PROBLEMATIC

Chapter 5

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I raised my eyebrows as I recognised the firm realisation on her face, clearly with that lightbulb moment again, as Donna connected the rest of the dots. Her beaming smile was refreshing to see after all this crap.

"Of course!" Donna remarked smiling broadly. "I thought you were too cool to be true. You're Stephanie, as in the Stephanie Plum, also known as the Bombshell Bounty Hunter. I have followed your successes for years. You rock, girl!" Donna grinned. "I thought there was something familiar about you. I'm a big fan."

I just nodded and shrugged after the initial cringe. Lester and Cal grinned with pride.

Uh oh. Here we go. There is movement at the station. Cue the next round of Morellius Interruptus, round 3.

"Are you kidding me?! Don't you see the wreckage she has created?" Morelli was pointing wildly at the concertina line up. "This is un-fucking-believable!"

I raised an eyebrow at Donna with a mini shoulder lift. I had to admit, he got that right. Even Blind Freddy would have figured that out. It really was un-fucking-believable. But, I knew from past experience, we were not on the same page, certainly not even in the same book. He may as well be in a different library altogether. I sighed.

Obviously, Morelli did not like being out of the spotlight. He wanted to vent some more. I knew that. It was expected. It was all part of his MO, his special performance. He was frustrated. Just like my mother, he wanted to be in the spotlight while humiliating me at the same time. Ah. There you go. My phone pinged with an incoming alert. Missed call. Tsk. Too bad. Another ping. That would be a message. I was imagining it being like a Howler from Harry Potter and smiled. Nope. Not going to respond. Not now. Not later. Oh. A second message. Dearie me. I'm sure that won't be the last from her.

Why the hell does he do that? Telling my mum. It's like what Valerie used to do, tattle tales. Time to grow up Morelli! I am adulting here and he is going berserk because nobody is listening to him. Nobody is acknowledging his perspective, which, of course, is completely ass about anyway. Idiot!

Maybe I should send him an invoice, for stress relief services and mental health care, since he uses me, and these situations, to destress. Vent and release pressure, like a pressure cooker. Whatever. He probably has his Maalox on a fixed order, a bulk order. I am not his responsibility, never was and never will be. The Maalox is all on him. Not my fault. Not my problem. Maalox Man. Pfft. I wonder if he has bought shares in the company?

"Look!" He pointed in exasperation, with his arms spanned wide like a showgirl on Wheel of Fortune, or The Price is Right.

We all looked at the cars concertina-ed together, mine and the elderly man's vehicles nose to nose, no longer smouldering, but definitely looking very charred. None of us showed any emotion. We had already been through that earlier, staring at the wreckage before he arrived, while calmly sipping that welcome coffee. Part of me was in disbelief that this had happened to me, again. Yes, it has been a while. I must confess that I was in a bit of a daze initially, while surveying the wreckage, so weird, so random. Maybe this is how it feels to have an out of body experience? Looking at the big picture. It could have happened to anybody. But now? I was clear-headed, not in shock, no longer feeling disassociated. Coffee helps. Time to reflect and analyse the whole scenario, weird and wonderful as it was. Calmly. Having the support and strength, even from virtual strangers, is remarkably fortifying. Morelli was anything but calm. He was losing control, again.

Predictably, Morelli stamped his foot in frustration, gesturing once more with emphasis at the spectacular auto sculpture.

Hearing a disgruntled growl emanating from Donna, I watched as she walked closer, deliberately eyeing the wreckage slowly from end to end, and back again, nodding her head, before looking at Morelli.

"Finally," he sneered, "you're on the same page."

With his derisive tone, that statement did not impress her, at all. Raising just one eyebrow, her silent look of indifference spoke loudly of her repugnance at his ridiculous pontificating.

"Did you say you were a detective?" Donna asked slowly and pointedly, which jolted him for a moment. Obviously, it wasn't the response he was expecting.

I chuckled at her deliberate segue-like diversion. In contrast to his rapid diatribe and repeat demands to listen, and see things from his perspective, she spoke slowly, enunciating each phrase and question carefully. She'd had enough of his tantrum.

"Ah yes. You did say you were a detective, from Trenton PD. I have to wonder why you are even here? Detective Morelli? In what capacity?"

She paused deliberately while he caught his breath.

"Are you here for Vice or Homicide? There was nothing necessitating Vice to be called, nor was there a Homicide. Neither of those warrants your presence, Detective Morelli. It was an accident, in the true sense of the word. A motor vehicle accident. Besides, you are way out of your jurisdiction. From all appearances, you are nothing but a nuisance with all this interference. Your performance is most unprofessional. Frankly, I am unimpressed. As you can see, my team has the situation under control. Furthermore, you have shown no concern for the victims or the people involved, let alone offered any assistance."

