Chapter 24: The Triumph Of This Cute Little Sister!
"Yep, that's a gun, alright." Keima rubbed his temples as he and the others stood around a yard behind the village's foremost tailor's shop, completely ignoring the giant, fire-breathing cyborg snake woman burning down the town around them.
"And to think, I've been hanging laundry on it all these years," Chekera, the overweight tailor who wore a red cape over an ill-fitting white suit that exposed his incredibly hairy chest and lower belly, mused. The unknowing Elvis impersonator was folding several dark cloaks over his arm, which he had just taken off the ancient superweapon. "Is this really the legendary Mage-Killer-Killer?"
"Are you sure that you can use it?" future chieftess Yunyun turned to her betrothed, concern evident in her voice and burning crimson eyes.
"Well, it's not like I've ever used a gun before but I understand the basic principle," he replied. "Point and shoot. We'll need a good vantage point, though. And a distraction."
A hand with fingers spread and palm facing out covered an eyepatch-covered eye beside a flash of red as the self-styled foremost genius of the Crimson Demon Clan cocked her hip to the side and raised her staff overhead.
"A distraction, you say?" Megumin asked rhetorically. "Then look no further, as nothing can draw one's attention more than the awesome, magnificent glory of my ultimate Explosion magic!"
"Yeah, sure," Keima said distractedly as he grabbed the gun and nearly dropped it before Chekera stepped forward and grabbed the other end before it hit the ground. The thing was heavier than it looked.
"W-wait, no." Everyone's attention turned back to Yunyun as the nervous girl stepped forward. "It should be me. I-I'll distract Sylvia."
"Huh, why?" Megumin asked her.
"B-because it's my duty," Yunyun explained, visibly fighting her own instincts in order to make eye contact instead of nervously looking to the side. "W-what kind of chief will I be if I just stood back and let everyone else put themselves in danger to protect the village? I-I-I need to be f-f-front and c-center, with all… with all eyes o-on m-me."
"That might just be the most Crimson Demon thing that I've ever heard you say," Keima tried to flash her a reassuring smile. "Alright, let's go."
Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!
Finally, at long last, the time of judgment was at hand! That troublesome village was going up in flames around her as Sylvia continued raining down jets of dragon fire upon those irksome Crimson pests. She had become death, destroyer of worlds and queen of the damned! By the rising of the morning sun over the bloodstained horizon, not a single so-called demon would be left alive in this miserable hell hole.
The fact that her inner monologue had devolved into a speech worthy of the hated Crimson Demon Clan was an irony that was lost on her at the moment.
After a while, though, Sylvia finally realized that she was just burning down an empty village, the residents having already finished evacuating early into her rampage. Oh well, that was just a minor setback. She would just send her loyal followers to scout the area to find them… Wait, no, she couldn't. She had already embraced her men in the aftermath of her former king's defeat, ensuring that they would not have to face the trials that would face them without the Devil King's protection.
She was alone, now.
…
No matter, she would simply find them herself. How hard would it be to find those pests, anyway? They were pathologically incapable of staying hidden for more than two seconds, after all. All she had to do was look around and… ah, yes, there.
"Light of Saber!"
A piercing beam of light shot into the air from the outstretched hand of a girl standing on the shoulders of an angel. Specifically, a stone angel statue atop the highest point of the village chief's house. Sylvia spun around what was left of the old clocktower that she had made her watchtower of burning death to get a better look at the challenger.
"I have come to put an end to your wickedness, Sylvia!" the girl declared, staring Sylvia down with a fierce determination almost literally burning behind her glowing crimson eyes which cut through the darkness before she spread her arms to the sides so that her black cape bellowed through the air behind her. "My name is Yunyun, Arch Wizard and Master of the most advanced magic! The greatest mage of the Crimson Demons, future leader of the Crimson Demon Clan and consort of the God of Conquest!"
Sylvia cursed herself for recoiling at the sheer pressure that seemed to emanate off the pompous bitch before she raised one hand and fired another blast of magical energy into the sky like a bolt of lightning traveling in reverse.
