Hizashi didn't know what was worse; romantic tension or sexual tension. In his life, he'd felt plenty of both once he'd come of age. He'd spent many years doing as he wished, when he wished, and how he did. He'd been a very sexual person. A true hopeless romantic as his sister would call it. He didn't have a laundry list of partners, but he'd been no stranger to the idea of a one-night stand. He'd never been afraid to take someone to his bed. To his home.
And there had never been hesitation when it came to hook ups in the backseat of his car. He'd had an active sexual life as well as an active romantic life. Something that, while chaotic, had been something he looked back on. He always figured it was his fault his relationships were so short lived. If it was his fault, but was it? There had been reasons for breakups that he'd accepted with a grain of salt. At the end of the day there were reasons on both sides.
Dissatisfaction with his ex girlfriends and his ex boyfriends. There had been discourse over him not having the "right parts" or about him having to use a strap. That it wasn't the "real deal" which made him somewhat happy to end the relationships as they came along. But it was truly saying something when his longest relationship had been with a man who was twenty-years his senior. He had not a clue what he was thinking back then but he'd found he didn't quite regret it.
But it was this sexual prowess of his, the lovers and his exes, that allowed him to have a good grasp on that sexual tension and that romantic tension. He knew what they both felt like. He knew what it was like to brushing up close to another person with eyes on him. When they lingered over his face. His lips. When hands were brushing together with hips angling forward and lashes fluttering. The eye contact that always had him simmering. The way lips were bit at.
Hands toying with hair. The casual hand touches and arm touches. He knew the crackling heat of that sexual tension. He knew how it ran over his skin leaving goosebumps behind in its wake while he twisted himself closer. When he was so close he could feel the warmth of the other person radiating onto him with lashes fluttering downwards into that half-lidded bedroom expression. How lips parted with breaths hitching and trembling before it was inevitable that he would find himself drowning.
That he found himself wrapped in a passionate embrace with lips crushing themselves to his. He knew what it felt like to be desired. To be lusted after. He knew exactly how and when to act upon that tension. Sexual tension, he found, was a wildfire. It was a dry bush and a lit match that burst to life with enough fuel fed into it. It was something that was reciprocated on both sides that left them desperate. A situation that flamed and burned with the tension to drive him insane.
A tension that often led him to burying himself between his partners thighs for the night. With himself often enough in the back of his car with a one night stand ready to give him exactly what he wanted and how he wanted it. How many times had he been in that situation? How many times had he jumped on the smallest spark of sexual tension? Too many times. Far too many times. Sexual tension was a wild fire of passion, desire, and lust.
It was a blur of groping hands and desperate lips against his when it finally broke them. Tongues that pushed their way past his teeth and hands on his hips. It was fed when he was crowded against the side of his car with hands sneaking beneath his clothing. It was throwing himself into the backseat of his car with the desperation to have something for the night. Someone. It was always a relief when that tension would be broken.
Always a relief when he could act upon the feelings that he felt bubbling in his chest wildly like a boiling pot. To fed into it, to break under it, was a relief like nothing else. It had always felt like he was getting something out of the way. Settling something within him. If anything, he likes feeding into the sexual tension; to feel it bubbling outwards like a bubble until it popped. When hands were tugging him to the bathroom or tugging him to the back seat of his car.
To his then apartment before he'd been given the down deposit on a house. There was nothing he loved than being able to dance, grind, and kiss to his hearts content back then. To play with that sexual tension by adding kindling until he felt like he was going to rip his hair out from the mounting tension. It was honestly the most amazing thing in his life when he'd had that freedom. When he'd been able to act upon it without thinking twice. It was effortless with his then partners.
When the night ended with that tension popping like a soap bubble at the gentleness of their fingers. He may not have had many long standing relationships due to his partners breaking it off but he knew his way around sexual tension. He knew his way around the heat that would flash over his skin or when his hands itched to touch the person before him. There was nothing he understood better in his life than the sexual tension between himself and another person.
Perhaps all of his one-night-stands made him a bit of a slut. Maybe they made him a bit of a whore to chase after pleasure that only lasted a night. That only lasted until the morning light was spilling across his bed where he'd wake alone with a note of someone's phone number on his pillow. A call that he'd never get back. He was religious about his STD panels. Especially back when he'd been so sexually active. When he was acting on the sexual tension with strangers.
It was something that he agreed that he needed to be vigilant. Something he needed to be kept up to date on to make sure he never caught anything. To make sure that he was healthy despite his consistent sex life back then. Something that he remained vigilant in. He was never happier than when he'd been handed Hitoshi who was just on that cusp of three years old that it caused him to stop. To stop his wild, partying behavior and his black out nights of alcohol.
Nights where he'd either wake up in his bed or couch. Nights where he sometimes woke in a strangers embrace in their bed or something of the sort. And maybe that made Hitoshi a blessing. Maybe that made him an actual gift, a talisman against that reckless behavior of his. After all, how much longer could he have gone on acting on that sexual nature of his? How long would it have been before he caught some kind of STD?
If he couldn't get better for himself, if he couldn't stop himself for himself, then he'd make himself better for the little child in his arms. The child who stared up at him with wide purple eyes like he hung the stars and moon when they stood in the kitchen. Swaying while he cooed whatever lullaby he could pull out of his ass to the small child. He didn't know when he'd gone from getting better for Hitoshi to getting better for himself.
But he couldn't deny that, while embarrassing, he didn't feel any shame for his past. He'd been overly sexual, perhaps, and he'd fed into one too many times of sexual tension with his one night stands. With his boyfriends and girlfriends. But that was the easy part; sexual tension. Understanding it, breathing it, and trying his best to control it only to find that it was impossible. It was a wildfire that twisted and arched against his best judgement and refused to be controlled.
He'd always acted upon it; the second he felt there was a hint of that sexual tension between himself and another which often led to his romps. And maybe that made him a slut. Maybe he was in the wrong for acting upon those bodily desires of his but he didn't think so. Sex was natural, right? It was only expected that sooner or later he'd want partners. And he did. He had his three ex-boyfriends and two ex-girlfriends along with a bit of one-night stands after each breakup.
