Hey guys! We're back with the next chapter of Caladwen's story. I really hope you are all enjoying this so far. I have to say, now that we are getting close to the end of the Hobbit story, this is going to be put on a brief hiatus, just so I can get a few more chapters raring to go. I'm sorry to have to keep you waiting again, but I would rather keep you all waiting a little longer and get the chapters done ahead of time, rather than wait and procrastinate with it and not get anything done. I hope you can all forgive me and thank you for you patience, love and support, it means the world to me xx
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LILI DURIN – Yep, everyone is back in Erebor, or will be back in Erebor now, just a little more to go before everyone can live their lives as normal, without the threat of Azog, Smaug or sickness in the way.
Chapter 28
For the next few days, the dwarves and I travel towards the Lonely Mountain, having reached land the day before yesterday. Fili leads us across the land and is doing a wonderful job at that, I can tell Thorin has certainly taught him well, with him being next in line for the throne. He is always making sure that we are all alright, that there is no trouble and when we have made camp during the night, he does a quick parameter check to make sure we are safe. I can tell he will be a great King one day.
On the third day, we walk across the lands, going past the once glorious city of Dale, but now it is in ruins. The desolation of Smaug. As we are walking, I stop and stare at the city, remembering the last time I was here, on the day it all happened, riding through the city on Melda as I stared in horror at all the bodies, fire and smoke that ravaged the vulnerable city.
After what feels like years, we finally reach the mountain, father halting his elk on top of a hill beside the Kingdom. I gasp in sorrow and horror as I see the city of Dale burning and in ruins, fire engulfing the city. Turning my gaze to Erebor, I see fire burning the ground as well as burning the entrance, smoke and fire coming from within.
Hundreds of dwarrows, dams and dwarflings running from within. I scan the survivors, hoping to see Thorin, his family and my friends make It out. It is then I breathe a sigh of relief as I see Thorin staggering out, his father in his arms. Passing the older dwarf to another as he helps others to escape, before spotting us. I see him smile in relief as he waves to us.
"HELP US!"
I turn to my father, waiting for him to give the order to go down, but I frown as he hesitates. Why is he hesitating? We need to help them! Looking to Thorin, I see him also frowning in confusion. Our eyes meet for a moment before I turn back to father in time for him to look away, turning his elk and riding away from the mountain, the elves following.
"Adar! What are you doing!?" I ask in shock and surprise.
I look back to Thorin before turning my horse and riding after father, stopping her in front of his elk to stop him, which he does.
"Father, what are you doing? We have to help them!"
"We do not have to do anything. I warned Thror of what his greed would bring, of what would become of them, but he would not listen. And now he is paying the price."
"And you're just going to let his people suffer because of it!?"
"His people are not my concern. He should have thought about them long before."
"But, they'll die!"
"Yes, they will die. Today, tomorrow, one year hence, a hundred years from now - what does it matter? They are mortal. Now come, we were leaving."
He moves his elk around me, reaching out to take my horses reins. I quickly move Melda out of the way of his reach, staring at my father in disbelief. This is not my father, he is not the elf I know. My father, although he can be rough around the edges, he is the kindest and most compassionate elf I know – apart from Legolas that is – how could he just turn away from those in need?
Still hearing the screams of those affected by the dragon, I now know where my path leads and it is with the dwarves, with my beloved Thorin, I will not let them down. I narrow my eyes towards my father.
"You might not care for the lives of the dwarves, but I do!"
And with that, I pull Melda's reins while squeezing my legs to get her moving, sending her charging back to the hill, dodging out of the way of the elves after father orders them to stop me.
Melda leaps off the edge of the hill, stumbling slightly as she hits the ground and slides down the rest of the way until she stops on level ground. I pat her neck as she rests a moment, giving me a chance to look back towards the hill, luckily my father nor the other elves came to drag me back. I do not regret my decision in any way, my heart is now and forever with Thorin.
Once she's ready, I get Melda's to walk forward, my gaze moving towards Erebor and the now sealed gate. I can only pray that everyone has made it out alright. . .closing my eyes, I pray for anyone that might be trapped inside, hoping that they do not suffer too much.
I turn Melda and get her to gallop towards Dale and we ride through the now eerily silent city. I look around at the destruction, not able to see far because of the smoke, but I still see the bodied of men, women and children, both of menfolk and dwarves. I pray for their safe passage to the halls of their ancestors before riding on ahead, leaving the city of Dale behind.
"Cal?" I hear Bofur's voice call.
Pulling myself out of my thoughts, I look over and see he and the others have stopped and are looking back at me. Fili steps forward, looking at me in concern.
