Chapter 8: Superior Defects
-o-o-o-
The sky was dark—a clear indicator that it was late, around 10 PM. The school-set curfew was 11, and most people woke up early due to classes, so no one was out at this hour. I didn't know why he had asked me to be here, either.
Today was a special day. It marked one week from the date that he and I had discovered who each of us was. It marked one week from that fateful night.
That night, we had exchanged our true selves. We had taken off our masks and exposed ourselves to each other. In a way, we had seen each other naked. Unable to banish that ridiculous thought, I giggled a bit.
And due to this exchange, even though I had really only known him for one week, it felt like I had known him for a lifetime. Yes, maybe I was crazy, maybe I was delusional, but that's how it felt.
As I walked, my right hand grazing the metallic railing, the ocean waves rushed softly against the shore, then retracted, clouding the sound of my footsteps. There were no clouds tonight, so the moon shone brightly down on the ripples and the waves. Despite being right next to the sea, ANHS somehow didn't have a beach, which was the singular drawback regarding the amenities.
Whatever. Even though it probably would have been nice, I didn't need to go to the beach every weekend. If we did have a beach, Karuizawa and Shinohara and all the bitches would most likely be begging to go every two days. I wasn't like those girls.
Finally, I saw a figure ahead, on one of the benches underneath the streetlight. As I came closer, I caught the familiar glint of his brown hair, confirming it was him.
"Ayanokōji-kun."
He didn't move from his spot on the bench. Did he not hear me? I moved closer, going around the bench to look at him. Still, he didn't meet my gaze.
"Ayanokōji-kun."
"I heard you the first time."
Motherfucker! Why didn't you answer then? I fumed silently, as he finally looked at me.
However, once he turned his gaze upon me, I stopped fuming. My anger died out instantly, like a fire deprived of oxygen. That was the kind of effect he had on me.
Even though his cold, golden orbs had already been seared into my memory, I still had to resist the urge to shiver—despite there being no malice in them. It was like my mind was hallucinating the emotions in them.
An intrinsic survival instinct.
"Why did you call me out?"
We obviously knew each other's phone numbers. He could have talked to me over the phone or called me to his room. Or asked if he could come to my room.
"No reason. I just wanted to talk to you."
He wanted to talk to me for no reason? No way, no way, what was he doing? Could it be…?
Ayanokōji-kun seemed to note the look on my face. He tilted his head. "Is there a problem? You don't want to talk?"
"No… it's just…" I found myself stumbling for words. "Well, I—"
"I understand," he said softly. "If you don't want to talk, you're free to go."
"No, it's not that. I want to talk," I said, injecting as much honesty into my tone as I could. He looked at me.
Talking to the Devil was a tricky thing. I couldn't use my mask; this was the second time we were having a real, down-to-earth conversation like this. He wanted us to talk earnestly every time.
I couldn't remember the last time I had a real, honest conversation with someone. The last time that happened must have been during elementary school—no, even then, I was too hung up on my own accomplishments of being a child prodigy. The mask had been worn on my face for as long as I could remember, so much so that it and I were one: a second skin.
A heart-to-heart conversation was something I thought I didn't need. Talking to no one was enough, whether that be through my online blogs or shouting into the night, where no one could hear me, where no one knew who I was.
I didn't need to talk to someone honestly because I didn't have someone to call friend.
I was sure that a monster like him didn't have that, either. Maybe that was why I took a seat beside him on the wooden bench. When I did so, he gave no indication of whether or not it pleased him, but I was sure it did. He wanted to talk to me anyway, right?
"Are you feeling well? Does my presence disturb you?"
I shook my head. "I'm getting used to it, I guess."
That was only partially true. However, I had a nagging feeling.
That recurring nightmare wouldn't ever leave me.
The one that caused my chest and throat to painfully tighten as I felt the exploding, phantom pain in my abdomen and the icy-cold grip on my throat.
The one that made me stare blankly at myself in the mirror as I felt a hand brushing the folds of my skirt, lifting them up with malevolent desire.
The one that gave me the foreign sensation of weightlessness and made me bite my lip so hard that the metallic taste of blood flooded my mouth as I futilely tried holding my tears back until they finally streamed down my face.
But despite that all-encompassing feeling of terror and dread, I found myself gravitating toward that addictive feeling of being the most important person in his presence.
Yes, I was the center of his world.
He was everywhere. We were together at lunch, and had covert meetings in his room, primarily for me to decompress. I saw him in my dreams every night. The more I felt his presence, the more I started to get used to it due to one simple fact.
I knew the strict rule. The rule was simple: he wasn't going to hurt me unless I deserved it.
I felt happier and better than ever after every ranting session with him. He never judged me, never cared about any of the things I said behind people's backs.
He really was the Devil.
A thought suddenly occurred to me. What if he didn't care about me like I did about him? He had said that he wanted to go to Class A; what if an opportunity arose for him to sacrifice me? On the other hand, what if I was expelled by someone else's doing? Would he save me?
"Ayanokōji-kun, I have a question." I paused, waiting for his permission.
"Go ahead."
