PROBLEMATIC
Chapter 14
oOoOo
Not Ranger.
Shit.
Not what I expected. But, hey. This is me. He's not the first to have broken into my apartment. Damnit.
I was aware of my surroundings and this moron had stumbled as he broke into my bedroom through the window from the fire escape. No way was he going to ruin my happy feelings. My good karma was mine to keep and he was not messing with my sense of joy. I have come a long way to reach this point and I deserved it. This asshole was not going to fuck up my day, er, night.
Clumsily, he lunged at me with a knife. Because of all the broken glass on the floor, he found it difficult to maintain a steady stance. In the process, he underestimated the amount of glass that he still had to negotiate to climb inside without getting himself cut to pieces. At the same time, I realised he was more than a bit surprised and distracted by my little jammies. Also, he didn't expect me to appear from the bathroom at this time of night, wide awake. The fact that I was up, and emerging from the bathroom also confused him. Obviously, he hadn't planned it very well.
So, I took advantage. As he stepped forward in the lunge, I used his momentum to flip him over my shoulder in a judo move, a shoulder throw. As he scrambled up he tried to grab me and I followed through with my knee. I nailed him in the gonads. I was angry so there might have been a bit more force than usual. But, hey! It was in self-defence. Yes. I was pissed off. He crumpled up in a heap at my feet, writhing in pain, gasping and clutching his precious crown jewels. Then he vomited. Gross! Eeuw! I grabbed my gown and threw it on the bed, yanking the sash from the two back loops. He tried to get up again and I shoved him down with my foot. While he was still in shock, using the sash, I grabbed his hands, tied him up, hog-tied, by yanking his hands and feet behind him. Then he started spitting and yelling, shouting obscene profanities at me. Alrighty. Without saying a word, I stuffed a pair of socks in his mouth and glared at him as his blood shot eyes widened. I kicked him in the kidneys for good measure.
"Stay still!" I warned firmly while I caught my breath. I pressed my panic button and grabbed my phone, calling the emergency number, watching him like a hawk. Hal, being my partner, would get the panic button alert, and whoever was on night roster on reception at Rangeman.
Thankfully, I got a quick response from the police, much to my relief, explaining my intruder break and enter, assault with a weapon, and gave them my address. At the same time, I kicked the knife well out of his reach to the other end of my bed, nearer to the bathroom where the light filtered in. Damnit. My bag was in the sitting room. I was not leaving him to get my cuffs because I wasn't sure if he would try to escape, or if he was able to. I wasn't about to take a risk with that. He was sweating while emitting muffled muttering at me, because of the socks. Thankfully, the basic restraints held firmly. Thank you, Woody.
I dragged the intruder over towards the foot of my bed, nearer the doorway, so I could hear and see when the cavalry arrived. Okay. Bad luck for him, there was that glass. His own fault as a muffled scream indicated that some broken glass had got him. Too bad. He should have thought about that before breaking in and taking me on. Tonight, was not the night!
I could see him clearly now, but with the light behind me, his view was mostly silhouetted. I switched the bedroom light on.
What the hell?
"Delaney Delgado! You stupid moron. What the hell are you doing in my bedroom? How dare you!" I gave him a good kick to show how pissed off I was.
His response was a lot of angry muffled grumbles and wriggling, trying to free himself from the ties. He didn't look too comfortable. Definitely not happy. I took a photo of the knife, his hog-tied state, the broken window, the glass that entered into my bedroom as proof of an intruder invasion from outside. For good measure, I snapped the vomit, to indicate where he landed. Climbing over my bed, I was being careful to keep out of his reach in case he tried to roll or move in some way, never turning my back on him. I didn't trust him.
"Smile," I said perkily as I took another one of his face, which had a nice sweaty glow. Just like Morelli used to do when he was in his Cupcake Rant mode, Delaney's face was going red.
"I'm going to take the sock out of your mouth, so you can breathe. No funny business. I have your knife, I'm warning you."
There was no way that I was going to touch that knife. No fingerprints from me. I knew how forensic investigations worked.
A pounding at my door told me the cops had arrived. Shit. What to do? Okay. Sock stays. From the doorway I looked into my living room and back at Delaney.
