Author's note: Yes, this is a continuation of Footsteps in the Snow. If you haven't read that, I would recommend it before reading this story. Footsteps in the Snow is a continuation story that begins right after the end of TLOU 2.
An Edge for the Knife also features Ellie but *is not connected to this story*. Think of that as an off-shoot, none of that is recognized here in this story.
Blade's Edge takes place several months after the end of FitS. The tone and I predict length will be similar. Much of it will take place in new places with new characters, but canon characters certainly have their place in the story. It centers on Ellie.
Ellie is my driving force. All of my TLOU fic writing is dedicated to her. I love Ellie, I want the best for her, but I will tell a tough story as I feel is needed. It is the TLOU tradition, after all.
I try to publish chapters about once a week. This first one is on the longer side.
I hope you enjoy.
Ellie stands on Joel's porch for a good minute. It's just dawn, and the golden light glares off all the windows on this side, like the house is looking back at her. It's the same porch she and he had one of their last conversations, that night. Where he said he hoped she could forgive him. She imagines a coffee mug on the railing, still steaming in the dawning light. He always got up early like that.
There's a painful movement in her chest, and she climbs the last step onto the deck. She crosses it and uses her key to unlock the door.
It's still empty even though it's been a couple years since Joel died. Maria kept it open for Ellie, more or less. She'd offered to let her move in, but it was almost too close for Ellie. She'd rather visit.
They're running out of houses for newcomers. Sooner or later this one will be filled, too. It's a good house. Big enough for a family. Joel had lucked out when they came to town.
It was big enough for the two of them. But she'd preferred her garage.
It's nice inside. Late Summer morning, cool and bright of sunshine. It's dusty, but... Who's gonna clean it?
She walks across the kitchen, all yellowed tile and old cabinetry. She walks into the living room. She'd taken this or that over time, but a lot of Joel's stuff is still here. The cowboy paintings. An astronaut figurine Ellie had found during their cross country travel, in the hutch.
She'd come to find another thing, to take with her. She does that sometimes. She prefers it to visiting his grave.
She's heavy in the chest and she almost sheds a tear. She leans against the hutch. "Hey, Joel," she says to no one.
The stillness of the house, the quiet, they're painful to her. But she's learned not to fight this kind of pain.
Hey, Kiddo, he would say. How's life treatin' ya?
"I'm doing okay," she says. "I just wanted to say hi."
She picks up the astronaut figurine. It claims to be Buzz Aldrin, but it's kind of hard to tell, with his face being all covered by the suit. She puts it back down. She won't take it. It's cool, but it was also something of hers that she'd given to Joel. She likes that, because that way he gets to keep a piece of her, just like she keeps pieces of him. Inside.
She walks over to the leather couch and sits down. A small cloud floats up from the cushion. She smiles weakly. There's a TV in the hutch, but Joel hardly ever used it. It's got a built in VCR. There's some tapes down at Marty's. He did like those. What was that one? Oh, Curtis and Viper. She'd watched it with him a few times. Melodramatic action movie with '80s styling. She didn't quite get it, not like he did. She can't think of another thing that would get his attention the same way. Just that and Bruce Springsteen. Which she gets a little more.
Well, she's not taking the TV, that's for sure. She looks down at the coffee table. It's dark varnished wood. Smooth as glass. Tasteful looking, actually. Also too heavy to carry, but on top of it is a wood carving by Tommy.
Ellie smiles faintly, picking it up off the table. It's a Cooper's hawk. Regal bird, seen in the area. Tommy and Joel always admired raptors. Makes sense that Tommy would give him this. Tommy's no master of the craft, but this is a good piece. Only the piece of wood he'd used was an odd shape, and the base isn't quite right, so it doesn't stand up. You have to lay him on his back, like he just got too tired of flying and collapsed.
She likes it, but her heart tells her that's not what she's here to take, so she lays it back down.
She looks around. The quiet is suffocating. She doesn't think what she needs is here. She gets up, and starts moving up the stairs.
She will take those cowboy paintings someday, before someone moves in, but the thought of them hanging in her garage is too painful right now, so she leaves them.
She gets to the top and goes straight back to Joel's room. The door is already ajar. She pushes it open.
It's darker up here, with the curtains drawn. She leaves them. She doesn't like coming up here as much and has only done it twice since he passed. A lot of his stuff is still laying around.
The bed is made, but wrinkled. Typical Joel. Better job than she does, she smiles ruefully. After he died, someone left his bloodstained pack next to his nightstand, but she's not going anywhere near it.