"Are you alright? You're crying."
I quickly wipe away the tears I had not noticed had fallen. I clear throat before joining them.
"I am fine. Do not worry. . .just memories."
He nods as he turns and continues leading the way, the rest of us following.
After about an hour, we climb up the steps to the gates where we stop in shock and fear as we see the destruction Smaug must have caused as he smashed through the front gate when he flew to Laketown. We all look to each other before we run into the halls of Erebor.
"Hello! Bombur? Bifur? Anybody?" Bofur calls out before hurrying on as we follow.
I lead the way as we clamber through the halls, knowing which way to go as we look for the others. As we run down a staircase, Bilbo runs up towards us from another part of the city, calling out.
"WAIT! WAIT!"
I breathe a sigh of relief as I see him. Thank the Valar! They're alive!
"It's Bilbo! He's alive!" Oin exclaims.
"Stop! Stop! Stop!"
Bilbo runs up to us as we stop on a stairwell.
"You need to leave. We all need to leave."
"We only just got here?!" Bofur protests.
"I have tried talking to him, but he won't listen."
"What do you mean, laddie?" Oin asks.
"THORIN!" His raises voice makes us all jump and my attention is instantly on him. "Thorin. Thorin. He's been down there for days. He doesn't sleep. He barely eats. He's not been himself - not at all. It's this - It's this place. I think a sickness lies on it."
I stopped listening when Bilbo said he's been down there for days, knowing exactly where 'there' is. Throin had spoke to me his concerns about his grandfather before Smaug first attacked, how he would lock himself in the treasure hall. . .he swore to me he would not let it take him. . .
"Sickness? What kind of sickness?" Kili asks.
Before anyone can say anything, I run past the group, running further down into Erebor, Fili right behind me. Bilbo and the others run after us, trying to stop us.
"Caladwen! Fili! Wait!"
As we continue heading down, a golden light begins to be visible on the walls. We round a corner, and the others stop short at the sight of Smaug's treasure, heaped so high over the floor of the cavern that the ground is barely visible.
I stop at the end with the others, looking around the hall, remembering the last time I was in here. Thorin had brought me down here to show me around. I was in awe then, having never seen anything like it in my life. Piles and piles of gold, jewels and other trinkets lying about neatly. But now. . .it makes me feel ill and angry at how it can affect dwarves, especially Thror and Thorin.
My hearing suddenly picks up movement, turning my head I freeze and stare as Thorin slowly strides out of a doorway, dressed in ornate robes and covered in jewelry. He looks more like Thror in this moment than any other time before. Thror in his madness that is. Thorin begins speaking softly, apparently to himself. He looks strange, almost possessed, and the others look at him in surprise, myself in sadness and disappointment.
"Gold - Gold beyond measure. Beyond sorrow and grief."
Thorin looks up and finally notices the rest of us standing here.
"Behold - the great treasure hoard of Thror."
He suddenly flings something high into the air to where we are standing, and Fili catches it. It is a giant blood red jewel.
"Welcome, my sister's sons, to the kingdom of Erebor."
I just watch as Thorin turns and walks away, feeling the sadness really hit. There was nothing from him, no relief or happiness at seeing us, at seeing that we survived the dragon attack on Lake Town. That his nephews were alive. . .that I was alive.
I then feel Kili take my hand, but I do not take my eyes from where Thorin was standing as he leads me away until we leave the treasure hall.
After walking around for a while, Bilbo leads us to a room and I smile as I see Balin and Dwalin at a table.
"Balin!" Bofur exclaims.
Balin spins around as Dwalin looks up and big smiles appear on their faces as they see us. Dwalin instantly embraces Bofur as Nori runs down some stairs and hugs Kili. Everyone is laughing and cheering as we reunite with one another.
As the other dwarves appear, Balin and I embrace, both of us wearing wide smiles on our faces.
"I'm so happy to see you, Caladwen. To see you all safe."
"As am I to see you all safe, Balin."
We pull away and although I can see the happiness at seeing us all, I can tell it is not true happiness. I see the worry in his eyes.
"It has taken him, has it not?"
He sighs, knowing exactly who I mean without having to say his name.
"I'm afraid so lass. He's been in the treasure hall ever since Smaug's defeat. He doesn't eat or sleep unless we force him to. He spends all his time trying to find the Arkenstone. I had hoped that he wouldn't succumb to the illness."
I nod. "So had I. But, we cannot give up. Maybe we can get him out of it."
"I hope you are right, lass. I really do."