I took a deep, quiet breath, preparing myself. He was a manipulator, a schemer. I had a feeling that he wouldn't hesitate to do what was necessary in order to win.
That led me to ask this.
"…Am I just your pawn?"
The question made him look at me. "What made you ask that?"
I paused for a moment once again, trying to gather my next words so that my voice wouldn't shake. Would he punish me for asking this? I didn't know.
"Well, I was just thinking… you want to get to Class A, right? I mean everyone does, of course!" At an indistinguishable look in his eyes, I hurriedly continued, "That needs a lot of points, and what if an opportunity comes where you can sacrifice me for class points, or what if I get expelled—"
"That won't happen, Kushida." His tone was so strong, so laden with finality that I found it difficult to refute his words. "You're not my pawn. You're not a simple piece for me to move around on the chessboard."
"What am I, then?"
I felt myself stiffen as his right thumb grazed my cheek. Tingles exploded in my stomach and chest, but I couldn't tell if they were the good kind or the bad kind. Who cared, anyway? He was the only one who could make me feel like this.
"You're my queen."
A queen, a queen. Holy fuck. I didn't know anything about chess, but I knew that the queen was the most powerful piece on the board. No one would ever sacrifice the queen, it was absurdity and idiocy! Hold on, did he really think I was that? Was he trying to romance me?
"Don't give me that shit," I purposefully scoffed, looking away. "Any other girl would have thought you were trying to woo her."
"But I am," he said instantly. I whipped my head back toward him. He said the words so earnestly, so genuinely, even though he had that constant apathetic, boring expression on his face…
"You idiot!" I whispered furiously, my cheeks heated up, even in the cold air. "Romantic motherfucker. You do know that that's only a term used for people in relationships right? Lovey-dovey, girlfriend, boyfriend shit."
Ayanokōji-kun let out an exhale of amusement. "I didn't know," he admitted, stopping my quick rant. "I'm not very skilled at those things, you know. If you don't like the name—"
"No, I like it," I interrupted. "It's fine. I love it, in fact."
"Okay." He appeared satisfied.
I was satisfied too, until I realized what my words meant. Mother of fucking whores, why did I have to go and do that!? This was so embarrassing.
His queen. His queen.
Those two words kept repeating themselves in my head. I was Ayanokōji-kun's queen. I was his queen.
Then, what about those two? An irritating feeling presented itself in my chest. I wanted to crush it. I needed to crush it.
"Ayanokōji-kun, you say I'm your queen… then what about Ichinose-san and Kiryūin-san? The other two on the Student Council?" I gave him a sidelong glance. "I heard that you were out on a date with Kiryūin-san. She also barged into class to pick you up. What was that about?"
"It was strictly business. You know how people love spreading rumors."
I searched his face, trying to find any sense of deceit, but I soon gave up after I realized he was the Devil. He always had that handsome, poker face on. I couldn't read him.
He must have sensed my discontent, because his arm came around me once more, grazing the nape of my neck. I shuddered at the contact but relished the feeling—that familiar, twisted feeling I had grown to love: that unease in the bottom of my stomach born from the Devil's darkness, blended with the tight, yearning in the chest, born from the Devil's kindness. I had learned to savor it because they were two sides of the same coin.
"You're my queen. No one else is," he murmured. "No matter what happens, that won't change."
His words, combined with the pleasing allure of his scent and the feeling of his hands around me sent a shuddering tremor through my body for what felt like the umpteenth time. I could never get tired of it.
Of course, I couldn't be his girlfriend. I was his queen partially because I didn't have a boyfriend, which caused all the boys to continue worshiping my angelic persona. If I became his girlfriend, I would instantly lose support
But who cares? I was his queen, better than some frivolous girlfriend. Even if he got a girlfriend, she wouldn't accept this side of him. She would never know this much about him like I did. I was special to him.
"Who would have guessed you were like this?" I laughed quietly. "A monster like you."
Even though I had said those words, I didn't mean to insult him. He didn't seem to care about the words I said. I was sure that nobody's words could get his poker face to ever falter.
"I'm surprising, huh?"
"Apparently both of us are," I snorted. "No one would be crazy enough to get along with me if I was always like this. It's just a fact."
"I feel like I get along better with you when you speak your mind. That's my genuine feeling."
Fuck, fuck. Was this guy trying to be Prince Charming with a two-faced bitch like me? No way, no way. He really did care about me like that.
"Kushida, are you alright?" Appearing to have noticed my abnormality, he glanced at me.
"I'm fine," I answered quickly, a little too quickly. "You're crazy."
"Are you really okay? Your face is red."
"I'm fine," I insisted for a second time. The Devil paid me no heed, however. Ayanokōji-kun leaned in, the back of his right hand extending to check the temperature of my forehead. I let him.
At that time, I could only think about what a strange person Ayanokōji-kun was. What a beautiful afterthought that was.
-o-o-o-
It was late. I knew that I shouldn't be out so late, but I had a huge headache. I found that whenever I have headaches, the best way to clear them is to take a quick walk outside and get a breath of fresh air.
