~FIREFLY KNIGHTS~
Bleach Copyright Tite Kubo
Firefly Knights Copyright Illand Girl
'For those that need a Guardian.'
Chapter 36:Uncomfortable Truths
I shivered, leaning heavily on the sink basin, splashing cold water onto my face and neck.
My reflection looked terrible, skin paler than normal, a wild look to my eyes. That bastard dropped a bomb like that and laughed when I realized the implications. Gin didn't stop me when I went back to my room, blindly finding my way back from the lounge. That lounge, where Aizen was last, where my-
I wanted to throw up.
Kisuke... Did he know? He had to. He knew what I was. Who I was. My father... was in league with Aizen? Sōsuke Aizen, the man who had caused all of this. The man who was hurting my friends, kidnapped me, almost killed Rukia. And for what? A pretty view?
Droplets dribbled off my nose. It was difficult to tell if they were tears or water. My hands were shaking. I felt nauseous.
My father, Hiroshi, was a bad person. He was a man who was close with Aizen. He would've known what was happening, right? He wouldn't have been blind to it. If my father knew, if he actively took part in his plans-
"Hiyori." Shinji warned, but she wasn't listening as she shook him off.
"Piss off!" She snapped, pointing her zanpakutō at me. "Piss off with those eyes! I fucking hate them!"
What if Hiyori didn't mean my eyes, but my father's? I didn't know what he looked like, not really, but I always wondered if my eyes were more like his. My colouring was from my mother, but my eyes had always been different. Sharper, more angled than my mother's. Speaking of- did my mother know? Had she been in on it, and that was why she never said anything? It would explain the depression. I'd hate myself too.
Then, did that mean Kisuke purposefully handed me over? Did he send me away because he thought I would be like my father? I would turn on them? What happened to my father? Where was he? Was he dead? Gin made it sound like he was.
There was one person who might answer my questions, but as it stood, I didn't want to go near him with a ten-foot pole. I didn't want to go near any of them at all. When Ulquiorra came to get me for dinner, I was sitting at the base of the sink, staring at the floor. Time passed far too quickly. The only measurement I accepted was the drip drip drip of water droplets off my bangs that fell into my lap. I wasn't ready to face Aizen, I wasn't ready to hear the truth from the man himself. I hadn't fortified my mind against the idea that this was all a ruse designed to mess with my head. It didn't feel like Aizen's style, but it was definitely Gin's.
When the arrancar looked me over, he looked the same despite my disheveled appearance, eyes as impassive as always.
"You look terrible." He said bluntly. It was said so casually, so left field from my thoughts, that I couldn't help with the absurdity of it.
I started laughing.
Not some deep, belly aching, ab burning laugh. This laugh was hollow, mirthless, echoing around us as Ulquiorra stood in the door way to the bathroom. It felt like I was a puppet on a string, being pulled around and forced to dance for an audience I couldn't see. It was too absurd now. I laughed for a minute, then quieted. A moment of silence, then-
"Have you finally gone mad?" he asked in the same neutral tone. I shrugged, uncertain myself. Had I gone mad?
"Five months ago, I didn't believe in an afterlife, or spirits, or anything really. Then I find out there's hollows, soul reapers, and different dimensions..." I leaned back against the sink, staring him in the eye. He had pretty eyes, I had to admit. So vividly green. "I'm not entirely convinced it's all real, honestly."
Ulquiorra eyed me as if he was convinced, I had lost it. It looked like he was debating what to tell Aizen.
"Does it matter?" He asked, surprising me. He didn't elaborate, making me frown.
"Of course it matters." I said, feeling oddly put on the spot. Ulquiorra remained unmoving, hands in his pockets, like my mental breakdown was not anything new to him. He'd likely seen madness before.
"If you experienced it, does that not make it real?" Ulquiorra asked. I huffed, slowly rising to a stand.
"Sturdy words for a guy whose boss enjoys creating illusions to confuse his opponents." I used the sink to brace myself to get on my feet. Ulquiorra tilted his head lower, his brow becoming more pronounced.
"An illusion is no less real than anything around you," his eyes travelled over the tear streaks on my cheeks. "Perhaps your human eyes are not able to see as far, or as sharply, but nothing escapes my gaze. You humans always speak of things you cannot see, claiming them to be real."
His raised his chin, looking level at me. "But my eyes know the truth. If I cannot see it, I do not believe it exists."
"You can't see your brain, is it non-existent then?" I argued, frowning. What was with this guy? Ulquiorra took a step towards me, raising his hand to point at my forehead.
"Don't play smart with me. I can crack open your skull and find your brain, as I have done to many before you. I have seen it for myself and can therefore ascertain mine to be real." His hand lowered, back into his pocket. "But you humans are different. You have this strange sense of autonomy and purpose that acts as a vehicle for your self-importance."
My eyes narrowed.
"You believe in that which is non-existent. You believe in purpose, and reason, and that by believing in something, it is real. That is not how reality works." Ulquiorra sounded like he was scolding a child, looking down at me despite only being a few inches taller. He made something deep in my chest burn.
"Does life really have so little meaning to you?" I asked, watching as indifference settled onto his face once more.
"It has no meaning to me." He said casually, as though talking about the weather. My eyes widened. No meaning? "It never has."
