he caught sight of them. Then he stepped to the edge, confessing to the world what secrets he carried.

"I am not Blackwall. I never was Blackwall. Warden Blackwall is dead, and has been for years. I assumed his name to hide, like a coward, from who I really am."

"You, after all this time…" The prisoner now spoke.

"It's over. I'm done hiding. I gave the order. The crime is mine. I am Thom Rainier," Blackwall spoke again.

Whispers and gasps could be heard amongst the crowds. Lara's voice escaped her, shock taking hold of her. He was Thom Rainier. The Thom Rainier. She wanted to shout after him, scream at him, blast him with her staff for betraying her, unleash her magic, but she couldn't. The noose was tied around her neck instead.

—-

The dungeons echoed an emptiness that resonated inside her. She was empty of emotions, of thoughts. That urge of turning inward and hiding from everyone was relentless. She could already feel herself pushing everyone away, Cullen included. She forced her feet to move and counted the steps until she reached Blackwall's cell.

"I didn't take Blackwall's life. I traded his death. He wanted me for the Wardens, but there was an ambush. Darkspawn. He was killed. I took his name to stop the world from losing a good man. But a good man, the man he was, wouldn't have let another die in his place," Blackwall spoke, head lowered, kneeling on the floor.

"I thought of you as a friend. I trusted you. You lied to me and then you fucking left," Her voice was hoarse but she managed to speak.

"You thought I was Blackwall. I didn't want to tell you otherwise. As Blackwall, I was something. I had a purpose. I could make amends," he replied.

"And dying makes up for it?" Lara snapped.

"It's a start, isn't it?"

"No. You don't deserve it," Lara hissed angrily, her Anchor flaring.

The sudden crackling bounced loudly off the prison walls. Lara could hear shuffling and commotion upstairs at her use of magic but she didn't care. She was too hurt to care.

"Why are you here then?" Blackwall finally looked up at her.

"Because you're going to explain yourself. Not just for my sake, but for Josephine's as well," Lara replied.

Blackwall winced at her response. At Josephine's name.

"You know?" He asked.

"Of course I know!"

Suddenly Blackwall was on his feet in an instant, rattling the bars that held him in. His voice roared through the walls, also catching the attention of whoever was upstairs.

"Don't you understand? I gave the orders to kill Lord Callier, his entourage, and I lied to my men about what they were doing! When it came to light, I ran. Those men, my men, paid for my treason while I was pretending to be a better man!"

Lara grabbed her staff, magic at the ready, whispers of it joining in with his roars. More shuffling and voices from upstairs could be heard but Lara sincerely hoped they would just stay the fuck away and let the two of them battle this out.

—-

"Cole, please tell me you can get a read on what's going on down there?" Varric asked hopefully.

"It sounds like she's going to use magic on him," Dorian smirked.

"Maker's Breath…has she lost her mind?!" Cullen exclaimed, pacing around the makeshift desk.

"Relax, Curly. Wait, has Chuckles actually taught her how to contain that? You know, the whole emotional outburst mixed with magic thing?" Varric arched an eyebrow.

"Oh, this is going to be interesting," Dorian exclaimed.

"That does not ease my mind!" Cullen groaned.

"She's hurt…her hurt is strong. It's so loud," Cole spoke.

"Any particular reason?" Varric asked.

"She feels…alone. It hurts her. Walls…shelter. Protection," Cole lowered her head.

"Ah, her fear of abandonment I presume," Dorian clarified.

Cullen stopped pacing. His expression turned near murderous.

"You alright there, Curly?" Varric arched an eyebrow.

"I'm trying to prove to her that it's not true. That everyone won't leave her. That I won't leave her…and he does this to her," Cullen shook his head.

"You already know my answer; give her time. Let her process it. She needs to," Dorian reassured.

Cullen didn't look convinced, even if Varric nodded in agreement. Lara's need to push everyone away, her need to isolate herself was sometimes still too strong.

—-

"This is what I am! A murderer, a traitor…a monster," Blackwall sunk back to his knees again.

"Yet somewhere along the line, you stopped pretending and turned yourself in," Lara stated, putting her staff away.

"You inspired me. The Inquisition wasn't only a chance to make something of myself. It was a second chance. You gave everyone a second chance. I had to do the same," Blackwall answered.

A second chance. It was her own motto she made for her Inquisition. Another chance to fix all the wrongs and change the progression of the world. It was all under her power to alter the future and show everyone that a second chance was possible. Her relationship with Cullen was proof of that enough.

