"Without forgiveness life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation." —Roberto Assagioli

/

"Katara—"

"It's okay," I interrupt Aang. "She has a right to ask. You all do."

Sokka's mouth falls open. "Who are you and what have you done with Zuko?"

Haru and Teo glance at each other while the Duke studies me with that same expressionless look that's completely freaking me out. Not that I'd admit that.

Toph just cocks her head to the side. "No lying Fire Prince. I'll know if you do."

The old me hates that I'm so weak. That I won't even be able to defend myself if they attack me. I'm ashamed of my old self trying to make an appearance. I grind my teeth until I can let go of the anger. I deserve every bit of their distrust. I've done nothing but hunt and betray them.

"I know you must be surprised to see me here," I start awkwardly.

Katara scoffs, crossing her arms. "Not really."

"Yeah," Sokka chimes in. "You've followed us all over the world!"

I wince. "Right. That." I look at Aang. The concern for me plainly written on his face nearly breaks me. I don't deserve that. "You need a firebending teacher. I can teach you."

Aang blinks, shock now covering his features. That's more like it.

"You want to what now?" Toph shoots me a murderous look.

I flinch. Yep. Deserved that one.

Haru snorts, "As if!"

Teo looks thoughtful while the Duke's expression still hasn't changed. Seriously dude! How does he do that?!

"You can't possibly think that any of us would trust you?" Katara rages, gesturing to the group. "Can you? How stupid do you think we are?!"

"All you've ever done is try to hunt us down and capture Aang!" Sokka looks down at his boomerang. Despite his words, I can see the conflict going on behind his eyes. He doesn't know what to think.

"Your family has ordered the destruction of so many Earth Kingdom villages!" Haru rages. "Do you have any idea how many families have been torn apart?! How many people have died in this never ending war?!"

I wince, wishing now more than ever that I had done more in the three years before Aang miraculously appeared out of an iceberg in the South Sea.

"The Fire Nation forced my dad to build weapons of destruction," Teo says softly. "What kind of people does that?"

People who don't have any more of a choice than the earthbenders who were rounded up and kept on metal barges far from land so they couldn't earthbend.

"You're insane," I hear the Duke mutter.

I probably am.

I try to stand up, but end up falling back down with a grunt of pain. Guess I'll just be sitting here for this conversation. How undignified. It's just what I deserve. "I can understand why you can't trust me. Honestly? I wouldn't either." I look at each of them in turn, from the boy I hunted ruthlessly, to the girl I used and betrayed, to the boy I always thought a fool, to the blind girl I never really saw, and to the three unfamiliar boys I hardly know the names of much less who they are as people. I owe all of them so much and I have no idea if I can ever make right what I've done. I hope that this may, at least, be a start. Maybe?

"I thought I had lost my honor and that, somehow, my father could return it to me. But I know now that no one can give you your honor. It's something you earn for yourself by choosing to do what's right. All I want is to play my part in ending this war." I take as deep a breath as my broken ribs will allow. "And I know my destiny is to help you restore balance to the world. I'm sorry for what I did to you. To all of you. I know I can never make up for the pain and hurt I caused you all. If you tell me to leave, I'll leave."

I have to bite my lip to keep back tears. If they reject me, I have no idea what I'll do. I guess I'll have to find some other way to protect Aang.

Katara's the first one to break the stunned silence. She snorts. "What a bunch of bullshit! You expect us to believe any of the crap you just spilled? This is all just some elaborate scheme to capture Aang isn't it!"

I'm so flabbergasted I just gape at her. "What? I'm not—I'm not that person anymore!"

"Yeah right!" Katara spits and spins away. "Should have let you die."

"Katara!" Aang gasps in shock.

"What?" she snaps back. "We were all thinking it!"

"I wasn't," Aang whispers.

Katara's face softens ever so slightly in shame.

"I don't know," Sokka says slowly, contemplatively. "He did just save our lives."

"Really?" Haru demands. "You're going to believe the ashmaker now after all that he's put you through."

I involuntarily flinch at the slur even though I probably deserve every ounce of anger these people have to throw at me.