We remained quiet for a moment longer, before I regained myself. I took a step towards him, eyes steeled.
"Life has meaning," I said richly. Ulquiorra remained impassive. "It has purpose. It has hope."
"Does it?" he sounded mocking. "You sound like you're trying to believe it yourself. Hope that this suffering has meaning at the end of it. But it doesn't, and it never will."
It hit a nerve.
I lunged forward, grabbing his jacket collar. The smell of black tea and black licorice filled my senses. Ulquiorra didn't move. I gripped his collar tighter for a second, then realized I didn't have anything to say. I didn't have anything I could say that wouldn't prove his point further. Slowly, I released my grip on him. Ulquiorra stared a moment longer, then turned away from me.
"Come." Was all he said before leading me to the lounge. I wiped my cheeks aggressively, throwing my hair into a messy bun, pretending I didn't look horrible. Between my pride and distaste for his perspectives, our walk was quiet even as we entered the room with the three ex-captains all waiting for us. My breath hitched when I saw Aizen sitting down across from where I normally sat. Ulquiorra excused himself at the door, bowing before exiting.
Dinner was hellish.
It was always bad when Tōsen was present, but with Gin making jabs at me, trying to make me talk, I almost lost it on him. My eyes kept glancing to Aizen, until I realized how insane I must've looked peaking at him. From them on I just tuned everything out until it was time to go back to my room. The dense silence that followed felt like I had lead weighing down on my shoulders. I lost my appetite, opting to sit in silence until it was appropriate to leave.
However, as I began to depart, my luck of evading my problems ran out.
"Just a minute, Naomi." Aizen called. I paused by the door, getting Deja vu. My eyes drifted to him, where he stood by the large opening to the sands of Huecho Mundo. He looked over his shoulder at me. "I would like to speak with you on a matter."
I swallowed, pointedly ignoring Gin's chuckles from the table. Stabbing him with a chopstick would be frowned upon- I think. Aizen looked at Gin and Tōsen next.
"I would like to speak with Naomi alone." He said politely, but there was an undercurrent of authority in his words. I blanched, fully prepared for Aizen to say something about my father. Gin smirked at me while leaving, Tōsen ignored me entirely. In moments I was left alone with the boss, feeling my heartbeat quicken from nerves.
"Come." Was all he said. I begrudgingly listened, coming to a stop at his side. My indigo eyes surveyed the landscape, wondering what it was about this world that made it eternally night. Minutes ticked by in the silence, just us staring.
"Strange, isn't it? The eternal night." Aizen said out of the blue. I nearly startled at his words.
"Why is it always night here?" I asked, curiosity getting the best of me. Aizen hummed once.
"The world of the living has more rules and limitations to be materialistic. There is a limit to how large of a population that can exist because of this. Despite the vastness of the universe, only one planet is currently inhabitable. Huecho Mundo has no such limitations. It is a vast, never changing desert. The moon in the sky is an illusion created by the sands. Space, as humans call it, does not exist here in the same conditions." Aizen answered, surprising me. I hadn't expected an honest answer from him, but this seemed to be the closest to one that I would ever get. It was an interesting answer though, bringing more questions to me. However, I could tell Aizen didn't plan to talk about the desert any longer.
"I wanted to ask you about your abilities." Aizen said after another minute of silence. I looked up at him, raising a brow. He turned his head to me, a smugness under his cold gaze. "Unless there was something else you wanted to discuss?"
He knew, there was no way he didn't know. I swallowed, my lip twitching, before I turned back to the desert.
"What did you want to know?" I asked, evading the other topic for now. My little heart wasn't ready for that conversation. I didn't want to know yet. Aizen, as if sensing my thoughts, turned back to the scenery as well.
"It's called Shuhariki , is it not?" He hummed as if responding to his own question. "Very curious name for such an attack."
"I thought so too," I looked down at my hands then, remembering the feeling of that vibrating attack. My rebound strike at full force. "Protect. Break. Detach. Ascend."
"A yojijukugo. How interesting." Aizen mused. I looked up at him then, noticing a flicker of humour in his eyes.
"Much like Kyoka Suigetsu." I mused. "Mirror flower, water moon. Meant to represent that which can never be attained, hm?"
Aizen surprised me, giving a short chuckle. His eyes didn't change, though I could still see that glimmer of humour.
"And what does Shuhariki represent other than evolution?" Aizen looked ahead. His comment made me bristle. What did that mean?
"It means to learn from mistakes, to progress." I pointed out. Aizen looked back at me, eyes roaming my face.
"Does it now?" He mused.
"I suppose you could consider it evolution in a sense. Everyone must evolve from something to become something new." I thought, genuinely considering the name of my attack.
"Protect. Break. Detach. Ascend. All motifs of those seeking a higher power," his eyes traveled around my face. "The zanpakutō is a reflection of our souls. I wonder what this means for you?"
I frowned, not liking the implications. Why did he read into my zanpakutō so heavily?
"Are you trying to imply I want to become like you? Trying to ascend to greater heights?" I asked, frowning.
"It seems the thought was already in your mind."
"After you put it there."
"Come now, Naomi. Lying to yourself only narrows the mind." He sounded almost disappointed as I frowned. "From what I can tell, you've been lying to yourself for a long while now."
I looked sharply away, not wanting to make eye contact. It didn't matter though, as Aizen continued.