She goes to his dresser. The mirror is dusty. She reaches up to wipe away the dust, but that would just show her her own face, so she changes her mind and opens the top drawer.
Socks.
She chuckles softly, closes the drawer, and opens the next one.
It's full of junk. She pauses. Had she ever looked in here? She starts sorting through it.
It's a mix of stuff, not all junk. There are some gun parts in here. Accessories, replacements. There's a half a box of 9mm ammo in the back. Her hands catch a chain, and she pulls on it.
It's a Firefly tag. Belonging to Philip Liu. No idea who that is. Or if Joel killed him. Probably not, if he kept it. She puts it down.
There's a leather fold in here, like a simple wallet, or a belt loop of some kind. She picks it up. It's light, empty feeling. She opens it. It's not empty.
Ellie frowns. She pulls out a piece of cloth. A bandana. It's folded down to a strip. It's dark green, and sweat stained, looks like. She smells it, but it only smells like leather.
This is odd. He had it tucked away in that thing like to protect it, but she has no idea–
It hits her. It belonged to Tess.
She sucks in a breath and holds the bandana to her chest. She turns around. "Can I have this?" she asks no one.
Well… Joel would say, scratching the back of his head. Why would you want something of Tess's?
"I liked her. A lot," Ellie admits. Tess was a mean mother, but she softened up to Ellie a lot faster than Joel. She was tough as hell, it was obvious. No wonder she and Joel got along. Ellie would have liked it if the three of them could have gone on together. That could have been…
She sinks down to the floor, and this time a tear does escape. She brushes it away.
Doesn't matter what could have been.
"It belonged to her, and it belonged to you. Now I want it," says Ellie. "Don't you think I could use it, too?" She brushes a hair out of her eyes, smiling as another tear rolls down to her cheekbone.
Ah, well, you two do have that in common, don't you?
Ellie smiles, feeling crazy and hurt and happy.
How can I say no?
Ellie lifts it to her lips and kisses it. She'll figure out how to tie it like Tess would have later. She tucks it into her back pocket.
Then she hears a creak on the stairs.
For an instant, she reaches for her gun, but her gun isn't there and that's ridiculous. She gets up and walks across the bedroom and pulls open the door.
Maria is standing at the top of the stairs.
"Stalking me?" Ellie asks her, brushing away the remaining tears.
"Of course not, Ellie," says Maria. Her tone is a lot softer than in her office. "Just on my morning walk and I saw someone in here, and thought I'd come take a look."
"Make sure no one was looting?"
"Well, yeah," says Maria, "only I found someone was."
"Yeah, well," says Ellie. She closes the door to Joel's bedroom behind her. "You hear anything?"
Maria looks her up and down briefly. "No."
"Good," says Ellie. She gestures to the stairs. "Let's sit down for a minute."
Ellie sits back on the couch, in the corner this time, Maria on the old armchair opposite her. She winces a bit as she sits down.
"You're getting old, Maria."
"Oh, hush," says Maria with some chagrin. "You just wait, youngin'."
"How you been this week?" Ellie asks her.
Maria gives her a long look like she wanted to be the one to ask questions, but that's why Ellie asked first. Maria doesn't like talking about herself much, even with Ellie. "Well, good, Ellie. Not bad at all."
"I'm not just talking about Jackson, Maria."
"I know, I know you're not. And I know your concerns, I'm not all business. Didn't you see me out at the Bison?"
"Yeah," says Ellie, smiling, "you really loosened up. Made a lot of people happy to see, I think, not just me. That was weeks ago, though."
"Yes, well, if you're inquiring… What have I been up to?" She looks up while she thinks. "I started knitting, if you can believe that, with Joyce and the others."
"Wow. I didn't think you were that old."
"Well, I'm not, you little smartass. I'm one of the older ones in the group, if you can believe that. It's nice, actually. You knit, but really you're sipping tea and talking for a couple hours. I did a little shooting with Clem and some of the others last Saturday, too. Had about as much fun."
"Knitting is as much fun as shooting?" Ellie asks.
"Well, it can be. Careful, before I talk you into coming along."
"Heck no."
"I bet I could talk Maedlyn into it."
"Don't," says Ellie, and she takes that as a plausible threat. "Please don't."
Maria laughs.
Ellie side-eyes her. "How about–"
"Don't you, youngin', don't you ask about that."
