Now, this sample chapter is from a story that won't be out for a long time yet. I want to wait until I got the Sekirei manga before I try to do it in earnest. That being said, I just had to do it, stake my claim so to speak, so that when I actually get the manga, I can continue it in earnest.

This story has a number of inspirations. The first is whitetigerwolf's recently issued 'Drunk Recruit' challenge, whereby Harry, while drunk, infiltrates a secretive or criminal organisation (Hotel Moscow from Black Lagoon was an example used) and is conscripted into it on pain of death or imprisonment. The second, to a degree, was Bloody Brandy's Vegas challenge. Finally, I have to admit a huge debt to sakurademonalchemist's story Angry, Angry Wizards, which will be the basis for much of the story when it continues, and I have asked and received permission from her to do a variation on her story.

It's also going to be somewhat humorous, what with the snarky first person POV that I tried to do for Resident Evil: Basilisk (from which I copied and pasted a couple of paragraphs) and, like in Wings of the Forsaken, Harry will be converting Karasuba to the joys of pranks.

So, with that in mind, enjoy.

FLOCK OFF! OR, HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE LETHAL LADIES FROM OUTER SPACE

CHAPTER 1:

IT'S NOT A GOOD NIGHT UNLESS YOU WAKE UP NEXT TO A TRAFFIC CONE(1)

Ah, morning amnesia. One of the most treacherous functions of the brain, and yet one of its unsung heroes. Waking up with no idea what the hell you did the night before, only that the morning is sure to get awkward. So, story of my life. Damned bipolar luck.

That, coupled with a splitting headache, ensured that my awakening was not exactly a pleasant one. That, and I could feel the warm flesh enveloping me on both sides. Normally quite a pleasant sensation, but I knew there was going to be awkward explaining to do. Plus, I was sure there was going to be a traffic cone somewhere in the room. It's not a good night unless you wake up next to a traffic cone. And yep, there's one at the foot of the bed, at the end of a valley of flesh I could barely make out without my glasses.

The first thing that came back to my rebooting brain was my name. Harry James Potter. And then, enough of my life story came back to me.

Shortly after that whole mess with Voldemort, I realised, I had always had to dance to someone else's tune. Mostly Dumbledore's, but also to the expectations of Magical Britain, as well as being servant to the Dursleys. And now that Voldemort was dead, along with so many friends, I realised I felt hollow.

I couldn't continue with Ginny. She took it well, better than Ron. I told her that she was right, that I hadn't been happy unless facing Voldemort, and now that he was gone, I didn't know what to do. I needed to find a new purpose in life, and frankly, I wasn't sure I could find it in Magical Britain. Ginny let me go with tears in her eyes, but a genuine wish for me to find my happiness. I think Ron and Molly were more upset than Ginny was, and certainly more angry.

It took me a while to decide what to do next. I felt restless. I decided to take the money my parents had left me, and go on a tour of the world, try to forget what happened in the past. My latest stop was in Japan, and I had ended up in Shin Teito, formerly Tokyo. Apparently it had been bought up by a company, Mid-Bio Industries or MBI, whose CEO was some flamboyant wanker called Hiroto Minaka. I saw his image on the local newspapers. A massive shock of white hair framing a grinning face with glasses, a white business suit over which he wore what looked like a goddamned cloak…it was like he was trying to look like some megalomaniac scientist out of an anime.

Anyway, he had bought up the city, though for what reason, few people seemed to know. Whatever it was, MBI was more of a subject of curiosity than anything I wanted to get involved with.

On my second night staying here, I got depressed more than usual. Occasionally, the sheer enormity of what I went through hits me. I had survived, while so many people hadn't. My parents. Cedric Diggory. Sirius Black. Dumbledore. Mad-Eye Moody. Remus Lupin. Nymphadora Tonks. Fred Weasley.

The survivor's guilt would occasionally sneak up on me and punch me in the guts. So I go to the nearest bar and drink myself stupid. I usually drink alone, but for some reason, I found myself with some company last night. A rather elegant, dark-haired woman, tall and buxom, dressed in a vaguely Chinese-style tight dress that stopped dangerously short of her modesty, and had bits cut out to show off her navel and cleavage.

