PROBLEMATIC

Chapter 13

oOoOo

There it is. Ranger. He was more than problematic, but on a totally different scale or continuum to all those aforementioned others who and which were on the negative boundaries of my life. Those no longer existed in my life as I had discarded and banished them.

The night visits. In the beginning, I thought it was because I had a dream about him, but I couldn't quite figure it out. Like I realised quite early on not long after meeting him, he's the kind of guy who slips into a girl's dreams and desires and refuses to leave. While I was experiencing a drought, the dreams were quite welcome, until I woke up. Sigh.

However, it was the lingering fragrance of that distinctive cologne, or was it his shower gel? I found it to be a most enticing yet subtle fragrance. I never quite woke up, but my dreams were more erotic on those occasions. When I did awaken, I was slightly disappointed that it wasn't real with the other side of the bed decidedly cold, and empty, when I tentatively touched it.

I started noticing things, little things, like the chair. It sat in the corner beside my bed. Sometimes, on cooler nights, my dressing gown was draped over the arm rest. Other times, my jeans were flung there to rest until the morning. But the thing I noticed was that it had moved. The chair was in a slightly different position, closer to my bed.

Quite some time later, I woke up to find him, staring at me, sitting in that chair, in the middle of the night. Somehow, I must have sensed his presence, beyond just my dreams. When pressed, he admitted to being there on previous occasions. So, there he was, sitting in my bedside chair, that chair, which I now call 'his chair', once I made the connection. His weapons were on the dresser with his utility belt. Sometimes, he was in a trance like pose, with his fingers steepled, other times he was staring at me intently. Occasionally I detected a more open expression with a soft look in his eyes. It was special. Gone was the blank face that often slams down. Emotions, in a rare display, which were usually carefully disguised and hidden, took the fear factor edge off.

"Ranger?"

Silly question, since I knew instantly it had to be him as I rubbed the tingling sensation in my neck.

No answer.

"You're in my bedroom."

Silence.

"You broke in to my apartment?"

"Yes," he replied sheepishly.

"In the middle of the night?", to which he nodded.

He hedged and muttered under his breath in Spanish.

"Why?"

Silence.

"Ranger."

"Babe."

"Don't you Babe me! If I didn't like you so much, I'd say that it's kind of creepy. Disturbing in a way. Like, are you stalking me? I have to admit, if it was somebody else I'd be totally freaked out."

"Babe."

"Words, Ranger. Words, in a sentence."

By now, I was wide awake. He sighed. Did I break Batman, my mysterious man in black?

He chuckled lightly.

"No. I'm not stalking you, per se. Well, not in the same sense as your usual stalkers."

My usual stalkers. I couldn't help but scoff and roll my eyes at that remark. Another silent pause as I sat up, looking at him expectantly, slowly folding my arms. Even with the dim light from the bathroom, his expressions were highlighted clearly.

"You have yet to answer my question."

He looked like he was warring with confessing his true thoughts and something else like a misdirection, before he sighed again. Finally, lifting his head to look me in the eye, he spoke softly.

"To be honest, I like to come here, in the night, and watch you sleep."

Oh. My mouth made the lovely round O shape. I was speechless. Should I be angry? Flattered? Annoyed? Worried? I was confused.

"Somehow, watching you, and listening to you sleep, centres me." He cradled his head in his hands and ran his fingers through his hair, unknowingly mussing it up in a sexy way. I mentally slapped my hand for allowing myself to be distracted by this sexy man. Another mental slap. Get it together girl. "I feel more grounded when I see you, peacefully sleeping. In your presence, I really feel a sense of peace wash over me."

He paused, appearing quite crestfallen making his admission. Wow. So many words. I really have broken Batman.

"Part of me needs to know you are safe. To reassure myself."

"And that can't wait until morning?" I asked pointedly. I was still a bit shocked by his admission as well as his presence, for that matter. He wasn't brooding. This was a rare side of him, so open and raw in his honesty, which I had never seen before.