Typically, he ignored her scathing, cool appraisal. What an idiot. I rolled my eyes. Damn. She was good. Donna nailed it.

"She is notorious for causing scenes like this!"

"She?"

"Stephanie!" He was annoyed with her line of questioning and her astute observations.

"I don't believe that for one bit. I have read the stories, where coincidentally, if I recall correctly, you are frequently quoted with harsh criticism of her in 'scenes like this'."

Here she used the virtual quotation marks with her fingers in the air, still talking slowly in sharp contrast to his rapid rhetoric. The contrast of his fury versus her calm demeanour was interesting to watch.

"But, Detective Morelli, you were not even here. You were not a witness. No one has requested your presence at this scene. It was an accident. You have made wild assumptions, which, frankly, are completely wrong. Absolutely, erroneously, incorrect, Detective Morelli. Furthermore, you didn't even ask if Stephanie was alright. I am surprised at you."

"What do you mean? It's obvious!" Again, he pointed to the vehicular sculpture.

He still wasn't listening. Yep. Making a first class Ass of himself, that was obvious. He doesn't like being held to account.

Donna's tone was firm yet superior, talking slowly like she would to a petulant child.

"What is obvious to me is that you are reading this accident scene incorrectly, in every possible aspect. Detective, eh? Hmph. I am appalled at your interpretation which is full of bias and preconceived misinformation, based on an alleged history of half-truths and spin. That spin, which was actively promoted by you and that pathetic gossiping media rag that calls itself The Trenton Times. One can't help but think that you might be consorting with one of their junior reporters to always be quoted directly, or frequently referred to as the 'reliable source', Detective Morelli."

At this point he was starting to go red in the face. Yup. I think she hit a home run on that supposition. Cal and Lester were watching all this with absolute delight. Morelli getting his ass reamed, by a woman, a woman of higher authority, was brilliant. I really like Donna.

He was seething. The vein on his forehead was pulsing.

Ignoring her insinuations, he suddenly reached to grab my arm, "Come on, Cupcake, I am taking you home. I've had enough of this bullshit." He yanked on my arm, but before Lester could intervene, Donna signalled for him to stand down as two of her officers had restrained Morelli, forcing the release of his painful grip on my arm. They'd been standing just behind him it seems, on standby.

"Why the hell would I want to go home with you? I don't trust you anymore, Joe."

He tried to unleash his fury once more and found himself face down on the bonnet of his POS, handcuffed and having his Miranda rights read to him.

"You are under arrest for interfering in the investigation of a motor vehicle accident, assault on Miss Plum, bringing disgrace to your badge, and resisting arrest. Do you understand the charges, Detective Morelli?" Donna asserted firmly.

Reluctantly, still enraged while spouting profanities, after the charges were repeated to him once more, he nodded.

"You need to speak the words."

"Yes!" He uttered grudgingly through gritted teeth, glaring viciously at me, before one of her officers strategically blocked his view. The officers were about to take him to their vehicle, when Donna halted them.

"Just a moment. For your information Detective Morelli, I will explain to you how this accident scene happened, since I am also a victim, as well as a witness."

She glared at Morelli, patiently waiting until he conceded he was ready to listen, resentfulness evident with this process. He was brought up to a standing position.

"Three vehicles were parked here, legally, one behind the other: Stephanie's car, mine and a third vehicle, belonging to a couple who were inside the diner. At the same time as that man Marty tried to carjack Stephanie's car, by throwing her out of her vehicle onto the ground, an elderly man had a medical episode where he lost consciousness, driving headlong off the road before coming to a crashing halt into Stephanie's parked vehicle. Remarkably he did not encounter any oncoming traffic as he crossed over from the other side of the road. Do you understand that part, Detective Morelli?"

His anger was still evident. She folded her arms, waiting for him to absorb that information, and then realisation hit him.

"Stephanie was not driving her car, nor was she in her car. She was the victim of a carjacking as the crash happened. Do you get it?"

"Fuck."

"Yes. You fucked up big time, Detective Morelli."

Once again, she paused until he looked at her, knowing there was more to come. He grimaced, obviously not wanting to hear the rest.

"Fortunately, Stephanie was not seriously hurt but she was quick to call in all the first responders, even before I had my phone out, while securing the wannabe carjacker to her steering wheel. My daughter and I were in the diner ordering coffee. She then ran to check on the elderly driver, but seeing that Natalie and I had rushed out to assist with him, she checked the other two vehicles. Astutely, she grabbed her dashcams, front and back, for evidence of how this entire debacle unfolded. Then, a despicable, reckless passer-by, that idiot over there," Donna indicated to the smoker who had tossed the cigarette butt, standing cuffed by the other police cruiser, "was the reckless cause of the fire. When the fire started to reach her car, Stephanie then rescued her carjacker whom she had stun-gunned. In addition, she gave articulate reports to the firemen and my officers, immediately handing over the dashcam footage."