"You don't want to admit to it, but you're not as innocent as you want to be." His words were smooth, making a shiver run down my spine. "It's why your first thought when you woke up here, was not about your friends, but rather about yourself."
I bristled.
"Your first thought was about how embarrassing it was that you were captured. Because you didn't think it was possible for you to lose with all your comrades so close, with Ichigo so close." His chuckle cut deep into me. "But you were wrong. Your friends failed you. And you suffered the consequences for it."
I felt cold ice settle in my chest. Aizen was right. I lost. I failed because I didn't plan accordingly. I didn't consider failure. I had relied on the others too heavily.
I was wrong.
Begrudgingly, angrily, frustratingly wrong. And I hated every god damn step of the way since. But, something about his words stumped me. For a man so hell bent on being a superior being, he really took the short cuts to it. It was as though failure was never an option. Which was, to me, an insane perspective. Nothing progressed without initial failures. No one got everything right the first time around.
"You're right, I failed." I admitted, feeling a bit easier on myself then. "I did rely on Ichigo, but not for the reasons you think."
When I looked up to him, there was thinly veiled surprise on his face. Confusion and curiosity mixed in with it then.
"Ichigo and I complement each other in battle situations. I am the defense while he is the offense. It's why I don't try to go out of my way to fight. It's not in my nature nor my skillset. But I will fight if I have to. I thought that, but limiting the number of battles, I could limit the number of casualties. I was wrong." I waited patiently for Aizen to comment. For him to rip me apart or make a passing comment that stung, but he did neither. He looked more perplexed than anything else. "What is it?"
"You are accepting of your failure?" He asked, though seemed perturbed by the question itself. It was like I handed him a rubix cube with blank sides and asked him to solve it.
"Yes." I said, watching his brain tick away. "You were right, I was wrong."
"I didn't expect you to be so open to failure." He admitted, frowning. "I presumed you would be frustrated with it."
"Of course I am," I said stiffly. My voice seemed to shed light on Aizen's perception of me. "But making mistakes is vital in learning. If you're always perfect then progress will always be unimpressive. It's expected, not achieved."
Aizen smirked, understanding crossing his features.
"I seemed to have forgotten. You're a human." He raised his chin, turning to look out the opening again. "Time is short for you, it holds more meaning because of this. You do not have the luxury of stagnation. I can respect that."
It was the perfect chance to ask about my father. The chance to get the truth. But in that moment, I chickened out. Fearful of the answer. I couldn't accept an uncomfortable truth if I didn't know it yet, right? The more I thought about it, the more I wondered what my father saw in this man. Why were they so close? What did Gin mean by ' brothers '? Was Aizen my uncle? Or was it some different explanation?
"I can't understand you." I said, Aizen side-glanced down at me. I thought of the emotions running through his blade, the loneliness. Was it because of my father? "I can't understand why someone, a captain powerful enough to become the head captain, a man who has a deep intellect and knowledge of the different dimensions, a man who feels so... so lonely... Why? Why are you doing all of this?"
He didn't look at me this time. His expression lost the cold facade it usually had, instead looking contemplative as he gazed across the sands. His eyes grew distant, if only for a second, but it was the second time I'd seen this happen. Was he thinking of Hiroshi when his eyes went like that?
"I don't think you're ready for that conversation." Aizen said after a minute. It surprised me, but before I could rebuke, he continued. "I've sent Ulquiorra on an errand. I'm certain you can find your own way to your quarters."
I bristled at the dismissal, but the look in his eyes bothered me; it stopped me from arguing for once. He looked... troubled. While the look didn't stir any guilt or emotions from me, it did make me question why he looked like that. Was it a farce? A trick? I wouldn't put it past him.
What are you thinking, Sōsuke Aizen?
Instead, I nodded, remaining polite as I quietly excused myself. My walk to my room was quiet, passing nobody in the hallway. The vacancy felt strange. I still hadn't become used to my lack of smell.
In my room, I removed my cloak, tossing it on the bed. My head hurt, and I felt like a mess. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I tried to take a deep breath to quell the pain.
" Naaoooommiiiii ~!" A sing song voice snapped me to attention. I hadn't noticed Loly standing by my closet. When had she gotten there? Her grin was wide, cheshire. "We've been waiting for you~!"
A red glow emitted behind me. It was the other girl that had been there earlier today, standing in the entrance, blocking me in. She held a red cero in her hand as she shut my door. My eyes narrowed as I backed away, keeping both women in my vision.
"Menoly has problems you see. Her cero just random fires off sometimes. Would you help us with it?" Loly's sickly sweet voice put me on edge. I frowned, glaring at her.
"Get out."
Loly growled, lunging for me. I evaded her, round housing to kick the back of her leg, making her topple to the ground. Menoly came at me next, lunging with her cero. Before I could think about it, I reached out with my left hand, absorbing the strike. The look in Menoly's eyes changed, panic overtook her as I backed away from both women. Loly scrambled to her feet, glaring at me. I narrowed my eyes, keeping my breathing level.
"Get. Out." I said firmly. Loly screamed.
"You BITCH!" She came at me again, frantic in her strikes as she scratched at me. I blocked one hit, but the second caught the side of my face. Something trickled down the side of my cheek. Likely blood. I growled, reaching for Espejo, horrified when I couldn't feel her. That's right, I didn't have her. Where was she? Why wasn't she materializing?