"Watching you helps in chasing away my demons, even when I have been through a thorough debriefing. When I return from a mission, you are the most important thing I need. You are the first person, the only person, I seek. It's like an essential need in my transition back to civilian life. It's hard to explain. I don't mean to scare you. I suppose it sounds creepy. Just listening to you breathe seems to settle me. Watching you sleep brings me peace. You have no idea how calming and restorative that is for a man like me. I'm sorry, Babe. Sometimes it is before I leave on a mission and seeing you so peaceful makes my heart feel lighter that there is light and goodness in the world."

Wow. That's a lot of words for Mr One Word at a Time. I blinked as I digested his profound words.

"I'm sorry for frightening you, Babe. I'll go and leave you in peace." He stood to gather his things from the dresser.

"No, Ranger. Please stay, while I'm trying to get my head around all this information. Sit down. For how long have you been doing this?" I dared to ask, knowing it was not just after missions.

"For a while…, quite a while."

I looked at him expectantly, but not so annoyed anymore.

"More than a year… or two."

Oh. Oh boy. Way to catch a girl unawares. He always did say to be aware of my surroundings.

"So, not just after, or before a mission."

"Sometimes even after a bad takedown. I go home and shower away the stench of the takedown before I come. Other times, like now, it's just to check on you, that you are safe."

Looking at his weapons on the dresser, I asked, "Was tonight a bad one?"

"No. On the contrary, we got lucky, because of your very thorough searches on Byron McCluskey, which enabled us to capture him without any conflict. As you know, he was a high bond, a scamming financial investor who helped his victims accumulate all the funding before running off with the cash. But it wasn't about luck. It was slick and smooth thanks to your efficiency and planning, Tank explained to me. Apparently, Plan B was going to be a distraction, but we didn't need to go there. I had just returned from visiting the Boston office. Tank encouraged me to be in on the capture, more as an observer rather than a direct player in the capture."

I smiled. "Who did Tank send in? Hector or Lester? My recommendation would have been Binkie. Binkie and Hector talking high tech IT stuff, and start-up funding."

Ranger grinned. "However, if they were planning an actual distraction, Lester would have been his preference, closely followed by Hector."

Ranger chuckled in surprise at that, giving me a curious look. I just grinned and shrugged my shoulder as I got up and walked towards the kitchen. Ranger followed after quickly grabbing his weapons and utility belt from the dresser top, not wanting to be too far from his arsenal.

"Yup. Binkie followed your advice. You nailed that, Babe. The skip couldn't resist listening to their heated conversation. Money talks, just as you predicted."

I smiled, and waited.

"But how did you know he could understand and speak Spanish? When Hector gets all fired up it's usually rapid fire but Binkie kept up with him well."

I grinned. "In my research, I discovered his mother and maternal grandparents were Mexican. His father died when Byron was very young, a drug cartel shooting in their village. McCluskey senior frequently travelled across the border. As a young widow, his mother had to work, while he was brought up by his grandmother until he started school in San Diego, before moving to the east coast to be near family in Newark."

"We obviously missed that little nugget. Proud of you, Babe."

He followed me into the kitchen.

"Calling up Silvio into the conversation, and putting him on speaker phone, discussing costings options and the mega bucks for their new system set up was the lure and McCluskey took the bait. He was seeing dollar signs before he even approached them, asking to join them at their booth. Once he shuffled in, they maintained their charade before Tank and I joined the party, bookending him. Tank discreetly cuffed him under the table much to his surprise. He was almost the same size as Tank as you know, but Tank had him by an extra fifty pounds. You could see the fight or flight conflict within, until he saw Cal and Hal casually standing beside Tank. That convinced him, knowing he was outnumbered. He was fit, but he was surrounded. Hector and Binkie acted suitably surprised."

"So, in effect, it was a distraction, after all, like a cleverly crafted con, a honey trap without the sexual coercion. A money trap, in actuality."

I was amusing him as he quirked up an eyebrow, with a minuscule shoulder shrug, enough for me to see he conceded to my point. The tell-tale tiny lift of his lips in the hint of a Ranger smile was obvious to me.