The campus was empty. All their employees had already closed up their shops. I decided to take a walk by the sea. However, as I rounded the corner of a building, I saw two figures ahead.
I hid behind the building corner. I didn't know why I did that, but a second glance revealed that my intuition to hide was correct. Ayanokōji-kun and Kushida-san. What were they doing out at this hour?
They were sitting together, side by side, on the bench. I had seen them together out and about recently, but this was a completely new development. Were they dating?
That would explain a whole lot, like how Kushida-san got on the Student Council, or how they were both in key positions for our class.
They were close enough so that I could make out the colors of their respective hair and their faces, but far enough so that I couldn't hear what they were saying. I just heard their distant voices. Even though I knew it was wrong, I couldn't help but stay there a little while. I wanted to see what would happen.
After observing them for a little while, I hid back behind the building corner, just in case someone saw me.
From their positions on the bench and their mannerisms, Ayanokōji-kun and Kushida-san didn't seem to be dating, but they were definitely closer than friends. But at the same time, I remembered that there had been a rumor going around that Ayanokōji-kun had been spotted going out with Kiryūin Fūka, one of the beauties in the second year.
Did he like her or Kushida-san? Speaking of which, Ichinose-san was also close to him, right? Was Ayanokōji-kun a womanizer or a lady-killer? No way, right?
Well, he was high on the ikemen list, and well-known in the grade, but his personality… he didn't seem like someone who was a womanizer.
Then, what was this? A love square? Quadrilateral? I giggled silently at the thought. How ridiculous!
I turned the corner again, only to find that they were gone. They had likely gone back inside.
There were probably a few extra minutes until the actual curfew, but I didn't want to risk anything. Intending to head back, I turned around, beginning to transition into a jog.
I bumped into something solid. I fell onto the ground, but the thing didn't even make a sound. I looked up.
Golden orbs.
They were like wells of their own light even shrouded in the darkness. But they weren't kind at all.
An overwhelming aura of malevolence assaulted me. Wispy, black hands reached out from the darkness around those indifferent orbs—two at first, then multiplying and multiplying until they filled the entire space, stretching abnormal, elongated fingers toward me.
Only half a second later did I realize they were eyes. The eyes of my handsome, brown-haired classmate, Ayanokōji-kun.
The figure in front of me flickered. He was suddenly back to normal.
He had been frightening before, but now, he looked like the normal Ayanokōji-kun I knew. He held out a hand, and I took it; he pulled me up to my feet.
"Matushsita, what are you doing here? It's late."
Ayanokōji-kun.
Had he seen me while I was peeking? No way that was possible. He probably just noticed me after leaving with Kushida-san. Yeah, he was perceptive enough for that.
"Matsushita, what's wrong?"
His eyebrows furrowed together in worry at the look on my face. I must have hallucinated it. I was worrying him for no reason! I was probably drowsy, that was why.
"Sorry, I think I'm just a little sleepy…" I said while observing him closely. However, there was nothing like what had happened before. I concluded that I was definitely hallucinating.
"I see. We should head back, then. It's almost curfew."
Upon hearing his words, I checked my phone—it was 10:56 PM! We began to hurry back to the first-year student dormitory.
"I saw you with Kushida-san just now… are you two dating?"
As I asked the question, the thought of him dating another girl manifested some kind of phantom pain in my chest. I pushed it away. Of course, he was surrounded by women like Ichinose-san, Kiryūin-san, and Kushida-san. Given his good looks and status as a student council vice president, he was bound to be popular.
But I didn't like him for any of those reasons. Trips with him out to Keyaki Mall, teasing each other, spending time with each other in our group, he was like a clueless puppy sometimes. Physical attraction helped, obviously, but did I need a concrete reason to like someone? Feelings were frivolous—there were plenty of other fish in the sea.
"We're not dating, just close friends," he said. I felt oddly relieved.
"Ayanokōji-kun… would you mind exchanging first names?"
"Sure," he accepted without much thought. "Chiaki."
"Kiyotaka." I nudged him with my shoulder. His right hand came up and gave me a head pat.
Eh? It felt surprisingly nice. Color bloomed on my face as I relished the feeling. So this was what head pats from Kiyotaka-kun felt like. He kept patting my head even as we entered the first-year dormitory and took the elevator. Luckily, no one was there to see us, otherwise I would have suffered this incredible embarrassment.
"See you later, Chiaki."
He was already abusing the use of my first name! Tsk, tsk, tsk.
"Later, Kiyotaka."
-o-o-o-
I preferred doing everything that was necessary and being efficient. That was it. I spent my free time looking for someone interesting to play with. You could say that it was a hobby of sorts. However, the only two boys that I had looked at during my first year, Horikita Manabu and Nagumo Miyabi, didn't have a hidden side to them. They weren't exciting—they were one-faced, predictable, and boring. I soon lost interest in them, and by extension, class battles and everything else. I didn't need to participate when I was confident in my abilities to obtain anything I needed after graduation.
Then Ayanokōji Kiyotaka came to this school. I'd heard his name from my father before when we went to New York for a convention. I knew that Ayanokōji Kiyotaka wasn't normal. It was clear from his entrance exams. My kōhai had drawn the eyes of many, including Horikita and Nagumo.