"I challenge you!" The bitch had the audacity to declare, pointing a finger straight up at Sylvia without a hint of hesitation. "If you wish to destroy my village, then you will have to go to me to do it!"
"How adorable." Sylvia's eyes narrowed as she stared down the bold brat. "So adorable that it makes the bile rise in my throat. Challenge accepted!"
Sylvia lunged forward, unraveling the long tail of the Mage-Killer from around the bell tower ruins to send herself flying through the air toward Yunyun. The girl hesitated at last, flinching back in fright for a moment before steeling her resolve.
"My crimson eyes cannot ignore evil at work! Destroying it is my crimson fate!" Yunyun pointed her finger at the rapidly approaching Sylvia again. "I-I have seen the ending! Now!"
Sylvia had already activated the Mage-Killer's anti-magic field as soon as she'd lunged, so whatever spell the witch had tried casting was nullified before she could even try. Sylvia's fingers wrapped tightly around the girl, her massive half-covered tits (which of course weren't nearly as large or comely as Sylvia's own), resting on Sylvia's forefinger as the chimera's thumb caressed the girl's hair.
"I-I said now!" Yunyun stammered, panic settling in as Sylvia raised her closer to her face. "Guys?"
Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!
"What's wrong?" Megumin shouted as if the volume of her voice would somehow fix the problem.
"I don't know, it isn't firing!" Keima snapped back as he kept pulling the trigger.
They'd set up the Railgun, which for the record was not actually a railgun, back at the evacuation site without any issues and, with several of Yunyun and Megumin's classmates feeding mana into the ancient weapon through the large funnel at the back of the… stock, Keima was fairly sure it was called, they'd gotten the device activated with a holographic digital scope popping up that would have looked perfectly at home in a sci-fi anime or those American superhero movies with the guy in the red and gold armor, Rocket Man. Everything seemed to be in order.
But when he pulled the trigger? Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Other words that mean nothing.
"Why isn't this working?" Keima grunted in frustration as he kept futilely trying to fire the stupid, godforsaken gun in his hands, Sylvia's smug face set firmly in his sight.
Unfortunately, none of the Crimson Demons were of any help. Hiropon, in particular, had been reduced to a sobbing wreck, not because his daughter was about to be killed if they didn't do something fast but because he had found her introduction speech so moving that he'd been brought to tears. Typical Crimson Demon behavior. But then again, Keima had also been pretty proud to hear her out there. Because he was her friend and had been couching her on how to be more confident, of course. No other reason.
"Aahhh! I take it back! Forget I said anything!"
He was much less proud to hear her desperately beg for her life as the giant cyborg snake woman slowly crushed her ribs. Keima not-so-silently cursed himself for not being able to rescue her. Because she was his friend.
"Ah, to hell with this overhyped piece of crap!" Megumin finally yelled, giving the Railgun (which wasn't a railgun) a solid kick before climbing onto a strategically placed boulder that Keima was pretty sure had been specifically placed there by past Crimson Demons just so that they could pull off dramatic poses like the one Megumin was now doing with her staff held in the air. "I, Megumin, the greatest genius that the Crimson Demon Clan has ever produced, will rescue my fated rival myself!"
Multicolored ribbons of light arced and spun through the air, feeding into the flowing pink orb kept magically suspended within the crook of the wooden staff as she charged up one of her signature Explosion spells. Keima was just about to let it happen, resigned to the lack of other options, before he suddenly realized why that was a very, very bad idea.
"Come forth and dance, oh Lord of Flame!"
"No, wait, you'll hit Yunyun too!" Keima rushed forward, abandoning the ancient superweapon that they'd completely wasted their time and energy trying to find.
"By my command, reveal your fury!" But it was too late. "Explo~sion!
The familiar circular crest of magical energy formed in front of the overzealous girl. Instead of another forming in front of it, followed by another and another until the basically-a-nuke-but-thankfully-probably-not-actually-nuclear explosion was unleashed on her target, the magic of the spell was swept away in a swirling vortex that bubbled out before suddenly arcing around and getting sucked into the Railgun's energy siphon, incidentally sending Keima flying onto his back in the process while the gathered villagers watched in stunned awe at the slightly different light show than the one they'd been expecting.