Maria's been talking to Dean off and on. She hasn't caught either of them on any late night visits… but she has the feeling things are going pretty well.
"Why not?" Ellie asks. "Just the two of us."
"Because…" Maria screws up her face. "Because you're just too young to be askin'. Can a woman my age be discreet, or not?"
"Okay," says Ellie, fiddling with her fingers. "Just curious is all."
"I bet."
"Are you talking to people about it? Or is it just so secret."
"Women my own age? I might."
"Eilene?"
Maria snorts. "Oh, definitely not. And she does ask, for the record."
"Oh, I bet she does," says Ellie with a smirk. Maedlyn's mom is a sweetheart… but a bit nosey.
"She likes you a hell of a lot," says Maria.
Ellie bites her lip. Eilene does like her. And Ellie likes her back. She gets nervous, though. First time she's had any kind of relationship with the parent of someone she likes. More than likes… Ellie feels this pressure, to stay in Eilene's good graces. Which is easy enough except… except there's a lot Eilene doesn't know about her past.
"Ellie?"
Ellie shakes her head.
"What's up, pumpkin?"
Ellie frowns up at her. She hates that nickname and Maria knows it. "What makes you think something's up?"
"Only your face," says Maria, with love and concern in her eyes. "Maedlyn says you've been distant lately."
Ellie looks up sharply. She's been talking to Maedlyn? She scoffs, looking away.
Nothing stays hidden from Maria for long. As Jackson's mayor and resident Iron Mom, she's probably the nosiest of all.
"You been antsy?" Maria asks.
"I wouldn't say that," says Ellie.
"Mm," says Maria, but Ellie has a feeling that's not the last of it. Maria leans on one knee, watching her. She brushes a strand of her neck-length hair behind her ear. It was streaked with gold, when Ellie met her. Pretty much all silver now.
"I used to be all blonde, you know," says Maria as if reading her mind. "Before I took on these duties."
Ellie looks it over.
"You know they say a crown of silver is the mark of wisdom," says Maria.
Ellie smirks. "You could dye it back."
Maria's eyebrows shoot up. Dye it, she mouths. "Oh, it's been some time since I thought of that."
"Kat could do it," says Ellie, "she's great at it."
Maria chuckles. "Oh, I am not letting someone less than half my age touch my hair."
"She could give you highlights, too. Green, blue, whatever you want."
"Oh my God, highlights. I forgot about those."
"Want me to call her?"
"Absolutely not. Why don't you highlight your hair, if you're so eager."
Ellie mulls that. But it's not for her, and that's even if she didn't have… history with Kat. "Nah. Maedlyn would kill me, anyway."
She runs her hand over the bandana in her back pocket. Maybe that could be her next look. Her hair's almost to her shoulder blades now. She talks about cutting it, but then Maedlyn gets fussy. The bandana could help keep it out of her face though…
"Ellie?" says Maria, with a pensive look on her face.
It makes Ellie uneasy. "Yeah?"
"What do you want out of Jackson?"
Ellie's brow knits. Maria is leaned back in the armchair, resting her head. But her eye contact is strong. She's got this look. Like Ellie could say anything, anything at all and Maria would give it to her if she could. She probably would.
Well, if she must answer… She thinks about it.
"From Jackson, I don't know… I don't really think about it like that. It's the people in Jackson is all I care about now."
"Mm hmm," Maria says. Her watchful gaze belies the easiness of her tone.
"So I guess my answer would be… Maedlyn. Dina, and even Dale," she chuckles ruefully. "JJ." Her voice softens. "Of course. Lot of folk around town. And you."
Maria's smile is easy but her eyes are glossy. She's never looked more like a mother with her tired smile.
"So what's missing, baby girl?" Maria asks.
That catches Ellie by surprise. Her brow wrinkles. She tenses around the eyes. She cracks a half smile. She looks around the room they're sitting in. With all the memories of Joel. With his smell, almost, his presence is so heavy.
Maria's expression is changing now and she looks regretful. Foolish, almost. Ellie stands up.
"Oh, Ellie, I–"
Ellie holds up a hand to quiet her and keep her from standing up. She walks over till she's in front of her.
In that moment, she's only horseback behind Joel, the two of them following Tommy around the outskirts of Jackson, a golden sun sinking into the horizon.
Maria stares up at Ellie, trepidatious.
"A lot's missing," Ellie whispers. She sees the pain in Maria's eyes and she reaches up and strokes her cheek. "And that's no one's fault."