He didn't want to shame himself, but he had truly been spiraling, hadn't he? Somewhat, at least. And he was absolutely sure, when he looked back on it, that he'd acted enough times on that desire to know that someday he'd be ashamed. That someday he'd have to be open about his sexual past. But he knew that when it came down to it that he'd find some way to bring it up. To explain the chemistry and sexual tension he'd experienced ever so effortlessly back then.
A time where he had been technically "running wild". And then, of course, the opposite of sexual tension being the unbearable romantic tension. He'd be happy if he could say he'd gone his whole life without feeling it. That he could be happy in his contentment that he'd never felt it a day in his life, but it'd be an ugly lie. Oh, he was no stranger to it. No stranger to the desires that came that weren't based on sex. The desires to touch someone's hand, to crush himself to their sides, and to toy with their hair.
The desire to go on a day long date left him exhausted as he was left on his front doorstep. The craving for romance whether it was to go to a dimly lit restaurant and a drive at night, so long as he got to hold onto their hand. The idea of being caught up in the rain and kissing them as he was spun on his feet. Dipped in their arms as lips moved against his. The desire to be close to someone intimately without the need of sex.
Romantic tension, he found, was heavier than the burning wildfire of sexual tension. Romance was a desire of any human. It was a desire to get to know someone. To relish in the little dates and all the romantic pulls; the arm around shoulders or waist. The hand holding. Sweet kisses on flushed cheeks or smiling lips meeting together in kisses that made his toes curl. There was an intimacy to sexual tension but the intimacy of romantic tension? Oh, it could go unrivaled.
It weighed heavily and ran under his skin like a livewire; tingling under it in a maddening, never ending circuit. There was a delight in feeling it mounting the closer he got to someone. The more he got to know someone. How it swelled under his skin as he admired the way hair was toyed with or hands fidgeted together. His ex's were people he'd acted upon instinctively, but it didn't stop that romantic tension from mounting. Didn't stop it from being one of the bases of their relationships.
He'd even thought his first boyfriend would last longer but alas they'd ended on a sour note. It was surprising how two ex-boyfriends and two ex-girlfriends would lead him to the arms of his oldest ex-boyfriend. While that boyfriend had been well into his late thirties or early forties, the romantic tension had been absolutely crazy. While he did see it was somewhat of a sugar baby and sugar daddy situation, there was still a tension there.
Something that had mounted and grown effortlessly between him and his ex. It had stung horribly when he broke things off after taking in Hitoshi; it had been his longest relationship. Two years going on three with that man. He'd not experienced that tension since then. If anything, he liked to believe he could go the rest of his life without feeling it. Without feeling that bubbling, spreading tension that left him fumbling and red faced. A tension that grew like a bubble waiting to pop.
But there was so much about romance that he could like it. Like the butterflies that always came for him viciously when he was in the proximity of a crush. How wrapped up he got thinking about someone constantly to the point that he felt he was going to go mad. How warm another person could be when he gave hugs that began to last longer. How he leaned in with the hope of getting a touch, a caress or a nudge.
Being next to someone who would lean into his side with the silent order for him to wrap his arm around them. Hugs that would last a moment too long with arms squeezing him tightly as he lost himself in the warmth of a hug. How his voice changed and deepened; cracking slightly much like said crushes would. There was so much romantic tension that he could adore. That made him feel alive. Especially when all of it came together for a cocktail of sensations.
A wild array of every little sign of romantic tension that left his stomach fluttering and his heart jumping out of his chest. When those looks of desire were aimed his way, leaving him absolutely weak kneed. When he was looked at with such desire that it left little to his imagination just what the other person wanted from him. When he knew that he wasn't the only one that felt the romantic tension that could be cut with a knife. There was something so nice in knowing that he was wanted.
That he was desired. Something so nice in knowing that those feelings were reciprocated effortlessly much to his delight. While it had definitely driven him mad in the past there was still something so nice about it. About knowing that the romantic tension didn't go unnoticed. While it was hard to admit to it, he knew that more than anything that it was one of the strongest driving forces. Especially with his elder boyfriend; oh, he swore there were genuine feelings.
Knew there had been. But it felt like something more convenient for the both of them; the elder got to spend money on him and sex wasn't awful. And of course, he couldn't keep that train going any longer once he'd been given custody of Hitoshi. He didn't like to think of it or place blame on his son, but his romantic life had come to a halt when he first gained custody of Hitoshi. After all, he couldn't go out. He couldn't exactly meet other prospective relationships with a toddler.
And he couldn't bring anyone home. What would he do if Hitoshi were to start crying? When he had broken up with his older boyfriend, it had been with a note of regret. A note that had stung his heart but he knew that for the first time at least he had some type of control. That he had taken the initiative to end the relationship on his terms. Of course, his then boyfriend had tried to convince him that they could raise Hitoshi together but by that point it was for naught.
He'd begun to realize how wrong he felt taking advantage of this older man. How awful he felt knowing that he was so much younger and the man so much older than him. It hadn't been right since the beginning. Of course, after ending things with the man, he decided to better himself. He stopped drinking as heavily, stopped going out, and dedicated his time and love on his son who needed him. When he adopted Hitoshi officially by his fourth birthday, there was definitely a cold period in his life.
He couldn't remember the last time he felt wanted. Needed. He'd not felt that sexual tension or that romantic tension with another person in God knows how long but he had tried to ignore it. He'd tried his best to continue pouring his time and adoration into his young son who adored him so open heartedly. Something that had been made clear when he stood before the judge and had the adoption papers signed. Once Hitoshi was his, he'd never felt a greater joy.
Sure, he was far too young at the age of his back then to be adopting a child but he took Hitoshi in with delight. He was a father at such a young age, but he'd found he didn't mind saying goodbye to his partying ways. He didn't mind not bringing home faceless men and women into his bed. Into his home where they'd leave him long before the sun rose. The few that stuck around always enjoyed a brunch with him before going their parting ways.
He'd seen the bitterness of single parents unable to bring partners home due to children, but he'd dare say he was hardly bitter. If anything, he'd forgotten his wild ways and had content himself to being a good father for Hitoshi. On doing this right the best way that he knew how. And God knows he had adored watching Hitoshi grow from a small toddler to an active child. To have those small hands reaching for him?