"W-what?" Megumin asked weakly, looking around at where her Explosion spell hadn't fired from.
"Hey, lookit! This light's all glowing!" The youngest Crimson Demon, or at least she was the youngest that Keima had met, anyway, pointed to a glowing yellow panel on the side of the anachronistic superweapon erroneously known as the Railgun, where the English word 'FULL' was flashing.
"Did… did we forget to charge it?" Keima wondered aloud incredulously as he walked up next to Komekko, rubbing his sore bottom.
Of course, that stupid thing would have been out of power after possibly centuries of disuse. In retrospect, Keima felt stupid for thinking that the weak streams of magic from a few teenage girls would have been enough to power such a device. He decided to blame Crimson Demon logic for the obvious blunder. Or maybe anime logic. Either way, he had to line up his shot again.
Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!
Unbeknownst to everyone else involved in the Crucible of the Crimson Demon Village, as bystanders were already calling it, an anachronistic emergency response vehicle was barrelling along the old roads leading into town with a self-proclaimed Devil Queen behind the wheel.
"Oh, crap!" Elsie muttered to herself as she made her way through rows of old-looking but not actually all that old houses that were burning to the ground around her. She would have been much less panicked if she had known just how usual a site this actually was to the Crimson Demons, the most unusual part simply being that it wasn't one of the eccentric Arch Wizards themselves that had started the fire. "Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap!"
Her runaway capture target was currently a giant snake woman towering over the town square and cackling maniacally at someone held tightly in her right hand, who Elsie couldn't make out from that distance in the smoke. Regardless of who, though, she needed to find a way to rescue them.
Frantically scanning the area, Elsie's dimly glowing purple eyes settled on a partly collapsed building up ahead with a dramatically slanted roof. What she was about to do would have been impossible with a normal fire truck. Fortunately, she had a magic, indestructible one.
"You Crimson Demons are all talk!" Sylvia declared up ahead as she held her prisoner overhead, who Elsie worriedly realized was Yunyun of all people, and made a show of licking her luscious red lips. "Take away your magic and you've got nothing to show for it. Now, what was it that you were just saying? That if I want to destroy this village, I have to go through you? Well, now it looks like you'll be the one passing through me."
The growth chimera stuck her tongue out before letting go of the girl. Yunyun let out a scream as she plummeted towards the monstrous woman's open mouth but Elsie's plan had already sprung into motion. Her firetruck shot off the impromptu ramp which collapsed mere seconds after the vehicle was sent arching through the air like a motorcycle through a flaming hoop suspended over a canyon.
Time seemed to slow to a crawl as several tons of steel slammed into the back of Sylvia's head, sending the chimera falling face-first into the ground while Elsie managed to lean out the window and grab her brother's future baby mama by the lapel and quickly pull her into the vehicle one-handed.
Then a giant blue and white death laser pierced through the night air out of nowhere, aimed squarely at where Sylvia's stomach had just been a moment earlier. The sheer force of the blast was enough to send the truck and its passengers hurtling off course, smashing through the roof of Yunyun's house.
"What the heaven was that?"
Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!
"What the hell was that?"
Keima was just about ready to kick that stupid hunk of metal that wasn't a railgun but he really didn't have anything else to call it except maybe trash. Of all the… Why had his good-for-nothing sister picked that exact moment to pop out of nowhere and play hero?
Though Keima's foul mood wasn't shared by the villagers around him. Every Crimson Demon on that hill was cheering and celebrating Elsie's dramatic heroic rescue, except for Megumin who was lying face down in a patch of mud, turning her head to the side and spitting dirt out of her mouth to complain that no one had bothered to come pick her up. But if she could complain then she could breathe and if she could breathe then that wasn't a priority. It was nobody's fault but her own that she was nothing more than a one-and-done.
"Now what?" he grumbled to himself as he watched Sylvia pick herself up from the ground. "We had one shot and we missed."
"It looks like we have no other choice," Hiropon replied, sliding forward with a villainous glint in his eye. "We must unleash that upon her."