Ellie bends down and gives Maria a kiss on the hair by her ear. The older woman let's out a little "oh.'
Ellie walks back through the kitchen, the way she came. This time, Maria doesn't stop her.
Another sunset, another great day. Yeah, this is the life.
That's what you wanted to read, isn't it?
Okay, at this point, I don't have any direct evidence anyone has ever read my journal, but I'm still counting on it. You can never be too sure.
But in all seriousness, things are pretty good lately. I think I ticked Abby off the other day with my Firefly comment. Again. I didn't mean anything by it–we talk shit to each other all the time, what's the difference? But… if I'm still thinking about it now, that probably means I just need to apologize. Ugh.
I haven't ticked Maedlyn off in a while, and that pretty much rules. It pretty much always rules with Maedlyn. I'm smiling. I'm sorry M, but if you are reading this, don't count on me writing how I really feel here. You may not be a smuggler but you're… investigative and I don't count on you not finding this spot behind the rafter.
On the subject of telling M how I feel… nah, nevermind, not getting into it.
I love Lev, he's so great. He never gets mad at me. I don't know. That's it. Thanks Lev.
Now, as far as Maria… She and I had kind of a heavy talk this morning. Not bad, or anything. I didn't mean to scare her. Hope I didn't. I don't know how to stop her worrying, and that worries me. But I'm honest with her. I think that's the best thing I can possibly do. And I love her, so that's what I want to do.
She'll be okay. She gets it. I'm sure she was thinking about Tommy. I didn't say his name, of course.
I showed Maedlyn Tess's bandana. I didn't tell her the significance yet. Of course she was only too happy to help me with it. Took a few tries, I didn't want to tell Maedlyn why I was being so particular. But eventually we got it. Tie the scalp line up into a bun, tie the bandana by my hairline down to the nape of my neck, under the rest of my hair. Holds everything in place, so it doesn't get in my eyes. Tess knew what she was doing.
I looked at myself in the mirror for a second. I tried to look like Tess. I stuck my lip out, gave a 'I don't give a shit' look. It worked so well I started laughing, then I almost cried cause it hurt. Maedlyn didn't know what was up with me. I told her I'd tell her about it later.
OH SHIT! Tomorrow's Wednesday, I've got my meeting with Janet. Oh boy, I can't believe I forgot about that. Jeez.
I'm nervous, it's been a while… it's a big responsibility, you know? I don't want to say anything about Eddie.
[Tear smudges]
Eddie, I'm sorry, boy. I love you still, okay? I would have done whatever I could to save you. I did do the only thing I could. XTheXonlyXthingXI'mXgoodXatX. I should never have taken you there. I told myself I had to if I didn't want to treat it like a suicide mission. Fucking Portland. Fucking Northwest. Shit.
But if I didn't go there I never would have met Sarah and the others. Little Tommy and Kate are having a fucking kid. Shit, they're not even twenty. I mean… it's really cool, I'm happy for them. Makes me nervous when people have kids. More to protect. But that's why we're here. It's why Jackson exists. So people can do more than just survive. So they get to be alive.
I talk mess but it's really important to me. Every time I go out on patrol I think about it. Wouldn't trade it for anything.
Protecting me is what gave Joel new purpose, isn't it? Weird… thinking about that is weird now, I don't like to think about being protected. I'd rather be on the other side.
Even though in ways, that's a lot scarier.
Shit, I hear Maedlyn on the stairs, bye for n
Ellie wakes up to a certain redhead nuzzling against the side of her head. A certain redhead that likes to smell her hair.
"Mm," Ellie protests.
"Mm mm," Maedlyn chides.
They lay there in stillness and quiet. The light is golden and soft from the East window. It's cool, and the sheets are soft and warm.
This part can go on for a long time, but Ellie has the sense she can't sleep in today, for some reason. She smacks her lips.
"You know I've been thinking of cutting it," she says sleepily.
She feels Maedlyn frown. "Mm mm," she mumbles again. She wraps her fingers around one of Ellie's locks.
"I could get the Daisy Ritter look."
Maedlyn's eyes shoot open. She lifts her head. "You're fucking with me."
Ellie smirks without opening her eyes. She gestures with her hand over her head. "Little pomade. Faux hawk. Something like that…"
"No," says Maedlyn simply. "No." She digs her nose into the side of Ellie's head, burying herself in her hair. "No."
Ellie chuckles. "What, you don't like that?"
"No."