It was then that he gave me an appraising body scan while I was making the coffee. I caught the smouldering look in his dark eyes as he shamelessly admired my nightwear while leaning against the kitchen counter. Oh boy. Without my permission, my traitorous nipples pebbled and a surge of heat coiled inside, heading south. It had been a long time between social orgasms, months in fact. I forgot I was only wearing my little boyshort panties and that little tank top with Snoopy doing a happy dance. I blushed. Was it hot in here? Ranger had a huge smile on his face.

"It's dangerous sharing intel with the enemy, Babe."

I did a mental rewind of what I thought were my internal thoughts. Omigod! Mute button? He nodded with a full one hundred watts beaming at me. Trying to maintain my composure and a bit of dignity, I handed Ranger his coffee, turning my body to add sugar and milk to mine.

I looked him in the eye. I wasn't going to be derailed or distracted. It's now or never.

"We need to talk, Ranger."

"Babe. That's my line."

Ignoring him, I sat on the couch, tucking my knees under me, holding my cup in two hands. Ranger sat opposite me, in the armchair, watching me intently. I was wide awake at whatever dark o'clock ungodly hour it was.

I was wracking my brains on where to start, so I stalled and sipped my coffee slowly, blowing on it to cool it down. Ranger took a sip of his before setting his cup down on the coffee table. I half expected him to sit back and relax while he waited for me to gather my thoughts. The last part he did, but he sat forward, indicating he was receptive and ready to listen to my concerns. He was taking me seriously, knowing it's not my usual mode to take charge, even in a conversation. He also knew me well that I had a permanent reservation at Hotel Denial. Okay, pep talk time is over as I took another sip. Time to pull up my big girl panties and just lay it all out there.

"You love me," I said as a statement, not a question.

"Yes," he replied without hesitation.

"You love me," he lobbed back at me, catching me by surprise.

"Yes, I do," I replied without so much as a pause. He nodded. I noticed he did not hide behind his blank face, he was open and serious. "I have for a long time. But I was too scared to admit that. I was scared to lose you if I said as much. I didn't want to risk losing our friendship. You are my best friend and I value that friendship so much."

"I understand. I have known that. I have to admit to the same folly."

"But then you said you don't do relationships. There was no ring but a condom would be handy. You once told me you would even give me a baby, if that was what I really wanted. You confuse me, Ranger."

His head hung down for a moment. "Yes, I did say words like that."

"More than once. News flash! Ranger. We are in a relationship. We have been in a relationship for a long time."

I sipped my coffee, looking over the wide rim at his face. He was nodding slowly.

"You follow me, put trackers on my vehicles, and in my bag with weird and wonderful inanimate things."

"But I do that to protect you."

"I know you do. But, it's like this, sitting in my bedroom while I sleep. It's kind of creepy and stalkerish." But then again, with my track record with cars blowing up or getting destroyed, he knows where to find me. Is that love? What is it?

"Yes," he replied softly. "In a way, it is out of love. It is also out of fear. I'd hate to lose you, Babe. To be honest, I am scared to lose you. You mean so much to me." He stretched his neck and looked up to the ceiling, taking a deep breath after a sigh.

"I do it to protect you, not to upset you. I always used to worry about my enemies possibly finding out about you, using you to hurt me. Hurting you to punish me. I could never forgive myself for that. There are some nasty people out there. I couldn't bear to not have you in my life. You make my life worth living. You make me smile. You make me want to come home from those wretched hell holes and jungles. You give me a reason to live. You give me hope."

Oh. I wasn't expecting that much of an admission from the man of mystery.

"As you have seen, I make my own enemies, without any connection to you." I drank the rest of my coffee before looking him square in the eye. "If what you say is true, why this no relationship status?"

He shrugged his shoulders in a manner that indicated he was not comfortable with this discussion.

"Morelli."

"What about Morelli?"

"You always go back to him."

"Someone once told me to repair my relationship with him. Do you recall that?"

"Yes." He held my eyes but I detected a despondent sigh with that admission.

"I tried. But it wasn't what I wanted. Yes, it took me some time to figure it out. Yet still you poached, stealing kisses in the alley beside the Bonds Office, leaving me all hot and bothered." I added the last part softly. Boy, that man can kiss that I forget where I am and even my name.