To see the sparkle in those purple eyes as he heaved his child into his arms? How those little hands tapped his cheeks and trace his freckles? How Hitoshi cuddled up to him? There was nothing better than those warm moments of his. When he got to squeeze him close as he laughed wildly or when he was being swung around the room then slammed onto the couch where he bounced. Screaming with delight. However, he knew the truth that laid buried in his chest.
A truth that he'd been doing his best to ignore. His best to shove down but he couldn't do it anymore. He missed his dating life. He missed the one night stands but he'd known from the beginning there was nothing he would trade Hitoshi for. Hitoshi was his. His son that he hadn't known he'd been wanting. If anything, taking Hitoshi and adopting him opened his eyes to how unhappy he'd been in his early twenties. How discontented he'd felt after his relationship ended.
How he felt sleeping with whatever random person would humor him. It wasn't healthy for him. And yet now, he was in a dilemma. He was in a situation that he swore he'd not been in for years now. Staring up at his ceiling as his phone softly played music next to him. His hands lightly drummed on his stomach when he kicked his feet lightly as they dangled over the edge of the bed. A dilemma, huh? Is that what he was going to call it now?
He dragged his teeth over his bottom lip with his head pressing back into the bed with a sigh through his nose. It'd been a long time since he'd felt that sexual tension, that romantic tension, but he was no idiot. He knew that both were crackling with energy each time he had a moment alone with Shouta. It crackled over the phone. Through their light, mild flirting through text. It was right there unable to be denied even if he wanted to.
When was the last time he'd felt both romantic tension and a mounting sexual tension at once? When was the last time he wanted to swoon in someone's arms and to be fucked into the bed? When's the last time he wanted to be taken out on a date night that he wished never ended? When was the last time he longed to be in someone's embrace? It's been a while. Years. He'd been so wrapped up in Hitoshi and then Izuku that dating never seemed to rear its head.
Until August when he began thinking about his past lovers. Really trying to piece together how long it had been since he'd had one. That was the catalyst, wasn't it? Thinking it? Was it considered manifesting that he thought about it only to have Shouta enter his life the same day? It had him sighing out again with his teeth dragging over his bottom lip with his lashes resting on his cheeks as he shut his eyes. God, there's nothing he wants more than to be done with this.
To be rid of the sexual tension. The romantic tension. With New Years Eve being tomorrow, he knew his deadline was coming up. He'd sworn that he was going to confess to Shouta in the new year. That he was going to say something rather than pine a moment longer. Rolling over onto his side, then to his stomach, he buried his face into the blankets. Thank God Nemuri and Oboro offered to take the boys for the night.
After his drunken night with Nemuri and Oboro, he'd promised the couple that this wouldn't last much longer. He swore that it wouldn't. He'd been hung over, but his heart had been heavy in his chest with flutters that threatened to make him breathless. He promised. And while Nemuri and Oboro didn't push him very often they made it all too clear over brunch how worried they were about him. About what this was doing to him negatively.
It had been nice spending the night getting wine drunk with both of his friends, but he knew that didn't erase the worry. It wouldn't erase the critical eye that Oboro or Nemuri would keep on him. He had to be thankful that they took the boys for tonight to do sparklers at their home. Something he promised they could do here as soon as possible. And yet it had him anxious at the thought of saying so. At the thought of confessing to Shouta.
He'd sworn he'd read the room enough times to know that the black-haired man was into him. After all, the way he pinned him to the counter when he'd held Eri in his arms? The brushes along his cheek and jaw? How he took his time tucking his hair behind his ear? That kiss they'd shared before Shouta had jumped away? The way that those dark eyes lingered on his with hugs lasting longer than normal. The butterflies he felt in his stomach when he was close to the black-haired man.
Could Shouta say that he was into him? Could Shouta read the room as well and piece together the feelings that he had for him? Or would it blindside the black-haired man? Would he be left floundering trying to come up with an answer on the spot that would hurt them both? What did he do with himself if that were the case? What did he do if he found out that Shouta in fact didn't feel the same? If all those touches, all these hugs and lingering gazes meant nothing?
That they were nothing but strictly platonic. What if Shouta said that? What if he was rejected under the pretense that Shouta believed they were best friends? Sighing out to himself, he pushed himself over to flop onto his back again. Listening to the soft music playing from his phone when he opened his eyes again. Pushing himself up into a sitting position, his hair spilling down his back comfortably, when he slid his hands over his thighs.
He didn't understand why he was still letting himself be hesitant. Letting himself be afraid. Why was he so scared? The worst that could happen is- what? Shouta rejects him? They stop being friends for a while? It had him wanting to groan lowly in his throat when he pushed himself off of the bed with a quiet sigh to himself as his feet hit the floor. Regardless, he was going to confess to this man if it kills him. He was going to spend one final New Years Eve throwing a dinner party for himself and his friends.
It would mark the ending of his friendship with Shouta. It put a lump in his throat. A big, fat lump that had his eyes stinging when he took a trembling breath as he rubbed his hands over his thighs once more. Tugging at the hem of his sweater to get it to rest comfortably over his waist. He took a trembling breath that only made that lump worse in his throat. One more night. One more night of being the best of friends together before he ultimately put everything on the line for himself and the black-haired man.
It had him swallowing as he tried to get that lump of emotion out of his throat the best that he could. It might not be the end. After all, so long as he did it within January, he'd be fine. If Shouta needed time away from him after his confession, then he would understand. He'd understand perfectly why Shouta wanted space between them. After all, if he was wrong and he had been misunderstanding this whole time he'd understand the need for space.
But he wasn't misunderstanding, was he? He hadn't been misunderstanding when their hugs became longer. When the butterflies in his stomach became larger. When those dark eyes lingered on his. When fingers were skimming down his cheek to touch his lips. To touch his jaw. There was no misunderstanding the way that Shouta seemed to lean in when they were talking. Or how those lips parted with that quiet desire. Or how the black-haired man spoke to him sometimes with an extra huskiness to his voice.
Something that sent shivers racing down his back at the sound of. The way his hand was taken so effortlessly, without thinking, by Shouta. None of that can be imagined now, can it? None of it was made up by his romance starved brain, could it? No. No, it couldn't. He knew for a fact that there was no way that he imagined all of it. He was a bit silly, a bit naïve, but he swore that he'd never mistake this. How could he? It'd been going on for months and he needed to face the truth sooner rather than later.