Later on that day, Thorin has everyone in the treasure hall to look for the Arkenstone. I am standing in the doorway of the treasury as I watch the dwarves combing through the piles of treasure.
"Any sign of it!?" Thorin calls out from a walkway above.
"Nothing yet!" Dwalin replies.
"Nothing here." Ori confirms.
"Keep searching!" Thorin orders.
"That jewel could be anywhere!" Gloin complains.
"The Arkenstone is in these halls - find it!"
"You heard him - Keep looking!" Dwalin shouts out.
"All of you - No one rests until it is found!"
I leave the room, not able to witness this any longer. I know that the Arkenstone is important to Thorin and to Erebor, but thanks to the sickness, he has become obsessed with it.
Ever since the dwarves and I arrived, I have not had a single with him, and it hurts me, as I am sure it does Fili and Kili, who also haven't had any time with him. I love Thorin dearly, but I don't know how long I can go on with him being this way. I only hope there was a way to bring back the Throin we all know and love.
My walk takes me to the battlements where I see Bilbo sitting on a rock staring at the Arkenstone! I am not at all surprised to see he has it, and not that much in a hurry to run and tell Thorin, in fact, I do not want him to know at all. Maybe if he did not have it, he could get better, we could snap him out of it.
I just stand against a stone pillar next to him, leaning back onto it with my arms across my chest and my right foot against the pillar as I stare out at Dale. Bilbo has yet to notice my presence.
"I did not imagine this to go this way." I speak after a few moments, causing Bilbo to jump out of his skin and almost drop the gem.
"C-Caladwen!" Bilbo exclaims as he stands and pockets the gem. "I-I can explain!"
I just continue to stare out, not at all bothered about hearing an explanation. "I imagined that once we had retaken Erebor and Smaug was defeated, everything would go back to how it was all those years ago. Thorin would go back to how he was when I first met him and together we would rebuild this city to it's former glory. . .I did not foresee this happening. . .I did not foresee him falling like his grandfather. . ."
Bilbo stays silent as I talk, not wanting to interrupt me from vocalising my thoughts. I push myself from the pillar and turn to him.
"Can I see it?"
He looks to me in hesitation, and I know why.
"I am not going to tell him, or take it, I promise. I just want a closer look at it."
He gives me another look before he reaches into his pocket, once making sure we are alone, and holds it out to me. I kneel in front of him and gently take the gem from him to hold.
The last time I saw this stone was a hundred and seventy years ago, clipped into Thror's throne for all to see. To see it close up, I can see why he claimed this as the King's Jewel. It is truly a remarkable and beautiful thing to lay eyes on. Just watching the colours swirl together and how it glows. . .it is truly beautiful.
"It's hard to imagine that we have come all this way for this little thing." I look to him. "I am surprised you have not given this to him."
He looks down. "I was going to give it to him, but I remembered something Smaug said to me."
I raise a brow at this. "What did he say?"
"He said; 'I am almost tempted to let you take it, if only to see Oakenshield suffer, watch it destroy him, watch it corrupt his heart and drive him mad.' I'm beginning to see that he was right."
I go quiet for a moment before looking down to the gem. "Unfortunately, the dragon is right. I fear that madness has already taken Thorin from us." turning back to Bilbo, I give him the gem to put back in his pocket, which he does. "Bilbo, promise me, that under no circumstances that you will give this to Thorin and as soon as you are able, get rid of it."
He looks to me for a moment before he nods. "I promise."
I smile. "Good. And it will be our little secret, alright? No one else must know about this."
He nods as we both go back inside. Maybe now things will continue for the better. . .little did I realise how wrong I will be.
The next few days go by quickly and it is mostly spent looking for the Arkenstone, which will end up futile since Bilbo has it, but obviously I can't reveal that.
During that time, I have also tried to get through to Thorin, to hopefully try to bring him out of his madness, which is to no avail, as it eventually ends up I a shouting match from Thorin and me eventually giving in and leaving him to it.
Balin, Dwalin and Bilbo are always there's to comfort me after these moments, which I do appreciate, but I don't let it get to me, or at least I try not to let it get to me. I need to be strong, for the others sake.
It's during one of these arguments which Balin, Dwalin and Bilbo interrupt, as the two of us are in the throne room. I had tried yet again for Thorin to give everyone a rest, to just focus on the mountain for now, but he will hear none of it.
I stop speaking as I see the three of them walking towards us, Bilbo joining us besides the throne.
Thorin turns to the two dwarves. "Have you found it?"
Balin shakes his head. "Not yet, Thorin."
Thorin just turns back to the throne, leaning his hands onto the arms of it.