"I don't know, I feel like it could…" She pictures herself with a faux hawk on top of a horse. The hat would cover it. She'd have the clean-shaved sides. Daisy doesn't ride, but it's a look. Still, she's had her hair for so long–
Ellie shoots up in bed. "What time is it?"
Maedlyn gives her an incredulous look. "You tell me."
Ellie twists around. The clock says 8:15. Shit, that's late. She turns to Maedlyn.
"I gotta get to the South stable."
Maedlyn's face is miffed, then it softens. "Oh… it's your big day!"
Yes it is, and Ellie needs to get dressed now. She climbs out of bed before Maedlyn can stop her and starts pulling on her pants.
"Well, don't hurry now!"
Ellie shoots her a look over her shoulder. "Sorry, babe, but I can't be late for this."
Maedlyn chuckles. "Really? Why not, they're gonna be there all day."
"Cause Janet said nine and she's trading her best horses over to governance this afternoon. I am not missing my chance to get mine before that happens."
Ellie pulls down her shirt. Maedlyn's frowning. "This another one of those back alley deals?"
"Well…" says Ellie. "It's not exactly regulation. No law against it that I know of."
"You're not even gonna shower?" she chuckles while asking it.
"Why?" asks Ellie, incidentally dipping into the bathroom for the deodorant block. Her shirt's snug, she has to pull it halfway off to apply it.
"I don't know, guess I thought you were supposed to smell like horses after you leave the stable, not when you get there."
Ellie pokes her head out of the bathroom, sizing Maedlyn up. "Don't seem to bother you."
Maedlyn tosses a pillow but misses by a long shot.
Ellie does her best to repeat the look from yesterday. The bun is easy, the bandana is trickier, she's not used to it. She has to retie it a couple times, but then it's snug and looks just about right. She smirks.
She walks back into the apartment and straps her gun to her hip and puts the wad of notes she'd set aside in her jeans. She turns to Maedlyn.
"How I look? Intimidating?"
Maedlyn smirks, looking her up and down. "Fine."
Ellie cocks her head. "Good enough."
She turns to leave, then turns back. Maedyln's still under the covers. "You not gonna get dressed?"
Maedlyn smiles wider. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?" She bites her lip, thinking. "Ellie, you better leave now, or I'm gonna make you late."
Ellie stutter-steps, going for the door, then stopping. She does this a few times, until Maedlyn laughs. She decides not to call her bluff, grabs her wide-brimmed hat, and pulls open the door.
"Be back later, babe!"
South stable opened not six months ago, last Winter, when Janet Walker and her family came to town. They came with ten people and not less than twenty horses. Some of them they caught on the road, according to their own family telling.
They were accommodated with housing in standard fashion, but that had not been enough for the Walkers. Not even a month after they got here, they negotiated a trade with governance for the old cattle ranch just outside the city to the West. And not a month after that, they had repaired and expanded a respectable stable and fielding there.
They're businesspeople through and through, it would seem.
These are not just horse traders. This is a thoroughbred (yep) family of dedicated horse breeders. They know everything there is to know about horses.
This had somewhat upset the balance in Jackson, if you're horse-minded, because up until that point the only real horse experts had been Old Clem and Maitland. And they had essentially operated the governance stables in all but name, with only a small side business of their own.
Now, with the Walkers, you're talking about high-quality horses with world-class trainers. Ellie had scoffed when people had first told her, then she'd visited the ranch. She'd been amazed. She'd never seen cleaner and better disciplined horses. Good musculature up and down the line. Fine grooming. Comically well-cut manes and tails, almost, but they are beloved creatures to Ellie as well, and the moment she'd laid eyes on them she knew she'd need one of her own. Only, they would run her upward of twice the notes of a governance horse.
Forget breeding, they catch wild horses and bring them into the herd. These are not broken and reared beasts, they are wild. Ellie has no conception of the expertise required to pull that off.
Well, there are terms that come with Jackson's protection, and rumor is that the Walkers rent (called 'proportionate contribution' under the law) is coming due in the form of some their best horses transferring to governance stable. Ellie is wagering their price is not going to go down, or, more likely, they will be reserved for governance service.
And she is going to get hers before that happens.
It's a sunny late Summer day, and it's already getting too warm. She's walking Lucinda–old, dappled mare–up the dirt road off 22. She passed Marty and Bowen on horseback on the way, offering them a nod. There's a warm breeze rolling off the wide stretches of golden grass up here, and it smells like Wyoming. A smile creeps onto her lips.
