Chapter 24: Surfer Politics

Considering the surreal year in politics we are having, both in the USA and worldwide, I've decided to include a chapter that pokes fun at politicians. In the metropolis of Zootopia, it's also an election year, and we'll discover what Stone and his friends really think about the election.

**Warning, there is nothing serious about this chapter. **

No matter what the world says, just keep dreaming but remember your life is going to be the road you choose. That is why this chapter's song is Emma Stevens', "Keep Dreaming".

Why Vote?

The lean fennec fox complained to the meerkat, "Come on, Reggie, isn't there something else we can talk about?" Stone and Reggie were sitting at a picnic table in the city campground. Cooper was standing in front of a bucket of sudsy water near the fire pit, meticulously scrubbing on a cooking pot. The small wallaby was trying to get some of the black char off the bottom. "All I hear is politics. You are starting to sound like one of those dorky talking heads on the so-called news channels."

"It's an election year, Stoney," Reggie protested. "This is one of the most important elections of our lives!"

"Dude, every election seems to be the most important election of our lives. At least that is what they keep saying," the fox scoffed.

"Surely, you've decided by now just who you are going to vote for as mayor! Don't tell me that you are planning to vote for old Swinton, she is corrupt!"

"I don't care."

"You must have an opinion about who you are going to vote for!"

"Nope!"

"Then who are you going to vote for?"

"I'm not planning to vote."

"WHAT! You have a duty as a citizen to vote!" Reggie exclaimed and then he glared in disbelief at the fox. "Don't tell me you haven't registered to vote."

The wallaby was about to say something but the fox just shook his head and so he kept quiet.

"Of course I'm registered," Stone smugly answered.

"Then why are you not voting?"

"It wouldn't matter."

"What do you mean by that?" the frustrated meerkat stood up and yelled. "For years, we predators had to protest and march just for the right to vote. Our forefathers fought in the courts to overturn laws that were written to suppress our fundamental rights! We had to overcome attempts to stop us by imposing poll taxes, literacy tests, and even the use of violence to keep us from the ballot box. Didn't you learn anything in your civics class? Others died for your right to vote and you...you are just throwing that away because you are too lazy!"

The fox gave the wallaby a knowing smirk, while Cooper just rolled his eyes. "You know, for a minute there, I was expecting patriotic music to start playing out of nowhere, like what would happen on that old TV show, Green Acres," he said to the wallaby. "What was that badger's name... ah, the lawyer dude?"

"Mister Douglas," Cooper answered.

"What are you talking about?" Reggie snapped. "This is serious!"

"I'm still not voting," Stone replied. "Cooper, are you planning to vote?"

"Nope!" Cooper answered with a shake of his head and grinned before he returned to his task.

"WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU TWO? YOU BOTH NEED TO VOTE! EVERY VOTE MATTERS!" the angry meerkat slammed his fist on the table.

"Why? There is only one candidate running for mayor," the fox calmly replied.

"NO, THERE IS NOT! You've got corrupt Swinton running again and Merdaniana."

"Nope, it's just Scuttles running...again."

"Who the hell is Scuttles?"

"He is a one-eyed seagull."

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

"Stone and I are not citizens of Zootopia, we are registered over in Seaside where the mayor is a seagull," Cooper finally interjected.

"Oh?" Reggie said as he sat down again looking rather stunned. After a few minutes he asked. "Wait! How can a bird be the mayor? A bird is not an intelligent creature!"

"Neither are most of the bloody politicians," Cooper chuckled.

"Nobody else would take the job," Stone laughed.

The meerkat covered his face with his paws and loudly groaned.

Pesky Political Ads

In beach communities, it's common to see airplanes towing banners advertising restaurants or amusement parks. You might also come across floating inflatable billboards on watercraft or being towed, which can obstruct the beautiful ocean views. During major surfing competitions, you might even spot a blimp hovering in the sky.

"Crikey, I can't believe that Reggie B. found someone who would do that!" exclaimed the small wallaby as he pointed towards the sky offshore.

"When he offered to pay me to do it, he said that it was going to be a real blimp which would tow me across the ocean waves as if I was water-skiing and I said NO!" the fennec fox replied.

