Two more days had passed. During the whole time Mitsuki and Reishi had never once left Itachi alone unsupervised. His fever was gone after the third day, but his sight hadn't recovered yet. With passing time, judging from her constant fidgeting as well as the heavy atmosphere in the air, Itachi could feel Mitsuki getting more and more anxious, even as she tried her best not to let it show.
To be honest, the weight of the care that the Kodon sibling and especially, Mitsuki, had shown him, made him feel guilty. For the Kodon sibling, he could only hope that his intervention of the matter between them and Sendo clan might prove to be of use for the both of them. As for Mitsuki's..
Itachi had the difficulty comprehending the nature of her affection towards him, both the reason behind it as well as the extent of her sacrifice. She had shown him extreme amount of care, not only during his bout of nightmare of that night, but also every coming day afterwards. All the subtle care and small gesture that she had done for him resurfaced in Itachi's mind. Even up till that moment he couldn't help but ponder about it, Mitsuki had always stayed close, ready to wake him at a moment's notice and constantly letting him know about her presence, accompanying him. Truthfully, he had always noticed the care she had for him and other people that she care about, and the unreserved feeling of empathy that she shared for those she cared for. However, he had begun to wonder if she had somehow viewed him differently, going by the extent of her emotion and her sacrifices, and it weighed his heart heavily. He was no stranger to being the receiving end of a romantic feeling, and yet, his circumstances were no different than back then in his past, if not worse. Hence, he would never be able to answer to those feeling, or even give it a proper consideration. If that was the case, it would make things even more complicated between them, and he might even have to force her away from him. Then again, it also came across to him that her excessive care might just be due to his dire circumstances. After all, she had been taking good care, and even pampers the Kodon siblings, as well as cared for the old man back then with Aida. Besides, it was not as if Mitsuki had tried to close the distance between them lately, it was more like..
"She is pulling away.." Itachi finished his thought as he recalled Mitsuki's odd behaviour as of late. As he failed to find any sure answer, Itachi pushed the concern to the back of his mind with frown in his forehead, and closed his eyelid once more as he drifted back into restful sleep.
Mitsuki was at her limit. She had been suppressing her anxiety so much lately, she felt like it was going to burst out of her soon. Not counting her own circumstances of her own memory awakening as well as the weight and dissociation of it that had been lingering within her quietly, Itachi's eyesight's late return caused her concern more than anything else. If anything would happen to him, or any slightest part of him at that, she would be feeling responsible. Even as she herself had decided to take the risk, she didn't expect Itachi to trust her and Reishi so willingly, so quickly, and it made her feel worse instead of better.
"What the hell was I thinking," she thought. Now that she thought about it, even if Itachi sticks with his usual medication, it wouldn't absolutely mean that his condition will relapse immediately. Instead of doing just that, making him taking an untested medicine sounds far more dangerous. "What if I've messed things up?" she thought. If it happened, she would be responsible for everything, and when she had yet ever been able to repay Itachi for what he had brought to her life so far. The thought of Itachi losing his sight forever and unable to accomplish what he had set out to do, scared her to the core. If it was because of her mistake, of her recklessness, and her inadequacy.. She wouldn't know what to do. Not only the tweaked medication, what if it was because of her stretching his lifespan? Would it have twisted his fate this way instead? The more she thought about it, the more ragged her breathing become as her mind enters into a panic.
Trying her best to calm the trembling in her hand and the rhythm of her own breathing, while swallowing back the rising nauseating sensation within her stomach, Mitsuki took a deep breath and rearranged herself as best as she could as she brought a water filled basin back towards the back shrine
Itachi heard a water basin gently placed beside him, pulling him away from his sleep. As her consciousness shifted, he noticed the speckle of red inside his eyelid, unlike the complete darkness that he had gotten used to for the past few days. Slowly, Itachi opened his eyelid.