After all, Nemuri and even Taishiro's words held truth to them when they'd asked how he'd feel if Shouta got with someone else. He'd feel awful. Heartbroken. So why should he prolong this any longer? Why should he hold his tongue any longer when he knew how he felt? There was nothing he wanted more than to be with Shouta so why did he hesitate? Why not take what he possibly wanted? Why not lay it all bare for Shouta who, possibly, could feel the same way for him?
What if they were both crushing but afraid of taking that step forward? Weaving his feet, he moved to step forward as he sighed out. He might as well get started on the laundry. With the boys sleeping over Nemuri's for an additional night while he came home to make sure all was right with the cats. The boys had been absolutely delighted to spend another night with the couple. He might as well get started on the few baskets of laundry he had waiting in the living room.
Groaning quietly at the idea of doing yet another load of clothing was loud over the quiet, tiny music of the phone on his bed. Trudging forward, he reached up beneath his hair to scratch the back of his neck. It felt flushed under his fingers as he made his way forward towards his bedroom doors that hung halfway open. The quiet of the house was unnerving without his sons mischievous giggles to break it up. Tomorrow they'd be coming home but they'd most definitely be in bed before the ball dropped.
They could never stay up late enough to enjoy New Year's Eve with him, but he can only imagine how excited they'll be standing in the snow in their little boots. How their faces would beam as they lit up the sparkers that would steam as the ashes hit the snow. It had him smiling softly to himself as he made his way down the small hallway to the kitchen. At least they could celebrate privately with their honorary aunt and uncle. Their godparents.
He made his way into the kitchen, his socked feet thudding over the floor when he slid over the tiles then used the doorframe to swing himself into the hallway. Making his way down it with the thud of his feet filling the quiet of the home but it didn't begin to compare to the thud of Hitoshi and Izuku's feet on the stairs. The sound of their laughter and giggles filling the rooms they played in. The sound of their tv show playing on the living room TV that they shouted along with.
Tomorrow they'd be home, and he couldn't wait to spend the day in the snow with them. To ring in the new year with two excitable sons of his was all he ever wanted. Making his way down the front hallway, he used the doorframe to swing himself into the living room. Glancing forward where the baskets of laundry, his and the boys, sat waiting to be washed. He might as well get the boys clothing done so they wouldn't have to worry about finding pants and shirts.
The thud of his socked feet over the carpeted floor rang out as he made his way forward to the small door of the utility room of theirs. He reached out to twist the doorknob then to tug open the door then flicked the light on. The soft golden light spilled over him and the floor behind him as he tugged the basket into the room with him. Opening the top of the washer, he glanced in to make sure he didn't have a load in and had forgotten about it.
Finding it empty, he happily began to stuff the boys clothing into the washer. There was something calming about bending then straightening up while making sure not to overwhelm the basin. Not to pack it too tight with clothing. Once half the basket was in the washer, he grabbed for his detergent which he poured a capful in. The scent beads that everyone adored following after it, he shut the top with a clang. He twisted the knobs on the washer before tugging out the right far most knob after twisting it to the warm wash.
Listening to the water gush into the basin, he hummed under his breath then turned to step out of the small room while shutting the light off behind him. He shut the door when there was a chirping meow that grabbed his attention. There Sterling was; standing with her little white paws balanced on the couches arm chair. Wide, light blue eyes staring at him with her nose twitching slightly when she let out another of those chirping meows of her.
He smiled softly when he padded over to the small cat that he scooped into his arms. Her little paws rested on his shoulder as he squeezed her gently into his arms. Sliding his hand down her back, she settled down into his arms when he turned on his feet to walk across the living room. He kissed her small head adoringly before scratching behind her ears gently. Making his way across the living room once more with the cat in his arms purring delightfully.
Holding onto the cat the way he would with a child, he made his way into the front hallway with socked feet nearly slipping over the floor. Minding his steps, he made his way down the hallway to the kitchen once more with the cat in his arms as he hummed softly while she purred in his ear. Her small head nudging his chin with rubs that had him humming softly with the small gray kitten in his arms squirming. Nails popping out briefly to hold onto his shoulder as he made his way into the kitchen once again.
Nuzzling his cheek to the top of her head, he adjusted his hold on her briefly as he made his way towards the small hallway of his. Skimming past the freezer, he made his way down the hallway once again where he caught the sound of two bells chasing after him. Looking over his shoulder, he couldn't help but laugh at the sight of Cappella and Twix running after him with sparkles in their gazes. Making his way down the small hallway to his bedroom doors, he slipped inside with the cats chasing.
He put a pep to his step as he rushed for his bed, but Cappella zoomed forward past him to hop onto it. Walking over his phone that continued to play its soft music as he chuckled. With Sterling tucked in his arms, he padded across the carpeted floor of his bedroom with the cat squirming in his arms. He placed her down on the bed once he approached it then climbed up with Twix hopping up cautiously. Laying out, he welcomed the warmth of Cappella who flopped down with her back to his chest and stomach.
Holding the cat close to him, he showered the top of her small head with kisses that had her erupting into purrs. Twix padded around him to then flop down on the bed against his back where he began to purr. Sterling padded forward then flopped down in front of Cappella. He couldn't help but wonder where Reese was. The poor girl was so skittish he hardly saw her save for meal times. He knew she was coming around, but it was taking time, and he wasn't going to be the one to rush her.
To rush her progress. Even the boys were amazingly sweet with her when she poked her head around to watch them from the top of the cat tree. Scratching gently at Cappella's chest, the calico purred viciously in his arms with an intensity that rumbled her body as he held her close. Kissing the top of her head with Twix stretching behind him briefly before curling up against the small of his back. He reached out to scratch behind Sterling's ears as the smaller cat cuddled up to the elder female.
His head rested at an awkward angle on the bed, but he was happy. When was the last time he took time to lay with the cats? To merely relax while their vibrating purrs rang out? It had him sighing out softly to himself as he squeezed Cappella to his chest with that vibration of her purrs fanning over his chest. God, he loves his cats. He never thought he'd live to see the day when he had four cats, but he loved all four equally, but he had a large soft spot for Cappella.