"Exactly! This is all a ruse!"

"It wasn't," Toph finally chimes in. She points a finger at me. "Everything he just said, he was sincere about. No deception. No lies. He's telling the truth."

"Really?" Teo says disbelievingly.

The Duke is still eyeing me. I can't tell what he's thinking at all. It's super unnerving.

Katara scoffs. "Azula could pass your lie detection. What says Zuko can too?"

That old, familiar anger boils beneath my skin. I am not my sister! I want to shout, but I bite my tongue until I have the anger under control. I won't let the anger rule me anymore.

"What about you?" I ask Aang gently. "You haven't said anything yet."

Aang chews his bottom lip, avoiding my gaze and Katara's murderous look. "I want to believe you. I really do." He finally looks at me. "But I don't know if I can."

I dip my head at his words. Fair enough.

"What are we supposed to do with him now?" Sokka turns to Toph, Katara, Haru, Teo, and the Duke like I'm not even here.

"We can't let him go," Katara says firmly. "Who knows what harm he could cause us!"

I close my eyes against the tears that threaten. It's all spinning out of control. There's no good I can possibly do. All I'm capable of is hurting people.

"Can I ask you something?" Aang says quietly as the others debate my fate.

I look into his young, childlike face, his eyes full of wisdom beyond his years. I can't believe I never really saw him until now.

"You can ask me anything you want." I'm not going anywhere any time soon. Not while I'm this injured. Plus, I'm beginning to realize this is where I want to be.

"You could have been killed, but you chose to save me. Why?"

"It was the right thing to do."

Aang gives me a look like he knows I'm holding back.

I sigh tiredly. Ow! Why does that even hurt! "I hired Ránshāo to hunt you down and kill you."

Aang's eyes widen. "You what?!"

I grimace, digging my fingernails into the palms of my hands. "I knew you were alive." I nod at Katara. "She showed me the water from the Spirit Oasis. I was afraid—" I have to stop for a moment to get the shame clouding my throat to let me speak again. "I was afraid of what my father might do to me if he found out you were alive. Azula lied. Telling our father I killed you instead of her. It was to protect herself in case you were alive. So I would take the blame."

I cover my face with my hands, unable to stomach Aang's twin look of sympathy and hurt.

"Protecting you from Ránshāo was the least I could do to make right the wrong I did in making yet another wrong decision in hiring Ránshāo." Damn tears! I can't fight them back anymore. "I'm sorry Aang. I know what Ránshāo put you and your friends through. It was my fault you all almost died. Risking my life is the least I could have done."

Aang sits back on his heels, studying me, his expression unreadable. The intent scrutiny makes me want to squirm, but I force myself to sit still.

"What do you think Aang?"

Whatever spell had captured the Avatar and I is broken by the others surrounding us.

"What?" Aang blinks up at Sokka like he's just waking up from a deep sleep.

"Let him go?" Sokka shoots me a withering glare.

"Or keep him as a captive so we can keep an eye on him. So he can't hurt anyone else." Katara's look could freeze me where I sit.

Shame courses through me at her words. The problem is she's right. I'm not even sure I trust myself not to hurt anyone else. It seems like that's all I'm good at.

"Or," Aang says slowly, "Zuko can teach me firebending."

"What?!" Katara and I exclaim at the same time while Haru exclaims, "Seriously?!"

"Hey!" Toph complains. "I said the same thing too!"

She did?! And is the Duke nodding?!

Sokka and Teo both look uncertain. "Are you sure Aang?" He gestures at me. "After everything Zuko's done, you really want him to teach you firebending?"

"I do."

Aang's answer shocks me just as much as the others.

"No!" Katara says firmly. "We can't trust him not to hurt you or take you captive the first chance he gets!"

I want to shrink into nothing at the harshness in Katara's voice. But I earned that harshness.

Aang is still calm when he answers, "I think we should give Zuko a chance. He wants to change. Right Toph?"

He looks to Toph who nods once decisively.

"He just saved my life. I would have been dead if Zuko hadn't pushed me out of the way." He looks at me and…smiles?! "I owe him at least a chance to prove that he wants to change."