Immediately, he was greeted by the sunlight passing through the opened shrine door. Without a sense of rush, Itachi shifted his gaze to the figure sitting beside him, checking on Mitsuki as well as testing the recovery of his sight. Dressed in plain white Kimono, tied with her yellow obi, Mitsuki absent-mindedly squeezed some water out of a small cloth towel, back unto the basin of warm water that she had recently brought back with slight trembling on her hand and paleness coloring her face. Her eye was devoid of spirit, the beautiful blue seemingly had turned into a despairing abyss of the night's sea.
"Mitsuki?" Itachi called up to her in worry. Hearing Itachi's call, Mitsuki narrowed her eye without even turning her head, sad expression still reflected in her face as she took a deep breath and let her voice out in a contrasting cheerful, yet gentle tone, unfitting of her expression.
"Ah, Itachi-kun? You woke up?" she said cheerfully as she kept her gaze away from Itachi, unaware of the change in his condition. Upon seeing the discrepancy between her expression and her voice, Itachi propped himself up and turned his body over, gazing directly at her with mixture of worry and confusion. As the sunlight that had escaped from behind the cloud passed through the door fall unto a part of her body and face, Mitsuki winced and turned her attention towards the light's direction. Only then did she notice Itachi's precise eye movement and his worried gaze on her face.
As realization hit her, Mitsuki's face changed rapidly. Her breath halted and her heart-beat quickens. In a mixture of surprise, panic, and relieve, Mitsuki brought her palm closer to her lips, covering the lower half of her face in shock. Her dark blue iris darted frantically, as if reflecting the thoughts that quickly passed around in her mind. Not long after, as if she was forcing her voice out, Mitsuki's voice quivered as she spoke,
"Itachi-kun, your eye?" she confirmed her thoughts in hesitation and worry. Not knowing what else to say, Itachi briefly answered her question.
"Un, it's fine now," he answered, worried look in his face as he had yet found an answer to the question in his head. Unexpectedly, to Itachi's surprise, tears flowed from the corner of Mitsuki's eye as she smiled with a knit on her forehead, as if holding back her pain.
"Thank goodness," said Mitsuki as she quickly covered her face with her Kimono, hiding her tears. Not wasting any moment, Mitsuki stood and darted away as Itachi followed her sudden movement with his gaze. "I'll go get Kina and Reishi!" she shouted as she left the shrine in hurry.
Not long after, Kina and Reishi entered the back shrine in a hurry, however Mitsuki hadn't seemed to come back with the pair.
"Itachi-san, how are you?" Reishi said as he rushed to Itachi's side, giving him a quick checkup.
"Itachi nii-san! Can you see again now?" Kina added in a mixture of excitement and worry.
"Un, it seemed to be effective. My eyesight feels clearer than before now and my body feels lighter as well after the few days' rest," said Itachi with a smile as he gave Kina a light pat on his head in response to his genuine inquiry. Seeing the warm scene, Reishi smiled gently. Unconsciously, Itachi shifted his gaze towards the back shrine's entrance. Still no sign of Mitsuki's coming back, he thought. Noticing the direction of Itachi's gaze and the implication behind it, Reishi informed Itachi subtly.
"Mitsuki-san said that she'll be out for a while," said Reishi.
"I see," Itachi responded briefly, hiding his worry, as Mitsuki's pallid expression flashed in his mind once more.
"Wonder why Mitsuki-nee was crying," said Kina worriedly, prompting Reishi to gently slap him on his stomach, as if telling him that his words was not necessary.
"?" Itachi tilted his head towards Kina, as though asking him to continue. However, before Kina could spill another word, Reishi intercepted quickly.
"Maybe she was happy? After all she looked very worried as she went and grab some water for you just now, Itachi-san," said Reishi lightly as he tried to put a lighter tone in the atmosphere, considering how Mitsuki might need a time for herself. Upon hearing Reishi's answer, Itachi frowned.