He smiled. "You gave back as good. I know you enjoyed it. Sometimes I couldn't keep my hands off you. Or my lips. I was applying pressure. But, you still kept dating him."

I threw my hands up in the air in frustration.

"Dating! Pfft. That's a joke. A Morelli "date" was arriving with a meatball sub, or a pizza, and a six pack of beer. We didn't date. Morelli's concept was simple: pizza plus beer, plus a game, equals a night in bed. That was foreplay à la Morelli. Another thing that I realised. I was being taken for granted. I was there and available. Too easy."

I stood up and started pacing.

"Nope. I was done with that. I didn't want just sex. Well, yes, but, you know. I didn't want to be a fuck buddy. I wanted more than that. I didn't want to fall into line obediently and succumb to Burg expectations. He expected me to change and quit my job, and, especially sever any connections with you and Rangeman. The douche expected me to marry him on top of all that! While he demanded all these changes and more from me, there were none for him to compromise his being. I decided that was not how I wanted to go into a future relationship. There was no dating. There was no romance. A girl wants romance. A girl deserves romantic every now and then."

I stopped pacing and looked at Ranger. His eyes had been tracking me, and listening intently. I'm not used to that. I softened my voice.

"I get the over protectiveness with my car history. But trackers in my bag? Oh yes, kidnappers and the like." I sighed. He nodded.

"Ranger. There's more. The empty promises. Giving me a false sense of hope to get back in your bed. Is it just my body? You always said you were the opportunist – it never happened. Morelli has been out of my bed for over eight months now. It's still cold. Maybe I should look at a wider field. Promising "someday" when it isn't possible." I dropped my voice to a raspy whisper. "I don't want to be your fuck buddy." My eyes were prickling. "But I want you. If I can't have you… I can't do this anymore."

Suddenly Ranger was on his feet, stopping my rant mid step as I was slowing down to a disillusioned stop. I sniffed, staring down at my feet. I didn't want to cry. He put his hands on my shoulders and slowly turned me to face him.

"Babe, Stephanie." He held my face tenderly in both hands making me look up at him, his thumbs gently rubbing the first two traitorous tears. His eyes were glistening. His face was open, full of emotion. Oh my.

"Can we start again? Please? I've been such a fool. I love you so much it hurts. It's taken me a while, a long while, I know. Did I tell you I'm not good at being alone anymore? I want you in my life. I need you in my life, not just in my bed. Seeing you with Morelli before, was taking a toll on me. I was trying my best not to lose control. I was trying my best to keep from tearing the skin off my bones. I am addicted to you. You and your fragrance, your feisty nature and that remarkable resilience. You ruined me for all other women."

I half chuckled at that. "That was your line to me." He smiled as we both remembered that time. That was a promise he did keep.

"I tried to be there for you at every scene, before him, to give you support and protect you. Protect you from danger, and Morelli. If I wasn't here, then Tank or one of the Rangeman guys was there to protect you. We all care about you. Just like me, if something was to happen to you, we'd all be devastated. You, Stephanie Plum, are important to me. You are important to them. You are literally, the light of our lives. I would do anything for you."

"I know," I whispered, "and me for you, too."

"We can date, if that's what you want. Let me romance you. A girl deserves romance."

We both smiled. He gave me a chaste kiss, and sighed as he tucked a curl behind my ear. I sighed. He kissed me again, softly. It was then that his phone chirped. Bad timing. He looked at the display.

"Sorry, Babe. I have to take this. A break in a couple of blocks away, and I am the closest. Gotta go. I love you, Babe."

"Love you too, Batman."

"Hold that thought."

With a quick hard kiss, he left, with his arsenal of weapons, locking and bolting the door. After I rinsed the coffee mugs I strolled to the bathroom. I felt good getting all those bottled up feelings out there. They've weighed me down for too long. I wondered what the time was. Is it worth going back to bed? My head was still spinning with Ranger's candid declarations. I felt happy.

As I opened the bathroom door, two things stunned me. Firstly, the noise. My first thought was that Ranger had returned. But the glass? Uh oh.

"What the hell?!"

oOoOo