Loly kicked my block, and while I held my guard up, she did make me slide backwards. My arms rattled from the intensity. There was no way I would be strong enough like this. I needed Espejo to- no, I needed to be calm, think rationally. Maybe I could trick them? However, Loly was stopped from lunging at me again by Menoly, who put a hand on the black-haired girl's shoulder.
"He'll be here soon, just wait." The blonde said, looking shifty-eyed as she glanced at the door. Loly screamed.
"I don't care! This bitch needs to know she can't whore her way to the top! Especially not with Lord Aizen!" She shouted. I frowned.
"You're not his call girl?" I asked, genuinely surprised. Loly looked stunned, then somehow more insulted. "I'm not Aizen's... I'm not sleeping with him."
Loly scrutinized me, a twisted smile settling onto her lips.
"Sure, I believe you, Naomi. But maybe you're lying? You're got that cute doe-eyed look going on. I'm sure Lord Aizen doesn't see it, but I do." She took a step closer, stalking up to me slowly. Another step. "But you're not as innocent as people seem to think, are you?"
Innocent? What part of me looked 'doe-eyed' ? She was the second person to tell me that. I never once thought I looked innocent quite frankly. I always thought my eyes were sharp, foxlike. Perhaps I was wrong.
"I think it's what draws men in, you know, that cute expression on your face. They like it, thinking they're the first. Men like thinking they're the first one to make you feel that way." Loly purred. I felt uncomfortable with her implications, shifting a bit. Loly laughed. "Look at you! You have to be at least a little bit innocent for that kind of look on your face! But it's okay. I know just how to fix that."
The door opened. Initially, I expected Gin, or Ulquiorra, but it was neither of them. I'd never seen this man before. He was tall, lanky, waltzing into the room and taking up the entire doorway. He had to be two feet taller than me at the very least. His one dark eye looked at me, the other hidden under an eye patch.
"About time you got here, Nnoitra!" Loly snapped. The man lazily looked at Loly, scowling.
"Fuck off," he snapped, returning his gaze to me. "Who's this? You look familiar."
"She's the human Ulquiorra defeated." Menoly said, eyes darting between Loly and Nnoitra. She was still as shifty as last time. Loly huffed impatiently.
"She's the one, are you gunna help me or not?" Loly asked. My brow furrowed, my gut telling me this wasn't a good situation to be in. Nnoitra looked at me, sizing me up. Then my gut sank as a baleful smile came to his lips. It was all teeth and thin lips. Automatically, I took a step back, his eyes scanning me up and down.
"I don't believe it," Nnoitra said, ignoring Loly. "You can't be the one who almost defeated Ulquiorra. There's no way."
"Get in line." I said automatically, eyes darting to the door. Menoly saw, moving to guard it. She looked uncomfortable with the man in the room. I looked at Nnoitra, sensing he was the imminent threat. "Who are you?"
He chuckled.
"Nnoitra Gilga. Espada number five." He let his long tongue hang out of his mouth, showing the tattoo it held. My eyes flickered from it, to his face again.
"Naomi Sakurai." I said politely, sensing a fight coming in. My hand reached for Espejo automatically, once again finding nothing but air. Nnoitra chuckled, taking several steps towards me.
"Oh I know all about you. Even Grimmjow won't shut up about the runt who also beat Ulquiorra. He's livid ." He stopped several feet away, bending down to talk face to face with me. "So am I."
"Sorry, not much I can do about that." I said, noticing how Menoly was backing towards the door way more. Loly was watching us, a sick grin on her face. This man had to be strong, clearly if he was an espada, but he had to be strong enough that they thought I couldn't fight back. I wasn't sure I could fight them in this condition, never mind Nnoitra. I needed to escape, use a getaway and run for it. Back to Aizen, he was the closest, and as much as I hated to admit it, he was the safest option.
Nnoitra's eyes scanned over me again. I felt uncomfortable under his gaze, remembering my cloak was discarded on the bed. That extra layer of fabric may not have provided any protection, but it did help keep eyes off of me. Now his eyes could roam freely, finding the places my clothing didn't cover, like my hips. His eyes remained there, making me squirm internally.
"There's plenty you could do for me." He chuckled, rising to his full height. I noticed Loly cackling quietly to herself, turning my gaze to frown at her. In a jolt of speed that surprised me, Nnoitra grabbed my jaw and forced me to look at him.
"Look at me when I'm talking, pet ." He said sharply. My eyes narrowed as I jerked my head from his grasp.
"Don't touch me." I snapped, feeling my hackles rise on the back of my neck. Nnoitra scowled, then swung at me so fast I barely dodged out of the way. He nearly caught my hair as I ducked underneath his strike, then raised my right hand and let Menoly's cero loose directly into his chest.
It did nothing.
I froze for the shortest of seconds, and he had my wrist. Nnoitra pressed it to his chest, and in that second, I could smell something strong. It reminded me of sulfur and smoke. He wasn't as strong as Ulquiorra, not nearly, but he was stronger than Grimmjow.
I was royally fucked .
Nnoitra laughed, leaning over me as I craned my neck up to see him. That smile caused a shiver to rush down my spine. Danger . I tried to pull away, but he held me in place.