"It is here in these halls. . .I know it." Thorin says, a lilt of longing in his voice.
"We have searched and searched. . ." Dwalin tries to reason.
"Not well enough!"
"Thorin, we all would see the stone returned."
"And yet, it is still not FOUND!"
I wince as he exclaims found, his voice echoing loudly around the halls of the throne room. There's silence for a moment.
"Do you doubt the loyalty of anyone here?" Balin asks, causing me to eye him, then Bilbo before looking to Thorin.
Thorin turns and slowly walks toward Balin and Dwalin.
"The Arkenstone is the birthright of our people."
"It is the King's Jewel. AM I NOT THE KING?!"
I wince once again as he shouts, never having heard him shout like this before. Well. . .other than when we were in the throne hall of Mirkwood, but even then, he did not speak with this much anger and malice. As Thorin turns away, Balin, Dwalin, Bilbo and I all look uneasy.
"Know this - If anyone should find it and withhold it from me, I will be avenged."
As Thorin walks away, Bilbo looks very disgruntled, and only the two of us know why.
Once I have left the throne room, I find myself walking through the familiar halls, just thinking about the confrontation with Thorin in the throne room. I had never heard him speak in such a way since I first met him, and it terrified me. It made me think that maybe we will lose Thorin for good, that he will never come back. That is something I cannot live with! I will get him back, I will stay by him, even if it kills me!
I soon come across the library and walk in, but soon stop. The once grand place to come and relax with a good book, is now in ruins. Dust, dirt and cobwebs covering the room, books and scrolls – some of which are tattered – now littering the ground as well as the shelves and tables. I look around sadly, spotting the couches by the fireplace I had once sat in with Thorin as we would either read together or just snuggle up with each other as we would find a rare moment for some quality time together. Walking over, I gently run a hand along the back of the couch, on the space where Thorin had once sat, a lone tear falling down my cheek and a small smile tugging at my lips as I remember the good times we had within this mountain.
I am startled out of my remembrance as I hear a weeping sound. Brushing the tear from my face, I follow the sound and stop as I see Baling in a back room. His back is to me, but I can see his shoulders shaking as he sobs to himself. Hearing this breaks my heart, and to know Thorin is the cause of it, causes a coldness to go through me that I never thought I would feel for him. Though. . .I cannot really blame him for this, I blame the dragon sickness, I blame Smaug for causing so much grieve and sadness. Even in death he is still causing pain.
"Balin?"
He jumps slightly and turns to me. "Oh, Caladwen, I did not hear you come in lass." he turns back as he tries to hide his tears.
I walk over to him and turn him to face me before putting my arms around him in an embrace. "You do not have to hide your sadness from me, my friend. I too feel your pain."
He wraps his arms around me both of us taking comfort from each others company.
"You are a stronger person than I, lass. How you have not broken down yet, I do not know."
I smile as I look to him once I pull back. "One of us has to be strong during these dark times. We are already losing our king, I cannot stand aside and let you all lose hope."
He smiles back as he takes my hands into his. "Spoken like a true queen."
He bows over and kisses my right hand, causing me to chuckle.
"Ever the flatterer, Balin."
He smiles as he stands and turns to the shelves, breathing deeply to pull himself together. I stay behind him and keep my hands on his shoulders. Looking around at the sound of footsteps, we see Bilbo walking over.
"Dragon-sickness – We've seen it before." Balin begins as he turns to the Hobbit. "That look. That terrible need. It is a fierce and jealous love, Bilbo. It sent his grandfather mad."
Bilbo stands with us. "Balin, if-if Thorin. . .had the Arkenstone. . ." Bilbo slightly cocks his head, giving Balin a pointed look. I tense slightly, wondering what he is doing. Looking to Balin, he looks surprised, understanding Bilbo's implication, understanding that our burglar does indeed have the Arkenstone. He looks to me and I give a slight nod before he looks back to Bilbo. ". . .if it was found - Would it help?"
"That stone crowns all. It is the summit of this great wealth, bestowing power upon he who bears it. Will it stay his madness? No, laddie; I fear it would make it worse. Perhaps it is best that it remains lost."
Balin raises his eyebrow at Bilbo. That is a look I know to say; 'do not give him the Arkenstone.'
Bilbo and I leave the room together, to leave Balin to his thoughts and we sit on a bench together.
"You are so lucky he did not go to Thorin." I say without looking at him.
"I know. But I had to know. . .I had to try. And besides, I know we can trust Balin."
I smile. "That we can."
He smiles back before he reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out an acorn. I smile as I remember him picking it up when we were walking in Beorn's garden.