The cheap blimp shaped helium balloon had a picture of the sleazy sea otter wearing his usual strange toupee and the words "Make Zootopia Zowie Again", followed by "Reggie Belafonte for City Council." Hanging from a rope attached to the balloon was a big bull named Red, who was desperately clinging to it as the balloon started drifting further offshore. The large costumed surfer was screaming and yelling obscenities while frantically kicking his legs. Dangling below the surfer, his surfboard was still attached to his left leg by its tether.

"Where is the motorboat what was supposed to be towing the balloon?" Stone asked.

"Maybe it sank?" Cooper answered. Indeed, the motorboat was nowhere in sight.

"It's bad enough that he is hanging in the air above the water but what makes it worse is the outfit."

"I don't know? It's starting to make me want a bean burrito for lunch."

"I don't get why Red is dressed as a burrito and what that has to do with running for the city council."

"The streamer, that was attached to the balloon before it tore off, advertised two burritos for the price of one at Reggie B's water park's restaurant. I guess that shyster is using campaign funds to promote his rundown water park as well."

"Is that legal?"

"Do I look like a bloody lawyer?"

The wind shifted and the burrito clad bull lost his grip and fell with a splash into the ocean waves.

"Hey, look, he floats!" exclaimed the fennec fox.

"Are those sharks approaching?" the concerned wallaby asked, pointing toward two pairs of fins slicing through the water as they raced toward the now bobbing bull.

"Boy, are they going to be disappointed when they find out that isn't really a huge burrito floating out there," Stone answered.

One of the approaching marine animals surfaced. It was black and white, wearing a dark blue uniform. "Look, they're not sharks! Those are orcas with the Harbor Patrol."

"They are still going to be disappointed if they think he is a burrito for lunch."

At the same time, several nautical miles away, Reggie B. was piloting a motorboat and animatedly talking on his cell phone. He was so focused on wheeling and dealing with the person on the other end of the call that he didn't realize the balloon had become untethered.

Why you should never Interview a surfer about politics

"Stoney, why did you answer the reporter's question that way?" Karen asked. The pretty sand cat in the turquoise bikini looked aggravated when she saw the lean fennec fox in a pair of blue and red boardshorts approaching her, he was tugging on a oversize light yellow tee shirt over his ruffled tan fur.

The fox hesitated before he answered, "It was the first thing that popped into my mind."

"Still, it was a serious question and you just acted like some…well, like a surfer!" she continued after she reached over and helped him pull down his shirt.

"I am a surfer!" he scoffed as he held her white cotton lace kimono style bathing suit cover up for her.

"You sounded like you didn't have a brain in that thick skull of yours," she admonished him while she slipped into the the garment.

"Karen, I wasn't expecting a reporter to shove a microphone in my face and ask me about the mayoral election while I was strolling down the Boardwalk. I haven't been paying attention to the election. Babe, unlike you, I'm not even a resident of the city and can't even vote in the election!"

"You could have at least pretended to be serious for once, it was live on television."

"I said the first thing that came to my mind."

"That's the problem! You said, 'Duuuude, politicians are totally like diapers. They need to be changed regularly and for the same reason.' Why did you say that?"

"My Dad's friend, Nick Wilde, told me that."

"You're going to blame Officer Wilde?"

"Yeah, the joke kinda stuck in my head."

"Stoney!"

"What?" the fox asked.

Karen sighed with frustration as she looked at her boyfriend. One of his ears was erect while the other laid flat and his head was slightly cocked in that confused vulpine manner. He just looked so...so, cute. "Never mind, let's just get some lunch," she finally said.

"Do you want to hear one of the other jokes Officer Wilde told me?"

"NO!"

Stone is a resident of Seaside and even became the mayor inadvertently when he was not in town to object to his nomination as a replacement for the dearly departed Scuttles. I was inspired with making Scuttles (named after the bird in the Little Mermaid), the mayor of the laid back hippie village of Seaside by the election of a tailless cat named Stubbs. The crafty feline was "elected" as the mayor of the quirky village of Talkeetna, Alaska, when the mayoral election sparked general apathy from the community. He served until his death and was replaced by his brother, Denali.

Green Acres was a Filmways Production and a very popular comedy show which aired from 1965 to 1971. You can still view it in reruns and online. I do not own the rights to Green Acres or any of its characters. The mention of the show and of its characters in this story was written solely for the reader's enjoyment and without any profitable purposes.