When I tried to get closer to him, instead of repelling me, he accepted and even dragged me into the Student Council. Needless to say, I was never one to do any type of unsolicited work. You could say that I had gained a kind of infamy for it: being extremely talented and yet not choosing to do anything. That was why there was such a huge gap between the second-year Class A and Class B. Otherwise, the battle might have been closer.
So when my acceptance to the Student Council was announced, some of my classmates frantically asked me what was going on. After all, I, a second-year student who had previously displayed no interest in joining the Student Council, was now engaged in it. I was really doing paperwork. It didn't take long for everyone to connect the dots.
However, recently, Kiyotaka had been limiting my visits for that girl, Kushida Kikyō. I didn't come over as often, and that meant he was keeping me out of his secret plans. I didn't like that. I wanted to see all of his glory in action, in real-time.
That was why I was in his room right now.
"What do you want, Fūka? It's late." The aforementioned, handsome, golden-eyed boy stared at me. I couldn't read his facial expression, although my intuition told me that he was slightly annoyed. He had come back just in time for curfew, which I found suspicious.
Speaking of his irritation, I found that absolutely striking, his blank, annoyed expression. I wanted to annoy him even more. To see his facial expression when he was disturbed. I couldn't help but feel that it would be stimulating to see that on those beautiful features of his.
It was past 11 PM, almost midnight, which was obviously almost past curfew. If I were to be caught, I would suffer some consequences from the school, but probably nothing severe.
"When are you gonna let me see you do something exciting?" Ever since that dinner at Alinea, I had just been doing paperwork for Kiyotaka in the office. Was this really what my desires got me? It couldn't be.
"Well, I wish I could have seen that."
"You want something exciting, don't you?" At the end of his sentence, there was a strange undertone in his speech. "Well, I'll show you something exciting."
Suddenly, he closed the distance between us, one hand pushing me against the wall. We were so close that our foreheads almost touched, and our breaths intermingled in the air. His lustrous, golden eyes gazed into mine.
"No, it's not exciting enough for me." I grabbed his waist, and with a flare of my own strength, switched positions with him, so that he was the one against the wall. I placed my right hand on his chest, and trailed my fingers down, feeling his muscles through the fabric, from his broad chest to his abdominal muscles, and then his thighs. I leaned back so that we remained in each other's warmth, but my hips were just slightly away from his. "How does that feel, Kōhai-kun?"
He grabbed me by the shoulders, and I let out a sound of shock as he switched the positions once more. I felt the strength of his grip, as he pinned me against the wall. However, this time, he grabbed my wrists in one hand and put them up against the wall, above my head. I couldn't resist licking my lips.
"This is a very interesting position, Kiyo-kun~ what do you think would happen if someone were to walk in on us?"
"We'd probably get expelled if they reported us. " That was probably true, but why did he put it like that? Why didn't he say something more exciting?
"So harsh, Ki-yo-ta-ka." With every syllable of his name, I leaned closer, so much so that our lips were only a finger's width away.
With one hand, he forced my head back against the wall and came close to me. Desire pooled deep in my stomach as his lips met my throat. And then, much to my dismay, he released me.
"You're so mean, Kiyotaka."
"You're blushing, Fūka." Huh? I was blushing? Now that I thought about it, my cheeks did seem a little hot.
I must have had a dumbfounded look on my face because mirth seemed to dance in his eyes. "You trickster."
"Don't worry. I'll show you something exciting soon. The first opportunity I have."
"You might not be able to show me directly." It was a hint about the Island Exam that I had taken one year ago. In that exam, Nagumo Miyabi had begun his ascent upward from Class B, eventually overtaking my class later in that same year.
"The first special exam is on the island, isn't it? During summer vacation."
What? How had he figured that out? Just from my hint? That was impossible from what I had said, I was sure of it… yet he defied my expectations again.
A smirk overcame my lips. He was so irresistible. "My, my, Kiyotaka, you sure are smart… I'm looking forward to what you can do during the exam."
"That's reassuring."
"Don't be so sardonic with me. We've slept together, after all."
He frowned a little. It was cute. "Not in that way."
"You sound disappointed," I teased, trying to get another reaction out of him.
"I assure you I'm not. Are you trying to sleep with me again?"
"Would you make an innocent lady such as myself go back to the dorms in the middle of the night?"
"No. But I don't see any innocent lady in front of me."
I crossed my arms and pouted. He ignored me, though. "I've already showered," he said pointedly.
"Me too. We can sleep together."
"Fine."
Even though he seemed displeased, that was how he was, anyway. As he rolled into bed, I crawled in alongside him. This was something that we had become accustomed to every few nights when I visited. I wished he would come to visit my room sometimes. That would be fun.
-o-o-o-
As I was walking through the hall, heading back to class for homeroom, I stumbled upon an unfortunate person. Just my luck.
"Hey, Kiyotaka-kun! I haven't seen you in a while, eh?"
"Hoshinomiya-sensei."