"What is that?!"
We bolt up as we hear Thorin. Looking around, we see him striding rapidly towards us.
"Thorin, just wait a moment." I say to him, my hands raised.
He ignores me, his attention fully on Bilbo. "In your hand!"
Bilbo tries to reassure him. "It-It's nothing."
"Show me."
He holds his hand out, revealing the acorn laying on his palm. "I picked it up in Beorn's garden."
I look to Thorin to see him looking from Bilbo to the acorn and back in surprise.
"You've carried it all this way."
"I'm gonna plant it in my garden, in Bag End."
His anger fading, Thorin smiles fondly at Bilbo, his eyes softening, to which I have to smile at. I can now see my old Thorin coming back. The smile that made me fall in love with him, the happy glint in his eye. That gave me hope. He is still in there.
"That's a poor prize to take back to the Shire."
"One day it'll grow. And every time I look at it, I'll remember - Remember everything that happened, the good, the bad. And how lucky I am that I made it home."
The three of us all smile. I even feel Thorin taking my hand, which makes me smile more. I stand beside him and lay my head on his shoulder, feeling a happy jolt in the pit of my stomach when he places a loving kiss to my temple.
"Thorin, I. . ."
Suddenly, Dwalin comes up and interrupts him.
"Thorin, survivors...from Laketown. They are streaming into Dale. There's hundreds of them."
Feeling Thorin tense, I look up and see the smile has faded into a dark, uncompromising expression. We have lost him again.
"Call everyone to the gate." he lets go of my hand and strides off. "TO THE GATE! NOW!"
I let out a sigh of frustration as Dwalin follows him.
"He was there, Bilbo. . .our Thorin was there. . ." I choke back a sob, feeling the tears forming in my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall.
Bilbo places a hand on my arm. "Hey, it's going to be alright. We will get him back somehow. I promise. Just like you told me, we just have to have hope. Yes?"
I smile and nod, pulling myself together. "Yes. You are right. Thank you."
He smiles back as we embrace one another before we leave for the gate.
After working through the day, evening and late into the night, we have been working on blocking up the entrance that Smaug broke through, now having it halfway completed, after spending most of the day building pulley systems to lift the heavier stones. Some of the dwarves carry rocks by hand while other use the help of various pulleys and other machines. Kili, Bilbo and I walk over with a cart full of rocks in various sizes.
Thorin walks in from a side corridor, walking over to stand on the wall. "I want this fortress made safe by sunup. This mountain was hard won - I will not see it taken again."
Kili drops the end of the cart he is pulling. "The people of Laketown have nothing." Thorin looks over to his nephew as he talks. "They came to us in need. They have lost everything."
"Do not tell me what they have lost. I know well enough their hardship. Those who have lived through dragonfire should rejoice. They have much to be grateful for."
Thorin looks out at the city of Dale, where many fires can be seen lit by the people. He then turns and shouts to his dwarves.
"More stone! BRING MORE STONE TO THE GATE!"
I look on in despair. Thorin is now no longer the dwarf that I fell in love with. Looking around, I see the others obeying the orders of a madman, the wall blocking us in the mountain gradually getting higher and higher.
Not being able to witness this any longer, I turn and run from the hall. I run and run through the halls, trying to find some place to be alone. I soon come across the guardroom we had cleared out a few days ago and sit in a corner, wrapping my arms around my knees which I pull up to my chest.
I just sit in thought, thinking that if I knew this would happen, I do not know if I would have accepted the invitation to join the quest. I had lost Thorin once already, and now I am losing him again to the Dragon Sickness that once claimed his grandfather. . .the same sickness he once swore he would never have as he would not be his grandfather. My thoughts go back to what my father said to me in Mirkwood a couple weeks ago, his voice seems to taunt me.
"Do you really think that love is real? Do you think he will be there for you, to love you as you think he does? He is just like his grandfather, soon enough, his greed will become too much and he will forget all about you, leave you to live out the rest of your long life alone, trapped in your own tomb of stone. Stop now, before it is too late."
Maybe father was right all along. . .my Thorin is lost. . .the dwarf I once knew is no more, replaced by someone I do not like, love or want to be near anymore. I do not know if he can ever return. . .I just wanted my Thorin back.
Then, for the first time in a long time, my walls finally crack, and laying my head into my knees, I cry. I once again weep for my beloved, weep for the future we could and should have had. . .all the while losing some of the hope I had tried to instil into the dwarves. I do not know what to do anymore. . .what I can do.
And there we have it, things aren't looking good right now for anyone. Things can only look up from here. . .right?