"Stay put. Rex! Watch him. Stay. If he moves, bite him. Good boy Rex. Stay." That's the best I could come up with. Delaney's eyes shot to the doorway, fear on his face. From his position he was not able to see into the living room nor to the door.
I rushed to unlock the door but Hal was there, unlocking the door to let in two TPD officers whom I didn't recognise. Great. I led them quickly to my bedroom. "Good boy Rex. In your bed." I said, for effect, into the living room before I entered my bedroom. Delaney looked visibly relieved and relaxed from his tensed-up state. Hal grinned at my Rex comment, while the two officers looked around, confused, probably expecting a big dog. Well, I had to think of something, on the spot. It worked, that's all that mattered.
The two officers walked into my bedroom and made note of the situation, or so I thought. I was really relieved to see Hal, especially not knowing these two TPD officers.
"Are you alright, Steph?" I nodded, "I am now."
"Wait outside, sir," the senior one brusquely told Hal.
"Hmm. It looks more like some kinky sex gone wrong." This from the younger rookie cop.
"Listen here, you moron. I called the police about a B and assault with a weapon."
The asshole noob was leering at my outfit making me feel uncomfortable. I looked at Hal who was glaring at the idiot noob.
"My eyes are up here!" I went to grab my robe from the bed but Officer Noob stopped me.
"Don't move, ma'am. Yeah? Trail of evidence, you know. Looks more like a DV. Why is he hog-tied? And what's with the sock in his mouth?"
"I didn't have my handcuffs within reach."
"Ah. You like the soft fluffy handcuffs?" he interrupted rudely as he opened my bedside drawers, rifling through them before reaching for my dresser and fiddling with my underwear. What the hell?!
"Excuse me! You have no right to search my drawers! You are not following protocol. I am the victim here. I made the call and you! You are acting like an asshole moron with your lecherous leering and outrageous insinuations. You must be new around here."
"Ma'am. It does look like a compromising situation. He's the one all tied up, bleeding and assaulted." This coming from the senior officer. He was just as bad as the noob. I rolled my eyes.
"Seriously? Have you heard of self-defence? Do I have to tell you how to do your job?"
I snatched my robe out of the noob's hands but he wouldn't let go. He had this insidious lewd grin. Under his breath he muttered, "I bet you're a wild cat in the sack."
"It's all part of the investigation, ma'am. You didn't answer the question. Why did you assault this man? Is he your partner? Or one of your nightly visitors? Do you entertain men in your bedroom? A dominatrix, perhaps? The big guy? He had a key… Another client?" The asshole asked these in quick succession, not even giving me a chance to explain. Hal touched my elbow for reassurance, mouthing, "Chill and breathe." I nodded.
"He's my partner. I don't like your attitude. Or your insinuations."
Eddie Gazarra rushed in, looked at me and Delaney on the floor. In a moment he had assessed the situation. "Are you okay, Steph?" He glared at the two officers.
"Oh. Thank God. Eddie. You're a sight for sore eyes."
"Sir -" He cut them off. Eddie was furious.
"I've heard enough! Johnson! Mangano! Out here on the double. Consider yourself on report! Thanks, Hal."
The dirty look he gave the two idiots made them falter in their steps. Eddie was ropeable, that was clear.
"Lucky for you, Gazarra heard the call come through dispatch on his way to work and instantly recognised it was your place. I have taped their disgusting inappropriate commentary, Officer Gazarra," Hal explained as he handed me another robe from my wardrobe, my fluffy winter robe. "Thanks. What a creep." I shuddered. "I can't believe their line of questioning."
Hal helped me with my robe, allowing me to cover myself up. He then picked up my intruder very roughly, giving him a shake, like he was just a light weight.
"What the fuck are you doing in here, asshole?"
Hal was suddenly on his phone. "Bobby. Stat. Steph. Bring your kit. Her apartment." He turned to me. "You're hurt. There's blood. Are you sure you're okay?"
"Oh. I didn't realise. He lunged at me with that knife."
We both turned to look at Delaney who suddenly paled with my reply, fearfully looking at Hal, as the blood soaked into the sleeve of my robe and dripped down my arm onto the floor. Delaney gulped. Hal pulled the socks from his mouth.
Delaney went on the offensive. "Fucking bitch judo flipped me onto the floor!"