"What that supposed to hurt? Don't tell me you thought a puny blast like that could do anything to me?" He yanked my arm upwards, jerking me towards him. I gasped, coming right up to him. My face would've met his navel. "Either you start taking me seriously, or I'll make you."
"H-Hey," Menoly said from the doorway. I couldn't see her around Nnoitra, but she sounded afraid. "We- Lord Aizen will be furious with us."
Nnoitra hesitated, looking over his shoulder at her.
"You wanna take her place?" He asked, sending a chill down my spine. I ripped away from him, taking several steps back.
Menoly looked at me, her eyes going wider, guilt swimming in them.
She looked at the ground.
"She deserves it, Menoly." Loly said, coming to stand beside her, a grin still on her lips. My eyes narrowed at them, sensing I was missing something. The black-haired woman chuckled at me, waving. "Enjoy yourself~! I know you will."
"What-" My gaze was broken as Nnoitra stepped between us, the look in his eyes reminding me of a carnivore hunting prey. With both girls at the door, I stood a better chance at running for it over trying to fight Nnoitra. He wasn't grinning anymore, his eyes roaming my body again. Was he looking for a weakness? Instead of reaching for me, he kicked, aiming for my chest. I dodged, sliding across the floor, attempting to get further away from him. But Nnoitra was fast, attempting to get behind me. If he did, I was dead, and did everything in my power to not let that happen. Nnoitra laughed, stalking me around the room as I dodged and sprinted away. I wasn't fast enough to put up a real fight, he was playing with me, I knew that. My sonido wasn't available, I was only moving at above average human speeds. He could easily catch me if he wanted.
I didn't like the look in his eye either. It stung to move this fast, but there wasn't really a choice. Nnoitra made casual attempts to attack me, but nothing damming enough to land a hit. I remained on the balls of my feet, waiting for him to attack. He stopped after a while, frowning.
"You know, you're kinda boring like this." He said, scratching the side of his head. Would he leave? Just like that. "Almost makes this feel unnecessary."
I looked at Loly and Menoly, still by the door.
"They wasted your time," I pointed out. Nnoitra looked at both of the woman, who tensed. "They made you come here, to play cat and mouse."
He backhanded me, taking me completely by surprise since he wasn't even looking in my direction. I saw stars, falling to the floor. My eyes searched for him as I scrambled to my feet. A hand wrapped around my throat. I gasped, not being able to breath as I clawed at his wrist. He scoffed.
"Trying to manipulate me? You little bitch. You're just as bad as the rest of them." He squeezed tighter. If I was a normal human, he would've broke my neck by now. I heard a pop, feeling dizzy. I was yanked forward, his face approaching me. He leaned down, running his tongue up the side of my face. Faintly, I saw blood on his tongue. Nnoitra laughed, his voice sounding like it was through water.
"I'm going to devour you, little girl ."
My heart raced, panic setting in. Alarm bells were blaring in my head as I finally felt a little bit of strength reach me. I clawed at his arm, not able to cut him but tearing his sleeve. He smirked, all teeth.
"My hierro is the strongest of all the espada, you won't get me with cheap tricks." He sneered. Like that time with Loly, I felt a white-hot rage deep within me. It bubbled to the surface as I kicked, double barreling him in the ribs. Nnoitra grunted, sounding surprised. His grip loosened and I dropped to the ground as he tumbled backwards in surprise. My immediate thought was to run, to barrel through Loly and Menoly, to get as far away as possible.
I crawled, attempting to scramble to my feet as Menoly looked straight at me. Nnoitra grabbed my ankle, pulling me directly back at him. I squeaked, feeling his hand claw down my back, leaving long gouges and tearing my clothing and bandages to shreds. I gasped as he put one hand on the back of my neck, pining me down. His free hand pushing the fabric aside.
I froze.
Nnoitra laughed.
"You finally get it, do you?" He leaned down next to my ear, with my face held in to the ground. His hot, wet breath fanned over me. "I meant what I said. I'm going to eat you raw, little girl. Until there's nothing left."
"H-Hey, that's not- You said-" Loly began, sounding alarmed. Nnoitra scoffed.
"Are you dense? This kid's been sealed by Aizen. In this form, she's nothing. But she's strong enough to take on Ulquiorra." He pressed harder, ramming my nose into the floor. "I can't stand it ."
"Aizen will kill us." Menoly sounded like she was shaking. Nnoitra moved his hand from my neck, trying to pull my pants down. I growled, scrambling to get away from him. He hit me again, making my vision go white.
"Nobody's coming." Nnoitra said, grabbing a bare ankle. I looked up, straight at Menoly, as my vision returned. She looked at me, horrified. Her gaze then went to Nnoitra.
"Yours." I whimpered, feeling Ichigo shudder against me.
She turned away from me.
"We should go." Menoly said. Loly began to shove her out the door. At the sound of their scuffling feet I felt my heartbeat hammering into my ears.
"Get off me...!" I cried, bucking and swiping at him as much as I could.
"Shut up." Nnoitra grunted, crushing me under his weight as he sat on my back.
"You're so beautiful." His words were muffled as he pulled me closer.
Rage pooled in my gut, then pain, so much pain. I growled, using all the effort I could to try and push him off me. The black markings of the chains glowed, lighting up all over my body. I cried out as they tightened, stopping me from moving. Tears welled up in my eyes. Not like this... Not like this!