She was wearing a short dress and heeled sandals which made a clacking sound as she stumbled across the floor. Compared to Chabashira's older woman vibe, Hoshinomiya was more of a cutesy type. It was like comparing Fūka and Kushida mixed with Ichinose and Fūka. Hoshinomiya definitely didn't have amicable intentions.
"Aww, don't be so flippant!" She wrapped her arms around me, getting uncomfortably close. Her breath stunk of alcohol. How the school administration hadn't yet fired her was unknown to me.
"Hoshinomiya-sensei, have you been having too much alcohol?"
"Call me Chie-chan!" she demanded, striking her heel on the floor. The sound traveled up and down the hallway. I didn't want her making a fuss, so it was probably better to obey her orders.
"I can call you Chie-sensei if you wish."
She pouted, her bottom lip protruding slightly. "Ahh mou~ I guess that's fine. You only call your girlfriend by her first name with -chan, right, Ayanokōji-kun?"
"I don't have a girlfriend."
"Really?" she peered around to look at me, her eyes displaying a mixture of shock and surprise. "Really? You aren't lying, right? That's super surprising! I'm right here, you know?"
However, before I could respond, she interjected again. "I would have totally fallen for you if you were in my class. It's not that hard to transfer, you know?" she teased.
"I would, but you see, there's just too many friends in my class."
Hoshinomiya tapped her slender finger on her chin. "I see, I see. You're a very popular vice president, Kiyotaka-kun. But you can still be friends with them while in my class! Unless…" she narrowed her eyes, "Are you interested in someone from your class?"
"That's not true at all, Chie-sensei."
She pouted again. "Kiyotaka-kun, your poker face is really unfair. Then, who are you interested in? Besides me, of course."
"I don't know."
"Ahh mou, stop giving me boring answers! Wait…" she eyed me warily. "Could it be that my very own Honami-chan is up for grabs? She's your secretary on the Student Council!
"Who knows?"
Chie-sensei frantically scrutinized my face, but she couldn't find any hint of deceit or truth in it. She groaned dramatically.
"If you're gonna steal Honami-chan from me, at least join our class."
"Sorry, I would love to, but Sae-chan-sensei won't let me." I pushed myself off Hoshinomiya, who still seemed to be in shock.
"Well, see you later, Chie-sensei."
"…eh? Chan?! You call Sae-chan 'chan?' Hey, wait! Come back now, Kiyotaka-kun!"
-o-o-o-
When the Student Council meeting ended for the day, I left the members to their own devices. These days, I found myself spending a lot of time at karaoke clubs, cafes, or the mall. Whether it was with Chiaki, Satō, Ichinose, Kushida, or any combination of the three, or even Sudō, Sotomura, and Okitani, I was often socializing and interacting with other people. Sudō and I spent time together at the gym and on the basketball court, whereas Sotomura introduced me to various types of electronics or anime and manga.
Through having conversations with these people, I began to understand their wishes. Sotomura, for example, wished to study technology but also had an intense love for anime and manga. Sudō wanted to become a pro basketball player, but he was a little rough around the edges. Satō was an aspiring fashion designer.
If I hadn't built a social circle, I doubted that I would have people to call friends, even now. I might be like Horikita, a lone wolf without friends. I didn't know if Horikita preferred it that way, but my feelings would be hurt if I had no one to call friend.
Fūka was often a lurking presence, insisting that I do something exciting. There was nothing in my plans at the current moment, so we would have chess matches or arm wrestling, along with other mini-games. She claimed that it was to test my skill, but I didn't see the correlation, really. I didn't get it. Maybe she just liked spending time with me?
Despite this sentiment, if she decided to intrude on an operation, such as Kushida's, I wouldn't hesitate to expel her. I had already come up with eleven different ways to do so.
The entire time I was reminiscing on the past few weeks at this school, I noticed a presence following me. They had started from the Student Council room.
I ducked into a nearby alleyway, waiting for the person to emerge.
"It seems like I was caught," the girl admitted as she appeared.
"Tachibana-senpai. What are you doing here?"
"Well, I'm organizing a surprise birthday party for Horikita-kun," she said. The purple-haired Loli-senpai leaned against the wall. "You're invited."
"This is a pretty convoluted way to ask me. You could have just sent me an invitation."
Loli-senpai became flustered. She pushed herself off the wall and marched up to me, flustered. "D-Don't be so disrespectful, Kōhai-kun!"
"Ahem," she cleared her throat, turning away from me. "Anyway, I had to follow you out of the student council room because I don't have your contact information. If I asked Horikita-kun for your contact information, he might get suspicious."
Tachibana didn't engage in conversations with me frequently, so Horikita might indeed become wary if she was asking for my contact information.
"I see."
"So, are you coming or not?" she demanded.
"First of all, you could tell me where it is and what time it's being held. Then, maybe after obtaining that unnecessary information, I can answer you."
"S-Stop being a flippant kōhai," she coughed into her fist. "It'll be in his dorm room on Friday at 5 PM. It's a surprise birthday party, remember?"
"So you have access to his dorm room keys?" I raised an eyebrow. "I wonder what are you two doing in there?"