Eddie stepped around the corner. Using his baton, he whacked him on his bound feet, on the soles of his shoes, of course, to get his attention. "Respect for the lady, asshole. You broke into her bedroom, you idiot. Cuff him, Hal, and bring him in here. Steph. I see blood. You're hurt. Come in here and sit down while I explain to these two officers about procedure and protocols." With the last part he scowled at his co-workers.
While I sat on the couch, Hal dashed into the kitchen to grab some towels, since he couldn't enter my bedroom just yet. He washed his hands first. With gloves on, after carefully wiping my arm and midriff with a damp cloth, trying to locate the wound sites, he dried it before firmly wrapping my forearm. He got me to prop my arm up against my chest while waiting for Bobby. The rest of the blood on my jammies and gown were from the drips, thankfully. I hadn't felt anything, probably because I was running on adrenaline, and rage. I thanked him as he put away the damp towels to clean up later.
"Stephanie, please explain to my colleagues what happened, seeing that they forgot that critical part of the protocols required at an investigation like this."
"My name is Stephanie Plum. I live in this apartment, alone. I came out of my bathroom to find this idiot had broken through my window from the fire escape. As he lunged at me, with a knife, he slipped and I used his momentum to judo throw him over my shoulder. When he tried to attack me again I kneed him in the groin and tied him up with my dressing gown sash. It was self-defence. I kicked the knife out of the way, beyond his reach. My handcuffs were in my bag out here."
The noob rolled his eyes and snorted derisively, while the other looked a bit stunned, probably realising his mistake as he nudged his partner, muttering, "Shit," under his breath. I continued.
"The intruder is Delaney Devlin Delgado, who happens to be a fugitive who failed to appear in court. His rap sheet reads much the same: break and enter, aggravated burglary, aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, and car theft including a number of traffic violations from the pursuit. I have the paperwork in my bag. My partner, Hal, and I have been tracking him, asking questions about his whereabouts in our role as fugitive apprehension agents. We both work for Rangeman."
"Ah, fuck," was muttered in unison. Eddie glowered at the two morons.
"Did you ask Ms Plum what happened, since the call was clearly identified as a woman calling for help? Did you collect evidence? What did you bag?" Eddie was calm on the outside but I knew him well enough to know he was furious. His cop face was firmly in place. "To make matters worse, you completely ignored the blood loss of the injured victim. Un-fucking-believable!"
"They were too busy leering and making inappropriate insinuations. Delaney was the intruder. I took photos to show the evidence trail. The knife he used is near the bathroom."
"So, which part of that is protocol? Mangano? As the senior officer, I expected better from you. Hal, let's hear the audio." The senior cop cringed. The noob was still a bit cocky. Jeez. I wanted to slap him.
Just as Hal hit play, Bobby arrived, moving quietly to my side with his bag of tricks, immediately donning gloves. Eddie acknowledged Bobby with a nod. He gently removed my injured arm from the sleeve and removed the temporary blood-soaked towels. The concern was evident in his eyes as he saw the blood stains on my pyjamas. He moved the gown to discreetly cover me up to maintain my dignity. I whispered, "Thanks."
As the recording played, Bobby ceased his ministrations and stood up. The murderous glare he sent their way was brilliant. I love my guys. Delaney snickered inanely until his outburst was revealed on the audio. All eyes were on him. Bobby growled. He took some deep breaths to compose himself, giving Hal an ESP message, before he continued with tending my wounds.
In the process of debridement, Bobby cursed, shooting a furious glare at Delaney, making him squirm uncomfortably. "Jeez, Steph. These are quite deep. This one an inch deep! Fortunately, no arterial damage, no bone damage, just a lot of dirt," he explained, as he used some surgical tweezers to pluck some bits out. "I'm going to have to give you a tetanus shot and then prescribe some antibiotics. God knows how clean his knife was and where it's been. You're going to need stitches. Since I know you don't want to go to the hospital, I'll give you a local first."
As the needle was revealed, down went the noob.
"Fucking asshole. Did you know he was vasovagal?" Bobby directed his question to Eddie, then looked intently at Officer Mangano, who just shrugged. "Just lay him on his side in the recovery position. He'll be fine."
Bobby did the locals and waited for the numbness to kick in. I watched as his hands moved deftly as he tied off the stitches. I smiled, while I chuckled to myself, wondering if he ever did cross stitch. He winked at me and grinned. "No. But my mum was an expert." Oh jeez. Mute button, Stephanie. I rolled my eyes which only made him grin.