The old farmhouse is a faded baby blue, mostly exposed wood, now. Stands sturdy enough. It contrasts sharply with the long stables made with fresh lumber the Walkers put up a few months ago. They sealed it all, too. Must have cost a fortune, and a hell of a lot of work. Again, actual business folk. Another rumor says they came to town with gold, which helped them along toward getting this all started. Howard Streets swears they had Hansen cut a brick, to make sure it was real. Hansen won't say shit though, so it's hard to say.
Ellie pulls Lucinda right up to the gate by the stable's end. Janet is talking to one of her sons by one of the fencing. There's a gaggle of horses in there, and almost as many men brushing manes and coats and cleaning hooves.
Janet spies her and breaks off the conversation, walking straight toward her. She's got blue jeans and tawny chaps, and a leather vest. And the hat, of course. She looks like the real deal. There's no gun at her hip, but plenty of the crew around the ranch are armed. They're the first line of defense out here, after all.
Janet's got sun-tanned skin, dusty blonde hair with streaks of gray that she won't tie up for some reason, and a lot of wrinkles on her brow. She's lovely, but she's always got a shrewd look on her face.
She pulls up with her hands on her hips. "Well, you made it on time, I suppose."
"That I did."
"You gonna get off that sad beast or what?"
"Don't talk bad about Lucinda here," says Ellie, stroking her neck as she climbs down.
"Yeah," says Janet ambiguously, eyeing Lucinda's hooves. She turns and walks, pointing to one of the posts at the end of the stable.
Ellie ties her off, but Janet doesn't wait for her. She's walking back to the fencing. Ellie looks at the stable, where she expected to make her selection. She frowns and follows Janet out there.
She catches up to her outside the interior gate. Janet is gazing thoughtfully, and if Ellie's not mistaken ruefully, at her herd there. Not keen to part with them, huh?
"You hiding something in there from me?" Ellie says to her, gesturing back to the stables.
"No," says Janet. It's an awful cool lie, and Ellie can't help but smirk. "These are the horses for Maria, and these are the ones you'll pick from. Or you'll go home."
"You know Maria's not gonna come down here herself. It's governance business."
"Yeah, well, it'll be Maria's man." She looks sharply at Ellie. "You know I got business to attend to today, Ellie."
Ellie nods and walks up and opens the gate herself. Janet follows her.
"Wait," says Janet.
Ellie turns, inquisitive.
"Let's see 'em." Janet makes a demanding gesture.
Ellie frowns, and produces the wad of notes from her pocket. Janet reaches for it, and Ellie pulls it back. "Let's see some flesh before you start counting, eh?"
Janet doesn't like that. She twists her lips. "Very well, but these kids cost what they cost, and I'm gonna be downright pissed if you're short. I don't like my time wasted."
Ellie starts moving among the herd.
"I'm well aware, Ellie, that you get away with quite a bit around here. You have no such favor with me, I want you to keep that in mind."
"I understand," says Ellie. A young guy with hair in need of a cut is trimming the hooves of a handsome appaloosa meticulously. Ellie brushes the horse's shoulder. His muscles are hard and angular. He's lean, and well exercised.
"Don't think you can fool me on the quality of my stock. I wasn't born yesterday. I'll throw your ass out if you try."
"I'm a straight shooter, Janet. And I won't."
Hard to hide her wonder anyway. If these aren't Janet's best horses Ellie'd be amazed.
There's a couple of Cobs that could be twins, pale coats with a couple black spots, groomed immaculate down to the fetlocks.
"Were any of these wild?"
Janet scoffs. "Were any… No, Ellie. We breed those and then set 'em free if they can't be contented with steady meals and a little discipline. They aren't fit for service if they aren't broken young."
So that's what she's hiding in the stable. Wild breeding stock.
She knows she has no use for a wild horse, but it's a pretty romantic notion.
She walks up on a red-coated mustang right out of a movie poster. An older guy is brushing his mane fastidiously. The mustang has got a white stripe down his brow and sheer black mane of hair that's more lustrous than hers. He looks down at her without moving. The look says he's too good for her.
She snorts but keeps walking. Then one horse catches her eye.
"No way…" she says under her breath. She hopes Janet didn't hear.
He's an arabian. Copper-coated, with black cannons, mane, snout, eyes and tail. Sleek as sunshine. Hooves a noble ivory. Slender, fit as any of them.
He's chewing a hunk of grass he found somewhere, looking bored. His eye catches her quickly, though, and he stops chewing. She moves toward him.