She was his first girl and the one that truly bonded with him. Twix seemed to be taking to Hitoshi and Sterling seemed particularly sweet to Izuku. Reese was still too hesitant to tell who she would cling onto but there would be time to tell. Curling the calico to his chest, he buried his face into her little head where he nuzzled at her. Loving how she purred ever harder in his arms with a squirm as he kissed the top of her head. God, does he love his cats.
He squeezed Cappella gently then reached out to run his hand over Sterling's side with the small gray cat purred under his palm as he smiled. As much as he missed his boys, he had to admit it was nice having an afternoon to not worry. To not be flying around the house trying to get the laundry done, cook dinner, and have time to lay here with the cats. It would be impossible with Izuku and Hitoshi home. He couldn't wait to pick them up tomorrow.
When their little sleepover with Nemuri and Oboro was over where the couple was no doubt spoiling the boys rotten. They always got spoiled when they were over at Nemuri and Oboro's. When they spent the night with any of his sisters or brother. His mothers. It had him smiling to himself with his hand moving over the gray cat once more adoringly with the calico in his arms purring wildly much like that small cat. It was unbelievably nice listening to the cacophony of three cats purring in unison.
Kissing softly at the top of Cappella's head, he scratched behind Sterling's ear adoringly with the small cat lifting her head up. Pushing against his fingers. It was a quiet afternoon he didn't know he wanted or needed. To sit and reflect. To think. While it wasn't exactly things he wanted to think about it was still better to figure it all out now rather than be a bumbling idiot later on. To sit and think about how he wanted to go forward with his life wasn't going to hurt anyone, now was it?
He shifted his position on the bed slightly which got him grumbling meows as he stroked Sterling's side again before sliding his hand down Cappella's side gently. Dragging his fingers through her fur when his soft music was interrupted by a ping. It had him lifting his head from the bed curiously when he reached forward for his phone. Dragging it over the blankets before lifting it upwards to glance at the screen where he found a text from Nemuri.
He raised his brows when he unlocked the screen then tapped on the notification. In that text was a picture of Izuku and Hitoshi. Standing in the front yard of Nemuri and Oboro's home, there was a snow man between them. Beaming smiles of delight on their lips as Izuku's nose ran. Scarlet cheeks and red noses with scarves coming unraveled from around their throats. Wild green curls sticking up much like those wild indigo locks along the edges of hats.
Such looks of delight as they stood with the snowman in between them. He smiled at the picture as he tapped on it to save it to his phone. And then another picture was coming through much to his surprise. This time it was of the boys bundled up in blankets with slippers on their feet. Steaming mugs held in their hands as green and purple eyes sparkled up at the camera with such delight it had him smiling at the screen softly. They looked much warmer than they had in the previous picture.
Soft red cheeks with hair standing wildly from their hats no doubt with blankets wrapped around them to keep them warm. They looked so happy to be there. To have some type of attention on them for the afternoon and he adored the sight of his sons looking so happy. He smiled as he saved the picture before going to put his phone down when he got yet another picture. This time, it was angled far away; as far as Nemuri's arm could stretch outwards it seemed.
In the picture, squished together, Oboro sat next to Hitoshi while Izuku was squished up to Nemuri's side with sky-blue eyes sparkling at the camera. The blue eyes of Oboro's shimmering much like those wide green and purple eyes of his sons. They looked happy. Unbelievably happy. He wished he could be there. He could have stayed there but he had to come home to feed and give water to the cats. From there it became the duties of the house to sweep, mop, and vacuum.
To make sure he got a head start on the laundry. He missed the loudness of Nemuri and Oboro's home but soon enough his sons would be home. He'd video call with them tonight before they went to bed. Then tomorrow they'd be home with him, and he was more than happy to play with them. They'd insist on naps and to stay up with him which hadn't stop them. After all, he'd only been eight years old when he had first stayed up for New Years Eve.
It had been such a lackluster moment that he never stayed up for it again. Surely it wouldn't harm anyone if he let Izuku and Hitoshi know how lack luster ringing in the new year was. It had his smile widening on his lips at the thought of his sons whining and complaining about the new year that they want so badly to stay up for. Every child had to learn, didn't they? It would be funny, adorable, and he couldn't wait for it.
He knew if he truly wanted to then he could pop over to their home now, but he had laundry to get done. While he'd never put laundry above his sons, he knew he had to get the household ready for their return tomorrow. And along with the dinner party he was planning. God, he'd have to go to the liquor store, wouldn't he? He needed to top off his liquor cabinet in the closet and he needed to make sure they were adequately supplied for tomorrow night.
His living room would be made up for Nemuri, Oboro, Tensei and Emi when they crashed for the night. Thank God he had an air mattress, and the couch folded out into a sofa bed. He sighed to himself as he placed his phone back down on the bed with his hand sliding over Cappella's soft, smooth fur. Warm in his arms. There was nothing he wanted more than to go play in the snow with his sons. They had about three more months of it, unless March warmed over for them, and he hoped it would.
That they'd get an early spring this year. Sighing out quietly to himself, he combed his fingers through Cappella's fur gently. Tomorrow. His last day to keep this crush to himself. Soon enough, next year, he'd be spilling his guts to Shouta. He'd be confessing the feelings that seemed to grow heavier with each passing day in his chest. He didn't know if he wanted to squeal or if he wanted to cringe from the idea.
There was nothing he wants more than to hold those big, rough hands in his while he confessed to the black-haired man. To watch those dark eyes as they flickered and betrayed the emotion in the man before his face did. He wants to tell Shouta how fucking badly he cares for him. How big this crush has gotten in little more than a month from the few interactions they had. Over their calls. The mild flirting that seemed to occur naturally when Shouta and himself were texting.
He wants to tell Shouta how he laid in bed at night wishing for those strong arms to be wrapped around him. How he wants to play with those black curls while the man slept in his arms. That he wants to trace the plains of his face until his fingers new the shape of his face like the back of his hand. That he wanted to kiss him until his head spun like a top and he couldn't take it anymore. He wants to be swept off his feet while he squealed as lips pressed to his face.