I think we got to talking and, eventually, bitching about our lives. She had complained about being dumped by the only man she had ever loved, who turned out to be that wanker Minaka. Her name, apparently, was Kazehana, and I, being the gallant idiot that I was, vowed to play a Marauders' style prank on Minaka to avenge the honour of my drinking buddy. She seemed disappointed in me in some way. Not in my vow to avenge her: she seemed pretty amused at that. But she seemed to regret that I wasn't her Ashikabi, whatever the hell that was. I think it meant 'reed sprout' in Japanese or something, but the Translation Charm wasn't translating it properly. I think it was because she was slurring her words a bit. We parted ways with a drunken hug, and I went off into the night, determined to head back to the hotel, retrieve my Invisibility Cloak, and make Minaka pay for his being so cruel to a beautiful young woman.

Gah. Merlin, did I really do something that quixotic? Again? Only this time, I was drunk? Anyway, leaving that aside, if I parted ways with Kazehana, who the freaking fuck was I in bed with?

I looked to either side of me. I was being hemmed in by a pair of young women, with the arm of what had to be a third draped over one of them. It was hard to tell what their ages were, but I guessed late teens to maybe late twenties at most. The two women whose heads I could see both had silvery grey hair, and rather intense, if attractive, features.

I squinted, making out details. The one on my left had a number of scars on her pale skin, her silver hair shaggy and short, her eyelids a little sunken. For some reason, I had this notion of her being like a female Wolverine or Vega, but I couldn't remember why for the life of me. The one on my right had a couple of scars herself, with long hair, her features twitching in a smirk even in the depths of sleep…or was it? My danger senses were beginning to scream at me, and I had a sinking feeling that, whoever this woman was, she might not actually be asleep.

I heard a yawn, and then, the owner of the arm draped over the woman to my left sat up. She looked to be in her late teens, with a fit, athletic if somewhat petite body. At least, I hoped she was in her late teens. She also had pink hair, and when she saw me, a moment of confusion and anger flitted across her features, before realisation seemed to come to it, and she smirked. "Ah, our Ashikabi is awake," she said.

I blinked. What? That was the second time I heard someone use that term. I also realised that the Translation Charm had worn off, and she was speaking accented, if good, English. I decided to play it safe, and groaned theatrically. Not that I needed to exaggerate the pain in my groan much. "Did anyone get the number of that truck that ran me over?"

"104, Haihane," murmured the woman with the short silvery hair and scars.

A soft, malevolent chuckle emerged from the lips of the other silver-haired woman, and her eyes opened lazily. Our eyes met, and I knew I was in deep shit. Those eyes, they were the eyes of a murderer, a predator, no, something even worse. "Actually, it was 04, me," she purred. "You've been a very naughty boy."

"Clearly," I said, as calmly and dryly as I could manage. "Umm…how plastered was I?"

"Plastered?" the pink-haired girl asked.

"It's British slang for being drunk, Benitsubasa," the woman calling herself '04' said, her English far less accented. "And the answer was, very. I mean, you'd have to be stupid or under the influence to do what you just did. You're lucky we found you amusing enough to let you live, for now. And the fact that we reacted to you."

"And don't forget the fight with me, Karasuba," murmured the other silver-haired woman, whose eyes were flickering blearily open. "Though why did you keep calling me Vega? I thought Balrog had the claws(2)?" she asked me.

I blinked. I fought these three? Or at least one of them? "Umm, what did I do last night?"

"I don't know all of what you did," the woman who had been called Karasuba said, "but you somehow snuck in, vandalised the office of our president, tie-dyed his collection of capes and coats, and then, somehow snuck into our quarters. I found you then when you tripped up on that cloak of yours, and…you challenged us to a dance-off. I let Haihane here try to deal with you, only you dodged her, using some sort of teleportation. And then, as the fight went on…we started to react to you. I stopped you, had to knock you down, and suggested we kiss you."

"Umm…react to me?" I said, dreading where the hell this was going. "Kiss me?"

"But of course!"

The crazed voice came from the door, and as I tried to sit up, a couple of things happened. A sickening jolt of pain went through my head from the hangover. Benitsubasa handed me my glasses, which I donned. And music started playing from the door. Very familiar, bombastic music, from when Dudley used to watch a certain show.

"Prepare for trouble!" declaimed the voice, which came from a familiar, white-haired figure standing in the door, his hands reaching for the ceiling as if to milk a giant cow. Standing next to him was a silver-haired woman in a labcoat, her rather attractive features set in a scowl. As the music continued, the man frowned, before nudging the woman with his elbow. "You missed your cue, we need to start over!"

"Shut up, Minaka, I am not indulging your desire to do a Team Rocket introduction. And why did you want to use the damned old English dub?" the woman snapped.