Tachibana jumped back, her face the color of red paint. "W-Well, it's just for, like, Student Council tasks and stuff," she stuttered, "Horikita-kun allowed me to make a copy of his room key, so it's totally legal and we don't do weird stuff in there—"
"Hai, hai, I get it," I waved her off. "But you have access to his room and are always so close to him on the Student Council while planning a surprise birthday party, but you're not on a first-name basis with Manabu?"
My accusation left Tachibana stumbling, literally. She flew backward like my question had physically stunned her. "Shut up! Bad kōhai-kun!" She pointed at me like I was a monster, one hand holding onto the wall. "And since when did you have the right to call Horikita-kun by his first name?"
"I've always had it. I'm exceptional."
"Hmph." Tachibana crossed her arms over her non-existent chest. "Shut up!"
"Okay."
"Also, you're only invited because you're close with Horikita-kun, that's it. I don't like you, not one bit!" Loli-senpai scurried out of the alley.
Wow. Not even a cursory goodbye. Loli-senpai really didn't like me.
I waited for a few minutes until after she left the alley to come out. But when I did so, I bumped into Ichinose, along with a few of her friends from Class B.
"Oh hey, Ayanokōji-kun! What are you doing here?"
"I just had a talk with Tachibana-senpai."
"Well, since you're already here, why don't we go shopping together?"
-o-o-o-
The afternoon unfolded with a serene tranquility, painted in hues of soft blue and cotton-white clouds floating and drifting lazily across the sky. The ambiance was a stark contrast to the tension simmering beneath the surface, waiting to bubble up and disrupt the calm. While students scattered across the campus, indulging in their lunches or fleeting moments of respite, we, the faculty members, sought solace in our brief reprieve from the day's duties. Just like my usual routine, I didn't return to the faculty room to eat, but rather, to a different area of this familiar campus.
However, I would not be granted refuge today.
"Heyy~ Sae-chan, what're you eating?" Hoshinomiya ambled up to me and sat down beside me on the bench uninvited. The casual air of familiarity that surrounded her belied the animosity that she directed toward me. Recently, she had begun leaving me alone, but I didn't know what possessed her to come back and sit down with me.
"A store-bought bento."
"That's incredibly tasteful, isn't it? Kind of like your class?"
Every word that came out of her mouth was coated in a veneer of sarcasm. It was always like this when the two of us were alone. She couldn't get over what had happened over a decade ago. Even if her class reached Class A, I doubted that she could get over it.
"My class is remarkable, I suppose."
"Because of Ayanokōji-kun?" She cut straight to the issue. "The first Class D student in history to be vice president on the Student Council, within one month nonetheless. Incredible, right, Sae-chan?"
Ayanokōji had caught my fellow teacher's attention. A student with a blank profile sheet might have been able to pass for an ordinary student if he hadn't done anything outstanding, but the matter of joining the Student Council had flipped the tables entirely.
"I suppose it is. Ayanokōji-kun, among others." Class D had Ayanokōji, Matsushita, Okitani, Hirata, Horikita, and Kōenji if he decided to participate.
"You know, he is really friendly with you, isn't he? I mean he even called you 'Sae-chan-sensei' in front of me! Are you sure you aren't involved with him? Looking to be dominated by a younger man, are we?"
Ayanokōji was a flippant boy, but I hadn't forgotten the chilling way he had gazed at me during our private meeting. I hadn't forgotten his metaphorical, vice-like grip around my throat. I was under his control, leashed to his desires and whims. Perhaps I was unstable and demented, but I didn't find his control displeasing.
Anything for Class A.
"I'm not involved with him," I denied firmly. Hoshinomiya always had a knack for reading people. If I didn't deny her with a measured tone, who knew what she might do?
"Whatever you say~"
I knew Hoshinomiya the best. She preferred to cloak her hatred in undertones, allowing it to simmer beneath the surface, subtle yet palpable, while presenting a facade of friendliness. That facade reminded me of a certain student in my class.
Hoshinomiya's amicable mask was her modus operandi, the very essence of her interactions. To an extent, I preferred it that way, too. But an eye was required for an eye.
To get rid of her undercurrent of animosity, I would bring it to the front and make it blatant. The very thing that she disliked.
"You still can't get over what happened years ago."
Hoshinomiya's blue eyes hardened; however, her smile was still plastered on her face. "My feelings are understandable. After all, you're the one who stole my future and happiness."
Her response was as I had expected—sharp and biting, laced with the bitterness of past regrets and unfulfilled dreams. I sucked in a stifled breath, but I was sure Hoshinomiya noticed it, too.
"You can't get over it, either," she said quietly, a resigned acceptance of the history between us.
Had I made a fatal mistake by bringing the issue to the forefront? Complex emotions swirled inside of my old friend's eyes. Hatred, longing, regrets, and buried beneath them all, a lingering hint of sympathy. But it was hidden as quickly as I thought I had discovered it, and it left me wondering if I had seen it at all.
But she was right. I couldn't get over it.
"I protected the man I loved. Due to that, I lost my youth, my best friend, and my future."