Morelli hung his head, annoyed and dare I say, embarrassed that he was made to eat humble pie.

"Then, all of a sudden, you come storming in with your pathetic, outrageous and patronising misogynistic critique, not understanding how brave and efficient Stephanie was in ensuring everyone, including myself and my daughter, were safe. I am citing her for a bravery award. I am disappointed in your performance. It was a disgraceful display of invective and contempt and poor policing."

She paused, looking him straight in the eye as she stepped closer.

"By the way. I was at an inter county seminar, for the past two days, coincidentally hosted by the Trenton PD. Specifically, it was about community policing strategies, you know, ethics, legality, responsibility and trust, including anger management. Chief Juniak and I have worked towards these issues over many years. I will be apprising him of your despicable attitude and behaviour in my report which will accompany your charges. Take him away."

Cal ceased filming. His grin was like the cat that caught the canary.

A belligerent Morelli was taken away and shoved into the other police cruiser while his POS was moved into a proper parking bay. It was kind of weird, yet quite satisfying seeing Morelli get publicly berated, but especially by someone in higher authority like Lieutenant Donna Benson. There was no ranting, just the Lieutenant firmly stating the facts. That she felt compelled to explain what actually happened was surprising, making sure he went away with an official, unbiased, proper police report summary.

Wow. That was worth waiting for.

"Thank you, Stephanie. I am very impressed with your actions. You may go."

"C'mon, Beautiful. We will take you home. We can go via the TPD and drop your skip off," he said proudly as he draped a comforting arm across my shoulders. "I'm sure you will want to press charges for his attempted carjacking."

"Thank you, Donna. Natalie, you too," I smiled as Donna handed me her business card, and I reciprocated with my Rangeman business card.

"I encourage you to press charges for his assault on you, by both of them. Keep in touch, Stephanie." I nodded. "Have her checked out, just in case," she suggested to Lester and Cal, shaking hands with them. I waved goodbye and melted into Lester's side, relieved it was over.

"I have arranged for a flatbed to collect your car remains after the insurance people approve its removal. Vince and Binkie should be here shortly to supervise," Cal explained.

He opened the glove compartment and much to my delight, we shared some sweet snacks on the drive back to Trenton. I sipped some water and suddenly realised I was quite tired after all that drama. Adrenaline spike come down.

"You were amazingly cool while Morelli was spouting his shit. So proud of you with all that you did. It's nice to know that the Lieutenant understood what Morelli's true rep was."

I smiled.

"I channelled my inner Ranger," to which they burst out laughing, knowing exactly what I meant.

We were quiet for a few miles when something made me wonder out loud.

"How is it that Morelli knew where I was, and that my car was involved in an accident? It's not like we're in the Burg. I wonder if someone in one of the diners called him?"

"Yes. We've been wondering the same. It's been over a year now, yet he still suddenly pops up with any conflict situations, of which there have been very few. Do you think he's been stalking you?" Lester asked the leading question. "Perhaps he has a tracker on your car again. When we get back to Haywood, we'll look into that and put it on the next meeting agenda. If there is a tracker, and it survived the crash and the fire, I'm sure that Hector will find it."

"I'll send a text to Vince and Binkie to check the ground around the charred remains," added Cal.

"Good idea."

Marty was very cooperative as I walked him into the station, while Lester and Cal followed in behind us, for moral support. With avid eyes there was a distinct buzz of excitement tracking our arrival. Confusion, as a few scratched their heads. Disappointment was evident, because of the photos Morelli had sent. At the charge desk, I showed the required documentation for Marty being FTA, cuffing him to the bench. I reported and documented the extra charge of his attempted carjacking and assault, this afternoon which enabled his capture. As I was making the assault charge against Morelli, Chief Juniak emerged from his office, sporting a huge grin.

"Nice work, Stephanie. Sorry to hear about your car being crunched and fried because of the unfortunate accident. But you captured yourself a nice FTA because of his own stupidity. Seems he picked the wrong person to carjack today. But, seriously, are you okay?"

"Yes, I am alright, Uncle Joe. Just a few bumps and bruises is all. But these guys will make sure that the Rangeman medic will do an assessment when I get back."

"Good to hear. This carjacker has been quite notorious, often wielding a knife. You were lucky."

"No. He just didn't know who he was picking!" Lester chuckled.