Minaka pouted, before rewinding the music player he had with him. "You have NO appreciation for the fine and subtle art of making a grand, bombastic entrance. Anyway, I'd better start from the point where I can handle it myself." The music started off again, and after a moment, he began to make his declaration.

"To protect the world from devastation!

To unite all peoples within our nation!

To declare the beauties of truth and love!

To extend our reach to the stars above!

Hiroto! Minaka!

MBI blasts off at the speed of light!

Surrender now, or prepare to fight(3)!"

I blinked, and then looked at the woman. "Is he always this insane?"

"Some days, he's worse," the woman said with a long-suffering sigh. "I'm Dr Takami Sahashi. This insane imbecile, if you've not been in Shin Teito for long, is Dr Hiroto Minaka, the CEO of MBI. And you, Mr Harry Potter, are in very deep trouble."

"I figured that," I muttered. "How do you know my name?"

"It's a bit hard not to know when you left your wallet in your clothes," Takami said. "Karasuba was kind enough to send us your name before she retired for the night. Incidentally, I would say congratulations on you being hired…but something tells me you wouldn't appreciate it."

"You what?"

Minaka's deranged grin grew even wider. "Ah, yes! You see, you have been chosen by fate to partake in a grand game the likes of which the world has never before seen! My sincerest and heartiest congratulations! What is more, in spite of the rather puerile and juvenile way you have trashed my office and my clothes, you have managed to do something rather wonderful for me! You see, these three lovely ladies have needed a handler for some time. By Winging them, you have just volunteered yourself to be that handler!"

My hangover-befuddled brain was understandably struggling to catch up with this. "Winging them? What, is that what they call sex these days?"

"Oh, there was no sex involved," grinned Karasuba. "You were too drunk for that. We just piled up here naked to see the look on your face. Doesn't mean there won't be later, though." Her hand snaked down to clasp a rather sensitive place indeed, to emphasise her point.

Takami apparently took pity on me, before she said, "Okay. Long story short, last night, you bonded yourself to three aliens. What's more, they act as our private security, as enforcers of the safety of their own kind. Ergo, you're now their new manager. I'd say congratulations, but…you're going to have your hands full."

"And if you try to run out on us," Karasuba purred as I tried to wrap my head around that, "I get to hunt you down and remove your limbs." Her nails, very sharp nails, pinched into my member ever so slightly, enough to make her point. "So…no pressure."

"That's right!" Minaka crowed. "You try to leave Shin Teito, and, well, we can't kill you, as you're now their Ashikabi, their destined one. But we only need you alive. Takami, can an Ashikabi support Sekirei when in a coma?"

"Minaka, stop scaring the poor bastard. He's going to get enough of that from his Flock," Takami said. She looked at me. "You seem to be taking this well."

"I have a bad hangover, and I've seen weirder shit than alien women even when I'm sober. Gimme a moment to let it sink in before I start shrieking in fear and dread at the situation I've been roped into," I said deadpan.

Not that it was just fear I felt. It was anger and annoyance. And a bit of self-reproach. I didn't care what crazy situation I had gotten myself into now. All I knew was, the way Minaka was grinning at me like some comicbook supervillain, I was going to show him why Harry Potter wasn't going to be trifled with…

CHAPTER 1 ANNOTATIONS:

So, Harry's got himself into a bit of a pickle, huh? Shades of Bloody Brandy's Vegas challenge, though Harry has only slept with his newfound Flock in the most literal sense of the term. But he's not going to take it lying down. Come hell or high water, he's taking MBI down. He'll be at odds with Takami once he learns of her admittedly reluctant complicity with Minaka, and a bit with Miya when he learns of her neutrality, but hey. They'll still be allies.

Anyway, as with Angry, Angry Wizards, this story starts a few years before the main Sekirei storyline. Some of my readers will note the similarities with my now-abandoned-and-archived story Resident Evil: Basilisk, with the snarky first person viewpoint, and I even copied and pasted a couple of paragraphs from that story wholesale.

1. The chapter title comes from a line uttered by the Cat in the Red Dwarf episode The Last Day, after the crew have a drunken bender to help Kryten enjoy himself.

2. For those of you who don't get the joke, I'm referring to the Street Fighter character. In English-speaking territories, he's called Vega (the original Japanese title for M Bison), while in Japanese, he's called Balrog (which is the English name of the character named in Japanese M Bison). No, really. Isn't localisation fun? Harry would know the English name, while Haihane, having played the Japanese version, would know the Japanese name.

3. Yes, this is a modified form of the first English version of the Team Rocket anthem from Pokémon.