Wow. I am actually quite surprised at the reaction to this one, and I am equally surprised that I managed to squeeze out a second chapter. That being said, I am trying to take a break from fanfic writing ATM (until the end of June at least, for various reasons, though the main one is that I want to concentrate on my non-fanfic writing for now).

But there's one ray of hope. I managed to find a way of ordering the Sekirei anime series on Blu-Ray, well, the first season anyway, and that might mean that, after the end of June, there'll be an explosion of Sekirei fanfics from me. I'll certainly be getting it long before the manga gets republished.

Anyway, enjoy the second chapter of...

FLOCK OFF! OR, HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE LETHAL LADIES FROM OUTER SPACE

CHAPTER 2:

ORIENTATION DAY

A shower later (very cold, and not helped by Karasuba joining me), and I eventually was frogmarched by the three women (now dressed) into a room where the Takami woman was waiting. It was then that I was given effectively a lesson on Sekirei 101. An abridged version.

About eighteen years ago, Takami and Minaka, along with a man called Takehito Asama, found a spaceship buried within an island that had risen out of the ocean. Within that spaceship, they found a grown woman in stasis, along with foetuses and embryos in various states of growth. While human-looking, they were actually aliens from another world, with each having a particular type of power. They were dubbed the 'Sekirei', after the name for the Japanese Wagtail. Why they were called that, I have no idea, and Takami didn't see fit to enlighten me.

Anyway, MBI got founded based on the technology they could reverse-engineer from the spaceship. And Minaka had gotten it into his twisted little head to get some entertainment from it. You see, Sekirei bonded with their chosen partners. I think it's actually a magical bond of some kind, not unlike a familiar bond. This bond is initiated by a kiss and an exchange of DNA via saliva. This triggers a link between Sekirei and their chosen, unleashing their powers, and causing the brief emergence of wings of energy, hence why the process was called 'Winging'. Only certain humans could trigger such a link, and they were known as Ashikabi. Again, don't ask me why.

What Minaka decided to do was to create a tournament around the Sekirei, releasing them to seek out their chosen partners. But he also decided to turn it into a battle between Sekirei, winner take all. Of course, such things needed policing, hence the Disciplinary Squad.

There had been three iterations of the Discipline Squad before, but I was only told about this one, told it was need to know, despite my protests. The leader was Karasuba, obviously. Her number, 04, had her as one of the most powerful Sekirei, as those with single-digit numbers had the most power. Takami told me, rather redundantly, that she was a bloodthirsty sadist. So, I was basically stuck with the alien equivalent of Bellatrix Lestrange. She wore a dark uniform, over which she wore a grey coat like a cloak.

Benitsubasa was the petite pink-haired girl, currently dressed in a dark Asiatic dress. I would later come to learn that she was about as old as me, more or less (thankfully for my sanity: the Sekirei had been triggered into growing shortly after being discovered), but had a bit of a neurosis about her bust size, or lack thereof. She was a hand-to-hand fighter, capable of causing shockwaves with her fists. Haihane, the scarred one, wielded massive oversized claws in combat. She also had a habit of laughing herself sick, I would later learn. She wore a dark kimono over bandages wrapped around her scarred body.

Now, as much as I detested this situation, and being conscripted into it, and protested it, much to the grinning apathy of Minaka and the resignation of Takami, I knew that I didn't have a choice. Takami pointed out that MBI had satellites that could track Ashikabi, and fire death lasers at any berk who decided to fuck off from Shin Teito. My words, not hers. I didn't think they'd know anything about magic, Apparition or Portkeys, but I would not be surprised if they managed to track me down somehow. Especially now that I had some weird soul bond to a trio of lethal ladies from outer space. Karasuba had the air of a hunting dog, and one who had no qualms about playing sadistically with her prey.

But having gotten into this mess by being an impulsive Gryffindor, I knew that there were ways out of this by being Slytherin. Not in the stupid, Blood Purist way that blonde eunuch Malfoy emulated all the bloody time, but rather, biding my time until I struck, like a snake in the grass. Even Voldemort, for all his batshit crazy, knew when to bide his time and when to strike.

Once Takami had finished, and had asked, "Do you have any questions?", I promptly put my hand up. She raised an eyebrow. "Really? You're going to put your hand up? Even though this is new to you and only you?"

"Pick me, miss, pick me," I said in the most deadpan tone possible. Haihane began chuckling.

"Just ask your damn questions," Takami said.