She regarded me. "You have no one to blame for that but yourself."
The truth didn't sting as it used to, but it remained powerful nonetheless. However, Hoshinomiya did not say it with a hint of animosity; rather, she simply stated it as a fact.
"You were really stupid," she remarked.
"I'm surprised. You're not as angry as you're supposed to be."
"I'm just tired and hungover," she waved me off. "I'll be back to normal soon."
"I see."
I thought she might cease after that, but she continued. "Year after year, you're the one gifted with defective, superior students."
You could say that the words 'defective' and 'superior' did not belong side by side, but that was not true for this school. Being assigned Class D was a blessing and a curse in and of itself. This was clear in this year's class. Some of the top defective products had the potential to be changed into students worthy of Class A: Ayanokōji, Kōenji, Horikita, Matsushita, Okitani, Hirata, and Kushida, just to name a few.
"Even though I'm the homeroom teacher of Class B, it always feels like I can't do anything to catch up to Class A," she lamented. "Last year we had it for a single month in the second year and then lost it. Though you're the lucky one this time around, right, Sae-chan?"
Although Class B was typically fundamentally sound, they seldom had a leader who could dominate or lead them to complete victory. It happened last year for the first time, that being Nagumo, but Hoshinomiya was not the homeroom teacher of that class.
"I suppose."
When she realized she couldn't get anything else out of me, whether it be about the past or about the future, she ceased her questions.
A silence occurred, punctuated only by the soft rustle of leaves in the gentle breeze and the occasional murmur of distant conversation drifting in the air. We both began eating our bentos on our laps, but she did not do so much as to spare me a glance. Her attention was solely focused on her bento as she picked at the food with absent-minded detachment. A temporary truce had passed between us.
This moment wasn't like those old days. Both Hoshinomiya and I perceived the tangible and intangible changes in each other. Our relationship dynamic had shifted dramatically from that time. I doubted it would ever be the same again.
But I was still glad for this moment of reprieve.
After this, we would return to being homeroom teachers of different classes—we would return to being enemies.
-o-o-o-
I received a few odd looks as I entered the third-year dormitory building. Since I was a first-year, it was natural for them to cast strange looks at me. Not many of them recognized me as a vice president of the Student Council simply because the Student Council hadn't organized any significant event where we appeared yet.
Luckily, there was a clear group of people waiting in the lobby off to the side. Tachibana saw me and waved at me, her previous displeasure with me having disappeared entirely.
"Hey, Ayanokōji-kun! Everyone, this is Ayanokōji Kiyotaka-kun, a vice president of the Student Council." Loli-senpai introduced me to her classmates in Class 3-A; they highlighted her short stature. There were about five people carrying various birthday supplies, and it seemed like no one else was coming. Tachibana probably wanted to exclusively invite students who were close to Manabu, which was why this was a small occasion. However, I didn't see Nagumo here, which was strange. Had Tachibana deliberately made the choice not to invite Nagumo?
"Ayanokōji-kun, from Class 1-D, right?" The blonde-haired girl, who introduced herself as Adachi Aoi, asked me. I remembered her from the Class Dispute trial between Class 2-A and Class 3-A that Nagumo and Manabu had put forth.
"Yes."
"Horikita-kun has mentioned a lot about you to us."
"All good things, I hope."
"Ha ha," Adachi laughed a bit. "Mostly good things. Horikita-kun isn't the super talkative type, as you can probably guess."
"I see."
"So, how are you finding the school so far?" she leaned her back against the elevator wall as we entered.
"It's an interesting school, definitely. The independence is off the charts."
"Yeah," she smiled bittersweetly. "It's kind of nostalgic for us third-years to look at. Of course, in this school, we can't afford to have senioritis or anything of that sort."
"Senioritis?"
"Yeah. You don't know what that is?" she cocked her head, surprised. The others in the elevator perked their heads up at that as well.
"No, I don't."
"…I see. It's kind of like a made-up disease that causes you to lose motivation in the final year of high school," she summarized. "I haven't seen anyone with it here because, well, I mean," she began stumbling. Someone nudged her shoulder. "We have to prepare for university tests, obviously."
She was stumbling because she didn't want to accidentally reveal the S-System and the Class A privilege. The date was April 24th, so the first-years continued to be unaware of the points system. However, telling her that I already knew about the S-System would pose more questions than answers.
"Have you thought of where you're going to university?" I opted to ask instead.
The blonde-haired girl shrugged. She openly named a few universities that she was applying to. From my limited knowledge about university, they all seemed hard to get into.
"Aoi-chan, that's amazing! Those are all really prestigious universities!" Tachibana applauded her.
"They're hard to get into. I'd be lucky to get even one, but I'm confident I can pass the common test with high enough marks."
In other words, she wasn't planning on using the Class A privilege. It was probably better used for a job rather than university. She was confident in using her own merit to pass the entrance exam. The Class A privilege would only be for insurance.
"What about you, Ayanokōji-kun?"
The dictator Manabu lived on the tenth floor, and the elevator soon made a stop at that floor.