He wants to dip his hands into those black locks as he tugged his face to his for a passionate kiss. He wants to tell Shouta how he wants to dance around his kitchen with those strong arms around him and a hand in his. He wants to wake up and go to sleep with that beautiful face next to him. He wants to tell him how badly he wants to lie with him skin-to-skin with not a stitch of clothing. That he wants Shouta to fuck his brains out until he was a howling, screaming mess in the bed.
Until his thighs shook with his body screaming for no more. He wants this man to fuck him until he was a sobbing mess with fingers rolling into his clit. To have the man buried to the hilt inside of him, his vagina or ass, it didn't matter. It never mattered in his fantasies. He wants to tell Shouta how badly he wants to touch him. To see if his physique was as impressive as it looked with his clothing on. He wants to tell this man how badly he wants him.
How badly he needs him. And he wants those soft moments of nuzzles, kisses and hand holding. Arms wrapped around him that kept him whole. That's all he wants. He wants to merely tell Shouta before he goes insane overthinking this again. He wants to tell him before he loses the nerve to do so. After all, Nemuri and Taishiro were right. It would break his heart if Shouta got together with someone else. It was truly putting a fire under his ass to confess to the black-haired man.
Even if Shouta didn't feel the same way he was sure that somehow, someway, they'd figure it out. All that mattered was at least vocalizing one desire of his. Even if that was to say how he felt for him. Humming softly to himself, his soft music came to an end when his phone began to ring. Blinking curiously, he lifted his head up as he angled his phone screen towards him where he found none other than Shouta Aizawa calling him.
It had his heart jumping to his throat where it seemed to squeeze shut on him, but he forced himself up onto his arm with the cats around him grumbling. He took a deep breath then let it out slowly with his fingers hovering over the screen. Trembling lightly with the sudden rush of excitement squeezing itself into his tight chest. Wreaking its havoc on him. And he slid his fingers to the green phone as he then tapped on speaker phone when he licked his lips before clearing his throat.
"Hey, Sho! I-I didn't expect you to call! Honestly, I knew you were going to FaceTime me later but this is a rather nice surprise!" He hated the slight crack to his voice when he paused to clear his throat again when he heard a quiet rustling over the other side of the phone. Was it Shouta adjusting his phone? Or something else? He had not a clue but he lifted his hand up to cup his cheek only to jump at the heat of a blush burning there. "What can I do for you, Sho?"
"I apologize for calling you so suddenly without giving you a heads up, Zashi, and I promise this won't become a new thing. But I just-" Shouta paused then when he blinked at the hidden edge to the black-haired man's voice which had his brows squeezing together. Not quite rough but not quite husky either. It was an interesting pitch that lowered when Shouta coughed lightly then cleared his throat. Ridding it of that husky note it had. "I can't explain it but I just- I wanted to hear your voice, you know?"
He was glad his face was already so hot. The blush burned beneath his finger and palm as he nudged his glasses up at the corner. He found himself wordless for a moment as his heart tried it's best to jump out of his chest when he let out a shuddering exhale as he leaned his cheek into his hand. "You wanted to hear my voice? I mean, I can get it! I don't think it's weird or anything! I wanted to hear your voice too. I like the sound of your voice."
"I like the sound of yours too." His heart was going to jump out of his damn chest. His heart couldn't take another sweet compliment from Shouta when the black-haired man was taking a breath then rushing over the speaker on an exhale before he spoke again. "I really do apologize for calling out of the blue like this. And- And I know we just talked not even two nights ago before you went over to Kayama's and Shirakumo's but I wanted to hear you. Call me weird, please?"
"It's not weird at all! I think it's normal to want to hear someone's voice! I mean, we've been talking over the phone like crazy lately and I like it! You know you can call me whenever, right? Morning, noon, afternoon or nighttime, you can call me and I'll answer you, Sho! You're my best friend and I want you to know I'll always be there for you." He shifted them with Cappella turning over in his arms with her nails kneading gently into his chest which he winced at but didn't stop her.
There was another quiet rustling over the phone followed by a trembling exhale from Shouta. What had the man so on edge? What had him calling him so suddenly like this? What had happened? What changed? It had him swallowing when there was another exhale over the speaker. "I couldn't ask you to do that, Zashi. I wouldn't want to call you up in the middle of the night! I mean, the offer is the same for you! You can call me whenever, I'm up most of the night with Eri anyways."
"You say you wouldn't want too but I'm up late most nights anyways! Shouta, if you really need me you know I'm right here, right? I'm just a call and a drive away!" He shifted the phone before sliding his hand over Cappella's side as the cat continued to knead at his chest making him wince. He'd have to cut their nails soon. Her purring, however, was unbelievably relaxing. Calming. "I'd never be angry if you needed to talk at midnight or need to come over! You're my friend and my door is always open!
"So you're like Kayama and Shirakumo, huh? An open door policy?" There was a lilt to Shouta's voice but he could hear the strain in it. As if he were still worried about being weird. He wished he could erase that worry from Shouta's mind when there was an trembling chuckle from the black-haired man. "I appreciate you for including me in the open door policy then! I don't know if I could act upon it without feeling rude but thank you. Seriously."
"Of course! You deserve to have as much support as I got! You're my best friend, Sho, and you deserve to have all the support in the world! But seriously, if you ever need me just bundle Eri up and come over! I have the pack and play along with some old blankets of Toshi's that she can use! I wouldn't mind it at all!" He slid his hand over Cappella's fur again with the cat purring happily in his arms when he smiled softly. "What about you? Do you have an open door policy?"
"A policy of sorts. I mean, I have a small child with me so I can't exactly have people coming in and out at all times, you know? Plus we both need to sleep so perhaps not at night." Shouta paused then before there was another soft, trembling chuckle from the black-haired man who shifted his phone judging by the rustle. "But I realize you've never actually been to my apartment, have you? It'd be awkward for me to invite an open door policy for you only for you to not have an address, you know?"
"Oh, yeah! I never thought about it but I haven't seen your apartment yet! I haven't even been over for a drink! Now that's something we have to change, Sho." He smiled then when Cappella jumped up and trotted around the bed to cuddle up with Sterling who chirruped at the elder cat. He tugged his phone closer as he rolled onto his stomach with a huffing exhale before smiling softly to himself. "Of course, your privacy is yours but just know I'd love to see your apartment sometime."