"Okay. Tell me, why are you letting Minaka turn this into a glorified bloodsport between a group of buxom alien women and whatever poor berk who takes their fancy? If they're meant to find their Ashikabki or destined one or whatever, that's fine. But why turn it into a game where the losers actually lose the chance to be with their Ashikabi?"

"Because Minaka's a dick," Takami said bluntly. "He's a genius, he's insane, and he does not give a damn about human life whatsoever. He thinks himself to be a god-like supervillain out of a manga, and unfortunately, he's smart enough to know how to control people. He has failsafes in place in case people rebel against him, unless they amuse him in doing so. That goes for both of us. I'm staying in this to minimise the damage he does to the Sekirei."

"Are you? Only, you just conscripted a foreign national into your program without doing any background on him whatsoever. I could sue the crap out of you, and believe me, I have the money to do it."

Takami rolled her eyes. "Blame Minaka. I'm the one stuck having to clean up after him. He's also the only one politically capable of keeping the various governments of the world at bay. More than a few attempts have been made to kidnap Sekirei or seize Kamikura by interests both governmental and corporate. A threat of a lawsuit from you wouldn't even faze him. Plus, once a Sekirei is Winged to you, that's it. It's irrevocable. Much like a Vegas wedding, only Elvis isn't involved. Quite frankly, I'm relieved you Winged them. The candidate Minaka wanted was unsuitable for a number of reasons."

"How is that?"

"Natsuo is gay, and while I have no problem with that, the strength of a Sekirei's bond is enhanced by affection. It's not always necessarily a sexual or romantic bond, but those do help. Natsuo is also…troubled, shall we say? His lover died some time ago, and I personally think he has developed nihilistic, even sociopathic tendencies. Minaka thought that would help him mesh well with Karasuba, but…the truth is, I had my doubts. The Discipline Squad is required to handle any challenge that comes their way, including possible confrontations with Single Numbers. And the strength of the bond between Ashikabi and Sekirei strengthens the Sekirei." She peered at me. "You seem to be taking this far better than many I have worked with."

"I've seen weirder than alien women, remember?" I retorted. "Is it normal for an Ashikabi to be bound to multiple Sekirei?"

"No, but it's perfectly possible. They all reacted to you," Takami said. "If you are an Ashikabi, you can Wing Sekirei, even if they don't react to you. And Sekirei can react to multiple people. The reaction is a form of physical arousal indicating compatibility." On my look, she clarified, "Heartbeat and flushing. Occasional sexual arousal can happen, but…"

"I felt the pain you went through," Karasuba purred. "The darkness you fought. The anger you bottle up. I can help you relieve that."

"That's what pranks are for," I snarked back. I looked at Takami. "Do I have powers as head of the Discipline Squad to prevent Sekirei from being forcibly Winged?"

"To a degree, though Minaka wouldn't like it."

"Tough. Can I have a dossier on each and every Sekirei and their abilities?"

"Fine," Takami said. Better to know what I was up against before I embarked on my great big fuck you to MBI, as well as my duties. I didn't have Hermione around to do the research for me now.

"Good. If there aren't any more questions…" Takami began, before I interrupted.

"Oh, I have plenty more."

"Like what?" Takami asked exasperatedly.

"What is your name? What is your quest? And what is the airspeed of an unladen swallow?"

There was a silence for a time, before she growled, and stormed out of the room. "NI!" I shrieked after her.

Haihane cocked her head as she watched Takami storm out. "What was that about swallows?"

I looked at them, before throwing my arm around Haihane. Of the Sekirei I had met so far, I liked her the most. Creepy as hell, but she was kind of endearing. Whereas Benitsubasa, I already had the feeling was an angry little bundle of complexes, and Karasuba…well, her very presence was slamming down on my 'oh fuck get away it's a bloodthirsty predator' button.

Anyway, I said, "Tell me, my dear Haihane, have you ever watched the classics of human comedy? Because I am so buying a copy of Monty Python and the Holy Grail for you to watch." I looked at Karasuba. "And you would like the Black Knight scene."

"I doubt that," Karasuba said.

"I LOVE IT!" Karasuba laughed as the now de-legged and disarmed Black Knight declared his duel with Arthur a draw. Haihane was rolling on the floor, laughing her bandaged arse off, while Benitsubasa was laughing as well.

As it happened, Minaka had a DVD of the film in his collection, English dub, but with Japanese subtitles. I should have guessed that he was a Monty Python fan. There was something vaguely Pythonesque about him, like that Inquisitor played by Michael Palin in that sketch about the Spanish Inquisition.