"Now–" Janet stops herself.
Ellie turns, not slowing. "What?"
"Easy on that one, is all."
He is indeed sizing her up. He's not looking too friendly. In fact he's a bit stiff. 'Salright, Ellie knows a good horse needs warming up.
"Hey there, boy. You like visitors?"
He offers a little toss of his head that says 'no.'
She stops five feet from him and walks around, taking him in. She's never seen an arabian in person. She's seen them in magazines and stuff. She actually has a picture of one on her wall in her garage. They're not common out on the plains.
He's got the high tail carriage, standing tall and trailing in the wind like a pennant. He could be a show horse–if there were horse shows anywhere anymore.
He tosses his head again as she circles him.
"What's the problem, big guy?" she asks. "I'm not so bad."
He is watching her keenly. She can't read him. Janet is watching her too, one hand on her lower lip. Damn, is this horse trouble or what?
She approaches from the front, reaching up for his jaw.
He kicks his forehoof out, coming within inches of her pelvis.
"Hey!" she shouts.
"Barthas!" Janet barks. She walks up and takes him by the jowl, turning him away. "I told you to behave today, you little shit."
Ellie watches as she walks him a few feet away. He doesn't resist her. He just didn't like Ellie.
That spooked Ellie, she can't lie. Their hind legs are deadly, but foreleg kicks can break bone or just hurt a hell of a fucking lot. And any good, trained horse would know better than to try that with a human.
She follows after them.
Janet notices as she's chastising Barthas. She scoffs. "Ellie, that wasn't sufficiently discouraging to you, or what?"
"He just met me," says Ellie. "He not like girls or something?"
Janet scoffs again. "No, he does not like men. But he's got an…"
Attitude problem, she doesn't say.
"He's got a temperament with which I only entrust experienced handlers."
"I am an experienced handler."
"I'm not sure about that."
"Maybe he's just pissed he's leaving the ranch."
Janet scoffs once again. "Well, maybe, Ellie, why don't you ask him?"
"I will," says Ellie. She remains five feet away but she's standing near his head again. Barthas eye is moving between the two of them. Not rapidly, like he's scared. He seems defensive. He's piecing them out.
"Sometimes a horse just needs a few days with a new rider," says Ellie.
"Huh, true, but you do not have a few days, Ellie," says Janet.
"What if I pay for him now and come back–"
"No."
"You didn't even think about it."
"I don't need to, no. You get your horse now or never, and you are running out of time."
"Let me talk to him."
Janet stands with one hand on his opposite jowl, preventing him from turning away. She looks over her shoulder at Ellie, all frown. "Ellie, why do you want this horse?"
"He's pretty."
"All my horses are pretty."
Ellie looks into his big brown eye. He doesn't hate her, but he doesn't trust her.
"I like his character."
"Oh, his character," Janet chuckles humorlessly. "I'm starting to understand what Maria said about you."
Now Ellie frowns. "What did she say?"
"Talk to him, then," says Janet, walking clear.
Ellie notes that a couple hands sitting on the far fence are watching the whole exchange with interest, and they're catching a few glances from the men at work on the other horses.
This time she walks up to Barthas like she isn't afraid, she puts a hand on his neck, easy. He shuffles at first but then he lets her touch him.
"You got a reputation around here, don't you?" Ellie asks him.
He watches her.
"Me too," she says.
She strokes his neck.
"He ever been around gunfire?" Ellie asks.
Janet doesn't respond right away but Ellie doesn't turn away from Barthas, who's letting her stroke his neck and mane.
"Do I need to explain why that's important?" Ellie continues.
"He has," says Janet, not sounding pleased.
"And?"
"He's cooler than you'd think, actually."
"Who was his longest rider?"
"Jonas, dead. He was a scout."
Ellie nods. This is her chance. Horses don't speak English, but they speak something. So she intends to try.
"I'll tell you what, Barthas," she says, only loud enough for him to hear. His ears twitch. "I'm a scout too, you could say. Light, fast. I stay out of trouble." She cocks her head. "For the most part. But I'm loyal, you know that?" He looks down at her. He's not as nervous as you'd think. He just knows what it's like out there, she thinks.
"I know Jonas went and died on you, but I'm not very good at dying, you understand that?" She means it. His gaze is unfaltering.
"Tell you what," she continues, "let me ride you and maybe we can get along. If not, I'll go my way. With one of these other horses, of course." She gestures to the rest of the herd.
He does look at the rest of the horses. Did that get to him?