"Are you sure?" Arue asked, stepping up beside him. "If we try that, it could very well mean the end of the world as we know it!"
"I know but it must be done," the chief shook his head forlornly before raising his fist in solemn resolve. "Without it, we stand no other chance."
Keima groaned in exasperation. "Stop playing the pronoun game and explain what you're talking about! Do you have another plan or not? Because earlier you seemed convinced that this hunk of junk was the only way to defeat the Mage-Killer!"
"Indeed, the lost legendary weapon protected by our ancestors was long believed to be the only way to defeat the Mage-Killer," Hiropon explained. "But you see, unknown to even its creator, another weapon was made with the power to defeat any opponent that stands before it! A weapon unlike any other that the world has ever known! And through the power of that ultimate weapon of destruction, we shall win this day!"
"You're going to say that it's you, aren't you," Keima sighed, already accepting defeat.
"For lo and behold, we are the Crimson Demons!" Hiropon rallied the crowd with a pump of his fist through the air overhead, confirming Keima's fears. "We make the impossible possible and kick logic to the curb! If we combine our might, nothing can stand in our way, not even the very thing created to stop us!"
The whole village cheered as Hiropon hopped onto a boulder and struck a pose. Keima could have almost sworn he could see an invisible flag waving through the air behind him as he spoke.
"From this day, until the end of the world, this night shall be remembered as the night we make our final stand! We may not live to see the sunrise! Gods forbid, our entire clan could meet its end this very night! But no matter what happens this fateful night, we shall live on for eternity in the memories of all those who look back on this moment as one of the shining pillars of history, an event etched into the annals of history through the blood and sweat of our people! The day that we few, we happy few, our merry band of brothers and sisters -for all you who stand beside me this day are in truth my brothers and sisters in all but name- shall rise beyond the realm of the mere arcane and ascend to a power beyond even what the gods dare wield! And the gentleman and ladies of Belzerg and beyond shall think themselves accursed that they were not here to fight this fight and become more than any mere legend ever told! Now stand, dear brothers and sisters of the Crimson Demons! We fight for our homes, our families and our freedom!"
"OUR HOMES! OUR FAMILIES! OUR FREEDOM!"
"So, you're going to pelt the giant monster lady who's immune to all magic with magic until she dies?" Keima asked as Hiropon returned to his side amid the deafening roars of the crowd. "Flawless plan."
"We are the Crimson Demons!" he declared. "If we say that we'll kill the goddess, she'll be quivering in her heaven! No anti-magic field will be enough to stand up to all of us!"
"Well, there's no way this is going to work but sure, why not," Keima said as everyone joined together, ready to fight. "Maybe we can overload the anti-magic field or something."
Every Crimson Demon except Komekko and a few other children who hadn't learned magic yet gathered around, posing as dramatically as they could while spouting off their intros which Keima didn't pay much attention to. Then the volley of magic began.
"Inferno!"
"Cursed Lightning!"
"Energy Ignition!"
"Call of Thunderstorm!"
"Burning Flash!"
"Crimson Laser!"
"Dimension Hell Break!"
"Meteor Drop!"
Enough raw destruction was unleashed to level a mountain in seconds as a cacophony of the highest-level Advanced spells shot out overhead, ready to shower death upon the titanic chimera that had destroyed their not-so-humble village. And all of it was immediately redirected into a swirl of light and dark energy that was harmlessly sucked into the Railgun. The Full icon flashed back on as the last of the magical energy was fed into the machine.
"Oh," was all Keima could say as he and the Crimson Demons stared blankly at the device. "Right, I guess I'm just a bit too used to Megumin being useless after one shot, I thought this thing would work the same way."
"Hey!"
"Yes, this was of course my plan all along." Hiropon tried to save face, though no one was buying it. "Now, son-in-law! Fire the cannon!"
"Yeah, just give me a moment to line up my shot and-" Keima started to say as he hurried over to the Railgun. However, he wasn't quick enough to get to the ancient doomsday weapon in time.
"Weehee!"