I guess you could call watching that film a bonding experience of sorts. Well, with Haihane at least, who spent a lot of time after the film ended coughing up half a lung from laughing so hard. Benitsubasa spent the rest of the film torn between amusement and bemusement, and Karasuba seemed disappointed that there wasn't much more violence, though the Killer Rabbit scene got her laughing as well. And when she saw the Holy Hand Grenade in action, she immediately said, "I want one."

Afterwards, Benitsubasa peered at the screen as I took the DVD out. "So, that's human comedy?"

"One of the most famous comedy groups in the world. They come from my home country…well, except for Terry Gilliam, he's from America," I said. "They call themselves Monty Python. I don't know what comedy they have here…"

"Well, there's manzai, a kind of double act," Haihane said. "And there's all sorts of comedy game shows, and anime…hey, are we in a harem comedy?"

"If we are, I'm not laughing," I snarked.

"You're no fun," Karasuba remarked.

"Hey, I'm meant to be your babysitter, given what Takami said. Babysitters are killjoys by default."

Karasuba's lazy gaze sharpened ever-so-slightly. "Well then, Harry Potter, if I wanted to kill someone, how would you stop me? You certainly can't do that by asking me nicely."

"Depends on whether they deserved it. Like if they killed another Sekirei or a human. Anyway, killing someone's boring. It sounds like something my worst enemy would do."

Benitsubasa snorted. "You have a worst enemy?"

"Had, past tense. A terrorist who targeted my family when I was young, and then came out of hiding to try and kill me time and time again. Looked like his mother had it off with a snake. You act very much like one of his lieutenants, who I am pretty sure was his lover too," I said, indicating Karasuba. "You're much better looking, though considering she spent maybe fifteen years in prison, that's not saying much. Anyway, I have ways and means of stopping you. Let's just leave it at that."

Well, I wasn't sure whether a Body-Bind or a Stunner would do jack-shit, really. And I couldn't rely on them working more than once, not with Karasuba. So, how did one stop a bloodthirsty alien woman from killing people?

Ah. Idea! An idea, worthy of a Marauder! "Anyway, killing's so uncreative. So's torturing someone physically."

I could feel the entirety of Karasuba's attention on me. It was, to be honest, pretty intimidating. It made the gaze of the Basilisk seem tame by comparison: at least that was certain death if you met it. "Go on," she purred, as if daring me to say something that would get me sliced and diced.

"What I meant to say was, my father, godfather, and honorary uncle were all pranksters at school," I said. I was improvising like mad here. "Two of my best friends were too. They knew how to make their victims howl with impotent anger, raise their blood pressure to dangerous levels, make them fear their wrath, all without harming their flesh." Well, with weapons, anyway. I knew more than a few of the Weasley Twins' stuff had caused some reversible harm. And given what I saw of the Marauders' antics through Snape's memories, well…yeah. They were bullies.

But hey, needs must when you needed rhetoric to persuade a killer alien with a killer body to not kill. Well, aside from the deserving. Hopefully, I could get her to prank the deserving as well.

And I'm sure that, if Luna was here, I'd be having a hard time persuading her that no, I was NOT going to set out to conquer the world with my new triptych of alien minions. Even if, given the stupidity I had seen in humans both mundane and magical, I was sorely tempted to give into my inner Voldemort. Gah! No! Bad Harry! No treacle tart for you!

Anyway, to my cautious delight, Karasuba looked intrigued. I could all but see the gears turning in that…well, I hesitate to say 'pretty little head', because, while beautiful, 'pretty' suggested something a little innocent, which certainly didn't apply to Karasuba. Plus, she would have diced me for the condescension, I'm sure.

I could say that I have created a monster, but Karasuba was one already. It was just a matter of changing what type of monster she was…

CHAPTER 2 ANNOTATIONS:

So, yeah. Harry's undergone orientation, and he's begun bonding with his Flock, as well as beginning the process of converting Karasuba to…well, not the Dark Side, and certainly not the Light Side. More like the Sadistic Pranks Side…and Shin Teito is officially fucked.

I'd imagine that, if there'd be anything that would get Karasuba at all remotely interested in not wiping out humanity, it'd be dark comedy, particularly that with physical violence. Aside from the examples from Monty Python and the Holy Grail shown above, I get the feeling that she'd also like some of Rik Mayall and Adrian Edmondson's stuff, along with The League of Gentlemen. Hell, I can hear her singing along to Always Look on the Bright Side of Life, especially the bit starting with 'Always look on the bright side of death…'

No numbered annotations this time.