"Who is Thom Rainier? Before all this happened," Lara asked, sitting on the floor across from him.

"I was a captain in the Orlesian army. Well-regarded, respected, but it wasn't enough. One mistake. One mistake and everything I worked for fell apart," Blackwall shook his head.

"So after you ran away, you met Blackwall and were recruited to join the Wardens, but you were ambushed by darkspawn. Then you took that opportunity to create a new identity," Lara connected the pieces together.

"That's a nicer way of summoning it up, but yes," Blackwall almost smiled.

"So you're not actually a Warden at all? You're Orlesian?" Lara almost sounded disgusted.

Now Blackwall laughed. "Guess we have that in common."

Lara scoffed, rolling her eyes. Being Orlesian and part of a noble family wasn't something she was proud of. In a way, she understood why he wanted to strip himself of his identity and be someone else entirely. At times, she wished she could as well.

"If I'm to get you out of this mess, I need to know the details of your crime," Lara sighed.

"Very well. I betrayed the empire and assassinated a general. All for gold. The man was General Vincent Callier. My employer was a chevalier, Robert Chapius. Ser Robert believed that Grand Duke Gaspard was the rightful ruler of Orlais and would eventually take the throne. He thought that by eliminating one of Celene's loyal supporters, he might endear himself to the true emperor. I can't say if Robert's plan would have worked. I didn't care. There was good coin offered, and I took it. By the time Ser Robert's involvement was uncovered, I was long gone. Of course, the Grand Duke disavowed any knowledge of the act, andpublicly condemned it. Robert killed himself. Poison in his wine. Another victim of the Great Game," Blackwall finished with disgust.

"Orlesians and their politics," Lara sighed.

She knew this story. It wasn't new to her. Little did she know she would one day be face to face with the man responsible for the crime. And trying to set him free.

"What did you tell your men?" Lara asked.

"They didn't know who they were attacking. I told them it was an important mission. They trusted me without question. Just like your men trust you," Blackwall replied.

"I'm not forcing my men to commit crimes," Lara narrowed her eyes.

"I cannot argue with that," Blackwall laughed.

"Am I supposed to call you Rainier now?" Lara grimaced.

"I don't know," Blackwall sighed.

They continued on chatting. At least, he was being honest with her and she would take whatever information he would give her. She lost track of time as their conversation flowed with brutal truths and confessions. Her heart broke for Josephine as she knew this would destroy her. It hit too close to home. If she couldn't have him as Blackwall, she definitely couldn't now as Rainier. Her body felt heavy with the responsibility that came with deciding Blackwall's fate. Another decision, another alter to the future that she wasn't prepared for.

—-

Lara's body was shutting down with the weight of the events of the past few hours as she dragged her legs up the stairs. Everything became a thick haze, and she wasn't sure if she was watching these events happening to her or if she was truly in it. Her nightmares, her fears, Cullen's nightmares, her fate, the future, Blackwall's betrayal; it was all catching up with her and with a massive force. Sleep. She needed a dreamless sleep where no one would wake her. One foot, then another, and another until she reached the top.

"Are you alright?" A familiar voice called out behind her.

That voice shattered something inside her. He was here. It was enough to break her composure and have her fall apart, but she held onto that last thread. Her expression blank, she still welcomed the sight of blond unruly hair and the all too familiar armor he wore that she wished would protect her as well.

"I don't know," She whispered.

"Lara," He sighed as he closed the distance, embracing her in his arms.

Her body sank into the grasp, her knees buckling. His arms wrapped around her tightly, holding her, protecting her. Like he always did. A sob left her lips as she sighed, the weight of today's events slowly choking her.

"I meant what I said about not having to carry this burden alone. Let me carry some of it for you," His voice caressed her heart.

"I don't know how to. I've never had anyone…" She let out a deep sigh. "You have your own demons. Your nightmares," She replied.

"None of which I can fight without you by my side," Cullen answered confidently.

Lara squeezed her eyes shut at his confession. She wanted to scold herself for avoiding him, for creating an unnecessary distance that only pained her in the process. How long would it take for her to accept that she wasn't alone no matter how often she felt it.

"I have Leliana's report on Thom Rainier," Cullen broke the silence.

"Summarize it," Her voice was barely a whisper. She couldn't bear to read it. Not while her mind was so dissociated.