He watched, as everyone else did, as the laser was fired once again. This time, at the stubby little hands of Komekko, soon-to-be-known as Le Enfant Terrible of the Crimson Demons and Slayer of the Mage-Killer. Because of course the six-year-old saved the day.
Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!
Shortly after the Railgun had been fired the first time, Elsie dismissed her firetruck with the press of a button on her keyfob so that she and Yunyun could scramble out of the way before Sylvia slammed her mighty metal tail down where they'd just been. Probably not the best tactical decision, though, considering that they were far more vulnerable outside of the indestructible mobile fortress than they would have been inside of it. Despite that, the two girls managed to run out of the way in time to avoid getting squished flat by the irate chimera.
"M-my house!" Yunyun cried out as the only home that she'd ever truly known was rendered into little more than a pile of scraps.
"I'm so thoroughly done with you pests!" Sylvia screamed in rage before swooping down and grabbing the future sisters-in-law, raising them up in front of her face in each hand. "I was trying to be nice but you've worn out my patience. The only question now is do I eat you now or make you suffer by-"
"OUR HOMES! OUR FAMILIES! OUR FREEDOM!"
A rallying chant echoed from the nearby hills, drawing Sylvia's attention away from her captives.
"What's that?" the giant snake lady wondered aloud, twisting around and slithering through the ruined streets of the Crimson Demon Village. "What are those pests up to now?"
Elsie and Yunyun were pulled along for the ride as Sylvia crossed the valley to see what the rest of the Crimson Demons were doing, and Elsie used that time to try and free herself while their captor was distracted. She managed to pull one arm out of Sylvia's grip, sword in hand, and stabbed the giantess in the finger to force her to let go. Sylvia winced at the sudden sting and reflexively let her grip go slack so that Elsie could wrestle her way out through her fingers before jumping through the air and landing on Sylvia's other hand, sinking her sword into that one as well to rescue Yunyun.
"Ugh, how dare you!" Sylvia screamed as her attention was drawn back to the two girls while Elsie managed to land safely on a mostly intact rooftop with Yunyun in her arms in a bridal carry. "You know what, screw it! I'm just going to roast you both right here and now, you-"
Whatever insult Sylvia had come up with for them never passed her lips as the chimera's neck suddenly exploded in a violent shower of gore. A massive bolt of energy had just fired through the air again, this time striking Sylvia dead on, messily parting her head from her shoulders. Elsie watched, too stunned to react as said head crashed into the ground in front of her, lifeless eyes staring up at nothing.
Then the Mage-Killer exploded, sending Elsie flying up into the sky. Yunyun was knocked out of her arms but Elsie managed to grab her again before slamming down into the cliff face where the rest of Crimson Demons, and Keima, were gathered around. As she turned over onto her back and let out a loud grunt, she spotted Komekko posing next to a rode of smoking, fractured metal that looked kind of like that strange gun she'd seen at the tailor's shop with her hands over her head and her patched-up cape flowing in the wind caused by the explosion.
"Behold, I am Komekko!" the girl shouted excitedly as everyone looked on with awe, except for Keima who ran over to check on Elsie and Yunyun, only to get knocked onto his rear as his fianceé tackled him in tears. "The most lovable li'l sister in the Crimson Demons and defeater of the Devil King general! Look upon my works, ye wicked, and dee-spair!"
Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!
In the next exciting chapter of God's Blessing, God Knows: The Voyage of This Unlucky Caravan!
"Everyone, get behind me!" Darkness shouted and suddenly dashed forward to the head of the ground, sword gripped firmly in both hands. Only the three people who knew her noticed the drool running down from her mouth. "Let my body be your shield from this vile beast!"
This was not a side to Darkness that Kazuma was used to seeing from-
"NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! I REFUSE TO GO OUT LIKE THAT!"
Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!
An elegant and handsome amazoness stood at the bank of the river, restored in death to her preferred form. A bank of fog clouded her vision but as she drew closer to the water's edge, the fog passed so that she could see four shadowy figures gradually come into view.
"Hey, over here!" One of the figures waved and called out to her and, as Sylvia waded through the dark waters, she could see the familiar dark armor of General Verdia, his helmeted head held in the crook of his arm as always. "Come join us!"