Mitsuki rushed as fast as she could to the tallest place she could find. After all, such place had always somehow brought her a sense of comfort. As she reached the mountain's peak, on its tallest cliff, Mitsuki leg gave in. Following the loss of her inhibition, after her relieve upon Itachi's recovery, Mitsuki dropped herself kneeling on the ground and bawled her heart out. Finally, she allowed the mixture of emotion pour out from her heart. Failing to form words in her head, it spilled out in the form of tears. Her fear, her guilt, her hate of her own inadequacy and carelessness, and lastly, a sense of relieve that she experienced as she saw Itachi's gaze meeting hers, flooded her heart and broke the dam inside her. Tired of holding everything in, Mitsuki let everything out in one pained, unrestrained cry.
Few moments had passed, and Mitsuki's tear was still running uncontrollably on her face, even as she had finally managed to take control of her sobs. After she had finished clearing up most of her recent frustration from her brain, Mitsuki let her mind drift into her regained memory, facing it. She had been suppressing her thoughts about it for the past few days, as she was determined to focus entirely on Itachi's health and well-being. Now that she had finally got time to process it, to be honest, Mitsuki wasn't sure about how she should, or could, take everything in.
A sense of dissociation filled her heart. She knew for sure, that it was her memory. However, she couldn't put herself up to believe it, as if there was a wall separating her two sense of self. The main reason was that it felt like her current self was no longer the girl within the memory, the girl of timeless knowledge deserving of respect, the girl that everyone looked up to, to the point of sacrificing themselves just to keep her alive. Mitsuki felt that her current self and her countless failure and mistakes was a big disappointment for her past self. Childish, nosy, careless, weak hearted.. Instead of supporting those around her, she felt like she had been taking away more from them instead, burdening them and providing little in return. The whole thing made her current existence seemed to be like a joke, but undoubtedly, as she recalled the faces of the villagers, Mitsuki felt a deep nostalgia and yearning, as well as a painful, melancholic emotion.
As odd as it is, she knew that the girl in the memory was unquestionably, her.
Mitsuki tried her best to accept the fact of her long gone past and her current sorry state. She knew that without doing so, she would hinder her own goal of understanding herself, as well as finding her purpose and her place in the world. Besides, if she were to find her true self, as well as holding unto her promise to repay Itachi by keeping him alive until the time come for him to realise his dream, she needed her old self back, both her memories and her knowledge.
Basking in realisation, and letting herself drift deeper into her memories, Mitsuki recalled the faces of her past comrades, who had laid their life down for her. Filled with emotion, Mitsuki sang a eulogy from the depth of her heart, letting her sadness and nostalgia floated along with her voice as her prayer took form into a sad melody, floating unto the wind.
Itachi dashed frantically around the forest.
Against Reishi's advice, he quickly darted out of the back shrine. Concerned about Mitsuki who had yet came back on her own even after night has fallen, he had managed to dig the details from Kina, despite Reishi's intervention. Apparently, according to Kina, Mitsuki had dashed away immediately without even having a proper talk with the siblings as soon as she finished updating the siblings about Itachi's development. After knowing the fact, Reishi had advised him against seeking her out, thinking that she might need time to be alone due to her recent exhaustion and mental state. However, Itachi couldn't shake the look in Mitsuki's eye off his head, and the chill that he felt as he witnessed the discrepancy in her voice's tone and her expression. It reminded him of that night when Mitsuki had a break down and somehow felt even more hopeless compared to that day, or even the day when the both of them had first met. Without understanding why, uneasiness crept in his heart, feeding unto his worries.
As he let his intuition took him, Itachi started remembering the sudden change in Mitsuki's form and part of her personality. Accompanied by her recent actions that had always seemingly pushing herself to the edge again and again as she continuously diverted the topic from herself, Itachi couldn't help but worry. How long had Mitsuki been lying to him as she hid her struggle? Chances were that he only managed to catch on because of the lapse in her judgement, created by her not knowing how his vision had returned. Assuming that he had yet recovered his vision, she likely did not bother to hide the extent of the emotions in her expression. Considering the girl's usual honesty and straight-forwardness, Itachi couldn't shake off the feeling of unrest.