There was quiet over the phone for a heartbeat. It had him fighting against the frown that wanted to tug at his lips but instead he pinched them together then sucked them in. He couldn't help but wonder if that was pushing it too far somehow. If by joking about going to his friend's apartment was too much when Shouta was chuckling. "You know what? Yeah, I suppose we should change it. But you have the boys to think about. Not that I'm against them coming! Just- I know it must be a hassle getting them in the car."
"It's a bit of a hassle but I could do it! And I'm sure they'll be perfectly behaved angels while we're over at your place! But, of course, I could always come on my own when they visit my mothers or family you know! I'd say during school but I know you also work during school hours so that's a no go." Shifting slightly, he then leaned his warm cheek into his palm with his hair swaying over his shoulder slightly. "But we can figure something out, can't we?"
"Of course we can. We'll find an excuse that brings you over here at some point." He loved the playful lilt to Shouta's voice that made it's reappearance effortlessly. It had him smiling wider down at his phone when there was a shuffle over the line. "In fact, how about we do something about that sooner rather than later? I do have your containers from Christmas on my counter waiting for you to pick them up. Why not make that an oppurtunity?"
"Wow, you seem really open about me coming over!" He couldn't stop himself from smiling when he felt Twix shifting next to him before standing up with paws pressing into his lower back. He leaned his cheek into his hand causing it to squish up slightly when he got another chuckle from Shouta over the speaker. "But okay! Just don't bring them with you tomorrow when you come over for the party! You are coming over tomorrow, right? For the New Year's party?"
There was another moment of quiet over the phone that had him twisting his fingers into the blanket. Tugging at the material of it while fingers drummed on the side of his face anxiously while he waited for Shouta to gather his thoughts. There was a shifting sound over phone for a moment before Shouta was clearing his throat. "Well, if you want me there then I don't see much of a problem with coming. I don't know if my sister will be able to watch Eri though and I don't-"
"You can bring Eri with you! I don't mind in the slightest bit if you bring her! I'm sure she'll be down by the end of the night anyways! I have a spare room upstairs that you can use for the pack and play! Just bring a baby monitor with you and it'll be fine!" He hoped he didn't sound overly eager. That he didn't sound too hopeful but he had to admit he truly did want Shouta to come. One last night as friends was all he wanted. One last night to be best friends before he confessed.
"If you're really sure then I suppose it won't hurt to bundle Eri up and come over." There was a thoughtful note to Shouta's voice that had him smiling at the phone as he watched the seconds and minutes tick by on their call. And he swallowed down a yawn the best that he could with his fingers plucking at the blanket. "I don't think I've asked yet but who do you plan on having over for this New Year's Eve party of yours? Is it who I expect to be there?"
"Well, I'm sure you remember my last dinner party so that's all who's coming which Nem, Oboro, Ten and Emi! Of course, I am thinking of inviting Yagi, Thirteen and Snipe over too now that I think about it. Is it too last moment to ask someone to come over?" He had a thoughtful tone of his own as he drummed his fingers along the side of his face lightly with fingers tugging at his blanket with a soft hum. "I can at least ask them, right? If they reject it then that's fine but the least I can do is try and ask, right?"
"It's always been my motto that the least you can do is try. And I'd definitely say that if you want to invite my coworkers over then that's fine." Humming softly under his breath as he stretched his arm out to rest his arm on it, he stared at his phone. What expression would Shouta have if he were right here? If he were stretched out right next to him? "But I'll be there. Now, what is Super Dad up too tonight, hmm? What impossible thing are you doing?"
"Laundry." Smiling as he rolled onto his back, he hummed with the black-haired man chuckling over the speaker. A husky sound that had his stomach fluttering wildly with his heart skipping against his chest. As if it were trying to find away to leap out of his chest before he was ready for it too. "I'm getting all caught up on laundry tonight while Izu and Toshi sleep over Nem and Oboro's for the night. I don't know what I'm doing for dinner, I might just eat out and hide the boxes in the trash."
"What an absolutely sneaky dad move for you to pull on your sons!" He loves when that playful, teasing lilt of Shouta's voice clawed to the surface. He pressed his head back into the bed with a hum as that smile on his lips widened once more when Shouta then chuckled over the line. "Though I can't blame you. Cooking for yourself can be rather boring and not at all worth it. It's easier to cook for other people than for yourself but I'm sure you'll be up to your neck in cooking for tomorrows dinner party, huh?"
"Oh, don't even make me think about how much cooking I'll have to get done tomorrow!" He groaned out when he then rolled his head over the bed. His hair rustling against the blanket deafeningly with his fingers continued to pluck idly at the blanket as he sighed out. "I have to text Yagi, Thirteen and Snipe as soon as I can tonight before they possibly crash for the night or whatever it is that you teachers do now a days."
"Hey! I'm a teacher and I've yet to crash! Besides, you fail to forget that you was also a teacher for about a month!" A laugh startled itself out of him with Shouta snickering over the line then as he sat up then twisted to grab at his phone where Shouta was chortling. It was nice listening to the laughter of the black-haired man who then sighed out. "Well, I hope that your laundry and your possible dinner plans go well. Do you have any idea what you want to order from?"
"I'm thinking sushi. I might have to drive to pick it up but it'd still be healthier than getting chicken or a pizza!" He loved the small laugh he got from the black-haired man that crackled gently over the speaker of the phone. He then adjusted his hold on the phone with a quiet sigh as he slipped off of the bed when he reached up to twirl a lock of his hair around his fingers. "So. I just wanted to ask but you said you wanted to hear my voice, right? Are you okay? Like, is everything good?"
He was so used to that silence over the phone yet this time it felt like there was hesitation. There was something about it that spoke volumes to him as he fought the urge to tap his feet. Instead, his knees jiggled up and down weakly with the threat of becoming something faster when Shouta took a breath that rushed through the speaker on an exhale. "Everything is okay. I just- I don't know why I wanted to hear your voice but I do. It's very calming and I just- I needed some calm, you know?"