Ichigo... Ichigo... Help me... Please!
"My my, this is quite the party ya threw, Naomi."
Everyone froze. In the wake of the voice, I could turn my head to see the doorway. Gin stood behind the two arrancar females, arms crossed as he casually leaned against the door. In that moment he might as well have been a knight in shining armour. Relief flooded my chest.
"Wh-What the fuck- What are you doing, Ichimaru?!" Loly snapped. Gin chuckled, grinning ear to ear.
"Me? Nothin', ain't my job." He said. My heart dropped, fear pooling in my chest as he moved out of the way of the door. "But it is his."
In a flash, Ulquiorra appeared in the room, directly in front of us. Nnoitra was ripped from on top of me, slamming into a nearby wall.
"Dammit Ulquiorra!" He shouted, standing up. I scrambled away, grabbing at my cloak as I moved to hide behind the bed itself. Ulquiorra turned to Loly and Menoly, shooting one the blonde with a bala right between the eyes. She dropped to the floor, Loly screeching.
"YOU CAN'T WE DIDN'T- WE COULDN'T STOP-" He shot a cero at her as well, blasting her into the wall outside the room and through it. She flew past Gin, he didn't even glance at her. Nnoitra was all that was left. He glared at me, taking a step forward, but Ulquiorra appeared between us.
"The fuck you doing, Ulquiorra?" Nnoitra snapped. Ulquiorra stood between us, but he wasn't tall enough to completely block the taller man's view of me. I tensed, pressing my back into the wall when his eyes looked straight into mine.
"As long as this girl is under Lord Aizen's protection, she is off limits." Ulquiorra said in the same tone he spoke to me with earlier. Nnoitra's eyes drifted from Ulquiorra, to Gin. Realizing he was outnumbered, he retreated. Slithering past Gin as the silver haired man continued to grin.
A time later, Ulquiorra seemed satisfied that Nnoitra was gone. Why he never struck Nnoitra was beyond me, but his green eyes turned to meet mine. They were the same unyielding, cold eyes as before. He protected me out of duty, not with the purpose of keeping me safe.
"Get up." He said. I shook my head, shirking back against the wall when he approached. "if you do not, I will force you."
My eyes widened, hackles rising. Ulquiorra noticed as his eyes roamed over me.
"My clothes are ruined." I said, finding my voice shaking as much as I was. Ulquiorra didn't look interested though as I said this, not seeing the problem.
"Mah, you're terrible with girls, Ulquiorra." Gin said as he stepped into the room. "I'll get her to the captain, why don't you be a good ol' boy scout and report in?"
Ulquiorra's eyes narrowed, but he did not move immediately. Gin raised a brow, his trademark grin widening.
"Hm? What'sa matter, Ulquiorra? Scared to leave her with lil' ol' me?" Gin taunted. Ulquiorra looked the man in the eye, then back at me. I almost asked him to stay, when I realized the folly of it. After another moment, he said nothing, simply walking out the door. When he was gone, Gin clicked his tongue.
"I told ya, that mouth o' yours was gunna get you in trouble." Gin said standing in front of me. I curled tighter in the sheet, covering my head as I tucked my knees up to my chest. "Aw c'mon, what's your lover boy gunna think, seeing ya so broken?"
"Don't-" I whispered. My body wouldn't stop shaking as I stared at Gin's feet. "Don't say that."
Gin said nothing as I remained on the floor. It was all too much. Everything was weighing so heavily, I couldn't do this. I couldn't- not like this...!
I fell apart in front of the enemy.
"Nobody's coming for me." I said, finally feeling the weight of it fall on my chest. "Aizen wanted to divide us, right? That was why he took me. Hoping Ichigo would blindly follow? But Yamamoto would never let it happen. He-"
I choked on a sob.
"Ichigo's not coming for me, is he?" I felt defeated, thinking of my best friend. Where was he? Where was he this whole time? But at the same time, I didn't want him to come. Not here, not to this place. We would lose so many, and for what? For me? No, no... Don't come for me.
I cannot be saved, Ichigo.
I ducked my head, staring at the bloodstains on the fabric that began to blossom. Some dripped from my face while others from my back.
"Am I... Am I going to die here?"
Tear drops fell next to the blood droplets. I felt the weight of the world sitting on my chest. I felt Nnoitra's hands all over me, his tongue licking my face. My skin crawled as I remembered my father. Was he in league with this? I felt bile jump into my mouth, but aggressively swallowed it down.
"Probably." Gin mused as if talking about the weather. His words felt like a bucket of ice water being dumped on my head. "Here I thought you were this unmovable object. I thought ya would give Aizen a run for his money 'n all. But ya ain't anything special. Justa kid."
He crouched down in front of me, his knees a foot from my face. I don't know what I expected, and felt ashamed that some tiny part of me hoped he would show a flicker of kindness.
"Don't use that boy as a reason to die." He said, not in his usual airy tone. This one felt like a father scolded a child. "If you're gunna to give up, don't make it his fault ya became so weak. S'not anybody's fault 'cept yours."
I took a sharp breath in, fresh tears falling down my cheeks.