Gratitude rushes through me. Uncle was the only one who believed in me before I betrayed him. I forgot how good it feels to have someone believe in me again. Even if I don't deserve it.

"Yes!" Toph says far too excitedly. "Let him join us. It'll give me plenty of time to get back at him for everything he's done."

There's laughter in Toph's voice which shocks me. It actually makes me grin at the challenge in her voice. I can certainly count on Toph to keep me accountable. I definitely do not want to cross her. I am also honored that she's so readily willing to give me a chance. Aang and the Duke too for that matter. Nothing I've done has earned me this.

Haru's arms are crossed and he looks ready to argue, but the Duke tugs on one of his arms until he lets the tension out of his body. "I vote for giving him a second chance," the Duke says in a soft voice. It's the first time I've ever heard him speak.

"So do I," Teo agrees.

I press a fist into the opposite palm and bow my head at each of them, the deepest sign of respect I can muster at the moment.

Haru blows air out through his lips, glaring daggers at me. "Fine, but I still hate you and everything your family stands for."

I dip my head towards him as well. "I wouldn't expect it any other way."

"Hey." Sokka holds up his hands in surrender. "All I want is to defeat the Firelord. If you think this is the way to do it Aang, then I'm all for it." He pauses for a moment, looking me up and down until he's making me sweat with nerves. "Plus. I feel like we also should give him a chance after just saving out lives and nearly dying."

Before I can help it, my mouth falls open in surprise. Perhaps I will actually be given a chance to prove myself? But that hope is immediately dashed by the murderous look on Katara's face.

Katara grits her teeth before finally speaking, "I'll go along with whatever you think is right. But." She spins on me, kneeling down and getting in my face. I want to recoil, but I have nowhere to go what with the wall behind me. She fixes me with those angry blue eyes. "You might have everyone else here buying that you've changed. But you and I both know you've struggled with doing the right thing in the past."

I swallow hard. She's right on every account.

"Katara—" Aang tries to interject, but she's not done.

"So let me tell you something right here, right now. You make one wrong step, one slip-up, give me one reason to think you might hurt Aang, I will make you regret ever stepping foot here. Understood?" She jabs me hard in the chest. "Understood?!"

I bite back a cry of pain. "Understood," I grind out, wanting to glare at her so bad I ache for it. But I bite the inside of my cheek and weather her look of hatred as best I can all the while feeling like I'm crumbling inside.

"Good." She stands up abruptly, ignoring the others' looks of shock. "Toph, make sure he can't get out of whatever room he ends up in."

Toph punches one fist into the other with glee. "It'll be my pleasure."

It's hard not to let the panic of being trapped surface. But I manage it. Barely. I have to remind myself that my actions, my actions, have led me to being hated and distrusted. Being locked in a room is only the beginning of what I deserve.

Katara spins away, anger in every movement as she stalks away.

"Katara!" Aang tries to go after her, but Sokka blocks him.

"Let her go," Sokka sighs. "She needs some time to cool off."

Aang visibly slumps. "Oh, okay. Right."

"I need some air," Haru suddenly says before stalking off.

Teo glances nervously at me before saying, "I should probably go check on him," and rolls off.

The Duke just shrugs before aimlessly wandering after Haru and Teo.

With a glare at me, Sokka says, "We should probably get our new…friend here to his accommodations."

Aang reaches out a hand to help me up, but I glare him away. "I'm fine," I snap, wincing inwardly at his hurt look. But my pride can only take so much in one day.

It's a struggle, but I make it to my feet. I have to grit my teeth against the wave of pain from my broken ribs. I teeter a moment, barely managing to keep my feet. Spirits, I'm exhausted!

"Don't try anything," Sokka warns, leading the way towards one of the buildings I learned the last time I was here had rooms.

"Yeah," Toph taunts. "You wouldn't last long in a fight anyways in your condition."

My hands clench into fists, the fire begging to be let loose. But I breathe out the tension in my body. I'm not going to let anger and hate by the drive of my firebending anymore.

Aang shoots me a concerned look, but I ignore him. I don't deserve his concern.