"Our friend was once a respected captain in the Imperial Orlesian army. Before the Civil War, he was turned, persuaded to assassinate one of Celene's biggest supporters. He led a group of fiercely loyal men on this mission, and told them nothing of it. His men took the fall for him. A few lucky ones, like Mornay, managed to escape," Cullen summarized.

Lara let out a heavy sigh. "At least he was telling the truth. That matches with what he told me."

"This isn't your fault, you know? We all made this mistake," Cullen reassured her.

"That doesn't make it any better," Lara snapped.

"Were you seriously going to use magic on him?" Cullen asked.

"Would you have silenced me if I did?" The words were out before she could stop it.

Cullen pulled away from her, holding her out in front of him, assessing her. Her words left a clear pain etched across his face. The question held heavy in her mind for weeks yet she couldn't have picked a worse time to bring this up. Exhaustion was chipping away at her sanity and the events of today did nothing to help that.

"Do not ask me that," Cullen's voice turned cold.

"I need to know. Would you ever silence me?" Lara pressed on.

Cullen winced in pain at the thought. He shook his head, walking over to the desk, placing his hands on the wood as if to steady himself. Steady his thoughts, his emotions as she undoubtedly was causing memories to resurface.

"I'm uncertain if I still possess the ability. I am noticeably weaker without lyrium. It isn't something I want to test out. If I ever…Maker, I would never forgive myself…" Cullen swallowed hard, his voice shaky.

"Have you ever had the urge to?" Lara asked.

Cullen stared at her, his eyes wide at her question. She was dancing on the outskirts of a very dangerous territory, stepping too close over that line.

"Please don't lie to me. Or protect me. I need to know," She continued.

Cullen shook his head, shutting his eyes.

"No," Cullen replied in a harsh voice.

Lara let out a sigh, not realizing she was holding her breath.

"Your magic might have set me on edge, but I never had the urge to silence you. If we were back in the Circle…the way I saw mages. I might have. I'm not sure I would have even cared about you back then. The thought of that sickens me," Cullen spat out.

Lara willed her legs to walk over to him. To fix whatever thread she had snapped. This answer, she needed this answer. The itch that he might one day silence her magic suffocated her. She feared it would come without warning, deeming her useless against Corphyeus. Against saving the world. It was the one attribute she felt that redeemed her. That gave her purpose. Even in exchange for her life. Gently, she placed her hand over his on the desk.

"I may not have cared about you either but we are not back there. We're here. I may not have liked the man you once were, but I like who you are now," Lara reassured him.

"Even after…?"

"Yes, even after. You have done nothing to change that. I love you," Lara answered immediately.

Cullen's composure visibly relaxed, her words a soothing balm. He let out a sigh, pushing himself off the desk and wrapping his arms around her again.

"How long have you been wanting to ask that?" He asked.

"For so long…a part of me always braced myself in case it would happen one day. I'm sorry, I had to know. Thank you for telling me," Lara leaned her head against his chest.

"What do we do now?" He murmured, placing a kiss on her head.

"If it were up to you, what would happen?" Lara asked.

The weight of making decisions became a burden. She was in charge of too many outcomes, too many fates. History was in the palm of her hands and she was the crafter. It was a privilege but it came at a heavy cost. The title of Inquisitor was a heavy cross to carry and for once, she just wanted to put it down. For once, she needed someone to tell her what to do.

"What he did to the men under his command was unacceptable. He betrayed their trust, he betrayed ours. I despise him for it," Cullen spat. His words were pure venom.

Lara braced herself, waiting for the rest of his answer.

"And yet he fought as a Warden. Joined the Inquisition. Gave his blood for our cause. And the moment he shakes off his past, he turns around and owns up to it. Why?" Cullen asked.

"A second chance," Lara answered, her voice shaky.

Cullen sighed. "Saving Mornay the way he did took courage. I'll give him that. But I can't tell you what to do. We have resources. If you want to pass judgment on him yourself in Skyhold, we can make that happen. Just say the word," Cullen stroked her back with his fingers.

"I won't leave him to the Orlesians. They'll eat him alive. I will speak to Josephine, but bring him back to Skyhold please," Lara answered.

"As you wish, my love," His voice yet another gentle caress.

His fingers cupped her chin, forcing her to gaze into his eyes, getting lost into those honey hues she took comfort in. It was as if they melted some of the burden, leaving her weightless. It was a welcome release. A small smile played on his lips as he leaned in, his lips gently taking hers as he kissed her. She surrendered to him, to the man who claimed her, to the ex-Templar who stole her heart. To the Commander who would fulfill any request she gave him without hesitation.