"Five on this one and seven on the deeper, longer gash. You were darn lucky."
Just as he finished bandaging my forearm, adding a sling to keep my arm elevated for the short term, Ranger rushed in. He looked murderous. Yikes. Had he heard the recording from the door? I glanced over my shoulder wondering how he and Bobby came in. Ah. I finger waved at Vince and Brett at my door. Their deadly expressions immediately softened, giving me a friendly salute, followed by a pat to their heart as they pointed at me. I signed, "Thank you," to which they responded with nods and a small smile before resuming their guard duty.
Ranger knelt down beside Bobby, his eyes softened. "Babe. Are you alright?" I nodded with a smile. "Yeah, I'm alright. Everyone has my back. Thank you, Bobby." He gently squeezed my other shoulder. "You did well, Bomber."
I figured Ranger must have waited at the door while Bobby did his medic magic. Before he stood up, Bobby gave me some Tylenol and a bottle of water, unscrewing the lid for me and watching me take the meds.
When Eddie went into my bedroom, dragging the two TPD morons with him, Ranger stood up giving my good hand a kiss, then following them to stand in my bedroom doorway, to assess the situation for himself.
I could hear Eddie pointing at the window and the glass, and instructing them in the correct procedure while he bagged the knife. "I can't fucking believe you two assholes didn't even bag the knife already. Fuck! You're a disgrace. This is not how we treat victims in distress. After the Chief hears about this, you will have to endure an internal investigation and expect a demotion. That's the good news."
Ranger's posture radiated controlled rage. Bobby had a peek over his shoulder.
In the meantime, Hal handed our FTA paperwork to Vince sending them off to the TPD with a submissive Delaney. Gazarra called out to Hal. "Be sure to add the extra charges against Ms Plum for B and aggravated assault with a deadly weapon causing injury." Hal and Vince nodded in confirmation. As they left, Hal took up position at the door. A few residents who were early risers expressed concern for me. Hal thanked them, while he reassured them that everything was under control and I was okay. It was starting to get light outside.
"Hey, Batman," I whispered as he came to my side, grabbing his hand and squeezing it.
Hal smiled as he suggested I should show Ranger and Bobby my evidential photos, all of them, with a knowing wink and a huge grin. I chuckled with a happy eye roll, making sure they saw the ones of Delaney. Curiously they watched as Ranger flipped through the images. They laughed. Yup. Found him.
Bobby looked again, chuckling. "Woody taught you that move, I bet."
"Did I hear correctly? You did a judo throw over your shoulder? Did you really do that?" Bobby asked curiously. Ranger's face lit up.
I beamed. "Sure did. Thanks to self-defence training with Lester."
"Proud of you, Babe."
The two TPD cops made lame but guilt-ridden apologies before Eddie led them out of my apartment. "Meet me in the parking lot." Eddie came over and apologised. He was mortified at their appalling disrespect and attitude. He was embarrassed. "I am just so glad you're okay, Steph. See you around." Before he departed he asked for a copy of my photos as well."
"I had only just sorted that break in, when I heard the call come over the scanners."
He was right. It was not long after he left that everything went to shit in a hand basket.
Lester and Woody arrived with some timber to secure the window.
"You can't stay here, Babe. Lester will organise a clean-up crew. Grab some clothes to take with you to Rangeman. You have blood on your dressing gown. And your cute little jammies, too." His enigmatic smile went from zero to one hundred in a split second.
"I have a duffle bag just inside my wardrobe. I feel all icky. I desperately need a shower to wash off all the filth from the Delaney cooties and their vulgar insinuations."
"Hal tells us we need to see something," Woody queried, his curiosity piqued.
Bobby, Hal and Ranger made their faces blank, while I showed them. Seeing Delaney hog-tied made Woody laugh out loud. "That's after I threw him over my shoulder just like you instructed me, Lester, in judo self-defence." They high-fived each other with a few extra fist bumps, beaming at me.
"Aw, Beautiful. You just made my day, our day. You are the shit!"
I grinned and shrugged.
"Come on, Babe. You can't stay here. Let's go."
That sounds like a great idea.
oOoOo