Atop the mount, the sun had long disappeared over the horizon, replaced by the dim light of the crescent moon. Overwhelmed by the difficulty of his search, Itachi felt like cursing. It seemed that he had taught the girl too well, as she had barely left him any sign to track. With the cover of the night adding into the difficulty of the search, added with her lack of chakra and her penchant of agility, as well as the wide area to cover, his quest seemed to be impossible for him to fulfil. Concentrating, Itachi heightened his other senses with chakra and closed his eyes, searching for any trace he could possibly find. Then, he heard it, a familiar voice, singing a sad song, echoing through the wind. Unlike the usual gentleness in her songs, the song felt a lot more desperate and sad, piercing the heart of its listener. Itachi couldn't catch the lyric, but to him it seemed as if she was singing a song of mourning.
"There she is," Itachi thought as he spotted the singing figure. Figuring out that Mitsuki hadn't yet noticed his presence, Itachi suppressed the sound of his footstep as he walked closer slowly, observing. To be honest, ever since he had set out from the shrine till then, Itachi didn't know about what he would like to say yet. He had always been that way, prompting Shishui to comment on his lack of interpersonal skill. Even then, as a grown adult, even if it would be no problem for him to string sentences of theories together, he had never been one with the ability to deal with people's emotion. Dealing with the Mitsuki that he knew was easier, as she had always seemed so honest, to the point of lacking reservation. However, lately, she had seemed to change, and because of that, Itachi felt as if at a loss.
"Since when was it?" he thought to himself, recalling. Was it after his rejection of her communication attempt? Was it after his condition dropped? Or even starting from the villager's death? Itachi wondered if he was the one who had somehow turned her to be this way. Had he changed her from the cruelly innocent kid that she was, into a good liar who could suppress every shred of her true emotion, like he was? A pain stung Itachi's heart as he wondered how many words, or sentences, that she uttered cheerfully, and playfully during his loss of sight was accompanied with her hidden look of desperation. Thinking about it, Itachi recalled the time Mitsuki locked herself in the production room as well. Even after she went out, she had never followed him to his training, or even allow any chance for them to speak in private. Itachi felt frustration growing inside him, as he felt like a failure for not realising such an obvious signs. Picturing the honest eyed girl growing to be someone like him, someone who had to bear all the pain and darkness within himself as it slowly eats him from within, Itachi felt an ache in his heart.
As Mitsuki finished singing the last verse of her song, gazing up unto the crescent moon, Itachi watched quietly from close distance, unsure of when, or how to reveal himself to her. Sighing, Mitsuki lowered her head and closed her eye. Under the moonlight, the last speckle of her tears glittered as it flowed down past her eyelashes, to her cheek as wind blew from behind her, messing with her messily tied hair. Only then, Itachi had noticed that Mitsuki hadn't bothered to style her hair the way she usually did. It was as if she had stopped caring about it, an unusual thing considering her usual dedication in maintaining her signature look. Suddenly, as if realising the gaze on her, Mitsuki turned her head towards Itachi. As her eyes locked into his, her eye widened, reflecting her surprise. Then, quickly, she turned her expression unto that of a guilty, gentle smile, which sent Itachi's heart aflutter with unfamiliar mix of emotion.
"Ah, it's already this late.." Mitsuki said with a smile, as her voice quivered slightly. It was obvious that she had once again attempted to avoid conversing with Itachi, to his frustration. "I guess it's time to go back?" Mitsuki added as she turned her back and walked away from the cliff. As he saw Mitsuki walking away in another attempt of pretense, Itachi gathered his determination.
"Mitsuki," Itachi called her unexpectedly. Confused, Mitsuki turned her head towards Itachi, letting their eyes lock. Hiding his awkwardness, Itachi turned his back against her and uttered as he moved forward in the opposite direction.
"Follow me, let's have a talk."
Author's note:
Itachi is prepared to tie her up and capture her if she decided to run away again with another excuse that time :3