Sylvia blinked and rubbed her eyes, convinced that she couldn't possibly have been seeing what she thought she was seeing. But when she opened her eyes again, the perverted old dullahan was still there and to his right, Hans the deadly poison slime was standing there in his humanoid form, swaying side to side with a glazed expression and muttering something that Sylvia couldn't quite hear. Meanwhile, to Verdia's left was the masked fallen angel, White Robe, who looked like he was covered in soot and coughing up smoke. On his other side, the demonic yet distinctly feminine form of the Devil King's daughter was in just as rough shape.
But that was impossible. They were all dead. The only way that Sylvia could be seeing them now was if…
"No…" Sylvia reeled back and looked around, finally realizing just where she was. "If they're here, then this place is-"
Sylvia quickly turned around and tried to run back where she'd come from but it was too late. The black waters of the River Styx grew viscous and sludgelike, holding her rooted to the spot. At first, she thought that she would be able to move but then suddenly she found herself pulled under the deceptively calm waters.
"Come with us and we can hobnob like we used to." Verdia grabbed Sylvia from behind, one arm wrapped around her belly and violently squeezing one of her boobs while the other held his head.
"Soapdetergentsoapdetergentsoupdetergent-" Meanwhile, Hans was wrapped around her hips, seemingly in a trance.
"I believed that I was done with this detestable garbage when I retired." White Robe had her pinned by the shoulders. "It should be Lady Wiz here, not I."
"If I'm going, then I'm taking the rest of you with me!" the Devil King's daughter shouted from where she was holding Sylvia by the legs.
"NO!" Sylvia cried out desperately as she did her best to hold her head above the river's surface. "I DON'T WANT TO DIE! I'M NOT DONE YET!"
Her entire life passed before her eyes, from her days as a young snake-tailed cub to her death mere moments ago. It all felt so… empty. So lonely.
But her struggles were in vain. Even she wasn't strong enough to fend off four other former generals and soon Verdia stopped trying to molest her to instead grab her by the back of the head and pull her under with one solid movement. The growth chimera had never felt so helpless before as they dragged her into the abyss.
"Come with us," Verdia rasped, his head held mere inches from Sylvia's face by White Robe.
"NO!" Sylvia tried to cry out again only for her lungs to fill with the water of the damned, burning her from the inside. She couldn't go out this way. She wouldn't die! She wasn't ready to go!
Everything grew dark and for a painful moment, Sylvia thought she was done for. There was nothing she could do. Part of her even wondered if perhaps she should have taken up that idiot girl's offer if it meant that she could have been spared this fate.
But, no. This wouldn't be how she died. She was Sylvia, former general of the Devil King's army. This wasn't how her story would end. This wasn't how she would die.
She was a growth chimera. She could graft anything into herself and make it a part of her, growing ever closer to perfection. Not just any living thing. Anything.
"I WANT TO LIVE!"
Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!
In the next exciting chapter of God's Blessing, God Knows: The Legend Of This Crimson God!
"Of course not!" Chief Hiropon shouted, turning to their people. "Just who the hell do you think we are? We're the Crimson Demons! We don't just run at the first sign of danger! We face it head-on and show danger who's boss! This may seem like the summer of our discontent but soon the hour of our victory will be here! Who's with me!"
"So…" Keima said slowly. "Somehow, Sylvia returned."
Yunyun gasped and practically fell over as a pair of red arms suddenly reached out from the mass of slime below Sylvia and grabbed her before a demonic-looking woman pulled herself up out of it.
Author's Notes: This chapter ended up sticking closer to canon than I would have liked and I would have changed how Sylvia dies just to shake things up but Komekko needs the levels for something later, so here we are.
If this were animated, then the fake-out ending would have had Sylvia physically grabbing the next episode title card and shoving it off the screen to show her standing in the river. Also, as far as I have planned this will be the only major instance of a fourth wall break in this story. I generally think of them as a very potent spice that needs to be used sparingly and carefully to make the most of them or else it can ruin the whole 'dish'. But how about you? What are your thoughts about fourth wall breaks in fanfics, or in general?