"But... If ya die here. Ichigo will die tryin' ta find ya. So I guess this is the end, yeah?" He reached out to pat me on the head, and that tiny flicker of rage returned. I felt numb, but my hand collided with his as I slapped it away. My head raised as I met his gaze, teeth clenched and eyes burning from the tears. Gin hummed, unphased by my strike.
To my surprise, he grinned.
Gin let me take a minute to get up, even turned his back when I pulled new clothes on. My pants were still intact, but my top was completely destroyed. I searched for a new one in the closet, a big baggy cover that showed not even my throat. Nnoitra ripped up all my bandages, and for and moment all I wanted to do was bathe. But Gin insisted we had to go. Ulquiorra returned, his eyes the same impassive gaze they always were, but he informed us I would be given a new living quarters.
Gin didn't touch me casually, like he had been these past few days, and I appreciated it. He said nothing about what was said before; that conversation before felt like a man who had bet on the wrong horse in a race coming to terms with the loss. I followed both men to another room that was closer to the lounge. Far closer, around the corner. This door was tall, more lavish looking. Ulquiorra escorted me inside, but Gin said his goodbyes at the door, saying he had other tasks when he happened upon that scene.
Ulquiorra walked me inside. This room was very different to the others. It was large still, but had a bed, a large bathtub with a privacy screen, and a balcony on either side that overlooked the sands of Huecho Mundo. My gaze drifted to the tub.
"This will be your living quarters for the time being." Ulquiorra said. "I will be outside the door until Lord Aizen arrives."
I flinched at the name, thinking of Aizen sent something cold into my chest. A tiny piece of me wondered if this had been some sick and twisted plan of his. The arrancar took my silence in stride and began to leave.
"Ulquiorra." I began, giving him pause. My eyes locked with his briefly, from across the room. "I... I know you didn't save me for my own well-being but- thank you. I- thank you."
Ulquiorra watched me for another minute, eyes searching my face for something, but instead he went to the door. Once it was shut, I turned back to the tub. Moving the privacy screen to block the view from the door, I began to draw a bath. After I ripped the torn clothing from my body, along with damages bandages, I managed to find a scrub brush and worked roughly on my skin. My hand pressed so hard my skin turned an angry shade of red, but I forced the physical memory from my mind. Tears sprung forward again, but I kept working, allowing myself the chance to cry.
Ulquiorra had saved me, and I didn't know how I felt about that. On one hand, I felt relieved, but on the other, I was so angry. It felt set up, too elaborate, but would Aizen really do that? To someone who was his supposed brother's child?
When I was done in the bath, the water was cold. I didn't have the energy to do anything else, so I clothed myself and crawled into bed. But each time I began to settle, the feeling of Nnoitra's tongue against my face jolted me back to reality.
Weight settled in the bed behind me. I tensed up, preparing to bolt out of the room.
"It's alright," A familiar voice said. I froze, my heart dropping for a split second. I knew that voice well. "I'm here."
"Ichigo?" My chest hurt, hearing his voice. I rolled over, looking to see him sitting in bed beside me. He looked exactly as he had the last time I saw him. Dishevelled clothing, tired but fierce eyes, and those same broad shoulders. I grasped his hand in mine, feeling nothing but warm skin in my palm. Tears began to fall freely as I came to the realization that this wasn't Ichigo. There was no warm summer and chocolate, because Aizen wouldn't know his scent. "You bastard...!"
I dropped Ichigo's hand. His eyes became reserved.
"Too much?" He asked. I turned back over, feeling ashamed at the relief I felt. "It wasn't a jab at you. I did think he would be the person you'd feel safest with."
"So I would confess something? Tell him how lost I am?" I asked.
"So that you would sleep." Ichigo said. "Kanzen Saimin gleans from your own memories. So that you can see him as you remember the Ryoka boy."
Sleep. If I could I wouldn't sleep again while here. I hated this, hated myself, and hated Aizen so much. What could my father have possibly seen in this man? I didn't understand any of these mind games. I didn't understand the merit to any of it. Why me? Why any of this? What could he possibly glean from me?
"Was this the plan? Make me vulnerable? Get under my skin? Maybe make Ichigo do the same thing?" I felt my body go rigid, but a soft sigh from Ichigo easily settled me down. I hated that it did.
"The plan? You really think so little of me? That I would ever stoop to such levels?" He asked, sounding insulted. No, I hadn't really, but still, I couldn't put it past him. He read my silence differently. "I can say it right now, I would never do that to you, Naomi."
There was a moment where I contemplated it, but before I could answer, he continued.
"I wouldn't need to." He mused airily. "You should be aware by now that there is no purpose in lying to you anymore. I don't need to. I've already won."
"Maybe I want to believe you because it's a comforting lie?" I asked out loud, surprising myself.
"Or perhaps a comforting truth?" He challenged. I swallowed.
"One I can't trust."
"You have to trust something, Naomi." I pinched my eyes shut; this was painful. "Humans inherently want to trust one another. It's how the weak survive. They strive for something stronger than themselves. Someone to cling to."
I letting out a shuddering laugh.
"You're calling me weak, I'm hurt." I said tightly. My mind could almost pretend I wasn't here. That none of that stuff happened. That I was home, peacefully unaware of soul reapers or hollows. I didn't have to worry about any of that. Ichigo and I were dating, Mom was home, Dad was still here. Akito never existed. Life was good.