A fresh blush rushed to his cheeks as his fingers curled into the edge of the bed. The urge to scream, to kick his feet, and throw himself back to shout to the roof clawed at him. Instead, he bit his lip as he fought the giggle in his throat down; he knew it'd be a manic, unhinged sound. He swallowed with his teeth dragging over his bottom lip with his cheeks burning when he took a breath then let it out slowly before speaking. "Well, I'm the same, honestly. You have a deep, relaxing voice, Sho. I love talking to you."
"I love talking to you too, Zashi." There was a shift over the line and he found himself shifting in his spot with his knees bouncing quickly. His feet digging into the floor when Shouta then adjusted the phone as he squeezed his phone lightly with the case protesting said squeeze. "Honestly, by this point in our friendship I'd dare to say that you are my favorite person to talk too at this point. I could talk to you for hours, Zashi, and I'd never tire of it. You're an interesting man to talk with, you know!"
"Not as interesting as you, I bet!" He then let himself fall back to lay awkwardly but he held the phone close to him as his heart skipped against his chest. Palpitating wildly. It left him breathless as he slid his feet over the floor in light kicks with his stomach fluttering wildly. "I think you're by far more interesting then me and there's still so much I don't know about you! I mean, we've been friends for five months and I still find something new about you every single day. It's just so-"
"Exciting? Enthralling?" A laugh burst out of him before he could stop it when he caught Shouta chuckling with him when he placed the phone on the bed over his shoulder close to his ear. Anything to have that deep voice of his close to his ear as he can possibly get it. "Trust me, it feels like I'm learning something new about you every damn day, Zashi, and I find it exciting. It's a new friendship and we're feeling it out while learning more about one another. I like learning new things about you."
"I like learning new things about you too, Sho. You know, if you ever need to talk or if you ever want to just hear me babbling you can call whenever. Even if you want to hear me read a book or something, I'm more than willing to do that for you." He shifted with his back arching from the bed before plopping back down causing the bed to bounce lightly beneath him when he dragged his teeth over his lip briefly. "If you ever just want to hear me then feel free to call me up."
"Honestly, the thought of you reading me a bed time story really nice to me at the moment. I just- I like listening to you. I could listen to you for hours, you know that?" Ah, that wasn't helping his heart. His poor heart which felt ready to jump out of his chest at any moment; or to sink to his fluttering stomach. It had him breathless as he twisted his fingers into the blanket to anchor himself. "Is that weird of me to say to you? Is that too weird for one friend to say to another?"
Was it weird? Maybe. But did it touch him all the same? It did. It left him feeling warmth with his heart fluttering against his chest at the thought that Shouta liked his voice enough that he could listen to him for hours. He'd truly said that and it was putting him over the moon as he grinned to himself. His hands coming up to touch his warm cheeks. "No! No, I don't think it's weird at all! In fact, I'm very flattered that you think my voice is worthy of listening too! In fact, I run a show on Friday nights late at night on the radio!"
"It's Put Your Hands Up radio, right? I think you've mentioned it in passing when I asked what you did for work and you listed it off. You just never told me the station number it was on." Had he? Had he told Shouta that? It wouldn't be the wildest thing if he had said it in passing then never mentioned it again. Never brought it up again. "I think, no matter what the vibe of it is, I'd still like to you. It'd give me something to do on my Friday nights while I'm grading."
"You're going to make me blush, you know that? I can't imagine anyone liking my voice that much!" His voice cracked slightly as he pressed his hands to his cheeks where the blush smoldered under his fingers as his glasses were nudged up again. It wasn't exactly a lie, now was it? He dragged his teeth over his grinning lip when Shouta barked out a laugh much like he had seconds ago when he let go of his lip. "I'm serious! No one's ever really said that about my voice aside from Nem or Oboro! Sometimes Ten says it but you know him!"
"Well, I suppose it won't kill either of us if I'm the first person to say I enjoy the sound of your voice now, will it? After all, I'm sure you have plenty of fans that like your voice and they just haven't mentioned it to you in person." There was a rustling over the phone followed by a quiet grunt when he tilted his head against the bed curiously. He squirmed in his spot when Shouta sighed out to himself. "But now that I think about it, I do have a mountain of dishes to go get done. I suppose I should be an adult, huh?"
"Hey, I have to stay on top of the laundry tonight so you're not the only one adulting!" He paused then turned his head towards the phone; an instinctive action. Something he'd do if Shouta were right there with him laid out on the bed. He slid his hands from his cheeks to pluck at the fabric of his sweater nervously before licking his lips. "I don't know about you, but I don't mind staying on the phone with you longer tonight if you don't? I'll admit, I'm not ready to hang up on you yet."
"I'm not ready to hang up on you yet either." Oh. Oh, he'd been expecting it but God if that wasn't a shot that had the butterflies in his stomach going absolutely wild. If it didn't have his heart jumping wildly in his chest as if it planned to jump right out of his chest if it could. It was something that had him squirming in his spot with his cheeks burning with a fresh blush. "How about I go and do the dishes, but we remain on the call together? I'll be back soon as I can."
"I don't mind one bit!" Rolling slightly onto his side with his knees knocking together as he smiled at the phone. What he'd give to see that stoic face of Shouta's; to watch the emotions flicker in those intelligent dark eyes of his. To see the blushes that were so easily triggered when they talked so openly to one another like this. It had his heart palpitating in his chest when he rested his head against his head. "I plan to talk your ear off tonight! So, are you really prepared for that?"
"I'm more than prepared for that, I think. I'll listen to you talk all night even if it's about how the universe was created or what. I don't care what we talk about so long as I can hear you." Blinking at the sudden crack of Shouta's voice that held a husky edge had his stomach once again fluttering wildly. Not butterflies but wasps? Something vicious that had him breathless when Shouta sucked in a breath. "I mean, so long as that doesn't make you uncomfortable. What do you think?"
What did he think about it? He was so caught up in the wild reactions of his body that he didn't know what to think. He didn't know how to react to the black-haired man's rather sweet words to him. He'd been nothing but honest with him if he had to guess from the cracks in his voice. And he wanted to be nothing but honest to Shouta. Surely it wouldn't kill him just this once to act on his crush? Just once? Taking a breath, he let it out on a rush when he smiled wider. "I think that sounds wonderful."