"Let's have a saddle," says Ellie.
Janet scoffs in amazement. "Are you fucking kidding me?"
"No," says Ellie to her face.
"Well, we aren't gonna do it for you." Janet gestures to the fence where hangs three different saddles.
Ellie walks over and looks them over. They're all good saddles, but in different styles. She actually scoffs at the pack saddle. There's a scout saddle that's about her size. She gives it a quick look over. No accessories whatsoever, but it's as finely maintained as any saddle she's ever seen in her life. She lifts it off the fence.
"Alright, boy," says Ellie. She walks up and lays it over his back. He doesn't buck it. She fastens the straps snugly.
Hesitation is not on the menu, so as soon as she's done she swings herself on top. He prances a couple feet but doesn't move far. Could be nerves, but Ellie doesn't think that's it. He's small and lean, she can feel the tension in his tendons beneath her. He's powerful. Her gut tells her she's sitting on a lot of energy, he's fit to run.
She walks him around the fencing a bit. He doesn't seem to like it very much. Now and then he hops a bit, with little short kicks. She doesn't feel like she's in danger of being thrown, not yet.
Janet's nervous, though she hides it well.
Ellie looks over the plain just outside the ranch. There's a gate that leads directly to it on the far side. She looks at Janet.
"Open the gate."
Janet's too stunned to be contemptuous. She walks up on them, looking from her to Barthas. Instead of protesting, she holds out her hands. "Let's have 'em first."
"You think I'm gonna steal him?"
"Now, Ellie."
Ellie shakes her head, pulls the wad of notes out of her pocket and tosses it to Janet. She brushes through them briefly, then nods to one of the hands on the fence.
His eyebrows are glued to his hairline, but he jumps down and unlatches the gate, swinging it open.
"Alright, boy, let's see how you–"
Not a second after they pass the gate, Barthas breaks into a gallop. That energy she was sitting on explodes into movement, and Ellie has to lean into the saddle. She's off-balance for a second, then she pushes her weight into the stirrups and onto his withers, the wind pulls the hat off her head, and all of the sudden she's flying across the plain on top of him.
The naked sun streams into her eyes, the snowy hilltops around Jackson bearing witness to Barthas's might. Gusts roll over the golden grass, buffeting the two of them with the smell of earth and field.
Ellie's laughing, she's just laughing and she has no say in the matter. She leads with the reins and Barthas moves with her. So it's not just his show, then. He clears a small cluster of rocks like they're not even there, his body sailing over the ground.
She turns him down a slope toward a basin in the grasses. Only toward the bottom, Barthas starts to resist her. She tries to keep him on straight but he tosses his head and moves around, along the slope. She frowns, then it clicks that it's soft-field. Suitable for gophers and moles, dangerous for horses. Barthas knows better than to run such soil.
Ellie smiles again. There are low, bare trees here, and they are whipping by her with force. She's never been on such an animated beast.
"Show it off, boy!" she cries.
He jumps high and quarter twists, kicking his hinds. Ellie barely keeps her balance on the thunderous landing. They pivot against the upcoming tree-slope and turn back toward the ranch.
By the time they near the fence line again, Barthas slows to a trot and both of them are breathing hard.
"That's good, boy," says Ellie, "that's real good."
Barthas snorts like he doesn't need to be told.
"Tell you what, boy," says Ellie, leaning down and stroking his neck. "I left something out earlier. You lost a rider, well I lost a horse."
Barthas looks at her over his shoulder.
"I don't mean to do it again."
He tosses his head and turns back toward the ranch.
Apparently satisfied, Barthas doesn't hesitate to head back into the gate. On their way in, one of the hands who collected her hat hands it up to her wordlessly. She pulls it back on her head.
She pulls Barthas up in front of Janet, knowing how badass she looks.
"I'll take him," she says simply.
Janet is shaking her head like she wants to tell her off but just can't. She looks down for a second, then pulls Ellie's notes out of her pocket. "Three fifty," she says.
Ellie's jaw drops. "You said they average two-fifty–"
"He does, and the saddle's a hundred."
"Hundred–" says Ellie. She looks down at it again. Very high for a saddle, but it is after all the finest she's ever seen.
"Shit…" she says. That's almost every note she brought. And that's almost every note she has, and she's been saving for a while.
He ever been around gunfire?
He's cooler than you'd think, actually.
Ellie snorts softly. She looks Janet in the eye and holds out her hand.
With only the slightest hesitation, she shakes it.