I limp after Sokka, Toph close behind me. Aang keeps shooting me looks when he thinks I won't notice. He's still probably trying to figure out my angle, how I might betray him. They all are probably. They'd probably never believe me if I told them this is where I'm meant to be. They'd laugh in my face.

"Here you go." Sokka finally stops in front of a room tucked way in the back.

There's a straw mattress on a cot, a chair in one corner, and a teeny tiny window that barely lets any light in way up high. I swallow down the lump of panic in my throat. It's going to be okay. I'm going to be fine.

"Home sweet home," Sokka says sarcastically.

Toph gives me a hard shove from behind, and I stumble into the room, my ribs aching at the effort to keep on my feet.

I spin around in time for Sokka to say to Toph, "Will you do the honors?"

Toph grins, cracking her knuckles before the ground rumbles, tossing me from my feet. I catch Aang's look of horror before blinding pain sends my vision black. By the time my vision's cleared and I'm no longer afraid unconsciousness is going to claim me, the doorway has been blocked by a solid slab of stone. I'm officially trapped.

I don't bother suppressing the cry of pain as I claw my way onto the bed. I flop onto my back, feeling utterly defeated. I stare up at the ceiling, concentrating on the cracks in the stone there so I don't start to panic.

This is what you deserve Zuko, I remind myself.

It doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt, their rejection. I don't even deserve the small kindness Aang gave me in allowing me to be his firebending teacher.

This room, this cell, is only the beginning of my punishment for what I've done. I have a long way to go before I can atone all the hurt I've caused and the wrong doing I've done. I should be grateful I'm even still alive. I don't deserve to be.

Exhaustion is what finally drags me under. I fall asleep with tears in my eyes and the look on Uncle's face when I chose Azula over him. In some ways, I'm more the monster than my father and sister are. You always know where they stand. But me? I had the potential to do good. But I always chose the easy way out, the wrong way. Maybe I am my father's son after all.

/

"Was that really necessary?" Aang can't shake the look on Zuko's face when Toph bended the wall into place. He looked so scared and alone. Aang knows that feeling only too well.

"We can't trust him," Sokka says firmly.

"Plus, it's only fair," Toph agrees. "He's locked us up plenty of times. It's about time we got to return the favor."

Aang shakes his head. "This doesn't feel right."

Sokka throws his hands up in frustration. "None of this feels right!" He rubs a hand through his hair. "I'm going to go make dinner. At least dinner makes some modicum of sense!"

He walks away before Aang can say anything else.

Toph claps him hard on the back, sending him stumbling. "Hey, at least you have a firebending teacher."

"Yeah me," he says sarcastically, dread racing through him at the idea of firebending again after vowing to never firebend again when he accidentally burned Katara.

Toph just shrugs, leaving him to contemplate the stone door of Zuko's room? Cell? Ugh! He's so confused!

He's tempted to go in and talk to Zuko. Find answers to the many questions swirling around in his head. Why now? After all this time? None of Zuko's actions today make any sense! He saved Aang's life. Seemed willing to give up his own life so he and his friends could survive.

Aang wants so badly to believe Zuko has changed. But they've been down this road before. So he leaves that stone wall and the firebender in the room beyond be even though a large part of him is shouting that locking Zuko up is wrong!

Only time will tell if Zuko's really changed. He's surprised to realize he wants Zuko to change.

He meant what he said after Zuko rescued him from Zhao. They could be friends. And he hopes that's still possible.

Author's Note

I definitely feel like Haru, Teo, and the Duke should have been part of the conversation around letting Zuko stay/be Aang's firebending teacher. We never get to see their reaction to Zuko in the series. There's no way they'd just be kosher with him suddenly appearing among their mist. (Again, my gripe against Haru, Teo, and the Duke being conveniently left out of any major story beats during this part of the TV show.)

I'm also choosing to write a much more aware and reflective Zuko than we get in the TV show. I also want to dig into the internal conflict he has over the mindset he grew up with and his mental health over leaving everything behind and realizing just how messed everything in his life has been. And then gradually moving towards acceptance of his past mistakes and growing from them.