"Now, tell me about Morelli, Stephanie. You are pressing charges, right? From what I hear, he was off his tree going apeshit once again. It's been a while. What the hell was he doing over there in New Brunswick?"

"Yes. I am pressing charges. All that hot air and rooster strutting with his inane judgments. But he crossed the line when he grabbed me so forcefully. I'll be sporting bruises from that and a tender shoulder. I don't understand his need to constantly appear and then kick up such a brouhaha over something he knows nothing about." I lamented.

"It has become an obsession with him that's gone beyond the bounds of acceptable behaviour. He ought to know better. Do you think he's stalking you?"

"That's funny you should say that. It's exactly what Lester asked me on the drive back here. Either there was someone in the diner, or he has a tracker on my car. I'm over it. How many charges does that make now?"

"Too many. Lieutenant Benson knows his type and he won't be able to charm his way out of the charges with her. She's ferocious. It's quite ironic how he displayed his cock-strutting performance in front of her. She was scathing in her report just now on the phone to me. I have the written report already on my desk."

I smirked. "Yes, She was less than impressed. His face was priceless when she out-badged him. He doesn't know when to shut his mouth. It was embarrassing. Not for me, I just ignored it."

"You're absolutely right, it is embarrassing. To be honest, it's a disgrace. With all that cock-strutting performance, thanks to Cal here for sending me a copy, by the way, it is pathetic. There's a word for that, you know." He grinned with a twinkle in his eye.

I gave him the look of encouragement. He was amused but also serious.

"It's loosely called an adult tantrum. For real. His behaviour is perfectly described and cited in the anger management research we were discussing at the seminar over the last two days, with our leading partners from other state and regional PDs," Uncle Joe added.

"Well, that fits. It was a tantrum of huge proportions." I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, it was. Coincidentally, it comes under the same category as road rage, and, domestic violence."

"Oh. I didn't expect that."

"You know, I never thought of that, but it fits," Lester remarked with Cal agreeing.

"Technically, it is called Intermittent Explosive Disorder, which involves repeated, sudden bouts of impulsive, aggressive, violent behaviour or angry verbal outbursts. In our community policing pursuits, we encounter that a lot. That Morelli repeatedly displays such tantrums, especially targeting you Stephanie, is reprehensible. He's already been in anger management therapy but it has failed to sink in."

"Apparently. Pfft. I could just roll my eyes and say it's a Burg thing, going hand in hand with denial. It fits. Jeez. Intermittent Explosive Disorder. Wow. Those performances of his always reminded me of a temper tantrum. Road rage and domestic violence you say? Boy. I really dodged a bullet there."

All three men nodded.

"IED?" Lester looked knowingly at Cal. They both nodded and laughed. "It fits!"

"Now go home and don't worry about the fallout. It's all on him. Have a good evening, Stephanie. Lester, Cal."

"Thanks Uncle Joe. You too."

That was quite illuminating and… I was speechless. I was a bit dazed.

Cal ruffled my hair as he held the door open for me to get into the SUV. I must have walked outside on auto pilot.

"Take me home, Lester."

"Yes, Ma'am!" He grinned cheekily.

Bobby was not happy when he saw the bruises on my arm as I removed my t-shirt. He took photos, as evidence, and was very thorough in checking me over. My Merry Men wouldn't let me brush it off as minor injuries. Let's face it, I have had worse. That didn't go down well at all. They humoured me with that look, as if they were wearing reading glasses.

"Okay. I surrender. Do your medic thing, Bobby. I'm sorry."

After a thorough shoulder massage, finding the mute buttons on the tender pressure points, Bobby was satisfied. He chuckled smugly as I was suddenly silenced with the unexpected pain I felt as he inspected my arm and shoulder where Morelli had yanked me. He also checked my neck, before releasing me. No whiplash, thankfully.

"I recommend light duties. Tank, call Vinnie and say Stephanie is unavailable due to injury."

Oh. I didn't expect that. The microwave pinged and he handed me two heat packs, one for my back and one for the back of my neck. Oh nice.

"I like the sound of that," Tank grinned with a wicked glint in his eye. "Vinnie is due for a chat. You know, this would be the right cue to completely withdraw from Vincent Plum Bail Bonds, Stephanie. Think about it while Bobby sets your new physiotherapy recovery program. While you rest and recover, we can discuss and consider an alternate work role here at Rangeman. You could still do field work, and research, but there are other options."

Hm. Food for thought. Tank's suggestion had merit.

Speaking of cues, my stomach chose that moment to rumble. I rolled my eyes.

"Come on, Beautiful. Let's go upstairs and feed that beast." Lester chuckled as he ushered me out of Bobby's clinic towards the elevator.

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