"I mean, I just got here." The group laughed, even though I was only half joking. "Knock it off, asking a freshman that question!" someone scolded good-naturedly.
Smiling, Adachi shook her head in embarrassment. Once we arrived at Manabu's room, which was marked 10-20, we found that the room was already unlocked.
"Nagumo, are the preparations ready?" The student council vice president had been left in the room with many other celebratory devices, including confetti cannons, among others. So he had been invited by Tachibana, after all.
"They will be soon," the blond-haired boy responded. He gave the group a quick glance, his eyes lingering on me briefly before he turned his gaze back to Tachibana. "Horikita-senpai is a punctual man, after all, so he'll likely be here at 5:50 instead of the appointed 6."
"That means we still have time!"
"I mean, we were supposed to have time. You called us here at 5," Nagumo remarked.
"I agree."
Loli-senpai raised her right fist, shaking it angrily. "Shut up, insolent kōhai-kuns!"
Tachibana swiftly turned to us and began dishing out orders like she was a natural. Some of us were to hang up birthday banners, others to set up the birthday cake on the dining table, et cetera.
"Insolent kōhai from year one," she pointed at me with a threatening finger, "You work with insolent kōhai from year two," Nagumo offered her a mocking smile, "To set up the birthday cake."
Working with Nagumo, the time passed by quickly. We chatted about trivial things, such as student life and he probed me about what I thought about the school.
"Ayanokōji."
"What is it, Nagumo?" I stopped my actions for a moment, mirroring him. He didn't seem to care about my lack of honorifics.
The blond-haired boy turned as if to say something, and then shook his head gently. He looked back at me. In that brief second, our gazes met, and it felt like we could see through each other, just as how eyes were said to be the windows to the soul. The chattering background noise of the others preparing for the party faded away.
In those blue eyes, I glimpsed pride, ego, ambition, and strength, among many others.
"I hope you will achieve great things, Ayanokōji."
"Horikita. Nagumo. Ayanokōji. These names will be engraved in marble for future generations of students at this school."."
Surprisingly, as Tachibana-senpai predicted, Manabu walked in at precisely 5:50 PM. A slight widening of his eyes indicated his surprise, even as he greeted everyone.
"Kiyotaka, Nagumo."
Nagumo's smile became strained. Perhaps it was at the use of his surname compared to my given name, or perhaps it was his placement as the second to be addressed, behind me. Either way, we seated Manabu in front of his birthday cake. After igniting the candles, Tachibana had someone else turn off the lights. The orange lights gave his face a certain glow and cast a happy atmosphere among all of us in the room.
But, as we sang "Happy Birthday" to Manabu, and he smiled warmly with a certain look in his eyes…
A complex look of gratitude and happiness, coupled with nostalgia. The experiences that he had undergone at this school must have left an indelible mark on him, shaping him into the person he was today.
Standing amidst the celebration, surrounded by laughter and camaraderie, a thought struck me that I would never feel that emotion. The idea took hold of my mind like a suffocating fog. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't muster even the slightest flicker of veritable emotion. It was a stark reminder of my own inadequacy.
This was one thing that I could never excel at.
I wasn't sad or happy at the realization. I couldn't be.
Watching Manabu right now, no emotion stirred in me. I desperately clutched at my chest, at my stomach, but nothing came. Not an inkling of feeling.
But this wasn't surprising.
Up until now, I had only been copying an average high school boy's mindset. Someone interested in popularity and in talking with girls, or perhaps interested in getting good grades, or being good at sports. Yes, a high school boy should have been over the moon at interacting with cute girls and becoming popular as the vice president of the Student Council.
I could imagine it vividly in my mind: the warmth that welled up in the chest at the pride of being the center of attention, the guilt of assaulting and threatening another student and a teacher, the racing pulse and hyper-awareness of the body consumed by affection for another, the primal desire of being alone with a girl in a room, the joy in being excellent at something—academics, basketball, chess, weightlifting, sparring…
But, naturally, that was only my mind's own, innate artistry.
In reality, I had none of that.
I had entered this school seeking new experiences, and I had succeeded. Attending this school, interacting with cute girls, and hanging out with friends were new experiences. Simply viewing the cloudy blue sky or the feeling of a light breeze on my face was something entirely novel to me.
But despite these new experiences, a yearning stirred within me—a yearning to understand what it meant to feel. I longed to experience the full spectrum of human emotion—to smile in happiness, to laugh in jubilation, to tremble in fear, to cry in sorrow, to grit my teeth in raw anger.
There was a part of me that wished for that to happen, and another part that realized it was impossible.
I had discarded those emotions a long time ago. I had pushed them to the back of my mind, killing them, leaving them to fragment little by little, until they decayed completely.
Of course, I didn't regret doing that. It had been necessary to survive in the White Room. It had been necessary to do that in order to win.
Whether it be in this world, or that one… winning was everything.
However, due to the sacrifice I made, this was what I became.
I was acutely aware that I was nothing but a hollow imitation—a fraud masquerading as something I could never truly be. That was the harsh truth.
I was a defective human being.
-o-o-o-
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Next Chapter: August 16th
-thann