A comforting lie.
"Hm, it's in your nature. It's why you lost to Ulquiorra. Because you chose someone above yourself." Ichigo whispered, like a voice any louder was forbidden to use. I shivered.
"You're wrong. That wasn't the weakness. My weakness was not relying on my own strength to fight in the first place." I took a deep breath, it hurt to exhale.
"You're in pain, but this is not physical pain, is it? Is it his face? Does it hurt to see the man you put so much faith in?" His weight shifted to lean over me. "When will you finally admit it to yourself? No one is coming for you."
I felt cold rush through me, my breath hitched as he spoke the same words I had felt earlier.
"You cling to the belief that you are a superior being because of your power. Your zanpakutō shows the truth of what you see yourself as. But it's been sealed away so easily. Without it, you crumble. Your life becomes meaningless with how easy it is to unravel. A nothingness void that consumes you. You know the truth. You'll die here, alone, and your friends will believe you're simply waiting. They will never know what happened to you."
I felt the fight leave me, the weariness and fatigue settling in. Aizen was right, wasn't he? In some senses, I suppose he was. I would probably die here, alone, and I would never see my friends and family again. I felt cold and broken and exhausted, but I knew if it was the truth, I had no exit strategy, and that meant one good thing.
I no longer had anything to lose.
When I looked over my shoulder at Ichigo, the neutrality of my face piqued his interest as he raised a brow.
"Please don't use his face." I said bluntly. A statement, not a request. It didn't go unnoticed.
"Are you sure? I thought you were finally starting to relax." He taunted.
"But it's not real." I said, feeling cold. My indigo eyes took in Ichigo's brown, trying to remember what he looked like more firmly, wishing to keep my memory of him intact. The final memory. In a blink, he was gone, and Aizen took his place.
"I expected you to fight me." He mused from where he sat.
"There's no point," I said bluntly, looking away from him once more. "Because none of this is real, is it?"
"Hmph, very perceptive." He said, followed by blissful silence. When I rolled over a minute later, he was gone. The room looked the same, but there was a certain coldness to it now. I rolled back the other way, shivering as I laid in that massive bed alone. With a cold ache and shiver, I thought of back home again.
I imagined maggicking my way back to the Kurosaki's place, imagined me being an adult and coming over for visits. Ichigo would be with me. No soul reaper business, or talk of an afterlife. Just us, happy, together. Never apart too long. Maybe we were married, had a kid or two. Maybe I finally figured life out and started my career before we got married? Isshin was probably joking with my Mom, telling her how he was officially my father. Mom... we would make up finally. I would forgive her, because I didn't want to waste time being angry anymore. I wanted my mom, I wanted her to tell me all the tips and tricks for babies, to teach me how to do my taxes, be there to give me boy advice, to have warm meals with. I wanted Isshin, the only father I ever knew, to be there too. Teaching me things like how to fix a faucet, doing an oil change on my car, telling me how proud he was.
Right- celebration. All our friends would be there; nobody was left behind. Nobody was forgotten. Even our Soul Reaper friends were there, but forge the soul reaper part, and we were celebrating. Little captain would be so annoyed, but I would jabber to him and ask him to stand next to my first born to see how tall he was. He'd hate it, I would laugh. Rangiku would shower my kids in gifts, and me. I think Rukia would smugly hold it over our heads that she saw me and Ichigo working out. I'd have to ask her about the looks I saw her give Renji and maybe it would shut her up? The house would be crammed full of people, hip to hip. There would hardly be room to move. I would laugh about it. Ichigo would hate it. I wanted, more than anything, to experience that sort of warmth. Good food, great company, what more could someone ask for? What was the celebration? Who cares? What mattered was we were all there, together. Life would be good.
"You sound like you're trying to believe it yourself. Hope that this suffering has meaning at the end of it. But it doesn't, and it never will."
A comforting lie.
"You know I love you, right?" He asked between kisses.
I love you too, Ichigo.
"You're my number one priority," he said firmly, then smirked. "You're too accident prone to ignore anyway."
I know, I've always been your person, haven't I?
"Dunno about you, but if this doesn't work, I still will always see you as my best friend."
Always mine. Since day one, you were the one thing that was mine, weren't you, Ichigo?
I ducked my head into the soft fabric of the blanket, wiping my tears and inhaling a shaky breath. The one thing I didn't want to let go of, because it gave me hope. But hope was dangerous right now. I couldn't have it. I couldn't have hope of rescue dangling above my head. I would die here. It was going to happen. But how I died, and when, I would fight for, in any shape possible. Hope would bring doubt, fear. I couldn't have those, because then I had something to lose.
With a shaky breath in, I conjured the memory of that happy family one more time. Imagined Ichigo and I laying in the sun together, his hand brushing up and down my back lazily in the warmth the rays brought upon us.
And as I exhaled, my body slackened, and I finally let it all slip away. My breath came out in choked sobs, rejecting my release, but I forced it out, the imagine of that celebration dimming, but the image of Ichigo and I held on for a few moments longer, until it too slipped away.
Goodbye, everyone.
Thank you to everyone who still reads. I'm slowly getting back to writing. It will probably be slow, but, chapter 38 is almsot aorund the corner,a dn it's the chapter that inspired Naomi's whole character.
Cheers
Iland Girl